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You’re doing great. By the lovely Grace Farris.
P.S. Stuff I just love and wise words.
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“In Case No One Mentioned It” — this is chef’s kiss. It’s the ultimate reminder that our unique, often uncelebrated quirks are our superpowers! I love how it highlights everyday wins, from brewing the perfect cup to giving great pep talks. Which of these little wins do you think is most common for your personality type? 👇
The reminder about small daily efforts adding up over time really resonates. It’s easy to forget how incremental progress shapes meaningful results in both personal and professional growth.
I really appreciated the advice in “In Case No One Mentioned It.” The framework of achievement, connection, and engagement is so practical. Starting small with things like making a healthy snack or sending one message seems like a gentle way to feel productive and less overwhelmed during hard times.
This post really resonates with me. Sometimes we’re so caught up in what we haven’t accomplished that we miss all the small wins—the thoughtful gestures, the effort we put in, the simple act of showing up. Grace’s illustration perfectly captures that feeling of being enough, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Thank you for the gentle reminder that consistency and care, no matter how small, matter.
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Treat yourself with kindness. Take the time you need and treat yourself to something wonderful every day. Writing, yoga, and being in nature have all been even more beneficial to me during similar difficult times than normal.
You’re putting out a mean leftover buffet; attempting to save that dying plant by watering it extravagantly; rearranging the fridge so it looks nice when you open it; turning in those school forms, better late than never; stacking up a killer collection of bedside books with winter
reading aspirations; refilling the snack cabinet with a hidden stash of Costco snacks (good job former you for not putting them all out)
I’m really not doing great. I’ve separated from my partner and it’s just feeling so wrong and awful. I miss him so much and I’m not dealing with it well at all.
Sending wishes for peace in your heart, Steph. As they say on Cup of Jo, take gentle care of yourself <3
Debps,
I am so sorry. Holding you in love and light.
Oh Debps, what a shit fest. I’m sorry. One thing that helped me begin to crawl out of my caregiver-burnout-covid-depression was going for long walks outside. Also drinking water like it was my job made me feel like I was caring for myself when I didn’t feel like caring for myself. Are you in therapy? You deserve help with these huge things you are going through. And if that were to lead to a medication to get you through, so be it. Your mojo isn’t gone forever! Big hugs to you.
Hi debps, if you want to, I’ll carry your grief and chaos the entire weekend, so your load can maybe be a bit lighter for a while. It is good that you reached out. We are here to carry you. xo
Thank you for this post. This was my first week in a new role at work (one that I didn’t ask for or want). For context, I’m 65+ and wasn’t planning to start a new endeavor especially since I see retirement on the horizon. This was just what I needed!!!
I feel like these are perfect compliments for someone who has “acts of service” as their love language (not at all speaking from experience lol)! You set that table, you made that coffee, you got those groceries… and they are great!
I shared the Grace Farris drawing with my team, and I will find myself some cider donuts this weekend – it was an intense week for so many reasons (work’s crazy and relentless with no end in sight, husband was forced into “retirement”, very concerned about my teenage child’s mental health in the current political environment, concerns about finances and payment for kids’ college now that our reality has changed very unexpectedly).
This was a much needed reminder this morning. I just collapsed in a ball of stress, mainly from failing all morning at my job, and decided to take a deep breath and open your blog. Thank you.
“You’re doing great” – my kids don’t watch Bluey as much as they did 5 years ago, but today they happened to put it on and I caught my favorite old episode, “The Baby Race.” Still makes me tear up when Coco’s mom comforts Chili (flashback to when she was a new mom) and lets her know she’s doing great.
Lorraine, that episode makes me tear up every time! Sometimes I watch it with my daughter just to feel those happy tears.
My son, 7 years old now, still reenacts the ending scene in this episode with Bluey’s mom in the kitchen. And every time I am tearful!
My bunny unexpectedly died last weekend, and this week I will say continuing plodding on has been my “greatness”- but in the end that’s all that counts I guess
Oh I’m so sorry to hear of your bunny’s passing. Take extra good care of yourself – it’s a hard loss.
Beloved Jo-verse, I am not doing great. I have in short succession cared for all four parents through the final stages of cancer and dealt with two messy estates, losing my job, my health, and my mojo in the process. Please help! Give me somewhere to start. Give me ideas. Give me hope ❤️
Sending hugs. If you have the ability, can you invest some time into a hobby that once brought you joy, or maybe you’ve always wanted to try? You deserve to tend to yourself and ignite some curiosity. I think hope and balance could follow. More capacity for yourself in health and your ability to find a fitting job
I’m so sorry for your losses and all the accompanying difficulties. I imagine you are deep in grief right now, and that can be so isolating and debilitating.
when I was in my worst times it helped for me to remind myself it’s ok to just get through moment to moment, my only job is survival. I often repeat to myself, “the only way out is through”.
I have also found solace in secular buddhism and mindfulness practices.
I don’t have anything magical that will help you through this hard time, but can only offer solidarity. Giving you all the hugs as I sit in the airport waiting to catch a flight to my grandmother’s funeral. You are not alone. It will get better. XO.
Sending you so many hugs. I found the Grief Gang https://www.thegriefgang.com/ incredibly helpful in my healing the last few months since the death of my dad and beloved dog. The groups are so incredibly helpful and Amber is a true gem! XO
DebPS, I’m so sorry to hear this. You seem to be a very courageous woman, having taken upon yourself to take care of many members of your family, and facing such challenges.
I don’t have incredible things to say. I’m myself facing health bad news lately while life has in many aspects not been tender with me in the last 10 years. Life can be so harsh and unfair. My 1st take with everything is to go with the flow of the feelings I’m going though, and then see what are my 1st needs and how I can answer them, globally or even partially, and to try to take gentle care of myself.
A friend today told me, as I was sharing the bad health news “You don’t have to reassure me, I can handle all of your emotions and feelings” and it felt so soothing, when we’re used of taking care of others. Well done to you for solliciting the CupofJo hive! I hope you’ll find some helping answers. Sending much love your way. ♡
Throwing out 2 ideas without knowing at all your context beyond this comment –
Do you like dogs? You can sign up to be a dog walker or dog caregiver on the app Rover I think this would kill two birds with one stone – it’s therapeutic to spend time with dogs and you can make extra cash while you are working towards finding a new job.
Another outlet that I also think would serve multiple purposes is to see if your area has a Toastmasters club chapter. Each club is different, but mine is a great multicultural age diverse group that is so supportive and it will help you feel part of a community and be inspired by other people‘s stories as well as start to flex your public speaking skills to help you in interviews
You’re in the thick of so much grief. I won’t give you the cliche (infuriating really) that it gets better. It may start to feel a little lighter but it still sucks.
Psychology Today to find a therapist that specializes in grief. It’s tough to start with someone new and be vulnerable so maybe that’s for you, maybe not. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us
Maria Bamford’s comedy around mental health has helped me when I felt like life was a dark hole I’d never crawl out of. https://youtu.be/4ysiB8Y7rTU?si=_-9z-L3MLsVVzJT0
I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you said something.
DEBPS, I am so sorry for what you have gone through. I wish I had the words to help. I lost my job earlier this year and am dealing with an ailing parent, so I very much relate.
Aw, Deb. I hear you. Others will have good ideas for where to start, but I can assure you that hope is justified. Of course you are depleted as would be expected from care taking, grief, loss, and your body’s challenges! You’ve given so much of your self (and can be proud of helping your parents through their final days). It has helped me to see these times as a time of necessary rest, of “lying fallow” like a field in order to replenish my inner resources so as to bloom again. Because the blooming does come again.❤️
Look up emotional check ins. That is helpful to me to start training myself to be in charge of my emotions.
Also, I like to look for the next thing. I am not in charge of doing it all, just the next logical step.
Best!
Hi Debps, I’m sorry for all you’ve been through and are going through. In terms of finding a place to start, my therapist gave me some brilliant advice for taking things day by day.
The acronym is ACE. Achievement, connection, engagement. The aim is to do one thing from each category every day.
For achievement go small. Really small. Micro! As in, take care of your fingernails, or make one healthy snack. For connection, again – start small. Send one message to a friend, make one phone call, have one coffee with someone, or write one postcard. For engagement, pick up an old hobby and, you got it, start small! Read one chapter of a book, glue one photo into a scrapbook etc.
I’ve discovered through my own hard times, that just doing one tiny thing in a day is helpful. Somehow it reminds your brain that you can do something and then you get unfrozen.
Sending lots of good wishes your way and wishing you strength to cope with the grief. X
Hi DebPS, I am so sad that you’ve had such a hard and challenging time. My family has had 10 years of extraordinary ill health,with my twenty-something kids experiencing the worst health. I find that getting outside really helps me. For me personally, I find daily walking, and gardening for myself and neighbors (they’ve been happy when I’ve helped pull weeds). I got a number of helpful books from the library on dialectical behavioral therapy, as well as a number of books addressing Buddhism and acceptance. I’ve also learned to say to my friends that I am struggling. Life can be really challenging and I am sending you great big hugs.
Do you like yoga? Yoga with Adrienne on you tube (free- or she has a community platform off of you tube)is a wonderful place to start if you’re a beginner. Yoga helps with sooo many things mentally and physically and it can be done alone or with a community.
Ask for help, you need it and also you DESERVE it. I hope you can take the time to rest and be as you must be exhausted. I cared for my parents in their last months for one, last years for the other and I felt drained after all. as if I had gone a little too far in that journey. You witness something sacred and you need time to recompose. I am taking that time right now. I quit my job thanks to the support of my partner. Sending many thoughts your way. Love from Paris.
Just seconding the rec for Yoga with Adriene. It helped me when I was dealing with a bit of postpartum-whatever. She has a lot of really short videos that feel doable and that builds momentum. I’m sorry you’re going through this.
Debps I am so sorry to hear about all the loss and sadness and difficulties. Why do so many bad things happen all at once? One day at a time you will get through it, and we are all here rooting you on. Be gentle with yourself. Do something nice for yourself everyday and take the time you need. When I have been in similar hard times I have found writing, yoga, and nature even more helpful than usual. I don’t know if any of those things feel appealing to you, but hoping you find something to take the edge off anf give you some peace.
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