Four Fun Things

Yes! I’m doing the same 💛

Yes to these! I love outdoor showers SO much; every time we get back from a beach trip, I lobby my husband for one at our house.

One of my favorite book!

Oops, that was actually a reply to Mary!

Thank you so much!!

Cinnamon is also amazing. Apparently that’s how Greek/Turkish coffee is made??

Just had to say hi and thinking if you. Your post made me smile because my new baby’s name is Mae Anna. Her dad and I were long distance too- sending love!

For a long time I lived in a red state and a great city that was a great place, just not my place. I am so in awe of folks who stay in red places as blue beacons of light. I think the questions you should think through are “will I be able to find my community?” “If I see my parents and siblings often will I be okay with different values and how those manifest?” Your hometown may be a great place, but it doesn’t have to be your place. It could also be a place where you find a lovely community of like minded people and offer up light to others as a more progressive person in a conservative world.

There’s no right answer. Best of luck. <3

For what it’s worth, I grew up in a suburb of NYC (about 30 miles north) and let me tell you- things get very red, very quickly once you leave the city. I’ve lived in NC for many years now and despite being in the south, find the area where we live to be very progressive. A friend once told me that she’d never want to live far from a college, as areas around college campuses tend to be more liberal. Just some food for thought!

I grew up in NY and now live in the deep south. I’m as card carrying liberal as they come. Here’s my two cents.

I’m white and straight, meaning I’m not putting my body on the line by having moved here. And what I’ve gained is a vibrant, liberal, progressive community of friends and neighbors.

A friend from my hometown summarized the difference between Red and Blue states accurately: “a blue state is one where, if you’re white, your elected representative might be a person of color. a red state is one where, if you’re white, your next door neighbor might be a person of color.”

Of course, the picture is very different if you are Black or brown, and I can’t speak for others. I have Black friends who have stayed, and many who have moved to CA or NY.

But as a white lady who thinks herself liberal? I am very glad to be living somewhere that upends some of my ingrained assumptions, and where I can find meaningful ways to support my now-hometown community, rather than thinking I needed to not be here, or avoid here, because I don’t like the politicians who win the power grabs here.

@anonymous, if you email me your snail mail, I’d love to send you one of my Live Your Values Deck decks! You could do the exercise by yourself, your husband could do it by himself, and then you could do it together. It could help shed some real light on what’s meaningful to each of you, and to both of you. xo

seattleandreea@gmail

Hi, Anon. Are your family members have different values/ preferences and still respects yours? Are they nice to you despite the differences? If it’s yes then I’d move back but wouldn’t live too close to keep a little safe distance to maintain harmony/ sanity. Are you able to give it a shot and see how it goes? Living away from your family is hard and not everyone can find/make/keep friends who become like family. The burn out from being the village is real. I wish you best of luck and wisdom.

Hey Anon, this sounds like such a tough choice! The fact that you described being around your family as triggered and “uncomfortable energy” makes me think you shouldn’t pick a move where you’ll be around that a lot. Especially because you still have the option to be near family (your husband’s family). I would prioritize the place where you feel comfortable + safe, supported.

That said, I don’t think there’s a *right* choice here because both choices will have pros and cons. Wishing you all the best.

Ooof. I’m Australian, so not living in the political landscape you are/could be, but I I found that living away from family actually made the family events I travelled for much more special. It kept my hometown with it’s rosy glow; I could visit my old faithfuls (hikes/running haunts, coffee loves, friends etc) and yet had enough separation living in a different state that I didn’t hear the minutiae of every day life.
Now that I’ve moved back to home town – holy moley so many things irk me. And I hear ALL the family drama. Constantly. There is no avoiding. The presence of family activities is now a more regular, consistent…and expected part of my life.

We’ve made a similar decision, and opted for the liberal area further from family vs the conservative area with lots of family. It’s been a few years now and we turn to each other constantly and say “thank god we chose this!” For us it’s because we really value the healthy boundaries we can have in place with our extended family this way, and because we feel physically safer in our current location due to lower gun ownership rates and easier access to abortion and reproductive healthcare. That’s a must in particular because we are raising a daughter, though my son benefits as well – and the gun ownership piece is a nonnegotiable for me. Lots of privilege in being able to choose where to live to a large extent! I also don’t want to live in a racially homogenous place and choosing a city and a school district that’s very racially integrated was a huge priority for us. Seeing how this has impacted our kids and the community they’ve formed has been incredible. And our kids LOVE to visit my old hometown and be with lots of special family there – it’s their favorite place on earth and it’s special because it’s our vacation destination now and we can loosen certain boundaries because our visits are short and when we get home we get back into the values that our family thrives on. That’s what works for us! Good luck and its ok to try both or find a hybrid – if your work allows maybe you can spend a whole summer in your hometown some year soon! Try it on that way and hike the waterfalls and bank some special memories

Moving decisions can be so intense! Could it help to identify what you really need and weight which location better provides? You mention a young child – school situation and opportunities for extracurriculars, culture, etc? Only after our kid started school did we fully realize their neurodiversity and what it means for our needs. I like the suggestion of making your hometown the fun place to visit each year – it sounds like what we do with my spouse’s hometown. It’s sadly dying, but still has charm. We’ve done ~2 weeks over the summer to have lazy days like his youth, get our fill, and then get out. For our family, there’s also a consideration of heading south from the DC area. My back of mind includes climate change – while thinking “it doesn’t have to be forever” is certainly helpful, I prefer thinking a move might be a chance to settle down forever, and weighing if a region will change a lot in 20+ years influences that. Best of luck – I’ve lamented that I almost wish we had a forced hand, since these decisions are trying.

I doubt anyone is coming back to this post but I just wanted to thank you all for your thoughtful words. I have a lot to chew on here, but I truly appreciated everyone’s comment. Love this community so much. 💗