What are you up to this weekend? Both boys are traveling, and I miss them so much! I find that to be the hardest part of divorce — the all-or-nothingness of it. When I’m solo with them, I adore it although it’s full on; and when they head off, I feel gloomy, especially for the first day. I’m working on the transitions and hoping it’s like a muscle that will get stronger. (Any tips from fellow parents?) Meanwhile! Hope you have a good one — happy Fourth of July, and Eid Mubarak for those celebrating Eid-ul-Adha — and here are a few links from around the web…
Just made our beds with this soft, buttery bedding — my favorite thing is to shave my legs and climb into clean sheets with a book.
“I tried to cut small talk out of my life. It went badly.” (Vice, via Kottke)
How cool is this Barcelona apartment with a corduroy sofa?
The Supreme Court has killed affirmative action. Mediocre whites can rest easy. “If you want to see a white liberal drop the pretense that they care about systemic racism and injustice, just tell them that their privately tutored kid didn’t get into whatever ‘elite’ school they were hoping for… I’ve had white folks whom I could standardize-test into a goddamn coma tell me that I got into school only because of affirmative action… I think that any successful Black person in this country, especially one who went to a traditionally elite university, knows the feeling. I’m a well-respected legal columnist and best-selling author, and I can’t go a week without some simpleton who paid eight bucks for Twitter suggesting that I didn’t ‘earn’ my place at Harvard Law School, an institution I graduated from 20 freaking years ago. It’s maddening — both in the sense that it makes me violently angry and that it interrupts the normal functioning of my brain. If you haven’t walked a mile in my shoes…or the shoes of any other Black person who had the temerity to be excellent while Black, you really don’t know what it’s like to have white people who have the intellectual firepower of a wet cigarette question your credentials.” (The Nation)
Kids can handle more than we often give them credit for.
We made broccoli melts this week and they were delicious.
If you’re looking for a beach read, Jenny says this is the book of the summer.
I’ve fallen in love with this summer perfume.
What your favorite ‘game night’ game says about you.
Plus, two reader comments:
Says Annie B. on how to comfort a friend: “When I’m talking to a suffering friend, I try to lean in to their pain. I didn’t grow up in a very expressive family, so I understand the impulse to move away from it with positivity. Yet time and time again, I’ve found that centering the pain, asking clarifying questions and reflecting in a way that magnifies the situation, gives people the space to open up without feeling judged. It’s not going to make them feel worse to talk about what hurts — they’re already hurting and thinking about it. When it comes down to it, people have so many emotions about their emotions. We’re often embarrassed of having a hard time; we carry so much shame about experiencing normal responses to tough situations. It breaks my heart hearing my friends talk this way about themselves, so I try my best to free them of it, even for a little while, by saying, ‘You know what, this IS terrible, this is so hard and I’m devastated for you, I would be so hurt, too.’ Giving someone permission to feel what they feel is a powerful thing, and it’s an important part of friendship. It just takes practice.”
Says Sandy on what teenager scenes do you love?: “I bet a lot of us brown girls got vicarious, retroactive therapy from Dr. Ryan in Never Have I Ever. That scene and psychologist Susan David’s line ‘Discomfort is the price of admission to a meaningful life’ made me want to go to therapy.”
(Photo of flowers by Farmgirl Flowers.)
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