Design

Have a Beautiful Weekend.

gardens by Éva Németh

What are you up to this weekend? We’re going to watch the new movie The Father, which looks incredible. I’m also reading Edie Richter Is Not Alone, an amazing novel about a woman whose father suffered from Alzheimer’s. Hope you have a good one — chag sameach to those who are celebrating Passover! — and here are a few links from around the web…

The perfect shampoo for my hair. (Check out the before and after.)

Wow! This voice lag ventriloquism is so cool.

Why did Princess Diana’s hair look like that? (New York Magazine)

I cannot WAIT to see the Alice Neel exhibit at the Met.

35 things you can do for yourself today. (I loved #21.)

Matzo icebox cake.

The new movie Shiva Baby looks great.

I survived 18 years in solitary confinement.” (New York Times)

Oooh, what a gorgeous garden. And this one, too.

When I first started my massage training.” (The Atlantic)

Love these black pants.

A caesar salad chandelier, of all things.

Plus, three reader comments:

Says AK on the mind-clearing magic of cold water swimming: “I’m part of a group of women who meet every morning to swim. Granted, we wait until spring begins, but there is nothing more magical than seeing a group of women walk through the forest to gather on the edge of a lake at sunrise, peel off their clothes, and wade into the water. It’s a secret I savor carrying throughout my day. The store is out of the cereal I wanted? That’s cool, I started my day with a naked swim!”

Says VVeronika on the mind-clearing magic of cold water swimming: “I’m going through IVF — we lost our last one at 10 weeks a few months ago — so it has been hard. My husband has taken cold showers for years, but I always resisted since I HATE cold water. One day I was very low and thought, ok, I’m doing it now. I was kind of screaming and singing at first, it was so cold. But coming out, I felt euphoric. It’s been three months now and I love it; I feel so much better every time! It’s also good practice to teach yourself not to be afraid and to simply act on your decision: ‘I’m going in’ and you go in.”

Says Christian AE on an unlikely conversation starter: “As an Asian child born and raised in Canada, I found myself wondering why my parents never used words of affection like families did on TV. What I didn’t realize was that the gesture of cleaning, peeling and cutting up fruit for us to enjoy together was one filled with the kind of love, attention and care I thought I was missing. My lolo and lola would ALWAYS peel grapes (!) for my sister and me. A green apple was cut into uniform pieces and sprinkled with salt to cut through the tartness. God forbid their peeled oranges, grapefruits and pomelos had any leftover pith on them before splitting the sections among our family members. Now that I’m older, I make an effort to eat fruit as part of my diet. Sometimes I’ll spend the time to reeeeally peel that orange in a way that would make my family proud. My lolos and and my lolas are long gone, but I miss them deeply every time I have fruit for dessert.”

(Photo for House and Garden UK by Éva Németh.)

  1. Alexis says...

    Christian AE’s comment about peeling fruit brought back some vivid memories for me – I didn’t remember them until now. Except it was not lolo or lola or even my mom. It was our yaya who did these things.

  2. Y says...

    Just a follow up, I was lucky enough to go to the MET this weekend and the Alice Neel exhibit was beautiful, intense, surprising, and educational. I had a time constraint, so I had to move through it faster than I would have liked, but I am hoping to make it back before it’s gone. I am also going to dive into her story and find out why I didn’t know more about her before! Thank you for the recommendation.

  3. Adel says...

    Thanks for the love to your Jewish readership! Your inclusivity, as always, is beautiful.

  4. Kiki says...

    I love Christian AE‘s comment! Words of love didn’t come easy to my grandparents, but I never doubted their affection based on their many acts of love from cooking to listening to knitting me scarfs and mending my clothes! There are so many ways to give and receive love.

  5. Anna says...

    Thank you for the Passover wishes!

  6. Valentina says...

    Hi Joanna! I need to know more about the Living Proof shampoo… You’re just using the shampoo? Or the conditioner and thickening cream too? I just realized that this brand is sold in my country (Chile! It’s sooo hard to be able to find your recommendations here, hahaha) so I need to know if I have to buy the whole thing or just the shampoo could make a difference. Thank you so much!

  7. VVeronika says...

    OH. MY. GOD, you featured my comment!!!! This is such a big deal to me. We are the same age Joanna, I also have a twin ;-) CoJ is my favourite blog, I cannot even remember how long I’ve been following…but your articles helped me through a lot of difficult times and I keep re-reading my fave posts from tiem to time. THANK YOU for being so authentic and creating meaningful content since long years. I wish I could meet you one day !

  8. Julia says...

    Extremely off topic, but is there another baby name post in the near future? I love going through your old ones to find inspiration. Your readers have the best ideas!
    We are due in June with a surprise and the boy name is SO challenging! We already have two boys and those were hard enough! (Plus it needs to work in English, French and German, which means I should probably just give up already).

    • Alexa says...

      i could talk about names alllll day :) what are your two boys named so far?

    • Christina says...

      Maybe Eric? It even sounds similar in all three languages as far as I know. Or Anton? Leon, Daniel, Samuel or Stefan?
      Names are always interesting!

    • Ana says...

      Julia, maybe Tristan? My German and US relatives get along with it very well.

    • rach says...

      Rhett <3

  9. Katey says...

    Those black pants. Before I clicked the link I was like, “These are going to be black viscose pants. I know it.” I knew because they were the pants everyone wore in my world aged 15-34 in the late nineties, early 2000s. (Pair with platform sandals, and a camisole layered under a jewel-tone, untucked, fitted tee shirt.)

    They were comfy and flattering and probably gave rise to the VPL mania.

    These are a cute update.

  10. CS says...

    Just want to say thanks Cup of Jo. Your blog and the community you’ve created add so much to people’s lives…A rare achievement. You’ve helped us all get through the last year!

  11. Sherrie says...

    I desperately need to know if you finished “Breasts and Eggs” and what you thought…..I don’t understand it. What am I missing?

  12. Kim says...

    The Father is heart wrenching and so, so good.

  13. K says...

    Just a heads up that attacks on Asians are still being reported. The other day I saw the @RachelZoe post about her friend’s child having a carton of eggs being thrown at him at a supermarket in Beverly Hills “for bringing the virus.”

    @asianfeed and/or @dionlimtv on Instagram are just a couple handles that have been posting about cases.
    (Note: please take everything with a grain of salt, do your own verifying research if you can. Some of the non-attack posts have a bit of a sensationalist tone to them. Hopefully that doesn’t dilute the horror of actual attacks).
    
I don’t share these for rage p*rn but rather first and foremostly awareness. I hope that these turn into private and public conversations. That it becomes clear that these actions are happening, are wrong and unacceptable, and will be met with consequences.

  14. Sky says...

    Shiva Baby!!!!!!

  15. Kate says...

    This is my first Passover! My housemate is hosting our house (himself plus 3 non-Jews) and his entire family on Zoom for the Seder. As human rights activists the Haggadah will end with, “De-fund the police!” I’m making smoky deviled eggs from Jew-ish and thrifted a new jumpsuit to wear.

  16. Megan says...

    Just a quick note to say YES that is the best shampoo I’ve found for my fine hair as well! I buy the jumbo bottles and they last over a year.

    Though I must say I’ve been curious to try New Wash and would love thoughts from those who have!

    • Rose says...

      I absolutely love new wash BUT it just doesn’t make my hair totally clean no matter how well I rinse it. I’ve tried every suggestion and variation and I don’t have greasy hair. I’ve resorted to alternating washing with only new wash and washing with a gentle regular shampoo followed by new wash as conditioner.

    • Kelli says...

      I like New Wash! I too have fine straight hair. My general thought is this- it’s not miraculous, I can get more volume using “volume” products and blow drying. BUT I feel like New Wash makes my hair look the best it can naturally. Does that make sense? Like, it’s still is my hair, I don’t suddenly have Dolly Parton hair, but it’s healthy, shiny, swingy, and soft. I don’t get the buildup that I usually notice after using any one type of volume shampoo/conditioner/product for a month or so. I personally haven’t noticed the problem with not getting my hair clean (I generally wash it every other day)- it works well for me from that end, but you DO have to SCRUB your hair and then RINSE it. Vigorously.

    • Megan says...

      Loving these comments, thank you! All good to know. I hear you on using one shampoo for too long. . .a few times a month I use Ouai’s Detox Shampoo to get it super clean.

  17. K says...

    Wow. The article on solitary confinement punched me in the gut. Covid has provided a glimpse of what isolation can do to your mind and body. I don’t know what I will do to help end this practice, but I will do something. Thank you for sharing.

  18. CS says...

    “When I First Started My Massage Training” – outstanding article so well-worth the read.

    As an aside, my mother also suffered from migraines and I remember starting to give her massages to help her (I was also 4), though she was the only one in the family who I massaged and I still do to this day (less right now due to Covid) to help her with back and shoulder pain. We are not Asian but I found that part so relatable. I hadn’t ever heard someone else describing that experience… massaging your mother at 4 yrs of age to help her with her migraines.

    Powerful story. Thanks for sharing.

  19. Neta says...

    Wow did Joanna get a Jewish intern or something?! Chag sameach, matzo references, shiva baby… This is not the usual goytastic content. Kol hakavod on the Jewish references, you are confusing and delighting your Jewish readership.

    • Kate says...

      Maybe it’s the influence of Jenny Rosenstrach :)

    • Neta says...

      I thought that too @ kate!!

  20. L says...

    Happy Passover! Happy spring! And thank you for this lovely blog and lovely community xo

  21. t says...

    The Alice Neel exhibit looks incredible. Does anyone else think the gentleman on the right in the highlighted piece of art in the link looks james van der beek (dawson)?

    • kk says...

      Yep, totally. And it’s everything about that lower half of his face – the smirk, the jaw, the lips, the dent above the lip. Weird.

  22. K says...

    That matzo icebox cake looks delicious! I love oreo icebox cakes and tiramisu seems like a fancy icebox cake and this seems like a happy medium in terms of flavor profile.

    The solitary confinement story is heartbreaking and I sincerely don’t know what to say about it. It is inhumane but why is anyone capable of enacting this inhumanity. Clearly the motive is no longer punishment.

  23. Lauren says...

    Appreciate you giving a heads up on The Atlantic & the NYTimes and appreciate you compiling the list overall, look forward to each Friday! A heads up on the NYMag articles would also be appreciated, I try to carefully monitor the article count each month to avoid getting blocked (though then again, maybe I should just cough up for the subscription)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh yes! Apologies — will mark now!

    • Lo says...

      Lauren, it’s kind of a pain in the neck, but I just read NY Mag articles in a private browser– that stops me from reaching my article limit.

      Given the amount of ads on NY Mag, and the fact that The Strategist gets plenty of $ from affiliate links, *and* the fact that the article limit for me is usually 3 (!) articles a month, even if those articles are two paragraph features about a pair of shoes…I don’t feel bad about this. Your ethical mileage may vary, though! :)

  24. Agnès says...

    My husband cuts fruits for our family every morning; we all love it. I feel he’s doing it to make us feel love with something beautiful and good to start the day, it’s such a gift of love.

  25. Erin says...

    The Alice Neel exhibit looks INCREDIBLE. How fun would it be to have a virtual group tour for CoJ readers?! (Looks like they offer this :)

  26. NH observer says...

    Joanna, how did you find a streaming service for The Father?? I’ve been looking and looking!! Thanks for any tips.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      I think it just came out today on streaming! Amazon prime

    • NH observer says...

      Thank you so much! We watched the first half last night and will finish tonight. Harrowing but riveting! Would love to know what you think.

  27. Rachel says...

    Thank you thank you for the Passover note!! I can’t tell you how joyous and warm that made me feel. You all are true heroes for doing your best to support inclusion of all types – while creating your usual incredible content that has gotten us all through the pandemic. (My husband is nice enough to pretend he isn’t tired of me saying “today on cup of jo…”)

    Sending my love and thanks for today’s note and your work always!

    • nadine says...

      I keep saying to my boyfriend “today on my blog”. As if it was really mine, haha

    • Agnès says...

      oh you’re shy, I totally say “my friend from New-York” ah aha ! happy celebrations!

    • Marisa says...

      hahaha- me too!! :)

    • E says...

      I send my fiancé posts all the time and it’s one of our main topics of conversation 😂 glad I’m not alone

  28. Rebecca says...

    Thank you for the passover Chag Sameach! So sweet and thoughtful :-D

  29. celeste says...

    Have a good one! I’d love suggestions on pull on, skinny cropped pants from readers. The wide leg will make me look big and my waists won’t button anymore.

  30. Claire says...

    Wow, the reader comments are extra good this week!

  31. A.E. says...

    Cup of Jo, thank you for your kind wishes to those of us celebrating Passover this week. <3

  32. Anna says...

    Thank you for the Alice Neel link! She painted a portrait of my grandmother Elsie (also an artist – I think its called Psychiatrist’s Wife) and I’ve always been interested in her work and career.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      So cool!

    • Wink says...

      Anna, I think that is so amazing. What an honor to have a relative immortalized this way. Of course, I had to look the painting up! And I just was to say that your grandmother seems like such an elegant, spirited, and curious woman in this painting. If I came across it in a gallery I would commune with her for a long time!

  33. Em says...

    Christian AE’s comment struck a chord with me. I agree that there is beauty in finding love in people’s action and the different ways they express love and care for others. But I also grew up in a house where there were no words of affection, and no acts of physical affection from my parents towards me. And the truth is that children need affection, and they need to be told and shown that they are physically safe and loved. I am not, at all, criticizing Christian AE’s family, I’m speaking about my own experience and the feelings that this comment brought up for me.

    I spent most of my life telling myself that my childhood was a good one, because my parents worked hard to support me and tried their best. It took a lot of therapy but I now know that the fact that my parents didn’t show me affection through words or touch, wasn’t just “an alternate way to raise kids”…. it was trauma. And it’s affected me greatly. I really struggle as an adult in relationships, I can’t express my feelings or let people care about me, because that wasn’t modeled for me as a kid. Most parents are just trying their best, maybe they didn’t get the love they needed so they can’t give it to their kids, either. But that doesn’t change the fact that it was traumatic for me to not get what I needed as a kid.

    I hope this wasn’t too critical or full of assumptions, it’s not my intention at all. I just wanted to share how this comment resonated with me. I used to live with the mentality of “my parents didn’t do X, but it’s ok because they did Y” and it’s been transformative for me to turn back and say “no….. I actually needed X.” Much love.

    • Agnès says...

      I get you EM, I can now accept to say the same and it’s not easy to get there. To recognize these trauma is huge. Sending you a hug.

    • Kim says...

      I hear you.
      You deserved more than that.

    • K says...

      “I used to live with the mentality of “my parents didn’t do X, but it’s ok because they did Y” and it’s been transformative for me to turn back and say “no….. I actually needed X.” Much love.” ❤️

      @Em your story reminded me of this Reductress “article” https://reductress.com/post/immigrant-parents-shocked-discover-plate-of-cut-fruit-is-not-a-substitute-for-a-constructive-apology/

      I’d like both. I’d like fruit to show that you care, and tell me I love you like you mean it. I’d like all the love languages and I promise to give them to you too

    • E says...

      This is beautifully articulated and didn’t seem at all critical of Christian AE’s comment. Hoping you’re getting the love you need and deserve now ❤️

    • patty says...

      Beautifully said. It applies to me, too.

  34. Kiana says...

    Christian AE, I loved your story. Love is expressed through actions and words are important, but not essential. I will think of this every time I cut fruit for my children. Fruit and some cookies are our after school snack every day and now it’ll feel more special.

  35. Lindsay says...

    On Christian AE’s comment– Krista Tippet from On Being just released a beautiful conversation with Ocean Vuong. One of the topics they discuss is language, and how the vocabulary is shaped by the culture in which that language originates. The whole thing is worth listening to, but what you said about language reminded me of that conversation!

    • I second the beauty of this episode — there’s nothing else like it. I have listened so many times, and it’s like calming music.

  36. Claire says...

    I love that last comment. My mom would always cut us (my dad, brother, and me) apples or whatever seasonal fruit after dinner. Now I do the same with my husband who didn’t grow up eating fruit after dinner. I always jokingly tell him he needs to accept my love.

    • Madame says...

      Hahaha Another French name?? it is a super French thing I think…
      My husband cuts and peels fruit for all of us. I do all of the cooking, but he butters out rye bread to accompany oysters, or our bread for breakfast, and also our after meal fruit! It is absolutely a loving expression. He is also super affectionate, and very loving, but these little gestures are absolutely an extension of that.