What Are Your Screen Time Rules?

I’ve never been a big fan of screen time, especially at the dinner table. But COVID has changed this for us. We are all working from home and the little kiddo is remote learning so we are all in each other’s spaces all day and already know if Dad had an important meeting, or if the kiddo’s class had an eventful day. So we have taken to watching the Great British Baking Show at dinner time and it is DELIGHTFUL. We all chat about our favourite contestant, I pretend to know why the bake will fail (oh no, they over whipped their meringue!), and we get to spend time watching a bunch of extremely polite, super supportive, exceedingly nice people. And ooh and ahh over desserts we just have no skill or time to ever replicate. I don’t think we would have ever discovered this shared love of baking in the English countryside if it weren’t for these uncertain and stressful times. And it’s made me realise that sometimes, we don’t need to be so afraid of screen time.

I’m a middle school teacher, and interestingly enough, I’m just wrapping up a unit on the pros and cons of gaming. The students are pretty evenly divided, pro and con, and several have shared that it has heightened anger in themselves and others. I’ve had a few kids over the years who I’m convinced had digital addiction. One student in particular, when asked to name someone they admired or looked up to, said some video game character. Every writing assignment or conversation was about video games. As a parent I would certainly monitor young kids’ use especially, and pay attention to behavior changes and when they occur.

Both of my daughters (6.5 years apart in age) had what I call “attitude issues” after playing video games for too long. And not TV or movies. I agree there is something specific for some kids with the video games. We limit access to the weekends only and then try to move on to a different activity after about an hour. Makes for a much smoother school and work week for all of us.

No screen time. OK, that’s not totally true – now my kids watch a movie every Friday night (sometimes it ends up being Saturday . . . or Sunday instead, but just once a week). My older son is on a screen until noon every day for class (all classes are online) but pre-pandemic it was a movie, or show (like the Great British Baking Show) once a week (and some weeks we’d all totally forget). My kids are 11 and 5. I didn’t let my oldest watch anything at all, no movies, no TV, no screens, nothing, until he was 5. And the first time we went to see a movie (at Lincoln Square) he ran into the lobby scared out of his mind and wouldn’t return. I notice a total change in behavior if they watch TV so I’m happy with how infrequent it is (although I finally discovered how much more work I can get done when they’re watching a movie and with the pandemic it’s nice to have some time alone!).

I assist with my partner’s two kids, and they have evolving screen time limits, and its related to what’s being done on the screen. So they ask for ‘iPad’ but the approval can be for one of: videos (where YouTube is different to Netflix etc), games (educational or fun). And there’s movie nights on the TV. It’s fascinating that they know to ask what type of screen time, and what they are allowed varies! Fascinating (I’ve only been with him since March…)

In a world where so many parenting questions are posed as “you must do this or you are a Bad Parent”, I love love love the open ended respectful way cup of jo presents issues like this.

For us, the biggest challenge has been Youtube! My kids (5 & 7) entered a black hole of watching toy unboxing & fantastical vacation vlogs occasionally stumbling on videos that weren’t age appropriate. The ensuing fussing, jealousy & consumerism was too much for us but at first we didn’t know what to do except cut it out completely. Then my husband had a brilliant idea, family youtube night! So on Friday nights we order a pizza, eat popcorn or ice cream and the four of us take turns picking YouTube videos. The videos we choose range from travel videos, to trick shots with the occasional toy unboxing least we forget where we started. Having one specific time a week where we watch together as a family is a game changer! Any time our kids ask for YouTube, we ask “is it Friday?” If it’s not, the answer is no! It’s allowed us to learn as a family, have discussions and been a great jumping off point for family time!

I’ve thought a lot about this over the years. My son is now 10 and my daughter is 8. We started my son playing online games relatively early (second grade?) because his cousins who we visited in Sweden played and it seemed like it would be a good way to have them connect. I stressed over the decision, but ultimately concluded that society has chosen to have video games in the world. I cannot take on all of society with my choices (because my preference would be no video games…additionally, as a white women of privilege, I would like to live in a glamorized version of the 1950s), so why stress so much? Not to mention, all the articles I read and speakers I listened to seemed to use fear as a reason not to do screen-time. I try not to run my life based on fear, so the kids each get an hour every day of video game time.

I can definitely relate to this!

I have a four year old son who, frankly, becomes a total jerk when we allow him to watch movies or shows – he definitely “tweaks out”, as you put it! Prior to COVID, we always kept our tv covered and out of sight and he never got into a routine of watching it. Then, with everything shutdown, we starting instituting family movie nights… and quickly came to regret it. He would be transfixed for the duration of the movie (allowing us much-needed rest time after 24/7 lockdown with him/trying to work) but then throw a total tantrum once it ended. Getting him to bed was a nightmare and even the next day we would notice he was often not himself. I can’t explain it, all I know is that after 4-5 times trying this, we firmly decided we couldn’t rely on this anymore and since then, he hasn’t watched a movie. It’s a bummer, especially now that it’s getting colder and the idea of cozying up to a family movie sounds so enticing, but then I remember how difficult he is afterwards and I just immediately veto the idea. I completely swear by little to no screen time in our house. He definitely does not play any video games either, I can’t even imagine what those would do to him!

BUT! I have a suggestion because yes, we definitely needed a way for him to spend quiet time by himself and while he’s great about “reading” his books, I can sympathize with him not always wanting to sit in a quiet room staring at pictures. I needed a special “treat” for him that wouldn’t make him bonkers. We have been listening to a lot of audiobooks and recently I discovered this little radio called the “Yoto” and I love it! It’s designed for kids to use and it plays audio books – it’s amazing. He can pick the book he wants to listen to, adjust the chapters and volume, and it’s completely 100% his to control. I’ll let him listen to this after school when he’s too tired and crabby to do much else and it also buys us time on weekend mornings when my husband and I want some extra moments to linger over breakfast. It has been the perfect solution for a four year old who is relatively independent but really can only do so much by himself. Highly recommend if you want to limit screen time but need something to fill the void!

I’m curious how parents whose kids are doing remote/distance learning are handling screen time. My kindergartner has to be on Zoom for an hour and a half (not all at once) with added time for synchronous art/PE on some days, plus she has activities on an online learning platform and a few apps to work on. We also do a weekly pizza and movie night, and a couple times a week she watches 20 min of her favorite show. Before COVID we limited screen time (apps or TV) to 30 min per day, but clearly that was then and this is now! Too much screen time definitely makes her cranky and sometimes more aggressive, so we’ve made extra time conditional on good behavior. How are you all balancing school screen time requirements?

My kids (11&4) have zero screentime.
They get to see one series a week that is especially for kids, it‘s half an hour.
Sometimes I will see a suitable (as in:no excitement) documentary with my 11-year-old.
They don’t miss anything, and I won‘t change anything, it works for all of us.

I actually just went to a parenting workshop on this. It’s amazing how screens affect so much in children and adults. A person’s brain isn’t fully developed till 21-25 so they say that too much screen time for children affects the growth of their frontal lobe. Some of the most important for kids is enough sleep and not too much screen time in terms of growth for their bodies and brains. One thing I found interesting is that they recommend no screens 2 hours before you go to sleep. It can affect how children (& adults) fall asleep/quality of sleep.

I have 3 kids and am just trying to figure out the right balance. We don’t have a lot of screen time at home but if they could the kids would have way more. As parents we need those breaks but we need to be careful not to rely on screens all the time to entertain our kids. It is also good and healthy for kids to be bored (that’s where they learn to be creative) and also that’s when they start reading or playing with other things.

My 5 year old watches an average of an hour of tv most days. Mostly PBS kids – Wild Kratts, Bug Diaries, but also whatever her friends are into — Lion Guard, My Little Pony. No video games. She is a slightly introverted only child. Shows give her a shared cultural point of reference as other kids. She and her friends often pick characters from a show and play for hours inventing new story lines and adventures. I didn’t watch tv as a child and don’t as an adult, but I see it’s value as a social connector.

We allow zero regular screen time for my daughter (now 5). Some exceptions would be the very occasional singular episode of Mr. Roger’s Neighborhood via YouTube to help on a long road trip. I also took her to see The Wizard of Oz as they were showing it on the big screen (pre Covid) at a nearby theater and I couldn’t resist—she was mesmerized. To me, there is no benefit to regular screen time and there are lots of drawbacks. She attends a Waldorf school and their philosophy is consistent with screen avoidance, so it helps to feel supported by other families and her school in this. I love parenting guru Janet Lansbury’s take/have shared this article in the past to help others understand our choice. https://www.janetlansbury.com/2016/11/screen-time-studies-parents-should-know-about-guest-post-by-meghan-owenz-phd/

My boys are teens and we have no rules about screens except Wi-Fi goes off for everyone (adults included!) at 10pm and phones charge in the kitchen overnight. All 3 boys have school and love sport – all play at a national level so do loads of training, they also volunteer with the little kids teams, coaching etc. Otherwise they are on screen as much as they want. Now they’re older it’s a social thing where they “meet” and play with friends on xbox, laugh a lot, make incredible cities on minecraft, have taught themselves basic coding, make movies which they edit etc. One of them wrote and recorded an album during lockdown using his laptop along with his guitars.
So personally I feel that screentime can be fun, sociable, entertaining, relaxing and creative for kids, just as it is for adults.

My kid is 9 and has never played a video game. She’s never asked for it. If she wants to she can watch videos/movies every now and then. But that hardly ever happens. We don’t have any strict rules, but somehow it’s just nothing that we do and that’s why she finds other things to do I guess. Her brother is 2.5 and he’s interested, but like her it’s just not part of our daily life?

Our kids only get TV at weekends and occasionally after school when my mum is looking after them and she needs to go and look after my 101 year old grandfather for a short while. Never before bed and never before school. It affects them hugely, especially my eldest. She cannot cope with being in the TV world and then abruptly coming back to this world. It almost affects her physically, like it’s sore for her. The first time she watched Frozen, aged 4, she was incoherent for a full hour after it ended. Just couldn’t transition. So we have strict limits, and I’m considering limiting further as their moods are so sulky when they’ve had TV. We don’t do tablets or phones for games or shows at all.

I grew up without TV (or video games), and we’re doing the same with our kiddos now. It’s just…not a priority…and I know if it were a part of our lives, it could take so much of our time. I spend all day at work on a computer, but my husband and I don’t want screens creeping into other parts of our lives too much…so we’ve also resisted smartphones so far. It’s been working for us.

Before we had a 30 min screen time, now my oldest kids (8 and 9) can have some time extra the days they have sport activities. They might burs into screaming and whining after screen time after watching youtube videos (skate boarding, nerf battles, etc.) or playing free games with lots of advertisements. So now we have switch to playing games on PS, and sometimes we adults will join too. They are more calm and supportive of each other. The little one (3) can watch TV for 30 min. We have also one day screen free day, so there is time for table games/craft/other family activities and movie night once a week. It is a continuous reassessment!