Have a Good Weekend.

Absolutely love your weekly links!! There are some real gems in this weeks post, thank you so much for sharing!

Hi Joanna,
I greatly appreciate all the posts you have done over the years surrounding grief and I was wondering if you would consider doing one on the grief that comes from suicide, particularly as September is Suicide Awareness Month. This is a topic close to my heart and one that gives September 11 a different meaning for me – on September 11, 2017 a close family friend died of suicide and none of us ever saw it coming. He did not seem regularly depressed, he had a wonderful support group of family and friends, he was outgoing and kind and I considered him more family than friend. I was overwhelmed by grief and didn’t know how to handle it or have “normal” conversations with people. I also felt guilty because it seemed like perhaps I wasn’t close enough to him to grieve in this way. It took 6 months for me to be able to say the word “suicide” and a full year before I began to feel “normal” again.

While I know others who have lost loved ones to suicide, it’s not something that is regularly discussed and feels awkward to bring up. But once I did, I found that many many people had also been affected by this.

I’d love to see a discussion of resources for those who may need support, from whatever side they are on.

Awe, thanks Lea. So sweet :)

Great roundup, as always. I so look forward to these (and really, every) post.

Everyone should make their own decisions, but I just wanted to say I’ve stopped shopping at Trader Joe’s because they went back on their promise to change the names of the products with ethnic names. TBH, I have questioned whether those names are truly offensive, but then I have to remember that they clearly are offensive to some people, as the young teen who created the initial petition that requested a name change felt, and the more than 5,000 people who signed it must feel as well. And to remember that impact > intent, so even though TJ’s means no offense, that’s not the effect they’re having.

This is just a small thing when there’s many more tangible ways to support and make change for racial justice, and is clearly very low on the list of important stands to take. But I just thought others might want to know, because it got buried in the headlines.

Dogs! Rock!
I know I used to worry about being able to take them on enough walks, etc. But think about this– you could provide some income for someone who NEEDS it during this season if you ever need some help taking care of your dog while you’re out!

Dogs just add so much to a home, and kids learn so much from them! (So do adults!) They rock.

Joanna,
Please just foster a dog first! Toby can handle it, I promise, and the shelter will appreciate you testing the waters before taking on the full responsibility.
I grew up in a house without dogs and always wanted one, as did my husband. We adopted one when we married and for the first year we really loved being dog owners (we had plenty of time before we had kids). 11 Years later we still have her and love her, and she is in perfect health but… I find that I think of her as a complete burden and don’t enjoy have her :(
I HATE having dog hair in my house, and it is there no matter how much I vacuum. Our kids do love her, but like most kids, they will only really walk/feed/exercise her if asked first. Most dogs (even our small one) really need to be walked for 30-45 minutes at least, twice a day. I would be wary of any dog owner who says “Just get one!” A responsible dog-lover will tell you it’s right for them, but it requires a lot of work. It’s a huge undertaking to do it the right way, and it’s definitely not for everyone. I feel like this is an emperor’s new clothes situation sometimes, because I know multiple people who dislike owning their dog, but post tons of pictures and only admitted to me that they don’t actually like having a dog after I confessed to them, ha. Maybe it also has to do with how much domestic help you have? If you have a cleaner and dog-walker, it’s probably not a lot of work.
People treat you like you’re a serial killer if you say you don’t like owning a dog, so us regret-our-dog people are a quiet group. If you are wary of fostering, ask a friend if you and Toby can take their dog for walks twice a day (everyday), brush it 3 times a week, etc. for a month. Factor in the cost of a pet-sitter or boarding ($30-70 a night) for any family getaways you might make, plus the cost of vet bills. Consider that at least one of you will need to be at home or back home at particular times twice a day. At the end of the month you might be relieved or you might be sad, and that will give you a better idea. You can love dogs but not love owning one, and that’s okay!

Thank you for including info on our West Coast Fires. I live in Ashland, Oregon and our town suffered loss but even moreso were Talent and Phoenix, OR, just 2 and 5 miles away, and it’s not over. I know they’ll also appreciate your attention and EVERYONE VOTING!

Ooh, you linked to Shavonda Gardner’s blog- highly recommend following her on Instagram too! She has a really engaging and down to earth attitude, and her design work is AMAZING.

I adopted my dog within a week of getting my first place when I was 20. Everyone at the time thought it was crazy, because it WAS crazy. College was busy, roommates, work, shitty landlords and weird schedules. To then add in a dog that I was wholly responsible for was completely naïve. I genuinely had no idea how much work it would entail.

That was ten years ago. She just had her check up this week and the vet was thrilled about how healthy she is, I think “obviously well loved and cared for” were his exact words. It made my heart burst. It feels so good to hear someone else acknowledge what I know in my heart to be true: that despite a decade of breakups, late night parties, cross country moves and everything else that comes in your twenties, I have always taken the utmost care of my girl. She’s taught me responsibility and given me stable, genuine comfort throughout all of the tribulations of young life. At 30, there is honestly no one else in this world I’ve spent more miles walking beside. I brace myself knowing that one day (hopefully many years down the road!) we’ll have to part. But even that—being grateful for every day, is just another thing she’s taught me. It’s really the most cliche thing, but dogs are just the best.

Joanna, have you considered fostering a dog? I started fostering about a year ago and have learned so much about myself and dog psychology. It’s a good way to test the realities of owning a dog without the commitment. If you do happen to fall in love, fosters usually get first dibs at adoption! I haven’t adopted any dogs yet due to financial reasons, but I’m learning about different breeds in the meantime.

Thank you so much for linking to a resource that makes explicit that what is happening on the west coast is climate change. Direct aid is great and is needed but to really help we need to take urgent, sustained, and LOUD action to tell people power they need to act NOW (Green New Deal!!!) on climate change. If not, within the next decade this level of catastrophe will become the new normal for our entire country and humanity as a whole. Check out How to Save a Planet podcast and Sunrise Movement for other ways to start.

Yes to Lily Allen’s wedding dress! I came straight here to add it to your post from during the week but then I saw you had spotted it already!

Kelly – I completely teared up at your photos. I know you’re a stranger but I’m so happy for you!

Alexis your look gives me goosebumps; the styling is so spot on and you are so beautiful! You look like the lead in an Martin Scorsese move like Casino and I mean that IN THE BEST WAY.

Love the Lilly Allen wedding post – especially the “Do Not feed the Birds” sign since that’s one of the names British people call women. Very cute!

The moment I finished this Cup of Jo story on 10.29.19, https://cupofjo.com/2019/10/kitten-story/, I went on Petfinder after not visiting it for months. Right then and there was the kind of mutt I’d been seeking for eons. Three days later, on 11.2, we adopted her. She has been the bestest muppet / rapscallion ever, not even counting how much of a lifesaver she’s been during the pandemic and the general FU-ness of everything. Who rescued whom, indeed! And we owe it all to Cup of Jo!!! DO IT, Jo and Alex!

I adored the wedding dress search post and all the loving comments. It was such a respite from everything hard and bad right now. Also, what a wonderful community here. It feels like the best group chat anyone could wish to be on.