Design

Have a Good Weekend.

dogs swimming

What are you up to this weekend? We have been eating British-style sandwiches, where you put butter on them no matter what — butter and cheese, butter and ham, butter and jelly! It’s so delicious. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

‘Indian Matchmaking,’ unpacked by four South Asian women.

Would you and your partner sleep in side-by-side beds?

Every dress seems to have this neckline. (And I love it.)

I challenge you not to smile when looking at these photos.

Breonna Taylor is on the cover of Oprah Magazine. (Oprah has been on every cover for 20 years, until now.)

Wise words.

Alex recommended that we watch this movie and it was so sexy.

A teacher travels across Japan to encourage adults to cry more. (New York Times)

YUM, I’m making this sandwich asap.

Peace towels now come in blue.

How pretty is this wallpaper?

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Lily on four fun things: “Did y’all watch the mini documentary The Claudia Kishi Club? It’s about the impact that the character of Claudia Kishi had on the Asian American community. It resonated with me so much. I think I enjoyed it even more than the actual Babysitters Club show!”

Says CC on 13 reader comments on rituals: “I lost my husband to a sudden heart attack the day before our city went on lockdown. My entire world has been upside down since March but every night after my shower I put on my favorite perfume and open a bottle of my husband’s cologne and smell it deeply. It is comforting and familiar and gives me peace and strength to face the long night alone. I imagine myself doing this forever.”

Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

(Photo by Max et Louise via Instagram. Pokee link via Tina.)

  1. Sam says...

    But… if you don’t put butter on bread, what do you even use it for? Just maybe cooking/frying food? Does this mean not all American households would necessarily even have butter in the house? Also is it true that in America it’s unusual to have a kettle for boiling water in your house? Is this just a British thing or do people in other countries also have kettles at home? I’m so curious!!

    • Heather says...

      Butter on all the bread..all day every day..haha! And a little black kettle on the stove for tea..just don’t ever wash your teapot..it’s bad luck (Canadian born with a heap of Dutch genes mixed in there too! :)

  2. Sasha L says...

    We did two queen sized beds, right next to each other for a few years. I loved that. But after reading here about sleep apnea I realized that was probably the cause of my husband’s snoring and brought it up with him. Alas, he wasn’t ready for the message, and promptly moved into another room so I could sleep better. Sigh. Marriage. A few months later after I chatted with our family Dr, our kind and caring Dr called him and asked him to please get it checked. He relented and did, and bingo. Got his CPAP, but decided he liked his own space. We finally compromised and bought a brand new very nice king sized bed. So we are back together!! I love it. We do still use separate covers.

    Big thank you to this community for bringing up sleep apnea and snoring, you’ve probably saved his life, and at the very least improved his health and all of our sleep.

  3. Nicole A. says...

    My boyfriend and I don’t have side by side beds, but we do use two different blankets. He uses a big fluffy blanket, and I use a thin, cool one. Even with all the blankets, spooning and cuddling is not stifled, so it all works out!

  4. Lauren says...

    CC – wow, I can’t imagine how hard the past few months have been for you. Your ritual is a really lovely way to remember your husband. Sending you peace and strength.

  5. kacey says...

    Sorry to be late to comment because I think anyone considering the jump to separate beds should make the easier change- 1 bed, 2 blankets! We lived in Switzerland for the first 4 years of our marriage and most hotels set up their double beds this way. At first it seemed strange but when we moved away, we took the idea with us. It provides snuggly closeness when saying goodnight but better rest without the blanket wrestle. To make the bed in the morning, fold sheets/blankets and place neatly at the foot.

  6. Katy says...

    Hey CupofJo!

    I know that you always want to credit the correct artist so I thought I’d let you know that the photographer is actually @max_et_louise so that you can give them proper credit. The owner/photographer is having a lot of trouble with this photo getting incorrect credit.

    Thanks!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Thank you!!

  7. Margaret says...

    An Officer and a Gentleman was the only movie I ever said was “my favorite movie” – for years and years and years. I saw it when it first came out, as a 15 year old, and it was just incredible to me – amazing acting, love, death, suicide, sadness, meanness – it was all so emotional and brutal and romantic and everything. I was hooked!!

  8. Jessica says...

    My 6 year old’s name is Claudia, it was just a name we liked, but one we NEVER hear on kids her age. Now that babysitters club is having a resurgence I’m realizing that I had a totally sub-conscious love for Claudia Kishi that I think, just maybe, influenced the decision.

  9. Cam says...

    My husband and I switched to twin beds because it suits the layout of our attic bedroom best – and we LOVE it. It feels like a fun sleepover every night (Pssst…. are you awake?) and we’re sleeping so well. Sex is definitely more planned rather than spontaneous but still super fun and connecting. We even got matching duvets and pillowcases. Highly recommend!

  10. celeste says...

    Can you do a post on quarantine proofing your career? Updating LinkedIn, virtual networks, etc.? I just found out Google offers free marketing courses and this is going to save me hundreds I don’t have.

    • jane says...

      Seconded! Would love to hear from a pro career specialist/headhunter on this.

  11. LeighTX says...

    We went to Iceland last fall and in every hotel, our beds were two twin mattresses pushed together, with separate sheets and blankets with one large quilt/cover over the top–so not exactly two separate beds, but close. We slept SO WELL that we are strongly considering replacing our current queen-sized mattress with two twins. I think the concept of separate blankets could reduce the divorce rate considerably, so imagine how great things could be if couples moved to separate mattresses! LOL

    • We have a king-size bed that is actually two twins. It is on one frame that has two separate slat systems (an innovative design, it’s by Swiss Dream Beds and made in Canada) that minimizes the feeling of movement from the other and keep the back in alignment. We use two twin duvets, and we LOVE the set up. I no longer have to fight to retain my “share” of the covers anymore. :)

    • Jillian says...

      My husband and I switched to seperate duvets a few years ago and I can’t imagine ever sharing a blanket again. A few months ago we upped things a bit more… our neighbour is a carpenter and he built us a beautiful king sized frame and we put two twin mattresses on it. We have individualized firmness and zero movement from the other, but he’s still right there. Love it.

  12. Kamina says...

    I loved the Man Repeller piece, but I didn’t love the way the women disparaged Never Have I Ever for perpetuating stereotypes. That show was created by a South Asian-American woman and represented her personal perspective – surely it’s a valid representation? There didn’t seem to be any space for the idea that different people of the same racial background will have different experiences. One representation from a person of your culture might not resonate with you, or might even annoy you…that doesn’t mean it’s not an accurate representation (for THEM).

  13. ali masse says...

    To reader CC,
    Your comment touched me to my core. I hope your lockdown
    is over or will be soon so someone who is close to you can wrap
    their arms around you. The description of your ritual is so moving. Much love to you.

  14. Tori says...

    Yeah the sandwich thing isn’t British, it’s everywhere-else-in-the-world! (from an Australian who finds it hilarious when Americans discover things… said with affection)

    • Agnes says...

      Hahaha. I am Canadian and not sure if it’s us or my British dad but we put butter on every sandwich too! It’s not a sandwich otherwise!!

    • Sasha L says...

      I had the same thought- wait, it’s only Americans who DON’T put butter on, right? I definitely know Canadians do. We do too – in Montana, in my family at least. It’s especially good on pb and jam sandwiches

    • noodle says...

      I always found it bizarre watching Americans making a sarm in a movie. Firstly, straight up on the counter (no bread board?) and literally smearing something from a massive jar (mustard, mayo?) onto sliced white with some sort of deli meat. Smoosh together. Eat.
      I hope it was just a movie thing because a sarm can be SO much more than that.
      Butter is essential. No matter what.

  15. Stacey says...

    I have a question for the COJ community. If ever there was a place for great advice, I’m sure this is it.

    My sister is remarrying this month. She and her fiance each had a child before meeting. The boys are 7- and 8-years-old. They’re both so excited to have their parents marry. However, my nephew is really sad that he’ll be the only one in the family of four with a different last name.

    Can you recommend a gift to celebrate the family union that could be cherished by children and parents alike?

    Thank you!

    • Claire says...

      Maybe a personalized family tree to frame and hang on the wall?

    • jane says...

      I can’t think of anything to answer your question but I love the idea of a regular Q and A post posing one reader’s pressing question that the comment section tackles to resolve. It would be helpful and fun.

    • Alexis says...

      What about family jerseys with a family nickname on them instead of the last name? To show they’re all part of the same team? I like the family tree idea too. Or some kind of customized art that represents all the family members in it.

      Also like Jane’s suggestion for a new feature!

  16. Emma K Frame says...

    I moved to England with my British husband three years ago, and one of my favourite things about England is that butter is bog standard on every single sandwich! I’ll never go back to butter-less sandwiches!

  17. Jess says...

    So thrilled with Oprah’s decision to put Breonna Taylor on the cover – we can’t give up until she has justice!

  18. Stephanie says...

    The best thing I did for my marriage was to improve our sleeping situation, and it didn’t even take two separate beds – just two separate comforters! I bought two twin comforters for our king size bed, so he has a “cool” type that he can push down off his chest and I have a “warm” type I can burrow my head under. With matching duvet covers, you can barely tell when the bed is made and if I feel like I care what guests may think I just pull a coverlet over the top. But I’m trying to resist the worry that preferring separate covers says we’re not good partners. It’s just bedding! It’s ok if we have separate needs and prefer a solution that’s a little unconventional.

    • K says...

      Separate comforters are pretty much the norm here in Germany. I hardly know anyone who doesn’t. Never ever would anyone think having them separate says anything about your relationship.
      I‘m pretty sure there once was a comment section of this blog devoted to this topic ;)

  19. Sara says...

    You want to tell me folks make sandwiches WITHOUT BUTTER?

    I mean, cream cheese is the only thing I wouldn’t use butter with, but I honestly had no idea lol.

    • Amy says...

      The only sandwiches butter doesn’t belong on is sandwiches already slathered with peanut butter, mayonnaise, or cream cheese.

      Otherwise – it’s gonna need some salted butter :)

    • Verity says...

      Brit in the USA here and I was wondering the same thing!!!

  20. Kelly says...

    Say her name: Breonna <3

  21. Janine says...

    Hi Joanna,

    Just wanted to drop a note here to say that last week, I had my second baby boy, and realized that at the moment of both of my children’s deliveries, I thought of the doctor who delivered Toby!

    Your retelling of his delivery was so vivid that the image of your doctor rooting you on has always stayed with me. When it came time to push, I’ve imagined her in a track suit, with a gold medal around her neck, rooting me on alongside my doctor.

    This last time, she got me to push out my son in 13 minutes!

  22. I’m so excited to watch the film ‘An Officer and A Gentleman’ I’ve heard great things about this so will check it out! Also that provolone sandwich looks incredible!

  23. sarah says...

    To reader CC,
    After I read your comment about losing your husband I said out loud, “Holy sh*t.” Not just because of the loss itself, but because I am blown away by how incredibly brave you are. Sending you love, strength, and peace right now. ❤️

    • CC says...

      💗

  24. Joaquina says...

    Wow so many comments about butter on sandwiches and so few on Oprah’s decision to honor Breonna Taylor. Thank you, Jo, for mentioning this important magazine cover photo. Let us never forgot her name or the demand for her killers to be charged for murder.

    • Jenna says...

      My sentiments exactly.

  25. AJ says...

    Just going to add a thought to the butter discussion – perhaps it isn’t so much a British thing, but rather an everywhere-except-for-the-US thing? I’ve lived in a lot of places (Australia, SE Asia, Europe) and have never experienced sandwiches without butter!

    • Rosalie says...

      Yeah that’s what I thought as well! I’m from the Netherlands and we always eat sandwiches with butter

    • a.n. says...

      my mom is from brasil and she’s always made hers/ours with butter, too!

  26. Meg says...

    Questions for Brits and other sandwich-butterers:

    (1) Is mustard common on sandwiches and if so, do you put both butter AND mustard or just one of the other? I love a whole grain or spicy brown mustard and can’t picture it together with butter but I’m intrigued.

    (2) Do you butter the bread even if it’s untoasted?

    -Signed, curious American

    • AJ says...

      (1) Yes, butter goes with everything!

      (2) Especially yes!

      – Signed, Australian living in Britain 😂

    • Ilona says...

      Always butter the bread. ALWAYS. Butter + mayo, butter + mustard. I draw the line at butter + peanut butter (double butter, wtf?). Another US/UK culinary difference: in the UK pie is almost always savoury – steak and kidney pie, chicken pie, cottage pie, shepherd’s pie. If someone invited me over one evening and said they were making a pie I’d assume it was dinner. Also we call any dessert ‘pudding’. My kids ask what’s for pudding after we eat.

    • Ada says...

      Hi Meg, I’m not a Brit, but definitely a sandwich butterer.
      1. If I use mustard in sandwich, it is an inner layer (e.g. bread, butter, ham, mustard, greens, cheese, butter bread). Never instead of butter. 2. yes, even on untoasted bread. It never even crossed my mind to put anything on a slice of bread without putting butter first! What would be the point?
      But now I’m curious, does it mean you wouldn’t? If you have a slice of bread with cheese or jam in the morning, you do butter the bread first, right?
      It’s soooo fascinating!

    • Christina says...

      Replies from a Swede:
      1. No, mustard is not at all common on sandwiches. Only if there is ham or some other cold cut meat, and then the mustard would be on the meat, not the bread. Directly on the bread there is butter.
      2. Yes. The only exceptions would be for cream cheese or peanut butter, but many would first butter the bread even then. Toasted bread is not common.

      Our sandwiches are usually made with a single slice of bread, not two like in the USA.

    • Jane says...

      Yes to butter, in all sandwiches! I cannot imagine not buttering bread or toast, regardless of toppings, fillings or condiments, sweet or savoury. Enjoy!

    • Meg says...

      Ada- growing up (Midwest USA), I never saw anyone put both butter + jam together on bread, no. As an adult I realized that’s a travesty and yes, when I have toast for breakfast now I do both butter and jam. (I’m not sure if that’s a regional US thing or just my family was weird? When you go to brunch at a restaurant here, the toast always arrives buttered and then you add jam).

      When I make a sandwich for lunch, I use mustard and/or Mayo (or hummus etc) and I do not butter the bread, and I pretty sure restaurants here don’t do it either, I’ve never heard of it! (And I’ve been to the UK, I must have not ordered a sandwich or not paid attention!)

      I’m going to start buttering some sandwiches and see what I think! :)

    • K says...

      As someone (Sunnysusan) already mentioned in a comment: the German word is “Butterbrot” = literally: butter bread = bread with butter.
      It is a very common staple food in Germany. It’s usually a single slice of bread and one ingredient on top of the butter or margarine.
      But that is not a sandwich. And while I was trying to find the right words to describe the difference I found the Wikipedia entry for it:
      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Butterbrot
      It’s very enlightening – haha!

      “German speakers differentiate between the German-style Butterbrot and the British-style sandwich by using the English word “sandwich” for the latter.
      As a conclusion one may say that the Butterbrot is a type of open faced sandwich, using well made savoury bread slices, and with simpler straightforward toppings.”

      On a sandwich you might use mayo or mustard or hummus or else instead of butter.

    • Claire says...

      Yes! Always butter. I can’t think of an instance when you would not..?
      Otherwise it’s just…dry, surely?!
      I had no idea it was a British thing.

  27. Liz says...

    sending love to CC

    • CC says...

      💗

  28. Marisa says...

    My British-born husband and his family butter only the bottom slice of a sandwich, while my Midwestern American family butters only the top slice (or the top of the bun). I was shocked the first time he made me a sandwich and put the butter on the bottom, as I consider that (and any spreadable condiment like ketchup) to be the top “glue” that binds the sandwich together. I do find sandwiches in England infinitely more delicious than anything in the US, even the pre-made refrigerated ones.

  29. Kate Coulson says...

    You’ve just rocked my (English) world……do people have sandwiches WITHOUT butter?! Why would they do that?!

    I’m off to Google alternative approaches to sandwiches….!

    • Cass says...

      This is what I came here to say: people don’t butter the bread for sandwiches in other places?

  30. Anna says...

    Loving the butter comments. I’m in England. I would no more make a sandwich without butter than I’d make one without bread. It’s a vital ingredient!

  31. Cara says...

    I’m American and have always buttered my sandwich bread! My entire family does so, and I had no idea that it was associated with the UK. (Now that I’m vegan I use Earth Balance spread, avocado, tapenade or parmesan-free pesto instead:))

  32. Isobel says...

    Wait, what, you guys don’t put butter on your sandwiches??? That’s crazy!!!

  33. Kali Tate says...

    The ex-boyfriend that I dated for 4 years looks JUST like Richard Gere. So much so we dressed up as the couple from pretty woman one year for Halloween! Seeing this always reminds me of him but it’s a nice memory!

  34. Sonia says...

    We put butter on all sandwiches in Australia too, I thought it was just how it was done everywhere!

    Also I’d LOVE side by side beds, but my partner would probably feel rejected :(

  35. Kaitlin says...

    I’m Canadian and grew up with butter on sandwiches (though my great-grandparents came from Scotland, so maybe that’s why?)

    • Isabelle says...

      French canadian here, definitely in the butter team :-)

  36. Rebecca says...

    Doesn’t everyone butter the bread every time?? This Australian cannot imagine an unbuttered sandwich 😬

  37. Stephanie says...

    I think non-butter sandwiches are just an American thing. In Canada, we definitely butter our sandwiches: savoury and sweet. (Unless using peanut butter – the clue is in the name! Needs no extra butter.) Even when putting mustard or mayonnaise in – butter goes on the other half of the sandwich!

    • Emily says...

      I’m a Canadian who has never put butter on a sandwich!!

    • Huh, I haven’t see the butter thing in Québec, so I don’t think it’s a thing here. (And I didn’t know it was common in the rest of Canada, but maybe I don’t order sandwiches when travelling.)

  38. Alice says...

    I put butter on ALL bread. Seriously, toast with butter (always salted) and Nutella is the dream. A cheese and pickle sandwich with mayo instead of butter would make me so sad!

  39. Sally says...

    A Brit here…

    Wait a hot second… You guys DON’T always put butter in sandwiches…?

  40. Kristin says...

    My heart breaks for CC.

    • CC says...

      💗

  41. Sunnysusan says...

    In Germany we call sandwiches “Butterbrote” = butter bread :-). They would never be without butter.

  42. Alison says...

    I highly recommend Trader Joe’s Cultured Butter- yum! Also, radish sandwiches with watercress or mint (and butter!) are delicious.

  43. Kirstin says...

    I thought the subtle differences between US & UK have stopped surprising me, especially now I have an American sister in law, but I am genuinely really surprised to hear that butter on sandwiches is not a universal thing!!

    I love mayo on a leftover roast turkey/chicken sandwich but I would butter the bread first. And I can’t imagine eating a cheese sandwich with mayo instead of butter!

    This does shed light on why so many US coffee shop chains sell sandwiches with mayo instead of butter here – I thought it was to save money but maybe it’s more cultural?

    Lastly, for butter recommendations, Joanna, I highly recommend goats butter!

    • K says...

      I second this! If it’s a sandwich it has butter on it! The difference is in the details.

    • Agnes says...

      Same here in Germany. Of course you put butter under whatever else goes onto the sandwich!

    • Bethany says...

      I live in Ohio and I’ve literally never heard of butter on sandwiches. Haha

  44. J says...

    I cannot fathom sleeping in a separate bed from my husband. I must touch him at all times to stay asleep. A toe to his shin, an elbow to his rib, a knuckle to the nape of his neck: contact is a requisite to sleep. When we spend the night apart, I build a little Dan out of pillows, but it never does the trick and I toss and turn all night.

    • Sharon says...

      We sleep in a king bed…me on one side and DH on the other. Neither of us can imagine being comfortable touching while sleeping…his body temperature is much higher than mine and both of us get too hot! When I am cold he’s like a live hot water bottle…but only while I am awake! Otherwise, no touching!

    • S says...

      I’m the complete opposite, I even have a pillow between my partner and myself to ensure no contact! I need to feel alone to sleep well. Everyone’s different I guess!

  45. Meg says...

    To the reader CC,
    I’m so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your ritual with this community. What a beautiful way to honor yourself and your husband. Sending thoughts and strength.

    • CC says...

      💗

  46. K says...

    Sending so much ♥️ to CC.

    • CC says...

      💗

  47. K says...

    OMG I knew exactly which neckline you were talking about before I clicked the link.

    Also, I know a South Asian who thought Indian Matchmaking was on point, and another who thought it was utter trash, and a few opinions in between, fwiw. For me, I worked for a (non-South Asian) matchmaker, and I have to say, a lot of the personalities were very familiar, even if the show is reality-tv-ified.

    Also I think it’s absolutely adorable that so many Non-Americans think that sandwiches without butter is so odd. I agree, butter is awesome. I bought the Trader Joe’s Cultured Salted Butter because of Cup of Jo, and that was life changing. I think about it on the daily, it makes me so happy.

    • Eve says...

      “Adorable”? How patronising 😬

  48. Jill says...

    I love that you linked one of the smitten kitchens recipes. I could read Deb’s recipes all day long…I love her writing style and yummy recipes!

  49. Sarah says...

    I love that Oprah choose to use her vast influence in this way. Hopefully Oprah can get those white suburban moms on board to action in a way that so many others cannot! The portrait of Breonna is so beautiful and heartbreaking and conveys her clear confidence and zest for life.

  50. Michelle says...

    lol love, love, love our sleeping arrangements. We have two queen size adjustable beds pushed together. My husband can put the head up to stop snoring and I don’t feel the vibration of it anymore. We also have a separate bedroom for those nights when one of us is totally sleep deprived and needs absolute peace.

  51. Jean says...

    Hahaha my fiance and I always used to fight for the covers. So now we each have our own designated large fuzzy blanket!

    • CEW says...

      That’s my go to. Just buy two blankets. All the awesomeness of one bed with less of a power struggle haha.

  52. Jen says...

    Growing up my family would use margarine or mayo and I never understood why people loved sandwiches so much, I thought they were disgusting. Then I went to Europe in high school and had delicious bread with delicious real butter and it was so eye-opening. Never going back. Ha!

  53. Jane I. says...

    The O Magazine cover made me cry. THAT, ladies and gentleman, is how you use power and privilege to advocate for others. Just astonishing.

  54. Angie says...

    Jo, I’ve never heard of having a sandwich without butter. :)

    • Heidi says...

      Hold on a minute! Sandwiches without butter? What? What!?But they’d be so dry! Sandwiches with jam, peanut butter, cheese, ham, chocolate sprinkles (It’s a Dutch thing. Don’t knock it till you try it) or anything MUST have butter.

    • Erin says...

      Mayo on one side, mustard on the other is pretty standard for U.S. sandwiches. Butter is for toast or the exterior of a grilled cheese before you cook it.

    • Agnès says...

      same here! How do you have your sandwiches? they must dry and awful. ahahah! butter, always.

  55. Jules says...

    Wait, what!? No butter?! How is this possible? Isn’t a sandwich the very reason for butter?

  56. Sylvia says...

    Thank you for linking the wallpaper post. Not only was the fun writing something I absolutely needed right now. But it was so comforting to read all of the thoughts, decision making, etc. to style one room and have it functional. Some weeks ago I decided to invest some money in my one-bedroom home: a new bed, new closet, art. And here I am… thinking and thinking and feeling every decision has a domino effect…(this tells me something about the state of my mind but I choose to ignore for now). Well, today I finally bought a ….mirror. Yikes

    Also, All My Loving To CC

    • CC says...

      💗

  57. Agnès says...

    I would love to sleep in separate BEDROOMS; please, MY own pink bedroom, with only my stuff, and a door I could close, and leave open. Or not. Maybe one day.

    • Sara says...

      100% agree!

      I couldn’t have imagined wanting this when I was younger, but after years of being sleep-deprived and personal-space-deprived from having young children it sounds like a dream.

      Maybe one day. 😊

  58. Virginia Galvan says...

    I fully support the idea of separate beds – it’s been a game changer. While recovering from a couple of surgeries I HAD to sleep alone and even though I was in pain from the surgery, the rest was *incredible*. My nervous system needs a full, good night of sleep on a regular basis. Now I can’t imagine going back on a full-time basis.

  59. Pru says...

    This sandwich thing is weird. The idea of no butter is weird (I’m English). So you’d have plain bread? Absolutely intriguing!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      We might have mayonnaise or mustard instead, or just peanut butter and jelly?

    • Liz says...

      I’m in the US and never use butter on a sandwich (unless I’m buttering bread that will be toasted, like a grilled cheese sandwich). I do always use a spread of some kind – mayonnaise and mustard are most common. Maybe pesto, olive spreads, horseradish, oil/vinegar, etc. But never, ever butter.

    • Kirsten says...

      My Welsh grandmother always put butter on my sandwiches. It was a special her-house thing, PB&J with butter on both sides. I never knew it was an English thing though! I thought it was just her as I’ve never met another American who would put butter on a non-grilled sandwich

    • Pru says...

      Ive never tried a peanut butter and jam sandwich but I thought I’d need to use butter! 😂

  60. Maureen says...

    To CC – I am sending my hopes for your continued strength, healing and comfort. Thank you for sharing your beautiful ritual with us. I will be thinking of you.

    • CC says...

      💗

  61. Julie says...

    I’m shocked! No butter on sandwiches? Just Imagine a Vegemite sandwich without lashings of butter!!!!!

    • Neela says...

      Cripes, true!!! I was thinking of all the other toppings that would just be weird without butter, but *vegemite* without would be a travesty!!

    • India Noble says...

      Vegemite without butter would be a disaster!!! I just can’t comprehend why anyone would even think to have a sandwich without butter. Out of all the cultural differences between Aus and The US this has to be the one that’s shocked me the most haha

  62. Juliette says...

    As a Brit I was fully unaware there was another way to make sandwiches. What do you use to lubricate it otherwise?!

    • Sam says...

      American here, and at least where I live we often have sandwiches with mayo or mustard (or both). All these comments are making me want to pull out the butter! Would you use butter and mayo or just butter?

    • Agnès says...

      SAM Butter, AND mayo! absolutely, I’m loving these comments on sandwiches! they’re silly and adorable.

  63. Susie says...

    Whaaaaat!! You don’t normally butter the bread for sandwiches!!? Aren’t they dry? Love from a Londoner x

  64. Jen says...

    That’s a British -style sandwich?!
    I thought that was an everybody-style sandwich!
    I am British though!!
    (I even have to have butter with peanut butter!)
    Xx

    • Jane says...

      It’s German, too, and I also thought it was the *normal* way to eat a sandwich. I don’t butter mine, though, and always forget to get out the butter for breakfast/supper where we have sandwiches/rolls as a family, and it’s been 25 years of running my ien household and I still forget…. and everyone thinks I am weird. So from now on I’ll just claim to be American. Ha!

  65. Dee says...

    What??? You USA kids don’t butter the bread on your sandwiches?? Mind blown! Not been so shocked since I found out you don’t have mince pies!

    • NW says...

      Non-American here, shocked as well! Aren’t they DRY?! Don’t tell me it’s replaced with mayo…

    • l says...

      mayo or mustard is more common in the us!

    • Meg says...

      It’s not dry because we use another condiment instead! Mustard or Mayo is common, I also like hummus or pesto.

    • Megs says...

      Guys, it’s definitely mayo over here. I’m so sorry – grosses me out, too. I’m a full butter fan!

    • Sharon says...

      I, on the other hand, don’t use butter or mayo (unless I am making grilled cheese). Sometimes mustard, but I don’t find a sandwich dry without a condiment, and I hate mayo unless it is used sparingly in tuna, chicken or shrimp salad. On the other hand…my husband LOVES mayonnaise. He will add mayo on the bread to a tuna salad sandwich…or even put extra on each bite!

  66. Amy says...

    I feel like if I were to stop sharing a bed with my partner, I’d want my own room too–it’s more the noises than the movements that bother me!

  67. Danielle says...

    Seeing the comments about the towel being sold out and I just wanted to add a reminder that supporting small businesses often means that’s you can’t always get exactly what you want exactly when you want it. Having worked in operations for many small businesses I can tell you that the cost of inventory and storing that inventory is very high. Many small companies do not have the capital to buy a whole bunch “just in case”. It can be difficult to gauge what the demand will be. They are truly doing their best. They are not Amazon or the Gap. I know it can be a bummer sometimes but offering them grace and also positive feedback “Can’t wait for more of these!” goes a long way.

    • Tammy Henderson says...

      What a perfect commentary. Thank you!

    • Christina says...

      So true!

    • K says...

      I agree!

  68. Anna says...

    Now I want to see An Officer and a Gentleman… especially since I once stayed in the hotel room in Port Townsend, Washington where they filmed a few scenes!

    • Kamaile says...

      DO IT! It’s so good and timeless. :-)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Yes do!!

    • K says...

      me too!

    • Denise says...

      I watched it with two girlfriends last month and it was still so, so good. When Zach says “I’ve got nobody” my heart just broke for him all over again.

  69. Twyla says...

    I wanted to comment on the Maya Angelou quote, because although I love her and think she’s genius, I disagree with this. I grew up on a family that minimized each others’ anxieties, fears, anger and disappointments – mainly with the reasoning that ‘other people have it so much worse’. It taught me to live my life ignoring my feelings. Living without self-compassion is a precarious state to live in. I’ve only come to realize in my 40’s that to feel my feelings and acknowledge when I’m sad, frustrated, disappointed etc. is a REALLY healthy thing to do (especially amidst COVID). Yes – thousands are dying; yes – thousands are suffering due to job loss, but that doesn’t mean that my feelings of loneliness due to working at home is something to be ignored or laughed at, and it doesn’t mean that if I acknowledge those feelings and have compassion for myself then there’s less compassion available for someone else.

    In the words of the genius Brene Brown: “Comparative suffering is dangerous. Empathy is not finite. When we practice empathy, we create more empathy. The exhausted ER doctor doesn’t benefit more if your reserve your empathy only for her and ignore your feelings or withhold empathy from someone lower down on the “suffering scale”. Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy, the healing that results affects all of us.”

    • Jamie says...

      I agree. If we were better at both acknowledging our own emotions and being empathetic to others, maybe we wouldn’t be in this mess.

    • kk says...

      love this. such wise words. thanks

    • Ellen says...

      I agree–especially during a time like this, it’s fair to say your frustrations out loud. “Don’t complain” seems kind of tone-deaf when the U.S. alone has just hit 155k Covid-19 deaths and the economy took a 32.9% hit.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      This is such an interesting and thoughtful thread! Thank you for your comments. I was interpreting “complaining” as griping about everyday inconveniences, like the weather being too cold or running out of mayonnaise. I think of talking about coronavirus difficulties as being larger discussions (vs complaints). I definitely think it’s very important to talk about things that are bothering you in a larger scale whether that comes to politics or relationships or health, etc. All good to think about!

    • K says...

      I love Brene Brown, and totally agree that line of thinking after also growing up in a household and (still) dealing with parents who bypass my feelings “you’ll be fine!” or telling to redirect my empathy away from myself and towards the person who hurt me because “they’re hurting, they didn’t mean to hurt you”

      However, I took the Maya Angelou quote as advice to take a deep breath, and be grateful for all that is going well, and that maybe some of the bad stuff isn’t so bad. I personally found it therapeutic.

      So I thought these two lines of thought aren’t necessarily mutually exclusive. But of course, context is important.

    • AE says...

      I feel like the quote triggered you in a way that maybe it doesn’t trigger most people? I think Ms Angelou is referring to breathing through the minor inconveniences that trip us up (shower is too cold, train is delayed, etc) versus ignoring your big feelings about big things. Your projecting doesn’t do the quote justice. Neither does juxtaposing MAYA ANGELOU with Brene Brown. Something that comparison just doesn’t sit well with me.

    • Amber says...

      Twyla, you have made an interesting point here. Like Joanna, I interpreted this to be griping about everyday stuff, not the big things in life. However, you have made me think. I sometimes (ok, often), when my young son complains, remind him how others have it much worse. I see I need to hold back on that sometimes and just let him vent.

  70. Elise says...

    Wait… do Americans not put butter on every sandwich? Is it even a sandwich then?

  71. JJ says...

    CC, I don’t know if this means anything to you, but tonight after my shower I will put on my favorite perfume in honor of your strength.

    • CC says...

      💗

  72. Daniela says...

    Very European! That is how us Swedes eat our “sandwiches” as well, so yummy.

  73. Dawn says...

    The peace towels are beautiful but they are always out of stock. I got an email notice from the company a couple days ago that they were back in stock but by the time I logged on, they were gone. Super disappointing.

    • Emma says...

      Maybe “Super disappointing” but, given the state of our planet currently, very much a minor, insignificant problem.

    • L says...

      Just wanted to offer some validation, Dawn- I know you are aware that in the grand scheme of life these towels being out of stock is no big deal, but it is ALSO frustrating!
      Every. Single. Time there is new stock it sells out in a few hours! So the whole thing of “where can a small business store extra merch” as mentioned above, doesn’t seem to apply here. I LOVE Lena’s work and want to support it! So many other folks do too, and the towels have sold out in a day (at least, always for the colors I want haha) for every launch over the past 2 years at least?
      I wish she would launch with more product or offer pre-orders or something. It’s frustrating to want to support a small business that also repeatedly doesn’t (on the surface, to this potential customer’s view) plan for their own success.

    • Sharon says...

      I reached out to Lena on Instagram, expressing my desire to buy her towels. She emailed me a heads-up, and I was able to order two. So…she is willing to help out…

  74. Emily says...

    My Boston-Irish grandparents slept on side-by-side twin beds in their mint green bedroom right up to the end. A framed portrait hung over each headboard: one of Jesus and the other, John F. Kennedy.

    • Charlotte says...

      Gosh, Emily this made me smile! Jesus and JFK. Too perfect ;)

    • K says...

      too sweet!

    • silly lily says...

      In my Italian in-laws home it was the Pope and Frank Sinatra. Old Blue Eyes was just a teensy bit higher than the Pope.

    • B says...

      Personally I can’t imagine sharing a bed all the time with no option of my own bed, sleep is just not the same, it’s nice to share a bed for some time, but there are times when you need your own space, and husbands also need it as well.
      Religious Jews have separate beds since when a women has her period they have no physical touch, and it’s really nice to have that time especially when you are moody and it is understood by both husband and wife that the wife needs her personal space, it makes for healthy relationships where expectations are out in the open. Also, after that period of time separate, sleeping in the same bed if you want, and touching your husband is a special thing again.

  75. Leah says...

    All the peace towels are still sold out, including the new blue ones :'(

  76. Maryn says...

    THAT HEDGEHOG! I’m gonna cry. Needed that little internet pocket of joy. Thanks for always sharing the good stuff.

  77. Alexis says...

    The Claudia Kishi documentary is everything. Growing up I had Claudia and Connie Chung. My friend’s daughter is in the band who did the song at the end. They’re called The Linda Linda’s and they have a full Instagram-live set on the 15th. Please everyone check them out and show them love next next Saturday!

  78. Caitlin says...

    To reader CC – I can’t imagine how unbelievably tough this lockdown has been for you and your newfound loneliness. Reading your ritual brought a tear to my eye, sending you love from the Cup of Jo community.

    • CC says...

      💗

  79. Abbe says...

    Thank you for sharing the Man Repeller article! It had one of the best representations of my lived experience and feelings on Indian Matchmaking I’ve seen yet. I’m Sri Lankan Tamil American and my life is nothing like Indian Matchmaking. I found the show entertaining because I understand a lot of the tropes and issues at work, and I loved dissecting it with my other South Asian friends. But the whole time I was watching it I was also thinking “ugh, now I’m going to have to explain all of this to white people.” And that’s exactly what happened. There are lots of things that are deeply problematic with South Asian culture, and I’ve grown up with all of them. But I’ve worked really hard to distance myself from that world, and also, hi! All South Asians are not a monolith! And yet I still find myself being a kind of “Indian Matchmaking tour guide” to all my white friends who want to know if I’m having an arranged marriage (no) or if there will be a dowry involved (no) or where they can buy saris (please don’t). Life for all of us is so much more nuanced than what can be portrayed on a (don’t get me wrong, highly entertaining) television show, and I just wish more non-South Asian folks would do the work of trying to understand those nuances instead of placing the burden on us.

    • Leah says...

      I keep trying to figure out how to explain how appealing that ManRepeller piece was for alot of women, not just South Asians! I feel that the title made it sound like exclusive but it was so very inclusive. Great, smart women. More, please! I loved that piece.

    • wek says...

      Just dropping by to say your life is not a performance for whites people. You are under no obligation to be a white persons dictionary, encyclopedia or google. Please steer yourself away from that type of thinking a) because it supports white supremacy b) it “others” yourself and your culture c) as a brown person you are constantly expected to “just get it” when it comes to white culture, the courtesy is never extended the other way.

    • Amber says...

      @Wek, your comment has resonated with me so much! I am South East Asian and studied in Ireland and worked with a lot of white people in the Middle East for many years. I come from a mixed background (Scottish grandmother) so was able to ‘get’ a lot of the stuff my white colleagues/friends liked/discussed but they usually did not ‘get’ me. I would often get patronising/mocking looks if they thought I had not connected with something they were saying or doing but never saw anything wrong with not understanding anything connected to my culture. Don’t get me wrong, they were not all like that but so many were and it was exhausting sometimes, always having to explain things. No, not all Pakistani women are downtrodden. No, we aren’t all un-educated. No, we aren’t all abused by our husbands. Not all arranged marriages are unhappy. Yes, we listen to Western music and watch Western movies. Aarrggh!

  80. Nicole says...

    The necklace link goes to a dress (it’s cute!) on Nordstrom. Can you link to the necklace? Your pics are always spot on!

    • CEW says...

      That’s the correct link. She’s talking about the neckline, not necklace. :)

    • B says...

      I think you misread the link. It says “Every dress seems to have this neckLINE”, not necklace ;)