Have a Good Weekend.

My boyfriend and I don’t have side by side beds, but we do use two different blankets. He uses a big fluffy blanket, and I use a thin, cool one. Even with all the blankets, spooning and cuddling is not stifled, so it all works out!

Sorry to be late to comment because I think anyone considering the jump to separate beds should make the easier change- 1 bed, 2 blankets! We lived in Switzerland for the first 4 years of our marriage and most hotels set up their double beds this way. At first it seemed strange but when we moved away, we took the idea with us. It provides snuggly closeness when saying goodnight but better rest without the blanket wrestle. To make the bed in the morning, fold sheets/blankets and place neatly at the foot.

We went to Iceland last fall and in every hotel, our beds were two twin mattresses pushed together, with separate sheets and blankets with one large quilt/cover over the top–so not exactly two separate beds, but close. We slept SO WELL that we are strongly considering replacing our current queen-sized mattress with two twins. I think the concept of separate blankets could reduce the divorce rate considerably, so imagine how great things could be if couples moved to separate mattresses! LOL

To reader CC,
Your comment touched me to my core. I hope your lockdown
is over or will be soon so someone who is close to you can wrap
their arms around you. The description of your ritual is so moving. Much love to you.

I have a question for the COJ community. If ever there was a place for great advice, I’m sure this is it.

My sister is remarrying this month. She and her fiance each had a child before meeting. The boys are 7- and 8-years-old. They’re both so excited to have their parents marry. However, my nephew is really sad that he’ll be the only one in the family of four with a different last name.

Can you recommend a gift to celebrate the family union that could be cherished by children and parents alike?

Thank you!

You want to tell me folks make sandwiches WITHOUT BUTTER?

I mean, cream cheese is the only thing I wouldn’t use butter with, but I honestly had no idea lol.

Hi Joanna,

Just wanted to drop a note here to say that last week, I had my second baby boy, and realized that at the moment of both of my children’s deliveries, I thought of the doctor who delivered Toby!

Your retelling of his delivery was so vivid that the image of your doctor rooting you on has always stayed with me. When it came time to push, I’ve imagined her in a track suit, with a gold medal around her neck, rooting me on alongside my doctor.

This last time, she got me to push out my son in 13 minutes!

To reader CC,
After I read your comment about losing your husband I said out loud, “Holy sh*t.” Not just because of the loss itself, but because I am blown away by how incredibly brave you are. Sending you love, strength, and peace right now. ❤️

Just going to add a thought to the butter discussion – perhaps it isn’t so much a British thing, but rather an everywhere-except-for-the-US thing? I’ve lived in a lot of places (Australia, SE Asia, Europe) and have never experienced sandwiches without butter!

sending love to CC

I’m American and have always buttered my sandwich bread! My entire family does so, and I had no idea that it was associated with the UK. (Now that I’m vegan I use Earth Balance spread, avocado, tapenade or parmesan-free pesto instead:))

The ex-boyfriend that I dated for 4 years looks JUST like Richard Gere. So much so we dressed up as the couple from pretty woman one year for Halloween! Seeing this always reminds me of him but it’s a nice memory!

I’m Canadian and grew up with butter on sandwiches (though my great-grandparents came from Scotland, so maybe that’s why?)

In Germany we call sandwiches “Butterbrote” = butter bread :-). They would never be without butter.

I thought the subtle differences between US & UK have stopped surprising me, especially now I have an American sister in law, but I am genuinely really surprised to hear that butter on sandwiches is not a universal thing!!

I love mayo on a leftover roast turkey/chicken sandwich but I would butter the bread first. And I can’t imagine eating a cheese sandwich with mayo instead of butter!

This does shed light on why so many US coffee shop chains sell sandwiches with mayo instead of butter here – I thought it was to save money but maybe it’s more cultural?

Lastly, for butter recommendations, Joanna, I highly recommend goats butter!

I love that Oprah choose to use her vast influence in this way. Hopefully Oprah can get those white suburban moms on board to action in a way that so many others cannot! The portrait of Breonna is so beautiful and heartbreaking and conveys her clear confidence and zest for life.

Hahaha my fiance and I always used to fight for the covers. So now we each have our own designated large fuzzy blanket!

Wait, what!? No butter?! How is this possible? Isn’t a sandwich the very reason for butter?

This sandwich thing is weird. The idea of no butter is weird (I’m English). So you’d have plain bread? Absolutely intriguing!

What??? You USA kids don’t butter the bread on your sandwiches?? Mind blown! Not been so shocked since I found out you don’t have mince pies!

I wanted to comment on the Maya Angelou quote, because although I love her and think she’s genius, I disagree with this. I grew up on a family that minimized each others’ anxieties, fears, anger and disappointments – mainly with the reasoning that ‘other people have it so much worse’. It taught me to live my life ignoring my feelings. Living without self-compassion is a precarious state to live in. I’ve only come to realize in my 40’s that to feel my feelings and acknowledge when I’m sad, frustrated, disappointed etc. is a REALLY healthy thing to do (especially amidst COVID). Yes – thousands are dying; yes – thousands are suffering due to job loss, but that doesn’t mean that my feelings of loneliness due to working at home is something to be ignored or laughed at, and it doesn’t mean that if I acknowledge those feelings and have compassion for myself then there’s less compassion available for someone else.

In the words of the genius Brene Brown: “Comparative suffering is dangerous. Empathy is not finite. When we practice empathy, we create more empathy. The exhausted ER doctor doesn’t benefit more if your reserve your empathy only for her and ignore your feelings or withhold empathy from someone lower down on the “suffering scale”. Hurt is hurt, and every time we honor our own struggle and the struggles of others by responding with empathy, the healing that results affects all of us.”