Design

Have a Good Weekend.

seagulls by Nicki Sebastian

What are you up to this weekend? We’re going to the beach, and I’m looking forward to hearing the seagulls squawking. Hope you have a good one — stay safe — and here are some links from around the web…

It is time for reparations.

How cool is this floating balloon art exhibit?

Insecure’s season four was messy, but the fashion wasn’t.

The best advice from therapists. “No is a complete sentence.” “Feelings aren’t facts.” “If someone shows you who they are, you have to believe them.”

Beautiful photographs.

Made me laugh.

I’m into this diagonal wall paint.

Awww, tiny love stories. (New York Times)

Two great deals:

Brooklinen is offering $20 off orders of $100 with code CUP20. (We love their their linen sheets.)

Nisolo is having a huge sale – up to 40% off, plus an additional 20% off for Cup of Jo readers. (!)

Plus, two reader comments:

Says J. on 21 surprising parenting tips: “This probably works best for parents of two children, but one thing my mom did was assign each of us to be either odd or even in early elementary school. The list of things for which this was used grew over the years, but even throughout high school, the little squabbles over who got to sit in the front seat of the car, who got to pick dessert, who got to choose the TV show first, who had to do the dishes, who got to shower first, who got to do ___ first, etc. was easily solved by looking at the calendar to see if it was an odd or even day.”

Says M. on 5 things I want to tell my white friends: “I am a black woman and this made me burst into tears. I have never read something that completely put every inch of my soul into words. THANK YOU, THANK YOU!”

(Photo by Nicki Sebastian.)

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  1. K says...

    the Teen Vogue post about therapist advice is gold. It makes me want to nurture my inner lost earnest jaded teenager, as well as share it with all my loved ones.

  2. B says...

    Regarding reparations:
    As the Talmudic saying goes “don’t give a man a fish, teach him how to fish”
    Giving money is finite, there is a limit, but creating opportunities where people can learn how to provide for themselves in a way that will last generations, by improving schools, providing training programs, etc. that will have a much longer lasting effect than some cash.

  3. AMK says...

    Insecure season 4 was the BEST!!! And such a mind game 😭😭😭😭why couldn’t we have the happy ending!?!

  4. rme says...

    I LOLed at the advice from therapist’s. I’m a therapist, and I can’t tell you how often a patient will repeat something back to me that I “said” (that I definitely did not say!) that they perceived to be helpful advice.

    It’s not my job to give advice, but people still have a way of finding it.

  5. My mother also did the odd and even thing! It worked out perfectly for us — my birthday is an odd-odd-odd, and my brother’s is an even-even-even, so everything fell right in line. She got sick of us arguing over who had to get up first to shower on school days and who got to sleep in, so this was her solution. Ours also evolved over the years, but the school day wake-up remained constant.

  6. Rusty says...

    While I appreciate the balloon art and it’s play on tension, balance, etc.

    I ABHOR BALOONS SINCE THEY QUICKLY BECOME MICRO PLASTIC AND HARM THE PLANET AND OUR FELLOW BEINGS AKA: WILD CREATURES.

    We need to discern between things that are creative/nice/beautiful…whatever and look beyond what it looks like or the feels it gives us, and look deeper to see what ‘it’ is made of.

    Love our home which is our planet.
    Walk our talk and be our word.

  7. Melissa Gnagey says...

    My local university is offering a free course about COVID-19. Here is a brief description, “To try to imagine a future after COVID-19 is to acknowledge that we’re not there yet, that all of us—whether we catch the virus or not—are still affected by this pandemic. Moreover, none of us are affected in quite the same way. Each of us experiences this pandemic differently, and part of the work of this class will be to better understand those differences among us and our responsibility to one another when this pandemic is finally over.”

    I just wanted to let people know about the resource.
    https://emu.edu/academics/covid-course

  8. Cindy says...

    When speaking of her experiences as a young Hollywood starlet, Jane Fonda said, “ I never knew ‘No’ was a complete sentence.” A very powerful lesson, especially for teens and young women in uncomfortable or threatening situations.

  9. K says...

    re: reparations, some reasoning in complete support of community building, but not necessarily cash payments–

    https://quillette.com/2019/03/17/reparations-and-ta-nehisi-coatess-pyrrhic-victory/
    (if anyone is skeptical of the possible bias of the site itself, I hope you don’t mind giving the words a chance)

    if you prefer to watch:

    Reparations Hearing June 2019 (clip) : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5AQyWAWHU4

    Reparations Hearing (full): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fXCwZeKOp2E&t=7530s

  10. Leah says...

    I look forward to Tiny Love Stories every week. <3

  11. Lala says...

    What’s the code?!? —-“Nisolo is having a huge sale – up to 40% off, plus an additional 20% off for Cup of Jo readers. (!)”

    • Maureen says...

      Hi Lala, the code is CUPOFJO!

  12. Ellie says...

    The advice from my therapist I find myself repeating (to myself and others) most often is “don’t fall in love with potential.” People can change, of course, but you should love the person as they *are*, not as they could be.

    • Nikki says...

      YES my therapist often said something similar, “youre falling in love with the idea of them not the actual them” or more simply “stop picking DYI projects” LOL. Then one session when I spoke about constantly checking on my ex via social media she said “you are imagining him now as the man you wanted him to be, not the man he was or the man you broke up with him.” Those two pieces of advice led me to a MUCH healthier (and happier and successful) dating life.

  13. leah says...

    That art exhibit and the artist’s words moved me to tears!

  14. Jenn P says...

    My mom did the even and odd thing for my brother and I, and it worked great. My only complaint, and the one tip I give my friends when they have kids, is to make an exception for birthdays. My birthday is on the 13th and my brother’s is on the 9th, and so he got both of our birthdays which I still, to this day (and I’m 42), don’t think is fair. :)

    • Colleen S says...

      I am the oldest of 4. Three of us are born on even days, and my youngest sister is an odd day. I think that system would have definitely failed, which is why the commenter said it would likely only work for two kids.

    • Shira says...

      We did the even and odd thing, too, and like all older siblings, I still got the better deal. I picked the odd numbers, so for months with 31 days, I got two days in a row. ;)

  15. AN says...

    Thank you SO MUCH for linking to the brilliance that is Nikole Hannah-Jones always, but most especially this piece. The way she so skillfully lays out the story…it’s a masterpiece and I.am.here.for.it!

    • Beth says...

      I agree, An. It is a must read for all white Americans!

  16. Meagan says...

    I do the odd/even thing for my kids and it is really the best. One has an odd birthday and the other even so works and is easy to remember. It’s crazy how quickly who’s turn it is for teeth brushing went from crying drama to okay mama.

    • Rachel says...

      Thank you! I love this! Have 2 kids & was wondering how to chose which is odd & even- birthdates solves it & provides a fair answer if either decides to advocate a little more for themselves.

    • Joy L says...

      We did something similar with our girls, days of the week. One of them got to go/pick first on Monday, Wednesday & Friday and the other had Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. On Sunday, if there were squabbles, we did “pick a number.”

    • Oh, what a beautifully-written gut-punch. Thank you for this.

    • Rae says...

      Yes! The most gorgeous, powerful, and painful essay.

    • B says...

      I think the only way reparations can work properly is if there are dedicated people from the community they are working with creating excellent educational programs, Technical training programs, relationship workshops, music programs, etc. if there is money that is used by people inside the community who understand where the community is coming from that can change the community. Giving people cash does not close the wealth gap, of course if someone is having difficulty with basic necessities they should be able to get help, but you can give one person from any community cash and they will either spend it or maybe use it in a way that can grow, through opening a small business, investing, etc. I think it has more to do with the resources that can help people use money in a way that will make it work for them. If they have those kinds of resources made available and some money that would make a much bigger difference than just giving cash.

  17. Megan says...

    Thanks for the link about reparations! But why not link to the original story, written by a Black woman, rather than a blog post endorsing it, written by a White man? If the NYT paywall is the issue, you could always link both, noting that one includes a block quotation of the other.

    • Alison says...

      I love this suggestion!

    • C says...

      Excellent!

  18. A.M. says...

    Teen Vogue for the win! They have totally transformed in the last few years, and their focus on activism and social and emotional health makes me feel excited for my daughter’s future! How awesome. Many of the things the kids described learning in therapy were things I learned in therapy in my thirties! I can not even imagine how helpful and life-transforming therapy would have been for me as a young teenager, or even in my early twenties. So proud of how our young people are so open to such life-giving practices. I am totally inspired.

  19. Tiffany says...

    Those balloons are so cool, and I had no idea that they are so versatile. We have been seeing all of these super cool balloon sculptures popping up in our neighborhood over the last few months. Once I found out about the company (Luft Balloons – instagram.com/luft.balloon/), I realized they are also trying to do good in the world-through balloons.

  20. Tiffany says...

    Those balloons are so cool – I had no idea that

  21. Laura says...

    That odd or even parenting advice= MASTERFUL

  22. Laura says...

    In addition to that reader comment— we did something similar in our house. There were 4 of us and we all had 2 different numbers between 2-9 (we didn’t count 0 and 1 so those were random). But then we’d look at which day of the month it was to help us. I still remember my numbers being 4 and 2. When the oldest sibling left, we then had 3 numbers each between 0-9 excluding 1. Fond memories of how fun it was to look at the calendar and see it was the 14th of June, for example.