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By the wonderful Jessica Olien.
P.S. Personal pep talks and ways to say I love you.
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I hope this will over as soon as possible. I search for the number of infected patient everyday, it hurts to see more and more people are infected :(
Yesterday I had a friend over for dinner (in Germany we are still allowed to meet privately) and we couldn’t touch. I even cried about it, because it was so hard. Sometimes I’m not sure how people will survive weeks of quarantine. Lots of love to all of you out there.
My boyfriend and I are long distance and don’t get to see each other very often as we both have the budgets of recent college grads and my grad school schedule doesn’t leave me with a lot of time to travel. Because of the state-wide shelter in place orders here in CA, I had to cancel my flight to visit him this week, meaning I won’t see him in person until the shelter in place is lifted/I can safely and responsibly travel again. Definitely missing those hugs! But fortunately we have FaceTime and it’s been so heartwarming to see folks coming together online and showing me I’m not alone in missing my partner! Take care everyone xoxo
I’m going to give so many big hugs when this is over!! I’m single and not usually much of a touch person, but I’m noticing things I miss: a hug of greeting from my best friend, holding a kiddo as I volunteer in the church nursery, the buzz of hanging out in a coffee shop that’s full of lives to eavesdrop on….
Yesterday my 33 year old son texted that he was running to the store and did we need anything? I had been the runner a couple of days earlier so this was a nice treat for me. I responded: lettuce, celery, nectarines, strawberries. When he dropped a package with strawberries an hour later, I reacted as if I hadn’t tasted any in a few years. I rinsed them and arranged them on a small white platter, much like a still life, and placed them on the dinner table. Despite my resolve, I swiped one; couldn’t help it. Then I realized what I was doing: rationing. I was preparing to ration, as this seems to me to be a definite possibility, and soon. But my mind and my heart are slightly ahead of the reality, so I’m rationing now. Probably all of us are.
I don’t live alone, but my dear husband is still working, so his return at the end of the day truly feels like the finish of a small marathon. The hugs come easily enough. I can’t imagine what it would be like to live without them.
My heart goes out to anyone living alone right now. In my imagination I am hugging you all. I hope that helps, a little.
Lily, thank you for saying this. I consider myself lucky to be sequestered with my favorite human. My heart breaks, though, for those who have to be their own rock during this crisis. My mother is elderly, mentally ill and without the capacity to truly grasp social media/online communication platforms. I’m still working, and she left an absolutely heart-wrenching message on my voicemail today. Her experience is filtered through the lenses of pre-existing anxiety and depression, but it still seemed a haunting precursor to what life may soon become for the alienated members of the community. I still haven’t figured out what to say to ease her concerns. I suspect no one has an answer.
Thanks for “seeing her”. :)
Hi, Spaniard here. You know, the second country in Europe with more cases… the country after Italy that started (late, go figure!!) drastic measures to fight COVID-19. Guess what? No kisses, no sex for those living together!! Yes!! Only if both are diagnosed with the virus and in quarantine at home together. Yes. You read right. And if your husband is still working, yes, that’s right. We are asked to repress from hugging, kissing and sex WHILE IN QUARANTINE AT HOME! Just telling everybody, because, unfortunately, we are waaaay ahead of you, so please, learn from us NOW!!
Honestly, I wouldn’t be mad if we did away with handshakes and fist bumps altogether once we get through all of this. High anxiety means I often have sweaty palms, and knowing that I might have to shake someone’s hand just makes it worse. Plus, it’s kind of gross.
OMG!!! YES!!!!! I work with all men and it’s all fist bumps and handshakes. Every. Damn. Day. And for some people, everytime they see you. I hate it. Even with the virus, they all still do it. When they’d stick their fists in my face, I poke my finger through, just like Tig Notaro https://youtu.be/mvytpVa739Y (around 3:14)
I’m at work now and as soon as I read this comment, I burst out laughing.
Agreed, do as the Jews do, it keeps touch as a special thing for just the people who are close to you. Maybe we can bow or something else creative instead. It also creates boundaries and keeps men from being overly familiar and touchy which can lead to uncomfortable situations.
Absolutely! But in some strange way, I feel more connected than ever this week. I’ve done a ton of virtual happy hours with friends all over the globe, have talked to my parents every single day, have ongoing meme/joke sharing with colleagues, have organized virtual playdates for my son, have joined DJ livestreams/virtual dance parties and I even have a virtual date tonight (we met up IRL last week before everything got shut down, tonight we’ll FaceTime over drinks. He suggested sharing playlists beforehand and doing computer-generated Truth or Dare and horoscope readings – I’m excited!). People are getting really creative and resourceful and finding new ways to connect. That gives me hope.
I feel the same way! I’ve been more social than ever, in a weird way. Unexpected FaceTime calls make me jump out of my seat in excitement, when just a few weeks ago I would have stared in horror at an incoming phone call :)
I’m wondering- can we have a post on sex during this outbreak and what’s recommended? My husband and I have no idea what’s considered appropriate during this interesting time and there are minimal resources available online. Thought it would make for an interesting discussion around what’s safe and what isn’t for singles, couples, married couples, whether self isolating solo or with your spouse, and with people you live with if you’re both under quarantine. Thanks for considering!
That would be an interesting discussion. I’m in a long distance relationship so not having frequent physical contact with my partner is not new. He lives in Rome and I’m in CA, so upcoming trips have been cancelled and uncertainty abounds. But! I feel lucky there are a ton of coping skills we’ve already learned and discovered from being long-distance. COJ did a post about LDR’s a while back that is a great resource (hello, commenters!) for experiencing the distance from all its potential positive perspectives :)
From what I understand, if you’re living with your partner, you can go ahead and continue normal activities, including kissing, hugging, and sex. You’ll likely get it from sharing a space with them (they touch a door handle, then you touch the door handle, etc) regardless. My husband and I are continuing on as normal, but we are both working from home, are practicing extreme social distancing with everyone except each other + we live in a 500 sq foot apartment, so there is no way to protect each other from…each other. If one of us gets it, we both get it!
Agreed I have no idea about people in other situations, but thought I’d chime in in case my situation is helpful for you and your husband!
Thanks Becca, that is very helpful! It makes me nervous because I *may* be at high risk (Unsure, can’t get an answer from my cardiologist) and my husband works outside of home. I guess whatever is going to happen is going to happen and I can’t really worry about it.
I’ve been wondering the exact same thing! My boyfriend and I live together, I’m working from home and he is not, and physical touch is my love language so this social distancing is not easy! No one has been providing guidelines on this. Also, hugs and cuddles usually help my anxiety so much!
NYC Dept of Health released guidelines! Here’s a link: https://www1.nyc.gov/assets/doh/downloads/pdf/imm/covid-sex-guidance.pdf
Love this.
I don’t currently live with any other humans, only one truly excellent pupper. I suppose I shouldn’t be surprised at how hard the lack of human contact and touch has hit me, but it has hit me really hard. Mainly, I’m really craving a hug. Maybe I should have bought a weighted blanket or something before this all hit, but oh man, I need a hug to help me calm down a bit.
I have a bunch of wonderful friends, and we’ve been doing a lot of video chats (which I previously kind of loathed), which has been helping. I’m committed to doing the right thing and to sticking to proper social distancing, and I know that I’m really lucky in a lot of ways right now, but this has, and I think will continue to be very hard.
that sounds really hard, liz. i’m sorry. my friend naudia lives alone and said the same thing. video chats sound fun, and i bet walks with the dog feel good (i’m finding fresh air SO helpful). sending you love.
Liz, I know exactly how you feel. Ditto. Text chats with friends across the country have kept me sane. I’ve given air hugs to my sister from 10 feet away, and cuddled with my sweet kitties, but it’s not the same. I would like a long tight embrace from someone I trust, who says “it will be ok.” So far the only thing close enough in terms of comfort is listening to my pastor’s voice on daily prayers he’s posting online. I have a ton of cards I’ve accumulated over the years. A lot I felt were hilarious but too inappropriate to send to anyone I knew but now I think I will send them, even if the message doesn’t match the situation. Not your birthday? Doesn’t matter. Everyone needs to be told they’re a beautiful birthday goddess, right? I think of my grandmas, without WiFi or smart phones, who are more isolated than me. I wish I could hug them for a long long time.
One of my friends who lives nearby lives alone and it’s been very hard on her too. We’ve taken to going on walks “together” – walking the recommended 6 feet apart. It’s not the same as a hug. But seeing another human in person – even if it’s 6 feet apart – has helped make her feel a little bit less alone.
Hi Liz – I live alone in NYC and I’m feeling this intensely. I have been meeting friends for walks and staying 6 feet apart, but not being able to hug them really hurts. I yearn for a partner or even a roommate right now to hug. I’m really afraid that going for many weeks with literally no human touch will do some type of damage to me!
We have a couple of big birthdays coming up during quarantine. Any ideas for businesses who ship to make them smile?
I just sent flowers to a friend from Bouq. They were so pretty and cheerful and there was a great discount for a first-time order. Recommended!
Levain bakery cookies :)
highly recommend carousel cake’s chocolate outrage cake!
https://www.carouselcakes.com/menu/chocolate-outrage-cake/
i had one delivered to a friend in Milwaukee and it arrived perfectly!
When watching TV (as you do a lot these days), I find myself astonished when I see people touch or kiss. Don’t they know we should keep distance!?! That realization makes me feel brainwashed.
Same here. And I see the news anchors on TV and think, who stood close enough to you to do your hair and make-up? Was that really necessary?
I’m not yet in in true lock down, like my friends in CA, but practicing social distancing and staying home. Twice this week my friend group has had a “happy hour” that turned into several hours and it has been THE BEST THING. We meander through topics and occasionally turn to our gripes with this whole crisis, but it’s just really nice to see their faces and be together after putting our kids to bed, or shutting down the work computers and connecting with each other. I’ve stayed up later than I have in a long time and it is worth it, knowing that some of them are in their apartments on their own for several more weeks. I encourage us all to reach out to friends and throw the life preserver!
I will give better, longer, stronger, deeper, warmer hugs than ever!!! Brb gonna go dance around to the Beatles’ “I Wanna Hold Your Hand” now ;)
Considering my love language is physical touch– yes. With friends I haven’t seen in weeks: hand on a shoulder, the top of a hand, a knee, a hug of any length.
My kids and I read books every day– sitting in laps, shoulders and arms snuggling, hands brushing, and lots of kisses, naturally. That helps.
Kate – Touch is my love language too <3
I don't have kiddos, but I have been asking my husband for extra snuggles and hugs. He works in the public health sector, so he has been working incredibly long hours and it is a true gift when I have him home. Also giving my pets lots of love too!
All of this is such a powerful wake up call to what matters most in life. I’m sending love to everyone across the globe right now. Collective support is real. Take sweet and gentle care, each and every one.
“A wake up call to what matters most in life.” – yes to this. I am hyper aware of my blessings and our collective needs as a society. When I have been at the grocery store, my eyes nearly well up as I thank the staff there for being open and re-stocking the shelves for us.
I’m in one EU country, my family’s in the other. The borders have been closed. I’m glad to have a partner and to be able to snuggle, but my sister doesn’t have a that. Really can’t wait to give her a hug, brush her hair and just catch up in person, even though we’ve been facetiming several times a day since the lockdowns.
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