Where Do You Want to Raise Kids?

My husband and I are raising our baby (and hopefully a few more) in a Southwest city we relocated to so I could attend school. After mulling/agonizing over whether to move back to my hometown to be near family and give our baby a small-town childhood similar to what I had, we decided to stay put until the baby is Kindergarten age so that my husband can go back to school and we can get better established financially. It’s such a relief that economics made the choice for us and I feel it’s given me permission to just bloom where I’m planted. I’ve made it a point to spend these next 4 years really getting to know the city and the people here. Even if we won’t be here forever, it’s still a period in our lives and the baby’s childhood, and I want to live fully now. Once my husband is done with school we’ll make another choice, hopefully this time with more options. In the meantime, I see family twice a year and talk to them a few times a week. My husband and I also have some space to establish a family culture that works for us. I think as my parents get older, it will be harder to be away, but we’ll see how things turn out.

Same here. From a small town in the south, and my mid-20s NYC “adventure” is now almost 20 years in and we’re raising a young kid in Brooklyn. Even now, I feel like my brain is always one foot out the door because *surely* we won’t be here forever – yet, here we still are. That’s the hardest part to me. I don’t feel 100% settled, even now. Otherwise, I don’t mind raising him here at all after, like you, assuming all these years I would never do it. It’s actually great, for all the reasons you mentioned. He had a random day off school in the spring (there are so many!) and we took a water taxi out to see the Statue of Liberty, just for something to do. I didn’t see the Statue of Liberty until my 20s and he can because it’s Tuesday. His childhood is so unlike my own, it’s truly hard to fathom, but that’s ok, and he’s happy as can be. He sometimes asks why we don’t have a yard (I want one, too!) but so far, we’re good!

I don’t want to raise my children in the town/region we are currently in (we have 2 children already), but my parents moved out here to Maryland from the midwest when we had our first son and I feel stuck!! Not to mention, my husband’s entire extended family is here.

I deeply miss Ohio, Indiana, Michigan…all the places of my childhood. I try to remind myself that my children will think fondly of Maryland as I do the midwest.

They might not have July 4th Lake Michigan visits, but they will have trips to the ocean every year. They might not be able to ride their bike in a neighborhood, but we can walk a block to get ice cream. They might not get to experience going a state away to stay with cousins for a weekend, but they get to see their grandparents every week. Their childhood will be just as magical as mine, even of it is different.

I never expected to settle in the Minneapolis suburb I was raised in. I spent a little time at design school in Chicago, a blink in Greece and then decided to just go to college here. It was cheaper. It made sense. I’d live with my yiayia through school and THEN jet. But very quickly I met my love. And we found a 500 sq ft apartment in the cutest neighborhood. And I went to grad school. And got pregnant …again… and again. And somewhere in between the 2nd and 3rd baby we landed ourselves a house in my childhood town, the one that I not only never intended to return to but very specifically intended to never return to. But it made sense. And we’re happy. And my parents are an 8 minute drive, so they’re very happy, which makes me especially happy. And while I absolutely salute that life that could’ve been, I completely adore this life that is.

My husband and I moved our family back to my family’s farm in central PA about 3 years ago when our boys were almost 5 and 2.5. We are building a house across the field (but out of the field of vision, thank you rolling hills!) from my parents. My brother and his family will be building just up the hill from us in a few years. I grew up being able to walk to my grandparents’ and cousins’ houses and am thrilled my boys will have the same experience. They are rarely enthusiastic about the ongoing work of the farm, but I am hopeful I can coax them into it with some goats when we are settled in our new house. I don’t necessarily expect them to grow up to farm, but I want them to grow up with an appreciation for hard work, getting their hands dirty, where their food comes from, and a respect for the land. Big ideals for little boys and I am so fortunate to have the setting and the support system of my extended family to help build this for them. There is something really special about raising the sixth generation to live and work on this land.

This is always a battle for me. I can only give advice based off my own experience…if any of you are thinking of moving with young children, do it now! They grow so fast and now we have our oldest about to start high school. I really don’t want to change schools now. If we were to do it, I wished it was before jr high.

After 22 years of living in NYC, my entire adult life since college (Bronx > UWS > Brooklyn > LES > Park Slope > Windsor Terrace), my Husband, two children and I moved to Fairfield County, CT. I grew up on the CT coast and most of my family is here so it seemed to make the most sense. Honestly, we LOVED living in Brooklyn with our kids and would not have considered moving if we could have afforded to buy something large enough in our beloved neighborhood of Windsor Terrace. It has been an adjustment. My kids prefer suburban life but I miss almost everything about the city. Also, like another commenter said, my kids never play in our backyard, I don’t love the schools here like I thought I would, and the kids never plan in their rooms even though they are no longer sharing! We have also found that home ownership is MUCH more expensive than renting and a total pain in the ass.

Emily, you obviously didn’t not grow up in the suburban hellsprawl that is South Jersey. I have nice memories and a lot of nostalgia for where I grew up, but there was never any love for such a soulless, boring place. Except we did have the best pizza.

We’ve raised kids in NYC, suburban CT, and Maine. We have experienced pros and cons in each location. We just try to embrace the good, and overlook the bad.

Hi Joana,

I just love all the topics you come up with. They always seem to resonate with me on a personal level.
My husband and I live in Astoria, Queens. We have lived in Astoria for a very long time, even before we had kids. We have an eight year old and six year old. Our most intense topic of discussion at home is where are we going to settle down. We both know that Astoria is not the answer, but we are constantly ruminating on where that home will be for us. My husband is American, and I am Albanian. I thrive on city life. It gives me energy and it excites me, even just by walking around my neighborhood seeing people walking on the street. Even though we don’t have a lot of energy to go out these days, I just love the fact that so much culture surrounds us. I don’t mind our two bedroom rental apartment. My hsuband grew up in the NYC suburbs and is used to the backyard mentality. I, on the other hand grew up in a one bedroom apartment with my brother and parents in communist era until I was 14, so space is all relative in my opinion.
My husband always talks about how he wants the kids to have what he had, and one of your readers had said something poignant. She had said that these are our ideas as parents, and to our kids it doesn’t really matter where they grow up, whether that’s the city, or suburbs, big house, or small apartment. What matters to them the most, is the time they spend with us as their parents. I don’t care about a house and backyard when I will spend so much time commuting(both of us work in Manhattan), and I will barely make it home for bathtime, let alone dinner or any quality time for that matter.
I long for a simple life in Europe in a Mediterranean country where there is so much life and culture and history, and there is a bigger focus on enjoying your life, and less on what you make or how big your house is, or spending your life paying off a mortgage on a house that you barely get to enjoy.
I grew up playing with the neighborhood kids in my country. We got to focus on our creativity and learned so many social skills instead of toys or play dates. We live in a different time and I can’t even fathom leaving my children unattended for one second.
At the end of the day, home is where you make it as long as your kids are getting the best of you and you are spending as much time with them as possible. I will however take culture any day over nature, but that’s just me. ?

It’s funny because when i arrive in Paris for the first time 9 years ago now, litterally the first thing that came to my mind was “How can people even raise their kids here??”.
I was born and raised in the south of France, a mere two minutes walk from the sea, in a smallish and quiet town – at least in the winter, summer was a total tourist invasion and subsequently a nightmare – and always dreamt about leaving. That was the one thing on my mind growing up, i wanted out, i wanted to go and see Paris. Then i finally got to Paris and realised how priviledged i had been to grow up by the sea!
At first i suffocated. There is something quite unique i guess about being able to see the horizon from your living room, a real sensation of freedom and deep calm that i missed so badly the first few years. At that time, that was a no brainer: i wanted my hypothetical future children to grow up by the sea or the ocean, wherever that might be.
But then it happened: i fell in love, ever so slowly, with Paris. The culture, the diversity, the food options, the architecture, the beauty, i get it now! And it would feel like such a beautiful opportunity to be able to raise my still hypothetical future children here!
BUT. But. There are still several major cons that i don’t underestimate. First of all, Paris is such a special microcosm; there is this idea in France that there is Paris, and then the rest of France (implying that the rest of France is not as good. It’s such a strong rivalry, Paris vs “la province”). And i wouldn’t want my kids to grow up believing that Paris is representative of France and just the best, because it certainly isn’t.
Then there is the space issue. Realistically, staying in Paris with kids would mean being crammed up in a ridiculously small appartment, and probably sharing rooms if there are more than one child. I know it works like a charm for some families, but i also know that i couldn’t not have had my own room growing up, and that is something that i don’t necessarily want to impose on my children. Also, i’d like a garden and being able to plant fruits and vegetables.
And finally, and maybe i should have started with it because it seems like the most important: POLLUTION. Pollution in big cities is tremendously higher than if you live on the countryside, and it is very, VERY harmful for everyone, and obviously even more for children who are more sensitive to it. I’m surprised i didn’t see it discussed more in the comments… Because by living in big cities, we are all exposing ourselves to air pollution, and risking basically, our lives. Do i want to take this risk for my children and potentially endangering their health? I don’t know. I really, genuinely don’t know if all of the reasons why i love Paris are worth taking this risk.

I was privileged to be raised by a mother whose motto was “We’ll make the best of it.” She believes it applies to most things in life, but I specifically recall hearing it often when we moved from the city in which I was born and raised (Berlin, Germany) to the United States when I was 16 years old. I can’t say I was convinced at the time, but I discovered that – for all the things I missed about being a teenager in Europe – there was something equally wonderful about living in the suburbs of Atlanta, GA.

My husband grew up in the countryside (a house in Provence from which you have to squint to see your closest neighbours). We met in Ethiopia, and lived together in Pakistan, New York City, and South Sudan before we had children. We’ve been raising our children (who were also born in Berlin) in eastern Congo (Goma) and now in Nigeria’s capital city (Abuja). They have three passports and speak three languages, and I tell them they are very lucky that they have not just one, but many different homes.

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned from moving around, it’s to embrace the overall package – for every thing that bothers you about a particular place or that you miss, you can find something unique to appreciate that you wouldn’t have anywhere else. Yesterday, after my four-year-old asked me wistfully when she will get to play in the snow again (we had just looked at pictures of their cousins’ ski holidays), we had a big thunderstorm and I took the girls outside dressed only in their raincoats to jump in the puddles and run in the warm “mango rains” (short rainy season that produces lovely ripe mangoes). It was perfect.

I’m the opposite of Jo. I grew up in Queens and then the ‘burbs in NJ, so NYC was always my beloved “the city”. My high school boyfriend and I would always argue about this question of where to raise kids, him questioning the prudence of childhood in NYC and me always sticking up for the diversity, the grit, the cultural riches. Fast forward 20 years and I’m now in a semi-rural college town in eastern CT with my Atlanta-grown husband, after we both hopped around various large and exciting cities all over the country in our 20s and early 30s. We two city kids have now been in “the country” for nearly 6 years and are still feeling strange and out of place. With a 2 year old we now deeply appreciate that our town’s public schools are excellent, we can rent a 3bed/2bath house on an acre for as much as our 500sf Oakland apartment, and there’s tons of beautiful nature to explore in all directions. We’ve made some friends, we’ve gotten to know the roads and weather and where the best ice cream spots are. And yet our hearts still ache for the city… any city at this point. I think our plan is to stay here for my husband’s job until our daughter goes to college, then move back to a city where we still have threads of friendships. Sigh. This is always a bittersweet discussion between me and my husband.

NOWHERE!

I grew up in a beautiful horse farm town in central New Jersey. My husband grew up in an affluent area of South Florida, where I was attending college when we met. Flash forward 18 years and we’re still here, with a 5 year old and an 8 year old. I can’t imagine raising my kids anywhere else. The summers are BRUTAL, but the winters are beyond perfect. I couldn’t imagine layering my kids in sweaters and down coats except for Christmas week when we make the trek up north to my family and enjoy the winter. There was a time we considering leaving South Florida for a bit more room, but I realized there’s a lot we’d be giving up. There’s something to be said about hitting the beach in February, you know?

The more my beau keeps suggesting, “Upstate,” the more I keep picturing ourselves staying in NYC. We’ll get enough change as it’ll be!

The thing is, your children will love wherever home is! If they grow up with mountains, they’ll love the mountains. If they grow up in a big city, they’ll love the big city. Their childhood, wherever it happens will have those amazing and unique memories for just them. I think it’s the grown up in us that thinks that our children want the same thing we had when we were kids, but honestly, they just want to be with you. Wherever that is.

I grew up in a suburb of Dallas, Texas and loved everything about it… the feel of a slightly smaller town, yet the accessibility and ease of everything that a big city has to offer. After I graduated from college and worked overseas for several years, I moved back to my hometown with my parents for a brief period of time between jobs, and I met and fell in love with the boy next door! As in, literally, the man who had purchased the home next door to my parents years prior (while I was still in college). We married within a year of starting to date, and I moved from my parents’ home to my husband’s home one house down. My dad jokes that of all the times he schlepped my stuff from dorm rooms to college houses and back again, this move was the easiest one yet. :) My husband and I have been married for 11 years and have a 10 year-old son, and we still live next door to my parents. It is not what I ever would have planned for myself, but I LOVE it. I love that my son gets to grow up with his grandparents as such a daily part of his life, and I love being close to them as they age. Living in my hometown has been just a great as it was when I was a kid, and I love that my son gets to experience many of the same things that I did at his age. As cliche as it seems, the suburban life is just right for us!

After moving around a lot, we recently moved into a home on an oak lined, cobblestone street directly right across from my children’s school. Every single day as I look out our front window, I want to pinch myself because it feels like stepping back into the 1970’s in the very best possible way. The kids on the street are all friends and run from yard to yard playing all sorts of games. They bike ride, they practice gymnastics in the front yards and they make up silly games while the grown up sit on front porches and drink coffee (or sometimes cocktails!) and talk about life. Every day here is so wonderfully CONNECTED, that I can’t help feeling so lucky, even though we’re in Illinois and not in a gorgeous coast or looking out at beautiful mountains. It’s all good, but the icing on the cake was Halloween. We have our over 2500 pieces of candy!!! It was like the scene from Hocus Pocus when all the kids were out trick or treating.