Motherhood

The #1 Thing I’d Tell Meghan Markle About Pregnancy

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry

Guys!!! Did you read this morning that Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are expecting a baby? I’m usually not a big celebrity/royal/etc follower, but somehow I just love them. As her pretend friend from afar, here’s the one thing I’d tell her about pregnancy…

“Their Royal Highnesses The Duke and Duchess of Sussex are very pleased to announce that the Duchess of Sussex is expecting a baby in the Spring of 2019,” Kensington Palace said on Twitter. “Their Royal Highnesses have appreciated all of the support they have received from people around the world since their wedding in May and are delighted to be able to share this happy news with the public.” Whoot whoot!

If I could go back in time and tell my pregnant self one thing, I’d say: Trust your gut. People will have endless thoughts on what to eat, wear, do, say, plan and think, but it’s your body and your baby, and you can for sure follow your own instincts. If friends share what worked for them, that’s awesome (I LOVE hearing people’s stories and advice), but you can choose what to take or leave. As Amy Poehler says: “Good for her! Not for me.” (My runner-up piece of advice: Babies be babies:)

Plus, let’s chat about a few other fun things…

Prince Harry as a baby

Who do you think the baby will look like? Here’s scampy Harry…

Meghan Markle as a baby

…and Meghan. Those curls!

What do you think she’ll crave? Apparently, when Kate Middleton was pregnant with her third, she sent Prince William to grab a jar of pickles for her and asked that they be cut into thin slices and served on very toasty toast. Personally, I was obsessed with Cheerios. I’d wake up at 3 a.m., devour a giant bowl, and then climb back into bed.

Harry and Meghan’s baby will be seventh in line to the throne when he or she is born next spring. After Queen Elizabeth, the heirs are:
1. Prince Charles
2. Prince William
3. Prince George
4. Princess Charlotte
5. Prince Louis
6. Prince Harry
7. Harry and Meghan’s baby

Meghan Markle and Prince Harry

Congratulations to the couple! What advice would you share? If you’ve been pregnant, what helped you during that time?

P.S. More on pregnancy and parenthood, if you’d like to read:
* What if you have a hard time conceiving?
* How did you know you were ready to have a baby?
* My pregnancy survival guide
* A pep talk for pregnant women
* What labor felt like to me (and the comments are fascinating!)
* 15 things I’d tell a new mother
* On having an only child

(Pickles photo by Alex Lau for Bon Appetit.)

  1. michaela says...

    I finally made the decision recently that I’m ready to start trying to conceive…recently as in, I should have started my new cycle of birth control pills last Sunday but didn’t (!) I had a doctor’s appointment scheduled already, so we did a quick “pre-conception” check-in…she gave me some prenatal vitamins, made sure I was up-to-date on my shots, gave me some quick advice about limiting my alcohol consumption and watching what I eat…. but I’m finding myself a little bit adrift in this stage. It feels to me like there’s SO MUCH BIG NEWS going on because I know I’m at the edge of making a big life change, and yet there’s nothing actually going on yet to report out to friends and family. I’m already getting lost in Google wormholes of things you should and shouldn’t do, consume, or apply to your body when you’re pregnant and I’m getting overwhelmed trying to figure out if I need to check if my shampoo has parabens or if I should quit coffee now or if I need to stop going to my hot yoga classes. I know I’m not pregnant yet, but how do you figure out what the fuck you’re doing when you very much could become pregnant? This is a weird stage and I’m curious if anyone else has navigated this!

  2. Amy says...

    I love the motherhood series, and all things motherhood on this site – but I’m wondering if you guys wouldn’t mind spending some time covering miscarriages? I’ve had 4 and could really use a fresh perspective & the wise words of this amazing community. There’s probably a lot we can share with each other! <3

  3. Don’t google anything! If you must, get your husband or a rational friend. No one needs that level of bombardment during pregnancy.

  4. Jane says...

    This is such wonderful news, but comes on a difficult day. Our close friends just lost their three-month-old baby today, after three months of complex, heart-wrenching medical difficulties. They held their baby until 5 minutes after his heart stopped, and then his nurse brought him to the OR so his organs could be donated to other sick babies. Nothing elicits in me anger and sorrow and sadness at the cruelty of this world more so than imagining their sweet baby’s difficult life ending. But then I remember their incredible gift to other families going through something similar, and I weep at their incredible kindness and bravery. Sending love to anyone going through something similar, for whom this joyous news can feel heavy and unfair. We see you and love you, mamas.

    • Nykole says...

      Jane, that was so hard to read. I’m so sorry for your friend’s tragedy (the world is a deeply unfair place), but so awed by their generosity to other families.
      Sending love and hope.

  5. Lisa says...

    A super important preganancy advice that no-one gives you, which baffles me, is that when you’re pregnant you’re THREE TIMES more insulin sensitive than usual. This is why pregancy diabetes is a thing. Stay away from sugar. I found this out after my pregnancy. Surely this is more important advice than the minuscule chance of getting ill from cured meats which every doctor will tell you to do. Is the sugar industry behind this…?

    • cynthia says...

      Hi! Diabetes is actually caused by insulin resistance, so a decrease in insulin sensitivity.

      The placenta produces Human placental growth hormone (hPGH) and human placental lactogen (hPL). These hormones are basically preventing sugar uptake by the mother, hence the spike in blood glucose levels, to ensure that the placenta and fetus get enough nutrients. Cortisol and growth hormones also contribute.

      Being overweight at the time of conception is the #1 risk factor for developing gestational diabetes.

  6. Eva says...

    where are my weird cravings?? except maybe an increased affinity for peanut butter cups ;)

    i’m 19 weeks and finally found a pregnancy book that speaks to me: “like a mother” by angela garbes, a journalist who takes an investigative, intersectional, and just-heartfelt-enough approach to pregnancy and the beginnings of motherhood, with a deep dive into pregnancy science (and its many lackings). i’m going to recommend this to everyone who gets pregnant after me :)

    cheers to being judgement-free! and sending warm thoughts to those trying to conceive <3

  7. Jessica says...

    If she’s feeling nausea, I’d remind her of the following: I’m now on my 4th pregnancy, after 2 miscarriages and a still birth. Every time I felt nausea in my first trimester, I’d remind myself that nausea is a sign of a healthy pregnancy, suck it up, it is for a purpose. Remembering what it was for made it completely bearable. Probably the only time in my life that I have ever celebrated feeling like I need to puke.

    • Rachel says...

      Jessica, thank you for that reminder, and thank you for being a mother to those three babies in heaven. Praying for your peace and for your future babies!

    • Samantha says...

      The need to puke is our body’s way to protect us from dangerous substance or microorganisms. In a pregnant woman’s case, it protects the baby. So nausea (when not provoked) should always be appreciated 😁

  8. G says...

    How timely this post! I just started my maternity leave yesterday, two weeks out from our due date, one week out from our scheduled c section due to baby girl being perked up for tea time since week 28. I wanted to take this time for myself to find the quiet; to relax. I think I’ve partially entered that space – it’s certainly quieter than being in the rush of downtown DC. Relaxing isn’t as easy as I thought it would be but I’m finding the moments between pee breaks, walk breaks, snack breaks, laundry breaks and water breaks (no pun intended.) I’ve had an incredibly healthy pregnancy. I spent a lot of time preparing my body for a vaginal birth, listening to other women’s stories and wondering what it will be like for my husband and I when labor would strike, if it would be quick or long. A vaginal birth mattered to me for a few reasons aside from just the experience. I struggled with a lot of pain over my reproductive years and never felt like I had very much control over my body so entering pregnancy feeling better than ever also gave me a sense of empowerment for the first time to really own it. My mother and her sisters were all very young when they started having children and all had c sections at a time when they were much more common than they are today. My mother also passed away when I was three so I don’t know fully what her experience was like. I wrote out countless affirmations each week and decided that if my husband could go to war and spend years in the desert, that I could do this pain thing for a day. The day we had to schedule the c section was a tough swallow. It was everything I didn’t want in a birth plan for her but my sister, who has two children of her own that were both preemies and both sections welcomed me to parenthood, “where certainties are few and the best plans often fall short.” It’s so true. I guess my advice for any new mama to be would be to make your beautiful plans but keep an open mind. At this time next week, I will be holding our baby, staring down at the beautiful little human I have fiercly protected over the last nine months and will for the rest of this unpredictable life.

    • Lydia says...

      Hi,
      My husband and I were all geared up for a vaginal birth (doula hired, hypnobirth classes completed) but our son was breech so scheduled c-section it was. I spent weeks feeling anxious and afraid until two of my co-workers (also nurses) shared their positive experiences. I took the weekend before off and relaxed, we woke up the morning of and I gave myself a blowout and did my makeup. We filmed a happy birthday video for our baby telling them how excited we were to meet them. My husband and I walked to the OR holding hands, listened to my birth playlist, and our doula took gorgeous photos of the whole thing. We also had a clear drape so we could see them right away, we had a boy! Recovery was easy, pain was managed with Tylenol, and my scar healed beautifully. Excited for you to meet your baby, it is truly the greatest. Wishing you a peaceful birth.

  9. Nancey says...

    All I wanted when pregnant with my Daughter was italian dressing on toast. I know, gross, and then with it I wanted a gigantic glass of cold milk. HO K. very weird, but I HAD to have it.

  10. Amanda says...

    I totally agree with the “trust your gut” and “follow your instincts” advice. But, I will add a caveat: it’s okay if you’re not understanding what your gut is telling you in every situation or if there are times when you don’t know what to do. When my son was 3 months old he had a fever. I took him to the doctor and they said it was just a cold and to bring him back on Tuesday (office was closed for a long 4th of July weekend) if he wasn’t better. The whole weekend was awful. I kept calling the doctor’s off hours line and they kept saying he would get better. I was so conflicted about waiting versus taking him to the ER because I thought if I took him they would do all of these unnecessarily invasive tests just because I was too paranoid to follow the doctor’s advice. Throughout these few days people were telling me to “trust my gut,” but that was frustrating because in the moment I really did not know what to do. I felt like my gut must be broken because I didn’t know how best to help my baby. In the end, I took him to the ER on Monday (the holiday) because I couldn’t take it anymore. He was very seriously ill, needed surgery, and we were in the hospital for 8 days. In hindsight, my instincts were telling me something was wrong, but I didn’t understand that at the time. I thought I was just being too much of a worrier. I still feel so guilty for not “trusting my gut” in the moment and not taking him to the hospital sooner. So, I would just add as advice to newly pregnant women/new mothers, there might be moments when the communication between your gut and your brain isn’t perfectly clear and you might feel scared and confused and unsure of yourself. That’s okay, you’re still learning.

  11. Em says...

    My Mom gave me great advice about not being a “baby person.” She said, “Remember – most of the time that you are a parent your children are actually adults.” I never thought about this! The baby years are short, but you will have lots of children and teen years, and the most adult years. That gave me great perspective and a lot more confidence entering parenthood. And guess what? Once my son arrived I became a “baby person” – at least temporarily and when it comes to him.

  12. “You don’t have to cherish this time.”

    My sister passed that advice along to me when I had a newborn, and it applies to pregnancy, as well. It was so hard suffering through the yucky parts of pregnancy, and also feeling super scared about the transition ahead, and feeling all this pressure to be a joyful, glowing, pregnant goddess. Same for the newborn days! I had (undiagnosed) PPD, felt out of my mind with fear and anxiety most days, and on top of it all had this huge sense of guilt for not cherishing my daughter’s earliest days. My sister really helped free me with those words, and looking back, I DO cherish those memories, even though I didn’t at the time, if that makes sense!

    • J says...

      YES that makes sense. Needed that today, thank you.

    • M in the Midwest says...

      AMEN. And I also feel exactly the same way about my daughter’s newborn days in retrospect (such treasured memories!). I always try very hard not to tell other women how to feel about having a newborn baby because I distinctly remember resenting all of the people in those moments telling me how “precious” those days were. They did not feel precious then and I did not need to be made to feel like my parenting or my personhood was insufficient or incorrectly responding in some way. The pressure to enjoy something that felt so hard was entirely unhelpful.

      Your sister’s advice is succinct and perfect and also very open-ended: maybe you do cherish these days, maybe you don’t. Either one is okay. I will pass it along every chance I get.

    • Rachel says...

      Yes to all of this. I had horrible PPD, Perinatal OCD during and after my pregnancy with my 2nd child. It was awful at the time, I didn’t think I would get through it, but I did and 5 years on I remember the hard times to an extent, but I absolutely cherish that first year and really only look back with fondness – never fear or sadness. :)

  13. Christina Stannard says...

    The funniest advice my mom gave me was to always carry a jar of pickles around during my last month of pregnancy. That way, if my water ever broke in public, I could smash the jar on the ground and no one would be the wiser. Plus, it’s a great snack!

    • M says...

      This is the best! ha!!

  14. This probably doesn’t apply to Meghan but if I could go back and tell my pregnant self (I’ve been pregnant four times but only one was ultimately a viable pregnancy) one thing, I’d say:

    You may never have this opportunity again: to be pregnant, to carry a child to full term and then, to have a baby, feed your baby late at night/early in the morning and experience all of those precious firsts. Pregnancy and new motherhood is so profoundly hard but it is also a uniquely special season of life.

    P.S. You don’t have to breastfeed.

    • Jamie Killian says...

      yes, thank you. I have a one week old and I love you for this, especially your PS. Its so simply and lovely when other woman extend grace just for the hell of it. Thank you.

    • CaraM says...

      Thank you for this beautiful sentiment. I had another friend share something similar with me when I became pregnant – she had had several miscarriages and a stillborn baby. It really made me appreciate all of the stages of early motherhood and pregnancy (even the hard parts), because they are miracles. It really helped my pregnancy become a very positive one. I was so grateful. And yes to the PS.

  15. Ali says...

    There are SO MANY BABIES right now!! My brother and his wife just had their first, my other brother and his partner are expecting their first, and my cousin and his partner told me yesterday that they’re expecting their second (and laughed about how Meghan and Harry stole their thunder!)

    Meanwhile, I cried the other day because I’m unlikely to have kids any time soon and am VERY single. Feels a bit overwhelming to be surrounded by pregnancy and babies right now, and I’m not even struggling to conceive or anything, so I can’t imagine how it must feel for those who are. Most of the time, it doesn’t phase me in the slightest- and I am SO EXCITED about all the gorgeous little ones whose auntie I get to be- but it does feel a bit much some days…

  16. Sometimes the thing you’re struggling with (be it breast-feeding, sleep etc) will work itself out when your baby is a bit bigger. They’re tiny and still learning, and sometimes no amount of intervention will change that. Go easy on yourself, and give yourself a little time x

    • Caitlin says...

      “They’re tiny and still learning, and sometimes no amount of intervention will change that. ”

      This is amazing parenting advice for the toddler, preschool, and adolescent years, too! Thank you!

  17. Erin says...

    It’s fine to dislike pregnancy. It’s weird and uncomfortable to have another human being living in your body, and feeling annoyed by the whole process is pretty normal and not indicative of how you’ll feel about other aspects of motherhood. And it can be helpful to have a doctor who doesn’t expect you to love every minute of pregnancy. Halfway through my first pregnancy, my OB said “Well, you seem to be tolerating pregnancy fairly well,” and I was SO relieved. Right, I just have to tolerate this! Being kicked in the bladder over and over doesn’t have to be my favorite thing ever!

  18. Caitlin says...

    I would say to find folks who talk about the joys of being a parent. There is so much out there about how hard it is. Sure, little ones can be tiring, but so much more often they are joyful and silly and sweet and determined and curious. And snuggly! And they smell delicious, and they make you stop and notice all the little wonders of the world.

    • M from the Midwest says...

      It’s so interesting that you say this! I had the opposite experience throughout my pregnancy and the handful of times someone was honest with me about just how hard it all was were my saving grace. Mine was an accidental pregnancy and I struggled emotionally through the entire thing. This was followed by the birth of our very demanding infant (who needed to be held or worn every waking minute or she screamed), and the first year was rough. There were SO MANY people around me telling me how these days were the most magical and I should cherish them now before they were over; I felt so lost and alone, and I resented the people insisting that this was the sweetest time of my life.

      I am very careful now to ask new moms questions (and only give advice when solicited!). “How are you feeling? How is everyone adjusting? How is he sleeping? What are her favorite things right now?” It’s nobody’s place to tell someone else how they’re supposed to feel. The best thing we can do to support one another is to validate the authentic, real, messy truth of everyone’s unique parenting journey.

    • Caitlin says...

      Thank you so much for sharing, M! I think it’s so interesting that we had such different perspectives and experiences.

      I found out that I was pregnant the morning I was supposed to start IVF, after months of failed fertility treatments. I felt so grateful to be pregnant and it felt like everyone around me kept warning me about what was coming, rather than sharing in my joy. When people heard I was pregnant and started telling me
      horror stories about their kids’ difficult phases (and OH are there difficult phases!) I wanted to scream: “Do you know how badly I have wanted this baby?!?”

      It really highlights the wisdom of your approach of asking questions and really listening. Having other people who can validate your experience is so important. <3

  19. Elizabeth B. says...

    This is so exciting!!! My husband and I are expecting our first, so I feel like I don’t have a ton of advice on my pregnancy journey except these two things: let people help you and give yourself grace. I don’t like to burden my husband or family with tasks, but this whole fatigue and nausea business is no joke! I felt like I couldn’t accomplish anything. I am very thankful for the helping hands of my husband and others, and am proud of myself for allowing it to happen! Also, grace. Especially with food and giving yourself rest time. Cheers and blessings to Harry, Meghan, and all you mamas out there! You are amazing :)

  20. Sasha L says...

    Find a doula that feels like she (or he!) is already an old friend, someone who helps you feel calm and safe, someone who listens without judgement and understands you. And then spend as much time as you can with her while pregnant, and help your partner learn to trust her too, she’s there for him/her as well. A doula is like your own personal pregnancy/labor/birth/baby fairy godmother. She’s magical, not in the sense she can wave a wand and make pain disappear or make a particular outcome happen, but in the way your trust for her will surround you in a little bubble of safety and just make it all better than it would have been.

    At my first baby’s birth, she came very quickly and my doula helped me find calm in the storm. When she was born unconscious (her umbilical cord was pinched under her arm cutting off her oxygen), very blue and limp, as the doctors and nurses resuscitated her (she scored an Apgar of 1 @ 1 minute), my doula looked me right in the eyes and said “she’ll be fine, she has a heartbeat” and those words made it possible for me to keep breathing, because I BELIEVED her and she had just held me through the hardest experience of my life and I trusted her. It’s EVERYTHING to have that person. (I later became a doula because it’s good to have magical powers).

    • diana k. says...

      Oh my God, I’m so happy that horrific situation worked out. I can’t imagine that feeling.

  21. L.J. says...

    I would give the advice that I’m currently giving myself every day, at 34 weeks pregnant after we lost our daughter at 19 weeks last year:

    No matter what you’ve gone through in your pregnancy, loss, or when ttc, someone else has been there and can give you support. Find those people, wherever they are, and keep them close. But remember that your experience is also yours alone, and you get to celebrate it, grieve it, or face it however you need to.

    That, and even an ‘easy’ pregnancy is hard work.

    • Katie says...

      I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope you are surrounded by support as you await your rainbow baby!

    • I’ve taken screenshots of so many of these nuggets of wisdom, but I really love your comment LJ. At 34 weeks myself, I’m starting to mentally prepare myself for the big things that lie ahead and your advice will be my mantra!

      And you’re so right – an easy pregnancy is still not easy!!

  22. A Martin says...

    A fed baby is best! If you want to nurse, give formula or both. It doesn’t matter, just feed the baby and don’t torture yourself in the process. It gets easier!

  23. Claire says...

    If you feel like you can’t figure out why your newborn is crying, strip them down. I learned that from the seasoned nurse who taught my class on caring for a newborn. It seems to serve both a psychological resetting purpose for both of you, and can uncover something unexpected, like a scratchy clothing tag.

    • Elizabeth B. says...

      That is awesome advice!

    • diana k. says...

      This is great advice!

    • Madame says...

      This is SUCH good advice. It works… for both.

  24. Beth says...

    Such fun news, and I love the advice angle of this post. But I do feel compelled to point out that we (we as a culture, I mean) rarely speculate openly about what babies are going to look like unless they’re mixed race. As the mom of mixed-race children, I’m extra-sensitive to this. When I was pregnant with each of my boys, I got a lot of “I can’t wait to see what he looks like!”—a comment that my sister, who’s caucasian and married to a caucasian, never got when she was pregnant with her kids. The truth is, every mother wonders what her kids will look like, and it’s fun to speculate, but when the speculation from the outside world is only voiced when the kid is going to be mixed-race, there’s something unsettling about it. I think probably all (or at least most?) of these comments are 100% well-intentioned, but they also feel like just another way we set non-caucasians aside as “other.” I feel like we can do better.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh really? i always think about what couple’s babies will look like — our friends have so many kids who look JUST like the dad or JUST like the mom. also, i speculated so much about our own! here’s my post on toby, before he was born: https://cupofjo.com/2010/04/what-will-the-baby-look-like/

    • Beth says...

      @joanna totally! That’s my point—we all wonder about what our own babies will look like (I loved the post where you speculated about Toby!) and what our friends’ babies will look like, but for some reason the media world puts a super-weighted focus on what babies of mixed-race kids will look like. I don’t think it’s malicious at all, and I don’t necessarily know what conclusion(s) to draw from it, but, as with all things related to race, I do think it’s worth noticing and thinking about. I think Cup of Jo does such an incredible job of being inclusive and having real conversations, even when they’re potentially uncomfortable—it’s one of the reasons I look so forward to reading your posts every day. I just wanted to bring this issue up as a discussion point and maybe something to consider going forward.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i hear you, beth. thank you so much for your comments and insights xoxo

    • K says...

      You sound fairly biased to expect that race is forefront in the mind of everyone meeting your children, but that’s an assumption, not fact.

      It’s one of the most common things I’ve heard in reaction to pregnancy news (any pregnancy), typically harmless, baby shower-type blather – “Ooh, which parent will they look most like?” Usually I think that’s just code for, “I wonder if the kid turn out ugly or cute?” People are always nosy about babies.

      People speculated on what each of William and Kate’s children would look like. I inherited my dad’s thick, unruly hair and my mom’s nose–they contributed different genetic qualities from their family lines even though we’re all white. So whatever, I became a mixture of them, which makes me unique from each of them. Everyone is something new.

    • Beth says...

      @K, to clarify, I don’t “feel that race is forefront in the mind of everyone meeting [my] children.” I simply noticed that, both times I was pregnant, I got lots of (very well-meaning) comments about what my baby would look like, often followed by statements like “I think mixed babies are SO beautiful,” or “mixed kids have the best skin!” So, very often, I wasn’t simply assuming the comment had to do with race; there was actual evidence to support it.

      At first I felt offended by your suggestion that I’m “fairly biased,” but as I think more about it, I guess that yes, as a mom of two mixed-race kids, I am probably biased when it comes to any topic related to race. I’m not sure that’s a bad thing. I spend a lot of time reading about, thinking about, and talking with my husband and my friends about race. I think a lot about how to talk to my kids about it, and how to help them navigate questions like “what are you?” I feel hyper-aware of society’s subtle ways of holding up white as the norm and everything else as “other.” Mostly, like all moms, I feel fiercely protective of my kids. If protecting them means being biased toward ideas and policies and conversations that will make things better for them, then yes, I am definitely (and proudly) biased.

    • mia says...

      That sounds so frustrating Beth, I understand why you would feel extra-sensitive about that. I speculate about everyone’s babies, and love seeing what aspects they have inherited from among their family, and even variations of a feature amongst siblings, it’s beautiful. Even though my husband and I are both Caucasian we have completely opposite colouring (super pale skin, blue eyes, blonde & deep olive, black hair, dark eyes) and so who knows what that cocktail is going to look like in a kid!

    • Marta says...

      I could not disagree more, but I am Spanish so maybe things are different here. Most people in Spain are caucasians, yet the topic ‘What will the baby look like?’ is a given in any conversation involving a pregnant woman. I am caucasian and so is my husband and we would always wonder what our daughter would look like, if she would take after his family or mine. Mixed race or not, it is a big surprise to see the baby’s face, isn’t it?

    • Hannah says...

      I had some soul searching to do after this comment, thank you. I speculate on a baby’s looks all the time: whose eyes/nose/feet did she get, did the pieces of her parents fit together well, etc. My own family was obsessed with who inherited what from whom – I was literally introduced as “here’s Hannah, she’s the only one in the family who got her grandfather’s blue eyes.” My son is adopted and we only met the birth mom, so I keep imagining what the birth father looked like based on my son’s features.

      So far all of that sounds pretty superficial, so what did I learn in my soul searching? When I think of a mixed-race baby, my first thought is “ooooh, that’s going to be a beautiful, exotic looking baby.” It had not occurred to me before that it’s a way of thinking of the baby as “other” and that even my assumption that the baby would be beautiful was stereotyping. I thank you for your comment, and I will strive to do better.

    • JN says...

      Beth, I am so interested in this! I have two sisters-in-law with the same name (coincidentally) one is a white brunette married to a white brunette…they have two kids, white brunettes, as you would imagine.

      My other sister in law is a white blonde married to a brown-skinned Iranian guy. They don’t have kids yet, but we’ve already spoke of (in our family): What will their kids look like??? It feels like it’s going to be such a delightful surprise because the two of them look so different from each other. We never really spoke of this with my first sister-in-law bc it was so obvious and completely predictable how their kids would look since the parents essentially look alike…lol.

      Does this make sense? How do you feel about it? I really appreciate your insight as I’ve never considered how this could be offensive and I’m so sorry if it is. Thank you for sharing!

    • eunice says...

      @beth and @K @ To those commenters who have expressed that both parents are caucasian and it is the same thing as mixed race when receiving comments about what the baby will look like, I have to say it is completely different because caucasian features no matter how varied and diverse are mere physical features whereas minority race features such as skin and hair color, eyes and nose shapes that have been wrongly linked with perjorative and an inferior status. I have heard innocent comments such as I’m excited to see what ‘the baby will look like you or you husband!’ but to more racially toned comments that make me and my baby feel like a zoo animal under scrutiny such as oh the baby looks so ‘asian’ which in many ways has a negative undertone or the baby looks so ‘white’ intended as a compliment, which I have heard from people of both race and multiple culture. I don’t believe it is ever intended in malice but the society we live in now, there is a tendency for there to be an invasive curiosity to a mixed-race kids that is considered ‘not standard’. Either way, non racial or racial comments always make me a little tense up because i didn’t know what their next comment will be.
      – thanks for voicing this!

    • Beth, I completely understand where you are coming from and I validate your comment. You are very correct with the “other” comment – and like you said, I don’t think it is meant in a bad way, but still, there it is. Yes, everyone is curious about a royal baby but let’s be honest they are REALLY curious about this baby: How it’s going to look – pale white skin, really curly red hair? Brown skin, blondish hair? I mean, it could go so many ways. It’s probably all meant in fun and love from everyone – and it’s also exhausting for the parents. You are right to feel “some sort of way” about it.

      I commend your sensitivity and I take offense with the comments that are telling you otherwise – you MUST be sensitive because you are the mother of children of color. You SHOULD have race at the forefront of your mind because if you didn’t you would be doing your children a grave disservice. Keep reading and talking and being honest with yourself, your children and the world. Your children have a mother that they can truly count on. xo

    • Becky says...

      I’m always curious who the baby will look like! I’m from a very white catholic family. I felt I didnt look like either parent growing up. And my brothers and I dont look a thing alike. I always said we were 5 random people put together. Fast forward I now see I am clearly my father’s child. I love looking at kids and figuring out which parent. Sometimes its immediate and other times it takes a while and then it clicks! I cant believe I didnt see it before! Side note, I dont worry about our future child appearances but it will be fun to see, I worry about personality. Both my husband and I have mothers with strong strong personalities. My m-i-l has strong genes. I’m praying it skips over our child 😆😋

    • MS says...

      Beth, I so appreciated that you brought this up in a kind way as to encourage dialogue and thoughtfulness around a topic that I find most people don’t think twice about (e.g. It’s one of the first things people say to my partner and I – you’d have such beautiful mixed race babies! Etc. Like what? We barely know you!). I agree that many people probably say thing harmlessly. But it makes me SO uncomfortable when people start talking about exotic babies and caramel babies. Just appreciated you writing down how I often feel but have a hard time saying out loud.

    • Beth says...

      I so appreciate all the responses to my comment! That truly was my primary goal: to bring this topic to the surface and encourage dialogue around it. I feel like, as a country, we are in a time of reckoning, and with that comes a lot of, as @hannah said, soul-searching—both individually and collectively. I’ve been doing a lot of it myself, and to be honest, I’ve noticed some things I’m not incredibly proud of (hi, white fragility). I’ve made a shift in the past seven years (my oldest son is 7, so no coincidence there) from being fairly naive about what it means to be a minority in this country to being hyper-aware—at least, as aware as it’s possible for a white woman to be (I realize I’ll never understand the half of it). Mostly, I try to listen, notice, and ask a lot of questions.

      Like many of you said, I personally think it’s so much fun to speculate on what ALL babies will look like, regardless of the parents’ ethnic background. I just wish the speculation around mixed-race babies didn’t feel tinged with a bit of celebrating the “exotic” (@MS I so feel you on that!). I also wonder, when both parents are people of color, do they get those same breathless “Your baby is going to be so beautiful!” comments? Or do we reserve our reverence for when the baby is half white? And if it’s the latter, what’s behind that? I don’t have the answers, just a whole bunch of questions.

      @JN, you asked for my insights on how to talk about this with your sister-in-law and her Iranian husband. (It warms my heart that you are open and curious about this!) I would say start with questions. How do they feel about it? Does it make them uncomfortable when people automatically assume their children will be “gorgeous.” Are they open to having a super-frank and honest dialogue about it? Never too many questions :). My guess is that they know you, love you, and understand that everything you’re saying is out of love.

      The last thing I want to do is make people feel like it’s taboo to talk about race when it comes to mixed-race kids. Please talk about it! Just think about what you’re saying. When people tell me my kids are beautiful, believe me, the mama in me freaking loves it. What mom wouldn’t? But, as @Eunice pointed out, when they say something like “He barely even looks Asian!” about my youngest, I can’t help but wonder why they sound so excited about that. No one says “He looks more Asian!” with the same enthusiasm about my oldest. Why is that?

      P.S. @sherrelle, your comment made me tear up—thank you so much for the kind words.

    • Abesha1 says...

      Mom of mixed kids here… I agree.

    • Char says...

      Thanks for your comment! I saw an Asian-Canadian comedian make a joke about that very thing: She said “People always say my baby will be SOOOOO gorgeous and that half asian babies are the absolute cutest, and I’m like… So I look okay, but with a caucasian filter I would be even better?” Obviously she was going for a laugh and I’m paraphrasing. But it did punch me in the gut to hear that because I’ve definitely made that comment (or something in the neighbourhood) and never thought about it until now. I think its really helpful that you responded this way and remained really open and kind in your follow up comments. Thanks for the reminder that the things we say are not always as benign as we think.

  25. MissEm says...

    With my first, eating in the first trimester was awful – I was so hungry and everything sounded disgusting. I ended up eating protein bars on the couch, trying not to throw up and watching America’s Next Top Model to distract myself (worked, but I apologized to the baby about that seriously classy start to life). After that passed, I just wanted iced tea, which I never drink. With my second, I lived in Montreal and all I wanted to eat was bagels and poutine.

  26. Jill says...

    Only wanted fruit…. literally burst into tears when I went to my close, also pregnant, friend’s house and her sister had made her a huge fruit salad. They were so worried about me and all I could say was “it’s the fruit.” Haha

    I would tell Meghan to do NOTHING after the baby is born except hold the baby and rock her ALL day. It goes by too quickly and I miss all that sooooo much.

    • Claire says...

      I also only craved fruit with both of my pregnancies! The first trimester for both was in winter and I wondered if the craving was actually for vitamins to keep any illness at bay.

  27. Kristin says...

    Just wanted to say thank you for acknowledging infertility/difficulty conceiving at the end of this post. I’ve been trying unsucessfully for six months and I’m getting to the stage where everyone else’s pregnancy (yes, even Megan Markle’s) causes waves of emotion and longing and feeling of what is wrong with me. I actually hadn’t read those linked posts before and they were some of the best writing I’ve read about difficulty conceiving.

    • Ling says...

      *hugs* <3

    • Laura says...

      I feel ya. I’ve been trying for over 3 years and have had over a year of unsuccessful fertility treatments including IVF. I used to love following baby news and I adore the royal family and yet this news today made me cry. Sending you lots of love and wishing you baby dust!! It’s a very difficult emotional process when it doesn’t happen easily for you.

    • Christina Copp says...

      Yesterday was Pregnancy and Infant Loss Day, I was a bit surprised the royal couple announced it yesterday, but perhaps their communications team didn’t realise.
      I just lost my first baby at 22 weeks gestation five weeks ago, so I was happy to see those links as well. I hope you’re healing OK and that your dreams come true some day soon!

  28. Colleen S says...

    I’m not a parent, but I would have to say to not compare yourself to others who have been pregnant. If you don’t lose baby weight as fast as your sister-in-law or friends, don’t beat yourself up. Everyone is different, and don’t let others make you feel bad. And if you don’t feel like wearing those sky high heels to public events, go with something practical but stylish.

  29. Fern says...

    Put a Kindle on your registry because (1) sometimes BBB and they wake up or stop eating every time you turn a page; (2) when it’s 3 am and you need Anne Lamott to tell you it’s going to be tough, but okay, she’s there in 5 seconds; (3) you can read in the dark; (4) you can get library books without leaving the house and no late fees because they are automatically returned; (5) you can read anywhere because they add no bulk or weight to your diaper bag

    • Love this (very practical) suggestion!

    • Carrie says...

      I’m also loving the practicality of this suggestion. I’m not even pregnant but want to go out and buy one right now for the very reasons you’ve suggested.

    • Jamie Killian says...

      I never realized I am not the only one who dials up St. Anne in the middle of the night when I am anxious and exhausted. <3

    • Ana says...

      I love this!! I read so much during pregnancy, maternity ward baby birth inducing and the baby’s first 2 years; the Kindle was my constant companion – besides the baby, of course; and I could read proper “grown-up stuff”, like crime novels and thrillers without fear of scaring the baby – I totally dumped the TV during that time.

  30. Becky says...

    I am 32 weeks with number 1, and it’s been medically normal and a bit miserable at the same time. I am so grateful but I have found it overwhelming, physically uncomfortable (sickness until 20 weeks, back pain), and isolating too. Hormones have a lot to answer for – I feel like my personality as well as my body is being taken over!

    • Chaz says...

      I’m sorry to hear that mama. I had awful back pain throughout my 3rd trimester until my midwives recommended a chiropractor who specialized in prenatal. I had never been to the chiropractor before but it helped me SO MUCH. Highly recommend, hang in there!

    • Laura C. says...

      Go on Becky, you’re almost there, we back you up! You will be an amazing mama! <3

  31. Eve says...

    My advice comes from the wisdom of being a second child. Pretend your first is your second. What I mean is, don’t freak out over everything. We often hear people are much more lax with their second, and honestly, I’m doing that with my first (I only have one), and it’s been really chill and fun.

  32. This news made me unreasonably happy today. Perhaps because I’ve been sucked into the dystopian episode of Shameless that we’re all living in these days?! When I was pregnant with my first, all I wanted was Raisin Bran Crunch. So random, because I’d never cared for that before. With my second, I had such horrible acid reflux that I couldn’t even indulge in anything properly! I can’t wait to find out their baby name!

    • Sasha L says...

      Life DOES feel like an episode of Shameless doesn’t it?

  33. Andrea says...

    I’d say to anyone, WALK AWAY when women start in on their horror stories!!!! Seriously!

    • Vivi says...

      OMG this! Yes

    • Sarah says...

      YES! And the husbands’ stories, too. One husband told me (when I was expecting my first) that his wife was in labor for 3 calendar days. When I asked what specific time frame he was referring to, he said 11pm on Day 1 to 1am on Day 3, so basically one day. I was infuriated at him for trying to make it seem worse than it was TO A PREGNANT WOMAN and made my thoughts clear. He looked all sheepish and said that’s how his wife tells the story and he has to be loyal to her. I hope he got a shred of enlightenment out of our interaction! Those stories bother me so much. It seems like they persist throughout child rearing too. Doesn’t anyone ever talk about how much they enjoy their children or how incredible their epidural or even medication free labor was? More of that, please!

  34. Maureen says...

    Oh god. I can’t escape this news even in my favorite blog. I’m happy for them, but just had my second miscarriage in less than a year. For all the mammas out there with no baby to show for it yet, I feel your pain today and in the days ahead as we are inundated with every minute detail of Megan’s pregnancy.

    • Janice O'Kane says...

      Maureen,
      First, I’m sorry for your struggles. I don’t have children myself, but my best friend had five miscarriages over three years when all of our friends were (seemingly) having happy, joyful pregnancies. It was through her experience that I learned how painful it can be when pregnancy news is everywhere you look. Sending you love and a big virtual {{{hug}}}.

    • Wendy says...

      The same thing happened to me with Will and Kate’s first and it was very hard. Much love to you.

    • Fern says...

      I’m so so sorry, Maureen. Sending you love during this incrediblely difficult and painful time. Xoxo.

    • Lisa says...

      I’m so sorry to hear this. We went through infertility and it broke my heart every time I found out that someone else was pregnant (regardless of how happy I was for them).

      Wishing you lots of strength and peace

    • Sending you lots of love, Maureen! I’m so sorry for your losses.

      Also, if you’re in the video-watching mood I just watched Gabby Bernstein’s Oprah Super Soul Session (you can google that if you’d like, the talk is 19 mins long) where she talks about fertility struggles and I found it quite inspiring. I, personally, do not have children (yet) but I’ve had dear friends go through the pain of miscarriages so want to let you know you are not alone! Xoxo

    • Lacy says...

      Maureen, my heart aches for you. Today is the one year anniversary of my pregnancy loss- the first of what would be three miscarriages in one year. When I saw the news today I felt like I had been kicked in the gut. Today is National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day (and is honored in many other countries outside of the US as well), so the choice to share the news with the world today stung even more My thoughts are with you, and all of us still making it through.

    • Ashlie says...

      I just found out last week that we lost our baby. I would’ve been due at same time as her, which means I’ll have constant reminders of my loss for the rest of the year. I’m sure I’m not alone in this dicotomy of heartache for myself and happiness for her (and all my currently pregnant friends). It’s my first miscarriage and the emotions are too many to count….

    • Jennifer says...

      Yes Maureen. I feel you. I feel like everyone can get pregnant except me….miscarriage, failed IVF, now in the midst of the adoption waiting game. I’m happy for everyone else but it’s always a punch in the face.

    • Laura C. says...

      Maureen, Lacy, Ashlie, Jennifer, please get this big hug for all of you. I’m so sorry for your losses and struggle, please know that I think of you too. Sending big love.

    • Another says...

      Sending you love, Maureen et. all. My first pregnancy just ended last week (missed miscarriage, three weeks of waiting, a night in the ER, and sadness that will probably be with me forever). Right now, anything about pregnancy just makes me feel anxious and devastated. Monday was pregnancy loss awareness day, so while I was surprised at the timing of this post, I was also not surprised–MC is surrounded in so much silence and stigma that even people/blogs who are generally aware about other issues forget about it. Know that you’re not alone.

  35. Being eaten by the fear monster says...

    Would love a post on pregnancy fear and anxiety! I am in the early weeks of ultrasounds and the roller coaster of the wait-and-see unknown (maybe viable, maybe not) (maybe dangerous complication, maybe not) and I just can’t seem to feel any other feeling (joy, excitement, etc.) other than all encompassing fear of something going wrong. I am not crazy, 1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage and the medical advice I’ve been given is unequivocally concerning. Yet, it feels like everyone around me (husband, family, friends) seem to all say the same thing; I’m being negative, I need to relax etc. I wish I could but I simply can’t, I can’t just believe everything will be fine, because it may not be. I’m breathing, doing yoga blah blah waiting it out, but tell me, anyone else feel this fear out there? If so, what did you do while you were waiting for news or waiting in general? Already know and am practicing no internet browsing (other than COJ of course)!

    • Leah says...

      You took the words right out of my mouth! I had a miscarriage earlier this year and am now 16+ weeks pregnant and I still can’t shake the overwhelming fear and anxiety of losing another one. I count down the days (hours, minutes) between ultrasound appointments and the happiness of sharing the news with friends/family was overshadowed by fear. This might sound crazy but throughout the first 12 weeks or so I carried around a moonstone with me everywhere I went. Moonstones are supposed to support fertility and pregnancy. Every time I felt an anxious thought I would hold it in my hand and chant this mantra: “in this moment, I am fertile” and this really helped me. I think I realized my greatest fear isn’t losing a single pregnancy but finding out that I am infertile and will never be able to have children. Also, Netflix binges. I’ve watched just about every foreign crime drama they have! I highly recommend Broadchurch and The Fall; and The Staircase if you like crime documentaries. Nothing makes me forget about my own problems like trying to track down a cold blooded killer.

    • Michelle says...

      Oh boy, do I identify with this. I had an easy, healthy pregnancy but my daughter was born with many unforeseen complications. Getting pregnant the second time was so scary. It sounds pessimistic, but I reminded myself that while I carried the baby, she was loved and safe. And even if catastrophe struck, that’s all she’d ever known.
      Pregnancy is just building up that muscle of love-without-control. The rest of our lives, we ache to fix problems that are out of our reach. All we can do is love.

    • Erin says...

      Oh gosh I know this feeling too well, and am so sorry you do too. What worked for me was repeating a simple phrase whenever I would start an anxiety spiral. Like, “most babies are born,” or “most babies are healthy and alive.” My first daughter didn’t fall into the category of most, which I know contributed to more anxiety during subsequent pregnancies, but it was helpful for me to remember that while the 1 in 4 odds can be scary, they are still in favor of healthy babies being born.

    • Abesha1 says...

      Maybe don’t do so many tests if they’re not medically necessary…? My feeling is, there’s not much you can do about anything that might or might not be happening in there, so general checkups for heart rate and BP, etc are usually enough.
      And for the record, I’ve had 2 miscarriages and 2 live births.

    • Lucia says...

      Hang in there! I went through the same – it took me forever to get pregnant – had 2 miscarriages and finally got pregnant via IVF and could not believe until the very end it was happening and I was having a baby! What helped me was that I tried to focus on my pregnancy day by day and every morning celebrating that it was another day of me continuing to be pregnant. And meditating every night.
      Fingers crossed that everything goes well! Also, do not hesitate to seek help if the negative emotions overwhelm you. I developed a severe anxiety after giving birth – even then I still could not believe that I had a beautiful healthy baby (and that I deserved all that happiness) became extremely attached and monitored him constantly – literally watched him breathe all the time. It almost ruined my relationship.

  36. Kara McElroy says...

    Gah I’m obsessed with them! This baby news totally made my week!

  37. Rachel says...

    Three weeks post-partum here. Along with bringing home a beautiful baby boy, I acquired some extremely angry hemorrhoids during my pregnancy and delivery. I’ve been shocked at the lead role they’ve played during my recovery, in terms of pain and constipation (and, as my OB said, “the first bowel movement after delivery can be difficult and…memorable”). Despite using all of the over the counter stool softeners/laxatives, the most helpful treatment for me has been a daily bowl of oatmeal and prunes. They DO get better!

    • Em says...

      Rachel, so with you. WHY doesn’t anyone warn you about those?!?!? I’m 11 months PP and finally don’t notice them every moment, every day. Hot baths and riding around in someone’s car who has heated seats help a lot!

    • Julie says...

      pain worse than labor!!! in tears and even went to the doc as an “emergency” b/c i thought i tore something. she was like, no, it’s hemorrhoids. more tears!!

    • Laura says...

      They do get better, however… not to be the bearer of bad news, but they may not go away completely if you’re lucky like me. I have a 2.5 year old and my rhoids have proved they are determined to stick around long after my pregnancy. I spoke to my OB about them and she said that if you plan to have another child(ren), then there isn’t really any point in going the surgical route to remove them yet. So, I continue to get plenty of fiber, drink lots of water, and make sure I always have flushable wipes (and yes, I know that they aren’t great for plumbing – I’ll take that risk in an effort to have a clean bum).

    • J says...

      Ohhhh nooooo…..I’ve never been pregnant (yet) but have had those horribly bad recently (sorry if that’s TMI)…..and while I was googling around I kept seeing the treatments being linked with pregnancy and was like “huh?” Now everything has finally clicked. Yiiikes. Thanks for the warning, ladies. Heated seats is a priority in my next car which will hopefully come pre-baby :)

    • Tori says...

      Laura – just because they say they’re flushable doesn’t mean you HAVE to flush them. Just throw them away instead.

    • Hilde says...

      I would recommend medical gloves + baby oil + not being scared of giving yourself a helping hand :)

      I thought I’d never get back to normal and dreaded every trip to the loo. But oiling it up made wonders, really.

  38. Anonymous says...

    JUST got my positive pregnancy test after a year of trying so this post really made me happy. (Well, happIER.) This morning went from me miserably saying to my husband “EVERYONE IN THE WORLD IS PREGNANT EXCEPT FOR ME” to now feeling like it must be kismet that their announcement is the same day as my happy news. Meghan and I have soooo much in common ;-)

    • Anne says...

      Congratulations!!! What a happy day for you!!

    • Ahhhh! Huge congratulations to you!!

    • Mallory says...

      Such joy! Thank you for sharing happy news!!

    • Lauren says...

      Congrats!!

  39. Carly says...

    My advice would be complementary to Joanna’s: Trust your body and have confidence in its ability to do truly amazing things! So many times I was pregnant, I felt as though I was getting the message that pregnancy was along the lines of a “disease”. Both my OB/GYN and doula were so calm, peaceful and positive in their messages to me, really helping me to build that trust within both my body and my own mind. I feel lucky that I found the right people to have in my corner. They helped transform me from someone who was terrified to give birth to someone whose most powerful and transformative days were the days I gave birth to my daughters!

    • Love this! As a doula, it’s the message I try to send my clients as well. ❤️❤️❤️

  40. Karla says...

    Everything you worry about during pregnancy (am I eating the right things? did I gain too much weight? will my baby be okay?), during infancy (when will I sleep again? is this normal?), during toddler years (why is my kid hitting? is this preschool the right one?), and so on, will shift and change to new worries. Don’t well too much on anything, as hard as it may be. That worry of yours will likely be different tomorrow, or next week, or next month. You and your kid will be just fine!

  41. Lisa says...

    I’m 14 weeks with my first (due in April). It’s so exciting! Knowing that Megan is past 12 weeks and will have her baby in the spring, it’s obvious that we have the same due date. ;)

    • Katie says...

      Same here: 14.5 weeks! And I thought, hmmm, wonder if they were share a birthday . . . .

    • Inge says...

      14 weeks pregnant too, I thought the same!

  42. Julie says...

    This is going to sound obnoxious, Jo, but those are TWO OF MY TOP MOTHERHOOD MANTRAS, AS WELL! Always trust your gut through pregnancy, labor and motherhood. I believe all mothers inherently and instinctually know what to do — but you need to trust it (and quiet the noise), which in turn requires you to be your best, confident self. This is good for mama and good for baby! One of my best friends told me about “babies being babies” early on when I decided my newborn was colicky (she was not). Sometimes (often)…especially early on, that’s the answer. And speaking of BBB, although I have no full-proof remedy to soothe a crying newborn, my best advice is don’t try to rush it. Just cuddle, sing, be calm and let them work it out. (And you generally have to do it standing up.)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “BBB” = haha love it!

  43. Dee says...

    My friend ignored advice and ate steak tartare while pregnant, and she caught toxoplasmosis, and the baby was born blind. So I’d say yes, trust your instinct, but also, do pay attention nevertheless to serious issues, it’s only nine months, play it safe! Also I’d say take a million videos because you never get those early baby moments back!

    • Olivia says...

      Really glad you said this, because I feel it’s almost trendy to “know your body.” Yes, of course, absolutely – but there are recommendations for a reason. No one wants bad things to befall her child, but just being its mother will not protect them from the things we know with certainty to avoid and why.

    • Emily says...

      Second this. Trust your gut only goes so far. It’s a nice sentiment but for things like breastfeeding – knowledgeable help can make a difference! And knowing it’s okay that you have no idea in your gut what you’re doing.

    • Yep. I got parvo during pregnancy (also called Fifths Disease or Slapped Cheek, which is very common in young children). I didn’t have any symptoms but was around kids in the family who had it. Basically it makes the fetus extremely sick, and when it’s bad, it usually kills the fetus, but if the baby survives, he/she can be born normal. Mine was. After a traumatizing pregnancy of procedures and bad news, I’d say trust your gut but pay attention to those lists of things to be aware/careful of. They’re there for a reason!

  44. JB says...

    My husband and I, after both going into marriage very unsure on the whole kids thing, have decided to try in the spring. I don’t want to tell ANYONE though! Not because I’m not excited but because there’s already SO MUCH PRESSURE on couples to conceive, that I don’t want anyone else involved. I wish that I could tell people and the reaction be “That’s nice!” or “Good luck and good for you!” but instead it turns into endless discussions of logistics and expectations (particularly from extended family). I joke to my husband that we will tell his family we’re expecting on the way to the delivery room!

    • Carrie says...

      I bet it feels good to share this with CoJ! :)

      Can I ask, how did you two come upon the decision to start trying? My husband and I are sort of in the same boat, so I’m always very curious about other couples making this leap!

    • JB says...

      CoJ is the perfect outlet!

      Honestly, we didn’t know any kids! Then our best friends had an extremely difficult pregnancy resulting in two healthy, beautiful twin girls and it was … heart explosion. Also, we bought a house and realized we have nothing to fill it with (that sounds like a terrible reason but after going from 1 bed to a house, we were like why did we do this again? We need some life in here!) After that, we started to think about the possibilities. We have all the regular fears: we love sleep and free time, I’m the highest earner so potentially bigger financial implications, and other than the twins, we still find other people’s kids…overwhelming, but now it feels more like the right decision than the wrong decision! I feel very fortunate to have been able to go into marriage not having a straightforward answer and to come to a decision very naturally together. I don’t think it’s that way for everyone!

    • Nicola says...

      Ok this is fascinating because I feel the same. I somewhat feel that I’m facing a fork in the road between career and family… we know we want to go down the family road at some point, but at what time?

      So far I just ask every woman I know when they had theirs, and it is just SO VARIED. Which leaves me much more confused than certain! Is there a right time? Or do you just go for it and see what happens???

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you for these comments, and for sharing your thoughts and stories. JB, i’m so glad you told us :)

      carrie, here are a few posts about deciding whether or not to have kids, and i thought i’d share in case they’re helpful in any way!
      https://cupofjo.com/2012/03/motherhood-mondays-one-woman-asks-im-not-sure-if-i-want-kids-or-not-how-do-you-decide/
      https://cupofjo.com/2012/11/motherhood-mondays-would-you-ever-decide-to-not-have-kids/
      https://cupofjo.com/2015/05/how-did-you-know-you-were-ready-to-have-a-baby/

    • Karla says...

      Joanna — After reading that first link, I’m curious to know if your friend Corrie ever decided to have a baby? If so, how does she feel about it today?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes, she did! she is really happy. but i think it’s all such a personal decision. xo

    • Mariana says...

      For me it was like skydiving: I just needed the courage to take the leap. If you know that you want kids, there isn’t an ideal time to have them! Life always gets in the way if you let it. So my questions were: “why not now?”; “Will it be diferent/will I be more ready in 3 or 5 years?”. And the answer was, probably not…so I just had to take a leap of faith. And after you have kids you always think you could have done it sooner :) And you never regret having them, for sure! I also didn’t tell anyone we were trying (both times), I didn’t need the pressure: I only told everyone when I was 3 months pregnant.

    • JB – congrats on your decision!

      Carrie and Nicola – I wanted to share how I decided to have kids with you in case it’s helpful :)

      I was never definitively in the “I want kids” camp. Even after marriage, I was like, kids? Maaaybe.

      So, I ended up doing a meditation retreat, for myself, in May. (Kids weren’t even on my mind going into it.) And, during that retreat, I did a *lot* of healing work for my childhood. Now, I think sometimes people do “inner child” work, and all they do is blame. “I’m screwed up because of my dad!” etc. That’s not healing. Blaming isn’t healing. Anyway, this deep exploration of my childhood, and acceptance/forgiveness of some of the events there, it turns out, was EXACTLY what I needed for many reasons. And, at the end of the retreat, it just hit me seemingly out of nowhere: I’m ready for children now.

      I suppose I would recommend this for anyone: making childhood healing a priority. You don’t need to have had something terribly traumatic happen to you as a kid to still experience massive benefits from acknowledging your inner child, forgiving things that happened (specifically: forgiving parents), and letting go of things you (maybe subconsciously) are still carrying from way back then.

      And for me, I gained a lot more clarity too!! <3

    • JB, my husband and I didn’t tell ANYONE once we started trying! My sister had just had a baby after several years of struggling with infertility, so I knew the roller coaster it could end up being. I thought for the first few months at least (while I was assuming I did not have fertility issues) that it would be our little secret. It was so fun! No one suspected a thing. And then I didn’t have to have my sisters calling me every month saying, “Well?!” haha. It only took us about 5 months to get pregnant, and then I kept it a secret till 11 weeks because we had a trip home planned, so I could tell everyone in person. The shock on their faces was priceless! ;) Now I just wish I wouldn’t have told anyone our ideas for names until she was born, haha.

  45. Lola says...

    I hated how open for comment my body became during and after pregnancy. Somehow having a baby allows perfect strangers, men and women, to comment on the way you look. I wish I had been braver to shut those people down.

    And totally agree with all the no expectations comments. My delivery, three months ago, was so hard and I’m glad I had no plan as I would have been utterly disappointed. I now find myself disappointed in different things – how my body isn’t bouncing back so quickly, how I feel neglected by friends – and wish so much I didn’t have expectations for any of it. Of course, easier said than done!

    • Ali says...

      Lola- I hope you come back and read this- but I felt all of the things you felt. I HATED how public pregnancy made me feel. I hope you start getting the support you need from your friends and that you allow yourself some grace around your body. Tell your friends how you feel, they may think you want space and time alone with your baby. Try inviting them over, even last minute, if you’re up for it. Sounds silly but starting to follow Body Positive accounts on instagram has been so helpful to me in learning to be more confortable with myself. Most of my friends are in great shape and I was following too many accounts that made me feel like garbage. Anyway, congratulations on your new addition and sending you lots of love and understanding.

  46. Molly says...

    I’d tell her to feed her baby in the way that works best for her and helps them to enjoy one another the most. I knocked myself out to try to make breastfeeding work – pumped and saw countless lactation nurses for 8 months trying to make my first and third child nurse successfully. Never did. Only gained weight with bottles. But they were all bottles of breast milk! My middle got a little breast milk in the first week, but other than that was all formula (my production never kicked in due to a nicu stint for her). She is fat and away my easiest, healthiest, most athletic kid. That girl could eat her breakfast off the floor of the subway station every morning and not get sick. It’s 2018 – formula is A+. If nursing isn’t enjoyable – forget it! Now if only I could heed my own advice 🙄

  47. Katharina says...

    I would give the advice to bring wet wipes to the hospital to clean yourself everytime you had to use the bathroom after you gave birth and (probably) hurt your lady parts. I‘m from Germany and nobody tells you that they only have normal toilet paper in the hospital which you may find uncomfortable! (Sorry, I know my English is poor…)

    • Dee says...

      Unless she has people that do this for her hehe. The royal butt wiper.

    • Lisa says...

      Adding wet wipes to my birth bag checklist right now. Thank you! (And your English is perfect.) :)

  48. Natalie says...

    Don’t ask a woman if she’s expecting unless you know for sure. One woman asked me a few weeks ago after eyeing me up and down (spoiler alert-I’m not) . I wanted to cry because I have been working out so hard to get in shape.
    Unless the person is pushing out the baby – just don’t

    • Sarah says...

      Oh my god. A male colleague did this to me two weeks ago. He was just trying to be nice, and is a total doofus, but oh.my.god. I just wanted to punch him whilst crying, and then to hug him because he was *SO* embarrassed and went bright red. I’m so sorry this happened to you, and well done for working so hard to get in shape. You’re doing a really hard thing – *air punch*

  49. Katie H. says...

    I second your advice! And the person who said leave your dignity at the delivery room door… Strangely, I craved crisp, cold apples all throughout my pregnancy. I rarely eat them otherwise.

    • Louisa says...

      Me too! I ate 2-3 apples every day, and I rarely eat them otherwise. I haven’t heard anyone else with such a craving.
      I also craved scrambled eggs.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, i want a cold, crisp apple right now. that sounds so good!

    • Jenny says...

      I also craved apples (HAD to be cold and crisp) throughout both of my pregnancies! And donuts, but at least one of them was healthy.

    • Lisa says...

      Same! I craved apples constantly when I was pregnant with my first, whereas normally I don’t have any particularly strong feelings about them. Apples and sparkling mineral water

    • Emily says...

      Lisa, my ONLY craving during my pregnancy was sparkling mineral water too! Particularly Topo Chico – I drank it by the case!

  50. My husband and I got married on May 19th of 2017 and had a baby in March of 2018. We are clearly such trend setters as Meghan and Harry got married on May 19th 2018 and will have a spring baby. ;)

    I oddly did not have any cravings during pregnancy and not many aversions either. The only aversion I had was to sweets during the first trimester. Just the thought of ice cream was a total turnoff. I wish that had stuck around! The advice I’d give Meghan is to listen to her gut. If something feels off, call or go see your doctor. I had terrible pain in my groin area when I was about 7.5 months pregnant. I asked my other girlfriends about it and they all said it was probably round ligament pain. Luckily I had an appointment that week and the NP I saw decided to order an ultrasound to rule out a blood clot – which showed that I had a massive blood clot! I had to be hospitalized for a couple of days and then I was on blood thinner injections for 6 months. I think as women we often feel like we are going to sound like the crazy pregnant lady if we voice concerns. I think it’s better to listen to your gut and call/see your doctor if something seems off v not saying something for fear of looking like an overly concerned mom-to-be.

  51. So much yes to this advice. I’d add on to it: continue this you-do-you attitude past pregnancy and through parenting. Co-sleeping vs. crib sleeping? You do you. Breastfeeding vs. bottle feeding? You do you. Carrying vs. using a stroller? You do you.

    Also adding: find your people. Because with them, there won’t be any judgement. And also you’ll need people to text with at three in the morning.

    I feel so strongly about this that I started Classes At, where new parents can learn, connect, and practice trusting their parenting instincts. If you’re a new parent in Brooklyn, click on my name to find us :)

    xoxo

  52. Laura C. says...

    I’m happy for them too! Actually I happened not to like her when I knew they were dating, but now I think she’s nice and they are a cute couple. Advice: just whst Jo said. Oh and during my second pregnancy I ate a ton of chocolate.

  53. Moira says...

    This is very timely for me as well…I’m due with my first in late Jan/early Feb, and as I’ve always been very prone to anxiety, I’ve been taking proactive steps to make this pregnancy as calm as possible (and so far, it has been!). I’ve been doing prenatal yoga weekly which I joke is a combination of therapy and yoga–it’s amazing being on the pregnancy journey with other women and checking in each week with each other and our bodies. My husband and I are working with a doula who has monthly prenatal meetings and will attend our birth…she is an absolute dream and makes us feel so much more empowered and connected with each other throughout this whole process. The other thing we’re trying is a program called Hypnobabies (www.hypnobabies.com) which is basically training your mind and body for deep hypnosis during labor. We’ve only been to one class so far, but I’ve already experienced the power of the mind/body connection in ways I haven’t before. Sure, no one can control the birthing process, but surrounding myself with supportive people and tools is helping my mindset and anxiety so much already. I can’t wait to be a mama :)

    • Elle says...

      Moira, you’re amazing and you’re doing amazing things to prep yourself for this! I didn’t formally go through hypnobirthing, but yoga-style breathing into the pain and my mom’s mantra of “don’t fight it, go with it” got me through twice and out on the other end going “it wasn’t actually that bad!” And you’re going to feel like a total bad a$$ no matter what happens because you just grew a human! I’m pregnant with number three now and because of the tools you’re employing now, labor and delivery is actually the part of my pregnancy I’m looking forward to most. WHAT?! Congratulations and I wish you all the best!

  54. Chaz says...

    I normally could care less about celebrities but following Kate and Meghan is totally a guilty pleasure :) SO EXCITING!!!

    I second the idea of a post about what not to say to a pregnant woman. I’m 4 months postpartum and I had so much anxiety from hearing crazy birth stories. WHY would you share those?! I am so grateful to this one random woman at a plant nursery. I was standing in line with a wagon full of plants, 4 days overdue, in 100 degree heat. (Why plants were so important at the time beats me!) She came over and told me to sit down in a nearby chair while she rung me up, and a coworker of hers came over and asked if she’d told me the story about “that other pregnant woman who was here a few months ago”. The first woman stopped her immediately and said, kindly but firmly, “Nope, she does not need to hear that story and we are not telling it to her”. I was so, so appreciative because at the time the concept of birth felt like this huge, scary mountain I had to climb and for some reason everyone wants to tell you the worst birth stories!

  55. C says...

    I was so excited when I heard their news this morning! I also want to give a shout out (or a virtual hug) to all the women struggling with infertility who had to read about another lucky lady getting to have a baby. It does not and should not diminish the joy we feel for others when they are blessed with a little one, but it still stings a bit to hear about. So, to all my infertility warriors: you got this. Have some more chocolate (if only to mask the taste of Clomid) and know that you’re not alone!

    • Rachel Grandi says...

      This is exactly what I was feeling too. It sometimes stings extra hard when someone is able to get pregnant so quickly after starting to “try.” A toast of dark chocolate to all those who felt a little gut punch with the celebration.

    • Elizabeth says...

      thanks. I’ve been struggling to get pregnant for over a year and shouted $%(*$()*$&# when I heard this on NPR this morning. Now I can’t even indulge in gossip sites because that’s going to be another place where I’m reminded of this.

      crossing my fingers for you, C!

    • Lauren says...

      Same here! I’ve been so anxious today and just connected the dots as to why. It’s such sweet news, but also definitely stings a bit. Sending love and strength to all those who are on a longer/rockier journey to parenthood; we’ll get there too, one way or another! In the meantime, it helps to know there are others who can relate to the bittersweet feelings. <3

    • Julie says...

      It’s always a bit of a sting (TTC for over 2 years now, I’m a year older than Meghan), but I’m also super happy for them and can’t wait to see her maternity style and then pictures of that little boodle.

    • Dawn says...

      Thank you for saying this. *Hugs*

  56. Olivia says...

    I love your advice, Jo! Thank you. I’m six weeks along with our first and generally don’t rock the boat when it comes to other people. Now – I just say what’s right. “No, it’s fine if I color my hair, it doesn’t touch my scalp and my doctor says it’s fine.” I don’t care if you didn’t color your hair for nine months! That’s all :)

  57. Louisa says...

    I’m the kind of personality who likes big challenges and doing hard things well, so I thought I would just Type-A myself through that first year with baby. Nope. Babies are hard the way that middle school is hard. There is no right way to do this, and really no way to do it well.

    I would also want all first time moms to know that perinatal depression is real. My fantastic midwife quickly identified my depression at our first appointment and would not let me leave the office until I had scheduled an appointment with a perinatal therapist, who I saw throughout my pregnancy. A life saver.

    • Hanna says...

      “Babies are hard the way middle school is hard.”

      I love this!! It’s so true. And somehow it makes me feel better about the three years I didn’t sleep after my twins were born *and* the three years of social ostracism between ages 11 and 13, at the same time!

    • Chelsey says...

      I think this so witty and bang on! “babies are hard the way middle school is hard”. I will be using his line from now on! xx

  58. Sarah says...

    I don’t have kids yet but my husband and I are planning to start TTC next year, so I’ll be reading for tips! My friend just had her second baby and was in much better physical shape than before her first, and watching how quickly she’s recovered from the second birth has inspired me to tone up as much as I can before getting pregnant.

    There are a couple typos in the list of who’s in line for the throne, by the way – “Price” Charles and William.

  59. Liz says...

    My advice, one month postpartum with my first, is to know you aren’t in control and try not to have too many expectations for labor and post partum. I ended up wth a cssction after 24 hours of labor and then developed preeclampsia after delivery. I spent 11 days in the hospital. It was so hard to change my mental image of what labor and delivery and my baby’s first weeks of life would look like. Happy healthy mom and baby are not nothing, that’s expectation enough! Releasing control was my first motherhood lesson.

    • Natalie says...

      Yes! Such good advice and glad to hear you got through a difficult labour!

    • I could not agree with this more. As a mom whose youngest child is about to turn 14, I can attest that all your plans and expectations for pregnancy, labor and delivery, and even motherhood are based on other people’s experiences and advice—and ultimately your reality and your experiences and your own intuition and gut feelings will enter the picture, possibly changing everything. Looking back, I chuckle when I think of how much I fretted over things like having to have a c-section and whether or not to give my crying baby a pacifier (oh yes I did, I think on day three). There will always be something to fret over; for us now it’s the GPA and applying to college!

  60. Amy says...

    This is so timely, as I just found out I’m pregnant, too! My first was due around the same time as Beyonce’s twins and I joked they would all be great little baby friends. Now I get to expect with Meghan; so cool.

    My advice, and I know it’s hard, is to meditate on having ZERO expectations for pregnancy, birth, and motherhood. I am naturally an incredibly anxious person, however it seems I was blessed with some super relaxed hormones during my first pregnancy that helped me realized that you can’t plan a baby. You can’t plan the growing of your baby, the birth of your baby, or the raising of your baby. I think this also helped me to trust my inner voice/gut feeling. While I’m still anxious, the meditating on “no expectations” has really helped me in raising my daughter. I actually surprise myself a lot of times when I realize how laid back I am now!

  61. Oh my gosh I craved Cheerios too! I would eat huge bowls with ICE cold whole milk.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      what is it about cheerios??? i couldn’t get enough, and i don’t even like them normally :)

    • Julia says...

      I ate a ton of cereal in general and I think it’s all the extra vitamins they fortify it with…plus it’s nice and bland as opposed to like, a salad which of course also has the nutrients but hello, heartburn.

    • Natalie says...

      Me three! The blandness maybe?

    • Kat says...

      Me too, my husband affectionately called me the cereal killer. I lived only on cheerios for nearly 6 months (out of only 8, she was early!). And now, I’m lactose intolerant…..pregnancy changes you in so many ways!

    • Maryann says...

      I think you are spot-on with the blandness. I used to eat cheerios in bed and wake up with them stuck to my cheeks. It was a sexy look for those sexy first trimester times.

    • same here! with both of my pregnancies i could barely keep anything down – up until the day i gave birth. cheerios were the only food that didn’t come back up, especially with my second. i was partial to the Stop and Shop organic brand honey nut oats.

    • Janna says...

      Cheerios, Lucky Charms (first trimester only, now they sound awful)–now in the second/almost third trimester, plain Chex, sometimes mixed with Cinnamon Chex. Before pregnancy I NEVER ate cereal.

  62. Rachel says...

    Love this. People will talk even more about what she’s doing on their trip to Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, and Tonga. If she wants to climb the Sydney Harbor Bridge, go for it! If they want to go to Fiji, where there is an extremely low Zika risk, go for it!

    I just had my first baby and she’s beautiful and healthy. I ate (really good, not-from-Duane-Reade) sushi once a week after discussing with my doctor and researching the reality of why “no sushi” came to be. I had a glass of wine once a week during the third trimester (and occasionally during the second). I took spin classes up until the very end. Do what works for you.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      congratulations on your sweet baby, rachel!

    • Courtney says...

      Rachel-you are my pregnancy hero.

    • Lisa says...

      Yes to all of this! Thank you for being a voice of reason. I’m pregnant now and also eat sushi and enjoy an occasional glass of wine and work out regularly (and safely), and I find it infuriating that pregnant women are often treated as vessels without autonomy and value on their own, not given enough information to make informed choices, or stigmatized/harassed for any actions that deviate from the norm.

    • Amen, Rachel! Love (and appreciate) your honesty so much :-)

  63. Camille says...

    My advice: DO NOT Google anything!! It will drive you nuts. I had ZERO symptoms and all the forums scared me so much throughout my first trimester. Looking back, I realize how very lucky I was. My pregnancy was an absolute dream from beginning to end and I wish I hadn’t worried so much.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes so true!!!!!!!!!

    • Robin says...

      YES. My (real life) doctor says to avoid “Dr. Google” as much as possible! There is so much paranoia and ignorance out there. Great example: my three-month-old son enjoys having “conversations” with people. (It’s super cute… He coos and smiles, taking turns to let you talk back to him!) I Googled something about signs your child might speak early and stumbled upon a forum where women were talking about how that’s probably a sign of a brain disorder! (!!!) I laughed, logged off, and moved on with my life! EVERYTHING is an “early symptom” of something terrible, according to Google! Ask a doctor with a pulse if something worries you.

    • Lindsey says...

      Same with nursing! I would Google constantly at 3 am and was certain I had an overactive letdown, didn’t make enough, and an oversupply all at the same time. Now I tell my mom friends to text me at 3 am if they need to—just don’t Google it!

    • Maureen says...

      I’m 27 weeks and while I avoid the forums at all costs, I have actually been really happy to use Google (reliable sources, of course!) and feel comforted. Oh, the achy feeling in my lower right belly? It’s probably round ligament pain and is really common! I can confirm with my doc at my next appt but in the meantime it makes me feel way less alone to see that some of the symptoms I’m experiencing are just normal parts of pregnancy for many, many people. Thanks, Google!

  64. Sonja says...

    I somehow love them too! So strange. But Kate and Meghan have captured the part of my heart where fairytales reside.

    • Carrie says...

      Same! It’s delightful! I follow an Instagram account that posts photos of them and I feel 100% okay about being their fangirl

  65. Cara says...

    (It looks like there’s a typo with what should be “Prince”! It’s currently “Price.”)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      good call, thank you!!

  66. Marci says...

    Fun news! I think another useful post would be: Things You Can (And Shouldn’t) Talk About with a Pregnant Person. No horrifying birth stories. No comments on belly size or # of babies in there. (Did not need to hear that I must be carrying triplets, OK?) No laying of hands on belly without permission. Unless asked, don’t offer opinions – on birth plan, child care, work choices, etc.

    Do offer sincere compliments and congratulations. Do be supportive of parental decisions.

    • Sara says...

      DO NOT TALK ABOUT COCKTAILS! :)

    • Laura says...

      AMEN!!!!!!!! Also: No telling the pregnant person how she must be feeling…. and no giving your opinions about the baby-to-be’s name! Also: No treating the pregnant person like an incubator. She is still first and foremost a person in her own right.

    • Julia says...

      Yes seriously! The words “my body was never the same again after pregnancy” are just so uncool to say to a pregnant woman. I’m 7 months postpartum with my first and I worried about it way too much. I had ONE friend tell me my jeans would fit at 6 months and I’d be basically back to normal by like 8-9 months and so far she’s right. Love her!

    • Emily says...

      Yes! Would love a post like this. So many people need this advice.

    • M says...

      Yes!!!

    • That’s so funny, I’ve had a post like this drafted for months! I recently gave birth to my second child and you’d think having done it once before I would be used to all the opinions but alas I was just as annoyed as I was the first time lol

  67. Emma says...

    This doesn’t matter at all, I realize, but I think George, Charlotte and Louis are entitled to the Prince/Princess prefix in your list as well. :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      will add now! xoxo

  68. colleen says...

    That was fast! I’d share that ovulation strips helped me (tracking fertility and basal temperature? nobody’s got time for that) but she doesn’t need my advice, having gotten pregnant within 2 months of the wedding.

    • Carrie says...

      They were married 5 months ago, May 19th

    • Sara says...

      Yes, they were married 5 months ago but the Palace stated that she is 12 weeks pregnant. So they did get pregnant within 2 months. Shockingly fast!!

    • sam says...

      I think the assumption here is that she is far enough along in the pregnancy to have it announced publically, and is probably several weeks/months along, therefore would have conceived less than 5 months ago.

    • Carrie says...

      I guess that makes sense! Never was quick with female-math

  69. Nicola says...

    My ante-natal class leader who was a very experienced midwife said to me just before I had my first baby “leave your dignity at the entrance to the hospital and collect it at the exit on your way out!” So true!

  70. Jeri says...

    Oh man so many things I’d tell myself:

    Don’t worry too much about reading up on the pregnancy. Between your body and your (in my case) doctor, they’ve got that part covered. Spend the time reading about how to raise a baby! It’s when you get home with a newborn that it’s like… “now what?”

    Also, everything is a phase!

    And Baby is not going to *not* get into university because of a missed nap or late walking so no need to stress.

    • Lucy says...

      This!!! My obstetrician said to me st one point “a side effect of pregnancy is parenthood, which lasts forever.” I wish I knew more about what to expect with my baby, and now I feel like I’m playing catch up. I read so many pregnancy and labour books – what a waste of time.
      I also wish I had done more research and preparation for breastfeeding, which was hell for six weeks.

  71. Carrie says...

    What a fun post, will have to bookmark as I am hoping in the next couple years to try for my first baby :)

    And YAY! I saw this news first thing this morning and I am so excited for them….can we all just agree this is going to be one seriously lovely baby?

  72. Kayla says...

    My advice would be, It’s ok if you don’t love every moment. Pregnancy, new motherhood, postpartum and parenthood can be difficult and wonderful all at the same time. It’s ok to struggle and it’s ok if you can’t wait for a certain difficult phase to be over. It does go by so fast but you don’t have to enjoy every moment like so many people will tell you.

    • Marissa says...

      ^Great advice- I second this. Wish I had read something similar before having children to avoid a lot of the pressure and guilt that come with expectations.

    • Laura says...

      Agreed!! Hope you say that to every pregnant person you know!!

    • Mel says...

      Kayla—just a note to say how much I appreciated reading your comment. It’s been a few of those weeks when the struggle is real. Thanks for the reminder xo

  73. Beth says...

    This gives me baby fever !

  74. Dana says...

    Once the baby is here: “it’s so hard to be little.” When my son is having a meltdown, when I find myself starting to feel exasperated, I scoop him up and say “Oh it’s so hard to be little.” Because it is. He isn’t manipulating me, he isn’t being bad, it’s just really hard to be little. It reframes my thinking and keeps me calm to be empathetic to the swirl of changes happening in his tiny body.

    • Courtney says...

      That is what we do! Except my husband and I always say, “It’s hard being a baby.” I love yours though at it transfers past being a baby.

    • Rachel says...

      Amazing advice I am remembering.

    • Alex says...

      I second this! I don’t have children, but I share this viewpoint and over the years it’s helped me be a more patient and sympathetic nurseryschool teacher, babysitter, and aunt. It also helps stem annoyance when I’m on a plane, in a restaurant, or some other public place where a small child is having a meltdown!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i love love love this. thank you, dana.

    • Caitlin Rodriguez says...

      I still use this with my teenagers. “It’s hard to be 16!” “It’s hard to be 14!” It helps all of us.

    • my husband always says this to the kids. in our family it’s
      “it’s so hard to be a baby” and then “it’s so hard to be a kid.”

    • Laura says...

      Yes. When I had my first I would remind myself that this little person has only been in the world for 2 or 20 or 100 days, etc. I’ve been here hundreds of thousands of days and I’m still struggling! It must be so hard when everything is brand new (light! noises! other people!) and you’ve got so few resources (language, a fully-developed brain, etc.) to help you get through it. It made me feel more empathetic towards this mewling, screaming, wakeful creature seemingly dictating my days.

  75. cgw says...

    I knew it! I had wondered why she wasn’t wearing something more fitted at Princess Eugenie’s wedding like every other person, and to boot, she kept her “coat” on the whole time… not that she’s actually showing, but still it seemed odd to me. Congrats to the happy parents.

    • Danielle says...

      I will day about the coat- the Chapel is freeeeeeeezing most of the time. It was so windy that day and the weather was all over the place/pretty chilly. Every time I attend a service st the Chapel (I work there) I have to wear my coat!!

  76. Ann says...

    When I was pregnant, I ate pretty normally and didn’t really have any pronounced aversions or cravings. However, I was pregnant during the winter and found myself drawn even more than usual to warm and carby comfort foods (mac and cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.). I tried to just let myself enjoy those foods without guilt, and I always advise pregnant friends to do the same. Especially during the first few months, it seems like many women may lack the energy to exercise and also find themselves craving “unhealthy” foods that are high in carbs and/or starch. It’s not doing yourself any favors to feel guilty about what you’re eating (or not eating). Eat what appeals to you, exercise when you can, and don’t worry too much about it. There are plenty of mom guilt opportunities ahead!

    • L says...

      Omg this is me right now! I’m 8 weeks along and craving all the carbs, have no energy to exercise and feeling so guilty about it! Thank you for these kind words!

  77. Ruth says...

    So exciting, as I’m expecting my second child this spring too! And I have been craving all things sweet (which isn’t really that much of a departure from my normal food cravings…but now it’s things like lots of sour gummies, cake, etc.).

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      congratulations, ruth! hope you’re feeling well :)

  78. Loren says...

    My only advice is right after giving birth- make sure you’ve pooped before you are allowed to go home. Two words I hope no one else has to live through: bowel impaction 😬😱😩

    • april says...

      My hospital wouldn’t allow me to leave until that happened-I assumed (wrongly, it appears!) that was standard practice! Poor lady-sorry that happened to you!

    • Gillian says...

      You poor thing! I am a physician and I always packed my miralax in my go bag to start immediately after delivery.

  79. lomagirl says...

    I like this advice- and after having the kiddo, trust your intuition! Most of the mistakes I made were when I listened to other people instead of myself.
    So happy for these two.