How to Stop Worrying So Damn Much

A therapist once told me to set aside a certain amount of time to worry about something. Say, five minutes…I can worry about x for five minutes and then I shut it down for the day. I find it helpful because it’s not expecting you to never worry—it’s just placing a limit on how long you’ll let it interfere with other parts of your life. It works especially well for those who like structure or rules to follow.

I love this idea! Nighttime is also such an anxiety trigger for me. I know it will be easier said than done (duh) but I really like the thought of not worrying after dinner time!!

My trick to try to shut my brain down at night is to count backwards from 1 billion (seriously). It takes enough effort to think through “999 million, 999 thousand, 998…” that I’m not sure I’ve ever made it below 999,999,970 :) Pro tip – adding some slow, rhythmic breathing to my counting also helps slow my brain down.

My current technique is to say, “ok brain, we’re going to wind down now because our body needs a good rest. You did great job thinking today, but you can sign off for the night. Have a good sleep, brain. Have a good rest, body.” I’m currently recovering from a very serious injury so I am in constant communication with my body as I encourage it to heal itself and offer it compassion and care for its pain so I have a lot of practice having conscious conversation with my body, my thoughts and my emotions.

Love this! I very recently started to have anxiety. I have never struggled with it before, so I wasn’t even sure what it was. I felt like I was overreacting and needed to just calm down. But my friend described it to me like this. “Anxiety is that feeling when you’re walking down the stairs and you miss a step. You’re pretty sure everything will be ok, but that moment of falling and uncertainty is anxiety.”

It was such a relief to know that I wasn’t the only one who was feeling like that at times. I also like to idea you said about naming your anxiety and watching it walk out of the door. I strive off of visuals so that’s another helpful wording I’m planing on using the next time I feel like that! Thank you!

This just absolutely made me cry. I had a total meltdown last night after dinner and the aftershocks have been with me into the afternoon of the next day…so seeing this article feels like a gift. Thank you for sharing the advice of personifying the anxiety. I’m going to try this!

Yes, I love this and will so be using it from here on out. Also. I started a thing ages ago – as a kid, maybe? – where I like to have the happiest thought possible before bed to just switch gears in my brain and not go to bed too worried or sad. In my mid-30’s this morphed into watching some portion (if not all) of the Knightly/McFadden version of Pride & Prejudice. It’s a background wind-down that totally Zens me out.

4-7-8 breathing is everything to me! it stops a panic attack dead in its tracks. breath in through your nose for four seconds pulling the air into
your belly (sometimes i even poof my tummy out and put my hands on to feel it expand), hold the breath for seven seconds (keep the tummy poofed out), breath out through your mouth drawing to air out while pulling your tummy in. do this for about 10 cycles. i downloaded the gym boss app and i set the time to go off on a loop for the counts so i can just close my eyes and listen for the beeps.

i have always been an anxious person but three years ago i had a terrible panic attack (came to find out months later it was amped up by some medication i was taking) and i was in a car in traffic and i felt stuck, like i couldn’t breath and like i was dying. after that all i had to do was focus on my breathing and boom i’d spiral back into an attack (sweaty hands, tingly fingers and toes, pounding heartbeat, short breaths) it was awful. i went to therapy and somethings helped (mantras, meditating, medication etc) but the 4-7-8 technique just worked for my kind of attacks. it helps to keep your breathing in control which in turn keeps your heart from feeling like it’s going to beat out of your chest.

anxiety has been horrible in so many ways but i’ve become a much more open, understanding and compassionate person bc of it.

Hi everyone – Thought I should quickly share my story in case it helps someone here. I had significant anxiety arise in my late 20s and struggled through much of my 30s. Lots of things helped a bit – therapy, yoga, getting a little cuddly dog. But long story short, I eventually learned that it was at least aggravated, if not entirely caused, by a thyroid condition. I’m under treatment for that now, and have been 100% free of anxiety disorder for years. Consider asking your doctor whether you should have your thyroid levels checked.

This excerpt from a book I love has carried me through a lot lately…
“A strong emotion is like a storm. If you look at a tree in a storm, the top of the tree seems fragile, like it might break at any moment You are afraid the storm might up-root the tree. But if you turn your attention to the trunk of the tree, you realize that its roots are deeply anchored in the ground, and you see that the tree will be able to hold… You too are a tree.”
Thich Nhat Han, You Are Here

Love this post. My counselor taught me a little mindfulness trick that I use when I’m trying to quiet all the anxious thoughts that flood my mind when I lay down to go to bed, try to take a nap or go back to sleep after nursing my baby in the night… In my head, I list 5 things I see, 4 things I hear, 3 things I feel, 2 things I smell and 1 thing I taste (usually toothpaste or morning breath, depending on time of day ha). Can’t wait to read through the comments for more tricks!

These comments are such an amazing resource! I’m a regular sufferer of nighttime anxiety and I seem to be prone to catastrophizing when my head hits the pillow. I spin quickly from a head full of to-dos to a dark depressing place where everything in life is totally pointless. Cue misery and insomnia. Like many other commenters, I find that reading or listening to ASMR videos on youtube helps to distract me and if, nothing else, just recognizing the fact that I’m often catastrophizing helps. Invariably, I wake up the morning perfectly fine with a sense of renewed hope and anxiety at all.

My husband recently created a rule where we don’t talk about anything important after dinnertime. We both work full time, have a 3 year old and an 18 month old, have a few acres of unruly land, and have a dog that refuses to listen. Any conversations after that hour just led to arguments, hurt feelings, and weariness. I am the worst version of myself after a long day with all that going on. Any time a real conversation about something important starts to happen, one of us shuts it down real quick. It’s made a huge difference in not going to bed with anything on my mind and has kept our marriage a lot more harmonious.

One of the things I try to tell myself when I get anxious with different thoughts late at night is, “This is not a problem I can solve tonight.” It reminds me that nothing can be done about these thoughts between that night and the next morning and I can’t actually do anything about it. It kind of releases me from trying to come up with a solution late at night and it allows me to calm down.

I recommend Sarah Wilson’s book, “First, We Make The Beast Beautiful.” She has anxiety, OCD, and is bi-polar and she’s learned how she needs to live in order to have an enjoyable life. For example, she has to take a shower before bed, and bedtime is no later than 10pm. She can drink one glass of red wine, no more. And, she quit eating sugar (and you can also read her book, I Quit Sugar). She makes a great distinction between the normal every day anxiety that most of us struggle with, and the more terrible debilitating destructive sort. For me it’s “the dark place,” where everything is wrong and horrible. She also speaks directly to loved ones of those with anxiety. It’s a great handbook, and a reminder that we can all (must!) make some simple choices and live by them, no matter what.

The best thing I ever did for my anxiety was get medication. I resisted it for decades. It’s been life-changing.

This may be somewhat controversial: but I once (and only once) did mushrooms and it brought on a terrible trip where I had one of the worst anxiety attacks ever. Going through that and ‘coming out’ of it okay somehow made my anxiety much better afterward. This piqued my interest: I found a bunch of articles from reputable sources confirming the link between mushrooms and the treating anxiety, PTSD, depression etc. Interesting how ‘fear based’ anxiety is, and when you face those fears, even unwillingly, they then step aside.

I have this problem mostly when I’m pregnant and I noticed that reading fiction before bed helps, even if a little. I recently came across a study or something that says that reading fiction even only 6 minutes before bed has the biggest calming effect than anything else.

I have OCD. It’s legit, not the funny, charming kind that people say they have when they must prepare a perfect apple tart. It’s really awful, and it happens only at night, just before bed. I start checking things. I’ve been on my hands-and-knees, looking under my bed, crying because I can’t get back up and just go to bed. I check and re-check. And re-check. What helps is that I say to myself: “Oh…that’s your brain playing tricks on you, Amy. That’s all that is. Now get up and get in bed.” It really works. I separate myself from the behavior, and in that way, I’m able to see it more logically rather than emotionally. Also, for anxiety, I write. You can’t believe the power of making a list, even of just words. If you feel anxious, if you’re struggling with an issue, sit down and write (by hand) a list of 10 words related to the problem. I promise: you’ll get a very clear idea of the back issues. #anxietyisreal

I know anxiety is a real struggle. I know how important it is to be able to sleep in order to function and be happy. What I don’t know is how to be a good friend to people who DO suffer from anxiety.

I don’t mean to be callous, but being a loved one to someone who is incapable of going a full day without having a melt down is really difficult, and draining. Two of my very best friends since childhood have developed anxiety that only gets worse and worse. I want to be supportive and loving and helpful, but being on the receiving end of constant complaining and fear…well, it’s no fun. I know life isn’t always a picnic, but it’s gotten to the point where being around them is rarely enjoyable because they can’t just “be” without overthinking everything and fearing the worst, even though the worst rarely happens, if ever. Every conversation feels like a therapy session that I have to mentally prepare myself for because I know it’s going to be draining to take on all of their pain. I find myself putting distance between us because I don’t know what else to say or do, and the negativity it brings into my life seems less and less worth the effort. I want to love them, I want to help, but more than anything, I want my fun-loving, happy, carefree friends with the “fuck it, we’re all going to be ok!” attitude back.

So while I have a full audience of anxiety sufferers at my disposal (who might get very angry with me for asking, and if you are, I’m sorry, I really don’t mean to be disrespectful) can you please offer some advice on how your loved ones should handle this? Or is just being the constant listener and soother, like Jo’s dear husband Alex, the role we’re left to play…forever?

My therapist had me schedule a time to worry – it could be once a week or every day depending on how anxious you are and how much is going on. For someone like me who has always worried, it seems impossible to just push the thoughts away permanently – but feels more possible to push them away temporarily so they’re not interfering with sleep/work/family time/fun. So if your worries come at bedtime, maybe schedule a 4pm worry, and list everything that’s on your mind on a piece of paper. Then move some things onto your to do list, some things look just silly written down, and some are a big deal but are out of your control. Then if the thoughts start coming at 11pm, think – I’ll worry about this at 4pm tomorrow. It’s not perfect, but it helps.

As a Christian, I used to feel ashamed of my anxiety. Church friends would tell me I needed to lean in more, and let God take control. Which is a great theory, until you actually suffer with anxiety on any scale. I have found that falling asleep holding my husband’s hand helps me feel loved and comforted. I also read lighthearted fiction before bed, it takes my mind away from the realities of my life into a happier world. My favourite is a book called Winter Solstice by Rosamunde Pilcher. Her books are comfortingly far away from the reality of modern life.

my anxiety driven insomnia was greatly helped by The Power of Now. There isn’t anything exceptional about the book for me but for some reason the lesson on being present while trying to fall asleep really helped. I now force myself not to think about the future or the past and just feel the now. I feel myself sinking into my pillow; i hear my spouse breathing; i hear the wind outside; i feel my heart beating. When my mind starts to wander I consciously bring it back.

And if none of that works I eat some marijuana edibles (it’s legal where I am so I can write that I think).