Four Fun Things

My newspaper once published perhaps the greatest obituary to have ever existed a few years ago. It was so incredible that it went viral. I hope to have enough of a sense of humor to write myself an obit that has a tenth of the humor and heart.

For your enjoyment:
Walter George Bruhl Jr. of Newark and Dewey Beach is a dead person; he is no more; he is bereft of life; he is deceased; he has rung down the curtain and gone to join the choir invisible; he has expired and gone to meet his maker.

He drifted off this mortal coil Sunday, March 9, 2014, in Punta Gorda, Fla. His spirit was released from his worn-out shell of a body and is now exploring the universe.

He was surrounded by his loving wife of 57 years, Helene Sellers Bruhl, who will now be able to purchase the mink coat which he had always refused her because he believed only minks should wear mink. He is also survived by his son Walter III and wife Melissa; daughters Carly and Paige, and son Martin and wife Debra; son Sam and daughter Kalla. Walt loved and enjoyed his grandkids.

Walt was preceded in death by his tonsils and adenoids in 1935; a spinal disc in 1974; a large piece of his thyroid gland in 1988; and his prostate on March 27, 2000.

He was born in Philadelphia, Pa., April 20,1933 at 10:38 p.m., and weighed in at a healthy seven pounds, four ounces, and was 22 inches long, to Blanche Buckman Bruhl and Walter George Bruhl.

He drifted through the Philadelphia Public School System from 1937 through 1951, graduating, to his mother’s great relief, from John Bartram High School in June 1951.

Walter was a Marine Corps veteran of the Korean War, having served from October 1951 to September 1954, with overseas duty in Japan from June 1953 till August 1954. He attained the rank of sergeant. He chose this path because of Hollywood propaganda, to which he succumbed as a child during World War II, and his cousin Ella, who joined the corps in 1943.

He served an electronics apprenticeship at the Philadelphia Naval Yard from 1956-61; operated Atlantic Automotive Service Stations in Wilmington during 1961-62; and was employed by the late great DuPont Co. from 1962-93. (Very few people who knew him would say he worked for DuPont, and he always claimed he had only been been hired to fill a position.)

He started at the Chestnut Run Site as a flunky in the weave area of the Textile Fibers Department, and then was promoted to research assistant, where he stayed from 1963-72. In 1972 he accepted a position as an equipment service representative with the Photo Products Department at the old DuPont Airport site (now Barley Mill Plaza).

In 1973 he was promoted to manufacturing engineering technologist and was employed in that capacity until, after 31 years with The Co., he was given a fine anniversary dinner and a token gift and then “downsized” in December 1993. He was rehired as a contract employee in June 1994, doing the same job that he had been “downsized” from, and stayed until July 1995.

He started his own contract business and worked at Litho Tech Ltd. from 1996-99.

There will be no viewing since his wife refuses to honor his request to have him standing in the corner of the room with a glass of Jack Daniels in his hand so he would appear natural to visitors.

Cremation will take place at the family’s convenience, and his ashes will be kept in an urn until they get tired of having it around. What’s a Grecian Urn? Oh, about 200 drachmas a week.

Everyone who remembers him is asked to celebrate Walt’s life in their own way; raising a glass of their favorite drink in his memory would be quite appropriate.

Instead of flowers, Walt would hope that you will do an unexpected and unsolicited act of kindness for some poor unfortunate soul in his name.

Same w/my above neighbor. I always thought, was she:

1. Doing aerobics in 4″ heels.
2. Jumping on a pogo stick.
3. Slamming her chair around the apartment.
4. Jumping on her bed.

My dad passed away last year and in a moment of misguided consoling my aunt offered up this advice to my mom, “You’ll keep busy”. My mom and I joked that many, many years from now her gravestone will read, “She kept busy”.

To honor his parents, a friend tattooed the recipe each parent is best known for on his body. One of them, a cookie recipe honoring his dad, reads like a list on his thigh. It’s easy for him to read/see when he’s sitting down, it appears upside down to everyone else when he stands. I think it’s such a neat idea.

Being a homeowner does not protect you from crazy neighbors. When we had a tiny house in San Francisco where all the houses are tightly squeezed together like books on a packed shelf, we lived next doors to a group of people running a drug ring in their basement. There were all kinds of cars that stopped and kept the moor running while one person ran into the house for a few minutes, ran back out, jumped into the car that took off like a bat out of hell. There were really loud parties that went on all night, fist fights in the street, all kinds of unsavory people lurking on our doorstep and loads of beer cans, cigarette butts and drug paraphernalia on the sidewalks. It took years for the cops to bust them.
I miss the simplicity of apartment life.

the sunscreen! my 2 yr old is actually pretty good about it, probably because i put regular lotion on him every night after his bath (and i have since he was a newborn!) We just switched to using SunBum brand sunscreen, and it goes on SO SMOOTH (compared to some others, which feel like paste and don’t spread out/rub in at all). But the best part is that there’s a little monkey on the tube – so we call it monkey lotion! And we all do monkey noises and act like monkeys while we put it on. He wiggles a bit, but generally doesn’t try to escape, and he laughs so much, so it’s totally worth it :-)

My neighbour smokes pot starting at about 6am until midnight. I don’t care that she is smoking it…it’s legal and she says she has a prescription…My concern is the never ending, super potent skunky smell that never seems to dissipate. All day, every day, in the summer and the milder winter days…all you smell is pot…which means, less time enjoying my yard and more time hiding in the air conditioning. Oh and she follows up her joints with cigarettes…lol.

My aunt has taken to calling my neighbour “Patty n Selma” as she is essentially those characters in human form.

I’m a public librarian, so the more bizarre part of my brain would like my tombstone to just be a catalog record (with the Dewey number 023, for personnel management).

I once saw a gravestone in Denmark that said (in Danish), “Here lies ___, very much against his will.” Makes me smile every time I think about it!

Upstairs neighbors – ever seen this hilarious video?
https://youtu.be/4IRB0sxw-YU

We have been the upstairs neighbors. I‘d say we are generally loud as a familiy and the kids are very active (read: running, jumping, using things). But our neighbors never complained and when asked about it they said they wouldn‘t here that much.
Now we live on the ground floor. It‘s a relieve for me. We hear the kids upstairs running and jumping and doing their kid‘s stuff. But we don‘t mind. But also: I think our old neighbors were lying ;)

I quoted the gravestone with the four girls and one bathroom several times already. Gives me hope for the future with three girls and one bathroom. Haha.

I try to live my life the way I want to be remembered. I want people to remember me as kind and generous and someone who lifts others up.

Often when I’m faced with a difficult choice I’ll think to myself ‘how do you want to be remembered?’ and it makes the decision easier.

I once lived below a tap dancer. At least, I think that’s what he was doing?!

I can’t even tell you just how much stress and anxiety our upstairs neighbors have caused us everywhere we’ve lived. Every night we wonder whether or not we’re going to get to sleep! Once, I was convinced that they were playing some sort of enormous darts game.

And yes, the sunscreen struggle is very real.

This sunscreen has changed my life this summer:
https://www.neutrogena.com/sun/beach-defense-water-sun-protection-sunscreen-stick-broad-spectrum-spf-50/6887275.html
The sunscreen battle was something I was unprepared for as a parent. I don’t know how “safe” this rates in terms of toxins and what-not, but my kids will stand still and let me apply this liberally to their face and bodies. It goes on easily, smells good, isn’t sticky and they haven’t gotten burned. Yay!!! Life-hack summer 2018.

My mom
Wants her tombstone to say “She hath done what she could.” Either that or “She never learned French.”

Neighbor in our townhome apartments: barbershop choir singer, old fashioned thick coke bottle glasses (always sliding down his nose), pants up to his chin, beige wind breaker, always, he was about 25, single (do I need to say that? Probably not) only ever said “hi-dee ho neighbor! Are we having fun yet?” When it was a blizzard, when we had armfuls of groceries, when we introduced our new baby, when there was a fire and we were all in the parking lot at 2 am…….. Same two phrases. I don’t know his name. We just called him *are we having fun yet* guy. I miss him a little bit.

Powdered Mineral Sunscreen has been my #1 purchase this summer. I apply liberally all over my 1 and 3 year old and I can cover both of them in 30 seconds including squirming. Costco had a 2 pack for $30! https://www.amazon.com/Brush-Block-Sunscreen-Spectrum-Translucent/dp/B00K1LQXWC/ref=sr_1_4_a_it?ie=UTF8&qid=1533249413&sr=8-4&keywords=sunscreen+powder

Oh man. Upstairs neighbors. For years we lived below someone who was a bartender. She came home every night around 3 or 4 usually with a guest. Her tiny dog would run around barking frantically at the guest. Then the intimate part of the evening would begin. Same floor plan meant that her bed (on wheels) was right above us. When that part of the night was finally over she would then scoot the bed to where it was against the wall. Relaxing! We had about an hour before the dentist office downstairs started up their air compressor. It was a very long four years.

Those sunscreen pics kill me!!! Those are hysterical!

xox
Allie

My dad’s tombstone says, “Allow yourself to be happy”. This came from an inscription he wrote to me one Christmas, “allowing yourself to be happy is one of the great joys of the world. Don’t stifle it but rather encourage it and enjoy. Many great achievements start with dreams. Continue to love, to enjoy and most of all to dream. This is the formula for a happy life.” He worked hard at cultivating happiness. It left a big impression on us four kids; we’re all stellar at floating in a lake, napping in an open meadow, hot tubbing under the stars or fly fishing at dusk. He left a legacy of happiness seekers.

When I sunscreen the kiddos I work with, I say to them that I am painting their face. They love it lol. Also dont wait until you arrive at the playground. Kids just want to jump right in. You really need to sunscreen 15 mins before sun exposure in an ideal world. Make it a part of your morning routine, again at snack, lunch etc. It needs to be reapplied!! If that fails. I sunscreen them while strapped in their car seat and give them a truck. This wont work if you dont have a car but it may help someone lol

One of my favorite Friends’ lines, re: tombstones:
“Mine’s gonna say, Phoebe Buffet: Buried Alive”