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What do people not know about you?
P.S. Inner voices, and who someone really is.
(Illustration by the lovely Mari Andrew.)
Things I Keep to Myself
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113 Comments
This is amazing. I’m a 3rd grade teacher (and mom of a Kinder) and it would make my YEAR if one of my boys said this to me.
Sometimes when I walk out of my kids’ school, I hold my phone to my ear so no one will greet me to chat. Sometime I even talk (‘yes, uh-huh”), but no one is on the line.
Haha! I totally listened to parenting podcasts too before I was a parent (and kept it a secret). Now that I am a parent, I think all that listening paid off. :)
I’m American/Cuban but you would never know because i’m super pale and have somewhat light features. It’s funny being around strangers who speak Spanish and assume no one else can understand them. Once I was in a thrift shop holding a pair of boots and waiting in line to pay. A woman behind me turned to her friend and said in Spanish, “omg those boots are hideous!” It was a funny moment! I still bought the boots.
No one knows that I cry at LEAST once a day… Stupid pop songs, news stories, the book I’m reading, a story someone told me in passing- they all set me off with happy and/or sad tears. I feel equal parts embarrassed and proud of this. Hey, I just have a lot of feelings!
I like to let the sweat drip off my face when I run; it feels like a small victory.
I’ve had about 4 periods total in my life and can’t figure out what’s wrong.
Sometimes I drive slow so I can finish listening to the segment on NPR before I arrive home.
I always worry that my breath smells (I eat a lot of garlic).
You probably already have done this but have you talked to a doctor about polycycstic ovarian syndrome (PCOS)? Could explain your period issue. Same thing happened to me until I got on birth control.
I do the same with NPR/podcasts :D Or I’ll just sit in my car at home until it’s done!
I greet my house and my plants when I walk in the door.
I’m suffering from shingles right now.
When I’m in your home, I immediately think about how I would decorate it differently.
My choice of accessories depends on what I’m doing. I always wear my diamond anniversary band (my engagement ring and wedding band need resizing). If I’m just around the house and not going anywhere, I’ll wear some simple earrings. When I go to work, it’s a necklace, bracelet(s), earrings, my college ring and usually my signet ring. When it’s hot, I skip the necklace. I take my jewelry, except for my anniversary band, off at night.
When I am driving, I quietly thank traffic lights when they turn green for me. If I accidently forget they will, without fail, all start turning red. Loopy, I know!
Helloooooooo soulsister! So glad I’ve finally found you!
Whenever I thank them, I look up just a little bit and nod, as if the traffic light and I have this special bond thingy going on :-)
People must think I’m a crazy girl on a bike ?
When I’m coming up on a light that I’m afraid will turn red, I say over and over “stay green, stay green, stay green” and then when I get through the light I say “thank you.” It always stays green for me! Always! I think I might have powers.
We know, Loesie, we know.
Your reply made my day sweet!
The New Yorker comment killed me. Everyone has one of those tote bags now!
I’ve been dying my hair its natural color for a year now. I have jet black hair but the grays are really starting to come in (I’m 29 and given my genes, it’s shocking it’s waited this long) and really stand out against my dark color. I don’t tell anyone and still take all of the compliments on how striking the color is ;)
Yes! I have one too and am kind of embarassed to use it, but it’s such the perfect size!
That’s so funny, I didn’t know I had jumped on a bandwagon (maybe not being in NY?)! But I totally just subscribed for the bag :D
I’m a volunteer at the JCC in SF and signed up to work Mari’s event there soon because I secretly love her work thanks to CoJ. I have to sneak out of work a little early to be there on time but it’s worth it! Mari has also inspired me to try my hand at drawing. No one knows this about me!
I work in an elementary school and one day as I was hiding my tampon in my shirt sleeve it fell out an rolled on the floor. One of our kiddos picked it up and handed it to me. He then told me to feel better ’cause when his mom has her period she gets a little sick of all the noise in the house and it’s “way more louder” at school! Now when I have my period I just proudly walk with my tools in hand because it is loud at school and I don’t have a lot of time to find new hiding places!
LOVE.THIS.
Love.that.boy.
I can’t love this enough. And the boy too!
No one knows that I’ve been trying to save money so I’ve started cutting my own hair and thank god for wavy hair texture, I think I’m pulling it off.
Me too! For ten years now, a little at a time whenever the ends need cleaning up. No one even notices.
One time I cut it dramatically and on a whim, about 8 inches, when I needed a change and was leaving a long relationship. I just walked into the bathroom with scissors and no plan and walked out with short hair. It was just hair, but I felt like I was taking control of my own fate.
I am shaken for days if I read an article about some sort of abuse or suffering that is going on in the world, and I find it hard to focus on anything else. I feel helpless for all the change I want to see in the world to a point where it sometimes consumes me.
Also, I find it almost impossible to go #2 anywhere besides my house. (humor, in an attempt to distract my mind from the first two sentences)
ME TOO ON BOTH!
Me three
Ugh, ME FOUR. I am so affected. I seriously thought it was just me. Thank you for posting this.
I started wearing natural deodorant and I think it’s doing it’s job, but I am afraid others think I smell too…natural.
I’m using super chemical bad-for-you deodorant and I’m still nervous about the way I smell. Did anyone else’s body chemistry take a turn for the worse when they turned 28?
I had lazer hair removal done on my underarms and now I basically don’t sweat. Apparently it’s a side effect. Why they don’t advertise it idk. I would have had it done years ago if I knew this then!
Same here. I switched to natural a month or two ago and thought it was working ok (applying 2-3 times a day because I’m nervous)… but now it’s super hot and I caught smelly pits on myself this week! I stubbornly don’t want to switch back though.
I was using Native deodorant, and it irritates my skin. Even the gentle stuff does. Plus, it caused skin tags! So I’m back to using Ban roll on….
On the way home from the hospital with my brand new first baby, I dropped my bag and a tampon rolled out. My husband was like YOU HAVEN’T CLEANED OUT YOUR BAG IN NINE MONTHS?
hahahaha
(and hi gemgem!!!)
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I still have a leftover square of my kid’s cheese toastie in my bag from about two months ago. Each time I feel it I go, “Ewww, gross!” BUT I STILL DONT THROW IT OUT.
hahahahaha! as always, right on cue, Mari! you are SO REAL! LOVE IT! (i always used to hide tampons in my sock!) LOL!!!
I once hid a tampon in my sleeve where it fell out in front of a new boyfriend and my parents. At age 20, this was completely mortifying!
My pastor asked to borrow a pen once… and guess what I pulled out of my purse to offer him?
Have you heard the new Nerdette interview with Audie Cornish? It’s lovely!
https://www.wbez.org/shows/nerdette/power-up-nprs-audie-cornish/2c29116f-f942-4ad8-925b-81ccc2e83779
I’m sitting at my desk reading this now with headphones on – nothing playing. I was about to play some music, but got distracted with filling out my time sheet and now this and there is no music, just headphones, and this happens frequently during the day at work.
At my last job I would just put the headphones in so people wouldn’t bother me. No music. Just silence. It really works to keep people away from your desk… until one of those said people realizes your headphones aren’t even plugged into anything! Sorry not sorry :)
I always sit with my headphones on at work with nothing playing. Sometimes I just want to hear nothing… it helps me concentrate more.
Nailed another one, Mari!
Most people don’t know that I find dad bods super attractive!
Yes, I love a good tummy!
That bangs comment resonates with me so damn much. There really are exactly two days in a trim cycle when they are perfect. WHY?!?!
I weirdly can’t think of anything that NO ONE knows about me, and it’s making me kind of sad. There are plenty of things that only one or two people know, but I can’t come up with anything that is just mine. Do I have no secrets? No inner life? There are things my husband doesn’t know about me, but my sister knows, and there are things my sister doesn’t know that my husband knows, but I guess I have a hard time keeping everything in. I’m sure there are things that I’m just not thinking of, but this is going to drive me bonkers until I figure it out! I will be sure to report back. Haha.
you sound like a warm and lovely open book, meltown! i think that’s wonderful. xoxoxo
Could we get a round-up of awesome parenting podcasts? I would love some recommendations (in addition to what you ladies have already posted here…)!!!
I’m addicted to parenting podcasts.
I love Mom and Dad are Fighting. So smart and funny.
Yes to Mom and Dad are fighting! I could not love the current hosts more. Such a great balance of opinions.
I’m 12 weeks pregnant and save for a my partner & few close friends, no one knows. It feels like a special secret between myself and the universe that I
enjoy not sharing. I am just realizing the contradictory nature by making this comment….but, it’s you guys. <3
that is so so exciting, kimmie! huge congratulations :) :) :)
I was the only one who knew my baby was a girl for a good two months, I just loved it. Such a special time for me looking back. (My husband wanted the surprise on his birthday, so I kept the secret to myself until he knew)
so many things people don’ t know about me… about which i have mixed feelings. in a way it’s a lot to carry on my own and on the other hand, it’s comforting that in the age of oversharing there are still some thoughts and feelings that are just mine.
my boyfriend doesn’t know how badly i miss my friends and family back home and how insecure i am about the lack of friends i have in the city where we live. no one at work knows that i undid the inside button of my wrap dress because it became too tight after eating lunch. no one knows i’m wearing new mascara that i love and also started using anti wrinkle eye cream as of yesterday. life, man!
Life, for reals! Can totally relate to the difficulty in making friends – hang in there! :-)
Hahaha, omg I listen to parenting podcasts all the time even though I’m not a parent. I think I just like to hear women talk about their lives. :)
I am addicted to parenting podcasts.
Does anyone else carry their cell phone in their bra? I’m asking for a friend.
all the time! So handy when I don’t have pockets and need my hands free.
All the time!! Hardly any of my clothes have pockets.
What do other women do? Do they carry them around in their hand the entire time?
I am forcing myself to date because I miss my husband so much (he turned out to be gay), and I am afraid I will never fall in love again, or get to have a baby. Everyone thinks I’m doing great, but I cry myself to sleep every night and wonder if he ever loved me at all.
Hugs.
That must be so hard. I know that unsolicited advice is the. worst. But. Maybe don’t force yourself to date. Just let yourself mourn and heal and the rest of it will all work out when you’re ready. ❤️
big hugs to you – you are strong and brave.
Susie, my heart goes out to you! I am sorry for your loss and wish you the best in your dating endeavors. A stranger on the internet thinks you’ll fall in love again and get to have a baby :)
That sucks. I am sorry.
Sometimes when I am in the worst of grief, I tell myself I won’t feel as bad in a (season) (month) (year) (pick a time period). Losses don’t go away entirely, but I like to remind myself that the worst doesn’t last in its worst form indefinitely.
Susie, I am so sorry you are going through this. Sending love and hoping you find a way forward that feels right for you. xoxo
I’m so sorry, Susie. that sounds so so hard, and i’m really sorry you’re going through this. it sounds overwhelming. I’m sure your husband loved you so much, and I know you’ll fall in love and have a baby, if that’s what you want. the future always seems SO dark and impossible when you’re going through a transition/loss/grief, but then the world will turn around and you’ll be proud of yourself for getting through this.
have you heard this zora neale hurston quote? “there are years that ask questions and years that answer.” you will be happy again.
I’m really sorry Susie! That sounds like a heavy experience to be pushed into. Dating can also be really hard, so much so that I’ve preferred to do it when it doesn’t feel like an obligation or a burden. Sending you love as you cope with this time of healing and discovery.
Susie, I don’t have any words of wisdom but hopefully it can be a small comfort to know that my heart is sending your heart love and hugs. If the COJ community were physically together I think we would enjoy a big, awesome, awkward group hug with you at the center :)
Oh my heart! You brave, brave woman. It’s hard pretending like everything is ok when in reality you feel as though everything is falling apart. I am rooting for you! I hope that tonight you cry just a bit less (but also that you give yourself the time you need to heal from what must be an unbearable sorrow…wouldn’t this all be easier if he were just a jerk?!?)
“If the COJ community were physically together I think we would enjoy a big, awesome, awkward group hug with you at the center :)” = yes!!!
Good heavens. That is a lot. Of course you are crying- anybody would be. I am so sorry you are going through this. I wish you comfort and peace and kindness and hope, and that someday in the not to distant future you feel gratitude for everything that has come before, and hopeful and joyful about everything still to be.
Susie~I hope I can shed a little light…I was MADLY in love with the man I lived with for 2 years, even after I found out he had affairs with men. Oh, the pit of my stomach ached with that nugget. I confronted him and we discussed how much we loved each other, how we enjoyed just hanging out, how we amused each other, how we had the same taste in almost everything, and all the rest. He tried to fight his desires regarding men. Mentally, I tried to make deals with myself. “What if I turned a blind eye to the occasional fling?” “What if I tried to be more masculine/forceful in my lovemaking?” Very unhealthy, this went on for 3 months. Finally, I moved out. I had to go cold turkey. No contact, whatsoever, for a solid year. Don’t force yourself to date. Cry as much as you need. You will absolutely fall in love again. Promise. Big Hugs.
I get this. I am a lesbian who was married to a man. When he realized I was gay, he left me. He said he thought I was just frigid and not interested in sex or having people touch me, but when he realized it was HIM, he forced us to get a divorce. All I ever wanted was to be normal (straight), and he was my best friend. I cry a lot, too, wondering if he ever really cared for me at all. There are so many memories from our time together where I felt loved, deeply — like any best friend, he knew everything about me and we shared so many wonderful, happy times together. But does your best friend leave you when they find out who you really are? I don’t know. It’s the hardest thing I’ve been though. It’s not quite the as you Susie, but it sucks from both ends. I miss my ex, too. I wish we could get coffee.
Hugs!Hugs!Hugs!!!
Oh, Susie. I am so, so sorry. What a loss. I’m *sure* he loved you. I agree with the person below- if we were all here, we’d give you a big group hug!
Susie I am so sorry, but definitely, and believe me, you will be falling in love again. You’ll do. From a CoJ reader to another. Sending big hugs to you.
My bracelet is making indentations in my arm and my earrings clack. Why did I do this to myself? I hate accessories. They’re like the static tv stations, or at least today they are.
I stopped accessorizing years ago when I had to live out of a suitcase for a year and I’ve never looked back. I’m down to my wedding bands (and even they are simple and comfortable since they are pavé style). Let’s start an no-accessory fashion movement. I’m with you, Denise! :)
My accessories are tiny diamond studs and a hair tie on my wrist :) Feels good to be simple. Plus I dress like a tomboy and earrings just never go
one of my ear studs is missing its stone (it fell out but meh, the flat setting looks fine) and other than ear studs, I wear a very battered silver crucifix-and-chain combo my grandma gave me when I was born (32 years ago!) even though I’m no longer a practising catholic. and a tan line on my left wrist after I used my watch as a bookmark and haven’t gone back to finish the book.
struggling with the cheap ear studs/rings I get – I never take them off and after a while they disappear after a shower/night in bed. accessories (even the simple ones) are pretty high maintenance!
I pretty much stopped wearing accessories too Lena! It’s so liberating.
My choice of accessories depends on what I’m doing. I always wear my diamond anniversary band (my engagement ring and wedding band need resizing). If I’m just around the house and not going anywhere, I’ll wear some simple earrings. When I go to work, it’s a necklace, bracelet(s), earrings, my college ring and usually my signet ring. When it’s hot, I skip the necklace. I take my jewelry, except for my anniversary band, off at night.
Ladies…please tell me why youre putting your tampons in your sock? Is this a thing “we” do? I feel like they would get smooshed.
I put pads and tampons in my waistband under my shirt when I walk from my office down the long hall to the bathroom. The only other options are to bring a purse or just hold them in my hand.
If you use menstrual cups, you don’t have the tampin hiding problem. It’s the best.
Haha love this! Why is there a tampon in your sock? I am happy that its there but am just curious.
Thank you for always making me smile.
What parenting podcast do you listen to? Yes, I am guilty of doing the same relative to the new yorker thing.
i did the same with bon appetit :)
Do women really put tampons in their socks??! I am a 38 year old woman and have never done this or heard of this!
I stick ’em in my boots (pathetic, I know, but….).
In the socks?!! I’ve never heard of that either! I’ve always put mine along the side of the cup of my bra.
It is a little unfortunate in this day and age that women feel compelled to hide their tampons. I just carry them in my purse and take them out when I need to and try not to care if anyone sees. Of course women also have a right to their privacy if they prefer it – to each their own! Just interesting.
I definitely hide mine (so silly I know), just have never thought to stick one in my sock. A useful trick for sure :)
Ladies! I haven’t used a tampon in 5+ years or had to stick them in random places in my undergarments because of my Luna cup. Real life-changer, I’m telling you! I bet it’d be a great dare for Caroline… :)
Haircut yesterday, so my bangs are too short and I look like I’m trying to be hip. I’m never trying to be hip.
This comment made me laugh, so you’re hip in my book!
Made me laugh, too.
And I know what you mean.
Haircut yesterday. He gave me an undercut and it‘s very short overall. I can never match my hip haircuts with my boring clothes.
Yes! New Yorker tote bag! ?
Bahahahha the Missy/Podcast thing is relatable! I’ve been listening to Longest Shortest Time since the COJ recommendation (also not a parent :)
Haha, I’m not a big podccast listener, but I also LOVE to read articles/blog posts/books about parenting. As a 22 year old single with no plans for kids in at least half a decade. :D
I am a parent but I am not single and I listen to Why Oh Why (about modern dating). I guess it’s just interesting to get a glimpse of another world for a moment.
I always love Mari’s work.
I think the tampon in the sock is one of the best lady-hacks of ALL TIME.
i have never heard of this but i’m 100% on board now haha
The best lady hack of all time is the DIVA CUP! I only learned of Diva Cups 4 years ago and it was in a university feminine studies course!
I had to keep my cool because for 20 years I literally thought there were two options: pads and tampons.
Turns out there are SO many (safe and eco-friendly) options for our menstrual blood.
I’m confused, why would you put a tampon in your sock?
i haven’t worn a bra for the past two days :] i’m thinking about getting a beer with my lunch. i’m supposed to go to a ‘nautical themed’ birthday party for a friend who is a few years younger than me tonight, and i have no clue what to wear. my bf and i are going camping for another friend’s birthday this weekend, and we would have to get up at 6a to make it there in time for a hike she’s planning at 10:30a..i’m secretly SUPER hoping we sleep too late to make the hike, and can just have a nice leisurely drive up into the mountains to arrive in time for lunch.
I love this! And I really needed to smile this morning, so thank you.
You’re my hero
you are awesome, jenn. <3
Oh, I am shameless about checking my teeth after eating. If there’s one thing I will not tolerate, it’s food in my teeth. (you know… among other, less inconsequential things…)
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