What are you up to this weekend? We’re going to the Museum of Natural History to see the dinosaurs. Anton is out-of-his-mind excited, especially for the stegosaurus (“his brain was the size of a lime!”). Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…
Wow, this actress can really cry on command.
LOVE the new color of my favorite sandals. I wear them all spring and summer.
Excited to watch the show Killing Eve this weekend. Have you seen it?
When your outfit perfectly matches the sea and sky.
The galvanizing shock of the Cosby verdict. “For all the fears that the #MeToo moment will be marked by overreach, the fact remains that a single instance of justice feels more surprising than several decades of serial rape.” (New Yorker)
Email addresses it would be really annoying to give out over the phone.
The French beauty product I swear by. (Those rave reviews!)
A mother’s guide to navigating a special needs encounter.
A lynching memorial is opening, and the country has never seen anything like it. (NYTimes)
Plus, three great reader comments:
Says Jesse on restaurant anxieties: “I have this idea to start a restaurant review blog for HSP’s (highly sensitive people). It wouldn’t be about the food, but it would tell you things like if there is parking and what the entrance feels like. The bathroom location would, of course, be of utmost importance.”
Says Laura on 17 reader comments on grief: “When my dad died 10 years ago, a friend gave me a very pretty colored box. She said, ‘I know you’re going to be getting a lot of cards and letters from people and you won’t know where to put them, but you won’t want to throw them away — you can use this box.’ It was SUPER helpful, and now I’ve given the same gift to many friends after a significant loss.”
Says Marina on 17 reader comments on grief: “I’m not into quotes but this one has carried me through after the loss of my eight-year-old son: ‘Grief, I’ve learned, is really just love. It’s all the love you want to give, but cannot. All that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is just love with no place to go.'”
(Photo of Zadie Smith at a reading.)
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So weird you posted Zadie’s photo with this! I saw here speak at the Unbound Book Festival just a couple weeks ago in Columbia, MO! She was fantastic.
Laughing–we were just at the museum on Friday (road trip from PA), JUST to see the dinosaurs. Wait’ll he sees the cast of a T-rex. Mom Points for daaaaays!
First of all, how does Bryce do that so quickly!! That is a talent to be able to access emotions that quickly!
As far as men like Cosby and Weinstein go, I’m glad they are finally being held accountable and brought to justice for the horribly abusive things they have done for decades. I hope it sets a new precedent.
I have been LOOOOVING the reader comments you’ve shared. This community has so much wisdom and heart, but we don’t always have the time to read through.
Thank you for curating this for us.
Thank you so much for linking to my post about navigating a special needs encounter. This is one of the areas I feel most passionate about–educating children regarding disabilities–as I have seen children go from fear, hesitation, exclusion to acceptance, kindness and inclusion like a light switch, all because they were briefly educated about their disabled peers. Education doesn’t just make a difference, it makes ALL the difference for our young ones. Thank you for helping spread that awareness. XO
thank you so much, miggy! your work is beautiful and so important.
Thanks for sharing Miggy’s article! It’s an important lesson for families to learn – one they probably don’t think about. I’m trying to teach my own circle as a mother of a little with Down syndrome : )
My mother is a teacher of students with special needs and something she pointed out to me once has always stuck: Instead of saying “special needs kids” you say “kids with special needs” because they are kids first, before any qualifiers.
That link rewritten to be “a mother’s guide to navigating an encounter with children with special needs” is much kinder, don’t you think?
Kirsten
kirsten, yes to this…as a mother of an almost 26 yo son with autism and a 28 yo daughter who is a special education teacher, i always try to use “person first” language…thank you…deb
I see your point about emphasis. I work for an organization that teaches courses in prisons, and we make a point of referring to people we work with as “incarcerated men/women” or just “students” rather than inmates or prisoners. Labels do carry connotations about identity.
That said, I’m not sure that editing the link is entirely called for in this case, since “navigating a special needs encounter” is taken from the title of the blog post, written by a self-described “special needs mom” about her own child.
i totally agree with person first language when talking about people (“child with autism,” versus “autistic child”), but in this case we’re describing the encounter, not the little girl. also, the mother used this language, and we used the title of her post. so i think it’s fine, as is? but i’m going to keep thinking about this, thank you so much for your feedback, as always! lots of love xoxo
I just got home from the opening of the memorial in Alabama–it was one of the most profound days I can remember–the memorial might be the most harrowing and moving space I’ve ever experienced. Highly recommend a visit to all (and a full cupofjo post!)
wow, that’s amazing, thank you, emily!
Just wanted to add, since i live in huaraches in the summer too, that Humble Hilo sells them for $45 and there’s are also fairly made. They don’t have leather soles, but for someone who doesn’t have a large budget or just wants to try them, they’re a beautiful option.
Re: the huaraches. Is the “new fit” actually different?? Did you order a half size larger than you had in the past? I attempted huaraches last year but ended up buying them too big and I don’t want to make that mistake again!
Thank you for including the article on the new memorial in Montgomery! I’ve been following Bryan Stevenson’s work for quite some time and was able to attend the opening this weekend. In the memorial, I walked beside a WWII veteran whose grandfather was lynched. He and his family were looking for his name among the 4,000+ others that are memorialized. It was a heartbreaking reminder that we are still living with the trauma of racial violence and will continue to do so until we tell the truth about it. I am so thankful for the work the EJI is doing – everyone should see the museum and memorial!
Thank you for sharing the link to EJI’s Memorial – I was lucky enough to attend the opening and had been thinking how important it is to get the word out about it to communities like Cup of Jo’s.
It is 4AM here in France. I can’t sleep and I was browsing through your blog (which I love even if I never comment).
I just lost my mother yesterday and marina’s quote and the ones you collected on your previous article just gave me such solace, that I can’t thank you enough.
Like the kindness of strangers. Internet is a weird but sometimes wonderful.
Thank you for not shying away from tackling such subjects.
I’m so sorry for your loss ❤️
i’m so sorry for your loss, hélène. i’ll be thinking of you today. i’m so sorry.
I’m sorry for your loss. Sending hugs from the U.S.
I went to a memorial service several years ago, and the pastor made a profound statement, in my opinion. He said “It hurts so much, because we loved so much.” I think this compliments Marina’s sentiments so well, and I will hold onto it forever. Thank you Marina….so sorry for your loss. Can’t imagine. From one mother to another, sending sincere love.
Cosby’s verdict makes everything so relevant and should stand for a strong example! Still can’t believe it, cuz I’m a child of the 80s and loved that show and him sooooo much.
Killing Eve….. I’m an Amazon Prime member. Seriously, I have to pay for it? Is there another way to watch that I’m missing? I love me some Sandra Oh #diehardGreysfan
if you sign into BBC, you can watch it, but you need to know your tv provider, number, etc., which i personally never know! but might work for you, fingers crossed:
http://www.bbcamerica.com/shows/killing-eve
I love that you shared Miggy’s blog! The work that she is doing means a lot to families like ours
Oh Marina, thank you for sharing that beautiful quote. I hope that it will always comfort you. Much love and compassion to you…I cannot even begin to imagine the pain and loss you have experienced.
Also-very much looking forward to going to the lynching memorial. It’s very important.
Great articles. The French beauty product link is not working for me. I’ll keep checking ?
Does anyone know where I can find a pretty box/tin like tge one Laura mentioned in her comment about grieving? I have a friend going through the loss of her father and I would love to gift her one.
that’s a wonderful question, jee-eun.
these zip pouch sets could be lovely and then you could separate notes into categories/etc:
https://www.lewisishome.com/collections/zip-pouch-sets
these terrazzo tin boxes are pretty:
https://www.2modern.com/products/tin-boxes-terrazzo-set-of-3
this is expensive but there’s something so comforting about it:
https://www.shopterrain.com/utility-storage/natural-wool-basket
i’ll keep looking! xoxo
IKEA also has a lot of beautiful boxes, if you’re looking on more of a budget! If you’re feeling crafty you could buy some of their plain white boxes and color/paint/collage something on them to make them extra special for your friend.
You may want to check Cost Plus World Market (https://www.worldmarket.com/search.do?query=box) or TJmaxx/Marshalls. They usually have lovely boxes. Sending love to you and your friend as she goes through the loss of her father and as you love her during that tough time.
You could find a lovely one at any craft store, though it might take awhile to find one that suits your friend’s style <3
good call, alexandra! the ikea ones are so nice, here are a bunch:
https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/categories/departments/living_room/10550/
and this lovely pattern:
https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/40399192/
This reminds me of the box from this Yellow Brick Home blog post: https://www.yellowbrickhome.com/2018/04/12/weekly-baby-photo-idea/
They got a jewelry box and added a monogram, that could be particularly meaningful, I think! https://www.westelm.com/products/loft-box-large-d3383/
Also, when in doubt…the container store!
Thank you so much everyone for your help!
Yes to Killing Eve. Sandra Oh and Jodie Comer’s interview with the SAG-AFTRA foundation is something to watch too, and has me excited for episode 5.
Also spending a rare Saturday off watching Janelle Monae’s emotion picture Dirty Computer and listening to her album on repeat.
thank you for sharing Marinas quote abt grief. I had to reread it, I felt that instantly.
Love Jesse’s idea! Could I request to include a review of the bathroom soap situation? I know it probably seems crazy to most, but I cringe if I have to wash my hands with the neon-pink, chemical-laden, strong-smelling crap, er, “soap,” that is often in restaurant bathrooms. But I’m giddy with excitement when a bathroom actually has an all-natural soap for customers to use. And, if they add (an all-natural) lotion, they have my loyalty for life. I’ll even tell friends about it. And sometimes they look at me funny and probably wonder why I even noticed, or cared about, that. And, um, yes, I’m an HSP.
Amen to this. Me too.
Pff i cried at Marina’s comment. I was just staring at my sleeping son this morning loving him so much and I cannot imagine not being able to do that. A big hug to her from a stranger..
As the mother of a child with special needs, there is another way to go. I decided that it’s not my job to educate the rest of the world on how to be kind. I give myself full permission never to explain her. I simply accept kindness and walk away from rudeness, and my goal is to teach my daughter how to do the same. I feel by seeing how respectful, loving and kind I am to her that other people will question their discomfort at her.
I think that is amazing!
‘Killing Eve’ is great! Whimsical, surprising, smart and suspenseful–enjoy!!
Thank you so much for your work on pulling together the most interesting things to read! Favourite part of the week!
What a wonderful spread of links. To be deeply moved by Marina’s comment, then to laugh cry reading e-mail addresses aloud to my husband (seriously, try it), is so representative of life sometimes. Thank you.
I love that you’ve linked to Miggy’s blog! I’ve been reading her for years, and every Friday she does a Special Needs Spotlight. They are lovely and eye opening, and I wish everyone would read them!
Marina’s comment is just so heartbreakingly true.
Marina, you sound like a beautiful soul.
I’m so sorry for your loss
Yes, totally agree!
An email address that is truly annoying to give over the phone?? How about my work email first initial,last name@crohnscolitisfoundation.org. I literally tell people to buckle in.
Hahahha this is an amazing email. Also, as a crohns peep, thanks for the work you do!
1. The Equal Justice Initiative (the group behind the lunching memorial) is doing phenomenal work. I had the great honor of visiting there in January, and am still overwhelmed with emotion when I think about the work they continue to do.
2. Marina’s comment is just…exactly right. My grief of those I’ve lost hides in odd corners of my body, and her comment makes me feel them all at once. Thank you so much for describing what so many of us have felt.
Thank you for including the post on navigating a special needs encounters! My little one is three and uses a wheelchair and is non-verbal. Yes, we’ve had some pretty horrible encounters, but we have also witnessed such beautiful moments where parents engage their children in these types of conversations. Knowing that some of your readers will take that advice to heart and navigate their next encounter with a renewed perspective is such a lovely way to start my weekend!
Wow, the comment about grief being love with no place to go… beautiful. My grandmother (my mom’s mom) just passed away a couple weeks ago, and I just sent that quote to my mom. Thank you for sharing.
“Grief is just love with no place to go.”
Oof. So true and powerful. Thank you.
Marina thank you for that gift. What a remarkable way to think of grief. I am so so sorry you lost your sweet boy. I can’t even imagine the pain. I’m so so sorry. You sound like one amazing Mama.
Oh my!
Marina’s comment is so beautiful and, I believe, true.
Crying at my desk.
What a beautiful quote on grief.
The mother’s guide to navigating the special needs conversation is SUCH a powerful reminder on how important these conversations are— compassion and kindness are taught at a young age. I love the idea of bringing doctors and specialists into the classroom to explain things to curious little minds, too. That Mama is doing amazing things for her daughter and the world!
Omg that last comment…so beautiful!
Oh my, Marina’s comment just WRECKED me. What a perfect, perfect description of what grieving feels like!
My heart breaks for Marina. No parent should have to endure losing their child.
Omg that comment re: a restaurant review blog for highly-sensitive people is GENIUS. Someone make this a thing please. I thought I was the only one uncomfortable when going to a new restaurant, precisely for the reason’s Mari and Jesse mentioned.
Please tell Marina I feel her love.
i hope she makes that blog for HSP. Please include:
-noise level (pin drop, charming hum, yell to hear each other, or chuckie cheese)
-spacing of tables (will my butt be in someone’s face as i squeeze by)
The quote Marina shared about grief is so beautiful and comforting. I lost my grandmother just over a year ago, and this really makes my heart warm. I’ll do my best now to think of the pain I feel as love with no place to go.
xo Vivian
Killing Eve is so good! I knew I loved it within the first five minutes (there’s an exchange between Sandra Oh and her coworker, and it’s amazing).
I once heard Bryan Stevenson (the man behind the memorial) speak, and would recommend his book Just Mercy to anyone. Very powerful.
https://www.amazon.com/Just-Mercy-Story-Justice-Redemption/dp/081298496X
Excellent book.
I second this, Becs! The work Bryan Stevenson does is profound. Watching any of his speeches or reading his book is extremely worthwhile.
thank you so much, becs!