Have a Delicious Weekend.

I just came back here to find the maternity overalls link (searched thru pages of old posts to find it) and saw you updated the depression link and promptly burst into tears. I am pregnant so hormones are besting me right now, but my gosh I love your addition and comment as well. As someone who has anxiety and depression, there’s much to be said for self-care and exercise but for me, when I was depressed, exercising often didn’t give me the “cure” I thought it would, which made my struggle even worse because I couldn’t “fix” myself. I had such a hard time accepting drugs could be the solution, because of the stigma surrounding it and how desperately I wanted to not have to take meds to be normal. But when your brain chemistry isn’t “normal” to begin with, sometimes you need a little help. My dad has BPD and so I’ve known all my life how powerful, helpful, and transformative meds can be, but for some reason it took me a long while to accept that as a solution for myself. Anyway, just wanted to say thank you for being transparent about your personal dealings with depression; I appreciate you and the other commenters being so honest and vulnerable with their truths, which in turn empowers me to accept my own.

Joanna, I SO appreciate that small de-stigmatizing line you added about benefitting from anti-depressants. Thanks for sharing about your mental health.

That breakup article is all too relatable! I remember getting broken up with on my couch and that one spot where he sat, fidgeting awkwardly, haunted me for months. Even when I moved the couch to a different place in the room I would still walk by and remember every little detail of that horrible afternoon – the front door closing with a squeaky noise, the sound of his car rumbling away, the sliver of sunlight coming through the afternoon blinds – spotlighting me in that sinking moment. Funny how memories can be triggered!. So yes by all means break up with us on a subway – not our homes! :)

Bodies are meant to be active, get enough sleep, eat nourishing foods, drink water, and our minds are meant to be social with people who love us. And of course that isn’t the solution to all cases of depression, and not every body has the option of sleep or moving enough or being social, etc. – but it’s a good thing to keep in mind: bodies and minds will backfire if needs aren’t being met.

That exercise article is really wonderful! I find that my exercise directly links to my mental health – I’m more optimistic, even keeled, and happier when I run or ride my bike. Running is SO important to my mental health that when I started having some IT band syndrome while running I put the work in to finding ways to address it because I was so scared I would lose that outlet if I didn’t address it immediately.

In our healthcare system I feel like this wasn’t valued much and I really had to fight and advocate for this despite study after study showing that preventative medicine is cheaper in the long run. First, I went to my GP and asked for a prescription for Physical therapy, explaining that even though it wasn’t debilitating giving me a script for preventative PT was going to be a long-term solution for my mental health and my physical health.

Once I got over that hurdle, I then called my insurance company to pre-clear it and find an in-network PT office. They were initially resistant to the idea of paying for non-catastrophic PT, but I told the rep that they’d be saving money in the long run by honoring the GP’s prescription for preventative PT because of the health benefits of exercise. She acquiesced and they covered 60 PT visits for me free and clear because of the conversation we had.

The third step in this process was finding a sports-specific PT – the first few I looked at were used to issues related to more typical injuries or age and yes…lots of unhealthy lifestyles, not sports related issues so they were not a good fit. One actually told me “You are having trouble running? Why don’t you just walk instead? Why would you want to run when it hurts? Just ice it and stop working out so much” She kind of missed the point of why I was there.

I did end up finding a clinic that only treats runners and getting PT through them…and within 12 visits I was fine because they had taught me to strengthen the muscles that were causing the IT band issues.

Anyways…long story short…within our american medical system you REALLY have to advocate for your right to exercise. It’s not set up to encourage that, mental health or not.

There’s a certain negative stigma around anti-depressants/ anti-anxiety meds, even though they’re incredibly prevalent in our society. My husband’s been on a variety of meds for years. Every so often, he has to re-calibrate and try something new. People don’t get it. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been told something like , “Well can’t he just TRY to feel better? Mind over matter!” No. Sometimes you need some help, and that is OKAY. I need insulin, but no one gives me a hard time about it.

Thanks for linking to the article on exercise and depression. When we moved to a new state where we didn’t know anyone last year, I found myself having some symptoms of depression (low energy, lack of motivation, feeling sad). Luckily we lived by a wildlife refuge – walking that 5-mile loop a few times each week was just what I needed to get my mood back on track.

As a counselor, I feel it’s important to note that the article specifies exercise as a recommendation for MILD to MODERATE depression. More severe symptoms (such as inability to get out of bed, serious impairment of day-to-day life, and any thoughts of harming yourself) all qualify depression as more intense than mild or moderate. Exercise as a treatment option has not been researched for those instances.

Please, if you are feeling depressed, check in with a counselor, therapist, or doctor!! If someone offers treatment options you aren’t interested in, or is completely closed off to certain options (ie, they NEVER recommend medication, or they NEVER recommend therapy or lifestyle changes), get a second opinion. And if you’re interested in some lifestyle or holistic options like starting exercise, just ask.

Thank you Joanna for posting about taking anti-depressants. I also take anti-depressants and credit them with enabling me to actually enjoy my life rather than expending all my energy trying to beat crippling anxiety. I have loved your blog for several years now and it has made my day to read your brave and honest post. Thank you so much x

Growing up, when my mom took us shopping and we were in ever-changing bodies, she would say to my sister and me: “You’re cuter than the dress.” It took away the awkwardness of acknowledging that I couldn’t fill out the top, or that my mid-section was too thick for the size that fit me everywhere else. You can’t feel bad about yourself if its the clothing’s fault!

How awesome of you to describe the exercise-for-depression article the way you did. From someone who knows she needs them and is reluctant to take them, that moves (and helps!) me.

I had a slightly different take away from the exercise/antidepressant article. I was so surprised to read that the average American takes ~4,500 steps a day. I’m a person who walks everywhere and I’m on my feet at work all day, so I was SO sure I took more, but I checked the app on my phone that tells me how many steps I take per day, and yep! there I was, averaging about 4,500! For someone who has low energy/moods and probably slight depression, I can see how if I moved more intentionally, taking even 30 extra minutes a day to power walk around my neighborhood, or swim laps at my school a few times a week, I would probably benefit physically AND mentally, possibly even enough to clear away the low levels of depression I have. But even the article mentioned that for people with medium to severe depression, exercise alone won’t be able to do what a good antidepressant can, for sure!
Thanks, as always, Cup of Jo team for being thoughtful and compassionate! These weekend round-up posts never fail to inspire me and give me something to think about!

It took some time before I can accept that I need anti depressants and anti anxiety pills. I have the stigma towards them even when they make me feel better. I am better in accepting them now. I need them and they are not evil.

“Although antidepressants are THE BEST for people who need them, like myself.” <- Thank you so much for this! I have an anxiety disorder and take medication every day. It really is the best for me, it's changed my life and got me out of a very dark place when I never thought I'd see the light again. It took a lot of time and tears to be at peace with the idea that my mind needed medication, but it's exactly as you said in a comment: "mental health medication is JUST as essential and important and lifesaving as medications for any physical ailment". YES! Thanks, Joanna!

I am not depressed but I am surely am exhausted does exercise work for that I wonder

Ok, am I the only one drooling at that meatball? I’m sure the links are wonderful…..but meatball!

It’s great that exercise can help with some people’s depression. I know I have felt it lift my spirits and really ramp down my anxiety. But when I was literally crying while exercising on a regular basis, it was clear exercise was not enough for that bout of depression. Like Melissa above, I tried medication and it changed my life. Here’s to everyone’s health!

I heartily disagree that your own home is the best place to break up with someone! I dated a psychotherapist for a total of two months, start to finish. When I tried to break up with him at my apt., he told me my “reasons aren’t good enough, I can’t allow you to break up with me”. Then he wouldn’t leave! I was desperate, so I resorted to saying some mildly hurtful things, hoping he would go. He eventually left, but then sent me long, typewritten letters and poems for months afterward.

Re: the best place to break up, I broke up with my most recent TWO exes at my house. I’m not certain that it’s easier. The end of my last relationship came when we both realised that he wanted different things to me, and while there was a lot of love and affection between us, we knew that we were in such different places, continuing the relationship- however good it was- would not have been good for either one of us, and I took responsibility for ending it. So breaking up with him at my house was really hard. I had to watch him walk out of my door, and out of my life, see his indentation on the pillow, and I just cried and cried and cried. It may have been easier on him- but it’s easy to forget that breaking up with someone can be really hard for the person doing the breaking up, not just for the person being broken up with. Oh, heartbreak. Isn’t it just the WORST!?

I think breaking up with someone at your place is such a good idea, except when I think about the brokenhearted’s commute home.

I think I read in Cosmo, years ago, that Tyra Banks (even supermodels get their hearts broken!) once had an ex who lived somewhere like the Hollywood hills. He broke up with her and she had to drive the windy roads down, in the dark, through her tear-streaked eyes and gasping sobs. It was emotionally painful and physically dangerous, and she was so mad at him for putting her through both the breakup and the journey home.

If you can and their car isn’t at your place, get your former beau an Uber home (yes, on your dime). Or, better yet, to their best friend’s place, because that’s probably where they were headed next anyway.