Have a Lovely Weekend.

I would love to see “a lovely piece of art” on your links list every Friday :D

Long time reader and rare rare commenter. Just wanted to share that your interview on MR was lovely. Not that I would have expected anything else. Joanna, you are so relatable and I love your blog (and the other women by proxy who you’ve decided to surround yourself with). You always highlight the most interesting parts of the internet to link to.

This morning with the news about the bombing in Port Authority–it stops you and makes you think that the world is so big and yet sometimes so small. I read your MR article this morning before my babies woke up and then was snuggling/nursing my baby and talking with my toddler when I heard NPR mention the bombing and of course I immediately thought about my husband who’d already left for his commute on the 7 and a friend who actually works in law enforcement at Port Authority–but then my net swung wider and I thought about all the connections to people I have here in this city–including the team behind your blog. I’m rambling which is perhaps why I don’t comment very often. Just wanted to say that in a world/city/life where really the unexpected can happen at any moment and we are unfortunately reminded on a Monday morning that the world can be cruel, you and your team are a lovely reminder that the world is also full of real life realness and goodness.

Love your conversation with Amelia from MR, specifically the anecdote about the Dutch couple at the end. When wanting more and more, I think it’s always important to remember that the most valuable resource is time, not money. So happy for your continued success.

About the men vs. Women: I read that and my immediate reaction was that’s so extreme though, I can’t relate to that. And then I remembered how about 10 years ago, when I had just started dating my now husband, how a girl my age was raped and murdered in one of the apartments on my street by some man who buzzed her door and said he was from the electrical company (and I lived in the good part of town). My now mother-in-law made a big deal about it and wouldn’t let me walk my dog at night without her son being there, and we just laughed it off and appreciated that it gave us an extra chance to hang out together. And that’s one of the things that scares me the most, how these things happen all the time but you’re so used to them that you don’t even notice.

Oh god, the Raising a Teenager. I heard my mom reading that essay and me annotating and then found that I was crying throughout the entire freaking piece. Thanks for sharing.

The quote in the Courtney Casto article truly is on point. When I was a grad student in a small college town in Colorado I lived with two female roommates who were also grad students in other programs. We were all in our early 20’s. There was an issue with a peeping Tom in the community and he had recently started breaking into women’s homes at night and they’d find him hovering over them while they slept (he would then run off). I bought a couple of used men’s working boots from a thrift store and left them on our porch alongside our own shoes so others would think a male also lived in the house. Over ten years later a female colleague/friend who was a clinical social worker and I were at a conference and getting into an elevator. She advised when I’m in an elevator alone and a male walks in that I should step out and wait until the next one comes. She had previously worked with a patient who had been in her apartment elevator when a college-aged male walked in and pressed the stop button once the doors shut. He then sexually assaulted the woman. Now I often step out of elevators. I was in my mid-30’s at that time. This is never ending for women. It’s our norm but the accumulative effect on our overall sense of well-being and safety is something that warrants more research, intervention, and support.

I enjoyed the MR article. Something stood out to me, and I realized why I sometimes feel like “an outsider” in this community now. It’s this part:

She explains that there are so many polarized opinions surrounding motherhood…

THAT is exactly what I love about this blog, that it explored all the polarized parts of motherhood, and life. Except for a big one, recently. And for me that’s politics. The blog hasn’t explored articles or conversation on the other side of the liberal agenda. Even just writing the word Republican feels like a “bad word” (spilled over from feeling that way in the real world community at large). It’s polarized sure, and affecting friendships, dating, and so many other parts of life. I love the blog. I wish there was a place for open dialogue about this here.

I am a bit surprised that only women do things to keep themselves safe. I do all of those, and often tell my friends that the number of places I can go now because I have a big dog is amazing. But don’t men scan the environment to see who is drunk, drugged and ganged up? I would think they would too…

Love all these things! Those young girls look so professional in their Nutcracker rolls. Their biceps are awesome!

Tomorrow I’m heading to my first comic con, and I’m taking a photo with Gal Gadot! I’m so excited but nervous to wear my Wonder Woman costume I made. But it should be fun :)

The Man Repeller interview has made me think of how many years I’ve been reading this blog. This is the ONLY ONE blog that I visit everyday, and USA is not my country, English is not my first (nor second) language, but I feel like in a real and very close community where I feel listened in a very real way. I love when you ever reply a comment of mine, and I love when another reader replies a comment of mine. You Cup of Jo is Perfect, Joanna. And I thank you for that.

“Sometimes when things are falling apart they may actually be falling into place. Stay positive.” This sentiment is the lesson of my life. This summer, Joanna, you asked for your readers to just share where they were at that moment in their lives. I was at my parents’ house, taking care of my 54 year old mother as she died from breast cancer. Your readers (and you!) were so sweet and supportive in your responses, and made me feel less alone.

My mom died in August and the next day, my fiance of 10 years broke up with me over text message and told me I wasn’t allowed back in our apartment and all my things were in one box. It became clearer over the next month that he had had a psychotic break. A few weeks later, my 21 year old sister disappeared. She’s been missing for 3 months. Hurricanes and fires were consuming the world, nuclear war seemed possible, and everything felt upside down.

I found solace in my mother’s journals, which she filled with wise words about staying positive through her health struggle. She didn’t perceive herself as a victim, so how could I view myself that way? It would have been a disservice to her.

Forced out of my home and life, I was confronted with some of the fears that had been holding me back and keeping me stagnant. The first thing I ever wanted to be when I grew up, back when I was 6 years old, was an artist. I got sidetracked by a more academic life and then spent many years as a failed tech entrepreneur. A few months ago I finally reached out to a friend in Silicon Valley who helped me land a role at a great rising startup as a product designer. The day I was hired, while driving home, for lack of a better method of informing her, I just shouted out in the car to my mom at the top of my lungs, “I did it Mom!”

With distance, I’ve realized I was in an abusive relationship and was not fulfilling my potential. Everything had to be stripped away for me to initiate change. This feels like where I’m supposed to be now.

I read a fable recently, I can’t remember where, about an old farmer and his horse. The horse runs away one day and the villagers all say to him “Oh what misfortune!” but the old man refuses to feel down saying all he knew was that the horse was gone, and could not know what that portended. The villagers thought he was crazy, but a week later, the horse returned and brought 10 more horses with it. The villagers then come to him and say “Oh you’re so lucky!” Again the farmer refuses to attach meaning to his fortune. A bit later, his only son is riding one of the wild stallions and falls and breaks his leg. The villagers again cry out about the farmer’s misfortune. But his son’s broken leg ends up saving him when an army comes through town looking for healthy recruits. And on and on….

Of course, the journey has been incredibly difficult. I still cry every day. But just reminding myself that all of this may be happening for a reason, or that it’s temporary, or at least reminding myself that I don’t know the ending of my story, has gotten me through it. Plus, girlfriends. Oh my gosh, girlfriends are so important.

Have you guys heard of a new show called SMILF (Single Mother I’d Like to…)? Heard about it on NPR, and it sounds like it will be good!

Loved your interview with Man Repeller. I’ve been reading your blog since before I had kids! When you first published your piece about post pardum depression I was in the middle of my battle as well. It felt so comforting to know there were others out there as well in th struggle. Love your site!

I live in Rio de Janeiro and strangely, for a city that is so dangerous, I don’t experience sexual harassment here. I’m moving back home in 7 months though, and reading that men vs. women article really freaked me out because I remember that when I lived at home I was mentally preparing myself for harassment or an assault every time I went out. While I worry a lot about my safety here, there’s a different sort of mental torture involved in having to constantly tolerate street harassment and the possibility of rape vs. “just” worrying about being held up for your phone and wallet. It’s the difference between a fear you feel in your gut and something that invades your whole being.

PS your man repeller article made me decide to try to comment more. I’ve been reading since just before Toby was born but I almost never comment! Lame.

For anyone interested there is a #MeToo Rally in NYC tomorrow from 1pm-3pm near Columbus Circle! There are details of the event on Facebook (MeTooRallyNYC)
https://www.facebook.com/events/132368984048919/?active_tab=about