A Personal Note

I grew up in the USA but I am am Australian and have lived down under for a long time now.
I say this out of love for the USA, a country I adore. No one needs to protect themselves with semi automatic guns and no ones rights are infringed with background checks.
In 1996 our conservative Prime Minister banned guns (some exceptions exist) following a massacre killing 17 people. We have never had a mass shooting since ( there were 17 in the previous 18 years) suicide and homicide rates decreased by 50-60%.
Of course crime still exists as does mental illness, but these are facts.
Since the ban both major political parties have seen the results and support the ban continuing.
I travel to the USA now in fear, that is not an exaggeration. our country on the whole looks on with your lack of gun control in absolute horror and it’s a subject reported and discussed widely. .
Even if some gun control is adopted that prevents the loss of even one innocent life, isn’t that worth it?
Unless your country acts this will happen again. And again . And again….. I wish that were not the truth.

Thanks Joanna. Lots of love from the sad Barcelona.
Xx

Thank you.

I live in Vegas. The violence that happened is absolute nonsense. I have tried to wrap my mind around it. Not possible.

However the stuff that makes sense is the goodness that has followed. Every single charity group and blood bank reached CAPACITY within hours.

Goodness will always trump evil.

VegasStrong

Sending condolences to all those involved.

Thank you for posting this. We had a pretty nice weekend, too, and waking up to that notification on Monday morning about Las Vegas made my stomach turn.
For me the hardest part is that we have to convince others why it’s worthwhile to enact commonsense gun laws. In my mind, it should be no question. People are dying, being massacred, and yet we still allow people to legally purchase a machine gun, and as many military style weapons as they choose. How is that right worth so many lives? I would hope people would be willing to sacrifice this notion that they “need” guns because so many children, men and women have been senselessly murdered just this year alone. I worry about having kids and sending them out into the world. Surely they will want to go to concerts, like I did. But these days this is where people are being killed. Must it always be a gamble when you step out your door? It is, but we can make it not be, you know? Sorry for the long comment I am at a loss, and just so thankful that you open this dialogue on your website, Joanna.

A friend reminded me of this poem, which feels increasingly fitting:
Good Bones
BY MAGGIE SMITH
Life is short, though I keep this from my children.
Life is short, and I’ve shortened mine
in a thousand delicious, ill-advised ways,
a thousand deliciously ill-advised ways
I’ll keep from my children. The world is at least
fifty percent terrible, and that’s a conservative
estimate, though I keep this from my children.
For every bird there is a stone thrown at a bird.
For every loved child, a child broken, bagged,
sunk in a lake. Life is short and the world
is at least half terrible, and for every kind
stranger, there is one who would break you,
though I keep this from my children. I am trying
to sell them the world. Any decent realtor,
walking you through a real shithole, chirps on
about good bones: This place could be beautiful,
right? You could make this place beautiful.

I’m glad you acknowledged this horrible act of violence in Las Vegas, but why haven’t you posted anything specifically about the ongoing humanitarian crisis affecting Puerto Rico?

I normally find your blog to be conscientious to current events, but I am disappointed by your deafening silence on this issue.

I feel like it bears mentioning that just because someone is antisocial or “different” doesn’t make them a danger to society, and just because the media is promoting this idea that “antisocial people are dangerous” it doesn’t mean we have to buy into it. 99% of antisocial people are completely harmless introverts with some combination of anxiety, increased self-consciousness, and a low tolerance for interpersonal drama. Antisocial is not an indication that someone is mentally unbalanced, and neither is wearing non trendy clothes or liking music that you don’t. Classifying people as possible domestic terrorists because they would rather listen to death metal than manufactured pop music that is completely devoid of anything resembling intelligence, or would rather wear a black band shirt than participate in superficial trends, or would rather read a book than attempt to make friends with drama llamas who probably dislike them to begin with, is harassment.

Sincerely, an antisocial introvert who was actually put on a school watch list because a bunch of ignorant bullies stereotyped her as a potential shooter. Accusers got off scot free and I never received an apology from the school for harassing me and my parents with such an unspeakably offensive accusation.

Joanna,
I read one comment about not saying anything about this in front of your children. As a mom of two boys, 9 and 2, I am struggling to know how to approach all of these events with my older. Could you do a post on talking (or not talking) to children when tragedy in the world occurs, perhaps with some child psych experts?

Thank you for a smart, thoughtful, relevant blog and specifically post today.

I feel the need to comment, but I am from north of your border. A Canadian above metioned she was not horrified this morning when seeing the news. But I have to say for myself and family and friends it was exactly that. I actually didn’t think what I saw load on my computer was real. The iconic nature of the las vegas strip and the millions of people who go there for fun and laughs and memories, seems to make it so hard to fathom.
I do wonder why a normal joe blo can obtain these types of weapons. I am genuinely confused, what other use they would have other than to kill many. This is not your hunters choice of gun, right?! Refusing civilains access to these kind of weapons may not end all violence but surely the death toll and injured list would be less than 600?? Wouldn’t it be a step? if even a baby step?
I can’t comment on much to do with gun laws as my knowledge of the topic is limited and I do know we have had violence too. But as a Canadian citizen, I have never thought about needing a weapon for self defence etc because I know that most people do not possess a weapon either. It is amazing how there is less to fear when you don’t believe you have something to fear in the first place.
I always love this quote of Mother Teresa “If you want to change the world, go home and love your family.” So to all of you, let us start there. xo
Love to all the victims and bystanders and families and emergency personal and to us, the people.

I think the only way to protect your children from gun violence is to live in a country with strict gun laws. That isnt America.

When you call your representatives, you can also urge them to lift restrictions on gun violence research by and funded by CDC. For years CDC has bee blocked from this type of research because the NRA did not like what the research said and lobbied Congress to restrict funding to CDC as well as grants to academic research. After Sandy Hook there was some slight lifting of the limitatations, but there needs to be well-funded research on gun violence as well as development and evaluation of public health prevention and policy. Data matters and the NRA has had a loud and forcible say in what data can be collected with our tax dollars. Enough!

I really feel at a loss which means our children feel…what do they feel?! How does a little one process such a thing? Here are some ideas that I appreciated. They will hear. We should be the ones to talk with them:
https://www.pintsizednola.com/talk-kids-mass-shootings/
As well as this imp. reminder:
ry not to blame mental illness, says Ellen Hendriksen, a psychologist, writing for Quick and Dirty Tips. “Explaining that a shooter was mentally ill equates mental illness and violence, which increases stigma and, for the millions of people struggling with mental illness, reduces a willingness to speak up and get help. In a time when almost every family knows someone struggling with mental illness, you don’t want kids wrongly equating a school shooter with Uncle Rick’s depression or being afraid of the kid with autism down the block.”
It’s fine, Dr. Hendriksen says, to say that we don’t know why people do these kind of things. Some people do awful, hurtful things—but there are many more good people in the world than bad.

It’s unspeakably horrifying and I don’t have answers. I do have questions, which come up any time I hear about another shooting. First, we live in an entertainment culture saturated with images of violence: music, games, movies, tv, etc. Why doesn’t the entertainment industry censor itself and have the integrity to say “we will no longer make money by glorifying violence and offering people the opportunity to act out Tory fantasies”?
Second, so many shooters seem to have been motivated by a desire to go out in a blaze of glory and make a name for themselves. Why doesn’t the news media simply refuse to cater to that: cover the event, cover the victims, cover the families, etc but resist the temptation to endlessly air the shooter’s life story and picture and make him/her a household name?
Third, do we really think that stricter gun control and universal health care would totally fix all this? I agree that both gun laws and health care could use improvement. But I don’t think real answers are that easy. Let’s be honest: no amount of legislation can do away with the fact that sometimes people just do evil things without any rational explanation. You could impose a totalitarian state, in which people are forcibly examined and medicated and restrained if mental illness is suspected, and in which only the government possesses weapons of any kind, but then you have to reckon with the (very real) possibility that the government will go power-mad and abuse its authority. I think we should work as hard as we can to prevent evil from happening, but not flatter ourselves that political change will change every human heart. We can create a better society, yes, but not a perfect one. We still will have to love and try to understand one another through brokenness and with compassion.
And last: I do not at ALL want to lessen the pain of those who have lost loved ones in this tragedy–but I wonder what people in devastated, war-torn countries think of the political hand-wringing that goes on when Americans taste the pain of the violence that they live with every day. Do they think we care more about our suffering than theirs? Do we think we are better and deserve better? It’s easier to shut our eyes to it and go on with our lives when it’s in Syria or Myanmar or Iraq or Nigeria. I know that is true for me, too, and I know we can’t all fix all the world’s problems. But I wonder if there is a way to give our response the ring of “we feel a bit of your pain, and it’s awful, and let’s link hands to fight it everywhere” rather than “oh, just not HERE!”

LOVE > HATE. Thank you for your post today. Feeling numb and helpless in the moment but inspired to speak up and use my voice for good. Thank you for sharing ways to help as well.

It is horrible news and we think of all the people affected by this!
Trying to explain it to my children aged 6 and 3, the first thing they asked was “why are these people allowed to carry guns”. We don’t live in the USA, so my first thought also was: when will these laws for guns over there be finally changed? How many more shootings must happen until the politicians will wake up? Go out and vote, stand together, demonstrate, be kind. And give your loved ones an extra big hug!
Love Cup of Jo for always finding the right words and spreading positivity!

Four weeks ago, there was a mass shooting in my hometown of Plano, TX. The early headlines out Sunday night told us that 8 people were killed at a Dallas Cowboy football watching party. I thought the same thing many others were thinking- “Oh, that’s terrible. It’s so close to home. When will the violence end?” and then went about my evening, barely giving it another thought.

It wasn’t until the next morning that I received the devastating phone call. The party was at our friend’s house. My husband and I knew 5 of the 8 people that were killed, including the shooter. One of the guests had been at my intimate Wyoming destination wedding just a week before.

I won’t go into the details on how difficult this has been for us, the families, their coworkers, anybody that has ever met them at a party, had them in a class… At first I felt angry when people tried to turn this into a political platform. I felt angry before the shooter was publicly identified when people speculated on race, mental health, etc. I’ve since chosen to focus on the good the world has shown us since then- an airline giving free flights to friends and family members so they can get to their support network, a stranger opening their home in Houston so the victim’s friends would have a place to stay while attending yet another funeral.

Yeah, we need to talk guncare. Yeah, we need to talk mental-health and the stigma around it. Yeah, I’m sad and angry, but I have found when you are feeling scared because the world seems so much colder than it did just a few weeks ago- look at the love around you. It’s everywhere. We’ll get through this together.

I think the most important thing we can all do today, and everyday, is to be kind and present. I also recommend that everyone reads This is Water by David Foster Wallace. It is the best meditation/devotional for making some sense of how we should move forward: http://www.metastatic.org/text/This%20is%20Water.pdf