Have a Great (Long) Weekend.

As always a great round-up. I am trying to be empathetic to those that are hugely hurt by the “when are you going to have kids / get pregnant” question but I have a hard time understanding the pain it instills.

I have gone through extensive fertility treatments and miscarriages and endless conversations about whether to adopt or not and never once did the questions from strangers, acquaintances, family, neighbors, friends, etc bother me. Depending on how much or little I felt like chatting I would just answer honestly in a long or short way (“We are trying but facing some struggles.” or before I was married I would say “We will see what the future holds.”). The question never hurt me and it certainly didn’t remind me of my struggles (because during fertility struggles it was ALWAYS on my mind).

I guess I am one to appreciate the opportunity to discuss true experiences, feelings, opinions, etc. It allows for a greater understanding for each other.

For now I will refrain these questions (when are you getting married, when are you having kids, etc) because I don’t want to inadvertently hurt someone but I welcome honest discussions so feel free to ask me.

Thank you for including harvey in this post. I’ve been a long time reader of your blog. And a long time Houston resident. It is heart breaking to see what my friends and fellow Houstonians are going through. The children, mothers and fathers who have lost everything. It is so hard.

The article on autism is one of the sweetest and wisest things I’ve read in a while “The future should look like the best parts of your present”. What a sweet and true lesson – now I sort of want to find an etsy esq print of it, hang it on my wall next to a picture of the lamb on the sheep, and eat a bowl of olive oil chocolate mousse. What a great day that would be!

For those of you touched by the article on Ethan, please watch Netflix recent series “Aypical”. It’s so heartwarming and well done!

Oh my goodness, I am crying. The Looking into the Future… article is so perfect in every way. My older brother (29 this year) has Austism and Aspergers and it has only been in the last few years of my life (I’m now 26) that I have been truly able to understand, respect and work out my own way of how to be a good sister to him. Furthermore, articles like this allow me to begin to understand it all from my mother’s point of view (although I’ll only ever be able to scratch the surface). This time for her wasn’t easy and I know she still has concerns for the future like what will happen when she is gone. More open dialogue about Austism is crucial. Through articles like this, we can all learn to how to support and respect our children, brothers and sisters with autism.

When you get to be my age, the question is usually “How many grandchildren do you have?” I always answer “None.” When people find out I don’t have kids either, the replies vary. One woman said, “That’s okay — because you have him [pointing to my husband] and he has you.”

The autism article made me sad. No one thought to ask Ethan for 21 years what he wanted in his vision statement? Why don’t we respect disabled voices in our society?

“Looking Into the Future for a Child With Autism” brought tears to my eyes. As a Learning Support teacher to a beautiful grade 7 student, each day I struggle with teachers telling me what he can’t do and me fighting back with what he can do, re-telling all the successes and not wanting to hear about his failures… so encouraging to hear other stories!

I want to have cocktail hour with Kathrine’s 90-year-old grandfather. If not, I will carry his cocktail hour tradition on for many years in his honor. He knows what’s up!

On “When will you have a baby?”…Add this question to the mix, “Why DIDN’T you just adopt?” Wow. The sucker punch. The person asking has already passed judgement.

Thanks Jo for continuing to help buffer the blow we experience on this sensitive topic.

The turning during a formal meal is pretty standard. At a large dining room table it is pretty difficult to have a conversation with several people at once, so you generally speak only to the people next to you and switch with each course. The reason the Queen starts to the right is that she is the hostess and the guest of honor always sits to the right of the host/hostess. That dictates the table layout and is why it is important to balance a table at a formal dinner. Everyone needs to have someone to talk to.

Katherine’s grandfather!!! That comment needs to be included in the Cup of Jo Anthology Reader’s Comments ;)

On a more serious note, sending prayers to Texas from Toronto. The scenes are horrible! And the situation is made even more horrible by the current administration. (Who could think of reversing flood protection policy right before a hurricane?! Who could think of redirecting that money to building a wall when 40,000 homes need to be rebuilt!? Who could deny climate change while another so-called “100-year storm” devastates a city? I don’t understand what is happening in your country. Who gave all the ignorant, greedy people so much power?!)

The “Looking into the Future” piece–gah! I just sent my four kids to school and have bawled a few times a day for the last couple of days every time I read or hear about a mom or dad bursting their guts to grow, love, educate and keep safe their children.

Listening to The Moth podcast “Gestures Great and Small” where a Middle Eastern mom was trying to raise her kids in Civil Rights-era Ohio, hearing that her children were being mistreated for their homemade cultural lunch food, and then showing up with her amazing food cooked for her son’s entire class, including take-home flatbread! Then doing it the next day and again the next for the siblings’ classes! Such a kind and gracious way to teach children, but one also full of work and sacrifice. Parents, you amaze me.

“Yes, that “Looking Into the Future Article” was lovely. Oh, that last line! And, RE: what to say when people ask when you’ll have a baby. Years ago someone asked my husband this question at church. Without skipping a beat, he replied, “Ya know, we’re actually going to start trying tonight!” Since then, it’s been our go-to response.

Thanks for sharing the “looking into the future” article…really beautiful, and I found it so comforting to think about the future as the best parts of your present.