Design

Have a Fun Weekend.

Jerry and Elaine

What are you up to this weekend? On Saturday, Alex and I are sneaking off for a long bike ride, like we used to do pre-kids! I can’t wait to stretch our legs and see how far we can get. Also, thank you so, so much for the comments on this post. I felt so buoyed this week and can’t tell you how much that meant. Have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Tiny ballet auditions.

6 things I wish I’d known when I moved into my first apartment.

I’d love to bring this to my next girls’ hang out.

Whoot, whoot! The trailer for Master of None’s second season.

What a flirty dress for spring evenings.

Apparently, one behavior separates successful people from everyone else.

I’m a woman and I don’t want children.”

Pretty candles for a dinner table.

How to get kids to eat broccoli.

Nine amazing podcast episodes. (#2 sounds really great.)

Hahaha.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Jia on celebrity crushes: Paul Rudd! What a funny sexy stud. Plus, he must be a age defying Time Lord because look at pictures of him from two decades ago — it’s the same beautiful face.”

Says Rue on a personal note: “Our friends are there to show us we are not alone. I happy-cried when my friends welcomed their new baby this winter. And then, of course, I had that twinge. Here I am, dating in my 30s, feeling like a battered ship in a rejection storm. And here are my friends, living the beautiful sea breeze life, now with a perfect newborn. It’s what keeps me up at night: worrying that I’ll never have that version of a full life, the one with a partner and a baby. But I’ll Skype them this weekend, and they’ll tell me about what’s bone-achingly hard about parenthood, and I’ll tell them not just about the heartache of the single life, but also all the funny stories. They’ll have that little twinge, too, when I talk about deciding while heading out the door to eat dinner in a town an hour away, or when they think of the thrill of kissing more than one person in the past few months. But blissfully, we have each other, and they’re an anchor in my storm, just the way I suspect they see me as an anchor rather than a shipwreck.”

(Photo from Seinfeld, of course. Broccoli link via Dinner: A Love Story.)

  1. Hali says...

    The only part of the internet that I’ve really missed while on vacation this month has been your blog. For the first time in weeks I’m staying at a place with wifi and I hesitated to crack into the internet, knowing full well that I have a lot of unpleasant news to catch up on in the world. But opening your website gave me a dose of all the best parts of being home and being American! It’s a treat to catch up on things in the Cup of Jo world, and reading your personal note made my heart race, as I am genuinely concerned for your family and will keep you in my thoughts the way I do friends and family. It’s saddening but somehow relieving to learn that you also face private family trials. You have such great readers and such a great community around you, I hope it lifts you and brings you pride :) Anyways, thanks for the familiar bit of home and joy, and greetings from a California reader who’s currently loving life in Cornwall!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is so nice of you, hali, thank you! really means a lot. waving from across the ocean! :) PS i love cornwall!!!!!

  2. Oh my goodness, Rue’s comment. Rue, could you please be a regular contributor to my life? :)

    • Rue says...

      Sure! But believe me, I spend a fair bit of time furiously scribbling in a journal, trying to listen to the things I’m trying to tell myself.

  3. KL says...

    I can’t thank you enough for posting the article on taking initiative. Gave me just the kick in the pants I needed at work (and has already gotten me to provide feedback/ input where I wouldn’t have normally, and start a small project that I really feel will benefit our group)!

  4. Mallory says...

    Goodness, the readers here are the warm blanket and a cool glass of white wine I need in my cubicle on a Monday morning (A snowy Monday morning, after a weekend of 80 degree weather).

  5. I’ll moving to my first apartment soon so thanks for the link!

  6. Eliza E. says...

    I have SO been enjoying the diverse and inclusive posts here.

    I think, however, that the link to the ‘one’ behavior separating successful people from others totally runs counterintuitive to the culture of Cup of Jo. Here’s why:

    When I read the article, even as a white woman, all I could think was, “so you’re saying: success = privilege?”. The idea that initiating something will make you successful, not “average,” holds no weight once we account for gender, race, and SES, among other factors.

    The authors writes, among other things, “Most people only do what they are asked”; “They reach out to people, ask questions, make recommendations, offer to help, and pitch their ideas”; “Being successful requires being proactive and not waiting for life to come to you. It means you’re on offense, not defense. You’re active, not passive.”

    What if life comes at you and you’re exhausted or broke or sick of being told that your ideas are sh*t? What if you do what you are asked because you’re working 2 jobs to afford your rent and you can’t take the risk.

    My jaw dropped when the author, Benjamin, writes “Conversely, doing only what you’re told entails no risk and carries no responsibility. It’s playing safe.” If doing what you are told sustains your job which is woven into the daily risks inherent in socioeconomic injustice what does this even mean? The work and effort so many women, people of color, and LGBT individuals deal with on a daily basis makes the entire article so simple, too simple.

    It seems to me that in order to “initiate” (i.e., not “play it safe”) you must exist in a pretty safe environment. Today, many of us do not have that privilege.

    I can’t help but this of a sociologist, Annette Lareau, who studies how our upbringing colors our perception of success, effort, and agency. Here’s an Atlantic article summarizing some of her findings (though I highly recommend her book, too!): https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2012/02/explaining-annette-lareau-or-why-parenting-style-ensures-inequality/253156/

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you so much for your insightful note, eliza. i hadn’t thought of it this way, and i’m going to think about this a lot tonight. i really appreciate your taking the time to share your feedback and perspective.

  7. Sharon says...

    Oh how I love the kids debate! I find the reasons people choose to have children so interesting. And I often wonder about what our world will be like a generation from now when women of my generation are all in our 50s and have grown up knowing exactly how to protect/plan for pregnancy. I am 34 (divorced but recently engaged) and with each passing year I become more and more certain I am good with no kiddos. It’s not because I don’t think they are lovely at times. And I’m sure if one was plopped on my lap I would take to motherhood just fine. But as I get older, my life gets fuller and I realize how much I would have to sacrifice to make the space for a child. I think my younger self would have been more likely to just “go with it” (had the opportunity come up) because I didn’t completely understand what the other options could be.

    What I always remember when yet another well-meaning mom tells me how much I will regret not having children (I live in the south – I’ve accepted this is never going to stop ;-) ), is that they have NO idea what a life is like without children. It’s impossible for either side to fully understand the opposite. And as I’ve gotten older, I realize how no one understands and knows me as well as I do. ;-) Trust yourself, and take responsibility for your choses. — and truth be told, after a few glasses of wine, I’ve had more than one friend-mom tell me they would have been JUST FINE without the kids!

  8. Pauline says...

    As an unmarried 29 year old in a group of friends who are newly married and starting to grow their families, Rue’s comment hit home. Thank you so much for sharing it!

  9. Kathy says...

    Maybe a tech issue here…as of a few days ago, the format of Cup of Jo has changed on my computer (no changes to any other sites I visit) – is that related to something that changed on your end? Anyone else have this experience? Thanks!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thanks for the feedback! we haven’t changed anything except small random scripts here and there, which shouldn’t affect the format. would you mind letting me know what you’re seeing? sorry about this, kathy, and thank you so much for letting me know!

    • Kathy says...

      Hi, the content is the same, but the formatting is weird – wish I could attach a screenshot. Still looks normal on my phone, FYI.

    • Kathy says...

      update: just logged in, and the blog looks normal now!

  10. Sylvie says...

    Paul Rudd quiz! So much fun. I only got 13 right!

  11. Rue’s comment was just what I needed today. I feel like I’m in the same place in life she is and it’s always comforting to remember that the grass is always greener.

  12. Sam says...

    Thank you so much for sharing Rue’s comment. (And thank you, Rue, for posting it.) You’ve expressed exactly how I feel. I’m sharing it with my anchors.

  13. Christina R says...

    RUE. <3 <3 <3

  14. Enjoy your bike ride! It really is quite nice to go on a long bike ride… a nice workout without it feeling like one!!

  15. Sarah says...

    Rue!! What beautiful words! I needed to hear this, what a stunning perspective. I will carry it with me. Thank you.

  16. Jenn says...

    Rue’s comment brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful perspective on friendship… especially in those late 20s/early 30s when so many people are navigating their own (very different-looking) paths. I immediately shared her quote with my own two best friends.

  17. I just LOVE Rue’s comment! I have the same feeling about my girlfriends quite often- our lives are different, but we somehow seem to complete and complement each other. Enjoy your bike ride, Joanna! Love from sunny (finally!) London.

  18. CT says...

    As a 36 year old who has been married to a great guy for 12 years, I get asked about kids so frequently. My husband, not so much. Really never. I have always said “We don’t see it in our future right now, but we never say never” to encourage people to drop the subject. My reality of being a person who doesn’t want kids (most of the time) married to a person who doesn’t want kids has been challenging. I grapple with the thought that maybe others see my decision as selfish. I grapple with the thought that maybe there’s something inherently wrong with me. I grapple with the thought that maybe I’ll get to be sixty and then have a deep regret we never had kids. I worry that I’ll get to be eighty and have no one to take care of me and then chide myself for thinking about having kids just so they can take care of me when I’m eighty – that is selfish. I worry I’m missing out on a great joy. I worry my friends think I don’t like their kids and I go out of my way to interact and play with them probably beyond what is normal and then that leads to them saying “but you’d be such a good mom”. I worry my mother thinks I hate her because I haven’t given her a grandchild to love. But it doesn’t seem right to have a child just so my mother can have a grandchild. And then she got sick of waiting for a new baby to love and got herself a puppy. All together, I would say nothing is black and white and being a childless woman is a very gray area. Sometimes when people ask if I have kids I say “Not yet” in a kind of quiet, sad voice and that stops them in their tracks.

    • Sasha F says...

      I heard something lovely over the weekend: “those of us with kids in our lives”.

      A 73-year-old woman talked about this fondly. I realized she may not have been talking about her own (great?) grandchildren, but those in her community programs, friends’ kids, foster kids, neighborhood kids, etc. It seemed like a really inclusive and flexible way to talk about “all the joys they bring” angle but not assuming you MUST birth them. :)

  19. t says...

    choosing not to have children is an absolutely acceptable decision and one shouldn’t have to explain their decision. That being said, I think when someone encourages child rearing and/or suggests minds will change they are doing it out of knowledge that a parent-child relationship is one of the most magical relationships/experiences to be had. Correct, it won’t make or break a person’s life happiness but I have yet to meet a person who hasn’t said even though it is stinkin’ hard and there are moments of misery having kids is more fulfilling than not having kids.

    This morning I had the following conversation with my three year old:
    me: will you please try syrup on your pancakes? I know you will like syrup.
    him: no, i like pancakes a lot without it
    me: but seriously it is liquid sugar
    him: no.

    why was i trying to convince my three year old to eat syrup? because i want him to experience how good pancakes can be with syrup. (kid won’t try any condiments). it’s kind of the same thing for people that don’t want kids (and I was vehemently one of them until i was given an ultimatum in my relationship at 34 years old). yes, life is good without syrup but it is EVEN better with syrup even if it add calories and rots your teeth.

    • Karen says...

      It’s great that your kids bring you joy. However, you are speaking from a very biased position of someone who wants and has chosen kids, and that blanket statement of “having kids is more fulfilling than not having kids” just proves that you didn’t get the point of the article.

    • t says...

      Actually Karen I think you are misunderstanding my comment. I am saying that from those people I have met kids equate to more life fulfillment / meaning NOT more fun/joy.

      Also, I didn’t make a blanket statement. I specifically said “I have yet to meet a person who hasn’t said… having kids is more fulfilling than not having kids.” A blanket statement would be the statement you presented out of context. My statement is limited to those people who I have encountered and is factual to my experiences.

    • hita says...

      T, I am laughing at your anecdata!!! no one with kids would ever say ‘gosh, i wish i hadn’t had them’ because that would be the clearest way to be labeled a bad person. Not quite evidence of the awesomeness of that life choice. Plus, I hate syrup.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is so funny, T!

    • t says...

      This article explains my viewpoint on having kids:

      https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-than-being-happy/266805/

      Hita, trust me parents talk about how incredibly hard / miserable / painful / joyless parenting can be and I have no doubt that any of my friends would talk about regretting having children if they felt like that. In fact my first 6 months of having twins I TOTALLY felt like that and I talked about it frequently so although you are right some people might not admit to it I am confident that almost any of friends would admit it if they felt that way.

      I don’t think making the choice not to have kids makes someone selfish (in fact I think having kids is both selfish and selfless) and I don’t really care if people do or do not have kids – that is their decision. I am again just trying to explain why I think so many people make comments when one makes that decision, especially in their 20’s.

      As the Atlantic article says having a meaningful life doesn’t equate to more happiness (I can fully attest to this as I was trying not to lose my shit this morning negotiating over a dress or shorts for soccer practice) but sometimes priorities of meaning over happiness shift which is why I suspect people say that one will change their mind.

  20. Porkchop says...

    Rue, half your friends who are married will likely get divorced, so just remember that :) Their lives may seem perfect now, but everyone has their ups and downs in life.

  21. I love Rue’s comment. How insightful that she knows her friends would see her as an anchor, even though she sometimes feels like a ‘battered ship in a rejection storm’.

    Good friends are where it’s at.

    http://www.thislifeisbelle.com

  22. sahm of 2 says...

    The reader comment on being each other anchors blew me away. So incredibly true. So beautifully written.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i totally agree, such a lovely sentiment.

  23. Lillie says...

    I love your blog but Jo, that is quite possibly the least sexy dress of all time. The fortune telling book looks like fun though!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahaha i love the off-the-shoulder look so much though :)

  24. Greta says...

    Rue brilliantly articulates exactly what I feel often in life.

  25. Abesha1 says...

    1) Feeding babies: THIS is why kids don’t eat broccoli. Just steam some lovely plain broccoli until it’s tender, and hand it to your 9 month old. You’ll be surprised….. if YOU don’t have preconceptions about it, your baby won’t either.

    2) That dress might be cute, but “sexy?” Really? No way.

  26. Briana says...

    I was someone who really was on the fence whether they wanted to have a child or not. My husband was pretty much the same. We toyed with the idea of just being us forever, travelling, and all that.

    Ultimately we decided we did want to have a family, and had a baby girl. And it has been hands down the best thing that ever happened to me. The amount I love that kid is crazy and I couldn’t have ever imagined that becoming a mother would feel so natural to me. You have no idea this kind of love could even exist pre-baby. It is completely and totally unique, and completely and totally the product of getting to experience creating a human being out of your own body.

    I would feel sorry for myself if I lost it, but not if I had never chosen it in the first place. To experience that and lose it would be life crushing. But that is because I went through a crazy transformation having a child, both physical and emotional. Had we decided to never have children, we would have been perfectly happy and fulfilled. We didn’t feel like we were “less than” prior to our baby and we would have had a very wonderful life together.

    I feel like in a lot of the conversation around this topic it is coming off as a debate, but that we aren’t really comparing apples to apples. To me it is very much an apples to oranges kind of scenario. Pre-baby me without a baby would have been very happy. Post baby me with my daughter is very happy and can’t imagine life without her.

    • amanda june says...

      thank you for this perspective.

    • Yes! This is exactly how I feel.

    • mado says...

      myself if I lost it, but not if I had never chosen it in the first place. To experience that and lose it would be life crushing. But that is because I went through a crazy transformation having a child, both physical and emotional. ” this is the best comment. Definitely apples and oranges, and fulfillment is of course totally subjective.

      I have a friend who lube told me he has multiple dreams that he remembers every night, where he can fly, interact with people, travel, you name it. To me, that sounds exhausting and stressful. But to him, it made his life more fulfilling and rich. We really can’t ever judge from the other side.

  27. Podcasts are the best! Paul Rudd is the best too.

  28. I’m with you ladies! I’m publishing a post on my blog next week about why I don’t have kids. I’m not going to change my mind and that is ok.

  29. Nectar says...

    I never thought I would be so excited to check out new podcasts over the weekend!

  30. Sasha says...

    I think many people who don’t want children DO change their minds. My experience could be skewed because I’m a birth worker and have had many many clients who did just that. But the larger point is that how you live your life is your business, there are many ways to be happy and one shouldn’t presume to know something better about someone’s life than the person living it. I can’t imagine arguing with someone, or casting judgment about their decision to not have kids.

    • dhs says...

      YES

    • Rose says...

      Perfectly put, Sasha. Just exactly how I feel on the topic.

  31. Yay can’t wait for the second season of master on none, it was so good!
    xo

  32. Denise says...

    I do not want kids and I don’t have to justify. Also those pink candles are very pretty.

  33. Love the apartment post!!

    xx, Hannah

  34. MA says...

    The #4 podcast (The problem we all live with) was excellent. It should be required listening.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      can’t wait to listen! thanks for the rec!

    • Kaitlin says...

      Totally agreed–I wept while driving and listening to that one.

  35. I can’t stand it when people tell women that they’ll change their minds about having a baby! I had absolutely zero interest in having children and it made people so angry! Strangers even! The worst is that I didn’t change my mind, but I did accidentally get pregnant and decided (grudgingly) to keep the baby. (It ended up being the best thing in the world…I do not say this in any way to make it sound like this is a universal truth, I was just lucky to really take to motherhood and I got pregnant under good circumstances so it was easier for me than for many other women who find themselves accidentally pregnant.) Now, five years and three babies later I STILL get comments from people who think it’s hilarious that I was so outspoken about not having kids only to “change my mind”…and I still find it incredibly annoying. I love my children more than anything, but my life took a major left turn and it never recovered, and that’s still hard no matter how well things worked out.

    • Nicole says...

      This is a really interesting perspective and one that I think isn’t explored often. Thanks for sharing!

  36. that onion article! ha. i also love that topshop dress- so pretty!

    xo, brittany

  37. Those tiny ballet dancers are adorable. And excited to check out those podcasts!

    We’re heading down to San Diego (from LA) this weekend – taking a friend who has never been, hoping to visit the Carlsbad Flower Fields and the seals, and go to an opening weekend baseball game!

  38. Andrea says...

    I think the article about kids is the same one you see again and again and lacks nuance. I know a ton of people who declare their aversion to having or raising children who then change their mind. Or who want kids and then have a lot of apathy regarding that decision.

    Yes, our culture says there is one path and most people take it. Our bodies, as women, also conspire to push us on that path. I remember a huge flush of baby fever when I was 30.

    The article sounds to me like so much whining–I’ve decided X, don’t talk to me about this decision. A more mature approach might be to say I’ve decided X RIGHT NOW, not encumbering your future with who you are now. It also would sidestep the will you/won’t you dichotomy of this discussion. If we thought that opting out was acceptable, there wouldn’t be articles highlighting the minority opinion.

    • Brianna says...

      This, but I also think the general population needs to stop telling women we’ll change our minds. We might. We might not. I’m pretty firm in my decision not to have a kiddo. I’m also 34, about to turn 35. I’m not married. I’m not dating. Yes, I know I could adopt or have a baby some other way all by myself. Plenty of women do and I admire them immensely for that choice. I don’t want my mom, my grandmother, my aunt, my best friend, my best friend’s mom, my boss, my ex-boss who I have a great relationship with, or anyone else to make me feel less than because I don’t want to have a baby. I’m just getting settled in a career. I want to see the world. I want to see the rest of the United States. I know I can do all those things with a kid. I just don’t want to.

    • mary s says...

      I’m not sure what it’s like now to be a 20-something woman — I’m in my mid-fifties. I don’t have children, not because I made a categorical decision when I was young, but because I made a series of decisions all along the way that led to no children. I didn’t announce my childlessness and I didn’t get a lot of pressure or questions. When I did get questions I dealt with them. I do sometimes realize that I’m in a very small minority, and it”s a weird feeling. But I don’t spend a lot of time worrying about what other people think! I’m not sure if this is because I’ve always lived in large cities where there are plenty of people like me, or because my mom never pressured me in any way. On the contrary, I’ve always felt that my mom might not have had children if she’d thought about what she really wanted. She certainly wouldn’t have had four kids in 5.5 years if she’d had a better grasp on birth control! (The Pill came out after she had her fourth kid.) I’ve felt lucky to have a wider range of choices than my mom had. Not to be judgy, but . . . I wonder sometimes if younger women today are really aware what it was like for (middle-class) women before the second-wave feminist movement.

    • Jessica says...

      It’s a little insensitive to call it “whining” when perhaps it’s something you’ve never had to deal with on a regular basis and can’t quite understand. No one should have to justify their choice in the first place, let alone change the language they use to justify that choice in order to save face if for some reason they do happen to have kids someday. When a person asks if you have kids (because in my experience it is ALWAYS the person with kids initiating the topic) and you say “no”, the more mature and less intrusive approach for the other person would be to just leave it at that rather than ask “why”. If you don’t like these types of articles that is probably because they aren’t written for you, they’re for the rest of us who appreciate hearing that we aren’t alone in our frustration.

    • Lydia says...

      Sure, but people change their minds about everything. I declared that I wanted to be a teacher, went to school for it, got a job teaching, and then changed my mind. A friend moved to a big city a year ago and realized she is definitely a country girl. Humans are living things. We change. Life changes. That doesn’t mean we should have to qualify every single statement with “RIGHT NOW”. I can say that I love my job and not have people insist I add “right now” or say “I told you so” if my situation changes and I get a new job in 10 years.

    • Christina says...

      It’s interesting to me that you read this as whining – especially after the first paragraph where she accounted for the fact that it’s a difficult topic to write about without sounding ___ (fill in the blank with any number of negative adjectives). I think the point of the article was to say that for some people, this isn’t a “right now” statement, it’s a forever statement, and to challenge it by saying, “oh you just feel that way right now” is belittling to her decision. Why is opting out altogether not acceptable? At what point is her decision “final”? When she’s past menopause? (I’m truly asking, here, because I’ve read similar articles with similar commentary and I just don’t get it.)

    • Alexis says...

      I think we can probably all agree that we evolve as we experience life, and sometimes we change our minds along the way. I don’t think that is always important to point out when someone is sharing their feelings with you on very personal and important things, like the decision to have children or not. I have always felt that the most loving and respectful way to approach others is to truly listen, without agenda or judgement, and to meet people where they are right at that moment, in their own present. Hear them and believe them when they tell you how they feel; don’t invalidate or belittle their feelings by telling them they will probably feel differently later. Maybe they will, maybe they won’t. And either way is completely fine.

  39. As someone with a precious pup and cat, the “Don’t get a pet” section of the article “6 Things I Wish I Knew When I Moved Into My First Apartment” is very true! I love my pets, but daaaang – do I miss drinking after work and going on day trips!

    • I was going to comment the same thing! Every time someone tells me they got a puppy as a practice baby I think “but now someday you’re going to have a dog AND a baby!” Dogs are wonderful, and so are babies, but holy guacamole are they a lot of work when you put them together!

  40. Emily R says...

    I can’t wait for Master of None.

    I also don’t know if I want kids, or if I will have them. Thankfully I haven’t had to argue about this with anyone. Apparently I have more polite friends.

  41. Em says...

    Wow, that article on initiating to be successful was really thought-provoking. That’s something for me to work on, I find it too easy to just sit back and do my work “as I’m told” without taking ownership of anything.

    And I have to strongly disagree with Man Repeller’s advice about finding a nice apartment even if it’s not in a great location. I would live in a crap apartment in a great neighborhood any day, over a nicer place farther out! If I have to spend tons of time on trains and buses to get anywhere I need to go, I’m probably not going to go very much. And the neighborhood becomes part of your living space, anyways.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i agree about location being a huge priority, especially if you spend a lot of time outside in your neighborhood — makes such a difference to be in a nice spot. in my late twenties, we lived in the west village (awesome neighborhood) in a small, grimy apartment with mice, but they were some of the best years! :)

  42. Laura C. says...

    Have a fun weekend too, and let me say that this morning you made my day by sending that article about finding the right haircut for your face shape.
    I was smiling all the time but when I read “If your face is shaped like an infinitely particulate diaspora of sand and minerals, cast by wind and water across the bluffs of the cold world”, I almost spitted my café latte out of my nose.

  43. Jo says...

    It is crazy that the decision as not wanting to have kids is something that needs to be defended. Go Ariel for articulating your points so well. I am pregnant and excited to meet my first child – but I don’t see how not having children makes you selfish. Many people desire children, isn’t giving into that desire a bit selfish when the world is resource-constrained? It all comes down to people feeling the need to tell others how to live their lives (pssst it’s never a good idea!)

  44. Rebecca says...

    I don’t want kids either, and everyone keeps telling me I’m gonna change my mind. Which I will not! Thank you for that article.

    • Carmen B says...

      I hate when people tell me that. How dare they think they know my mind better than me?

    • Laura says...

      I’m in my late ’50s and never wanted children. My husband is a middle-school teacher and was fine with not coming home to yet more chaos. We’ve built a very satisfying life that includes family, hobbies, volunteer work, and travel. It totally works for us.

    • Lydia says...

      And why is that the one life decision everyone insists women will change their minds about? All day women say things like “I want to be a blonde” or “I’m going vegetarian” or “I’m moving to New York” and no one tell them they’ll change their mind even though most people who do those things DO change their mind. But say you don’t want kids and everyone has to share every story they know about someone who said that and is now a mom.

    • Jodi says...

      I’m 46 and also chose a life with no kids. I was pestered by all sorts of people about it for years and years. Strangely, it was more stressful for all of them than it ever was for me! I was clear about it from a young age and have never regretted my choice for a minute. It’s a different life, but a rich, fulfilling one – lightweight and flexible. Having others (or societal) pressure on you is frustrating and intrusive.