Design

Have a Loving Weekend.

French bakery

What are you up to this weekend? Alex finally got home from a long work trip, and I’m excited to have him back in my clutches. We’re having a family game night tonight (Guess Who! Zingo!), and tomorrow we’re marching in Manhattan. Sending a big hug, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Obituaries for teenage girls if they actually died when they said they were dying.

How fun does this sledding hill look?

Obama cracking himself up.

How to plan an affordable trip.

I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been and I just bought my first crop top.”

A freezer care package.

YES! What an awesome store.

20 small habits that can change your life. (Worth reading.)

Restaurant advice.

How to reclaim your creative confidence.

Hahaha, would you ever get one of these?

Plus, two great comments from readers…

Says Caitlin on 6 Great Podcasts: “I like to be able to listen to a full podcast episode on my 30-minute commute. Something I’ve found very helpful is the Overcast app. It has a feature called “Smart Speed” that shortens silences without any distortion. It also has the ability to speed it up as much (or little) as you’d like. I listen on the step just above normal, so rarely do I notice it being fast but I do make my way through episodes more quickly!”

Says Amber on feeling safety concerns at the Women’s March: “I think part of acknowledging privilege (for me, that’s the privilege I have as a white woman) and being an ally is our willingness to put ourselves in uncomfortable and sometimes unsafe situations. Our POC, trans, etc sisters feel this fear every day, just leaving the houses, going to work, driving down the street, going to the park with their kids. They don’t get to choose not to show up. They have to face that reality daily. So, how can we use our privilege to be allies? By showing up with them. By putting ourselves on the line and literally standing up with them. It’s scary, for sure. But that’s how change happens.”

(Bread photo by Veronica Olson. Habits via Swissmiss. Reader comments may be edited for length/clarity.)

  1. Maggie says...

    Love that you included Amber’s comment re: women’s march!

  2. ewg says...

    That urinal reminds me…
    Possibly the hardest I’ve ever laughed in a car, and the closest I came to being in a crash due to the laughter of my driving brother-in-law, was listening to the book on tape of Bill Bryson’s memoir where he discusses his family’s “toity jar” – link to excerpt here: https://books.google.com/books?id=g-N72cYV2aAC&pg=PT21&lpg=PT21&dq=bill+bryson+toity+jar&source=bl&ots=bR749cUSYQ&sig=e1CKi-dpsmiRMG2jHn2RJEWoyLo&hl=en&sa=X&ved=0ahUKEwjK-tGsgdnRAhUqjVQKHcgTCkwQ6AEINzAF#v=onepage&q=bill%20bryson%20toity%20jar&f=false

  3. Ashley Ford looks absolutely AMAZING. Love the crop top, her hair, her glasses, and – of course – her obvious sense of CONFIDENCE!

  4. Lauren E. says...

    Hope you enjoyed the march as much as I did. At one point we heard a chant of, “My body my choice” and then all the male voices in the crowd rose up and responded, “Her body her choice!” And it brought me to tears. A 100% peaceful protest and I couldn’t be more proud to have been a part of it.

    And on a lighter note, that Seinfeld episode is one of my absolute favorites. I’ve never waited more than 10 minutes at a restaurant without referencing it!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i LOVED that chant, as well! so bolstering.

  5. Emily says...

    Thank you, Cup of Jo team, for inspiring me to participate in the Women’s March! I was on the fence about it, as I tend to be a political introvert, and it was a game day decision. I went with my mom to one of the smaller Sister Marches. The organizers expected about 50 people to attend but around 1,000 marched–it was the largest recorded demonstration the town has ever had. Such a wonderful display of unity and compassion. Here’s to hoping the power of community keeps Americans cared for.

  6. I needed a laugh thanks for a list of the obituaries.

    Thanks
    Shruthi

  7. Meems says...

    I have been potty trained badoozled. I am the sucker who clicked on the link “would you buy one of these?”
    We have zero children.
    My amazon page is now bombarding me with “if you are interested in this urinal perhaps you would like one of these”
    LOL……….

    • A says...

      Lol

  8. It was so great to see the Camden Snow Bowl toboggan chute featured in the NYT! My two children and I braved it for the first time last winter, and the experience was such a thrill for us all (my 9-year old insisted we watch a few people go down before deciding to try it ourselves). Here’s the story of our experience, if you’d like to see: https://cutepotato.com/2016/02/03/camden-winterfest-our-wild-toboggan-ride/

  9. those obituaries are hilarious!!

  10. Abesha1 says...

    Re the urinal…. um, just keep a Mason jar in the trunk.

  11. Nice plan.. Have good weekend.

  12. I always love these Friday collection-of-links posts!

    xx

    bombshell-to-be.blogspot.com

  13. Melissa says...

    i bought the portable urinal because we had a long drive over the holidays. my 2.5 year old son is potty trained but VERY afraid of public restrooms where the toilets flush themselves. he refused to pee in the portable urinal (it was too confusing of an idea i think) and we ended up having to pee outside next to our car.

    • Meg says...

      I keep a stack of post it notes in my purse for stopping the auto flush feature and helping to create a better bathroom experience! If you cover over the sensor, you can usually prevent rogue flushing and wait until your little finishes his business before removing and flushing yourself.

  14. Kristina says...

    I’ve watched that Obama video about five times now – and will keep it on my list if I ever need a little something to put me in a better mood! Thank you for sharing it! I loved how his daughters laughed at the turkey-joke (so did I!). It makes me feel better that the Obamas will still be around – whether they live in the White House or not. Have a great Sunday and a good start into the new week! xx

  15. I have to say, after I’d just had my son and my daughter was almost 2 years, friends brought freezer meals. I can’t express how helpful that was and how comforted it made me feel when, in those hazy first weeks of motherhood, I knew I had dinner covered. And…it wasn’t take-out Thai. :). Freezer care packages and care packages of all kinds are The Best.

  16. Yes on delivering meals to those who you want to help but don’t know what to do. I’m married with 4 children and I have Lyme disease. When a flare-up hits my friends and neighbors are all hands on deck…I get a meal every other night. Not all of them love to cook, so they send us take-out. It lifts so much stress- BOOM, dinner on the table with paper plates. Give a meal, seriously. It means so much.

  17. Nora Romanoff says...

    Joanna, will you please keep posting Obama links? I want them to linger and remind us of just how good he was.

  18. Andrea says...

    That “sledding hill” is the toboggan chute across the pond from our home! We’ve had many a shriek inducing trip down! Yahoo for making the NY Times & YAHOOOOO for Maine!

  19. A says...

    I know I’ll be attacked for saying this here, but as I watch the march that you’ve talked so much about, I’m sad and disappointed. These people are touting love and unity, but are only showing and speaking hate. If you don’t share all of the values and ideals that they share, you are clearly not welcome there. I was so wishing that it would be something that would embrace our power and ability to believe what we believe and love each other regardless. Instead these people are spewing the hate that they supposedly stand so adamantly against. I don’t see any tolerance displayed today and it’s heartbreaking. Women are better than this.

    • Liz says...

      Could you tell us what you’ve seen? My family and I marched in Portland and it was a beautiful experience. There were for sure a few signs that I considered to be over the top but apart from that I didn’t see anything in Portland or elsewhere that was hateful. Im kind of scratching my head at this…

    • Lauren E. says...

      I’m so sorry that’s what you saw in the march. I was there (in NYC) and literally every person surrounding us was chanting messages of love. It was incredibly uplifting to be a part of it. Maybe if you’d actually been in the crowd instead of viewing it through a media lens you’d have seen that, too.

    • Mer says...

      I’m not sure what you were watching. I saw a whole lot of love.

    • Stephanie says...

      There were zero arrests and everyone who went says they had a fabulous experience. I tend to think all the criticism I’m seeing about it, such as yours, is basically code for “I’m a Trump voter and you’re making me feel bad about it.” By spewing hate, you mean legitimate, non-violent and constitutionally protected political dissent against the most unqualified, incompetent, and dangerous person ever elected to the Presidency. If you’re heartbroken by this, you better buckle your seatbelt.

    • A says...

      Just wanted to say there are two different “A” signatures in this comment section. I am the A that is pro-march. Don’t want to be confused with this one. I have been so encouraged by the marches. ❤

  20. Haha! – the potty! When we were young, wild and crazy (college days) we formed the concept of something similar. It was specifically for women – because you never know when you’ll be out in the woods and need to pee, right? Of course, it never came to fruition but the name was the best, the “Squat Me Not”.

  21. Are all of these best bits Obama videos making anyone else develop an even more serious crush on Barack Obama? And perhaps an even bigger one on Michelle? Hashtag WhatWouldMichelleObamaDo

  22. Libbynan says...

    Thanks so much for the article from the woman with PCOS. My 44-year-old DIL has been suffering with this since her early twenties. Of course she wasn’t actually diagnosed until her early thirties. This scourge is a true catch-22. It is one of the leading causes of infertility and yet its effects on your health often make it impossible to adopt. We need to diagnose earlier and find better treatment
    Also loved the story about the sledding tournament. So fun.

  23. I’m really looking forward to this post every weekend. Such a good compilation of links, thank you <3

  24. Marianne says...

    The obituaries for teenage girls is hysterical!

  25. Gabrielle says...

    Agree wholeheartedly with Amber’s comment, we need to show up anyway we can, and not only today. We shouldn’t be blind to injustice and it’s our own job to educate ourselves on these issues.
    If anyone is interested, the White Nonsense Roundup (WNR) on fb, twitter or here: https://www.whitenonsenseroundup.com is a good resource to start with, they offer essays, research, voices etc on structural discrimination and how to stand up against it.
    There’s no march in my city unfortunately but I am keeping everyone marching in my thoughts today.

    • Kelly says...

      Thanks for sharing this, Gabrielle!

  26. Emma says...

    I love that crop top post so much – having strong voices (like the author’s) speak about body acceptance and positivity is so needed in our current media landscape. She’s beautiful, and I’m so glad that she knows it.

  27. Phuong says...

    Thank you Cup of Jo team for the quote on privilege. I hope people are considering how this applies to them rather than just finding problems with it. It is time for women with privilege to be better allies. (And yes, you can be a woman and still have other intersecting identities of privilege.)

  28. Helen says...

    Marching with you in spirit from Auckland New Zealand. Thanks so much for standing up and being counted. Many marches around NZ today. Although not our president – we are all part of the same family. PS – last minute hope that the inauguration speech might reveal some humility, kindness and respect. But no.

  29. Cheryl says...

    Just wanted to drop by and say thank you for being a voice that I can relate to. I really appreciate exploring all the ideas that you and your team work hard to churn out. I want you to know I look forward to reading your blog every day. I know this probably sounds strange and brown nosey but you probably get some negative feedback every day and I figured this might cancel some of it out. Keep on keepin on.

  30. Suzanne says...

    Thanks so much, Joanna, for sharing the link to Obama laughing. This is exactly what I needed to watch this evening after the joyless events of the day. xoxo

  31. Meg S. says...

    The date night small habit reminded me that my husband and I started a monthly dating habit a few years ago that was inspired by you, Joanna! You posted about some interesting dates you and Alex planned for each other, so we began taking turns to plan an out-of-the-box date night (or sometimes day) each month for each other. We’ve gone kayaking underground in an abandoned mine, been on a historic haunted tour, laughed until we cried at a comedy club, discovered new-to-us musicians, had a private glassblowing lesson , rope-climbed 50 feet up in a tree, and hiked to a remote cabin for a Valentine’s Night dessert buffet, just to name a few. We’ll be celebrating 20 years of marriage later this year and this has become such a fun tradition for us. Thanks so much for the inspiration!

  32. Andrea says...

    That “sledding hill” is the toboggan chute across the pond from our home!! (Such a rip-roaring fun ride, I have squealed with fright going down the chute plenty of times!) And those three on the toboggan, team “WTA”, are my high school pals! Yahoo for making the NY Times! Maine is the best!

  33. Emmanuella says...

    I loved reading that “20 habits” article. I have the mental appetite of a type A person, so I want to implement all of the habits all at once and as fast as possible but I have the mental ability of a type B person so I’ll probably just end up doing one. Haha

  34. Loving the travel trips! We’re in the midst of looking at where to book for 2017 so much appreciated! I love these posts; you always find the best links!

    xo, Sofia
    http://www.thecozie.co

  35. Roxanda says...

    I will be marching with you in spirit tomorrow… from Austria.

  36. Jocelyn says...

    Zingo was one of our favorite games when my boys were little. At 12 and 10 we are on to bigger things, but our days of Zingo were so fun.

  37. Angela says...

    The crop top article was SO good. And also, that saving for a trip article? I totally just signed up for that Qapital app and I’m hoping it helps me save up for some stuff!

  38. That portable urinal would have saved me so many times over! I wish I had known about it a few years ago when my boys were younger and more prone to announce spontaneous potty alerts.

    • Alex G says...

      Lol same here!

  39. Kate says...

    Awww. Have a “loving” weekend yourself!

  40. Yessss to making homemade bread. I started doing it a couple of years ago but fell out of the routine. I have a bread recipe book I haven’t even opened yet! Thanks for reminding me to. ;)
    Also, yes to yoga, waking up an hour earlier, and date night. All things I’ve been trying to implement in this new year. :)
    http://www.wonderlandsam.com

  41. Liz says...

    FYI, women are not a privileged class. Women everywhere fear for their safety walking around during the day, in their homes at night, and everywhere else. They are neither safe from strangers nor from loved ones who may commit violence against them. This is really important to remember so we don’t drown out women’s needs in the effort to be more inclusive.

    • Jeannie says...

      I think thhe comment speaks specifically to women who are not white/dominant group: minority women, trans women, etc. And, minorities have it even rougher than white women, so it’s important to recognize that if you are in the dominant group. E.g. you’ve heard that for every dollar a man makes, for women it’s more around 70 cents. Well for women of color that number is even lower (60 cents and lower).

    • Jeannie says...

      Also, even groups that are dominantly white are not safe spaces for women of color. Consider that! It’s quite interesting, but absolutely true that I find myself very uncomfortable in non-diverse spaces (mostly white).

    • Hey Liz–that was my comment up there, and, yes, Totally. I agree with you. But I also recognize that I have a certain level of privilege as a white person. Intersectionality recognizes that different levels of inequality or prejudice can add up, and while I’m not a privileged class as a woman, I still acknowledge the privilege I have as a straight/cis/white person.

    • Karin says...

      Great point. My husband was teasing me because my friends and I are a little nervous about taking an unfamiliar train to the march–we have to board in a rough neighborhood. I pointed out that if he was a woman he would understand.

    • A says...

      Thank you Liz.

      I have been physically and verbally abused more than I would like to think about from both strangers and acquaintances. I have wondered if it is my learned habit of submissive and apologetic speech or my posture that makes me an easy target. This election cycle was a turning point for me when I saw people standing up against Trumps hurtful speech and actions. This year my “goal” is to become stronger in my speech and to hold my posture to reflect a growing confidence I have found. It will reflect what is going on inside. I thank every one who will be attending the march. I can hardly own or say the phrase “nasty woman” because I have felt the shame of similar words so deeply but I am so appreciative of people who can champion it for me. Thank you to everyone who is standing up against hate and bullying. It means so much. Thank you, thank you, thank you to every one who is standing up against fear and attending the march tomorrow. For ALL women and for ALL marginalized.

    • Kelly says...

      Liz, women do experience fear in many ways, and do have less privilege than men in society. However, privilege is not solely about that fear. Privilege encompasses how we are treated in all aspects of society and systems. Jobs, income, housing, sexuality, religion etc.

      Claiming all women are not a privileged class ignores some of the basic truths of lived experience for many. Please investigate “white feminism” or “intersectionality” to gain insight on how experiences as a white woman are vastly different than those of POC and the LGBTQI community in many ways, and how the perspective you’re sharing is exclusionary by ignoring these truths.

      Check out Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie’s TED talk or essay “We Should All Be Feminists”. I also highly recommend Ta-Nehisi Coates’ moving book “Between the World and Me” or George Packer’s epic “The Unwinding” if you’re interested in exploring other American’s experiences.

    • Lizzie says...

      Hi Liz, I agree with your questioning of blanket statements determining who is privileged and who isn’t. But I don’t agree that all women live in fear of violence, nor that the threat of violence gives us a special, desired victim status.

      The Karpman Drama Triangle may be a helpful model here: it describes roles: Victim- Persecutor-Savior. (Not so healthy.) Perhaps more preferable- The Empowerment Dynamic: Creator-Challenger-Coach.

      In this new political era, i think it is critical to know who we are and remember what we’re capable of. We must never let our adversaries define us!

    • Mary says...

      I’m not quite sure where you are coming from with this comment. The comment featured in the post, in my opinion, was certainly not meant to “drown out women’s needs”. Yes, women everywhere experience sexism, danger, violence against our bodies, and we need to continue the fight against this (believe me, the rage that I experience when I read about violence against women/sexism is like a burning fire that makes me want to scream). But that is not also to say that women of colour experience this in the same way as women who are white. To be a white woman walking down the street in America is very different than a Muslim woman walking down the street in America. It is recognizing that fear and violence is experienced differently as a result of your skin colour and religion, and that even amongst women, privilege DOES exist. I am a woman of colour, but I am not Muslim and I am not black, and while I have experienced the odd comment here and there on the street (“go back to China, for example”), in general, I do not walk down the street with the fear that someone might accost me or assault me for my religious attire, and that is in and of itself a privilege that I have due to my appearances.

      Anyway, I do not mean disrespect to your comment at all- we are all women and we are in this together, but that’s my two cents.

  42. Jona says...

    Spent this morning in despair over America but now I’m working on the first project for Ashley Ford’s Skillshare class using the cup of Jo coupon! Also any chance you’ll do an updated NY City guide? I’ll be heading there this summer and would definitely appreciate it!

  43. Amanda G says...

    Oh THANK YOU for that link to the Obama clips! I will miss that man so much, and I have always admired his humor and genuine nature. I’ll be pulling up this video for years to come :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      and i loved how his daughters laughed at his dad joke :)

  44. Amelia says...

    (Also, I love the comment about privilege and safety.)

    • Lizzie says...

      I dunno- do all POC really live in fear every time they go to the park? Seems very important not to exaggerate a person’s status of victimhood, especially based on their skin color.

    • Lizzie, good point, and perhaps my comment about privilege wasn’t totally accurate and was a bit of a generalization or exaggeration, that’s definitely not how I intended it. I’m constantly trying to learn and grow and listen, so thank you for your feedback.

    • Kash says...

      Also love this comment. Personally, I don’t feel that this message is about victimization; it *is* objectively more dangerous to be a POC than white person in the US. I tend to agree with the sentiment that, particularly after 53% of white women did not vote for HRC, white women have a lot of work to do. Putting myself in (at least) uncomfortable situations is a step I can take to show solidarity with my POC friends and challenge the comfort my privilege affords.

    • Lilly says...

      Lizzie, you may just want to listen to more POC then. Framing it as victimhood and saying it can be exaggerated is a bit over the top, as well – it’s a vulnerability, as a condition of our society.

    • Lizzie says...

      Hi Lillie,
      I work in very poor neighborhoods as a social worker; it’s my job to go into clients’ homes and literally several times a day to listen to women and men (“of color”, though I’ve never met a single client who’d use that term). I then try to figure out how best to meet their needs and connect them to available financial, emotional, medical resources. These home visits include a lot of housing projects, i.e. I am working with some of the most vulnerable members of society. So, your advice to me is a bit rich. I know you mean well. But these constructs, where I’m told I need to weigh out other folks’- and my own- skin color, wealth, gender, degree of privilege- all feel literally and figuratively academic to me. It feels superficial, and contributes to treating human beings not as the individuals they are, but as members of the category they fall into. When I listen to female people of color (to be more specific, mainly Caribbean American women and men) I have never once heard the dangers I’m being authoritatively told here are my clients’s concerns.

      I think evaluating these intellectual frameworks matters a lot right now. We just lost an election, and we shouldn’t have, right? How can we (that includes me, too) get better at our communication – get better at our listening and our messaging? I don’t think the practice of commanding others to listen more and telling others to have more empathy for groups other folks deem deserving is going to win us over a lot of new supporters.

      With respect,
      Lizzie

      “Our test is to march so that others will wish to join us.”
      H. Humphrey

      With respect,
      Lizzie

  45. Amelia says...

    Yeah Ashley Ford!! Love her. Great read.