Relationships

How Long Did It Take You to Fall in Love?

How Long Did it Take You to Fall in Love?

Once, not too long ago, I met a guy. He was kind and cute and sane. We had many things in common. (He’s a writer! He loves books! He wears cardigans.) I did not want to date him…

I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to date him, but I really, really did not.

Soon after we met, he asked me out, and the optimistic side of my brain — the side that believes in hope and rainbows and fostering meaningful human connections — made me say yes. But on the day of our scheduled meeting, my rational brain chimed in. I had no interest. I wasn’t ready to date anyone; I was still grappling with a breakup and I felt like a mess.

I apologized, then cancelled. Crisis averted!

A few days later, he asked me out again. I told him not much had changed.

A few days after that, he asked if I would like to get together.

“What is wrong with this person?!” I asked anyone who would listen.

“Psycho!” chimed a chorus of friends.

Three times he tried, three times I refused.

The fourth time, he came armed with a plan. “If you don’t want to date, we don’t have to date!” he said. “I just want to talk about books! Can’t we just be friends?”

This is how I was tricked into dating.

For our first non-date, we met for drinks at a dark and divey bar. We talked for hours. It felt a lot like a date.

“We’re not dating,” he’d reassure me, as he proceeded to plan the dateliest dates I have ever been on. There were dinners, with candles, drinks and dessert. Theatrical events requiring planning and tickets. Most perplexing of all, he would insist on picking me up at my apartment before each outing — no matter the time, no matter the weather — even when it was completely out of the way.

Weeks went by, punctuated by “friendly outings,” each more purposeful than the next. At the end of each non-date, we’d exchange a chaste hug and linger for a moment before waving good-bye.

“Are you dating anyone?” people would ask, and I wouldn’t know how to respond.

Our non-courtship became undeniably like the first half of When Harry Met Sally (minus that scene at the wedding; “Is someone supposed to be a dog in this scenario? I’m the dog? I’m the dog!”).

“Why aren’t you together?” friends would ask. “Don’t you like him? Don’t you find him attractive?”

Then one day, when I was finally ready to recognize the human-sized hole in my life, there was only one person who came to mind. Luckily for me, we were already dating.

How long did it take you to first fall for someone? Has it ever been faster — or slower — than you expected?

P.S. Date conversation topics, and a tip to keep the sparks alive.

(Illustration by Alessandra Olanow for Cup of Jo.)

  1. Anna says...

    This post I was keeping in my mind since I read it a few years ago. I’m single for 3 years now, not able to compromise and broken every time a relationship starts and immediately ends.
    Few weeks ago, a guy from the Pilates class at work found me on FB. He wasn’t my type, I mean, he reminded me of myself, and I’m not ready yet to be the male version of my dream guy. Anyway, we had two friendly dates, nothing romantic happened, but he continues to insist on a third one.
    I just came back from it, and I have butterflies. I know it’s still early, but because of people like him, I remember that there’s still such things as romance and belief in love. Even if it won’t work out, I know that there’s gold out there. You’re lucky that yours was right next to you at the right time.
    Thank you for sharing this story.

  2. Justhazy says...

    Gosh! This one resonated so much for me. I am currently seeing this guy, we are not exactly dating (by the usual standards), but we do dinners, movies and travel together. Just by ourselves. We talked for hours, part ways, immediately we text each other again, sleep and again text or somehow lunch. We are not seeing anybody else also because both of us are not ready to commit to a relationship. But things do get a little hazy around here these days.

    I am not sure if we should do THE talk soon. I kinda sense it is more than meets the eye. But I am not sure if I will risk the friendship.

  3. Justhazy says...

    Gosh! This one resonated so much for me. I am currently seeing this guy, we are not exactly (by the usual standards), but we do dinners, movies and travel together. Just by ourselves. We talked for hours, part ways, immediately we text each other again, sleep and again text or somehow lunch. We are not seeing anybody else also because both of us are not ready to commit to a relationship. But things do get a little hazy around here these days.

    I am not sure if we should THE talk soon. I kinda sense it is more than meets the eye. But I am not sure if I will risk the friendship.

  4. I fell in love with my husband without ever meeting him face to face or seeing him. In 1987, I was pen pals with quite a few people (pre-interent, of course) and some of us exchanged cassette tapes of us talking instead of writing letters. He sent me some tapes as his first correspondence, I listened and wasn’t impressed by that first hour. He sent about 3 hours more after I replied to him. I tossed them aside and didn’t listen for a little over 2 months. When I finally listened to them – BOOM – I fell in love around the end of the second side. We carried on a long-distance relationship for a little under a year and didn’t actually meet face-to-face for about 10 months, though we were sure we were meant for one another from the very start and talked about marriage, living together, and our lives long before meeting. I adore him and he adores me, and we’ve been together now for going on 30 years.

  5. Hambat says...

    That was cute.

  6. You all have great stories, but mine isn’t that great at all…
    I’m pretty much young and I love self discovery. I have dated quite a lot of guys but haven’t found that one with whom I connect with and I have never had the spark… I broke up with my x boyfriend cause I felt I didn’t love him anymore and I wanted to date someone I have known for long…I met my xbf in university, dating him wasn’t my will in fact dating any guy isn’t my I will, I always say yes out of the feeling of the other and not after my own feelings, which is wrong I know… We had a good relationship and still have, we are closer now than ever, even now that he needs me the most as he has cancer am there for him am the only one closest to him now…
    My present bf who I left my x for is a bit distant from me as we only see during school holidays as we are in different universities. I dont know if I actually love him, I find it hard understanding him we really do not connect this I understand cause our relationship have only been chat based, we can’t really talk on phone cause his school doesn’t support use of cellphone… The relationship is so boring that even chatting we run out of what to say and when I try to bring in new things it doesn’t suit his personality. He is in love with me that I know but there is something missing, I dont want to break up with him, break his heart and then discover that I was in love with when it’s late…I have many male friends and due to my awesome personality and looks most of them fall for me easily…. I dont even know who is genuine… It took me 2yrs before I said yes to my bf, I wanted the affirmation of the love but I think I failed to get an affirmation from my own heart…. I even contemplate sometimes to double date but something always stops me plus he has friends in my school that check up on me… We sometimes talk like 3 or four times in a week sometimes one, the when the relationship was fresh I used to miss him but now am used to not talking to him that even when he is online I dont have that rush to quickly reply him in fear that he would go off soon..something has changed BTW us and I dont know what, I really want to find out so it can work at least ..its my first time trying this long distance relationship and it’s going to be my last I think…

  7. Eric D. And Dana says...

    Well I’ve had the craziest year. I needed to write in a few places to give others hope. I met Dana via FB. She and I had a friend in common. I wrote and said I loved her smile. We soon were skyping, finally took a bus(local), to her place to hang for the day. We had already mentioned what if one of us wants to kiss the other? She was w a guy who was emotionally abusive, he owned house she rented a room in. After I heard and seen what he was doing I had no issue breaking it up. Well in 6 4 and 270, big dude, she is 6 ft, but thin. Beautiful. I seen her waiting at the bus stop for me. I was so nervous, as I hadn’t dated or had sex in over a year. I knew sex prob wouldn’t be now but anything else sounded like fair game. We had no plans but to go to her place for 8 hrs and talk, watch TV, etc. Well I get off the bus and I go to hug her, she grabs me and kisses me. She laughed and asked if I was okay, cause I looked unprepared. I didn’t expect her to make first move. We had already talked and skyped the whole month, so we knew alot bout each other. Eventually we were seeing each other 3-4 a week in no time. bigger kisses, sex, we became an official couple, some heartache, she has some mental issues she took meds for and when she came off them, oh boy, some bad real ups, till I learned how to react towards her. She had only a sister as fam. Everyone else was gone and some friends. I helped her anytime. Her friends like me alot. My family took her in. We now are at 10 months, moved in together and recently decided that marriage isn’t ready, but we are going to be married our own way, and are a couple for good. She is my future. I asked how long it took, she said well I didn’t say as quick as you, but our 2 ND day being together. Mine was end of first. Everything is so natural. People always tell us we look good together, look like we belong together, or look related. She has seen me turn down what she says we’re beautiful girls, but I tell her they are OK, but yr my beautiful. I have been engaged 3 x in my life. This is my first time falling in love for real. People always say we are lovesick for each other. I never tire of her company, but we know how to give each other space. The sex makes me feel 22 again. Mind melting. Thank God I finally found her!

  8. Hannah says...

    I knew my current love was special when he waited 5 dates to kiss me. A death in the family had me tell my family I thought he was special 1 week after our first date, my Mom scorned me for texting this new guy a lot, “In two weeks, you won’t know his name”, to which I replied, “I think he could be the one”. 1 year and a half in, let’s hope there’s many more years to come. I remember the first time he told me he loved me, like it was yesterday. Of course, I didn’t hesitate to say it back, it took 5 months of us dating but I wouldn’t change it for the world, I knew I would love him from the moment I met him. Oh love, what a wonderful thing. I love this post & reading all the lovely comments <3

  9. Here is my story. I’ve been dating a guy for a month now who I met online. On our first meeting was our fist date. Before we met, we talked on Skype. We talked for at least 5 hours that night ( we still do). He told me the other night that he was falling in love with me. He even cried as he told me. We are total opposites, but we just click. We talk about everything marriage, kids, our religions, etc. We had our first date. It was at a bookstore ( I’m a writer and an avid reader). We talked for 5 hours until he had to go to work. He kissed me on our first date and I got chills through my body. He even told me that he wanted me, to be with me. He told me he loved me and I started crying like a baby. He said, ” Krystol, I know you are falling in love with me too.” I just cried and cried. I asked so many people, can you fall in love with someone only after a month. Everyone was like, ” yea”. A couple people said that it’s too fast. But, every date we have gone on he pays, he opens the door for me, pulls out my chair ALL the time. This is new to me because I have dated tons of assholes, lol. But, this man, even said if I have to get surgery to let him know the days so he can schedule off! Where did he come from? LOL. He came over my house and I laid on his chest. I was falling asleep ( or playing sleep). I heard from say, ” Krystol, I got you. You are going to be my wife one day.” I felt a tear come down my face. He grabbed me close and kissed my head. He is definitely a keep and I look forward to continuing seeing him.

    • Danielle says...

      My current situation is SO SIMILAR to yours it’s uncanny! I met my current boyfriend on a dating app (Coffee Meets Bagel) on March 5th, had our first kiss on our third date (at night, under his umbrella in the rain–I literally went weak in the knees), and we made our exclusiveness official three dates later. Then a week later we were talking about the “L” word and I told him not to say it to me until he knew for sure he wanted to marry me. He said it an hour later and cried when I said it back (!!!!!). We keep forgetting we’ve only known each other for less than 2 months. We talk about how crazy it is that we knew so early on. People always say, “When you know, you know.” Neither of us understood that until we met each other.

  10. Claire Bou says...

    This is so sweet! How did tell him you were ready? He must have been so happy!!

  11. Em says...

    I’m really torn on this story. On one hand, cute! You took it slow, and when you were ready, you have this great partner!

    On the other hand, what would have happened if you had dated someone else? Would he have said that you owed him? Would you feel obligated to make him your boyfriend because he ‘invested’ all of this time and money in you? This feels like a ‘nice guy’ trap-type story, where the nice guys aren’t so nice after all…

    I mean, I’m really glad it worked out for you, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been guilted into dating someone because they ‘invested’ in the ‘relationship’.

    • Kate says...

      Time out, time out. With all good intentions, I just want to say that you are not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to date, or make anyone your boyfriend unless you want them to be your boyfriend. If they are pulling those kinds of claims, they don’t deserve your affection! Kick them to the curb. I’ve dated a couple of guys who were difficult to break up with (they just KEPT coming back), so the sooner you know you don’t want to date a person, the easier it is to get out.

  12. Nicole says...

    I loved reading this short article and all the comments with people sharing their love stories. It made me think about how quickly I fell in love with with my husband. I would say my first realization was when I called him at one in the morning after my cousin’s wedding. I was talking too loudly and woke up my sister up in our hotel room. Instead of getting off the phone, I went into the bathroom and sat in the tub and continued to talk. 30 minutes later, my sister came into the bathroom and told me I was still being too loud, so I went into the stairwell down the hall and talked to him until 5 a.m. That was about a week after our first conversation and three days before our first date. After our first date, I told him I was awesome and that he might fall in love with me. I know, I’m so freaking modest. And then I told him not to tell me he loved me unless he meant it. Which is a WEIRD thing to say to someone after your first date. Except I I knew I’d already fallen in love and didn’t want him to break my heart. (I had just come out of a REALLY BAD relationship.) And then he said I love you like two weeks later. And I was still too nervous to say it back. Actually, I think what I said was “Are you serious? I told you not to say that unless you really mean it.” When he said he did really mean it, I said, “see, I told you I’m awesome.” And then I was a jerk and didn’t say it back. But eventually I did. And here we are nine years later–married with a baby.

  13. A says...

    On and off – 17 years. We fell in love when we were barely teenagers, then grew apart and barely saw each other for 15 years. Then we reconnected and we knew within weeks. Funny how that happens!

    • E says...

      Hi A,

      Nice to see your story is different from the majority. How long have you been with your SO? Are you married?

  14. Abby says...

    This is the first time I have been compelled to post a reply, but your story was very moving and relateable to me. A few years ago, a boy fell in love with me, and I was never able to figure out why. Since he always tried to sit with me in class and around (this was high school), we became best friends. For nearly four years he was in love with me, until evening of senior year a good friend of our families passed away. We leaned on each other through the hardship, and in those dark days I realized that I too loved him. He was already my best friend, and although it started with something tragic, I couldn’t have asked for a better beginning to our love story.

  15. Siobhan says...

    Caroline, I love the way you write.

    I read your break up post around the time I broke up with my ex boyfriend and found it beautiful and relatable. I’m happy that you’ve met someone who wanted was clever and patient enough to take the time to convince you ;-).

  16. Robyn says...

    For years I went through the dating game….friends of friends, speed dating, internet dating (SCARIEST SIX MONTHS OF MY LIFE) and even a very crazy stint on Tinder (don’t get me wrong, it works for some, just not for me) without any luck….AT ALL!

    Then I headed to Lesotho for the weekend to help out on a community project I had heard about and BAM! I met the most amazing man I have ever had the fortune of laying eyes upon. He is seriously straight-out-of-the-movies….which is quite funny because he was a film maker.

    To me it was instant. Since we discuss everything I asked my boyfriend when he knew he loved me. He said it was the moment that I asked him to sit with me and look at the stars (roughly 48 hours after first saying hello to each other)…..cue the gooey feelings!

    As a sworn realist, it blows my mind how quickly everything has happened….but it just feels right. Completely right!

  17. Sorry to be “this person”, but my husband and I fell in love at first sight. (Ugh, I KNOW.) I was living in Greenpoint and he was in London, but visiting a mutual friend who also lived in Brooklyn. We met one night, and that was basically it. He was only supposed to be in the city for a few days, but our friends and family pitched in to extend his ticket, and he came to stay with my at my apartment. We did long distance between New York and London for three years before getting married at Manhattan City Hall, then I moved to London for three years, and we’ve just returned to the States! It’s been a pretty adventurous relationship so far, and I feel so lucky to have met him.

  18. This is such a cute story. Love the When Harry Met Sally reference (:

  19. katelyn says...

    Totally agree with all of these comments! This is how my husband and I ended up together. Our freshman year at college before we even met, a mutual friend insisted that we would get married. After we met, we were absolutely just friends for YEARS! Everyone asked and we always said that we were not into each other that way (which was true). Before I graduated I asked him if anything would ever happen between us and he said no, that he didn’t ever want to get married. I graduated and said goodbye. We didn’t talk for 8 months and one day he called me to say that he missed me. We started a long distance relationship. Now we are married and have a baby! Being friends first is the best way to get to know who someone really is without all of the “feelings” getting in the way! :) Congrats!

  20. Not sure if this makes me immature, idealistic or romantic but the truth is, if I don’t fall in love (or lust, whatever) right away, it’s not gonna happen anytime later. It’s like, either there is chemistry or not. This is quite childish of me – I even consider dating a waste of time unless I’m already mad about the person, even if just only physically attracted. Well, no wonder I’ve always been single, always fell in love with the wrong people, because I fell for them before I got to truly know them. I guess that passion is that one ephemeral thing that makes us feel alive… Love is harder to find, maybe. Don’t know.

  21. Oh my goodness such a cute post <3.

    Was never tricked into dating anyone before haha.

    With Thomas, we ended up together and even married way sooner than rational-ole'-me would ever have imagined. That being said, we talked so frequently when we first me that it was like condensing years into months. Ah, the good old days!

  22. Kern says...

    this is almost exactly how I got together with my husband. A persistent friendship turned into a truly great love and partnership. We had our first son two days ago, and seeing him become a dad made me fall in love with him in a whole new way. What an adventure!

  23. Samantha says...

    My bf and I met at work. We both worked the night shift and finished at 2am. Someone would always give me a ride home, but he was the cutest one and didn’t live too far away from me, so I started waiting for him to finish and give me a ride. We really enjoyed each other’s company so we would go out, but not alone. Until one day we went on a non-date and he kissed me :) We’ve been dating for two years now.

  24. ceciel says...

    Caroline, you’re killing me. How sweet and…I didn’t think I was a romantic but after reading this, I’m all verkelmpted (sp?).

  25. Daniela says...

    This story is so relatable to my own! It took about five years unsure about how I felt about him and consecutive friend dates to finally figure out how much I love my best friend. We have now been together for two years :)

  26. Erin says...

    This is exactly how I ended up married to my husband. I insisted we weren’t dating up until a week before he proposed. When people ask us how long we were together before getting married, we answer differently. Still, not having that pressure meant he tricked my tricky heart into falling in love with him. For the record, my mother thought I was crazy to “not date” such a wonderful man, and she was totally right (don’t tell her.)

  27. Ah!!! So sweet! I love it :)

  28. I love this! I have found myself ‘not dating’ a number of people in the past, which involved everything from full day outings to a national park, to visits to the Opera; and my friends always found it highly suspect. Most of the guys remained just friends, and I thought that my manfriend and I got together in quite a classic manner … until I realised that before he asked me out, we’d already known each other for a year!

  29. When someone wants you for nothing but your soul then you know you have met the one :) Hope I have a story just like yours.

    Shruthi
    http://nyambura.co

  30. Michelle Avitia says...

    I knew I loved him when he and I were on a break. We were in a long distance relationship that lasted about a year and half-way into that time he broke up with me. He was depressed and there were many loose ends that he had to tie up on his side, such as: giving his ex-girlfriend closure, beginning a relationship with his mother, getting closure over a friend’s death. We didn’t speak for a month a half and in that time he was seeing a therapist. Instead of allowing this relationship to end, I remained present. I told him that I would be here for him, waiting on the other side. We reunited during Christmas, and one night in bed together I told him I loved him and he reciprocated my feelings.

  31. Benay says...

    It took an hour for my husband and I to fall in love. I swear it’s true. That night I went home and gushed all over my diary — I actually have the actual text copied into our “Love Story” photo album. From that night on we were completely inseparable and officially declared our love about two months after we first met, though we both admit we waited so long to say “I Love You” because we didn’t want to panic each other. :) We’ve been married 7 years and going strong! People sometimes tell me that it takes years for a couple to fall in love, but I insist that when you know, you know…you just have to be honest with yourself. I think that part can be really hard.

  32. Emma says...

    I love that falling in love happens in many different ways. I’ve fallen in love twice, both times very quickly. The first time convinced me that I’d found my mate for life, and we moved in together with in a couple of months, both very confident that this was it. But when the initial spark and passion fizzled a year later, we discovered that we weren’t very well suited for each other, and split. The second time, the same spark and passion and excitement was there, but with an underlying feeling that we’d known each other for years. He quickly became not just a lover but a very dear friend. It’s great to have a bud to kick it with all the time, but whose clothes you also want to tear off on a regular basis! Love is great, and those of us who find it are lucky, however it happens.

  33. Kimberly says...

    I loved this story so much! Please do more posts on love, finding it and keeping it. I am in my early 30s and dating in NYC and these kinds of posts give me hope for the future.

  34. Lol. That is so funny. And great. I’ve been in love with a few guys. Each love a different experience, feeling that is. But with my husband it’s especially different. It was fast. It was the full experience. Best part is the love evolves as time goes on.

    PS if I hadn’t of been into a relationship with him right away he totally would pulled the let’s be just friends and go on amazing ‘nondates’ strategy.

  35. RubyRam says...

    Chemistry is what will make you two still want to tear each other’s clothes off when the baby has been crying all night, a stressful deadline is looming, he hasn’t made dinner in weeks, etc. If chemistry is absent from the first days together, it won’t materialize in a few months or years.

    I went for the guy who was amazing but didn’t make my knees weak. I married him, I had a baby with him. I still love him, but as a friend, and I longed for the crazy chemistry that makes the world stop when you’re kissing. I don’t regret any day of our 10 years together, but I couldn’t imagine spending my life with a good, comfortable friend. I jumped the cliff and found the man that makes my heart beat out if my chest in a single look and who I want to make love to every single day, even when I’m exhausted, when we fought, when I’m sad or stressed. It’s been one year and I would not turn back.

  36. HAHAHA! He’s a tricky little things ;)

  37. Michelle says...

    Thank you for the fun article and the equally touching comments. There are so many different ways to fall in love. Mine was swift but peaceful and sure. The first time my now husband and I were ever alone together we stayed up all night talking. Within a week we knew we wanted to be married. He was the first man I had ever dated who was not in the least afraid of commitment. We were married five months later. Fifteen years of marriage later, and with some truly challenging life circumstances under our belt, I still pinch myself that I get to be married to him. Love is a beautiful adventure.

  38. <3ing Caroline's stories and writing!
    Good luck, darling!

  39. I have a feeling this is exactly what’s about to happen to me. I’ve basically done everything I can to scare him off (read, I’ve told him my life story without sparing details) and he’s not worried at all. The thing I hesitate most about is…he’s young. Six years my junior (and not quite old enough to buy his own alcohol). I know in a few years, it won’t matter at all, but right now it seems like a pretty big deal. Do you or Joanna or Lexi have any advice? Perhaps you could write a blog post, “Would you ever… date a younger man?” that way I can get your advice, plus the advice of all your great readers. Help a sister out :)

    Love to you all.

    • Sally says...

      Would it matter if you were the six year younger person?

    • I think I could once they were 21. I hang out with alot of people younger than me due to my business. It seems to me they really come into their own somewhere between 21 and 22. I don’t think it has to do with the drinking aspect but that they are out of high school long enough to be who they really are and know what they really want out of life. Even if they don’t know what to do with their life.

    • teegan says...

      I met my husband when he was 30 and I was 22.5. It felt like a big-ish gap (especially because he teaches high school seniors). Now, seven years later, it’s nothing at all (except some great jokes at each others’ pop culture references!)

    • Cindy says...

      I’ve been dating a man for almost 8 months now and he is 11 years younger than me. Granted, we are both well over 21, but the age difference just doesn’t matter. If he was ready for a full blown commitment, I would not hesitate to jump in. Unfortunately, for me, he isn’t ready and this relationship is not destined for a long journey.
      I say if he makes you feel like the most cherished woman on earth as well as makes you want to rip his clothes off every single minute, GO FOR IT! Life is too short to waste a single moment. Good Luck!!

    • Zoe says...

      I met my boyfriend on my 30th birthday, I was having a big glamourous night out and my housemate was going out with his friend. He’d just come back from a long trip overseas the day before, and his friend dragged him out to the party. He was only 24 at the time, and while I thought he was really cute I didn’t think it would go anywhere. I was happily single and really not interested in a relationship, and he was so much younger than me, but he was nice and sweet so we spent a lot of time together – with me repeatedly telling him we were just friends!
      After about 4 months he finally took me at my word that I wasn’t interested and didn’t call me for a few days. It took this for me to realise how much I missed him so I called him and made him ask me out on a date. We went to a Coldplay concert the next week and I realized I loved him.
      Don’t worry about the age difference, if he’s the right guy it really really doesn’t matter. We’ve been together nearly four years now, with a house and a cat and a puppy. Life is pretty great, and I’d be missing out on so much if I’d listened to myself that he was too young.

  40. Oh my goodness, I love this. Way to be persistent, Guy You Weren’t Dating! I can relate, though. I had broken up with my boyfriend only a few weeks before I agreed to go to “late-late-lunch” with my now-husband (that’s what he called our dinner date since a “lunch” was all I had originally agreed to). After dinner, we walked around the National Mall in Washington, D.C., and it felt like I had known him for years. It freaked me out that it went so well. So much so that I almost didn’t agree to a second date! I’m so glad I did. :)

  41. Natasha says...

    I have been reading this blog for years and have never once commented but having read your break up blog I am really glad things worked out for you. i read the blog when I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and its helped a lot. I am going out tomorrow with a new man, who I also did not want to be dating at first. Thank you for sharing this heart warming story!

  42. Katie says...

    Caroline, you are SO funny. I am not a big LOLer, but I literally laughed out loud when I read ““We’re not dating,” he’d reassure me, as he proceeded to plan the dateliest dates I have ever been on.”

    So funny!!!!! I wish we were friends, you are great. And kudos to Joanna for hiring you.

  43. Claire Rush says...

    Cutest. Story. Ever.
    Seriously loving this.

  44. Danielle says...

    Caroline, I always enjoy your pieces and the way reading them makes me feel like I’m catching up with an old friend over a glass of wine!

    I fell for my husband in a similar way, in that I was opposed to dating after a fiercely shattered heart. So in the unlikeliest of moments, we met and he swept me away in a way that was so unlike my nature- spontaneous, quick, without looking back. Best surprise ever, and from the first moment it’s always felt so natural and normal and right!

    Sending you lots of luck and love :).

  45. Emilie says...

    I love this post so much that I had to comment! I would love to read more of your writting :)

  46. Samantha says...

    This is exactly how my boyfriend and I started dating. 7 years ago!
    We met or very first day of college. He was in ROTC and rushed a fraternity and was just so not my type. I was an art major with tattoos and purple hair.
    Thankfully he was persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer, because he is perfect for me.

  47. Rachel says...

    This is such a cute story, and I am really enjoying reading the comments! My story was so different to everyone who has said that their relationship started with friendship. I bumped into my partner five years ago, and so began four years of dislike! Although he would always smile and say hello when we saw each other (we had a similar social circle and often crossed paths) I just didn’t like him at all! Then for some unknown, but ultimately wonderful, reason, one day I returned his smile and we spent the whole night talking. It’s now been over a year and I’ve never been in such a loving relationship. We alway joke that it’s a fine line between love and hate! Xx

  48. Anna says...

    Ha! This is the story of my husband and me. What a Wonderful story of how love catches you out!!

  49. julie says...

    I met my husband sophomore year of college (he lived down the hall from me in the dorm!) I was friendly with him, he was in my circle of friends, but had zero romantic interest in each other. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend. Fast forward 4.5 years (we were in separate grad schools) we reconnected and both fell in love hard! It was totally unexpected. We were engaged 10 months later and married less than a year after that. !! So I guess it took a long and short amount of time for me.

  50. Mandy says...

    Caroline, this is the best post EVER! I love your writing. I was grinning ear-to-ear like an idiot. So cute. The best. Can’t wait to hear more stories from you.

  51. Jessica Hitchcock says...

    Love this post! There’s nothing like a good love story.

  52. JP says...

    Oh my goodness, this is so timely! I’m going through this exact situation right now! I actually started crying while reading this, thank you :)

  53. Esther Schwartz says...

    “Psycho!” chimed a chorus of friends.
    LOVE this line! Cracked me up… true true true

  54. Natalia says...

    Love this post!

    It’s sort of what’s happening to me right now. I met a friend five years ago, never thought I would be falling for him (I was in a serious VERY long term relationship), but we have so much in common, we just click!

    This really touches all my strings.

  55. I love your story Caroline! Good for him being persistent – so sweet.
    When I met my husband, I knew by the end of the evening that I wanted to marry him, but also felt insanely grateful just to have met him, be his friend, and know he existed. Even though it was a long time before anything was official, the whole time we were just friends (in separate countries, mostly) was so happy, even though I was always hoping and waiting for the next thing (which felt completely inevitable). I found out later he had been hoping to meet me and knew he wanted to get married too. Our 5th anniversary was in September and we’re expecting our third baby!

    • Jennifer says...

      <3

  56. Kelley says...

    Sounds like a special guy…

  57. Nikki says...

    i love this story <3

  58. michella says...

    Beautiful post! My husband pulled something very similar. I love that he knew our potential before I did and, just like your beau, he calmly figured about a way around me talking us both out of it. Best of luck to you!

  59. I love this piece. Caroline, you are SUCH a good writer.

    • Caroline Donofrio says...

      Thank you! xx

  60. Juliana says...

    I read your blog every day — just had to say, this is one of your best posts – SO well written!
    xo

  61. Jody says...

    This was such a good read, I had to read it twice!

    • Darcy H says...

      Very well written.

  62. Love this post! Everyone falls in love in such different ways. It’s been awhile for me, I actually had to stop and count the years since I fell in love with my husband (18!). It happened very quickly. We actually did date, but it didn’t feel like dating, not in the way we we grew up to think. It was just 2 people hanging out having great conversations. Then it just naturally evolved into a relationship with fights and tears, misunderstandings, deeper connections, and strong attachments with each other and all happened within only about 3 months. That’s when I knew that this was it, no one could make me laugh as hard or feel special and smart and cared for and I still believe that now, even more so, actually, if that’s possible.
    Great post. Falling in love is probably the single best thing to happen to a person.

    • what a sweet and beautiful comment and story <3

  63. Sounds familiar! I had dated a barista from my local coffee shop for about a year. A while after we broke up, I reconnected with one of his co-workers/friends. I did not want to go down that road again. We non-dated for a bit (We saw Up! and ate pizza! Shoulda known then.), the I finally caved.

    6 years later, we’re married with a toddler. Hold on tight, lady, it could be a wild ride!

  64. What a lovely story :)
    With me, it takes me a while to warm up to guys which is why I will accept dates from guys I have lukewarm interest in… I want to get to know the person better before deciding if I’m interested or not.

    When it gets to the point where we have chemistry AND they seem decent and trustworthy, I tend to fall hook, line and sinker.

    – Lubna | The Digital Review

  65. Mariana says...

    Reading this was like watching an amazing romantic comedy! And with a happy ending!!! Thanks for sharing. X

  66. Jenny says...

    “This is how I was tricked into dating.” – what a charming and funny account. Love it!

  67. Michelle says...

    So cute – although this reminds me more of the second half of You’ve got mail – where they just “keep running into each other” until she realized that he’s the one she wishes she was in love with… sigh… :)

  68. What a cute story! I met the love of my life at an airport for 5 minutes in 2012.
    He emailed me minutes after to say “You look like my future wife. And if that’s out of line, let’s just blame it on the jet-lag.”
    I figured it wasn’t too out-of-line and we got married in November.

    Rocky Mountain Decals – Cute Wall Decals for kids, and kids at heart!
    http://www.rockymountaindecals.ca

    • This is ADORABLE! Congratulations!

  69. Emily. says...

    hey caroline…
    so happy for you! he sounds perfect. I think we are all dying to know HOW and WHERE one meets someone who defies all current stereotypes of guys these days. please share!

    • Ksullivan says...

      Yes, please. It’s been a dating desert! And, I’d love to hear where peeps are with online dating. I’m such a fraidy cat about it!

  70. lauryn says...

    Love this post. I had just about the worst (and most nonexistent…) dating track record up until my current boyfriend. We’ve only been together for a little over six months as an official couple but we had been friends for close to three years before it finally became apparent we meant more to each other than just friendship. It took living together as roommates (two separate times, two separate cities) and going through ups and downs as friends before we realized we actually quite liked each other. Now, I can’t imagine life without him. It feels like he’s been a part of me for so long. I think building a solid friendship before diving into a relationship is so key nowadays with the fickleness of life and the world.

  71. Caroline, this whole post made me smile from beginning to end! So happy you’ve found someone that makes you happy, he sounds like a sweet and thoughtful (and persistent!) guy!

  72. We were 15 and 16 when we started dating. He wasn’t my first boyfriend, but he was the first whom I didn’t get sick of after about a month. I was smitten pretty quickly, but even at 16 I was super practical and not the type to just blurt out “I love you.” He was on our high school football team, and one game he was laying on the field with an injury. I said very quietly under my breath, “I love you” while I watched them carry him off the field. My best friend heard me and gave me the most shocked look. I was shocked myself! I never said anything about it to him, but he ended up telling me he loved me a couple weeks later. This was about four months into our relationship. We got married 7 years later and have been married 5 years. <3

  73. Irene says...

    I loved your story! I met my husband in college and he was someone I would never date, but after almost 10 years of growing and maturing, we met again at a friend’s wedding. I had just gone through a messy breakup and was not ready to date. I was even wearing my old glasses. But I’m so thankful he took the chance to ask me out (I hesitated for a week before saying yes!), and slowly but surely we fell in love. Now I see how all of my bad breakups and old boyfriends taught me how to discern what was really important in a life partner. :)

  74. My husband and I started off like this except slightly less romantic, there weren’t really fancy dates involved but lots of social outings and a meaningful friendship and me turning him down several times until he went on a surf trip to Barbados and suddenly while he was gone I realized I wanted to date him. One month into the “dating” I moved across the country, one month after that he came to visit and we officially fell in love and decided to commit to a relationship, 3 months after that we randomly got engaged in Las Vegas and were married at a big fun party 9 months later. We’ve been married 4 years now, we have 2 children, I love comparing us to When Harry met Sally and I love reminding all of my girlfriends that you don’t always recognize the sparks flying instantly. I think with us I slipped into the most comfortable and obvious partnership without seeing it. It was just so natural and effortless it was hard to notice and then suddenly I looked up and realized I’d fallen deep, deep in love in a way in which there was no turning back, this was home.

  75. Dee says...

    I have a somewhat similar situation to how I started dating my husband. I got out of a really ugly relationship 8 months prior to us meeting and he was ready to date me pretty early on and I told him I wasn’t ready for a relationship. Every weekend he wanted to hang out and I did too but I was so scared to put a label on anything for a long time because I was really just enjoying getting to know him and hanging out with him. I feared a label would destroy us. Eventually after several attempts of asking me to be his girlfriend I finally gave in and took a chance. We had been “dating” for months as it was. I’d say it took me a total of 5-7 months to fall in love with him. I was just so cautious this time around. But once it happened I knew I was stuck for life and he was IT for me.

    • Caitlin Ashley says...

      I had the exact same experience! I found a quote that nicely summarizes the dating relationship portion of my life with my husband: “Sometimes love isn’t firecrackers. Sometimes love just comes softly.”

  76. Juliet says...

    I knew the love of my life as a teen. Our families were friends and he is much older than me. I observed him for years and thought he was the most handsome and respectable man I had ever had the pleasure of meeting. When I was 18 I fell hopelessly in love with him and 7 years later he told me he felt the same. We had a love affair that would make the most sappy love story weak. But less than a year later our relationship was torn apart by an unfortunate circumstance within his family. Every day for the next 9 years I thought of him, dreamt of him, longed for him. We stayed connected periodically throughout the 9 years but never excahnge sentiments out of respect for his situation and after 9 years of not giving my heart to anyone else, he reached out to me and said that he couldn’t live another day without me. We have been together since. I believe the love we have for one another is experience by few in this life. A love for the centuries. The one man I was born to love forever.

    • julie says...

      wow, this sounds like a great book waiting to be written!!!!

  77. When I first met my boyfriend, I wasn`t interested in him at all. I didn`t want to date someone and I never thought of dating him. We went for a drink for a few times and talked a lot. Actually he talked a lot! And… I liked it! Well after some time I realized that I like him!
    We`re now together for over 4 years! And in my opinion, you shouldn`t search for love, because love will find you! At least in my case it was like that :)

    http://www.carolinespassion.wordpress.com

  78. Maria says...

    Hi Caroline.
    I don’t know if you are going to read my comment after 200 of them, but still I couldn’t not write. My boyfriend left the house where we were living in on Sunday night. I was totally in the dark and didn’t see it coming. It was a complete surprise even for friends and family. A truly happy (I thought) three and a half year relationship ended in the most unexpected way.
    This was almost there years ago and I still can’t date. I totally understand when you said you were not ready to date and I am really happy that he didn’t gave up on you. Thank you mystery boy for making Caroline happy again and for making me believe that one day someone won’t give up on me too.
    Kisses
    Maria

    • Caroline Donofrio says...

      Hi Maria,
      I did read your comment, and I’m so sorry to hear what happened. I hear you — moving forward can be so hard, and you need to do it on your own timeline — but it helps to remember that good things can happen out of the blue, at any time. Sending you love! x Caroline

    • marooska says...

      Hi Maria,
      I am so sorry. Please know this, you are not alone. My husband of 5 years left me just a couple of months ago. As a matter of fact, I’m wrestling with calling him for the holidays. I pray you find peace and love again in the arms of the One who deserves your love. Sending you virtual hugs and kind thoughts.

  79. eoc says...

    I knew my now husband for 7 months before we started dating… in face I was so sure that our first date was not a date that i agreed to meet up to go swimming together. I try to be comfortable with my body but my ratty speedo swimsuit as a first date outfit is a step too far even for me! From there on, I just started to realise how comfortable and easy hanging out with him was/is. He took the first step by telling me he liked me as more than a friend, i thought what the heck, let’s see where this goes….and the rest is history. Love is a funny thing:-)

  80. Kate says...

    I love this! I believe that the deepest love is when you fall in love with a soul.
    My husband and I never “dated” either. We were friends for years, but never considered that we would be more. Over time we got to be closer and closer, went out to do things together all the time, until one day I realized I couldn’t picture life without him. He was the only person that could make me laugh like he did, would go out of his way to cheer me up, cheer me on, take care of anything I needed, basically, LOVE me. But I didn’t want to say anything because I was sure he didn’t feel the same way. Then one year, a trip we had planned with friends looked like it was going to fall through. He said we should go anyway. So we did. And on that trip he proposed to me! If you ask him, he’d tell you the first time we hung out together he thought to himself, “I could marry that girl”. We’ve been friends for 10 years and married for four. I adore him and wouldn’t trade him for the world!

  81. Geny says...

    That is so so sweet. You actually made me cry! He’s a keeper for sure xx

  82. Cindy says...

    Three cheers for such a lovely story. So well written, as I have come to expect from Caroline. My favorite line: “‘We’re not dating,’ he’d reassure me, as he proceeded to plan the dateliest dates I have ever been on.”

  83. Caroline, thanks so much for writing about this. I feel like we’re bombarded with “love at first sight” stories so much from childhood on up til adulthood that we think there’s something wrong when we don’t fall for someone immediately. My love story too, was a slow burn kind–we kept meeting up “as friends” because I just didn’t think I wanted to date him. Then a few months into it, we kissed … then a few months later we were spending every night together. The lesson is: don’t dismiss someone forever if you don’t feel that immediate spark. Slow-burn love FTW

  84. Embarrassingly, I fell in love with my current boyfriend while I was still dating my ex. Of course I did not act upon it and I didn’t even realized i was falling in love with this ‘other guy’ because I still loved my ex at the time. Everyone around us noticed there was some weird connection going on, though! After my break-up with the ex, it was pretty clear that I was meant to be with someone else and we soon started dating ;)

    xx B
    http://www.thisisb.be

  85. What a sweet story! I am going through a breakup, and this gives me all kinds of warm fuzzy feelings that I think is a little bit of hope. Thank you for sharing!

    • Kristina says...

      Same here! Wishing you all the best, Katie, and so happy for you, Caroline! Such a sweet story. xo

  86. Sandra says...

    Awwww….what is that saying? Something like “love is a friendship that has caught fire”? I love these stories. I knew on our first date that I was really attracted to my husband but I didn’t think he was a good fit for me on a practical level. It took about two months for me to fall in love with him, and maybe eight months before I started to think he might be the one. I’ve never had luck in the past before my husband with relationships that started out with friends… It usually in those cases it was the guy talking me into something that I knew in my gut just wasn’t the right for me. But I know lots of cases of people being friends first, even for years. Congrats on your new romance!

  87. Just a lovely story! I love intimate posts like this one, so genuine and perfect! thanks for sharing! xoxo

    NEW BLOG POST!! Today we talk about BEAUTY: “OLIVIA PALERMO x CIATÉ LONDON COSMETICS COLLECTION” – don’t miss all the new fall products perfect for winter holidays that the it-girl designed for the british brand! All the products, ready to shop and inspiration behind the collection!
    http://www.influencerdiaries.com

  88. Andrea says...

    Sweet story! It reminds me of several of my friends’ how we met stories: “Well, he just kept coming around…”

  89. beautifully written & lived. xx

  90. That is a wonderful story! My husband and I were friends for years before we started dating, but he once told a mutual friend (very early in our friendship) he wanted to marry someone like me. I didn’t know this for a while yet, but dating happened with a lighting bolt for me, and I just knew I wanted to be with this friend forever.

  91. I fell in love with my husband fairly quickly. I even remember when I let the “L” word slip after drinking a couple months into our relationship and his response? Silence followed by his awkward reply that he couldn’t say that yet. I was mortified and wanted to crawl under a rock. I was practically living with him after a month or two and flew home with him for the holidays. He told me he wanted to move back home, and so after only dating 6 months I decided I’d follow him. We would lie in bed talking about the future and the names of our kids… from the very beginning I think I just knew he was the one.

  92. Alex says...

    Caroline, would you be open to commenting on what you became aware of–either within yourself or about how you saw your relationship with your now boyfriend–that contributed to your decision to officially date him?

    I think it can be hard to navigate a situation like this because in many cases, when someone pushes your boundaries (ignores you when you are saying “no” very clearly), that is a red flag that the relationship dynamic isn’t healthy or respectful. I don’t think it’s a red flag 100% of the time, but it would help to hear how you were able to differentiate that this wasn’t a warning sign, but instead was about you needing time to shift your perspective.

    • KC says...

      I agree that normally this would send up red flags for me. When I have said “well, I don’t want to date you, but I’m happy to hang out as long as it’s understood that it’s not a date,” then it has not gone well when the guy concludes it *is* a date (either boasting about it to his friends or telling me that I’m dating him now). Because, no. There was a reason I said that, and it was not being “coy” or something.

      That said, it sounds like he did wait for Caroline to be on the same page and didn’t insist on “his rights” based on non-dates. So, the exception that proves the rule? :-)

  93. This was such a sweet post!!

  94. Jennifer says...

    When I met my husband, he was living in a house alone with two dogs, two cats, and not much furniture. His previous girlfriend had left him many months before I met him, but she’d left most of her furniture and other items in what had been their shared house while she lived with friends and tried to find a place to buy for herself. Just before I met him she’d found a place and come back to take all of her stuff away. He didn’t feel ready to date anyone, and I was happy to just go on casual dates. Then one evening we were chatting on the phone and he mentioned that he wanted to heat up some soup, but he’d just realized that his ex had taken the can opener. The next day I bought him a can opener and a few cans of soup and left them on his porch. He said that’s when he knew he wanted to be with me.

  95. Charlotte says...

    So happy for you! That’s such a cute story, and from what I see on your Instagram, you’re a perfect match :)

    My boyfriend was my roommate first, which kinda held me back (that would be too weird, right?), but luckily he felt the same on all accounts. I liked him instantly when I first met him, then we got to know each other really well — we lived together, after all — and after a few months I wasn’t that subtle anymore and he finally made a move. And now we’re already living together, which is awesome.

  96. Jamie says...

    I can still remember the first time I seen my husband! I was on a tour at a new job and I seen his shaved head… reading a book during some down time. There was something about him that I was immediately drawn to and I made it my goal to get to know him. I asked him out quite a few times before he finally agreed to date a co-worker. I still have no IDEA why I wouldn’t give up when he would tell me no, I guess I just KNEW I had to have him. Luckily, he eventually asked me out to dinner… it was the best first date I ever went on. We were inseparable after that… For me, it was love at first sight. He is everything I never knew I wanted and needed. We are a great team raising our 2 children. I can’t picture my life any other way!

  97. Elizabeth says...

    This is wonderful! Congratulations!

  98. Alisa says...

    This warmed my heart! Wishing you and your date much happiness <3

  99. Anne says...

    Beautiful story Caroline. He sounds like a really great guy.

    Years ago I lived in Melbourne, Australia (I am from Denmark). I was (very) young, had just moved to the city and did not at all plan for an Australian boyfriend while I spent a year down under. In the beginning I went out a lot, and therefor met many different guys. They were all sweet, good looking etc., but non of them really seemed to be interesed in more than a causal fling. One night out on the town, my girlfriend and I stood in line for a bar and my girlfriend ends up falling into a conversation with two guys infront of us in the line. Honestly, I did not really pay attention to their conversation nor did I pay much attention to the guys. Based on previous experience, I was not expecting a great guy to fall down from the sky.

    After talking with the guys for a while we end up joing them and their friends for a drink. I did talk a bit extra to one of the guys – a tall quite guy with blue eyes and short blond hair. We joined their friends for a drink, we danced (groupe dance), but I did not put anything into the blond guy’s and mine conversation. To me he was just another random guy in Melbourne. However, towards the end of the night where I am about to leave, the blond guy asks for my phone number which really surprised me. Sure we had talked, but he had not come on to me or anything at all. He really took me by surprise. A day or so later, he wrote me asking me out on a date.

    I dated plenty of guys in Melbourne, but causal dating nothing serious. And for some reason this guy seemed a bit serious. He invited me out on a real dinner date where he payed for the entire meal. The conversation went smooth, but still I really did not put much into the date. Probably because he was not very explicit about his actual feelings toward me. After our date, he insisted on walking me to my girlfriends (who I was going out with later same night). Right before we reached the meeting spot, we stopped to say our goodbyes. And then we kissed. A sweet, great, wonderful kiss. From then on something changed.

    I was still unsure of how to feel towards this guy. I liked him, but not in the same crazy-in-love kind of way I knew from previous relationships. We dated for approximately a month before I finally gave after and fell into love with him. One night in particular changed that. I had had a long and strange day where I had felt a bit restless and lonely. I was unsure of what to do with myself and the only thing I could think of was I wanted to see this guy. So late at night, I came to his apartment. We watched the movie Superbad, and I fell a sleep on the couch. I woke up by his hand touching my hair. We walked into his bedroom to go to sleep, and for the first time that night we made love. From that moment, I only fell more and more in love with him.

    It was not a very obvious love, but he turned out to be a wonderful guy who I dated throughout my entire time in Australia.

    /Anne

  100. SJ says...

    This is a very nice post!
    I remember when I had started dating my husband I wasn’t sure if it would work out. But, then one date was after I had had a really hard day at work. I relaxed so much, and we had a moment in which I liked so much the way he told me things he had thought after some trip he had made, that then I realized I didn’t want to let him go, hehe.

    I guess everyone has his times.

    SJ – simplyconversing.wordpress.com

  101. This is great!

    I, too, did not want to date my now boyfriend. We went out one time, and I refused to go out with him again, even though he persisted. I couldn’t get him out of my mind, so two months later we reconnected. We have been inseparable since!

  102. Elaine says...

    Neither of us know the exact moment we fell in love – but we did. We almost broke up the other day over talks of moving in together. He came into this relationship thinking it only temporary and lost track of how real it’s become. Finally his mind caught up with his heart and we’ll be moving in together come January! Oh men…

  103. Katy says...

    My husband and I had a similar beginning. Just friends in college, although he wanted it to be more, and tried very hard to just get us in the same room often. So sweet, but I just wasn’t sure. Fast forward 5 years, we start dating long distance. Fast forward 14 years and we are married with two kids. And…we just watched When Harry Met Sally a couple nights ago. My husband just recently realized how great a move it is. I just nod, b/c, obviously, it’s the BEST.

  104. This is the cutest thing ever.
    “proceeded to plan the dateliest dates” oh my goodness. lol! great post.

  105. I have almost always been single and playin the field. And at 36, I have my first boyfriend. I even said I love you for the first time ever last weekend. It was very very intense and worth the wait! But how we met/ran into each other was kind of like a romantic comedy. We ran into each other on the street, each going to an improv show we had at theaters a block from each other. We already knew each other for about 7 years but had never hung out. He decided he needed to ask me out. Our first date was amazing and we hung out all night. By our second date, we had so much chemistry that we slept together. And the rest is history! 6 weeks later we are totally in love with each and can’t spend more than 2 days apart. It was surprising for me but I’m also so comfortable with him, which rarely happens. Very affectionate and very loving :)

  106. Melissa says...

    Caroline, this just brought a lump to my throat & glassy eyes…what a perfectly, simple,beautiful illustration of really what finding love is like. I had a parallel experience: Soft, simple, quiet, full of diversions, aversions, then obvious realization (like duh!)…..it was one night he said to me: I am not dating anyone else & don’t plan on it. If you want to, you can. But I WILL win you over.
    And that was it. Best choice I’ve ever made. Truly.
    Thank you for reminding me to be grateful and appreciative.
    XO

  107. Kaitlin says...

    I love reading all of these stories. My husband and I met at a bar crawl 7 years ago. It took me a while to realize I was in love with him because I had always assumed when I found “the one” I would just know. Instead we started spending all our time together and it was so easy and fun. I kept telling myself, I’d end it when it was no longer fun. He likes to joke that he kept making plans with me so I couldn’t end it. I don’t recall exactly what the turning point was, but I cannot imagine my life without him. He is my an amazing husband and father to our 3 little girls and we continue to have so much fun together.

  108. Katie says...

    My husband and I met on a blind date. I was fresh out of college and still reeling from the loss of my father; he had recently returned from a deployment so we were both were in the middle of huge life changes. Neither of us were expecting anything serious but we were both pleasantly surprised.

    I asked him to be my ‘boyfriend’ one month later to which he replied “It’s a tough job, can you handle it?” After dating for 2 months, he proposed. We were married 3 months later. Now 4 years into marriage, we’ve had our struggles from marrying young and so quickly but I am very thankful for what I’ve learned about love, about myself, and about making a marriage work.

  109. Lauren E. says...

    I love that little bit about him being a “psycho.” As if someone nice and normal who is persistent is a psycho and we have to cajole the guys that are really worth it into spending time with us. Ah, how wrong we are…

    I fall hard and fast and never in my life have I slowly, over time, fallen for someone. J. sent me a message on OKCupid that said simply: “You’re an Oakland Raiders fan? Do you carry a shank?” I was in. Then on our first date we spent five hours talking and I stayed up way past my bedtime (which I never, EVER do) because I didn’t want to say goodbye. I knew that night he’d be someone special. Five and a half years later, and we just got engaged :)

  110. Katie says...

    I knew the moment I met him that he was special. I officially loved him 2 months later. We dated across the ocean for 9 months, got engaged and married a year later, and I moved across the ocean to join him in France. We’ve been married 4 years and it’s like living in a fairy tale. We allow each other to breathe and grow and love just abounds.

  111. Paige C says...

    What a great story!

    My husband and I were good friends for about 4.5 years before we started dating. He was firmly in the friend zone, and I was convinced he always would be. Until one day he wasn’t. And I realized that I was falling for this incredibly kind, sweet, smart man. Thank goodness he fell for me right back. These days we’re married and expecting our first little one!

  112. Prudence says...

    This is such a sweet dating story, persistence does work at time yah :)…. It didn’t take me that long to fall in love with my husband, maybe about two to three months! “Right chemistry” perhaps…

    Prudence
    http://www.prudencepetitestyle.com

  113. Joanna says...

    Awh, your love story is so cute. It’s lovely that he didn’t let you get away :)

    My boyfriend is a quick mover, but I’m more reserved. He told me he loved me after about 6 weeks, which was waaay too soon for me. I said ‘thank you’ and backed away. But, we still saw each other every day. And texted each other every day. And spent a considerable amount of time together, every day. And it wasn’t weird. Or it didn’t feel weird anyway. So I told him I loved him about six months in under the Dunlop bridge at Donington Park, UK.

    We’ve been together nearly nine years now. Wouldn’t change him for the world.

    ohhellojo.blogspot.com

  114. Arielle says...

    I was studying for an organic chemistry final in a café when I looked across the room, I saw this tall handsome man who made my heart flutter and my face flush. The moment he looked over at me, he knew he wanted to marry me. He came over and staged a loud conversation next to me saying where he was going, and I wanted to follow him. He was too shy to speak to me. I was already in a crumbling relationship. This handsome man waited for me to come back to the café to ask for my number and I was so nervous, I gave him the wrong one. He waited in the café again for me to chew me out for giving him the wrong number. We stayed until closing time but I was too shy to talk to him. So he sat across from me and during my study breaks he tried to get to know me. I resisted telling him too much. I went home that night and told my roommates I met the man I’m going to marry. I broke up with my current boyfriend, and started dating my now husband the same day! I moved in with him after 3 months and he proposed 8 months later. Almost 4 years later and we are happily married .

  115. annie g says...

    Beautifully written, especially the final line. I hope you are very happy. You will make a very pretty bride.

  116. Beth says...

    What a lovely story! It’s so refreshing to read something like this in a world of dating via apps and websites.

  117. Anna says...

    Oh, Caroline, simply beautiful. xo

  118. OMG dating is so contrived! It just makes conversation and everything so awkward when you’re alone with a stranger and you’re simultaneously trying to get to know each other and trying to calculate whether this person has potential to be “the one.” I always want to be like, even if we don’t end up being romantic partners would you ok just being friends? I mean we already invested so much time getting to know each other!

    • I also wish I could be make friends with a guy that is totally normal and sweet and funny and nice but we just hung out platonically until one day we realized oh you were there all along a la Nora Ephron :)

  119. Adélaïde says...

    You just made me cry ! I am really happy for you (and for him!)
    Love from Paris,
    Adelaide

  120. Caroline, I so admire and adore your writing style. What a lovely post! Thanks for sharing.

  121. JPB says...

    I don’t get American dating. It feels creepy to me to meet with someone you know is romantically interested. I can see how this can lead to one party having high expectations just cause you agreed to spend time with them, even though you might just have met for a minute before exchanging telephone numbers. Though it does make for entertaining television :)

    I’m in my late twenties and in our social scene we just meet as friends or hook up right away…the ‘proper’ date is rare and I’m glad (though I know it is probably not the norm in Germany, it certainly is common not to date in the traditional way).

  122. Katie says...

    Just over a year ago I returned from living abroad, I found an excellent cheap house share in the city I wanted to live in with two great female roommates, I was 29. After two months of living there I found myself spending more and more time with one of my roommates, we cooked dinners together, watched movies, I taught her to juggle, she taught me to draw, we’d go on long walks or day trips to museums together. Until this point in my life I would have identified as a straight woman, but one weekend when my roommate was away, I realized I missed her, I longed for her company, I texted her first thing in the morning and last thing at night. Without realizing it I had fallen for her, we had been inadvertently dating under the guise of friends and before I had chance to process this, I was already in love. Luckily she felt the same way, I hadn’t realized but she had dated women before me but hadn’t thought I was interested in her romantically due to my dating history. One evening I plucked up the courage to kiss her. That was a year ago and we are still living together and still very much in love. I had returned from abroad looking to meet the right man and settle down, yet she sideswiped my feet from under me, turned my whole world around and I have never been happier in my life. Next year we plan to buy a house together and I’d love to propose. We are lucky enough to have lots of supportive friends and family and live in a great accepting city. I’m so excited for the future and a huge advocate of ‘you never know what’s just around the corner’.

  123. Kate says...

    I met my boyfriend online a year ago shortly after I moved to London. A little while into our relationship, we realised we had crossed paths already.

    Before moving to London, I was living in a house share in Oxford. When I was first looking for this house share, I went to view a room and loved the area – I said I’d take the room but they gave it to somebody else. I then went to view another house share down the road and (luckily) was offered that room.

    The people I was sharing with invited their friends over to welcome me to the neighbourhood. These friends were the ones who had not picked me for the room – Obviously, this was embarrassing. For everyone (but especially me). We all ended up hanging out anyways over the next year or so (they had really great parties).

    One day quite soon into my relationship, me and my new boyfriend realised we both knew one of his friends. It turned out she was the one who moved out of the Oxford house in the first place – the house that didn’t pick me. Queue second batch of embarrassment when I had to explain where I’d met her.

    So then we realised he’d been at their parties too, but we just hadn’t met yet!

  124. Anita says...

    It took a whole year! We would go to museums together and meet regularly, there was quite a bit of chocolate involved, too (he knew that chocolate is my weak spot). Then he seemed to loose interest and I had to make up my mind. Now we just celebrated our 6th anniversary and have two little kids. So glad I made the right decision!!! Good luck to you two!

  125. Karo says...

    I had to smile reading this, what a wonderful story! A year ago, almost to the day, I went on a date with a guy I didn’t really want to date. After hours and hours of talking and walking we finally said goodnight – it was the best first date of my life. And yet I didn’t realize I was falling for him. I couldn’t shut up about him, agreed to a second date on the spot and ignored my friend’s knowing smile. After the second date – after hours of telling myself that I shouldn’t lead him on – I was the one to propose a third one! And just like that I was crazy, madly in love with the most wonderful man I’ve ever met, who could make me happy like no one else. Lucky for me, even though it took a while for my mind to catch up, my instincts were steering me in the right direction.
    Sadly our story ended a few weeks ago. After dating for almost a year, we had to separate due to circumstances beyond our control. It was the most painful, most excruciating breakup of my life – saying goodbye to G. I’m still recovering from that pain. Given the choice to do it all again, I wouldn’t hesitate for a nanosecond.

  126. Merci Joanna. I am a “fidèle lectrice” from France. Sad and, I have to admit, afraid at the moment; going to work, taking metros, buying food… reading you and this article made me feeling better. Thank you for conrinuing posting articles on beatiful subjects.
    Joanna

  127. Bethany says...

    I love this post so much! I went through something very similar with my boyfriend (and now we’re moving in together next month, eek)!

    We started dating because I knew I knew I liked him – he is my perfect guy. But I wasn’t ready to date – I went through a break-up a few months before and I was just about getting used to being happy in myself again. I was Bambi learning how to walk, all shaky and could fall at any moment.

    So I called it off, and we stayed friends – we took it easy, and a few months later I was happy being single, I could stay home on a Saturday night and feel great about it, I could see happy couples on the tube without a sinking stomach – I loved myself completely and then I knew I was ready to love him too.

    Thank you so much for sharing this. It’s made my day. xxxxx

  128. Ana says...

    Such a sweet take on dating. I really like it.
    Thanks a lot for sharing ;)

  129. That story is adorable and I love the way you told it too!
    Boyfriend and I knew each other through work for 2 years but didn’t talk much during that time. Randomly, started talking while I was still hung up on someone else and I started to realize I cared about him far more than that other person. A few months later, we started dating…now 1 1/2 years and living together!

  130. hanna says...

    What a lovely post, you made me smile.

    My husband was doing an exchange year at my uni in Sweden. We had mutual friend and one evening he came to our dorm for dinner. I had a partner at the time as did he. I was told that he was running late as he was “busy” with his girlfriend. They also told me that he was gay (which makes absolutely no sense considering their previous statement about his gf?) I didn’t give this info much thought as I had never met the fellow and was really hungry and wanted to start eating. He walked in the door and (sigh, this sounds so cheesy and writing it makes me cringe) within 5min I was in love. I had never felt that way about anyone before. We hung out all night and talked until the sun came up. He completely blew my mind. The next day we both broke up with our respective significant others. We had an intense 3 months together before he went home to WA. We decided to give long distance a shot. We figured that if it didn’t work, at least we had tried. We did long distance (Sweden to WA) for almost 4 years while finishing our degrees. We travelled to each other ca every 6-12 weeks and spent summers together. Expensive…

    I then moved to the States for 2 years before we moved back to Sweden 4 years ago. We are coming up on our 10 year anniversary and are now married and parents to a wonderful 21 month old. I did not believe in love at first sight until it happened to me. Argh, it sounds so corny. I do not believe in soul mates, instead I think that there are many matches for us out there. I simply had the luck of meeting one of mine.

  131. Ella says...

    This is beautiful, I am so happy for you Caroline. I am a firm believer that the best relationships are on the basis of a friendship. But one thought springs to mind, what about attraction? That feeling, that electricity?

    I mean I understand the not being ready until you are ready, but surely no matter how not ready somewhere we recognize if there is a spark?

    I always wonder this, if this ‘feeling’ can happen eventually or is there since the beginning. For me without a doubt it was there since the beginning even if I would have never imagined when I met him that he would become my husband.

    • I always wonder about this too. Is the spark something that can grow and develop and become? Or does it need to be felt from the start? I’ve heard stories of both!

    • Rebekah says...

      It took time for me. I liked and respected him when we started dating… we figured we’d see where it ended up. Eight months in the sparks flew and they haven’t stopped. (We’re married with two kids now.)

  132. Oh my, Caroline, this story reminds me of my beginning with my husband. I liked him, I even felt a weird sense of “oh my, this is the person with whom I have an amazing sense of peace and can site beside to in a comfortable silence”, but still (I don’t know why) I didn’t want to go out with him. But he stayed there, as a friend, being so nice, until one day I was into him. So weird it took me a while to get to like him. Anyway, we have been married for almost 9 years now and I constantly think how lucky I was to choose him to marry at an age (22) where you are likely to choose the wrong person to marry. I’m so happy for you! I don’t know you or him, but if he is like my husband, don’t let him go!