How Long Did It Take You to Fall in Love?

How Long Did it Take You to Fall in Love?

Once, not too long ago, I met a guy. He was kind and cute and sane. We had many things in common. (He’s a writer! He loves books! He wears cardigans.) I did not want to date him…

I couldn’t explain why I didn’t want to date him, but I really, really did not.

Soon after we met, he asked me out, and the optimistic side of my brain — the side that believes in hope and rainbows and fostering meaningful human connections — made me say yes. But on the day of our scheduled meeting, my rational brain chimed in. I had no interest. I wasn’t ready to date anyone; I was still grappling with a breakup and I felt like a mess.

I apologized, then cancelled. Crisis averted!

A few days later, he asked me out again. I told him not much had changed.

A few days after that, he asked if I would like to get together.

“What is wrong with this person?!” I asked anyone who would listen.

“Psycho!” chimed a chorus of friends.

Three times he tried, three times I refused.

The fourth time, he came armed with a plan. “If you don’t want to date, we don’t have to date!” he said. “I just want to talk about books! Can’t we just be friends?”

This is how I was tricked into dating.

For our first non-date, we met for drinks at a dark and divey bar. We talked for hours. It felt a lot like a date.

“We’re not dating,” he’d reassure me, as he proceeded to plan the dateliest dates I have ever been on. There were dinners, with candles, drinks and dessert. Theatrical events requiring planning and tickets. Most perplexing of all, he would insist on picking me up at my apartment before each outing — no matter the time, no matter the weather — even when it was completely out of the way.

Weeks went by, punctuated by “friendly outings,” each more purposeful than the next. At the end of each non-date, we’d exchange a chaste hug and linger for a moment before waving good-bye.

“Are you dating anyone?” people would ask, and I wouldn’t know how to respond.

Our non-courtship became undeniably like the first half of When Harry Met Sally (minus that scene at the wedding; “Is someone supposed to be a dog in this scenario? I’m the dog? I’m the dog!”).

“Why aren’t you together?” friends would ask. “Don’t you like him? Don’t you find him attractive?”

Then one day, when I was finally ready to recognize the human-sized hole in my life, there was only one person who came to mind. Luckily for me, we were already dating.

How long did it take you to first fall for someone? Has it ever been faster — or slower — than you expected?

P.S. Date conversation topics, and a tip to keep the sparks alive.

(Illustration by Alessandra Olanow for Cup of Jo.)

Tags: alessandra olanow, illustration

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Anna

December 15, 2017 6:40 pm

This post I was keeping in my mind since I read it a few years ago. I’m single for 3 years now, not able to compromise and broken every time a relationship starts and immediately ends.
Few weeks ago, a guy from the Pilates class at work found me on FB. He wasn’t my type, I mean, he reminded me of myself, and I’m not ready yet to be the male version of my dream guy. Anyway, we had two friendly dates, nothing romantic happened, but he continues to insist on a third one.
I just came back from it, and I have butterflies. I know it’s still early, but because of people like him, I remember that there’s still such things as romance and belief in love. Even if it won’t work out, I know that there’s gold out there. You’re lucky that yours was right next to you at the right time.
Thank you for sharing this story.

Justhazy

April 13, 2017 2:16 am

Gosh! This one resonated so much for me. I am currently seeing this guy, we are not exactly dating (by the usual standards), but we do dinners, movies and travel together. Just by ourselves. We talked for hours, part ways, immediately we text each other again, sleep and again text or somehow lunch. We are not seeing anybody else also because both of us are not ready to commit to a relationship. But things do get a little hazy around here these days.

I am not sure if we should do THE talk soon. I kinda sense it is more than meets the eye. But I am not sure if I will risk the friendship.

Justhazy

April 13, 2017 2:09 am

Gosh! This one resonated so much for me. I am currently seeing this guy, we are not exactly (by the usual standards), but we do dinners, movies and travel together. Just by ourselves. We talked for hours, part ways, immediately we text each other again, sleep and again text or somehow lunch. We are not seeing anybody else also because both of us are not ready to commit to a relationship. But things do get a little hazy around here these days.

I am not sure if we should THE talk soon. I kinda sense it is more than meets the eye. But I am not sure if I will risk the friendship.

Orchid64

March 26, 2017 11:49 am

I fell in love with my husband without ever meeting him face to face or seeing him. In 1987, I was pen pals with quite a few people (pre-interent, of course) and some of us exchanged cassette tapes of us talking instead of writing letters. He sent me some tapes as his first correspondence, I listened and wasn’t impressed by that first hour. He sent about 3 hours more after I replied to him. I tossed them aside and didn’t listen for a little over 2 months. When I finally listened to them – BOOM – I fell in love around the end of the second side. We carried on a long-distance relationship for a little under a year and didn’t actually meet face-to-face for about 10 months, though we were sure we were meant for one another from the very start and talked about marriage, living together, and our lives long before meeting. I adore him and he adores me, and we’ve been together now for going on 30 years.

Hambat

March 24, 2017 9:26 pm

That was cute.

Yeka

March 17, 2017 4:45 am

You all have great stories, but mine isn’t that great at all…
I’m pretty much young and I love self discovery. I have dated quite a lot of guys but haven’t found that one with whom I connect with and I have never had the spark… I broke up with my x boyfriend cause I felt I didn’t love him anymore and I wanted to date someone I have known for long…I met my xbf in university, dating him wasn’t my will in fact dating any guy isn’t my I will, I always say yes out of the feeling of the other and not after my own feelings, which is wrong I know… We had a good relationship and still have, we are closer now than ever, even now that he needs me the most as he has cancer am there for him am the only one closest to him now…
My present bf who I left my x for is a bit distant from me as we only see during school holidays as we are in different universities. I dont know if I actually love him, I find it hard understanding him we really do not connect this I understand cause our relationship have only been chat based, we can’t really talk on phone cause his school doesn’t support use of cellphone… The relationship is so boring that even chatting we run out of what to say and when I try to bring in new things it doesn’t suit his personality. He is in love with me that I know but there is something missing, I dont want to break up with him, break his heart and then discover that I was in love with when it’s late…I have many male friends and due to my awesome personality and looks most of them fall for me easily…. I dont even know who is genuine… It took me 2yrs before I said yes to my bf, I wanted the affirmation of the love but I think I failed to get an affirmation from my own heart…. I even contemplate sometimes to double date but something always stops me plus he has friends in my school that check up on me… We sometimes talk like 3 or four times in a week sometimes one, the when the relationship was fresh I used to miss him but now am used to not talking to him that even when he is online I dont have that rush to quickly reply him in fear that he would go off soon..something has changed BTW us and I dont know what, I really want to find out so it can work at least ..its my first time trying this long distance relationship and it’s going to be my last I think…

Eric D. And Dana

December 24, 2016 3:01 pm

Well I’ve had the craziest year. I needed to write in a few places to give others hope. I met Dana via FB. She and I had a friend in common. I wrote and said I loved her smile. We soon were skyping, finally took a bus(local), to her place to hang for the day. We had already mentioned what if one of us wants to kiss the other? She was w a guy who was emotionally abusive, he owned house she rented a room in. After I heard and seen what he was doing I had no issue breaking it up. Well in 6 4 and 270, big dude, she is 6 ft, but thin. Beautiful. I seen her waiting at the bus stop for me. I was so nervous, as I hadn’t dated or had sex in over a year. I knew sex prob wouldn’t be now but anything else sounded like fair game. We had no plans but to go to her place for 8 hrs and talk, watch TV, etc. Well I get off the bus and I go to hug her, she grabs me and kisses me. She laughed and asked if I was okay, cause I looked unprepared. I didn’t expect her to make first move. We had already talked and skyped the whole month, so we knew alot bout each other. Eventually we were seeing each other 3-4 a week in no time. bigger kisses, sex, we became an official couple, some heartache, she has some mental issues she took meds for and when she came off them, oh boy, some bad real ups, till I learned how to react towards her. She had only a sister as fam. Everyone else was gone and some friends. I helped her anytime. Her friends like me alot. My family took her in. We now are at 10 months, moved in together and recently decided that marriage isn’t ready, but we are going to be married our own way, and are a couple for good. She is my future. I asked how long it took, she said well I didn’t say as quick as you, but our 2 ND day being together. Mine was end of first. Everything is so natural. People always tell us we look good together, look like we belong together, or look related. She has seen me turn down what she says we’re beautiful girls, but I tell her they are OK, but yr my beautiful. I have been engaged 3 x in my life. This is my first time falling in love for real. People always say we are lovesick for each other. I never tire of her company, but we know how to give each other space. The sex makes me feel 22 again. Mind melting. Thank God I finally found her!

Hannah

November 21, 2016 6:54 pm

I knew my current love was special when he waited 5 dates to kiss me. A death in the family had me tell my family I thought he was special 1 week after our first date, my Mom scorned me for texting this new guy a lot, “In two weeks, you won’t know his name”, to which I replied, “I think he could be the one”. 1 year and a half in, let’s hope there’s many more years to come. I remember the first time he told me he loved me, like it was yesterday. Of course, I didn’t hesitate to say it back, it took 5 months of us dating but I wouldn’t change it for the world, I knew I would love him from the moment I met him. Oh love, what a wonderful thing. I love this post & reading all the lovely comments <3

Krystol

April 20, 2016 8:06 pm

Here is my story. I’ve been dating a guy for a month now who I met online. On our first meeting was our fist date. Before we met, we talked on Skype. We talked for at least 5 hours that night ( we still do). He told me the other night that he was falling in love with me. He even cried as he told me. We are total opposites, but we just click. We talk about everything marriage, kids, our religions, etc. We had our first date. It was at a bookstore ( I’m a writer and an avid reader). We talked for 5 hours until he had to go to work. He kissed me on our first date and I got chills through my body. He even told me that he wanted me, to be with me. He told me he loved me and I started crying like a baby. He said, ” Krystol, I know you are falling in love with me too.” I just cried and cried. I asked so many people, can you fall in love with someone only after a month. Everyone was like, ” yea”. A couple people said that it’s too fast. But, every date we have gone on he pays, he opens the door for me, pulls out my chair ALL the time. This is new to me because I have dated tons of assholes, lol. But, this man, even said if I have to get surgery to let him know the days so he can schedule off! Where did he come from? LOL. He came over my house and I laid on his chest. I was falling asleep ( or playing sleep). I heard from say, ” Krystol, I got you. You are going to be my wife one day.” I felt a tear come down my face. He grabbed me close and kissed my head. He is definitely a keep and I look forward to continuing seeing him.

Danielle

Reply to Krystol

April 25, 2016 7:46 pm

My current situation is SO SIMILAR to yours it’s uncanny! I met my current boyfriend on a dating app (Coffee Meets Bagel) on March 5th, had our first kiss on our third date (at night, under his umbrella in the rain–I literally went weak in the knees), and we made our exclusiveness official three dates later. Then a week later we were talking about the “L” word and I told him not to say it to me until he knew for sure he wanted to marry me. He said it an hour later and cried when I said it back (!!!!!). We keep forgetting we’ve only known each other for less than 2 months. We talk about how crazy it is that we knew so early on. People always say, “When you know, you know.” Neither of us understood that until we met each other.

Claire Bou

January 7, 2016 4:17 pm

This is so sweet! How did tell him you were ready? He must have been so happy!!

January 4, 2016 4:58 pm

I’m really torn on this story. On one hand, cute! You took it slow, and when you were ready, you have this great partner!

On the other hand, what would have happened if you had dated someone else? Would he have said that you owed him? Would you feel obligated to make him your boyfriend because he ‘invested’ all of this time and money in you? This feels like a ‘nice guy’ trap-type story, where the nice guys aren’t so nice after all…

I mean, I’m really glad it worked out for you, but I cannot tell you how many times I’ve been guilted into dating someone because they ‘invested’ in the ‘relationship’.

Kate

Reply to Em

March 23, 2016 5:25 pm

Time out, time out. With all good intentions, I just want to say that you are not obligated to date anyone you don’t want to date, or make anyone your boyfriend unless you want them to be your boyfriend. If they are pulling those kinds of claims, they don’t deserve your affection! Kick them to the curb. I’ve dated a couple of guys who were difficult to break up with (they just KEPT coming back), so the sooner you know you don’t want to date a person, the easier it is to get out.

Nicole

December 8, 2015 8:45 pm

I loved reading this short article and all the comments with people sharing their love stories. It made me think about how quickly I fell in love with with my husband. I would say my first realization was when I called him at one in the morning after my cousin’s wedding. I was talking too loudly and woke up my sister up in our hotel room. Instead of getting off the phone, I went into the bathroom and sat in the tub and continued to talk. 30 minutes later, my sister came into the bathroom and told me I was still being too loud, so I went into the stairwell down the hall and talked to him until 5 a.m. That was about a week after our first conversation and three days before our first date. After our first date, I told him I was awesome and that he might fall in love with me. I know, I’m so freaking modest. And then I told him not to tell me he loved me unless he meant it. Which is a WEIRD thing to say to someone after your first date. Except I I knew I’d already fallen in love and didn’t want him to break my heart. (I had just come out of a REALLY BAD relationship.) And then he said I love you like two weeks later. And I was still too nervous to say it back. Actually, I think what I said was “Are you serious? I told you not to say that unless you really mean it.” When he said he did really mean it, I said, “see, I told you I’m awesome.” And then I was a jerk and didn’t say it back. But eventually I did. And here we are nine years later–married with a baby.

November 29, 2015 9:09 pm

On and off – 17 years. We fell in love when we were barely teenagers, then grew apart and barely saw each other for 15 years. Then we reconnected and we knew within weeks. Funny how that happens!

Reply to A

October 4, 2016 8:41 am

Hi A,

Nice to see your story is different from the majority. How long have you been with your SO? Are you married?

Abby

November 27, 2015 1:04 pm

This is the first time I have been compelled to post a reply, but your story was very moving and relateable to me. A few years ago, a boy fell in love with me, and I was never able to figure out why. Since he always tried to sit with me in class and around (this was high school), we became best friends. For nearly four years he was in love with me, until evening of senior year a good friend of our families passed away. We leaned on each other through the hardship, and in those dark days I realized that I too loved him. He was already my best friend, and although it started with something tragic, I couldn’t have asked for a better beginning to our love story.

Siobhan

November 25, 2015 5:39 am

Caroline, I love the way you write.

I read your break up post around the time I broke up with my ex boyfriend and found it beautiful and relatable. I’m happy that you’ve met someone who wanted was clever and patient enough to take the time to convince you ;-).

Robyn

November 24, 2015 7:40 am

For years I went through the dating game….friends of friends, speed dating, internet dating (SCARIEST SIX MONTHS OF MY LIFE) and even a very crazy stint on Tinder (don’t get me wrong, it works for some, just not for me) without any luck….AT ALL!

Then I headed to Lesotho for the weekend to help out on a community project I had heard about and BAM! I met the most amazing man I have ever had the fortune of laying eyes upon. He is seriously straight-out-of-the-movies….which is quite funny because he was a film maker.

To me it was instant. Since we discuss everything I asked my boyfriend when he knew he loved me. He said it was the moment that I asked him to sit with me and look at the stars (roughly 48 hours after first saying hello to each other)…..cue the gooey feelings!

As a sworn realist, it blows my mind how quickly everything has happened….but it just feels right. Completely right!

Robin

November 23, 2015 7:17 pm

Sorry to be “this person”, but my husband and I fell in love at first sight. (Ugh, I KNOW.) I was living in Greenpoint and he was in London, but visiting a mutual friend who also lived in Brooklyn. We met one night, and that was basically it. He was only supposed to be in the city for a few days, but our friends and family pitched in to extend his ticket, and he came to stay with my at my apartment. We did long distance between New York and London for three years before getting married at Manhattan City Hall, then I moved to London for three years, and we’ve just returned to the States! It’s been a pretty adventurous relationship so far, and I feel so lucky to have met him.

Chary

November 23, 2015 12:56 pm

This is such a cute story. Love the When Harry Met Sally reference (:

katelyn

November 23, 2015 9:26 am

Totally agree with all of these comments! This is how my husband and I ended up together. Our freshman year at college before we even met, a mutual friend insisted that we would get married. After we met, we were absolutely just friends for YEARS! Everyone asked and we always said that we were not into each other that way (which was true). Before I graduated I asked him if anything would ever happen between us and he said no, that he didn’t ever want to get married. I graduated and said goodbye. We didn’t talk for 8 months and one day he called me to say that he missed me. We started a long distance relationship. Now we are married and have a baby! Being friends first is the best way to get to know who someone really is without all of the “feelings” getting in the way! :) Congrats!

Nancy Wilde

November 22, 2015 10:08 pm

Not sure if this makes me immature, idealistic or romantic but the truth is, if I don’t fall in love (or lust, whatever) right away, it’s not gonna happen anytime later. It’s like, either there is chemistry or not. This is quite childish of me – I even consider dating a waste of time unless I’m already mad about the person, even if just only physically attracted. Well, no wonder I’ve always been single, always fell in love with the wrong people, because I fell for them before I got to truly know them. I guess that passion is that one ephemeral thing that makes us feel alive… Love is harder to find, maybe. Don’t know.

Elise Xavier

November 22, 2015 6:21 pm

Oh my goodness such a cute post <3.

Was never tricked into dating anyone before haha.

With Thomas, we ended up together and even married way sooner than rational-ole'-me would ever have imagined. That being said, we talked so frequently when we first me that it was like condensing years into months. Ah, the good old days!

Kern

November 21, 2015 9:02 pm

this is almost exactly how I got together with my husband. A persistent friendship turned into a truly great love and partnership. We had our first son two days ago, and seeing him become a dad made me fall in love with him in a whole new way. What an adventure!

Samantha

November 21, 2015 3:49 pm

My bf and I met at work. We both worked the night shift and finished at 2am. Someone would always give me a ride home, but he was the cutest one and didn’t live too far away from me, so I started waiting for him to finish and give me a ride. We really enjoyed each other’s company so we would go out, but not alone. Until one day we went on a non-date and he kissed me :) We’ve been dating for two years now.

ceciel

November 20, 2015 8:11 pm

Caroline, you’re killing me. How sweet and…I didn’t think I was a romantic but after reading this, I’m all verkelmpted (sp?).

Daniela

November 20, 2015 6:03 pm

This story is so relatable to my own! It took about five years unsure about how I felt about him and consecutive friend dates to finally figure out how much I love my best friend. We have now been together for two years :)

Erin

November 20, 2015 5:50 pm

This is exactly how I ended up married to my husband. I insisted we weren’t dating up until a week before he proposed. When people ask us how long we were together before getting married, we answer differently. Still, not having that pressure meant he tricked my tricky heart into falling in love with him. For the record, my mother thought I was crazy to “not date” such a wonderful man, and she was totally right (don’t tell her.)

Kristen

November 20, 2015 5:18 pm

Ah!!! So sweet! I love it :)

Emily

November 20, 2015 3:59 pm

I love this! I have found myself ‘not dating’ a number of people in the past, which involved everything from full day outings to a national park, to visits to the Opera; and my friends always found it highly suspect. Most of the guys remained just friends, and I thought that my manfriend and I got together in quite a classic manner … until I realised that before he asked me out, we’d already known each other for a year!

Shruthi

November 20, 2015 3:47 pm

When someone wants you for nothing but your soul then you know you have met the one :) Hope I have a story just like yours.

Shruthi
http://nyambura.co

Michelle Avitia

November 20, 2015 3:22 pm

I knew I loved him when he and I were on a break. We were in a long distance relationship that lasted about a year and half-way into that time he broke up with me. He was depressed and there were many loose ends that he had to tie up on his side, such as: giving his ex-girlfriend closure, beginning a relationship with his mother, getting closure over a friend’s death. We didn’t speak for a month a half and in that time he was seeing a therapist. Instead of allowing this relationship to end, I remained present. I told him that I would be here for him, waiting on the other side. We reunited during Christmas, and one night in bed together I told him I loved him and he reciprocated my feelings.

Benay

November 20, 2015 2:55 pm

It took an hour for my husband and I to fall in love. I swear it’s true. That night I went home and gushed all over my diary — I actually have the actual text copied into our “Love Story” photo album. From that night on we were completely inseparable and officially declared our love about two months after we first met, though we both admit we waited so long to say “I Love You” because we didn’t want to panic each other. :) We’ve been married 7 years and going strong! People sometimes tell me that it takes years for a couple to fall in love, but I insist that when you know, you know…you just have to be honest with yourself. I think that part can be really hard.

Emma

November 20, 2015 2:54 pm

I love that falling in love happens in many different ways. I’ve fallen in love twice, both times very quickly. The first time convinced me that I’d found my mate for life, and we moved in together with in a couple of months, both very confident that this was it. But when the initial spark and passion fizzled a year later, we discovered that we weren’t very well suited for each other, and split. The second time, the same spark and passion and excitement was there, but with an underlying feeling that we’d known each other for years. He quickly became not just a lover but a very dear friend. It’s great to have a bud to kick it with all the time, but whose clothes you also want to tear off on a regular basis! Love is great, and those of us who find it are lucky, however it happens.

Kimberly

November 20, 2015 2:41 pm

I loved this story so much! Please do more posts on love, finding it and keeping it. I am in my early 30s and dating in NYC and these kinds of posts give me hope for the future.

Dara

November 20, 2015 12:31 pm

That is the best dating story ever! XO

-Dara
http://www.peoniesandbees.com

Nena

November 20, 2015 12:12 pm

Lol. That is so funny. And great. I’ve been in love with a few guys. Each love a different experience, feeling that is. But with my husband it’s especially different. It was fast. It was the full experience. Best part is the love evolves as time goes on.

PS if I hadn’t of been into a relationship with him right away he totally would pulled the let’s be just friends and go on amazing ‘nondates’ strategy.

RubyRam

November 20, 2015 11:55 am

Chemistry is what will make you two still want to tear each other’s clothes off when the baby has been crying all night, a stressful deadline is looming, he hasn’t made dinner in weeks, etc. If chemistry is absent from the first days together, it won’t materialize in a few months or years.

I went for the guy who was amazing but didn’t make my knees weak. I married him, I had a baby with him. I still love him, but as a friend, and I longed for the crazy chemistry that makes the world stop when you’re kissing. I don’t regret any day of our 10 years together, but I couldn’t imagine spending my life with a good, comfortable friend. I jumped the cliff and found the man that makes my heart beat out if my chest in a single look and who I want to make love to every single day, even when I’m exhausted, when we fought, when I’m sad or stressed. It’s been one year and I would not turn back.

Mun

November 20, 2015 6:13 am

HAHAHA! He’s a tricky little things ;)

Michelle

November 20, 2015 4:31 am

Thank you for the fun article and the equally touching comments. There are so many different ways to fall in love. Mine was swift but peaceful and sure. The first time my now husband and I were ever alone together we stayed up all night talking. Within a week we knew we wanted to be married. He was the first man I had ever dated who was not in the least afraid of commitment. We were married five months later. Fifteen years of marriage later, and with some truly challenging life circumstances under our belt, I still pinch myself that I get to be married to him. Love is a beautiful adventure.

Moonlight

November 20, 2015 2:49 am

<3ing Caroline's stories and writing!
Good luck, darling!

Andrea

November 20, 2015 1:19 am

I have a feeling this is exactly what’s about to happen to me. I’ve basically done everything I can to scare him off (read, I’ve told him my life story without sparing details) and he’s not worried at all. The thing I hesitate most about is…he’s young. Six years my junior (and not quite old enough to buy his own alcohol). I know in a few years, it won’t matter at all, but right now it seems like a pretty big deal. Do you or Joanna or Lexi have any advice? Perhaps you could write a blog post, “Would you ever… date a younger man?” that way I can get your advice, plus the advice of all your great readers. Help a sister out :)

Love to you all.

Sally

Reply to Andrea

November 20, 2015 11:00 am

Would it matter if you were the six year younger person?

Nena

Reply to Andrea

November 20, 2015 12:22 pm

I think I could once they were 21. I hang out with alot of people younger than me due to my business. It seems to me they really come into their own somewhere between 21 and 22. I don’t think it has to do with the drinking aspect but that they are out of high school long enough to be who they really are and know what they really want out of life. Even if they don’t know what to do with their life.

teegan

Reply to Andrea

November 20, 2015 1:11 pm

I met my husband when he was 30 and I was 22.5. It felt like a big-ish gap (especially because he teaches high school seniors). Now, seven years later, it’s nothing at all (except some great jokes at each others’ pop culture references!)

Cindy

Reply to Andrea

November 23, 2015 11:41 am

I’ve been dating a man for almost 8 months now and he is 11 years younger than me. Granted, we are both well over 21, but the age difference just doesn’t matter. If he was ready for a full blown commitment, I would not hesitate to jump in. Unfortunately, for me, he isn’t ready and this relationship is not destined for a long journey.
I say if he makes you feel like the most cherished woman on earth as well as makes you want to rip his clothes off every single minute, GO FOR IT! Life is too short to waste a single moment. Good Luck!!

Zoe

Reply to Andrea

November 23, 2015 6:36 pm

I met my boyfriend on my 30th birthday, I was having a big glamourous night out and my housemate was going out with his friend. He’d just come back from a long trip overseas the day before, and his friend dragged him out to the party. He was only 24 at the time, and while I thought he was really cute I didn’t think it would go anywhere. I was happily single and really not interested in a relationship, and he was so much younger than me, but he was nice and sweet so we spent a lot of time together – with me repeatedly telling him we were just friends!
After about 4 months he finally took me at my word that I wasn’t interested and didn’t call me for a few days. It took this for me to realise how much I missed him so I called him and made him ask me out on a date. We went to a Coldplay concert the next week and I realized I loved him.
Don’t worry about the age difference, if he’s the right guy it really really doesn’t matter. We’ve been together nearly four years now, with a house and a cat and a puppy. Life is pretty great, and I’d be missing out on so much if I’d listened to myself that he was too young.

Jenny

November 19, 2015 10:55 pm

Oh my goodness, I love this. Way to be persistent, Guy You Weren’t Dating! I can relate, though. I had broken up with my boyfriend only a few weeks before I agreed to go to “late-late-lunch” with my now-husband (that’s what he called our dinner date since a “lunch” was all I had originally agreed to). After dinner, we walked around the National Mall in Washington, D.C., and it felt like I had known him for years. It freaked me out that it went so well. So much so that I almost didn’t agree to a second date! I’m so glad I did. :)

Natasha

November 19, 2015 10:45 pm

I have been reading this blog for years and have never once commented but having read your break up blog I am really glad things worked out for you. i read the blog when I broke up with my boyfriend of three years and its helped a lot. I am going out tomorrow with a new man, who I also did not want to be dating at first. Thank you for sharing this heart warming story!

Katie

November 19, 2015 9:15 pm

Caroline, you are SO funny. I am not a big LOLer, but I literally laughed out loud when I read ““We’re not dating,” he’d reassure me, as he proceeded to plan the dateliest dates I have ever been on.”

So funny!!!!! I wish we were friends, you are great. And kudos to Joanna for hiring you.

Claire Rush

November 19, 2015 9:04 pm

Cutest. Story. Ever.
Seriously loving this.

Danielle

November 19, 2015 8:19 pm

Caroline, I always enjoy your pieces and the way reading them makes me feel like I’m catching up with an old friend over a glass of wine!

I fell for my husband in a similar way, in that I was opposed to dating after a fiercely shattered heart. So in the unlikeliest of moments, we met and he swept me away in a way that was so unlike my nature- spontaneous, quick, without looking back. Best surprise ever, and from the first moment it’s always felt so natural and normal and right!

Sending you lots of luck and love :).

Emilie

November 19, 2015 7:28 pm

I love this post so much that I had to comment! I would love to read more of your writting :)

Samantha

November 19, 2015 7:17 pm

This is exactly how my boyfriend and I started dating. 7 years ago!
We met or very first day of college. He was in ROTC and rushed a fraternity and was just so not my type. I was an art major with tattoos and purple hair.
Thankfully he was persistent and wouldn’t take no for an answer, because he is perfect for me.

Rachel

November 19, 2015 6:29 pm

This is such a cute story, and I am really enjoying reading the comments! My story was so different to everyone who has said that their relationship started with friendship. I bumped into my partner five years ago, and so began four years of dislike! Although he would always smile and say hello when we saw each other (we had a similar social circle and often crossed paths) I just didn’t like him at all! Then for some unknown, but ultimately wonderful, reason, one day I returned his smile and we spent the whole night talking. It’s now been over a year and I’ve never been in such a loving relationship. We alway joke that it’s a fine line between love and hate! Xx

Anna

November 19, 2015 6:22 pm

Ha! This is the story of my husband and me. What a Wonderful story of how love catches you out!!

julie

November 19, 2015 6:05 pm

I met my husband sophomore year of college (he lived down the hall from me in the dorm!) I was friendly with him, he was in my circle of friends, but had zero romantic interest in each other. I had a boyfriend, he had a girlfriend. Fast forward 4.5 years (we were in separate grad schools) we reconnected and both fell in love hard! It was totally unexpected. We were engaged 10 months later and married less than a year after that. !! So I guess it took a long and short amount of time for me.

Mandy

November 19, 2015 4:51 pm

Caroline, this is the best post EVER! I love your writing. I was grinning ear-to-ear like an idiot. So cute. The best. Can’t wait to hear more stories from you.

Jessica Hitchcock

November 19, 2015 4:23 pm

Love this post! There’s nothing like a good love story.

November 19, 2015 4:22 pm

Oh my goodness, this is so timely! I’m going through this exact situation right now! I actually started crying while reading this, thank you :)

Esther Schwartz

November 19, 2015 3:53 pm

“Psycho!” chimed a chorus of friends.
LOVE this line! Cracked me up… true true true

Natalia

November 19, 2015 3:43 pm

Love this post!

It’s sort of what’s happening to me right now. I met a friend five years ago, never thought I would be falling for him (I was in a serious VERY long term relationship), but we have so much in common, we just click!

This really touches all my strings.

Cait

November 19, 2015 3:42 pm

I love your story Caroline! Good for him being persistent – so sweet.
When I met my husband, I knew by the end of the evening that I wanted to marry him, but also felt insanely grateful just to have met him, be his friend, and know he existed. Even though it was a long time before anything was official, the whole time we were just friends (in separate countries, mostly) was so happy, even though I was always hoping and waiting for the next thing (which felt completely inevitable). I found out later he had been hoping to meet me and knew he wanted to get married too. Our 5th anniversary was in September and we’re expecting our third baby!

Jennifer

Reply to Cait

November 19, 2015 4:33 pm

Kelley

November 19, 2015 3:40 pm

Sounds like a special guy…

Nikki

November 19, 2015 3:31 pm

i love this story <3

michella

November 19, 2015 3:21 pm

Beautiful post! My husband pulled something very similar. I love that he knew our potential before I did and, just like your beau, he calmly figured about a way around me talking us both out of it. Best of luck to you!

The Pastiche

November 19, 2015 3:10 pm

I love this piece. Caroline, you are SUCH a good writer.

Caroline Donofrio

Author

Reply to The Pastiche

November 19, 2015 3:18 pm

Thank you! xx

Juliana

November 19, 2015 2:59 pm

I read your blog every day — just had to say, this is one of your best posts – SO well written!
xo

Jody

November 19, 2015 2:15 pm

This was such a good read, I had to read it twice!

Darcy H

Reply to Jody

November 19, 2015 2:44 pm

Very well written.

Nina Leung

November 19, 2015 2:10 pm

Love this post! Everyone falls in love in such different ways. It’s been awhile for me, I actually had to stop and count the years since I fell in love with my husband (18!). It happened very quickly. We actually did date, but it didn’t feel like dating, not in the way we we grew up to think. It was just 2 people hanging out having great conversations. Then it just naturally evolved into a relationship with fights and tears, misunderstandings, deeper connections, and strong attachments with each other and all happened within only about 3 months. That’s when I knew that this was it, no one could make me laugh as hard or feel special and smart and cared for and I still believe that now, even more so, actually, if that’s possible.
Great post. Falling in love is probably the single best thing to happen to a person.

Shanti

Reply to Nina Leung

November 19, 2015 3:39 pm

what a sweet and beautiful comment and story <3

Lashley

November 19, 2015 2:06 pm

Sounds familiar! I had dated a barista from my local coffee shop for about a year. A while after we broke up, I reconnected with one of his co-workers/friends. I did not want to go down that road again. We non-dated for a bit (We saw Up! and ate pizza! Shoulda known then.), the I finally caved.

6 years later, we’re married with a toddler. Hold on tight, lady, it could be a wild ride!

Lubna

November 19, 2015 2:03 pm

What a lovely story :)
With me, it takes me a while to warm up to guys which is why I will accept dates from guys I have lukewarm interest in… I want to get to know the person better before deciding if I’m interested or not.

When it gets to the point where we have chemistry AND they seem decent and trustworthy, I tend to fall hook, line and sinker.

– Lubna | The Digital Review

Mariana

November 19, 2015 2:00 pm

Reading this was like watching an amazing romantic comedy! And with a happy ending!!! Thanks for sharing. X

Jenny

November 19, 2015 1:58 pm

“This is how I was tricked into dating.” – what a charming and funny account. Love it!

Michelle

November 19, 2015 1:53 pm

So cute – although this reminds me more of the second half of You’ve got mail – where they just “keep running into each other” until she realized that he’s the one she wishes she was in love with… sigh… :)

Nat Lewis

November 19, 2015 1:51 pm

What a cute story! I met the love of my life at an airport for 5 minutes in 2012.
He emailed me minutes after to say “You look like my future wife. And if that’s out of line, let’s just blame it on the jet-lag.”
I figured it wasn’t too out-of-line and we got married in November.

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Meg

Reply to Nat Lewis

November 20, 2015 3:14 am

This is ADORABLE! Congratulations!

Emily.

November 19, 2015 1:42 pm

hey caroline…
so happy for you! he sounds perfect. I think we are all dying to know HOW and WHERE one meets someone who defies all current stereotypes of guys these days. please share!

Ksullivan

Reply to Emily.

November 19, 2015 8:54 pm

Yes, please. It’s been a dating desert! And, I’d love to hear where peeps are with online dating. I’m such a fraidy cat about it!

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