My Sister’s Awesome Dating Tip

Perfect timing. Was paralyzed by fear last week in the crush I currently have. Trying to word a message correctly, etc. Worrying about his mood when really, I need to care how my own day is going, cultivate my own confidence and let the right man be drawn to that.
Thanks for posting this again!!

I stumbled over this post and keep thinking about it and the simplest advice – they either like you, or they don’t. I am married, with a kiddo, great friends, and a strong family…and like so many, I’ve spent years being performative and getting wrapped so tightly about trying to orchestrate things to ensure I’m well-liked. It is exhausting, and at the end of the day, takes away so much joy and authenticity. I read this post a few weeks ago, and it is so simple, but I have been returning to it over and over. Thank you.

I read a great quote once that summed up dating for me: “If he likes you, you will know. If he doesn’t, you will be ‘confused’.”

Wish I had read it a few months earlier when I went through a long period of confusion! I ended up with a long-time friend who I am not embarrassed around and isn’t embarrassed by me even when I car dance to Copacobana on the radio.

Did we ever get the reveal on Caroline’s haircut choice? If we did, I missed it and I REALLY want to know!

My dad always used to say that you can tell a lot about a man by the way he treats his mother – I think that is definitely true!

It took me over a decade of dating people to figure this out. I wish I had someone with that much simple insight in my life back then. Ha!

This is great Joanna. I always ask myself when I’m dating someone new, “would I want my son to imitate this person. Would he be a good influence on my son (or daughter)”. If there is hesitation, then there is probably no point in going forward. I always ask this question because I’m a single mother with a son.

I’ve been single for a long time. I was hooking up with a friend for about a year. We used to date years ago and stayed friends and started hooking up, then stopped, and started again, and just stopped again. I THINK it’s a blessing in disguise. i have to get out and date but I have no idea where to start. My friend says eye contact. Let’s hope it works!

Love that! Simple ideas can be so freeing. I love your Mom’s advice too: “You’re only responsible for half the conversation.” How wise and true!

Great advice from your sister! I’m happily married, but this advice is definitely something I try to apply to the new friendships I’m making.

That, and whenever the over-analytical self doubt creeps in over something they said, did, or a look on their face, I repeat the phrase “You’re awesome and people like you.” It actually helps.

http://www.fullbellywornsoles.com

This is great advice. It seems like there are a lot of unhelpful cliches and articles and books when it comes to dating, but it’s a lot simpler than that, isn’t it? Your sister is so wise.

My dating life…well since I’m currently single and even the guys who seem like “good guys” end up leaving me waiting in a parking lot for over an hour never to show up (yep, that just happened yesterday), I don’t have the healthiest outlook on the dating scene. As for how long you should wait? I’d say as long as you can. A former bf of mine told me he knew he liked me because I DIDNT want to put out right away. He said it showed I was serious about a relationship :)

This post came at the perfect time. I have had a crush on my perfect man for a very very long time and now I just really want to ask him out even though I am a huge chicken and might pass out in the middle of doing it. I’m totally fine if he says no, but I see him fairly often at my work. I just need to keep remembering that not everyone will have feelings for the people who like them and it is ok. He’s still a good person if he’s not into me.

Thanks for being spot-on, as always!

This reminds me of another article/blog I read recently, along the same lines. It’s great advice. It starts with, “Think about this for a moment: Why would you ever choose to be with someone who is not excited to be with you?

There’s a grey area in dating many people get hung up on — a grey area where feelings are ambiguous or one person has stronger feelings than the other. This grey area causes real, tangible issues. As a man, a huge question is often whether to be persistent and continue pursuing a woman even when she seems lukewarm or hot/cold on your advances. For women, a common question is what to do with men who make their feelings ambiguous.”

http://markmanson.net/fuck-yes

haha, I’m with your twin sister. Despite believing that, there are times when I have still overanalyzed. And who knows, maybe all the drama/misstep or whatever was in my head and went unnoticed or was unimportant to him. This discussion reminds me of early reality shows of a few years ago that had all this dating advice, or dating gurus — there was one show based in San Francisco, can’t remember the title. But I was hooked for a few episodes while two dating experts would advise women on how to proceed with some dating prospects. It was weird and too much; you followed along on dates, saw the woman preparing, talking on the phone before and after, and so on. It was always orchestrated to look casual and effortless, but it seemed exhausting. Such programs, also ones like The Bachelor, wouldn’t exist if everyone followed your sister’s advice.

It seems so simple but it’s the best advice. What you say in a text won’t change how someone feels about you. Your sister sounds very smart!

lenoradrive.blogspot.com

I was a hot mess during my dating years! So that advice would have been awesome. I like how you also correlates it to friendships because I’m slowly getting that! I know we’ve all discussed how difficult it is to make friends in our thirties and I tend to quickly expect people to like/treat me like a close friend, but they may not feel it! So the advice is duly-noted!!

This is actually such great advice considering how simple it is, I’ll keep it in mind next time I start to fret about dating (which is often, haha)

Charlotte’s Web | The London Project

That’s great advice. I’m long married but I am currently trying to make new girlfriends, which feels an awful lot like dating. I’m definitely finding myself sweating the small stuff when it comes to chatting up moms at school or on the playground. It can be pretty rough and scary, I like the idea of shrugging it all off and just being my weird ol self.

I’d say that you just need to be honest. Don’t be cryptic! Where did I learn this from? From watching too much K-drama :P -Audrey | Brunch at Audrey’s

this is similar to my: “you never have to guess whether a guy likes you…” it’s just obvious. and if you find yourself constantly guessing, there’s your answer. :) #happydating

This is great advice! But, yeah did he like you? give us a little detail here!! ;)

Sara
506 Miles: from Detroit to Nashville

Oh my! It is so true. That book “He’s Just Not That Into You” comes to mind. It seems so silly and obvious, but it’s spot on.

Not quite a dating comment but similar in it’s simplicity. When I was lamenting to my brother over the fact I had to return to work after my son was born (we had a stay at home mom), he said to me “don’t worry about it, he doesn’t know any different”. It was simple & remarkably soothing.

yes! i love this – it’s so true…. ‘he’s just not that into you’ is a definite game changer! http://www.thewanderlusthasgotme.blogspot.co.uk

this is such great advice, thank you!! I’m starting to date again after a semi recent break up. I’m new to New York City and it has been exciting and awkward and fun. but I really needed this advice. I would love to hear more :)