Relationships

How Old Were You When You Lost Your Virginity?

Ok, it’s a rainy Thursday. Let’s talk…

How old were you when you first had sex?

I was 20. I was a college sophomore. I had a boyfriend. I was nervous.

For weeks leading up to the big event, true to form, I overanalyzed everything: Should I move around in a certain way? Was I supposed to make sexy noises? Would everything fit together the way it was meant to? Would he like it? Would I like it? Would it feel natural? Honestly, the idea of it felt so awkward.

But then my (cooler) friend told me a handy tip: When you’re making out, simply focus on how it feels. Don’t think about anything else. Because if it feels good to you, she told me, it will almost always feel good to your partner.

So, one morning, I just did that. :)

Spill the beans: How old were you when you lose your virginity? Who was the lucky guy or girl?

P.S. Would you wait to kiss until your wedding day?

(Photo by Todd Selby)

  1. I was 17 and 3/4 when I did it for the first time! It was with my first boyfriend in high school and at first I couldnt tell what he was doing or wanted! It was my first time but I think he was WAY more scared cause he was shaking… Almost 3 years one baby later still in love and getting married in a month when he comes home from home from marine corp mos training! We are best friends… I knew it the moment I saw him I would marry him lol and it is almost about to happen!

  2. “I’m thinking all the marriage ones are Mormons?”

    “I think that the commenters who waited for marriage are mostly Mormon.”

    Um, no. :)

    I haven’t had sex yet, as I am waiting to find and marry my husband first. I am soon to be 25, and to negate some of the speculations of earlier posters, I am NOT Mormon. I am Christian, but that is only part of my decision to wait. I also live in the state of Washington, which is one of the most liberal places in the United States. Of my two best friends, one is also waiting for marriage, and she is an atheist, waiting for practical and romantic reasons only, without any religious “puritanical” influence or upbringing; she’s 25. My other best friend, who is also not Mormon, just got married a few months ago at the age of 23 and lost her virginity that night to her husband, who also lost his virginity to her; he was 25, and also not Mormon. Oh, and they both saved their first kiss for their wedding. Come to think of it, I do not know any Mormons personally, but I do know a lot of people who are waiting or who did wait, my parents included.

    I think it is true that many Mormons wait, but plenty of people also wait who are not Mormon. There are a variety of reasons why people wait. Some do so in part because of spiritual beliefs. Others do so for a wide range of personal reasons. Waiters do not all fit in one big box. We are diverse!

  3. i did at the age of 27…infact 3 monthx b4 my 28th brthday…the person wid whom i did it was my fioncee…previously he remianed my boyfrnd for 2 years and just after havng our engagmnt we did it the very next day. Mine experience was soo sad so poor althu he loved me bt he treated me so poorly i felt a lot of pain he didnt kiss me even strtaway he went fr it :( i didnt xpct it frm a guy who loved me sine last two years…got an engagmnr wid me but why did he treat me da way he did:( i hve lstnd such encounters aftr wtng till engmnt shd be too romntc bt dat was nt in my case…i loved him bt i felt sad dat i had prsrvd myslf till 28 just fr dis spcl momnt bt he had ruined it now we r married, i never had dis complain wid him, bt still i feel sad abt it ;(

  4. I was 15 and he was 16 (we’re English and the legal age is 16 here) and it was with a boy i’d been dating for 3-4 months but we were together for four years, he’s my best friend and still has been even after a year apart (we are talking about getting back together.)

    not going to lie it was painful, messy and completely unplanned. But i wouldn’t change a thing because it was with someone who I loved and who loved me.

    My mum hit the roof but its not like we weren’t safe.

    I think that as long as your in love and safe then do as you please. you just have to be careful because i know many people who weren’t as fortunate as me and were pressured and used.

    Pick someone who you trust and love, don’t be pushed into anything your not ready for. it’s your choice and your life.

  5. i was 16 in my room with my best friend girl.

  6. i was 16 and it was with my best friend girl.

    now i am 17 and i always remember that time.

  7. 15, freshman in high school. i was WAY to curious about the whole thing and i wanted the “virginity” thing to be done with.
    some advice: make sure your in love, don’t do it based strictly on curiosity.
    reading these stories about all these women being in love with the first guy they did it with makes me wish i could do it over.

  8. 17. To my boyfriend at the time. It was in the back of his van. Not romantic AT ALL.

  9. 21 on my wedding night. It was so difficult to wait, but it was the best decision. That night was perfect.

  10. I was 20 and lost it after I was married. I am so glad that I waited until marriage. I find it interesting that so many other commenters here also waited because definitely my peers pressured me a lot about the fact that I was still a virgin and said some really hurtful things to me about the fact that I wanted to wait until I was married. Oh and for the record, I’m not Mormon either. I’m Lutheran (WELS).

  11. I am 24 and haven’t lost it yet. I’m currently engaged and waiting until my wedding night. :-)

  12. MJ says...

    Reading all these is fun! And encouraging.

    At the age of 27, I’m still waiting for the “I dos” first.

  13. I always get so sad when this topic comes up because my first sexual experience was when I was 17 but it was sexual assault. I always mourn that I wan’t able to experience losing my virginity romantically (or by choice).

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  15. I was 24, and it was with the man I eventually married. Honestly, I wish we had waited until we were married, but he was not a virgin and didn’t want to wait. But, good news is that sex got even better after we were married!

  16. It was two weeks ago, on my wedding night. I am 27.

    I couldn’t have asked for more.

  17. i’m 21 & waiting till marriage… & p.s. i’m not mormon

  18. I was 18, he was 16, and we had been dating for four months. It was the day after my high school graduation, and I just felt like it was a step into adulthood. I don’t really remember it too well, but he says it was great! We’re living together and engaged 9 years later, and it’s gotten much better since then!

  19. 17 – It was the first time for both of us – Still together after 7 years :)

  20. Still a virgin at 24. Waiting for my wedding day!

  21. I was 20 as well. On the last night of my first year of university. He came over from Australia to see me after meeting 5 months beforehand when he was on holiday in England. After months of skyping and missing, we were together and still are over a year later. It was the best way to lose my virginity and he was so lovely.

  22. 18 on senior skip day with my then boyfriend who was also a virgin. Four months later I told him “he wasn’t doing it for me anymore” – um hello, you are 18 with your first – you are not that sexually mature to even know what does it for you! Hilarious. Obviously we broke up shortly thereafter. Whenever I see him (at the gym) it’s still awkward.

  23. erm….

    much younger than you!

    i was waayyy too young. yup.

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  25. 19 – College Sophomore!

  26. I was 27.

    It was my wedding day and my husband and I were both virgins, and Mormon. For us it was worth the wait.

  27. I was 29. I had wanted to wait until marriage, but was going through a hard time and made a bad choice. I regret it for sure, but have tried to learn from it and move on. When I find the person I want to marry I hope to wait until the wedding night.

  28. 21, wedding night. Definitely not Mormon! It was so tender and special and I am thankful for the trust we built by honoring each other’s decision to wait.

  29. Haven’t yet… 24, waiting for my husband.

  30. I’m 19, still a virgin. I want to do it so bad with my bf (who is also a virgin) but I know I am not ready (in case there’re incidents).
    Oh hormones!
    Hope it will be amazing when we are both ready!

  31. At 22 with my husband on my wedding night, almost 6 years ago.

  32. I was 15, a sophomore in high school. It was with my first “real” boyfriend, a senior. I don’t regret it at all. I loved him, but he wasn’t my first real love, and that’s okay. It was fun, both our first times and we respected one another. I’m a big advocate for sleeping with people before you’re married. Call me a bad influence but you wouldn’t buy a car without a test drive, right?! ;)

  33. Nineteen. I was studying abroad in London and determined not to come back to the States a virgin.

  34. I was 14 and he was 16. We were both virgins so made it nice. It hurt and after, his mom called and he had to go home to eat dinner! Ha! I waited a while to do it again. We were together for a few years and talk to this day. I was too young but the last of my friends to lose it. I’m glad girls are waiting. I hope my daughter waits. Other than that, no regrets.

  35. 19 with an older guy I had been dating for two weeks. We had fooled around before then and he made sure I was ready…I was ready to jump his bones! At first it hurt but he had eased up and was great at giving oral. 8 years later and many sexual experiences with the same man later we eloped and are still together. I feel fortunate to be with someone who has let me explore my sexuality and have grown with. Now I think the more interesting question is when did you have your first orgasm…for women it’s not always concurrent with when we first have sex with another person.

  36. 23, wedding night, not Mormon…or Southern Baptist.

  37. 27.

    a bit later than others, and was more a reaction to getting my heart truly broken for the first time and being in not the best state of mind. the guy was nice, but not even a boyfriend or the man who broke my heart :-/ was totally unplanned and unexpected for me, but helped me figure out what i really wanted and to be more sure and confidant in myself.

  38. 19, on my wedding night to my college sweetheart.

  39. I lost my virginity at age 18 in the August before freshman year of college. I had known the boy since I was in kindergarten and we had grown up together. We started dating March 29th of our senior year and 5 months later lost our virginity to each other. Just this past March 29th on our 9 year anniversary we were married :)

  40. 21 on our wedding night.

    Best decision of my life.

  41. I was 21, it was on my wedding night. still married, 8 years later. :)

  42. I was 15 almost 16 with my high school boyfriend. I really don’t know why there are so many people on here who waited. I only knew 1 or 2 and they were very religious in my high school Even some of them got with their long term boyfriends. I guess I just don’t see the point!

  43. I think I was 19. With my boyfriend at the time. I didn’t care if it was special, I just wanted to get it over with- everyone makes such a big deal about it. It was meh, but then again, he was meh. The first time with my fiance, now THAT was something. :o)

  44. @Sarah-oh, how delightfully critical of you. I was not passing judgement whereas you actually are. That aside, let me explain… I am not being boastful about this topic at all the way you’re accusing. I was only responding to the question Jo asked. Sorry if my answer stirs up some angry feelings in you. It wasn’t at all what I intended. I thought this was just a friendly discussion about a topic everyone was meant to weigh in upon if they so chose. I don’t go around judging others or sharing this personal story about my wedding night. The only people who know are those very close to me. I’m proud of this in a personal way, the same way I would be any major accomplishment i.e. running a marathon or earning a promotion at work, etc. I am also proud of my friends who accomplished the same feat because I well know it was extremely difficult, took a ton of patience and perseverance, and meant a lot to them. It’s somewhat rare and notable so for the purposes of this discussion I decided to share this unique perspective. While I know and totally get that not everyone would even WANT to do it, I also know it is something not everyone COULD do. I have so enjoyed reading the other responses because I actually appreciate the differences in others, especially regarding this topic as I know it’s ultimately such a personal journey based on so many aspects in a person’s life. Do I feel superior for waiting? Not at all. Do you feel superior by throwing out that criticism?

  45. I was 19 when I first had sex. Then, at 25, I lost my virginity in the biblical sense to my now-husband :) I was *super* nervous both times, but it quickly got to be the most comfortable, fun thing ever with Andy!

  46. I had to post Anon just in case family or friends are also Cup of Jo readers, but I could not pass up the opportunity to share. I was 17, a few months shy of my 18th birthday. I planned the whole event including playing a particular CD I was obsessed with, lighting candles, etc. The dude was my high school crush’s best friend. I picked him out of spite for my crush, but also because he was game and did it mostly on a dare.

    Everything was going according to plan until my Dad who usually worked late came home hours early. Since I was blasting the music, I didn’t hear his car or him come into the house. I didn’t even know he was there until he KNOCKED on my door. I screamed, “WAIT!!!!” and as I tried to throw clothes on, the boy tried to hide under the bed. The rest is a bit hazy (repressed memory), but from what I remember the boy ran out in his underwear and out of the house. I hid in the closet in shame crying. That night I couldn’t decide whether to be horrified which I was or excited that I had semi-accomplished my goal. After that I waited until I had a legit bf, but don’t remember really enjoying it until mid-college.

  47. oh boy, I was 16…
    And it was with one of my stepbrother’s uber sexy friends. I don’t regret it, but I do think I was way too young. Hopefully my kids will know better!

  48. I was 22 on my wedding night. The hubs was my first boyfriend–we had been a couple for three and half years by the time we were married, though we had known each other for about seven years. I’d had a HUGE crush on him since I was 15, and always hoped I would marry someone LIKE him since I obviously couldn’t catch the real thing. What I didn’t know was that he fell for me the moment he saw me and was just waiting for the perfect moment to ask me out. We waited until we were married because we just thought that felt right–we wanted our physical relationship to be a sign of our commitment and not to rush anything. We wanted our first night as husband and wife to be special, and it was.

    I’m usually the really flirty one between the two of us, but I suddenly incredibly shy, and he–the former “never-nude”–was so not. He was incredibly sweet, and we had lots of fun once we got over nerves. Totally wouldn’t change it, not even a little bit! ;]

  49. It was on my wedding night when I was 25. Afterwards, I was actually sad not to be a virgin anymore, which makes sense since I held onto my V card with such pride. It’s hard to change your thinking from “wait wait wait” to “do it do it do it” in just a few moments. However, I love sex with my husband now.

  50. I was 21 and I ended up marrying the stud. Twelve years later I’m still a very satisfied lady. I didn’t plan it that way but I have no regrets. Thank God!

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  52. I was 16 and he was my first boyfriend. Yeah, I know, way to wait for the perfect guy, right? We were together for a long time and it was…special, I think?? Long story short, it was also the first time I smoked weed so…it was an awkward situation all round!

    And I wouldn’t wait till marriage to kiss. I want to really KNOW the person I pledge my life to and holding those little things back isn’t in my agenda.

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  54. 19, with someone I met that day. I was travelling around Europe on my own, and I met a nice guy in my hostel who I went sightseeing that day with. A group of us went out for dinner that night, and then dancing, and we just ended up leaving the dancefloor for… the side of the road, behind some bushes! It was really fun, adventurous, and he was very nice. I never saw him again, even though we exchanged emails a couple of times afterwards. No regrets at all, and a fairly hilarious story… especially as the city’s name is Split!

  55. I was 15 and 17 years later we have been married for 11 years.

  56. 21, on my wedding night! Still married, 13 years later. :)

  57. I was 17 and it was with my boyfriend at the time. He was so sweet and hilarious, it made total sense for us to be together. We broke up eventually but had sex as adults sporadically when neither of us had a significant other. I’m married to a wonderful guy now (who adores the other guy) and he’s engaged to a girl I adore. He’s still one of my best friends.

    I’m glad he wasn’t the only person I’ve ever had sex with because I thought it was decent sex at the time but I’ve since had really good sex (especially with my husband, who I had sex with LONG before we were married).

  58. I was 19, it wasn’t my boyfriend but a friend I had been hanging out with…and was friends with…I was just about to go back to college…he was about to move back to Kentucky….it just happened…I don’t regret it and it was a wonderful experience.

  59. It was with my first real boyfriend, we were seniors in high school and I was 17. The condom ended up breaking, we freaked out and ended up at planned parenthood the next morning for the morning after pill. HA. It’s funny now, but back then I was SO SCARED. Everything turned out fine, we ended up waiting a couple more months to do it again. I think we were together for 5 years after that. What a first time it was.

  60. Oh Joanna I just love LOVE love you for talking about sex on your blog. It is something that is so missing from the blogosphere and a great reminder that to be a fabulous, strong, creative women you can still be vulnerable and sexy.

    It was a few weeks after my 21st birthday… In a frat house. Extra points for classiness over here! It was an incredibly freeing experience that made me feel like for the first time I had complete ownership over my own existence. I was taking a course on German Love and Dersire in Literature and was struck by a line that said “Ist das Liebe? Nein, das ist Freiheit” – Is this love? No it is freedom.

  61. I was 35. Do I get a prize for being the oldest commenter? It might make up for 20 plus years of feeling like a weirdo :) Sarah x

  62. Carlyree and Kate Harvey–I am not religious but I am pretty sure pride is right up there with lust…

  63. 21 and on my wedding night. We both decided to wait and it was totally worth the wait. We have been married now for 15 years and are still finding ways to make sex exciting! SO glad I didn’t sleep with my high school boyfriend. That relationship was a disaster!

  64. Not yet. I just turned 30. I have no plans to get married.

  65. I was 16, and it was with my first serious boyfriend. He was older than me so I told him I had done it before, though he probably knew better. We broke up a few months later when I moved out of state.

  66. I’m ashamed nor proud of the age I had then. It was our choice, and the world didn’t have anything to do with it. No comparisons with friends, or thoughts about culture, religion, parents, age. Just a deep agreement between my boyfriend and me, and the respect for the other and for ourselves to wait until we were both, without a trace of doubt, entirely ready. We both felt confident enough to simply say “no” before that, even though that was by no means always easy.
    The second thing I really liked about it, was how we built up to it. We were two very horny young people and experimented in every possible way during the months before we actually “had sex”. So we knew our own and each other’s body so well, that the first time was absolutely wonderful and so was every time after that.
    Thirdly, we trusted each other completely. We were lovers, yes, but more importantly, we were buddies. This allowed us to forget about shame or stress or pressure, and guaranteed safety.
    I believe this (the self-respect, the knowing each other and the trust) is why people want to wait until they have found someone they want to be together with for the rest of their life. On the other hand, horniness and playfulness are also so important and enjoyable, that I can also totally understand the ladies who don’t wait for it. It’s completely up to you, though I guess it depends on who you meet, too. I know I have been incredibly lucky with this young man, whom I broke up with a year later, but who is still one of my best friends. I was 13, he was 15.

  67. 24, wedding night. Very special and not very good but wouldnt trade it for the world. And now the sex is amazing!! reason for waiting: wanted to make sure that if i would get pregnant that i had someone who would stick around and that the child would grow up in a family where they were wanted. Always been the responsible type eventhough (trust me) it was difficult waiting for mr right and for the wedding… but it was more a moral standing. (so im guessing that all these people who have waited for marraige are not mormons! hehe)

  68. 19. We had been talking online for a few months long distance. I ended up losing my virginity to him the first week we met in person and it felt just right (even though friends thought it was such a slutty move). Two years of long distance plus another five years later, we’re still together and about to marry!

  69. I was 19 with my boyfriend of roughly a year. I always thought it was important to be in love with the person, and I definitely was (and still am). Unfortunately it didn’t work, and after many tears and finally a doctor’s visit I found out I have a condition known as vaginismus. I’m now 21 and still with my boyfriend who has been incredibly supportive, but still yet to lost my virginity.

  70. i was 18 – i wish I had waited longer as the boy I lost it to didnt really care for me the way I cared for him…but you cant look back.