Design

Do or Don’t: Honeymoon Registry

After Alex and I got hitched almost three years ago, we went on a two-week honeymoon to Italy and Greece. To help afford our splurgy trip, we skipped the regular household registry and instead created a honeymoon registry. We signed up with buy-our-honeymoon.com (don’t worry, guests never see the tacky name!). Then Alex and I spent a fun evening listing our trip plans, restaurants, hotels, even sun hats. Happily, our guests seemed to be into it, and it made our honeymoon possible.

Thoughts? Do or don’t? You can see our actual registry below

Here’s part of our registry:


(The images above are faded because our friends and family bought the items. When they choose an item to buy, they just send the money directly through paypal, and then you save up for your trip.)

P.S. Or would you do a restaurant registry?

  1. Annonymous says...

    An invitation requests the pleasure or honor of the guest’s company to witness vows. That is the gift from the guest to the wedding parties. The host or hostess often return the guests kindness by entertaining them with food, drink, dancing and entertainment as their budget will allow. Any other gifts given by the guests is a further kindness given of their own free will. Because soliciting and pressuring friends and family to give money is a common practice today only means that rude behavior is common today. Allowing registry sites and business’s who get a share of the swag to decide it’s acceptable to exploit one’s closest friends and family with such a lack of courtesy is reasonable only to people who’s manners have been overcome by their greed. I agree with Ms. Manners. Rude behavior is still rude no matter how big the gain.

  2. i love this idea!! my fiance and i are getting married in sept and we included a honeymoon cash gift on our registry (through myregistry.com). we also included some traditional items from department stores so our guests have the option to chose (i know some people don’t like the idea of giving money just for the honeymoon)… hopefully the idea will be well received.

  3. High mountains and blue waters and boats Lost in front of bright lights ..Creative exists only in dreams

  4. Such a perfect spot for honeymoon. All those lights and cottages, and the view, it really looks relaxing and romantic to me. Such a great place for lovers.
    web design ventura

  5. I’m in the process of doing this, except we don’t want to put in specific things, so I’m finding it kind of frustrating, as the sites aren’t really set up to allow for open ended $ amounts unless you just have a generic gift amount. We’re registering at more traditional places as well for those who don’t like the idea. Our site specifically says that we don’t expect anything out of our invited guests except that they show up, have fun and take some silly photos. And we made sure to explain that our adventure registry is not about us asking to fund airfare and lodging, which we actually don’t want them to do, but for our friends and family to choose bonus adventures for us while we’re on honeymoon, thus if they choose to give a gift it’s the gift of memories, and not a spare blender.

    I’m not actually sure whether I should bother to run the registry on honeyfund

  6. I’m in the process of doing this, except we don’t want to put in specific things, so I’m finding it kind of frustrating, as the sites aren’t really set up to allow for open ended $ amounts unless you just have a generic gift amount. We’re registering at more traditional places as well for those who don’t like the idea. Our site specifically says that we don’t expect anything out of our invited guests except that they show up, have fun and take some silly photos. And we made sure to explain that our adventure registry is not about us asking to fund airfare and lodging, which we actually don’t want them to do, but for our friends and family to choose bonus adventures for us while we’re on honeymoon, thus if they choose to give a gift it’s the gift of memories, and not a spare blender.

    I’m not actually sure whether I should bother to run the registry on honeyfund

  7. Ha! We did the exact same thing, only we live in Greece and when we got married (a few weeks ago) we kindly asked our guests, instead of giving us presents, to help us make our dream come true: to visit New York. And we are now planning our trip for September :) Now, I don’t find it wrong to ask for something more useful and I would totally recommend!
    Cheers, from Athens, Greece.

  8. Julianna says...

    We did a honeyfund registry for guests who wanted to give us a gift because we just didn’t want more STUFF. We had a small wedding of only very close friends and family, so we were definitely not looking to get money. I know for my close friends, I WANT to give them a wedding gift – even better if it’s something they truly treasure. It’s the random baby shower and bridal shower invitations with registry info that I don’t like!! THAT always seems like asking for gifts – especially when it’s from people I’m not that close to who know I won’t be flying across the country for their baby shower…

    We personalized our honeyfund by taking a chalkboard heart with us on our honeymoon and writing personal thank yous to those who contributed, for each thing they had gifted us (chalkboard thought/speech bubbles were a part of our wedding). For example, for people that contributed to a spa treatment, we’d have a photo of us with at the spa and the sign saying “Enjoying our spa retreat in ____. Thank you!!”. We printed the pictures when we got back and sent our thank you cards with the photo expressing how grateful we were to have had their love and presence at our wedding. Our friends commented how heartfelt our thanks were. We did end up putting an amazon registry as well, just in case people didn’t feel comfortable with something like that (the old-fashioned folk), but thankfully, not too many folks used it!

  9. Hi Joanna, I think the honeymoon registry is a great idea! but like many readers mentioned, I was worried about what guests may think. We also didn’t really need household items but ended up registering because a few friends and family literally demanded we do! They didn’t what to get us otherwise, even though we told them gifts were not necessary.

    I’m very curious, do you know where the photo you posted with this post was taken? it looks like the Amalfi coast, but I’m curious to know the exact location.

  10. My husband and I did this and had tons of fun putting it together. It makes sense when you already have household items. I was afraid others would think it was tacky, but we got a lot of compliments on it. :)

  11. Anonymous says...

    Who cares where the money goes? Either way you can spend whatever amount you feel comfortable with, whether it is on some boring household gift or something they will actually enjoy. I don’t understand why people want to give gifts that no one wants just because that is what THEY want to give. If you think it is so tacky just don’t come to my wedding and I will use the money saved to get what I want!

  12. Christy says...

    I totally get why people do this, but I think it depends on your family dynamics/background. I think it would go over like a lead balloon in mine, who are super terrific, but not super worldly or cosmopolitan. Especially older family members…many have never been on a plane, let alone left the country…asking for a $200 couples massage on the beach or a helicopter ride or yacht outing or something like that would come off as snobby and overly extravagent. Kitchen stuff, however, they understand. Not saying it’s right or wrong, tacky or not, I think it just depends on some touchy cultural factors.

  13. Fascinated says...

    Totally tacky. This makes me appreciate more the cultures where the only wedding gift given is cash — it’s more honest! Don’t pretend you’re buying 2 sun hats for $30 or spending $20 on glasses of wine that are free on international flights.

    But considering you’re making money off everyone who clicks through to the buy-our-honeymoon site (it’s not like you objectively mention alternatives), you’re not beyond a little tackiness for the sake of making money.

  14. Anonymous says...

    Really tacky! If you already have everything you need for household goods, aren’t you capable of buying your own honeymoon? We’re all adults here. If friends want to give you a gift, they will. I guess it depends on your friends but I would never tell my friends or family what to buy me for my “splurgy trip”

  15. Anonymous says...

    When I first heard of these things, I thought they sounded fine. But when a family member actually used one, I have to say it just didn’t feel right.

    I want to give a wedding gift that will last and (hopefully) be part of the couple’s daily life, not a the one-off that a trip is going to be. And reading through the list of activities we were supposedly paying for if we gave through the registry, their honeymoon sounded so over-the-top and self-indulgent. I wouldn’t begrudge anyone a dream vacation that they could, you know, pay for, but seeing them ask for handouts to take one nicer than I’d guess most of their guests had ever taken left a bad taste in the mouth.

    There was a lot of grousing among the extended family over that registry. It just felt very manipulative to a lot of us. And in the end, I noticed that not many seemed to give through it.

  16. Some friends of mine did this – I thought it was great! I was so excited to be able to buy them a massage for 2 at the hotel where they stayed. Any registry is, basically, asking for money/things – what’s the difference if it’s a set of silverware or a dinner for two?

  17. Sarah says...

    can’t say I’m a fan of this. Tacky to ask for money. If you can’t afford a honeymoon, don’t take one! I didn’t. I sure as heck wouldn’t ask for anyone else to pay for it. We didn’t register for our wedding at all. We had what we needed and I just think its tacky to ask for gifts. I did register for baby items for my first born, after being repeatedly asked to by my aunts and sisters. It was more of a “wish list” and only given to those who asked and insisted on being told exactly what to buy. I would never have advertised the list in any way. Just tacky, selfish, materialistic, greedy…

  18. I say DO! We never took a honeymoon, and mostly because we couldn’t really afford it. We didn’t register, either, but I think if you’re asking for “stuff” why not ask for whatever you really want? If you don’t need dishes, ask for a scooter ride in Roma! Why not?!

  19. Anonymous says...

    I may be alone in my opinion, but I am not a fan of any kind of registry. We requested that guests not give us gifts, but if they felt compelled to give one, we requested that they make a donation to their favorite charity. There is something offputting to me about the idea of creating a list of gifts that you want people to buy for you. I just couldn’t bring myself to register for anything. We received donations to Heifer International, various humane societies and Unicef. It made us feel good to know that people and animals that really needed help benefitted from our wedding.

  20. That is a great idea if you don’t accept cash. I am Asian Cash is King. We have never gave gift for a wedding in our entire life. It can help to pay for the wedding or the new life

    X
    Cammi
    http://www.cammilicious.com

  21. We did this, rather than asking for crap from Macy’s or Bed Bath and BEyond.
    But then again we already lived together before marriage and have everything we ever needed before we got married.

    But really- traveling is more important that what plates you will eat on – IN MY BOOK :)

  22. Anonymous says...

    Someone asked: For people who consider this tacky, I ask you – isn’t it all just money in the end?

    NO, it’s NOT just money in the end, unless you view wedding invitations as something you charge for – as in, “I invited them to my wedding, so they owe me money and I want something super awesome!”

    Okay, I know you aren’t thinking exactly that, but if you trace that statement back to the underlying assumption, there you are.

    A gift is a gesture of support and goodwill that the giver chooses. If the couple does need household stuff (or hardware!), a registry is cool. But the registry should be about needs, not luxuries some of your guests might not be able to afford for themselves or upgrades to chef-quality knives.

    If you don’t need anything, don’t register! People will buy you something small and personal and write you a check and feel good about it, and voila, honeymoon bucks.

    I think it’s really tacky to ask people directly to fund luxuries. I suppose I’ll make an exception if virtually every person at your wedding could afford a trip like that.

    And I softened a bit at the listings on your registry, which weren’t crazy expensive so didn’t seem as graspy, but I’m still at no.

    ~Ellen

  23. We often say if we got married this is what we would do. After living together for so many years, and at our age, there is just nothing we really need. Would rather travel!

    By the way where is that photo at???? I want to go ..

  24. Hmmm, I don’t know… I didn’t realize that was even an option!

    On the one hand, so many people who get married when they’re a bit older already have households set up and really don’t need a registry for household items, so it sort of makes sense to ask for something else. On the other hand, asking people to pay for your honeymoon seems a bit selfish… honeymoons are fun, but frivolous, not really “useful” or necessary. I don’t see it as a situation where everybody should have some sort of registry, so if you don’t register for household items, you should register for a honeymoon. (We actually asked for NO gifts because we already had two households of stuff. It never occurred to us to ask for money for our honeymoon.)

    I think maybe it depends on who’s coming to your wedding. We had a tiny immediate family-only wedding of parents and siblings with little kids, in the middle of a recession. I would have felt uncomfortable asking people who can’t afford to splurge on a trip for themselves to partially bankroll our expensive and somewhat lavish trip to Australia, even if each person only paid a small amount. On the other hand, in more flush times, with people who can afford to travel themselves, I think it would be fine.

  25. Laura says...

    Honestly, I think entirely way too much money is spent on weddings. If you want to do a fabulous honeymoon, and you’re paying for a 30K wedding, cut back on the wedding and use that money for the honeymoon.

    When it comes to registries though, people like getting others something a bit more specific and tangible. A lot of people feel it’s a bit impersonal to just throw money into an account.

    And someone mentioned all the shower gifts and ROI for themselves. I think the most tacky thing is when people track what others gave them for gifts and give the same. I knew someone who had a spreadsheet that tracked how much money people gave her for her wedding. When those guests later got married, she gave them the exact amount. Despite the fact that she got married young, so many of our friends really weren’t in a financial position to give much.

  26. My husband and I did something similar- we set aside all cash gifts from our wedding and had a wonderful first anniversary trip. It was so fun to plan and look forward to it all year!

  27. I think this is a great idea. I always give cash/check for weddings anyway – I am too disorganized to get to a store to buy something on a registry, am usually too late to get the inexpensive items online and am too lazy to think of a great unique gift. So this idea works perfectly for guests like me – it is a slightly prettier way for me to give the money I was going to give anyway!

  28. Anonymous says...

    I am surprised that many people find a honeymoon registry tacky, but don’t think it’s tacky to show up to a wedding, gulp down hundreds in food and alcohol, and not bring a gift. Equally tacky, people! For the record, I was utterly charmed by the honeymoon registry, particularly the idea of being able to buy beach reads and sun hats and bathing suits. I would love to do that for a loved one, and would cherish a picture of the gift being used. IMHO, you shouldn’t judge other people and if you can’t stop, maybe you shouldn’t be attending the happiest day of their lives….

  29. I want a wedding redo, so I can partake in help the honeymooners. We didn’t have a honeymoon as the wedding set us back and instead were stuck with 6 crockpots, a slow cooker and various other things I think are used to cook. I don’t cook…or crock pot, a honeymoon would have been fantastic!!

  30. Anonymous says...

    Love people calling it tacky, your wedding is a day when you dress up like a miss America contest – spray tan, false nails, big hair and a the biggest grin of your life- wear a huge white bedazzled dress costing at least twice your rent and its expected of your to wear a tiara, tacky is a world people have to be pretty careful using around weddings.
    A honeymoon registry is brilliant if it help people have a honeymoon they couldn’t normaly have. It’s tacky when you know the couple would be doing that stuff anyway and your gift is just adding to their healthy bank balances

  31. Elizabeth says...

    I got married last September and my husband and I did a traditional gift registry. For us it was the best choice since most of our household items were old and worn out (towels from college) or hand-me-downs from relatives. It was so nice to get all pretty new household/kitchen/bathroom items! However, I know someone who did a honeymoon registry and loved it, but she and her fiance already had a child and had lived together for several years and purchased their own new household items. I think that this completely depends on an individuals stage of life/age and whether or not you really need traditional items or not. If you’re happy with what you have or have purchased the items yourself, then opt for a honeymoon registry!

  32. It’s stressful trying to come up with a perfect gift for a couple so registries are really helpful. Some people value experiences more than things so I don’t see anything wrong with contributing to a very special experience for a couple. Besides, it’s not like the couple throwing the wedding isn’t spending money on the guests.

  33. It’s a big DO. My hubs and I registered at three places, Bloomingdales, Target, and for our honeymoon. It turned out to be a great solution – the price range was varied to suit everyone’s budget, and the choices of items went from traditional to fun which suited both our older relatives and our younger friends. Everyone ended up being happy – especially us. :-)

  34. We did this and it was great! We were moving to a tiny NYC apartment, so clearly had no want or space for 8 million random kitchen appliances. We used a site called Honeyfund that didn’t charge us any fees.

    Also, as a side note, I don’t understand why this could ever be considered tacky if you’re ok with a regular registry. I think it’s just our cultures affection for THINGS. Memories from cool experiences last a lifetime and build you as a person. Kitchenaides break. Shouldn’t the whole point of a wedding be to create forever memories with your new spouse, not useless things?

  35. Anonymous says...

    Hummmm… seems kind of tacky to ask for cash, which is essentially what you’re doing with a honeymoon registry. But then I also think registries in general are tacky. If your friends don’t know you well enough to know what you’d like as a token on your wedding day then why are they invited to the wedding in the first place?

  36. Anonymous says...

    As a follow up to my last comment – I looked up Miss Manners and she lumps all registries together as impolite:

    “These practices are no less vulgar for having become commonplace. There is no polite way to tell people to give you money or objects, and no polite way to entertain people at their expense. Begging is the last resort of the desperate, not a social form requiring others to help people live beyond their means. Miss Manners fails to understand why philanthropists would turn from the needy to the greedy, but she is not in the business of laundering rudeness to make it seem acceptable.”

    I do love her.

  37. Anonymous says...

    I think that as these become more common, they will seem less tacky.

    I still would be hesitant to do this, because it does seem sort of … not quite right… – but when I think about it, I don’t know why telling my friends which cake plate I want doesn’t.

    I wonder if wedding registries, which now seem “traditional” to me were once thought of as tacky?
    What does Miss Manners say about this new practice, does anyone know?

  38. Such a great idea..i wish I had thought of this earlier :) Love it! Thanks for sharing.

    Shruti-k.blogspot.com

  39. Melia Stoight says...

    My husband didn’t think it was proper to outright ask for money so we went the traditional route and registered for a bunch of things we didn’t need (uuugh!). If it was only up to me, we would have registered for a honeymoon fund…especially since we took a 5 week trip through Europe! Would have helped with expenses for sure. I do have one current complain about the honeymoon fund idea, however…. a friend of mine registered for a trip that she and her husband never went on, they’ll be married two years this November! Of course, I would never say anything about it to her, but I sort of think that was a tacky move. As a guest, it have me pleasure to know that I was contributing to such a fun trip in their life and I was excited to hear about it. But once a year went by and now almost two… I feel a bit swindled! I know a gift is a gift and I shouldn’t care whether it was used, spent or thrown away but something about asking for cash and not using it the way it was intended, really left a bad taste in my mouth. Do you have thoughts on situations like this? Should a couple be expected to use this registry money on a honeymoon or trip?

  40. Anonymous says...

    I’m getting married and we’ve decided not to do any registries. However, after reading your post I’d definitely do a honeymoon registry over a traditional registry. It seems much less materialistic, letting guests have a hand in creating memories.

    Also, “tacky” is such a pet peeve of mine! Its so judgy.

  41. My husband and I tried to do this- in addition to a traditional registry, for our older and more old-fashioned guests (we made it clear it was a one or the other sort of thing- like registering at two different stores).

    The only problem was, though, that most guests didn’t purchase gifts until a few weeks or days before the wedding. I imagine this wouldn’t be a problem for most people, but as poor grad students, we couldn’t afford to purchase plane tickets, etc, ourselves, and then use the honeymoon registry gifts to “pay ourselves back,” and we didn’t know how many people would be contributing to this instead of purchasing a regular gift.

    We ended up having to cancel our plans for a week in London, and figure out a last minute-trip that we could afford. It led to some awkward explaining among our relatives concerned their gifts had gone to waste (they hadn’t- we just used the money on a much smaller, road-trip type honeymoon).

    So I’d say it’s a great route to take, as long as you plan ahead more than we did!

  42. Anonymous says...

    I am all for it. I want to give a couple something they want – even if it is cash. I also love seeing what they plan to spend the money on. I think it helps them plan the details of their honeymoon, too. (Plus, I never feel obliged to buy anything. You can always give them what you want or nothing at all.) I understand how it may strike people as tacky, but actually I love it.

  43. anne says...

    a lot of people have said that any kind of registry is tacky. i think in some ways, it feels awkward to make a list of things you want. it can also feel awkward to look at this humongous list someone else has made about what they want! the whole thing IS a little bizarre.
    BUT: my mom always tells me she loves when people have registries because it makes gift giving SO much easier. then she knows that whatever she buys a couple is something they want! and it prevents people from receiving 10 of the same thing, or 100 things they never even wanted :)

  44. I like that idea a lot! The list is cute, and I’m sure many guest will enjoy seeing what the couple’s plans are for their honeymoon.

    And I absolutelly think it’s perfectly fine for a couple to ask help with their honeymoon/ some other project, if they really don’t need any household items! I can’t see what is the difference gifting money or gifting a toaster!

    I’ve been living with my fiancé for 3 years now, and we’re getting married in September. Since we have everything we need, we are not going to do a traditional wedding register. Since my family and some friends is coming from abroad, it wouldn’t work neither with everybody. Instead we have mentioned, that if our guests want to gift us something, we would prefer little help for our honeymoon.

    And to reply to some previous comments.. It’s absurd to think about the wedding as a cash collection party!

    Ciao from Italy,
    M.

  45. I actually think it’s a better idea to register for a honeymoon fund than it is to ask people for a load of gifts on your wedding day.

    But truthfully both options really confuse me. You wouldn’t make a demanding list on your birthday, requesting expensive stuff (or at least I wouldn’t) – so why should a wedding be any different? My husband and I didn’t register for gifts when we got married and we definitely wouldn’t have dreamed of asking our wedding guests to pay for our honeymoon. Just the fact that our guests were willing to make the effort to come along is SO much more meanginful, to me, than loads of material goods or a fancy holiday.

    The variety of responses on this topic has been really interesting!

  46. I just wrote a blog post tonight about wedding gift registries.

    I dont like them. They are not personal.

    Its sad the pratice of gift giving has become just a cash contribution.

    I like giving gifts that I choose with love and care :)

  47. I think it would be sweet if the couple took pictures of themselves enjoying each activity or meal and mailed that to the giver as a thank you and a momento.

  48. Anonymous says...

    I don’t see the problem with it, and kind of wish my husband and I had done this. We live in CA but got married back in our home state of NY and because our guests were worried about us transporting stuff we got mostly money anyway. I wil say that most of
    My family is very small town and still goes into a store and prints the registry etc. so I am not sure how having an entirely online registry would work for them. In the end though I think any registry is kind of tacky but I also think people genuinely want to buy the couple something they could use! If that’s a honeymoon who cares?

  49. I do think some people will inevitably think it’s tacky, but I also think that your friends and family want to give you a gift they know will help you. I disagree with the reader who mentioned weddings aren’t about the gifts. I mean, of course that’s not what weddings are about, however, they are about celebrating your marriage and giving gifts is a way for family and friends to celebrate that. I always am happy and excited to give gifts at weddings and showers. In some countries it’s tradition to give only money and household registries are unheard of.

  50. I HATE the idea of registries- it definitely seems so demanding and tacky to make a list of things you want people to buy for you, somehow I would much prefer to have things that people saw and thought of me, rather than being told. (although, you would end up with a lot of money spent on stuff you don’t want at all..)

    I think that this idea is kind of between no registry and a normal one- it seems less tacky to ask for specific experiences than items!

  51. Interesting to see so many nay-sayers here. I couldn’t disagree with these people more! I think a honeymoon registry is a fabulous idea and completely appropriate for the occasion. What better way to celebrate a couple’s new wedded life together than helping them create unforgettable memories on what will probably be the most magical trip of their life? They’ll always look back with such fondness and be so grateful to everyone who contributed. What a lovely, long-lasting gesture.

  52. I don’t think it’s tacky at all. Who cares if it just goes into a fund? They will still appreciate your gift, even if it funds a meal at McDonalds on the way to the airport instead of a hat or a book. Maybe you should just love your friends, and want to make them happy on their special day instead of caring how much satisfaction you get from giving a specific gift.
    I had to stop reading peoples opinions…it was making me sad for them.
    I had a wedding registry, but I wish I hadn’t. Not because I didn’t need the things, I did. But more so because now I don’t have many of those things, seven years later. I would have rather get gifts that my friends picked out themselves and thought I would love.
    That was long, sorry :)

  53. My husband and I registered for our honeymoon as well – 5 years ago! We had been living together for a few years and didn’t need the dinner plates and etc. We also registered at REI since we love to get outdoors! Our families loved the idea! We went through The Big Day and just like yours, it was tastefully done for our Kauai honeymoon! “Drinks for Two at Sunset” or “A Luau for the newlyweds!”

    In our thank you cards we included pictures of us enjoying what they bought us! We had a blast with it! Not for everyone but it was perfect for us and our very open minded families ;)

  54. Rashmi says...

    It sounds fab as an idea, but am sorry to say this, I think it turns out pretty tacky.
    One – A honeymoon is such a personal memory, a very private celebration. To include family and friends into this is just a wee short of gimmicky.
    Secondly – I, on the whole, do not like the idea of a registry. In India, guests bring gifts (in kind or cash)when they attend weddings. The wedding includes not just the couple’s 50 friends, but a big, group of family (first, second, third cousins and their kids and parents etc.), neighbours, office collegues etc. As such, to tell these people who may not really be knowing the couple to get them sthg specific is rude. The friends of the couple of course know what they like and would use and get gifts accordingly. Which is waaaaaay better than the couple registering and forcing their friends to purchase them specific items. A Gift is not meant to be asked for.

  55. I think a honeymoon registry is a really fab idea.

    However, I don’t like this whole thought (by many, even here in the comments) that this is a great alternative to a registry full of household things. I think that thought is a bit off base.

    I mean, people come to your wedding to celebrate with you and so they want to give you a gift that you can treasure. That could be two drinks on the plane or a voucher for your local fancy restaurant or maybe a beautiful picture frame.

    Household registries became the norm because people lost sight of why we give wedding gifts in the first place.

    The only reason “regular” registries are boring is because the bride and groom put boring things on them! It’s not the registry’s fault! ha ha!

    And if you don’t like the registry a couple has, don’t buy off of it! It’s not a law, it’s a courtesy.

    (Sorry this got waaaay long. x.)

  56. I think mixing this with some of the expected items. Yours is sweet- a nice range of prices too! When my dad got remarried, my stepmom was in grad school and they had loads of books on their registry because, frankly, they needed those more than anything

  57. Jo J. says...

    Maybe it’s a cultural thing (I’m British, and live in NZ) but I would find it abhorrently brash.

  58. I think times have changed even since I got married in 2009! When I was wedding planning and came across the topic, most people said it was a definite “don’t,” while today, at least on this blog, the majority says it’s a “do!” Just an observation.

    Personally I doubt I’ll ever contribute directly to a honeymoon fund. I think it’s tacky, because I subscribe to the idea that any given couple has $X amount to spend on all of their wedding expenses (ring, wedding, honeymoon, rehearsal dinner, etc.). Would anyone set up a registry for friends to donate to the purchase of a diamond engagement ring, much less a bigger, nicer one than they could afford on their own? I seriously doubt it. I just think it’s a matter of priorities. I know couples who can’t/couldn’t “afford” a honeymoon because they spent so much on their weddings ($30k and up), and then whine and moan about the economy, or taxes, or whatever else expense is supposedly out of their control and is responsible for why they couldn’t afford to honeymoon. At least for the couples I know in this situation, they all made a personal choice to allocate their money to the wedding day and not to the honeymoon. That is perfectly fine. But I’m not going to pay for someone else’s international vacation when they just paid $300 per beautiful, handmade driftwood centerpiece, and served a second dinner at midnight, and had four live bands (seriously). Obviously there are plenty of people who register for honeymoons because they legitimately couldn’t afford to go otherwise, but in that case, many are probably still registering for household necessities anyway and certainly aren’t having four bands play at the reception.

    And, said in a less grumpy voice, I do believe in the traditional notion that the purpose of wedding gifts is to rely on the village (as in, “it takes a village…”) to help set up a couple for married life. If a couple truly does not need anything, which is common, and otherwise could have afforded a honeymoon (perhaps to Hawaii instead of Tahiti…) had they not spent an obscene amount on their wedding, I would prefer they recommend charities in lieu of gifts.

    I love my best friends dearly, and if they told me privately their heart’s desire was an incredible honeymoon and not an extra setting of china, I’d probably write a check instead of purchasing a gift. But again, not through a website registry.