Do or Don’t: A House Registry

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It seems like everyone posting on here are a bunch of negative nancy’s.

There are a bunch people whose comments show they don’t understand the concept. You aren’t actually buying a window. You are literally contributing money towards whatever they choose to spend it on as long it involves a house (downpayment etc).

Also, there are a lot of people who don’t want to have a wedding. Why is elopement so scandalous? Because you aren’t involving your family and friends. So if you do involve your family and friends, you are expected to dish out money on the wedding. These are the are the same people who would say “having a wedding without a reception is tacky.”

You’re supposed to care about the bride and groom. You’re spending the money on a gift anyway, just give them what they want. And stop being so negative.

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What if the couple has the “things” but not the home to put it in, yet, and that’s what they’re working toward?

I’m recently engaged, and have lived with my fiance for many years. We’ve acquired not just pots and pans, but a beautiful set of dishware (handmade from a favorite artist…we’ve collected a few new pieces every year).

The purpose of registries is to offer the gift-givers and idea of what the recipient needs and their sense of style. Guests who go to the couple’s registry have an idea of what they’ll spend, and then they’ll find something in that budget. It’s not always a deep, spiritual quest for a meaningful gift.

I do appreciate sentimental gifts. I don’t want more appliances.

I’m in favor of the House Registry, especially with the injected dose of personality that Hatch My House offers.

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I think it’s extremely practical and a good way to put some funds towards something truly necessary. I think the usual registries are often full of unnecessary things. So a big yes!

For everyone who regards accepting gifts for a wedding, or ever having having a registry being “tacky”, I truly hope you stopped receiving birthday and Christmas gifts after you’re 10 years old, due to your lack of tackiness. A lot of people don’t know what to get people, thus the registry! Register for what you want. Who needs 500 towels??

My sister is in the middle of registering for her wedding she said she felt strange asking for padded dish-ware storage when she hadn’t in fact asked for dishes at all. She said that it wold be nice if she could write comments on her registry for people to see so that they would understand and not just think she was weird. To me this seems like a brilliant idea! add a comment section from the couple on registries so if a family decides to purchase a gift for the couple from the registry they can get to know the couple better while they peruse the list!

It depends on the culture of the Couple. I know that some cultures give money (without hints or prompts) like my own. I’m happy with this because it saves so much time + energy preparing for the Wedding itself. Registry for fine china etc I’m okay with, this is expected in other cultures (our Anglo friends especially). I think a House registry itself misses the point of ‘giving’. You are asking your guests for a home, when infact, as a couple that is something you should be working together for.

Also, wedding guests do not have to give a gift AT ALL for eating + drinking at a wedding. A card with a lovely thank you note is sufficient. The reception, no matter how big or small, is the couple’s way of thanking their guests for witnessing their marriage. That’s what I’ve been taught.

This is interesting… My husband and I attended a Christian college which means the large majority of friends/acquaintances only moved in together AFTER getting married. :) In this case, we all needed to do a traditional registry because we didn’t have regular household items (even if you waited a year or two to get married, you usually didn’t have a lot of nice things thanks to school loans). Obviously, this is different than the larger American culture, but I liked it this way.

I don’t really like the idea of registering for parts of your house…. It seems too far. For one thing, what is the likelihood that they will actually get enough money to cover the house? Wouldn’t it be awkward if someone “bought” you a special window, but you never built the house so you just put the money toward something else? It would seem like a gimmick to me. Additionally, I would feel badly to ever sell the house (like I was selling memories from loved ones). In my mind, the honeymoon registries are a step too close to the line of tacky/rude/demanding, but this registry is definitely over the line. Again, that’s my opinion. :)

I understand the sentiment of “just tell me what you want and I’ll get it for you because I want to get something you like!”, but it still doesn’t seem graceful. Like if I was having a dinner party and you requested grilled cheese! I want to make you happy, but there is also a time a place for everything!

One more thought… doesn’t it seem kinda selfish to essentially say “We have everything we need so buy us our DREAM house”??? If you truly have everything you need, couldn’t you start a charity registry??

that was long! and, of course, everyone is entitled to their own opinion and it’s really fascinating to read how so many people had strong opinions one way or another!! :) Just goes to show that everyone is different. :)

Huh.. I think it is an interesting idea, because saving for a home is definitely very practical, and I certainly wouldn’t condone someone for making one of the these registries. I also find it nice for the people who were wishing they could have registries (or get gifts?) even if they aren’t getting married, the fact that this place does that is nice.

However, several things bother me about this. First off, you are not really buying a window or a lamp etc. its just cast. Giving cash at a wedding if fine! But I find the high prices a little off putting, as most people will probably not be spending that much. Close family and friends- yes. Your just-out-of-college-buddy or your coworker whom you refer to by last name only…maybe not so much. More importantly, this site takes a percentage (a small one, true and they need to make it as a business), so not all your gift is even going to the couple.

Most people are able to gauge their guest list and know whether its appropriate or not. You robably would use this in conjunction with another, more tradition registry and would probably be happy to receive any gift (because, really, its the thought that counts!). So, its not horrible or tacky. And as a guest hopefully you know the couple well enough to know if dishes are good gifts or not, and if not, well, a check in a card is just plain easier and still allows for a personal touch.

I may be in the minority on this one but I say go for it. We registered for a traditional registry and a honeymoon registry. The vast majority of our friends and family opted to gift from our honeymoon registry because we moved in together when we got married and had two of every thing. Two toasters, two blenders, ect. I would much rather buy my friends a door or a window on there first home together than buy them a waffle maker that won’t mean nearly as much to them.

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Ah, the registry debate continues. It makes sense to give a cash or gift card donation to a couple and there are plenty of clever ways to say as much on an invite. Afterall, how many blenders, toasters can one couple use? What the couple chooses to do with that money should be left to their discretion. But a house registry is taking this ish to a whole new level. For starters, how are we sure you’ll even use it towards a house? And since when did helping a couple own/build a house or renovate a bathroom/kitchen become the guests perogative? This, I’m afraid, is a tad out of hand.

Really? this is crazy, so is the honeymoon registry. I think people should just be happy to have their guest be able to attend and celebrate the day with them. I think the whole idea of registries implies some sort of expectation of a gift.

Awful. A house is incredibly expensive, and expecting friends and family to (most likely) spend even more than they usually would on a normal wedding registry is just inconsiderate. Makes me cringe.

I’m torn on this. At first, it seems tacky. But I absolutely hate the wastefulness of getting gifts (for wedding or birthday or otherwise) that I will never use. Wouldn’t money spent on crystal that will never see the light of day be better spent helping a couple invest in a new home?

That said, the money spent on throwing such lavish weddings in the first place could be spent as a down payment on a house (or for some, the whole house!). So there’s that.

Put me down for the tacky vote. I think the problem with many of these registries is that they imply some kind of obligation or expectation — that guests will be going against the wishes of the couple if they do anything *but* contribute to these registries, even if it makes them uncomfortable. That may not be how the bride & groom intend it, but rather how it’s perceived.

I worked for many years in the homewares section of Macy’s, so dealt with a LOT of wedding registries & guests looking to buy off them. I think the traditional registry is so common now, folks don’t feel pressured to buy from them one way or another… I often encountered this (especially if the wedding couple chose really expensive items, or the list was bought up — guests would usually just choose something else).

But believe me, the number of elderly guests who were relieved/delighted to be able to find something special (and tangible) for their precious niece/nephew/granddaughter etc. off registries has convinced me of their utility. It’s easy to forget how important the physical ‘gifting’ of something is for many people — in other cultures cash suffices, but in the US many people still place great store in physical objects, for better or worse.

I think gifts in general have gotten out of control. I’m from the midwest where a nice gift could be $50 and my registry reflected that — I knew a lot of gifts would be coming from my parents’ friends and had to register for what they were comfortable with.

I’ve been living in NYC for 15 years where the traditional gift seems to be a $200-300 check. I’ve never gotten used to it. Plus the engagement party, the wedding shower, then the baby shower, baby gift a year later. Ugh, enough. My midwestern heart has never been comfortable with all that STUFF.

We had a wedding with 50 people. But let;s say it was 200 people — 100 couples, 100 gifts. 100*50=5000. That amount will buy you some nice old-fashioned gifts — towels, dishes, pots. It won’t get you to a down payment. You gotta do that on your own.

I still like what I registered for — everyday dishes that I use all the time, pots that I use all the time, good silver that I use every day and will pass down to my kids. Lovely.

I wonder if when Joanna buys her $1.5M apartment in Brooklyn, her readers will be asked to contribute! I hope so!

we were just at a wedding in israel where people have elaborate weddings and there is a safe there. money gifts are assumed but to pay for the wedding itself. people who aren’t able to afford it are now declining so as to avoid embarrassment. that’s the worst part. missing out on a fun night because of the price tag.

It’s a don’t for me. I would feel super grossed out by this as a guest. All about the $$$$. This is coming from someone who didn’t register at all for her wedding :) I feel like if someone wants to give me a gift, let it be from their heart.

I think it’s a pretty nifty idea (if slightly crazy-sounding), and so very practical, too. I really don’t understand all the fuss people make about this and other registries. If it’s something the couple genuinely wants and could use in their new life together, then I don’t see the problem.

I didn’t realize people had such strong opinions on this stuff! (after reading just a few comments…) I don’t really care. I don’t think I would do it…but I think most people would want to give a gift that’s actually wanted….right??? it seems a bit egotistical for people to be so attached to what they want to give…why not give what is actually needed or wanted? of course I do agree that guests should not feel pressured, which is why i probably wouldn’t do it. I didn’t have a traditional wedding and actually do wish that I was given a toaster and some of that other stuff. Not everyone is wealthy…

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