Have a Restorative Weekend.

Have a Restorative Weekend

This week, we’ve been visiting relatives in a small fishing village in Cornwall, England, but of course we’ve seen the heartbreaking news from Louisiana, Minnesota and Texas. I don’t really know what to say. My heart goes out to the families who have lost their loved ones. As President Obama said, “People of good will can do better.” Over the past few days, months, years, I’ve read pieces that have really affected me, and here are a few of those…

I don’t know what to do with good white people.” (An incredible essay I read years ago that stayed with me.)

A very simple question about being black in America.

Trevor Noah makes good arguments.

Plus, a few other links if you’re in a blog-reading mood…

Great escapes from NYC.

50 reasons your toddler is awake right now.

Obama after dark: The president’s nightly routine, which includes eating seven lightly salted almonds.

I already pre-ordered this hilarious book.

(The Times gave it a rave review.)

What beautiful earrings for a night out.

The one thing to pack for an office lunch.

The 10 best Modern Love essays.

(Photo by Kati Dimoff/Eventide Collection. Obama link via Jocelyn Glei.)

  1. I hadn’t been checking COJ this past week! Just assumed you were in England and not posting! (Hope you had a lovely trip.)
    Thank you, Joanna, for using your voice to contribute to this conversation. I recently started following the talented and beautiful @cleowade on Instagram; she posted something that struck me and I am reminded of it now as an influential person like yourself has become vocal about this issue: “Your greatest responsibility is to use your voice, for there are so many people, too many people in our world who are never heard – even when they scream.” </3
    I hadn't seen the striking Jane Elliott video or the article on "good white people", and I think both will stay with me for quite a while. Thank you for sharing those thought-provoking selections as well.
    Another moving piece I saw recently is a poem posted a few days ago on Instagram by @sophiabush (originally by @iamhertribe), along with Sophia's caption/response… Not hard to find, if you've got a minute. :)
    Sending love,
    St. Paul, MN

  2. Thank you for these links, especially the Jane Elliot. I tuned in ‘Conan’ last night and it was strange, jarring, to see him clowning with no mention of the situation of the country. Maybe I expected too much? Loved Trevor.

  3. Emily says...

    Thank you for posting about what’s going on in our country right now. I love the pretty dresses and parenting issues, but it’s great to stay cognizant of how we fit into the bigger picture.

  4. ceciel says...

    Jo–I’ve read COJ for years and continue to be a huge fan. I so appreciate the balance you struck in this post. You acknowledge how sad the week has been, link us to important reading and then provide some lighter stuff. You truly know your audience. And we are so grateful to you. Having COJ is like having a mini magazine break daily.

  5. Susanne says...

    I am a German reader of your blog who has never commented before and I wanted to thank you for not staying silent. I am especially grateful for the first three links.

  6. Miriam says...

    Thanks for the poignant words, Jo. If any readers are based in NYC and looking for something tangible to do in the face of all the tragedies of last week, the NYPD is soliciting public comments right now about implementing much needed body worn cameras! Much of the policy is still up for debate, so they need your input!

  7. I just pre-ordered the same book last week! Can’t wait to read it : )

  8. I’ve put that book on hold in my library after reading the NYT review! Can’t wait. Have been in a reading slum lately where I give up on a book after only reading a few pages.

  9. Carme says...

    As an avid reader of this blog and as a black woman, I just want to thank you for sharing your perspective. It means more than you know.

  10. Interestingly, I came here today to see if you (one of my favorite bloggers) had mentioned anything in reference to the pain being felt in the black (and just American!) community. These issues are difficult to talk about, and I definitely understand why non-POC could be hesitant to speak out. There is a true fear of being misunderstood, attacked for saying the “wrong” thing, or receiving backlash from other white people who prefer to be silent.

    But I think many underestimate how hurtful and discomforting it can be to see waves of people speak out vehemently for Paris, or for Turkey. But be silent when it comes to people in their own country who look like me (Black and Brown). Even without malintent, it can start to read as “this doesn’t matter to me; I don’t care).

    Thank you for acknowledging what’s going on and sharing your perspective. It means more than you think.


  11. Roxana says...

    Thank you for sharing these links; especially the first three. So important.

    I love your blog for many reasons, and one of them is that you tend to stay out of politics or social issues, etc. Your posts often feel like a nice break, a healthy “escape” from many of the hard realities that are going on around us, right in front of us and maybe even inside us. That said, I greatly appreciate that you’ve said something. With all the tragedies that have gone on recently in our country and around the world, I think it’s so important that we keep our eyes open, force ourselves to see and understand and be aware, that we somehow try to move forward, to do better.

    Thank you!

    “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear.”
    1 John 4:18

  12. leticia says...

    I would LOVE to read city guides about San Francisco and Los Angeles, the last one about Seatle was so great! I’m planing a road trip to California, Nevada and Arizona and would be more than happy if I could count with some tips from Cup of Jo.

  13. Betsy says...

    Finding quiet time during nap time to take time and read all the links you’ve shared is one of the best moments of my week. Thanks for sharing.

  14. Joanne says...

    Thank you so much for writing about what’s happening in our country. Though I’m not a blogger, I follow several written by White women and I can’t help but wonder whether the same heavy thoughts that occupy my mind as a woman of color are shared by these women I follow on an almost-regular basis. It’s a little difficult to read beautiful posts about playdates in Central Park and brunches in San Francisco the same day that Black men are killed on the streets for doing very similar things… Thank you for acknowledging it and encouraging readers to reflect upon these events too.

  15. That question about being black in America was very powerful indeed…

  16. Amy says...

    Joanna, You have such a tender way of sharing your views on here and I really appreciate it. Social media can display so many extreme opinions lacking in thoughtfulness and I have never experienced that on here.
    I read the article about what to do with white people you shared. It will have me thinking on it all day. Up here in Canada, I feel this is a conversation we are having right now with our Aboriginal/Indigenous peoples as well and racism is at the roots of the conversation so this article really gives perspective on things.
    Thank you, and I hope you have a great weekend with your family :)

  17. Johanna says...

    Good for you for making a statement by sharing these statements. We have a problem in this country and it’s time we ALL started talking about it, instead of leaving it solely to those of us who are directly affected by it. Thank you!!

  18. My heart is breaking over the unending news reports of massacres, police shootings, attacks on peaceful protests, hatred, and all the negativity and violence. We all need to come together and respect one another. Respect, cherish, and celebrate our differences. Spread love and understanding. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and the links.

    XOXO, Amy @ Jeans and a Tea

  19. Wonderful read on Obama. That man.
    Thanks for this post, Jo. I’m moved by everything about it.

  20. In heartbreaking times, it’s heartwarming to see so many bloggers speaking out. I find it very hard to know how to be a part of the solution, but started a list on my site today too. It’s only a start, but it’s at least a step away from the paralysis I’ve been feeling.

  21. I understand the sentiments of the “Good White People” piece, but as a black woman, I vehemently disagree. Each time I see a white friend post a self-lauding yet compassionate message, my hope perks up. Each #BlackLivesMatter post laden with whitesplaining is encouraging – it’s proof you GET it! By this article’s logic, there is no positive way for a white person can vocalize their empathy, but that’s exactly what we need. Let’s not squelch these messages of support. Let’s pay attention to the intention of one another’s statements instead of searching for criticism. Go ahead and (quietly) congratulate yourselves for advocating for equal rights. I certainly congratulate you!

  22. Jeannie says...

    My heart has been BREAKING this past week. I have no idea and can never know what it’s like to be black in our country, but as a woman of color (Asian American), I definitely appreciate your speaking out. THANK YOU, JO! I’ve been a follower of you for over 6 years (wow) and I appreciate your courage because you have many, many followers who do not always agree (with you, or among each other!). ;)

  23. Susan M. says...

    I wasn’t expecting you to post, but thank you so much for these, especially the links at top of the list. Compassion, intelligence, looking beyond the simplistic.

  24. So much to think about. And do.

    Also, I Have taken your shopping recommendations before. Feeling like these earrings are going to hit the spot.

  25. mika says...

    Thank you for acknowledging what is important to so many people.

  26. Kate says...

    Thank you for this post – for being brave enough to address the horrors the US has experienced this week. I’m from England, but was in Portugal last night with a big group of (mostly) Americans talking about these shootings. Much of the discussion was based on the importance of acknowledging what’s happening, having real conversations about race and working out how to move forward together, however small the first steps are.

  27. Charlotte K says...

    I read old New Yorker magazines on my bus commute. Today I was reading a 1.5 year old article about Samantha Power, and she quotes Elie Wiesel, who of course died this week, who was referring to the early actions of ISIS, but I think it can apply to our own country.
    ” ‘ He just sat down and shook his head,’ Power recalled. ‘He said, ‘Samantha, the winds of madness are blowing.'”
    That’s exactly how I feel about what’s going on right now…the winds of madness are blowing. I agree with President Obama that decent people ought to be able to do better than this, but it is very hard exactly to know how, given the legislative government we have and their lack of interest in anything other than what the rich lobbies are saying.

  28. The one thing to bring in your lunch bag I never would have guessed! I always love insights into morning and evening routines… enjoyed the Obama article.

  29. Jenny says...

    Thank you for not ignoring what’s going on right now.

  30. Erica says...

    OMG the Jane Elliot clip. That may be the most intense, meaningful 58 seconds ever.

    • Carol says...

      Yes! I am heartbroken about the events of the last weeks (and beyond) and I’ve been searching for how to make any kind of change. Of course I am teaching my children to respect and care for others, but there has to be more I can do as an educated white woman. Jane’s question is incredibly powerful and no one can truly hide from these systemic problems.

  31. I’ve been a very loyal reader of Cup of Jo for a while now, and I’ve been aware of how difficult it must be for a site like this to decide whether/how to touch on events that seem to go beyond “lifestyle,” but certainly have to do with life, our lives. So glad to see an acknowledgment on here of all the heartache and tragedy affecting the nation right now. Wishing a restorative weekend to all the Cup of Jo staff and readers. May our heavy hearts find reasons to hope.

  32. Rachel says...

    Jo, you are awesome.

  33. Mallory Schulte says...

    I was not expecting this post, but I am deeply grateful for it. Your blog is a constant in my life. And weeks like this one, life feels out of balance. The universe feels out of balance. In the Things They Carried, author Tim O’Brien describes coping with the violence of the Vietnam war, “You are filled with a hard, aching love for how the world could be and always should be, but now is not.”

    • Colleen says...

      I’ve been meaning to read that to understand my father’s experience in 5th Vietnam war. Thanks.

  34. I feel the same sadness, which I also blogged about today. Makes me want to be even kinder, love even harder, and forgive much easier.

    Enjoy the rest of your trip!

    xo, Bev

  35. I loved Trevor’s comments last night. Thank you for the essay and the question video. The one question says a lot.

  36. Katherine A-E says...

    Thanks for addressing this week’s events, Joanna. I love this blog and read it daily – much appreciated :)