Relationships

Do You Stalk Your Ex Online?

Do You Stalk Your Ex Online?

Once upon a time, I was home alone on a Friday night. I might have been baking brownies and planning to eat all of them. Was it my highest point? No. Naturally, I opened up Facebook…

What is David up to? I wondered. David, as you can probably guess, was a male from my past.

“David Blahblahblah,” I typed into the search bar. I clicked Enter.

“Caroline is… David Blahblahblah!” announced Facebook. Because as it turns out, I didn’t search for him — I had inadvertently ENTERED HIM INTO MY TIMELINE. So everyone — including David — could see I’d been stalking him. I quickly deleted the error, then resumed consuming my brownies.

Beyond the risk of embarrassment, technology makes it difficult to truly let go. You can see your former flames hamming it up on Instagram and follow along as they take their new love on an enchanting trip to Joshua Tree. You can virtually peruse their wedding photos and meet their tiny offspring. It can be hard not to compare your own messy, relatable life to their spotless digital one. Your exes, if they are so inclined, can do the same with you.

That’s why Facebook’s “On This Day” feature now offers a filter where a person can be “erased” from your virtual memory. You tell Facebook whom you’d rather not be reminded of, and it won’t present you with updates or nostalgia about your former flame. Embarrassed stalkers the world over can only hope that Instagram will one day follow suit.

In a quest for mental stability, I have given up the habit of stalking exes online. Sometimes I stalk the person I’m actually dating. But he finds that endearing. I think.

Have you ever stalked an ex online? Have you stalked an ex’s current flame? Share your stories, if you’d like. (We won’t tell.)

P.S. What you’re actually thinking when you run into an ex, and how to know your partner is the one.

  1. Charlotte says...

    I have been known to facebook stalk exes or old acquaintances, but I think it’s less about longing for a different life or looking back with any kind of regret. It’s often just curiosity if their name has popped up in a conversation, (“hmm, so THAT’S what they’re up to now…*silently judges*”). Or it’s akin to reading ghost stories – it feels a bit unsettling to read, but that’s why you do it!

  2. kp19 says...

    When I first got on Facebook (like 8 years ago) I used to stalk my ex AND my husband’s ex but it always left me feeling squicky inside, so one day I just stopped. Life is much better now :)

    I am still very good friends with my other ex so there’s no real need to stalk. I do sometimes peek at his photos though, just to see ;)

  3. SJ says...

    I must admit that there is temptation. But I believe it should be natural just to let go of the other person if you decided together that relationship wouldn’t work out. May be many of these ideas come from movies?? They kind of give us the idea of competition (you should have a perfect life and the other one should be a total looser or you feel bad because you see it the other way around). Lately I’ve been thinking about the general idea that romantic films give. I invite you to visit my website to read about this.

    • Did you tell your husband you stalked his ex or did you deny it? Would it be a deal breaker for him if he knew you had do you think? Thank you for your advice.

  4. I can totally relate! It’s like the temptation hangs over my head until I finally give in, stalk, and then walk away an hour later feeling terrible about myself. That’s why with my last breakup, I blocked and un-followed my ex AND all of his friends. I know it may seem harsh, but we were together six years and the thought of watching his next relationship bloom within months of our split seemed counterproductive to moving on. Knowing it’s not a possibility has worked wonders. I fully endorse the ‘cold turkey’ method!
    – Amy

  5. catherine says...

    totally, totally guilty. and god, does it suck. i mean, the only thing that seems to come of it is a reminder that i was not [insert adjective] enough for that person. in any of those posts or pictures, i’m not the one there and someone else is… and it feels good for a second to be critical of her (oh, what a crappy photo; oh, she’s really got a toothy face; oh, we were going to do something so much better than that; oh, he really does look unhappy…) in the end what really comes flooding out are the negative feelings onto myself. so then why for the love of good is it so difficult to stop??
    i think we look for reason in things, especially when hurt and vulnerable and if something was stripped away from us seemingly without any reason. so maybe the hope is the photos can provide reason or validation, or both. it’s shitty that they don’t.
    it’s an emotional upper followed by an emotional downer. super bad mix, super difficult habit to break.

    • Bethany says...

      Couldnt agree more, and thank you for being so candid! I stalked my husbands ex, and her fiance desperately searching for clues that her life was miserable. I was so angry about how horrible she had been to me- even though i had nothing to do with the breakup of her marriage ( i met her ex, now my husband, several years after their divorce) I just hoped i would find some indication on social media that karma did, indeed exist. Since she had already blocked me, i went so far as to create bogus accounts just hoping to catch a glimpse. After wasting hours, probably days of my life that i will never get back, i realized how insane i was acting and gave it up cold turkey. Does the temptation still exist! Absolutely. But the peace i have discovered is life changing. Never. Ever. Again.

  6. Annelies says...

    I love this post! I do it all the time.

    Not just exes, but also former friends and people I used to know from school. It’s just normal curiousity, I think. And secretly I love to see how a lot of my bullies turned out to be losers :)

  7. wow, i love this post, so funny!
    we’ve all been there – bloody ex’s getting in our minds at random times!
    my ex boyfriend’s new girlfriend took upon stalking me and liked an old picture of us kissing from 2008, i was like ‘what the hell is she doing!?’
    then I realised she must have panicked more than i did!

    i bet noone in this world, men included, can say they have never stalked their ex – even if its just to make sure you have a better life without them ;)

    May
    http://www.dropofbrandy.blogspot.co.uk

  8. Omg this post is everything to me right now. Why do so many women stalk their boyfriend’s ex? I used to do that all the time in the beginning when they seemed all mysterious, but the more he told me about them the less interested I became. And yes, I have a regular that I stalk and the agony is so real, but I cannot bring myself to unfollow or delete him, *sigh*.

  9. I do too! It’s the hardest habit to break.

    Rachel x
    thehappybits.blogspot.com

  10. Allison says...

    I spent the better part of a year “deep creeping” my ex. My digging uncovered the girl he cheated on me with, how and when it happened and their new, happy lives together. As far as he knows, we split amicably and I was never the wiser. The truth is that for months, I tortured myself searching for every new picture of the two of them. This is terribly embarrassing to admit but, at some point, it almost becomes an addiction. Finally, in a session with my therapist, whom I also kept knowledge of my online digging from out of total shame, I told her what I had been doing and she said something that finally broke the addiction. It was along the lines of how, by seeking out information that only hurt me deeply to see, it was as if I was punching myself in the face, over and over. I quit cold turkey and understand now that you if you go looking for something to upset you, you’ll never be disappointed.

    • Hannah says...

      I needed to read this today.

      I used to ask myself if it was helpful or hurtful to snoop, and that stopped me for a long time, because why would I want to hurt myself… It hasn’t helped recently though, so I’m going to begin reminding myself that it’s like punching myself in the face.

      Thank you.

  11. Technology does make it hard to stay away from people whose absence makes your life easier :) Also you could unfollow the person on Facebook, that would help too..

    Shruthi
    http://nyambura.co

  12. I don’t know if it’s better to stalk your ex or to know about him from another person… In any case, I prefer not to stalk him. In the meanwhile, I keep telling myself that it’s probably that by the time he gets a new girl I’ll already be over it!

  13. Diana J. says...

    Omg! So glad I’m not the only creep-o. I must share this because it’s way to embarrassing to admit in real life to friends. I had a dream that I was marrying my ex-bf (who I haven’t heard from or seen in 8 years). In my dream, he had a baby from a previous relationship but I was ok with it and we were so in love and life was just beautiful. I wake up the next morning and begin my search to find him. I end up on his wife’s facebook page and found out that a. He’s married (which shocked me) and b. he DID have a baby girl. and c. that they’re expecting their second child.

    I have to admit, I got excited to finally see him through FB but it made me sad because the idea of possibly reaching out to say “hi” was gone the second I realized he wasn’t single and let alone, a father and husband. I still think of him once in a while and would never reach out to him bc I believe in respecting a relationship/marriage. But, long story short, it took me hours (yes, I’m a creep) to stalk him only to find out he there would never be a chance I could say “hey.” But then I felt better by remembering the times he was a jerk to me. Then all was well again :)

    • KH says...

      Oh man, I so know about this. I had the same thing happen to me like 5 years ago, and I did exactly what you did and eventually let it go. THEN, I had ANOTHER dream about them recently, so I did the same thing and looked them up again. Turns out that they had DIVORCED their previous spouse AND in the down time of me NOT stalking them they totally found someone else, dated them for 2.5 years, and got married to THAT person. Ugh…felt like my heart was ripped out all over again. If only I had persisted in my online stalking, lol. OR… maybe, had I learned from the first lesson to just never stalk online I wouldn’t know what I do now and be all the much better for it!!! To stalk, or not to stalk, is the question, lol. That was a sad day. :(

  14. Emy says...

    I blocked my ex from all forms of social media, but I hella stalk his wife who he magically “got back together” with after we broke up. I am always terrified I’ll send her a friend request by accident, but I’m fascinated by this woman. I don’t know why I do it. I would rather stick needles in my eye than see him again, but I don’t even have ill will towards either of them. It’s the absolute worst habit.

  15. Oh man, this brings up a horrible early Facebook memory. I was totally trying to stalk my ex. When looking him up by name didn’t work, I tried looking him up by email address. “Thank you! We have sent a friend’s request to BLAHBLAHBLAH,” said Facebook.

    Noooooooooooooo, said me.

  16. Anon says...

    10 years ago I blocked my ex on Facebook in a rage so that he wouldn’t contact me and to protect a very broken heart. Nowadays you can undo this action but I’ve tried in a moment of quizziness and alas, it seems he has disappeared into thin air! Needless to say, I have tried all username combinations to track him down on Twitter and Instagram and there is no sign of the guy. I wonder if it has made me more curious or whether it helped me recover from the volatile relationship.

  17. anonymous says...

    I check a long-ago ex’s FB and blog once in awhile – not out of longing, as someone said up-thread, but because I hope he’s doing well and he was a big part of my life. I think if I were getting over someone, it would be dangerous. I would totally enter his name into my status or accidentally friend him or something.

    One super-crazy thing I do is stalk another ex’s ex-girlfriend (omg, and I know this is nuts, I even looked at her teenaged kids’ profiles). She used to try to get him back periodically (we are talking 20 years now) and I worked myself up into a righteous rage about it back then. I always wondered what became of her and if she was really an awful person and what the hell was that, anyway. I’m long over him but still curious about her and I don’t know why.

  18. Ana says...

    Ooooooh, you definitely opened a pandora box there.
    Exes, ex-friends, ex-exes-girlfriends, suspected current flames, eternal crushes… for a curious person like myself, social media is the best. I really, really like to know what people are up to. I know it makes me nosy, but I don’t do anything with the information, I just file it as “peoples’ lives”.

  19. Gigi says...

    I don’t because it ended badly. He got engaged six months after we broke up. He’s married now but still reads my blog regularly (I have IP tracking), which bothers me A LOT.

  20. Prudence says...

    hahaha! that was a big oops!
    I dont stalk my exe’s at all, instead I quietly say a prayer that they never try and contact me ever again.. it takes A LOT for me to really call it quits in a relationship so by the time i do i have completely worked you out of my system and id truly rather forget you ever happened – harsh but i think fitting.

    my current beau however is a whole other story – i stalk the loving lord out my current beau, i find all their social media accounts far and wide and put together a mental dossier of all things that make then perfect for me and me for them… but that a story for another day…

  21. Haha I have been there! It’s even worse with smartphones when you do the accidental like/follow/add friend! I think guys are guilty of this too though, as my ex who I havent seen or spoken to in over a year recently followed me on Twitter… he soon unfollowed, but not before I got the email nofitication ;)

    – Lubna | The Digital Review

  22. Janet says...

    Best picture ever.

  23. Amanda says...

    I don’t stalk my exes but I find out what they’re doing via friends liking their posts/photos (even though I’m FB friends with them, never see their statuses). Found out my HS Boyfriend is engaged, probably getting married in the Spring. I’m kind of happy for him because I really don’t care, but on the other hand he was a controlling D-Bag so I was hoping he would be alone til 45. I just hope my exes are happy (but not overly), doing well (but not super successful), and meet someone (eventually, like at 32). Because I care.

  24. Libbynan says...

    I’m much older than most of you and don’t do social media. However, I did Google a friend from high-school who I had later realized ( hindsight being 20/20) was gay. I had talked about him so much and agonized about whether he had survived (my generation was the one that died of AIDS) that my DIL threatened to look him up if I didn’t. Fortunately, I found that he had a wonderfully successful career and a long-term relationship that was going on forty years. He wasn’t an ex, but someone I valued as a primary influence in my life. Knowing he’s happy and loved is such a high!

  25. Jennifer says...

    I have. He got fat!
    Which is lovely and ironic because he was so vain and, it turned out, a horrible human being.
    Karma is a bitch. I don’t feel bad AT ALL for being happy he got fat.

    • Mallory says...

      LOL. I’ve done this exact same thing and felt this exact same way.

  26. Molly says...

    I do one worse! I stalk my current boyfriend’s ex! I can’t help but check her Facebook or Instagram every couple of days!

  27. Tracy says...

    Once a year or so I look up my ex, like today when I saw this post. Any emotional attachment has long since gone away (I broke up with him, and it was the best thing for both of us), but he was someone that was really important to me at the time. I just like knowing that he’s still out there living his life. He’s not big on social media, so I only see an occasional updated profile picture of him and no other information.

  28. Angela says...

    I am happily married and actually feel lucky that none of my past relationships worked out because all of them grew into men I would be disappointed/unsatisfied with. But in fits of boredom I am guilty of googling all of my exes, past crushes, and even flings I only vaguely remember. Clearly I have too much time on my hands and I am petty. I won’t deny that there is some inner gloating to see them not doing better than me both literally and figuratively because either they are single or their spouses are “basic”, lol, yes I am petty at times, at least I own it. I guess I still feel slighted by them not wanting me enough to be what I wanted.

  29. I regularly stalk an ex from a decade ago. With hindsight I can now say that I probably shouldn’t have split up from him. He now flits between NYC and Puerto Rico. It is certainly more glamorous than my London rat race existence.

    • rachel says...

      and see, London seems very glamorous to me! haha :)

    • Sara says...

      I second what Rachel said! :)

  30. SL says...

    Oh Goodness – this rings way too true for me right now. Just “broke up” with a guy I’m really into and he’s really into me but we’ve got some religious differences that neither is willing to bend on and therefore dating would just lead to a dead end =( I’m really sad about it though and still like him and am so attracted to him! So about every other day I find myself clicking through his photos…. It’s sort of helpful in the moment, idk. And I know I’ll do it less and less so I’m allowing myself to miss him and be sappy about it for awhile. If I’m still doing this a month from now, I hope someone snaps me out of it!!

  31. Kate says...

    About three years ago, I had a tumultuous long distance relationship with a guy and when it ended and I was heartbroken, I stayed friends with him on facebook so I could torture myself with his happy updates about his new relationship. When he proposed to new girlfriend (a mere 10 months after we ended!), I finally unfriended him and have been very maturely avoiding him ever since.

    Currently, I have a bit of a crush on someone, and he is a facebook friend. Annoyingly enough, when I type this new crush’s name into the Facebook search bar, dramatic long distance ex shows up as the second result. I feel like Facebook is trolling me.

  32. Abalone says...

    Before the Facebook stalk, there was the email hack. In college in the mid ’90s, we all knew each other’s email passwords and would check emails for one another when we found that rare computer on campus that had Internet. So, I knew my exes’ password and checked it often after we broke up. His mom made some medicinal suggestions to him in one message. After some research, it turns out he had contracted herpes after our separation! My friends and I called him “Captain Valtrex” behind his back. It was actually quite a healing experience for me.

    I’m a bad, bad person.

    • haha! This is too funny.

    • Elle says...

      Amazing.

      You’re a funny, funny person.

    • ashley b says...

      i have to admit that while i will search for someone initially to see what kind of footprint they have, i stop then and there. i’ve just found that for these things, ignorance is bliss. and if they have something to hide, they’re probably hiding it from their social profile too. and my reading into things (as we ladies do) is not going to help my sanity.

      so no! i don’t stalk. but i can honestly say it’s because it’s a slippery slope. i’d love to, but i know in the end i can’t handle it.

  33. Hannah says...

    To save myself a world of hurt, I made the incredibly smart decision of hiding my ex and anyone he could possibly be photographed with on facebook. This was probably one of the best things I have ever done and even though it’s been years, I keep them all hidden for mental heath reasons. To his credit, he’s not a huge FB poster. Saves me any surprises if I cave to clicking him in the search bar. I HIGHLY recommend using the “hide” button and even the “block” button if necessary.

  34. I’ve never done it because when I close a book I slam it shut! Haha! As for friends/bloggers that I follow, I think if their profile is public then it’s not stalking. The reason we post stuff is for it to be seen.

    I prefer the gratification of not knowing what an ex or old friend is up to. I remember running into a long term ex at Target and I didn’t even skip a beat. I’d rather them dwell on the what-ifs! ;)

    Lendy
    http://www.twoplusluna.com

  35. Katherine says...

    Oh my god, this post is everything!! I unfollowed my ex on Facebook but couldn’t seem to resist snapchatting him multiple times a day so I had to delete my account all together. I know his Reddit username as well, and I feel as though every time I choose not to check when it crosses my mind, is a conscious step towards my own health and healing

  36. Yup, everyone does this! And it is probably even worse when your ex is a blogger, then you can follow his/her awesome life in even more detail, haha! The agony :D

    xx B
    http://www.thisisb.be

    • My husband’s Ex follows all of MY social media and my blog, even though we’ve obviously never met or had anything to do with one another…. So I’m on the flip side. It doesn’t bother me because I obviously have public profiles for my blog but I can imagine it must drive her crazy having all this access to check in on what he is doing! The joys of it all hey hahaha

      Megan || Oh Hey! blog

  37. “In a quest for mental stability, I have given up the habit of stalking exes online. Sometimes I stalk the person I’m actually dating. But he finds that endearing. I think.”

    CAROLINE! Does this mean that you are dating someone? In your dinner v. drinks post you mentioned a second date.. is it that guy? You gotta spill the beans!

  38. Allison says...

    not my exes nearly as much as my current boyfriend’s ex. they have been broken up for close to 4 years now, during 3 of which i have been dating him. ironically, we all live within 3 blocks of each other, too. i often see her car parked on my street, i’ve even ran into her and her best friend getting fro yo on a sunday night. it’s quite annoying actually.

    i’m so intrigued by what his relationship was like with her, and how ours is different than theirs. he’d of course think i’m nuts if 4 years into our own relationship i asked him about her, so rather than ask i just stalk her. healthy and normal, right?

    worst part of it all .. apparently, unbeknownst to me, during one of my voyeuristic episodes, i inadvertently “followed” her on FB – which is different than friending, and creepier sounding if you ask me. i didn’t even know that i did it .. i think my thumb bumped my phone screen? well, turns out she felt the need to text my boyfriend and tell him .. “hey, i think your girlfriend just followed me on fb?” …….. needless to say i wanted to crawl into a hole and consume endless amounts of oreos and ice cream until it all became some figmented nightmare of my imagination.

  39. Isabelle says...

    All I could think about when I saw this post pop up was ‘Some is staring at you in Personal Growth’.

    Great post Caroline. I love your writing and ideas. Such an excellent addition to A Cup of Jo!

    I haven’t stalked exes… but I have stalked ex friends. I’m not proud of it!

    • Kate says...

      Best reference!

  40. Cat says...

    OMG, this post couldn’t have come at a more poignant time. My boyfriend of 8 years recently dumped me and I can’t help but stalk him online even though I know it doesn’t do me any good. Had to de-friend him from FB (and I felt bad…why?) but still check out Instagram since he moved to a new city. Social media is a double-edged sword. I know the no contact rule is the way to go but man, it hurts.

  41. Rebecca says...

    Maybe once, or if I hear they were in the news for a crime. Other than that I have moved on. I just like to know that my instincts are spot on when I’ve dodged a psychopath.

  42. Lucy says...

    This couldn’t have come at a more appropriate time, I got dumped three weeks ago by my long term boyfriend and was doing ok until I found out last Saturday that he has a new gf already. Currently exersising all my self control not to obsess and analysise and absolutly no stalking. Nothing I see can possibly make me feel any better right?!

    • Cat says...

      I just posted a similar comment above yours! Hang in there. I feel for you. There’s a great relationship site that I’ve found helpful called Baggage Reclaim – http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/ that talks about the “no contact rule.” I’m scaling back on the stalking but it’s hard.

    • Cait says...

      Also, letsmend.com is super helpful. Hang in there <3

  43. Greer says...

    The other day I was looking at my exes (public) Instagram and accidentally hit “Follow”. Ahhhh!!! I started screaming and called my sister about how to undo this disaster. (Click the button again, you guys!)

    Then we spent 15 minutes trying to recreate the situation on MY account to see if you would get a notification if someone followed and then unfollowed you within a matter of seconds. It seems like if he was looking at his feed right then, he would’ve known but otherwise he wouldn’t know. Can anyone confirm this?

    Stalk carefully, ladies! :)

    • rachel says...

      that’s hilarious!!!! (but I’m sorry!)

    • Annelies says...

      Well, if he wasn’t using his phone, he would’ve gotten a notification on his screen… So there’s a big chance he did see, I’m afraid.

  44. Megan says...

    I have indeed stalked an ex online…. it has made it difficult…argh nearly impossible… to let go.
    I see a life he is living without me. A life we had planned to spend together.
    Thank you for sharing. You posted this at an interesting time… I just spoke with my therapist about my “obsession” with checking on his facebook and… *cringes* his new girlfriend’s blog!
    She advised me to STOP doing that.
    I think it is time to LET IT GOOoOOoO :D
    xoxo

  45. Heather says...

    My ex has very low privacy settings… So indeed I do! He has a new girlfriend who has a daughter. They all look like they’re doing GREAT, and it makes me happy to see because I really am over it. (He thinks I have no idea, too, which makes me laugh.)

    We went back and forth, defriending and then friending each other again early on, but we’re now not friends. When I left him and moved to a new place, no friends, new job, new town, and was having a terrible time getting over it, I would call my parents all the time. My dad’s NUMBER ONE thing was NO SOCIAL MEDIA. CUT it all out. And it worked. In fact, I have a friend who has wasted years going back and forth with a guy because they kept seeing each other and stayed connected, when they should have cut off so she could get over it.

    Another ex has no internet trace WHATSOEVER – no Facebook, nothing. (He’s the kind who thinks the government is watching him through his webcam…) But he’s the one I wonder about the most, even though he was actually my least significant boyfriend. It’s so strange to have ZERO information on a person. Last I heard, he went to Canada? No clue. But I dream about him a bunch!

    Love this topic and would love to hear more from others who have left Facebook altogether. Does social life go on?? Do you feel like you’re missing things?

  46. did you know that you can view your search history on Facebook? It will show you who you searched for, and on which date. Basically a timeline of your relationship/stalking history. SO eye opening to see HOW MANY TIMES you tortured yourself by looking at their profile for any new tidbits of info….

    if you’re interested, in the FB search bar, click it while it’s empty and it should drop down some recent options. choose EDIT (should be right below the magnifying glass).

  47. OH my goodness, thank you! The stupid “on this day” FB thing keeps asking me if I want to repost memories with my ex-husband. That would be a NO, THANK YOU!

    • Rebecca says...

      LOL, I hate that thing.

    • Annelies says...

      Actually, there’s a setting now where you can enter a person’s name and this person won’t show up in those suggested posts! You should google it!

  48. Caroline, does this mean you’ve got a boo? I don’t stalk my exes nearly as much as I stalk HIS… #habittobreak

  49. Meggles says...

    Joanna, you found a real gem in Caroline, as I’m sure you know. She is so funny and so relatable. I think we would be friends!

    How pathetic does that sound? :)

  50. This is actually much more of an issue with me with former friends than it is former lovers.

    There are a lot of friendships that I had in previous stages of my life that ended… some on a bad note, others just a natural drifting apart… that I’ll go back and stalk their social media to see what they’ve been up to, and it’ll drag up all the feels.

    But with ex-boyfriends? Not so much… And I think that’s because a lot of my ex-boyfriends transformed into friendships after the romantic piece of our relationship ended, thus following their social media doesn’t seem like stalking so much as keeping up with a friendship…. and with the few exes I have that I didn’t remain friends with? I just don’t care what happened to them.

  51. Thank goodness my exes all existed before Facebook was a thing. I can only imagine how tough it would have been (or potentially could be!) to have to resist the urge to check in. I’d have to force myself to de-friend the person and remove all pictures until some time went by, depending on how it ended, I guess.
    I work at a college and I did overhear a funny conversation between two girls:
    Girl one: my boyfriend and I did blah blah blah last night
    Girl two: oh my god, your boyfriend is so cute! I totally stalked you on insta.
    So I guess it’s a socially acceptable thing to do these days! LOL

  52. Annie says...

    He got really fat after we broke up, and it doesn’t look good on him. So stalking him always helps. :)

    • Christine says...

      I guffawed at this! My ex also put on weight, but then lost it. And then I stopped caring because I met someone better.

  53. Lena says...

    I do stalk my ex, but primarily to ensure that I don’t go to events he RSVPs to. He assaulted me after we broke up and at this point, ensuring that I can avoid crossing paths with him in our relatively small city is crucial for my sense of security.

    It’s one of those good/bad things about technology, I guess. Sucks that I sometimes see his updates, but good that I can keep tabs on where he’ll be and avoid him.

  54. I just checked the ‘People Who Added You’ list on Snapchat last night, and saw a user with the same (very NOT common) last name as an ex that had added me. Likely not a coincidence. I added him back just to see if it is him, then plan on erasing or blocking him because we haven’t spoken in years. But yes, I occasionally facebook/instagram stalk an ex and its always a bad idea. At the end of the day, though, I’ve been in an amazing relationship for 5 years, so who cares about those old guys?

  55. Abby Nittle says...

    This is my nightmare. So horribly embarrassed with you. Deleting my Facebook account right now. Hang in there.

  56. Lauren E. says...

    I Google my high school boyfriend every once in awhile but I have no feelings about him anymore – it’s more curiosity than anything else. However, I do stalk random people on Instagram that I have very loose connections to or don’t know at all. Sometimes it’s a girl with great hair who seems to have a great life, or sometimes it’s my fiance’s ex-girlfriend’s cousin who is dating a football player. I can’t explain it! But since it’s public, I can’t feel too bad about it, right?

    • Samantha says...

      I stalk random people too! Haha. It’s people that I don’t really wanna follow, but if I bump into their account, I’ll stalk them.

  57. jaclyn says...

    I don’t really FB stalk but I’m definitely guilty of peeking at wedding websites and registries and real estate purchases……..

  58. Lisa says...

    My ex, the only one I ever officially called a boyfriend and introduced to family, is not on Facebook or any other social media so I can’t stalk even if I wanted to. We did however stay in touch (but first no talking for a year after we broke up) for several years so I was kept updated anyway. He got a kid about a year after we broke up – he had heartbroken sex with some random girl who got pregnant – and a few years later he married another woman. I never felt jealous, we broke up for a reason and I was happy for him. I broke contact completely after he invited me over and I asked what his wife would say, and his response was “She is out of town, she doesn’t have to know.” No thanks. I no longer want anything to do with him.

    I sometimes look up cute guys from work, or people I meet when I’m out etc, but thats mostly to check if they are married. I used to have a no stalking-rule for dates until I discovered not one, but TWO men I dated were “happily” married. Great.

  59. Claire says...

    I occasionally check up on an ex. We still have some mutual friends and I’m just nosy, I guess. It’s not really stalking if the intent is pure, right?

  60. Just want to say that this is SUCH an interesting topic and I love reading everyone’s stories/comments!

  61. An iPhone app called “The Know” lets you be In The Know by telling you what someone’s relationship status is. Essentially the app allowes you to anonymously connect (chat) to people who have a relationship with or interest in the same person as you do. Basically, you can chat with “the other woman”. Potentially very useful if you are being lied to and think you are in a monogomous relationship…

  62. I’m so guilty of this! Whenever I hit a rough spot in my current relationship, I find myself FB stalking an ex. Not healthy, but generally it makes me feel better for not choosing that path. This post also reminds me of the scene in Inside Out where the mother’s mind drifts back to a former flame :)

    • Ha ha, yes! The Brazilian Helicopter Pilot! :p

  63. annie g says...

    What is this gizmo that notifies somebody when you look at their page!!??? OMG I have probably made a complete knob of myself without knowing…and it might explain why an ex suddenly appeared as somebody I might know on my page.
    Thank God my picture does not appear on my fb page.
    I think I am blushing as I type this…

  64. Melissa says...

    OMG, I stalked an old boyfriend once, who has very little internet presence. I somehow managed to sniff out that he was married, and living in the SAME city as me (faaaaaar from where we grew up). I proceeded to check his new wife’s FB once in awhile, you know, just out of curiosity, until she BLOCKED me. I have no idea how she knew I was creepin, but it totally weirded me out. Did I accidentally like one of her pictures? Did FB put me in her suggested friends list? I have no idea! But I was embarrassed enough to chill out on the social media wormhole for awhile.

  65. Morgan says...

    I have made the same mistake! Morgan is… {ex’s name here}

    I occasionally check up on old boyfriends, but mostly because I want the best for them and hope to find they have found success and happiness. I’m completely ambivalent about the idea that they may do the same; I’m happy in my life and hope they’d want that for me. :)

    Thanks for sharing Caroline and all the people who posted comments!

    • Jessica says...

      Morgan, it never entered my mind this could happen until Caroline’s post and now I am TERRIFIED that I could do it (or worse, have done it and never knew!).

  66. Shannon says...

    This is too funny. I have internet stocked exes..I’ve even looked up their wedding registries. Cringing thinking about it…That was a low point obviously.

    • Lauren E. says...

      ME TOO! Sometimes it’s the only search result!! Oh man, so embarrassing… But at least we’re not alone :)

  67. Andrea says...

    I dated my ex for five years, and broke up with me a year ago.I was so good about not stalking him–I’m talking Olympic level self-control. I unfriended him and his whole family on facebook, instagram, linkedin, everything. For some reason this week, I decided to look at his sister’s instagram (which is public) and BOOM, I see that my ex is now engaged to a girl he has known for 6 months. I don’t know what I was expecting to find, but I have learned a valuable lesson: if I go digging for information on him, I will definitely find SOMETHING, and it’s probably always going to be good news (because who shares bad news on social media?)

    On a more positive note, his hair looks horrible. Wait that wasn’t a positive note. But it still makes me feel a little better.

  68. My sister was FB friends with my ex and she would tell me news about him from time to time. Eventually I decided to sent him a friend request (after 7 years we broke up) but it turns out that he isn’t very active in FB, but his wife is, so I actually stalk her.

  69. I am actually so relieved to hear that I am not alone in this! I feel like such a loser when I hit up social media to dig up past feelings. I mostly refrain, except for one ex- as Melanie said above, my Mr. Big-type ex- whom I left devastatingly 5 years ago. We had such a wonderful connection, but we were in different places in life (and he, 10 years my senior. I was only 24!). Even though I am happily married now, it’s so hard not to sometimes think, “What if??”

  70. Awads says...

    i will stalk anyone, anytime, any where, any way! i like to see what other people are up to. it helps that i’m in a great place and have been for years. I just like to glimpse under the curtain, ya know?

  71. Kukla says...

    This is hilarious yet mortifying Caroline and I trust you consumed that entire baking sheet of brownies.

  72. Amy says...

    At first I thought Joanna wrote this post, haha. Then I realized it was you, Caroline :) I NEVER look up my ex. I don’t want to know a thing. Sure, I wonder about him, but I’m certain that no good can come of it. It’s been 6 years and I have absolutely no idea where he lives, what he does, or even if he’s married. And I’m happy not knowing :)

  73. Megan says...

    I have stalked exes, exes’ new girlfriends, the wives of former boyfriends and the college-aged daughter of a former long-distance fling (OMG, she was the funniest person on Twitter!). After breakups, I believe in unfriending on FB but eventually circle around to looking up exes on whatever other social media anyway. I used to beat myself up – What does it mean? Why am I doing this? It can’t be good! I’ve reached a point where I think it’s ok. Is it the healthiest thing? Nah. But at its core, it’s a form of curiosity about other people and their lives, and that’s natural. And it can be a sign post of sorts, too: when I realize it’s been months since I’ve checked an ex’s social media account, it’s such a relief! Like, yep! I must be officially over him! At any rate: if you want to, go for it. Just make sure it’s not emotionally destroying you to do so.

    • Jessica says...

      I am so interested in this thread. I think about deleting Facebook all the time. I barely go on or post anything as usually I end up just wasting time, getting irritated by people, or worse, getting depressed by everyone’s lives (which we know isn’t “real,” but still–why does it still have such power?). The only thing that keeps me from deleting it is that I have so many people that it’s the primary way I’m in contact with them–friends who live out of state or overseas, family members. The FB messenger has basically replaced email for many of these relationships. The obvious answer here is just to avoid going on, but still–the desire to delete it completely is very strong.

  74. Coco says...

    These comments are so interesting to read. I always wondered if it’s better to leave your ex as your FB friend to show them what they’re missing out on or to block them completely since they don’t deserve to know what’s going on in your life?

    I have also been toying with the idea of deleting FB. The idea feels very freeing. Do you any of you who have deleted FB miss it? WHAT WOULD I DO WITH ALL OF MY FREE TIME??? :)

    • Joanna says...

      I deleted Facebook completely after a very bitter breakup. I initially kept my ex as a friend on Facebook right after the breakup, but he quickly (too quickly in my heartbroken opinion) began posting pictures of his new girlfriend. I couldn’t handle it. You might say that I could have simply defriended him, but I deleted Facebook completely. I still contend it was one of the healthiest things I could have done for myself, and four years later I don’t miss Facebook AT ALL.

    • Mallika says...

      Oh do give letting go of Facebook a try. You will discover newspapers for news, other humans for personal interaction, and friends to go out and have fun with.
      I know I did. I left Facebook long after my current boyfriend did… And soon after I had taken that ventured, one night when my boyfriend and i were winding down the night already in bed ready to turn off the lights, I discovered that he was there beside me… And not what numerous other ppl out there were doing with their life. I discovered that he cutely reads a book before bed, but always gets up to check that the doors are locked and take a sip of water, I discovered that it was him that keeps a covered glass of water at my bedside in case I get thirsty… I also discovered so many more things beyond the screen on my phone. We now thoroughly enjoy a no phone near the bed rule. You just got to shut out the outside sometimes. And yes Facebook brings to much of the outside, in!

    • Lauren says...

      Coco, I deleted FB about 2 years ago and don’t miss it one bit! I also don’t have Instagram. It’s very freeing to live without social media.

    • Michelle says...

      I deleted FB earlier this year. One reason was an ex’s posts – all his posts would remind me of why I wanted him out of my life all those years ago! Without FB (or a TV for that matter) I read a lot more off-screen material in my free time: novels, newspapers, magazines, graphic novels. . . and spend time writing individual emails to friends that I really want to know about.

    • jaclyn says...

      I’ve been considering deleting my FB account but for the main reason that my own family has resorted to ONLY communicating with me through it instead of good old fashioned phone calls and lunch visits.
      I am very active on social media but generally speaking, I don’t post about personal topics or family matters but suddenly my family is always tagging me in posts or posting things about me and my life. Never in a malicious way, but it definitely feels like I’ve lost control of what gets posted about ME when it’s my family members who are doing the posting. And I hate seeing very sentimental posts from family members posted to the PUBLIC when they are often words that should be spoken to someone directly in person (i.e. my mother in law spouting on about how much she loves her son and what he means to her, when he doesn’t even have a FB account and she never says those things to his face.)
      Instagram however, I love. I’m a professional creative and I really like the visual inspiration I get from the people I follow….also I’m sure it’s no coincidence that none of my family members are on Instagram and I thoroughly enjoy my experiences with it unlike the violation I feel from FB.

    • Rebekah says...

      I deleted FB this year and don’t regret it at all. It was a stream of stress, complaining and stupidity… I realized that I don’t need to be so “connected.” I’m very happy with the decision!!

    • Theresa says...

      I deleted FB about three years ago, mostly during a painful time of infertility since I emotionally couldn’t handle all the baby posts. Thankfully, we have a little girl now and never did I go back to FB. It was the best decision ever to delete my FB account!

    • Karine says...

      Thanks to everybody in this special part of the comment section. I have been thinking about deleting my Facebook account for months. Created this account “only” a year ago. I just deleted it!! Back to my former self. Thanks for sharing!

    • Laura C says...

      This is making me smile a lot, because I have NEVER had a FB account. No Social Media here. I have people around me trying to convince me but I don’t like FB. Never did.
      I don’t like it and I don’t need it.
      But- yes, I stalked an ex in the past because his levels of privacy were not that high. Found out a new girlfriend and the stopped the stalking.
      And a few years later, a friend of mine sends me a picture of their wedding!!!
      You don’t need to stalk ladies… sooner or later you’ll know!!
      xox

    • Ellen says...

      I held on to my Facebook account until about 2 weeks after my wedding so I could see all the pictures that our guests shared, but I promptly deleted it after that and I haven’t missed it for a second. It’s been a year. I was simultaneously SO annoyed by the mindless stupidity on my News Feed yet SO compelled to check it at least 6 times a day. Like, why? Finally I just couldn’t stand to participate any more. I wrote down all my friends’ birthdays, bought a huge set of adorable blank note cards, and now I send actual mail instead of Facebook notifications! In fact, the only social media I have is my Linkedin profile. No insta, no twitter, nothin’. And no FOMO! As a matter of fact, friends and co-workers seem to find me very mysterious once they find out I’m “disconnected”. haha!

  75. karelys says...

    Caroline I love your writing voice!

    • S says...

      YES! she has a very very good one!

  76. Elisabeth says...

    Oh my gosh! I just did this! I am applying for faculty positions at the moment, while my husband applies for jobs in his field. One afternoon I thought I’d poke around and see if there were any openings for him in a town near a university where I had recently applied to work…. and I found out that my ex’s WIFE is working at the only place in town where he, too, could work?!?! How is this possible?!?! Needless to say, this discovery led to a long rabbit-hole of on-line stalking.

  77. cH says...

    Omg. My first love and I are friends on fb, which is harmless. Until! He tried to buy the house right next door to my new house! Right next door, windows looking into each other! So.much. Anxiety. Thankfully, he bid too low and someone else got the house. Score! Found out via fb he bought a house in his hometown and much further away. Smiles for days!

  78. C says...

    I used to stalk the ex’s girlfriend out of spiteful curiosity. It became habit forming and it didn’t make me feel any better. So I stopped. (But posting this comment makes me want to Google them out! Haha.)

  79. A says...

    Seriously, there are people who DON’T do this? I admire every one of them!

    My big deal of an ex isn’t on Facebook, thank goodness. But a guy I had a will they/won’t they dalliance with is still notionally my FB friend and not only do I stalk him, I stalk his current & ex partners too! I’ve even been known to analyse his ranking in my friends list (as in, does this mean he’s been looking at me…?)! So shameful! I would die if he found out!

  80. haha! if that happened to me, screw baking the brownies…I would have just eaten all the batter :)

  81. There was a time when I was getting “So-and-So has accepted your friend request” FB notifications from people I didn’t friend or even know! So I got a little freaked out and stopped poking around the profiles of exes or toxic friends, especially on my phone—FB might’ve accidentally friended them on my behalf!

  82. Maureen G says...

    My sister and I call it “research”! LOL

    • Kimberley says...

      My boyfriend and his friends (hooray! guys do it too) call it “giving someone the full audit”

    • Ellen says...

      LOL! My friends and I called it the “vetting process” for potential new love interests.

  83. K says...

    OMG this is the WORST. my (high school!) ex isn’t on FB but is on instagram and he is currently married to a pretty fancy and crazy successful jewelry designer, vacationing in rad deserts and being effortlessly cool. IT MAKES ME CRAZY. I’ve tried my hand at design many times and dang if this isn’t the thought that makes me second guess myself. It doesn’t help that the reason for our break up was all me. Somehow my brain thinks if I hadn’t messed up that could have been me! (that makes no sense I know) damn it all! but whatever! I’m super happy now and how funny is all of this?!

  84. Christina says...

    Well, we’re friends on Facebook, so I see all the family pics with his girlfriend and their two adorable kids. Unfortunately, I’m also going to be inundated with wedding pics, as they are getting married on Saturday. He lives on the other side of the world and I haven’t seen him for nearly 15 years, but…still. 😕

    • Annie says...

      I may have planned a trip on my ex’s wedding weekend solely to avoid said picture and to have awesome pictures of my own to post. :\

  85. I was “checking up on” the new wife of an ex and accidentally entered HER name into my status bar! It took me a few minutes to realize but luckily I deleted it before serious damage was done. It was a gut-wrenching feeling when I realized it, though. I have since deleted my FB and haven’t missed it for a minute. Too much temptation.

  86. Lana says...

    Hahahah! I’m convinced everyone does this and everyone thinks their ex’s new live is more attractive/successful/hilarious/fashionable
    than they are. The worst was when I told my sister (who is friends with my ex in FB. I am not) that I was convinced he was unhappy and turning into a troll. She did not take the hint and went on to tell me how happy he looks and how gorgeous his wife is. Shot through the heart, man.

  87. My big ex – the Mr. Big Sex and the City type – i thought about stalking him or re-adding him on Facebook but I’ve tried so hard to let it go so if I do it I feel like it’s a step backwards. I just have to close the door!

  88. Kristine says...

    Deactivating my personal facebook page was the greatest emotionally freeing thing I have done for myself. What’s my ex up to? Doesn’t matter, can’t see it. What’s that random high school acquaintance into doing right now? Who cares, doesn’t effect me. My productivity has gone up, I spend less time on the internet feeling sorry for myself and concentrate on my own projects, make time for people who mean something to me, and celebrate a little boredom :)
    Have your business facebook page, if you need one, and use it twice daily, 15 minutes tops. Gain some will power, don’t stalk exes, and move on!

    • I couldn’t agree more! Social media IMO is so toxic! Put the phone down and be present in life!
      If I don’t talk to you in real life, what you had for lunch is of no consequence to me.

  89. Amy says...

    Oh gosh. Back in the time of Myspace, I was trying to respond to a comment on my crushes page. (Not an ex, but still). It kept popping up as “error” so I would re-type it over and over thinking it wasn’t working. Frustrated it wouldn’t work, I gave up. The next day I saw a notification on my page of a comment he left. I was thrilled! Then after reading his comment I was confused…but when I went back to his page, I could see that my comment did in fact work (despite the error msg) and not just one, but all 40 attempts (or more?) were left on his page. I looked like a psycho. Not to mention each comment was slightly different as I couldn’t remember exactly what I wrote each time.
    I wanted to die.

    • Andrea says...

      This is hilarious

    • This made me laugh!!

    • annie g says...

      Made me bellow with laughter! Brilliant.

    • This so reminds me of the movie “Swingers”! Hilarious

  90. Rachael says...

    I blame Adele. Something about her sad songs about exes brings out the facebook stalker in otherwise sane people!

    • No kidding. Her new song is seriously wrecking my week. :( LOL

  91. Natalie says...

    Oh man, my only ex I didn’t keep in contact with was, fortunately, not on Facebook when we broke up. As a part of getting over that relationship, I NEVER looked him up.

    Then, one day, years later, his wife commented on something on a mutual friend posted, and I got curious. So I looked them up, and they had just bought a house and were pregnant with their first child. Cured me of any desire to stalk them again! It just wasn’t good for my state of mind. (Though it would certainly be fine now, but I don’t care anymore…)

  92. Tilly says...

    Oh my God, did you really enter his name into your timeline??!! HA!!! I have nearly done that on so many occasions. I only have Facebook so that I can stalk anyone and everyone I have ever met and their offspring and their friends… What other purpose does it serve? Have fun and enjoy it, before they introduce a feature that lets people know you’re looking at their page. Now that would really kill the buzz.

  93. Susan says...

    Rarely do it because I have (am) the unhappy stalkee for about three years now & it is awful. This is a vicious sort rather than checking in to see what someone is up to. Honestly, I can pretty much see through the spotless lives of the social media accounts of exes. I mostly have seen women who were as unhappy as I was with a few guys. Remember that peeps. He (she) isn’t suddenly the best person ever if he wasn’t before. (Not saying people can’t change but a few months later? Nope. :)

    • Annie says...

      Yes! I can totally relate to this.

  94. Cait says...

    It’s tempting from time to time, I think we’ve all done it at some point and have had an embarrassing snafu as well. Now, when I’m tempted, I ask myself, “Have you ever felt better after doing this?” The answer is always not only no, but hell no, so I back away and proceed on with my binge-watching/online shopping/brownie-eating ;)

  95. When I broke up with my ex in… 2008? I blocked him on FB, untagged or deleted all photos of the two of us, and blocked him on Gchat. Or so I thought.
    Summer of 2014, his brother added me on LinkedIn. I always liked his family, so I went to look at what his brother was doing, and while I was on, my ex’s profile popped up, so I clicked to see what he was doing now as well., totally forgetting that I had never changed that dumb setting that notifies people when you look at their profile. Fast forward to a few days later, at work, my Gmail open, and suddenly I get a message from him, because apparently I had only hidden his name all those years before, not blocked him. I almost puked. We talked for a few minutes, during which time he didn’t mention a word about the fact that he was married, or that his wife was pregnant at the time. It was all him flattering me, trying to bring up the past, and saying how we should talk more. Umm…. HARD PASS. The conversation ended, I made sure to block him fully this time, and then I went home and laughed about it with my husband.
    I know some people can and are friends with their exes, but when the ex is a jerk with a penchant for reuniting with old flames (his current wife is a former ex of his who cheated on him when they dated before), stay far away.
    Also: don’t stalk, especially when you haven’t changed your LinkedIn settings.

  96. Your status update mistake made me cringe! That’s my worst nightmare! I’m a HUGE ex-bf stalker, I can’t help it! My ex just had his first child a year ago, and moved across the country to live with his baby-mama (no, they’re not a couple, they basically barely know each other) and I just find it so interesting to follow their lives and how they’re managing their strange situation.

    http://www.smallestthing.com

  97. Amy says...

    I do this. And I don’t think it’s really that healthy. I mean, do I really NEED to know that the girl he’s dating is pregnant? Oh. And now look. They had a baby girl, and I love her name. Wow. Congratulations on getting married! You’ll be a great husband and father but…I’m going to keep checking to see if your wife stays fat.

    Completely. Unnecessary. #cantstop

  98. Ashley says...

    I used to stalk exes all the time but have recently decided NO MORE. It’s so much better for my dating life (and general well-being) to focus on what is in front of me.

  99. kelly says...

    No. Thankfully I don’t use Facebook. I quit in 2009 and never looked back. As for exes when a relationship is over it’s over. I’ve remained friends for a bit afterwards but it always seemed like a unhealthy friendship especially when you start dating someone new. Most of the time my exes really irk me so it’s freeing to just let go. I wish them the best though.

  100. I told my younger sister “When I was first on facebook, there was no “like” button and all statuses started with ‘is'” — her mind was duly blown.

    I went through a devastating break up and college, and my ex didn’t (and still doesn’t) have facebook. It was such a blessing in disguise!

  101. rachel says...

    I actually had to force myself to delete my ex from my Facebook friends. Full disclosure: he broke my heart into a million pieces and some days I’m over him, some days I’m not. I found I kept looking him up, and if friends tagged him in a status or picture, I would spiral into sadness over not being with him still. Even though on a normal day I know that him ending things was really for the best, I would get stuck in the same loop of “what-ifs” – for a few minutes or a few hours, but sometimes for days.

  102. Laura says...

    Ugh. I accidentally sent my ex’s fiancee a friend request. Cringing so hard thinking about it.

    • Tilly says...

      Ha! Did she accept??

    • lauren says...

      oh man, when we were first dating, I used to stalk my now husband’s ex-girlfriend and accidentally sent her a request. eek!

    • Betsy says...

      I did this but blamed it on my 2 year getting a hold of my phone and “accidentally” making a bunch of friend requests. It was sort of believable as she was someone Facebook suggested I should be friends with (based on mutual friends, etc.) but who knows.

  103. I’m very happily married, and I actually chose between my husband an another guy and know 100% that I made the right choice, and I still stalk the other guy from time to time. It’s more curiosity than longing. He was a huge part of my life and then he wasn’t, so I think that connection and wondering would be there even without the internet. I texted him (innocent, I promise) not long ago because I had heard some news from a mutual friend about him, and the next day *someone* looked through every single one of my blog posts. I can’t help but assume it was him (I also can’t help but be mortified by some of the things he probably read! Haha).

  104. My first thought to this was “Doesn’t everyone?” Instagram stalking may be the worst because everything seems so pretty and perfect.

  105. Lizzz says...

    Such a funny story! Yes!! I do check in on exes. I even “friended” a one night stand just in case I needed to get back in touch with him. Ha.

    • Katie says...

      ahahaha, it’s perfect

  106. Christie says...

    I prefer to think of it as friendly curiosity than stalking. ;)

  107. Lauren says...

    Ha! This reminds me to stalk an ex that I haven’t checked up on in awhile. I don’t think that men do this– or do they?

  108. Kristin says...

    Stalking exes is something I do more than I’d like to admit. I’m currently in a happy relationship myself, but I have an ex who is about to become a father. For some reason, even though my ex was so wrong for me, I feel this odd need to look at his facebook and see if they have had their baby yet?? I can’t explain why I do this, but I should probably stop.

    • Jay says...

      Same here! I haven’t stalked my ex in a few months now, but he’s expecting a baby with his new girlfriend soon so the urge pops up every now and then (even though I’m in a new relationship). Fighting that urge is such a struggle sometimes…

    • Annie says...

      Yes! I actually ended up unfriending him shortly after baby. Long story, but he was still trying to woo me (showed up at a party he was not invited to to see me while me and my boyfriend – now husband – were there) and then found out that he had gotten some rando pregnant (he seriously called to tell me the news, and I quote: “she said she couldn’t get pregnant!” – that still makes me laugh). He eventually married her (“It’s really more her problem than mine if I walk away”) and now tells even his coworkers how he doesn’t care about her but loves his kid. Sooooo, knowing the back story makes all the sweet family comments gross and annoying. Miraculous news though – now they’re expecting baby #2! :P hahaha
      (I know what you’re all thinking: He sounds like a charmer! What happened with that? I know, I know. I could have been livin the dream. :P Bahahaha)

    • Annie, I think your ex is mi ex!! Hahaha same story!! He’s had baby #2 with someone he doesn’t love and still tries to woo me!

  109. Jennifer says...

    Exactly, Susan! :) I deleted my FB account about 4 years ago and I haven’t looked back since. I think the less temptation I have, the better off I am. :)

  110. Jessica says...

    Stalking an exes current flame….oh boy…such a heinous hobby of mine. (I’m happily married and still can’t give it up)

  111. this is exactly why i don’t use Facebook anymore… but now… maybe it could be safe for me :)