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The aunt life is the best life. By the lovely Grace Farris.
P.S. The aunt heart and types of aunts.
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My favourite response when a kid asks me if they can show me something is, “heck yeah you can!” or when they ask if I want to do something with them, “heck yeah I do!”
It’s like I surprise them with my unexpected enthusiasm and I always get an extra big smile. Feels whimsy!
I am very lucky to have been surrounded by tons of aunties and uncles growing up but my dad’s sister is my favorite fav. She is the best aunt and even though I am very grown up, she still says, “of course.” I feel incredibly grateful to have her and to have all that love I can now pour into being an auntie. I have always been a “yes” parent but being an “of course” aunt hits differently. I highly recommend ordering Starbucks for your nieces and their friends to pick up one afternoon after school. Add brownies or cookies too, of course. Hugs to all those awesome aunties out there!
I’m that aunt too, my niece means the world to me. I can’t live wihout her and can’t refuse her anything. She’s coming for lunch tomorrow and I’m so happy!
Also, we’ve been trying for a baby for years now, and being an aunt makes me a bit less sad and desperate.
My dream. I don’t think it’s in the cards for me unless one of my siblings changes their mind and has a kid stat. If anyone in NYC needs a neighborhood aunt please hit me up :)
HJ just do what I do and sign every birthday card to a young child in your orbit, from Aunty HJ. Wildly effective at collecting niblings.
Reminds me of “there’s always more fun on the other side of a ‘yes’”.
It’s me!!
It’s been such a privilege for me becoming an aunt. My partner’s niece was two when we met, and she’s now nearly eight. To watch her grow up, cheer on her cartwheels, buy her her first rollerblades (I was terrified, she loved them and has now grown out of them and requested another pair), have her introduce me to Bluey and go swimming in the sea. I feel so lucky. 18 months ago, my sister and I unexpectedly became estranged, just before she was going to have her first child. I was devastated when it happened – both because it meant I was losing her, but also the chance to meet my soon-to-born nephew and be able to be a ‘nearby aunt’ (my niece lives 7 hours away, whereas I was going to be looking after this baby once a week as we lived 20 minutes away). I loved my aunts growing up, but they lived in another country so I barely saw them – I’d always hoped as a kid that they lived closer, and I’d moved across the country in part so I could be that nearby aunt. Anyway, all of that has meant that my niece feels even more like an unexpected, incredible gift, especially as earlier this year she asked if we could start writing letters to each other! It was the sweetest thing. And I will continue to say ‘of course!’ to anything she asks for.
This is my dream! Sadly due to a combination of family estrangements and mental illness, I did not grow up with aunts or uncles playing a major role in my life. Now as an aunt myself, I am so committed/excited to taking on this kind of role in my nibblings’ lives! The major challenge so far is that we live several states away from our nibblings and they’re small enough (all 4 and under) that it’s hard to “stay in touch” at a distance. We do FaceTime and I regularly send their parents photos of animals I see to share with the kiddos (plus of course we go ALL IN when there’s in person family time), but does anyone have other tips for cultivating these family relationships while the kids are young + living far away??
I live across the country from all of my nieces and nephews! FaceTime is a mainstay, but I have some that I don’t get to talk with as much because of their parents’ schedules. The best I have found is to send lots of snail mail. Every time I travel anywhere, I send them postcards, and I do my best to get letters in the mail for their birthdays, addressed just to them. And then following up in person! I am always open to finding new ways to connect with them though, these are such important relationships! I always say my nieces and nephews heal things in me that they never broke <3
Our nieces are an ocean away, and the youngest was born December 2019, so we had a couple years of covid times when we didn’t see each other. Photo books of family members for babies and little ones (you can get board books printed with your own photos), and lots of shared pictures on WhatsApp. We also did “challenges” between the cousins in 2020, like baking things, or doing a certain puzzle, etc. And then shared the results through pictures. FaceTime never worked great except for the adults to catch up, and us to see the occasional gymnastics moves :)
I have toddlers and my family is on the other coast. A few ideas:
– My brother and daughter send each other video questions/answers. He’ll ask “what’s your favorite food?” she’ll record a video and say “mac n’ cheese. Do you prefer airplanes or police cars?” The clips are usually short and easy, but we’ve done it daily for weeks now and over time they’ve really go to know each other. Toddlers ask some wild questions.
– Do you have pets? My other brother sends us lots of photos of his dog’s daily activities and the dog has become a celebrity in our life.
– When you do facetime, don’t just do faces. Kids don’t really have the patience for a face conversation. Instead, take them on a tour of your backyard, or show them all the different color hats you own, narrate cleaning out your junk drawer, etc.
– Send them stickers in the snail mail
– Send them poprocks in the snail mail
– Send them a picture of their parent as a kid in the snail mail
– Send them a picture you drew in the snail mail and include a stamped envelope so they can send you one back.
I have two young children, and two siblings who live states away. Both my kids adore their aunt and uncle. Here are some things they do that work great for us:
– Aunt loves to thrift and will often send small packages of clothes, photos, decor, books, etc. as a “just because” present
– Uncle has certain games/phrases he uses every time he video calls or sees them in person. They know if he’s on the phone he’s going to threaten to “get them” or talk about eating little girls for a snack and they squeal and giggle with delight.
– Frequent video calls
– Travel to see us when money and time work out
– One of my kids is very similar to Aunt and we talk often about how that connects them
I particularly appreciate when my siblings video call to talk specifically to my kids, and take an interest in what interests them. It’s easy for the conversation to switch over to talking between adults, but the kids love when Aunt or Uncle calls to talk with them.
I literally used the names of my aunts as the pseudonyms for the participants in my dissertation. Because it was always…”of course” with all of them. It’s my turn (and my wife’s) now and I am embracing it fully!
Every year, I hold a “Cosmo Can Day” for my nephew, Cosmo. It’s a national holiday where he can ask to do whatever he wants to do, and I say, “Of course!” It’s so much fun. (I haven’t had to veto anything yet. This past summer, we went to the one park “that’s far away,” had ice cream, played board games, and watched a movie.)
this is so so sweet!!!
Jo, were you in Manhattan on 9/11? I’d be so curious to hear any recollections of the day and/or weeks after!
I was still in Michigan, slated to drive to NYC on September 13th to start an unpaid internship at Cosmopolitan on September 15th. I ended up moving October 15th instead. It was a scary and devastating time in the city. We know a lot of people who lost relatives and friends and think about them often. Nowadays, on the days around September 11th, there is a beautiful annual memorial of a skylight, that shines from the 9/11 memorial site into the clouds. We can see it from our apartment, and it feels very holy. xoxoxo
Wow, so interesting to hear your POV. Thank you for taking the time to share!
It also reverses with age! I saw my 20 year-old nephew’s 401k sign up package and asked him if he wanted me to go through it with him and he said, “Of course!”
This is 100% me. My nephew could ask me to do anything (short of murder) and I’d say of course!
I have gone down SO MANY water slides at the request of one of my nieces
My youngest child just started college and we learned that we can’t attend parents weekend due to a scheduled surgery for my husband. So I called my sister to see if she would go.
Of course. ❤️
I have stood in for my siblings at more than one parents weekend–it was a gift to be trusted by them!
This made me so teary. My mom, a single mom, is one of ten siblings. My aunts raised me as much as she did. Months ago, my aunt lent me her sweatshirt and I fell in love with it. It’s super sentimental to her (maybe why I love it) so she had me give it back. “Ok, but want you to make it clear in your will that I get this shirt!” Fast forward, I have a pretty intense surgery coming up this month and you’ll never guess what showed up in a package on my porch. (“Of course!”)
SOB!!!!!!
My heart! Good luck with the surgery and a speedy recovery to you. I hope you feel your aunt’s love when you recover while wearing her sweatshirt!
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