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Just over here spitballing. By the wonderful Grace Farris.
P.S. Kid humor, and parenting moments I live for.
Parenting Methods I’ve Tried
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Desperate call out to CoJ moms: I have a 3 year old that likely has ADHD (her dad was diagnosed as a kid, and everyone says she acts just like he did). I’m at my wits end with how to parent her. I’m doing her a disservice, I just know it. Any resources you have would be greatly appreciated. There’s only so many smoothies I can make!
Desperate smoothie parenting is real!
I didn’t know others did this until today! Ha, we’re all living the same (desperate) life.
We just came home from short family holiday and I asked my kids what kinds nd of holiday parent we are. They said I am like no matter what disaster happens or how terribly things are going I’ll enthusiastically say everything is great and preserve on the good times! and they said Dad is like airport Dad and everything needs to be organised and car packed perfectly. I think I’m like Steve Martin in Cheaper by the dozen 2 or Clarke Griswald hahaha!
I am totally the smoothie mom. About to entice my 10 year old into making one right now!
When my kids were young, I couldn’t afford video games.
Smoothies we made!
I’m the desperate chocolate smoothie mom…banana, maca, coconut milk, cacao powder, cinnamon, ice cubes…my kids think they’re getting a milkshake and they stop fighting for 5 minutes…
as someone (with a teen) who has cycled through all these gentle methods, i get a chuckle trying to picture my own parents trying these on in the ’70s and ’80s. imagine a cartoon of the various techniques ours used to use….(“you’re wearing that?!” “look what you did!” “when will you ever learn?!” “where is your head today?” etc etc)
and…What are you thinking about, nothing?!
When they get to be teens, you get to try Potted Plant Parenting!! (NYT gift link: https://www.nytimes.com/2016/12/14/well/family/what-do-teenagers-want-potted-plant-parents.html?ugrp=u&unlocked_article_code=1.j00.K1N3.7coJ3luYagDq&smid=url-share)
That was a great article!
Thank you for posting this, it’s great! Lisa Damour’s book a really good and reassuring too. I like this idea of the potted plant. Sometimes if my teen or pre-teen having a rough time I’ll ask do you feel like chatting or silent company. They usually go for silent company and then it turns later into a chat. If they want to be totally alone I’ll say ok I’m just (insert mundane activity in house or reading). I liked how in the article she talked about parents being a dependable base to explore from. Thanks again Suz!
Yay. So glad to have pointed a couple of people to something helpful. And today, I showed a woman at the grocery store how to use her fingernail to make the buttons on the bulk weighing machine work. Lately I’m finding that these tiny moments of helping are some of the most fulfilling… huh.
lol. Grace Farris forever please❤️❤️❤️❤️
I only have a 16-week old puppy at the moment (no human babies yet) and this is still pretty relatable.
I’m one degree of separation from the smoothie mom- the banana swirl mom 💁🏻♀️
Haha, Daniel tiger! I see you. :)
Desperate smoothie mom has to be one of the most surprisingly relatable things I’ve seen. I’m not the only one that reaches for the noisiest appliance when I’m desperate for the promise of imminent silence?!
I turn the radio on really loud so I ‘can’t hear’ the whining!
“desperate smoothie mom” has been my version of “wine mom” all along, I just never knew what to call it. Thank you.
I became ungovernable at an early age (I wasn’t an especially wild child, but I ha-a-ated rules I considered arbitrary), so poor Jeanne O. had to contend with things like me putting soap in my own mouth so I could curse (something she suggested as a cliched punishment and would *never* have done). I salute you, Jeanne O.
this is amazing. i love little you!
OMG I remember doing the soap thing to *myself* one time. I wish I remembered the curse word I said to inspire that…
You might look at Gretchen Rubin’s 4 Tendencies framework. You sound like a Questioner.
My son once put himself in time out at like 2.5yo. At the time, we used the Alexa to set a timer for 2 minutes for time outs. He said the name for our Alexa and “set timer for 2 minutes” and went and sat on the step! That was the end of the Alexa!!
We would also tell him that if he did XYZ again, he would go in time out. He would stand there and think about it for a minute, then either do it or not. We could see the wheels turning in his head to decide if it was worth it or not! We called it deciding to ‘take his nickel.’
Dear Lauren O., I’m a preschool teacher and I often say to parents that the traits that can make parenting hard can end up being the traits that make their grownup children amazing! Like a super strong-willed child won’t let anyone push them around as an adult, etc. (As befits a preschool teacher at the end of the week, I’m super tired, so hopefully what I’ve written makes sense!)
Hahaha my 7 year old consistently asks “what’s the punishment?” so she can weigh her options. It’s gonna be a wild ride through the teenage years.
Lauren O, I could be totally off base so feel free to disregard, but the word « ungovernable » made me wonder if you have heard of PDA? It’s stands for Pathological Demand Avoidance and is a type of neurodivergence that is not well-known or studied in North America, but which i think really often is undiagnosed or misdiagnosed. It took some random internet comments for us to figure out that our very, very complicated (and ungovernable!) son has PDA, so I have been trying to spread awareness in the hopes that knowing about PDA might help someone else make sense of themselves or a loved one!
I try to be Growth Mindset or Coach Mom, but sometimes I default to Shaming Mom ☹️ Big hugs to all of you raising small humans and trying to be better every day ❤️
Hugs to you Diana! You are being human and that is what your kids need, not a “perfect” parent (whatever that would even look like). My first thought when I saw the singing mom picture was: you can’t yell while you are singing! Works really well when I remember it (whispering works too).
Needs the “just add water” method!
Fun fact, I found this on an old Sark poster from 1990! Time tested
I just came here to say the same thing!
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