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I feel seen. By the amazing Grace Farris.
P.S. Mom voices and taking kids hiking.
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Heather! I love this story. Hahahahahahahaha.
For anyone in the desert….please add, “look Mom, we found a scorpion!!!” Gulp.
Unpopular opinion, but man, so much complaining from folks who have kids! I know, this is “playful” or “satire,” but at its heart, it is a gripe about how hiking is a lot harder with kids. If you aren’t prepared for everything you do to be harder as a result of the kids, you were kidding yourself when you had them. Please do us all a favor and stop whinging about a decision you made.
As a parent, I see it as an attempt to connect with other parents, and validate the feeling of “this is really hard, right?” I always remark to my husband, after spending time with other parents, that I feel so much better about the whole chaos of parenting. It’s nice to feel like you’re not alone, that your kids aren’t the only ones who drive you crazy; we’re going through it together and need to be able to laugh about it!
I echo what Barbara said. Two things can be true: wanting to have children and acknowledging that things are harder with them. I hope you feel that you are able to complain about decisions you made from time to time!
Corinda I get what you’re saying I do, but: While I having kids as is a decision on PERSONAL level, it is not a decision on a SOCIETAL level. Like, legit, someone has to do it, unless you, Corinda, want to be the youngest person left on earth and grow old and retire have no younger people around to drive your bus or Uber, grow or serve your food or be your doctor or caregiver. People who decide not to have children are entirely justified in their decision, but YES, your life is logistically and financially easier because someone else is doing the heavy lifting of keeping the human race going and society functioning. These people are allowed to lighthearrtedly complain from time to time.
Remember: You were once a child. Every adult ones. Until we start cloning full-blown adults, calling having children a choice is just… Well, it’s just dumb. Sorry, I said what I said.
*So many typos in my response: sorry! But you get the gist I hope. Somebody has to have children in this world and if you personally don’t want to, all you need to do is show a wee bit of gratitude that other people on this earth are doing the hard work that you don’t want to. That’s all.
To Embed, that’s…one way of looking at the world. All childfree people are selfish and parents are doing all the hard work that support all freeloading childfree people. With that attitude, gently, any wonder that there is some pushback?
What about “stopping to play for a minute” – “this is our house and we’re all dinosaurs…”
If it were up to my child every ten minutes we’d stop to play for half an hour. It’s agonizingly slow. Continuing to hike while playing or trying to work hiking into the game is…not ideal. There was that one time we were a dinosaur family being chased, which resulted in him trail running the entire second half of the hike. It was amazing. That one time lol.
Hmm… I think I’m a kid.
This map reads like my internal monologue when hiking, complete with the love for it at the end. My map would also have several stops for *picks wedgie,*complains about the weather *points out specific and surprising colours in nature *resents the weight of the water bottle *saves a leaf, feather or stick as a souvenir *loses leaf, feather or stick and along with all that; omnipresent *worries about deadly critters.
Guys. I grew up in Ohio and live in Illinois. What is the definition of a hike? Is it a walk with elevation? Does it have to be in a wooded area? Should I google local hikes (I’m sure they’re all fairly far away) and then drive there? What’s the appropriate ratio of driving time to hiking time with small children? It sounds like you all love hiking. I want to try it!
ADR,
Not an expert here, but I define a “hike” as a walk in nature where you take snacks! Candy even, whatever it takes. Also, kids MUST be dressed comfortably, as an itchy tag or cold ears are magnified x1000 in nature. Only you know how long is “too long” in the car with your kids, haha. For my kids, if there’s a lake or river involved, they will undoubtedly be happy. Yes, google hikes in your area, read reviews on AllTrails and just go! Happy trails!
I love hiking and hope you give it a try! I think of a hike as a walk anywhere in nature. Think beach hikes, desert hikes, wood hikes, snow hikes etc. Have fun exploring!
I’d say a hike is any type of walk in nature! Doesn’t matter the distance, elevation, strenuousness, terrain. Sometimes a hike is just a fancy name for a walk! You can even do urban hikes! For me it’s just about exploring. Illinois sounds like you may have some lovely prairie hikes! Sometimes a hike with my kid is 10 minutes, sometimes it’s a couple of hours (based on whether he’s walking or I’m carrying him and he falls asleep lol).
This past summer, we took the kids on a little hike recommended by the seasonal campers at a campsite where we were staying. When we told the manager we were going he joked “hope you find your way back!” Laughing like crazy. We asked “is it okay for us and our little kids?” He said “sure!” Cue two hours of being lost on a mountain with poorly marked trails (all the same orange square despite going up or down the mountain)! We had snack breaks, pee breaks, GPS breaks and also freak outs while lost. But my two little kids still talk about it as being the time they “climbed a mountain” lol to impress friends.
My family of origin didn’t hike, basically didn’t do anything physical. So when I married my first love being in the wilderness.
My eldest turns 20 today! Despite the whining, the bribing, the emergency outdoor pooping, wet socks from jumping over streams, etc, there has been a moment in every hike for the last 10 years (usually about 75% through) when the 3 kids take off on their own, chatting animatedly about SOMETHING (probably video games??) My husband and I hang back, I get teary and he takes a picture of the three of them, heads tilted together, bodies animated, outside in the tall trees and mountains and totally unaware of their parents. I have dozens of these pictures and cherish them!
I love this Jenny! I have three too, ages 5 months through 5 years. Glimpses into future stages like this make my heart swell.
We always hike. And bring vitamin C!
(Candy)
YES! I love her work and this one especially hits home. The only items I would add are bathroom breaks. They always come at really inconvenient times, and my daughter is notorious for an, “I guess I don’t have to go,” after we got everything situated (including the key squat position) and several bikers/hikers/dogs have already walked by.
Could add:
Waves at passing firetruck.
My daughters generally loved hiking, especially when fueled with trail mix and either hot chocolate or lemonade – season dependent. We had a couple seasons long break from hiking at one point and the next time out, my youngest (5)looked up at me as she walked beside me, sweetly holding my hand and inquired “Mom? Do we LIKE hiking?” She wasn’t quite sure if this was business or pleasure! It was hilarious.
i ask myself the same question every time i go hiking! lol
This:-) I’ve done a lot of hiking/entry-level mountaineering in my life and we always laugh about how it’s something you can absolutely HATE while doing it, but retrospectively LOVE as soon as you get to your destination/find some particularly blissful moment on the trail.
Do we like hiking? OMG I love this so much LOL
Our kid has wised up that the bag of little candies we dole out is in our pack *the whole time* and now wants the bag at the start of the trail. Too smart for her own (and our) good.
What about the “too urgent to wait for the next outhouse seemingly out of nowhere except for the fact that it’s been obvious to the parents and happens every time poop.” One of my kids is a professional at this, and my husband’s gotten good at helping him facilitate these fecal ….experiences and then bury it using sticks and whatnot. Omg. Gotta love how everything with my kids leads back to poop somehow.
We called this maneuver ‘being a bear.’ Boys especially seem to loooooove it.
Nailed it. 100%.
100% I bribe my kids with gummy bears on hikes. They love stopping for a “bear break.”
And fret not about bribery moms, as I’ve been absolved of guilt about this since I heard Cheryl Strayed share in an interview that she bribed her kids with gumdrops on hikes! The Queen of Wild and PCT hiker extraordinaire’s kids also needed sweet encouragement!
I second this. Bribe with candy 100% on hikes with kids.
Oh! Today, I was just on a 5-mile hike with my 6-year old & it turned out to be much tougher than expected. He was an absolute champ for three hours – with no snacks or complaints. While congratulating myself on having the best kid ever, I started wondering if maybe it’s totally normal, ha!
We did a 5-mile hike in Sedona a few years back, when our youngest was four years old. There were some complaints, but she forged ahead and made it. I think if you get your kid used to hikes/long walks young, they are possibly more accepting?
How do you accomplish this??? We have tried 1-2 mile (and honestly even shorter 0.5 mile) hikes with our kids. No candy or view or marching song or game of I spy is enough to keep them moving. Within 100 yards of starting they are always in crumpled heaps wailing to go home. Tell me your secret!
Oh my gosh I love it all, but that first snack break ~10 feet from the start! Just hits so hard!!
Our 4.5 year old got a toddler backpack and he prides himself on packing snacks for hikes – that has helped get him out the door! Not included is the older sibling whining in the car, the “we will have fun!” reinforcing from parents, and then, of course, both kids in the car after saying it was so much fun. As this very well may happen, do what I didn’t do and record it to show the next time a hike comes up. Because saying, “don’t you remember? you loved it! The rock scrambling…” falls on deaf ears.
My mom friend crew and I take our motley crew of up to 6 toddlers plus 2 babies (usually one family is missing thanks to colds) on trips to the park and walks on nature trails. One kid usually melts down (most often mine) and refuses to get out of the wagon to walk, one little one is declared the runner of the day who tries to escape the trail and society’s pressures, and both babies need a boob break or two along the way. The most consistent hiker in our crew is the youngest walker, who is about 1.5 and is happy to move with forward motion as long as she is plied with snacks. I am so grateful for these outings with my friends and their kids, even if we move with the speed of pond water and pushing four toddlers in a wagon back to the house feels like the hardest boot camp you’ve ever attended.
We’re a hiking family, and I HAD to share this with my husband. So spot-on! hahahahahaha
Snack break right out of the starting gate made me laugh so hard. Yep! Relate also to the seemingly benign stick battle, lol.
Would add at the exact halfway mark: “One child sits down and refuses to move further while another child declares they need to use the bathroom immediately (despite going to the bathroom 10 minutes ago, or for the older crowd, declaring 10 minutes ago that they definitely did NOT need to use the bathroom).”
Would also add at the exit: “Kids declare it was fun and ask why don’t we take them hiking more often” :P
Not to mention having to carry the kids the whole way?
My now 13 year old used to be the best hiking companion. When he was two we could walk up and down our local mountains for hours on end (obviously there were snacks – but they were always only fruit and sandwiches). But fast forward to last couple years and you would think it was a pure act of torture. One day though as I drove my son and his friend into the national park, I was explaining how therefore trees so fiercely windswept they looked like they were cut straight from a fierce fairytale when my son’s friend piped up with “I just think you should know that we don’t like trees quite as much as you seem to think we do”.
Between the bushfires, floods and ticks we’ve gotten out of the habit of regular long bush walks, something I really want to rectify.
“I just think you should know that we don’t like trees quite as much as you seem to think we do” – Ahahahahahaha.
Interesting, though, it was you son’s friend and not your son who made that comment. probably your son was quietly thinking that trees are that interesting. Lol
As a former small child who was bribed with hiking snacks, I can confirm that it works XD My parents bribed me and my sibs liberally with hiking snacks when we were small, and we always had lunch and special chocolate at the top. We’re all avid hikers now as adults, and liked them pretty well as kids, too. (Although a hike without chocolate still just feels wrong to me haha)
The only thing missing is the constant stream of commentary from the young one…..so much for the peacefulness of nature!
Wait! Don’t give up though. This is 100% accurate but try to think of continuing the hikes as periodically introducing a food your child doesn’t like because tastes change over time. My brother asked me how I get my daughter to go on hikes without complaining. I don’t. She complains… she’s a pain, frankly. But she usually likes it at the end and her mental health is in a better place. I’ve learned to keep the hikes shorter (under an hour) and try to find places with cool features. Purgatory Chasm in MA was a hit with its cool rock formations as was Mt. Greylock (we only hiked the summit because gotta keep it short) because there was a snack bar and hotel at the top.
the name Purgatory Chasm is so complicated haha! This reminds me that when we were kids, my dad would take us skiing and we named our favorite route “Coconut Smoothie.” Idk why we decided to name it, but we LOVED that route. Maybe a fun way to get kids to like hiking is to let them come up with new trail names for hikes that you do often? Ownership often helps kids take greater liking of something !
The better the snacks, the more successful the hike.
This one made me laugh out loud! Thank you Grace! Have a beautiful weekend!
Hahaha! Love Grace Farris so much!! I love all the contributors that this blog has introduced me to–but Grace is definitely one of my favorites! I’m not even a mom–haha!–but all her work resonates with me and makes me smile!
We started back country camping and true hiking during covid when our son was 5. He can now do 7+ miles with elevation gains and water crossings, without issue. This is a kid who is ADHD and is future debate champion. What helps: (1) tell them they are the trail leader (2) let them walk first (3) remind them what great trail leaders do (4) hike with a dog (5) gear them up with a pack so it feels like an expedition (6) ask them to try to spot wildlife (7) if they like lists or drawing, create a log of what was seen and heard. Hiking is so therapeutic for body and mind, and really builds perseverance and resilience.
Oh yes. My children can sprint a playground for two hours straight, but as soon as we attempt forward motion on a path lined with trees, those legs become jello limbs rooted in place – unable to support their bodies or propel themselves forward.
Same here, what is this?! Mine will swim in the pool for HOURS on end (a workout I’d definitely brag about), but walking a zero elevation mile is too much.
This is so true, though I would argue that a two mile hike is actually just one long snack break.
Things that help get the little feet moving:
-M&Ms for bribes
-Looking for hag stones along the way, or a tree that is the same height as you (or another highly specific thing…)
-Always be hiking to water you can play in: a creek, a lake, whatever. And spend an hour playing once you get to it.
What is a hag stone? We do tons of hiking and I’m always using this trick of let’s find XYZ to keep the kids engaged but I have never heard the phrase “hag stone” and I’m quite intrigued.
Spot on! Plus add in engaging in a small “fun” activity that results in a meltdown when you have to stop. Makes you question if it was worth it in the first place
We’re on our second year of traveling through national parks with our two kids. The first time was to all the US National parks, this time Chile’s. The key to good hikes is “power pellets” or any small candy, like nerds or tictaks or something. Declaring them “power pellets” and giving them one at a time every mile or so yields wonderful results. This worked when my kids were 2 and 4 and still works well at 8 and 10!
Enter: the power of the jellybean.
After reading about Erin’s family hike in the Alps, we started practicing small-to-medium hikes with our kid and have found a mixed bag of jelly belly beans to be an excellent motivator. Plus, knowing some highlights of the trail and letting her spot then before we do. We’re getting there! (Slowly)
I feel this deeply. Hiking is one of my favorite activities and my kids, now both in elementary school, also seem to genuinely like it …*if/when* they aren’t focused on complaining. The trick to dialing down the complaints and getting them to focus on being in nature? Good old fashioned bribery! After years of whiny hikes, l realized it was worth it to me to offer a coveted incentive like fruit snacks or gummy bears or m&m’s. When they were younger, I would pick goal posts for us to get to and anyone who hadn’t complained (adults included!) got a reward. Now that they’re a bit older, they’re in charge of their own reward — they monitor their own trail behavior and get to decide when to eat a gummy. We still have hiccups but generally everyone is a happier hiker :)
The only reason hiking works for us any longer is that my husband now stocks up on penny candy that is doled out over the course of the hike. Works for our 8 year old.
This map needs an additional symbol, repeated at several points along the trail: “Bribe children with old Halloween candy.”
Works like a charm! We’re not big candy-eaters (or bribers) in our household but I’ve decided that it’s well worth making an exception to reduce whining on hikes.
When my now 31 yr old was a wee one, hikes in the woods took a very long time. Once she realized what Jacks-in-the-Pulpits were, she had to stop at each one to see if Jack was home. If he was home, and he invariably was, she’d gently lift up the “flap,” and quietly greet him, “Hi, Jack!”
This is adorable!
We hiked a LOT when I was a child- like backpacking type hikes. My sister and I had our own packs and we carried our sleeping bags, pads and clothes. I remember it being torture (heavy walking… all day? WTF!) but as an adult if someone offered to plan a trip for me and pack for me and lead me around outside while I ate peanut butter and GORP (gross old raisins and peanuts) I’d fall down dead of gratitude.
GORP! I haven’t heard this in AGES! My mom used to call any kind of trail mix this word and it always made me shudder. Now it’s a happy nostalgic memory! Such a hoot.
SO many things about childhood would make an amazing all-inclusive for burnt out adults – naps with stuffies, gluing sparkly things to paper, hot chocolate at the perfect temperature so you can drink it right away. Where can i book?
Yup, gets even harder with teenagers. Hubs and I started having hiking dates.
Oh, no! I smiled at the post thinking, ‘Thank goodness those days are behind us!’ and then your comment brought me back to reality. I will enjoy this mid-point reprieve and prepare for teenage hikes (or date hikes!)
Ditto that all, Celeste! It’s actually sort of hilarious the amount of pouting for the first half, then they try to leave us in the dust for the second half so that they can passive aggressively pout in the car. Hiking with friends is cool; hiking with parents, not so much. :D
Date hikes are amazing. Highly recommend. I love not carrying anyone else’s water bottle.
Yup, that about sums it up. We’ve had to call off even short hikes due to the kids saying that this is the worst thing that has ever happened to them and I am, by far, the meanest mother in the world.
hahahahaha this cracked me up!
We only have two ways of hiking, one in which I’m convinced I’ve failed at parenting and the other in which I feel like I’m killing it. Realizing as I type this that at some point I established some phony metric of the quality of my parenting based on how well my children do on nature outings. One time during the pandemic I took all three kids on a short, 2 mile loop described in the book as easy for toddlers, and it was such an epic disaster. Youngest were 5 at the time, but they both had potty accidents. The dog ran into the river and over to the other side and then wouldn’t cross back, so I had to leave my children on one side of the river while I waded over to the other to get the dog. Meanwhile my son got mad that I was taking too long so he took off on his own. My daughter chased after him. I figured, well, they’ll stay on the trail, we’ll find them… but then the next 10 people we passed were extremely concerned about the abandoned children and were they mine and then all the judgey looks. When we were all reunited my son and daughter got in a stick sword fight (as pictured above) and managed to hit an old man who passed us on the trail. And then they wanted to hit a tree with sticks and I thought, well, that seems ok, they’ll burn off steam and they’re little kids they can’t actually hurt that big tree, but then I got told off by some other hikers. NATURE!!!
Heather..omg hilarious!!
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