Four Fun Things

I know this is an old post but I thought I’d take a shot. If anyone in Northern New Jersey is looking for a friend I am available! It’s hard to make friends as an adult and would love to meet new people.

The friend date post is so timely! I moved to a new city and a new job in the midst of the pandemic, and when things began to open up this spring, I started asking people on “friend dates”–walks around local lakes, coffee on shop patios, perusing the farmer’s market. “Friend dating” has made the task of meeting new friends in a new city less intimidating…just like dating–some friend dates work and grow into something, and some don’t. But there doesn’t seem to be as much pressure! I always lead with a compliment and I am up front about asking the person on a “friend date,” and I haven’t been rejected yet! My far away friends and long-distance boyfriend now routinely check in on me and ask, “have you gone on any friend dates this week?” Could not recommend the practice enough!

These comments give me so much hope on finding friends as an adult. I have been so lonely lately and really craving some female connection. I’m in the Portland, Maine area if anyone is looking for a buddy. Walks, workouts, book clubby stuff, or just a glass of wine, I’m in!!

Wow the Rescue – I heard an interview on NPR with the filmmakers and I believe they had to sedate the kids to get them out. Such a powerful story of overcoming and our shared humanity. Like you, I’m afraid to watch it.

Inspired by how brave ya’ll are with “putting yourself out there”!

If anyone is in the Western Massachusetts area and would like to meet up for a hike/walk, bike ride, coffee/tea please let me know! After having my sweet baby girl during Covid it’s been so hard to meet new friends!

Hi everyone! I’m in Denver, CO and always up for meeting new people…I recently started indoor climbing and would love a climbing buddy!

Reading all the comments and love seeing the connections CoJ readers are making who reside in the same area!

Anyone living in Kansas City?

I’m excited to move there in a couple months and have zero friends. Would love to meet up with anyone who also enjoys: reading, hot yoga, walking/running, drinking tea…

I’ve started using the 4 fun things as a birthday card theme for friends, like “4 fun things about you this year.” Thanks for this format.

Also, I just wanted to add some fun things after a week in California! I loved Indian springs pool and Molina central (thank you for those recommendations). Four more:
1. Calistoga bike shop wine tour
2. Petaluma (overall) and the slush sampler at Wicked slush . Guava and coconut or sour mango + vanilla for the win.
3. Sf MoMA “Santa Barbara” exhibit. So many good exhibits right now. The Diego Rivera mural made me catch my breath. The border wall exhibit. Wow.
4. The documentary ” Rock and Roll President” about how rock stars and Willie Nelson helped jimmy carter get elected ( available on Delta flight entertainment)

Making friends as an adult is so tough! Anyone in Baltimore? I’ve lived here nearly 14 years and still finding it hard to find good female friends in mid/late 40s.

Making friends as an adult is challenging. My funniest experience is when someone returned a birthday card I sent her! It wasn’t due to religious beliefs as I had checked that out. We had coffee four times or so – animated, interesting conversations. We both had initiated going for coffee twice. She talked about her birthday. I sent a card. She returned the card saying “I don’t want to have to remember your birthday.” I said that was okay with her not tracking my birthday & that she could keep the card. She insisted I take the card back. I took the card. We didn’t have coffee again – ha!

My friend Pat made a new friend Leslie. Their dad /mom got together at assisted living! Over many Happy Hours they became friends, makes sense, right? So many of us “seniors” spent a day or two a week visiting our parents. 💟🎃

Hi- Anyone in the New York City area who is interested in meeting new friends?

I would love to make some friends. I found Covid threw a wrench into the friendships I had locally. Anyone here in Kingston, Ontario, Canada? I love being outdoors, reading, hikes, good chats.

Another vote to read All Thirteen! AMAZING book! So fascinating. And of course the recent corresponding Fresh Air episode 5091 Inside the Thailand Cave Rescue!

I dunno about some of you but I’ve been desperately scrolling through these comments looking for people who have mentioned they live in my area and wanna hang out. Okay, maybe “desperately” is a little intense but you know what I mean! Probably a bit of a stretch, but if anyone is in the Norfolk/Virginia Beach area of Virginia, give me a holler!

Here’s my vulnerable little shout to this lovely corner of the internet….

Brand new to the Bay Area after a cross country move. All my people are miles and time zones away. I’m back in an academic world now after working for a while, and so many of the people I’m meeting are in their early/mid 20s and in a slightly different stage of life (I’m in my early 30s/partnered).

COJers in the BAY…are you out there? What’s the best way to make friends here?

I’m at the opposite end of the friendship spectrum – trying to decide if I should end a 40 year friendship. Over the years we have agreed to disagree on many of the bigs ones: abortion, guns and how we raised our kids. I always appreciated her view on issues and felt I learned a lot from her. Yet, the mask mandate in our state has brought us to a point we can’t get past. I’m so sad and keep wondering how this happened. I’m doing a lot of soul searching today. By the way, we met in high school when our lockers were next to each other.

My bestie of ten years picked me up at a work event! She saw me from across the room and after a few minutes of talking, asked if I would like to join her for a “lady date.” We went to a Thai restaurant the next week, talked for hours, and the rest, as they say, is history! One of the best things to happen to me for so many reasons, including the fact that I ended up meeting my fiance at her wedding! :)

I <3 friend dates for both new and long term friends. I recently starting having a "do art" friend date where we pick a prompt out of a cup and sit on the couch next to each other and sketch.

I am so delighted by these wonderful stories of straightforward friend ask-outs! I live in the DC area and tried this a few times and failed pretty miserably. The worst was starting a new job and after a couple months, finding out that a woman that I thought I’d been clicking with was also an avid baker. She did me a big favor and I thanked her by baking something for her and leaving it on her desk. Instead of things being hunky-dory from there, this woman started a rumor in the office that I was into her. Not the way I wanted to start off at a company! This happened a couple other times but to a lesser degree — I put myself out there with cool new people and was met with awkwardness at the suggestion of meeting up later. Like others have said here, it’s their loss, but it feels more personal and leaves quite the sting.

Anyone in Brussels who wants to meet up for a friends’ date? It would be super cool to find a like minded person to hang out with.
I love window shopping, having a drink at a pub, watching classic movies and talking about all kinds of things :D

Ham and chips salad? No. Just no. I can already tell that The Rescue will make me feel extremely nervous and claustrophobic, but I’m still going to watch it. So there.

I love this!

I think making friends is easy but making good friends is hard.

How do people have time for all this new friend making!? I do feel somewhat isolated from the closeness I once had with my friends pre-kids/pre-pandemic, but between work, family obligations, spending time with my toddler, self-care whatever that is, and finding time for my marriage, struggling to keep up with and see the friends I have (while still being covid cautious and not really going out), and being an introvert, I really have nothing else to give. I think if someone new asked me on a friend date I’d decline, not necessarily bc I don’t like them, but because I don’t see how I could dedicate energy to starting new friendships.

I want to be friends with whatever previous COJ commenter recommended Naomi Novik’s “A Deadly Education.” Not a usual reader of fantasy, but I couldn’t put it (or its sequel) down. Whoever you are…you’ve made my reading afternoons much richer!

Any Torontonians up for a new friend? I like books, podcasts, workout classes, my pup Franklin, and the Cup of Jo community! :)

Making friends as an adult has been very easy for me (as a formerly shy person)!

What I’ve gained from this is that if I introduce myself to someone and they just do not seem into me, I just move on! It’s not personal, and if it is personal, then I don’t want to be their friend any way.

I’ve met neighbors, friends at the gym, at work, friends OF friends (who I contacted after a party) – and it’s so wonderful. It’s ok to be vulnerable!

I have definitely done this through my entire adult life and have THE BEST girlfriends because of it. I even invited myself over to someone’s house and cooked for them and now me and my husband are couple friends with both the husband and wife and have the epic times together.

I’m an introvert but need to have girlfriends. When someone sparkles to me, they’re definitely getting asked out!

When I moved to NYC a mutual friend set me up on a blind friend date and we hit it off, hung out a few more times, and then after a few more friend dates she introduced me to her other girlfriends. We are all still close, and I joke that it was just like the thrills you get from dating. I remember texting the person who set us up saying “she hugged me goodbye and… I think that means it went well!” lol

I moved to a different country a few years ago and have really struggled with making friends. For anyone in the same boat, search online to see if there is a “Girl Gone International (GGI)” chapter in your city. My local group is really well-run, with specific events and sub-groups (like a book club) to help connect members. I have found it so helpful and wish I had known about it sooner.

If you’re a Cup of Jo reader in Munich, I’d love to have a friend date with you!

I am 33, “recently” divorced, and recovering from some trauma abuse and the number one thing I am learning is that – we are all weird individuals. The best thing I have done for myself is to be unapologetically myself and what I like. I nerd out on tax policy. I am obsessive about college football. I talk to my cat because he is my “person.” I crochet. When I present my weird, awkward self exactly as I am, it gives the other person I am talking to permission and acceptance to be their own weird, awkward self. You like Dungeons and Dragons? Cool – I want to learn about it and hear you be passionate. You are 5 years old at heart and adore Disney? Let’s chat about our favorite characters!

I have made more friends in the last couple of months by just being me and reassuring myself that the person I am talking to and trying to make friends with is probably just as nervous and anxious and freaking out about if they are cool enough. It is very very hard to be vulnerable like that. I am someone who constantly wants to be accepted and liked and make a good impression. But if I can’t present who I am and be authentic, then how can I be an honest friend?

I am not emotionally capable of a romantic, intimate relationship at this time. But I am capable of a kind, caring, intimate friendship which is helping heal me. I love a good friend date!

I did the same thing at work! Then we went to the pub across from the office and when the conversation was flowing and our drinks were empty I totally did that hand motion to signal to our server that we’d have another round (without skipping a beat or asking consent!). After we settled (and had a wonderful friend date), my new friend stood up and said “I don’t drink really and that’s the first time I’ve ever had two drinks in my life”. I got my date tipsy! We’ve been fabulous friends ever since and she loves trying new drinks now, but I always help her navigate the menu since it’s still new to her.

About 12 years ago, a person with whom I’d worked (different departments) was leaving our organization. I caught up with her after a meeting and said “I like your style, and we seem to have a similar sense of humor. Want to go grab a coffee?” We’ve been friends ever since.

I know it might be tricky with COVID still lingering, but it would be great to have a Cup of Jo reader get together at some point! Maybe all on the same day in different locations throughout the country/world? Someone also commented wanting to start a Cup of Jo book club at some point and I just loved the idea.

I live in Brooklyn and have a close group of about four friends, but we’ve started drifting just being in different stages of life and I’ve found myself craving some new, fresh friendships!

You are not unbrave if you have claustrophobia. You have claustrophobia. That is all.