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By the wonderful Grace Farris.
P.S. Throw pillows I need and books as self-care.
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I am utterly obsessed with our family’s first baby and have been searching for a baseball cap that just says ‘aunt’ so people will ask me about my niece :) For now, I wear a necklace of two connected circles, one big and one small, that was a gift “from my newborn niece” last Christmas. The card said, “Aunty, this is you and me!” meaning our hearts are forever intertwined. I cried.
I wish these existed! I had THE BEST aunts growing up—they’re still some of my absolute favorite people in the world. Now I’m an “aunt” to my cousin’s kids and I love it. My aunts showed me that kids need adults of all kinds in their lives. I feel lucky that even though I don’t have kids, I get some special kids in my life.
That really sucks! I’m sorry. I am in the same boat with my sister and my 6-year-old who at first asked why we couldn’t see his aunt and now just gets it. It also automatically excludes us from any family get-togethers/holidays where she will be present because the risk is too great. It is a painful, tiring time.
My sister and I don’t always have the easiest relationship but love, love, love each other’s kids. I sent her this cartoon and she replied ‘we are totally this’ xx
I didn’t even know pillows for aunts were a thing. I’m loving it!
I think this kind of auntie is the childless kind. Or the her-kids-are-grown kind.
My brother’s wives had children when we did. Win: the cousins are a pack for life. Challenge: The aunts are as kidded-out as me, and make different enough parenting choices that we bump into those edges constantly when our families are together (no bedtime! grown up movies! shooting video games! sugar part of the routine! and my favorite, vaccines!). They are not that aunt, and neither am I.
They haven’t taken our kids solo, maybe adoration comes from that opportunity? Hmm maybe I need to grow a bit here.
Childfree, proud auntie to the sweetest nephew and niece here – I love this post!
IDK. The movie aunts who have no kids are awesome. But experience has taught me that aunts who have kids of their own and feel competitive with you and your kids can be destructive, manipulative, toxic and vile.
AND, I so appreciate this. I am childless, and I LOVE being an auntie. I am grateful to have the best niece and nephews (1 niece, 3 nephews) AND two great-nephews! They have filled my life with so much love and joy. It’s nice to see a post about aunties. :-)
As a proud Auntie, I LOVE this! Thank you!
Between my husband and I we have 3 siblings. They live in different cities from us so the distance can be challenging but apart from that none of them seem super interested in our kids. I often feel so bad that my kids don’t have this network of other adults who would love to hang out with them. I feel such a pang of jealousy when I hear aunts and uncles gush about their nieces and nephews. The grandparents in our lives and even great uncle are ALL IN, but the aunts and uncles just can’t get on board :(
I relate to this so much. I know my brothers love my children, but they’re not very good at calling, coming for visits, asking about my children, etc. My husband and I are SO invested in the relationships with our nieces and nephews. We have done A LOT to build those relationships — even during the times when we lived far from the rest of the family. We host sleepovers, FaceTime/call/text, go to their activities, take them on outings or camping trips or invite them along to our family vacations, get them carefully chosen and personal gifts for special occasions…and I wouldn’t change any of it because I genuinely love those little humans. But the double standard is really heartbreaking. A lot of it feels rooted in patriarchy, to be honest. There is this cultural space for ultra-invested aunties, and women are invited to celebrate their relationships and emotional connections with children, and I don’t see the same structural support or societal training for men. But it still really hurts to feel like my kids miss out on those other relationships. And my husband’s sisters would say they love our kids, but the reality is that they have never done anything to get to know our children or love on them outside of the standard family gatherings when they see them. They don’t come for visits, they don’t call, they don’t give any evidence that they care about them as people (or care about us as parents), and it sucks. Honestly, the best “aunts and uncles” my kids have are my best friends and their partners. I didn’t expect that, since I’d been a doting aunt for over a decade before becoming a mom, but that’s how it’s turned out.
The first baby born to one of my siblings was born at this time of year. I always get emotional seeing the falling leaves and remembering that incredibly exciting day that kicked off my career as a proud aunt. I have keepsakes from all of them pasted in my diaries over the years – they all have a big piece of my heart and always will.
My sister is the coolest aunt out there. I’m so lucky to be her sister, and my kids…beyond lucky. Hooray for all the awesome aunts! And hooray for Grace Farris. She’s a real gem.
Aunties are THE BEST. Moms only with more focused attention. The energy of that love is truly magic. My boys have missed their aunties so much through the pandemic and I’ve missed that joy for them. I do my best but you know at the back of my mind I’m thinking about dinner time or if they need to brush their teeth. Which is good and important but it’s not the same. All the love to the aunts (and all the honorary aunts of every age and degree of relationship) out there. xox
I was just thinking about how one of the reasons aunts are the best is they gush about your kids as much as you want to but don’t because you don’t want to be annoying. In my weekly zoom call with my sisters we probably spend on average about 10 minutes each week discussing how cute my newest baby is, and it is the perfect indulgence. They’re the best!
Yes! I LOVE being an auntie to my (most adorable ever) niece and nephew!
Cheers to all aunties out there!
I’m a proud one, too!
Very cute, but painful for me. My sister-in-law lives very close to us and would be a great auntie if she wanted to be. She’s not vaccinated, and ever since our now-10-month-old was tiny, we’ve asked her to wear a mask around our daughter. She’s “not going to put on a mask JUST to hold the baby” [insert snark face]. So we’ve had no choice but to keep the baby a good distance away from her, especially indoors, and then she gets offended and accuses us of treating her like she’s “a diseased rat.” We’ve had so many long conversations with her about the priorities she’s placing over having any relationship at all with her only niece, and she just won’t budge and thinks we’re being unreasonable. It’s getting to the point that family dinners are uncomfortable and my mother-in-law is nearly in tears. I wish with my whole heart that she was a proud aunt.
That sounds so hard. I’m sorry; sending love.
That really sucks. Many families are having to be insanely strong right now to stay together, mine included. My parents feel like they’ve been “kept away” from their grandkids, but guys, you’re keeping YOURSELVES away because you can’t respect boundaries. It’s really hard, but you’re doing what’s best for your baby.
I became an aunt for the tenth time this week! My newest niece Emmalyn was born Wednesday. ❤️ ❤️ ❤️
congratulations ashley! and welcome to the world, baby Emmalyn!
I am such a proud auntie that I’ve been added to the parents group chat at work, and I don’t have any kids of my own! I just made my niece’s birthday cake for the second year running – we went from a lolly filled rainbow cake for her seventh birthday to a skull cake with blood accents.
But seriously, my seven-year-old niece played Weezer’s “Undone (The Sweater Song”) for us on her ukulele last month. I want to doodle her name on my sneakers.
My chosen auntie avatar is ‘haunted bookmobile’: I only and always gift my sisters’ kids skeleton sweats and new bedtime reads. So far so good for spooky Aunt Lau.
“I want to doodle her name on my sneakers.” <3
I need a pillow that says “My niece looks just like my sister! I can’t get over it!” Yes, this situation has been underway for years, yet somehow the novelty has not worn off because at each successive age, my niece looks like her mom did at the same age. Genetics is crazy, you guys.
i discovered grace farris through cup of jo, and have SO enjoyed her posts on instagram (and here!). this was a great reminder that i wanted to pre-order her book, which she just announced is coming out next spring! which i just did :)
I just found out that Grace Farris is going to be a guest on the next week’s episode of a podcast I love, “Gee Thanks, Just Bought It”, and it was like worlds (podcast, CofJ) colliding!
I have a neph-kitty. My sister even staged some classic newborn photos with him, such as holding him in the air looking at him adoringly and sent them to our mom lol. She’s a legend.
THAT is hysterical! I love it! Thanks for sharing that, Kari and I sure wish I’d have been that clever years ago :) Enjoy your neph-kitty. haha
My husband and I bought our nieces and nephews ice cream last weekend and it was so sweet to be reminded that a little ice cream is basically all it takes to make you the best ever in their eyes!!
I love this!! Does this mean this is an appropriate place to leave auntie brags? I babysat my tiny niece and nephew once a week for a couple of years. One Thanksgiving, my toddler niece yelled out “all the kids are going to the playroom. No grownups allowed!” With her hands on her hips, she threw her head back towards me and in her tiny bossy angel voice said “did you hear me Aunt Cait?Come on!” You guys, she thought I was one of the kids😭 my heart is bursting remembering this.
You sound like a wonderful aunt, and that is so cute!!
Ohmigod, I love your bossy angel niece!
This reminds me of when my niece asked me who the mom of my house was 😂. I took it as an extreme compliment!
Hahhaha I once asked my nephew “Am I a grown up, or a child like you?” and he looked at me strangely and went “A child. OBVIOUSLY.” and insisted I follow him down the slide. Hero!
Recently, I visited my nephew at college, where he’s a freshman. When we were at the campus bookstore, I was thrilled to see that among the items marked Mom and Dad, there were some that said Aunt. I immediately snagged a tee, and told my nephew that I was so happy and surprised because I didn’t expect them to have anything that said Aunt. When he asked why, my in-the-moment hypothesis was that for a long time, society has viewed a woman’s highest role as that of a mother, and there’s been much less emphasis placed on the role of being an aunt. While I know that’s an idea that’s been changing, it’s so refreshing to see something that celebrates aunts. So thank you for that, Grace.
pamper all the aunties….they give/do/love so much…🥰
hi COJ team!
a question about the new website design: is it possible to see who wrote the posts even after they stop being the “lead” one? i can’t seem to find that info and it’s an info i always like to have :)
thanks!
Hi Joana, for me it shows up in the top right corner of the screen, under the line dividing the top menu from the post. I hope that helps :)
hi alex!
yes, it does!!! thank you so much. i hadn’t seen it there… :)
I started laughing when I saw this. Small plastic ball pit? Check. Talk about my nephews and goddaughter all the time? Check. Cookies, cake, ice cream? Check, check, check! I am very proud auntie! (There should be a dance party pillow and one for all the cartoons you want)
“i own a small plastic ball pit”, lol… We are developing “the nephews’ box” for when they come over to our less than 100% child friendly home, lol! Trash trucks and kazoos!
I love this!
My husband and I have been trying for a baby for over three years – one thing that has been keeping us afloat is the joy we have in being auntie and uncle to our wonderful nieces (and soon to be here nephew)! Even if we end up never being able to have our own children, I’m so thankful to have these littles in our lives. We literally spent hours with them this summer in their (tiny!) plastic ball pit haha. Thank you for this!
Hi Meg! My husband and I tried for a baby for over 3 years as well, and we quit when our 6th and final embryo transfer failed. Our nieces and nephews have completely saved us. They bring us so much joy – the warm and fuzzy parts of parenting, plus a little extra spoiling, minus the stress. I just wanted you to know that no matter which road life ends up taking you down, there is light at the end of every tunnel. Good luck <3
XO, your name twin Meg
LOVE!!!
So that’s basically about me, I guess!
(I will be sending to my sister, aka nephew’s mom, so she can make me a set!)
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