Design

Have a Relaxing Weekend.

What are you up to this weekend? The boys and I are walking to Red Hook, a neighborhood near us, to get key lime pie. It’s a nice walk with a very nice treat at the end! Also, I LOVED your comments on this post (and I love you). Have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

The best cure for a pimple.

A mental health reminder.

What an amazing essay about growing up as the child of undocumented immigrants. “Our parents have kids for the same reasons as most people, but their sacrifice for us is impossible to articulate, and its weight is felt deep down, in the body. That is the pact between immigrants and their children in America: they give us a better life, and we spend the rest of that life figuring out how much of our flesh will pay off the debt.” (The New Yorker)

I’ve been devouring this hilarious book about a woman and her dog.

Beautiful mirror rooms.

Digging the New York Times column The Hunt. Which would you pick???

The perfect headline. (New York Magazine)

These are on my birthday wishlist.

Yummmmm, parmesan oven risotto.

A houseboat in NYC.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Grace on what do you like about yourself: “I’m so good at doing nothing and relaxing. Yes, my husband calls me lazy sometimes but damn I create an incredible day on the couch: catching up on my fave podcasts, watching trash TV, browsing ThreadUp, spooning my dog and drinking warm beverages. When it’s time to put on your jammies is when I really thrive.”

Says Kelly on what do you like about yourself: “I like that I’m really good at styling my hair. Like big braids, awesome waves, cute ponytails, all of it. Unfortunately, I am about to start chemo (at age 33) and will be losing it. While it feels like I’m losing a huge part of me, this makes me think that I’ll have to just find something else I’m good at, too.”

(Photo by Grace Blumberg/Instagram.)

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  1. Don’t know if this message will be seen but if you have any contact information for Kelly, with her permission I would love to send her some earrings. Maybe beautiful earrings could become one of her new things :)

  2. Jem says...

    I loved the New Yorker article. We are not undocumented but the experience of being the shield and translator for our immigrant parents rings so true. I was an avid reader from a very young age simply because my mother couldn’t read English – I was reading for her.
    And there is always guilt. Immigrant parents sacrifice so much for their kids. Our experience was tempered by the refugee experience: the journey to (quite literally) escape a country at war, the years of uncertainty and fear in a refugee camp, the poverty and manual labour in our new country. This history forever hangs over us, no matter our success, always adding guilt to our failures. It is easy to feel resentful of the pressure to succeed.

    • celeste says...

      Me too. My husband and I were just talking about this over the weekend so it’s interesting to hear a firsthand account.

  3. Agnès says...

    My dream is to have just the same 2cv (the blue car) on the photo; it’s a happy car. In France, if you’re in a 2cv, people will wave and blow the horn and let you go; it is such a symbol for happiness and simple life. I think after covid I’m going to get one. All the things we will do!

    • Claire says...

      well now I want one too!

    • SK says...

      Our family yells “ice cream” every time we see a “deux chevaux” and, of course, we then have ice cream! Truly a happy car!

  4. Maggie says...

    First I wanted to thank you for all of the amazing content you provide!  I truly believe that reading your words and the words of your staff/writers and readers has made me a more compassionate and empathetic person as well as a much better boy mom than I ever could have imagined.  I will forever be grateful for all that you do.
    My nephew recently lost his great grandmother and his beloved dog (that my sister got before he was born) in the span of an already very tough week, and I wanted to see how I could help.  I’m sure I’ve seen recommendations on books to help children grieve here before, but I couldn’t find any using the search feature.  Are you familiar with any that would be age-appropriate for an 11/12 year old?  Or are any of your amazing readers? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

    • Caitlin says...

      I actually just saw this on NYT about films to help kids develop coping skills to deal with grief – and at the end it links to a few additional related articles kids and grief/loss. Not sure about books but I am sure there are tons out there. https://www.nytimes.com/2020/12/12/at-home/grief-films-for-children.html

    • This is a picture book, so a bit young for your nephew but maybe not? I read to my little cousin last summer and sobbed, it was so beautiful and touching. I need a copy to have at my house just because and I don’t even have kids: Badger’s Parting Gifts by Susan Varley

    • Maggie says...

      Thank you so much, Caitlin and Laura! I really appreciate it and hope these help to bring comfort to my nephew.

  5. Heather says...

    The New Yorker piece was amazing – I pulled it up to read while brushing my teeth and just stood in the bathroom to finish it before I quoted passages to my husband. What a writer and what a worthy topic – so insightful!

  6. Nicole says...

    Per Kelly’s quote, I wish I had that skill! I can only do a simple braid. Can’t seem to master the French braid!

  7. Maywyn says...

    Hunt, love that feature.
    I’d choose a house in New Jersey, just to feel sane again. Not far from the Palisades so I can look across the Hudson to make sure Manhattan is ok.

  8. bethany says...

    Sending love to Kelly as she starts chemo. My mom went through chemo 25 years ago. When it grew back, her formerly straight hair was curly! She was so excited to play with a new texture and enjoy the volume that came with it.

  9. SK says...

    Oh my … the tears make it somewhat difficult to type, but … oh my. What a wonderful place this is – where one person’s burden (whatever it may be) is lightened by the many hands that, unasked, stretch out to share it – hands you didn’t even know were there. Much love to everyone in CofJ land.

  10. I loved that New Yorker piece too. I shared it with my writing academy students this week. Such a gorgeous piece of writing. I’m so excited to find your blog. Michael Thompson mentioned you in his latest article on Medium. I’m glad I checked it out! Bookmarking as a new favorite.

    • Lauren says...

      Kelly, you are in for quite the treat reading through all the posts. Welcome & enjoy!

  11. Beth says...

    Kelly, I had my final round of 16 chemo treatments today! I was diagnosed with breast cancer this past fall at 31 and am now 32. I was so scared of losing my hair (it was the feature I loved most about myself) and tried cold capping to try to save it. Unfortunately cold capping didn’t work for me (my chemo type was particularly harsh on hair – some people are able to save all their hair!), but, at no point was I ever fully bald and I believe it has helped my regrowth come in faster. By the time I had major hair loss happening, I already had little stubbly regrowth coming in, about 8 weeks ago. Now I have about 3/4 of an inch and it looks intentional. Whenever my dad and I FaceTime he says I look “beautiful, like Sinead O’Connor” lol! There are options out there for charities that will help you pay for it if it’s out of budget. Also, my favorite head covering/wig for work Zoom calls, where I don’t want my short hair to be the focus just yet, is a baseball cap with hair attached to the sides. It looks really natural (when I first met with my plastic surgeon, he thought it was my real hair and that I was the most successful cold capper he’d ever met, ha!) and is also very comfortable, not hot or itchy. And way cheaper than a wig! I hope this is not obnoxious unsolicited advice (which I know there can be so much of when you’re starting chemo treatments) and just hoped to give some info in case it could be helpful to you. My heart is with you as you start chemo – it is most daunting at the beginning. You can do this!!

  12. Adel says...

    The article on Michele Obama’s outfit was great, and I LOVED her look. But really- must we be so snide regarding Trump fashion? You don’t like them, fine. Quite entitled. But c’mon, that comment was not necessary. And frankly, had it been in the reverse, the author would’ve been called out for racism, and rightfully so. Let’s not sink to making fun of how the people we disagree with look. I know that CoJ staff takes respecting all people seriously; perhaps you can be more judicious in your linked articles to reflect that?

    • Kay says...

      When the whole scandal broke out about Obama wearing a tan suit, no one was called out for being racist. When Rush Limbaugh called out Michelle Obama for being fat, unattractive and looking like an Ethiopian if she was on the diet she was suggesting, no one called him out on racism. He was awarded the Presidential Medal of Freedom instead. The article called his tie ketchup colored. Rightfully so, the article hinted at Melania’s horrible choice of outerwear. Hardly can be considered “making fun of”.

    • Adel says...

      @ Kay I am speechless. Are you saying that if someone says something not nice, and that gives you liberty to be mean back? And to say- well, they dug deeper so this is definitely ok. I try my best- and train my children to do the same- to take the high road and be the kind, moral person regardless of how low others may stoop. I’m sad for you that you can justify something like this. I sincerely hope that others here don’t see the world the same way.

    • Kay says...

      Not sure where my response and your reply went- I’m pretty sure Joanna didn’t delete it, maybe just a tech error. But yes, be speechless. It’s a good thing to do right now so one can listen to what BIPOC people are saying. You questioned if someone says something not nice, does that give you the liberty to be mean back? BIPOC people are always expected to take the high road, to be kind in the face of mockery, cruelty and racism because that is always how it has been in this country, in this world. It’s a “know your place” mindset that is projected on us. You can be sad for me, that’s your problem. You can teach your kids to take the high road. I’m going to teach my little brown kids to not take shit from anyone because of what they look like, what color they are, who they pray to etc. If calling someone’s tie ketchup colored and someone’s choice of jacket “mystifying” is mean in your opinion, then you don’t want to even know what BIPOC get called on a daily basis. We’re done taking the high road, a road that we can’t jog on, park our cars on, stand on, and just a few years ago., couldn’t walk on when white people couldn’t walk on without being shot.

    • Kay says...

      *when white people walked on it, without being shot.”

    • El says...

      Lol well yes, that’s kind of a leap, but okay: If the situation was reversed, that would look like an article covering a hypothetical situation in which Melania Trump and Mike Pence (first lady/VP) opted to only wear clothing made by white designers. In that case, yes, we might remark upon the fact that the Trump administration, which has featured out-and-proud white supremacists in senior roles since day 1, was also using fashion choices to promote white supremacy.
      If that sounds ridiculous, it’s because the “both sides” treatment doesn’t really work when one of the “sides” is anti-democratic and virulently racist.

  13. Mariana says...

    Big hug to Kelly!

  14. I loved the serious message from a comedy writer. I’m going to take her seriously! Hahaha.

  15. DebPS says...

    Hello! I was just reading your Friday post with my son, and thought I’d share your place in our household…
    I’ve been a fan of your blog since the beginning — Cookie magazine was a beloved part of my early mom life (honestly, the community I found there sustained me all through working mom toddler land). The toddler in question regularly sat reading by my side, and as he and your blog grew, your Friday posts became his favourites. He (we) love the jolly list that heralds the weekend :) And the name my now teenage son gave you/your blog when he was wee has stuck… so when he walked in this morning and peered over my shoulder, he said what he always says: “Ooooh… what does Cuppy Jo say today?”

    So happy weekend Cuppy Jo :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh so so sweet! that makes me so happy. thank you, deb. xoxoxo

    • Julie says...

      This is SO cute and made me grin. Thanks for sharing!

  16. I love NYT’s The Hunt so much I emailed Joyce Cohen to tell her!

  17. Stephanie says...

    Hi Kelly, I just had my last does of chemo yesterday afternoon and I’m bald as an egg. Hair was halfway down my back before. I chopped it short (unexpectedly ADORABLE) before it started thinning and then buzzed it as soon as hair started landing in my food. It was very hard for a VERY short time. Now I’m excited for it to grow out and see how it looks at every different length. I’ve been a long-hair person for so, so long that this is forcing me to experiment. I’m hoping you have as much fun playing with your post-chemo hair as you were having before. Hang in there sister.

  18. Jane says...

    Kelly, I went through chemo, surgery, and radiation last year. Do what you need/want to do to make yourself feel good. Some days will be easier than the others, some days will be harder than the others. Find yourself a good support group in real life and online. There are a lot of us, we’ll be here if you need someone. Sending you good thoughts, and much love.

  19. K says...

    hugs to Kelly <3

  20. Tracey says...

    My beloved Aunty died this week. I’ve been asked to do a reading at her funeral, I was thinking there would be something in the Kate Baer book but it’s unavailable in my state (in Aus). Does anyone have anything kind of literary and beautiful? Nothing too saccharine. Extra points for themes of resilience, acceptance, legacy. Thank you!!

    • Amy says...

      Tracy – I am so sorry for your loss. I’d be happy to ship you my copy if it will arrive in time! (I’m in Seattle on the west coast so maybe since there’s just ocean in between..? DM me – amyvdzd at gmail dot com) My grandfather passed away this year and his favorite poet was Hafiz. I think you might be able to find something good in there. His (and so my) favorite was The Sun Never Says.

    • Rachel says...

      Kate cites Mary Oliver as one of her inspirations so you could look at her work – she writes about life and death so beautifully.

    • Hi Tracey. Someone contacted me and sent me here. I am happy to send you a book even if you don’t use it for your dear Aunty’s funeral. Email me! kate@katebaer.com

    • Tracey says...

      Omgosh. All you people are so beautiful. I will read all of these and cherish that you took the time to reply. Amy unfortunately I’m in WA, as in Western Australia and the book is not yet released here. Thanks so much for your generosity though. Xx

    • jane says...

      I used this quote on the funeral programs for my father and still love it:

      When your meditation has brought you a light that shines in every night, even death is not a death is but a door to the divine. With the light in your heart, death itself is transformed into a door, and you enter into the universal spirit; you become one with the ocean. Now is always the time, and the fruit is always ripe. You just need to gather the courage to enter into your inner forest. The fruit is always ripe and the time is always the right time. There is no such thing as wrong time. — OSHO

    • Claire says...

      Condolences on the loss of your Aunty, Tracey. I submit this gentle farewell poem, Blessing the Boats, by Lucille Clifton.

      blessing the boats
      BY LUCILLE CLIFTON
      (at St. Mary’s)

      may the tide
      that is entering even now
      the lip of our understanding
      carry you out
      beyond the face of fear
      may you kiss
      the wind then turn from it
      certain that it will
      love your back may you
      open your eyes to water
      water waving forever
      and may you in your innocence
      sail through this to that

    • India Noble says...

      Not sure what state you’re in but I live in SA and managed to get a copy online (despite my local book store trying to tell me it hadn’t been published). I got mine from Booktopia. It might not arrive before in time for the funeral but I’d say it would be worth getting anyway

  21. I used to exclusively wear plaid flannel pajamas – my Grandfather’s, after he died. I wore his pajamas until they weren’t wearable. I still have a few bits of them, use them as rags and I have some breakable stuff wrapped up in them, too.

    • Abby says...

      Thinking of and being inspired by you Kelly

    • Rachel, I have my grandfather’s plaid flannel pajamas too and still wear them sometimes. I was actually thinking of modifying the waistband to a drawstring waistband so they’d be more comfy and I’d wear them more regularly. When they wear out someday, I’ll keep the bits too and use them fir something else. I think it’s great you so thoroughly enjoyed wearing them.

  22. Courtney says...

    Sending love to you, Kelly!

  23. Erin says...

    Best of luck Kelly! A stranger here on the internet is rooting for you!

    Also, I had cancer 10 years ago, when I was 26. I found a wonderful wig shop that specialized in cancer patients ( and was covered by insurance). The ladies there were marvelous and helped me buy 4 wigs! I got all the hair styles I wished I could have: a curly blonde lob, long and auburn with bangs, a super edgy black bob and my party wig— pink and sparkly. It was great to get up every day and match my mood to my hair!

    Hopefully you find your equivalent to a party wig to get you through!

  24. Favi says...

    The New Yorker piece is amazing and reflective of my experience with immigrants parents. My mom and dad worked cutting pieces of rubber for planes by hand . Making their hands rough and callus. I dreamed of the day, as a child, that I could take away the burden of physical work to make sure their hands would soften. I often think about how both my parents worked and sacrificed so that my hands would never reflect the pain of physical work.

  25. Emma says...

    “Oh My God, Michelle Obama” is right. I have thought about her and that look at least once an hour since the inauguration. I’m not even particularly interested in fashion. She is just … magnificent.

  26. Lindsay says...

    I recommend the chocolate covered key lime pie from Steve’s!!!

  27. Elizabeth says...

    I look forward all week to The Hunt. I love it when I’m right but there’s always a back story we don’t know about, or at least we non-New Yorkers. It’s always on Thursdays, folks, and the other great NYT offering on Thursdays is Social Qs.

    Wednesday is a big day with the food section and the real estate feature: “What you get for $xxxxxx” featuring properties for sale in 3 different cities.

    • I love NYT’s real estate section. Give me houses, houses and more houses!

  28. Kelly – Sending love to you for your chemo treatment. I just finished treatment for breast cancer at age 30 and just so happen to also be named Kelly ;) While the hair loss is very difficult, you will get through it! And a reminder if you need it — your hair is not what makes you beautiful, who you are makes you beautiful! If you are in need of some solidarity, I started a blog for young cancer survivors (mayleavestars.com).

  29. Jill says...

    Kelly, you could be my daughter. So consider me a virtual Mom who is giving you hundreds of hugs from this moment on. Literally hundreds. And if you were my daughter I would tell you that I love you, and you mean more to me than hair.
    ALL my best to you. <3

    • A says...

      Comments like these make me so grateful to be a part of the Cup of Jo community <3

  30. Deanna says...

    Kelly – I did chemo when I was 25 (I’m 31 now) and understand how you feel. My best piece of advice is a) ignore everyone who says “It grows back” (like….okay, thanks), and b) figure out what you really like to wear on your head. I dropped a ton of money on a wig and ended up very attached to this one super-soft beanie, which I wore everywhere. Maybe you want a scarf, or a wig, or a hat, or none of it—go with what makes you comfortable! Good luck!

    • K says...

      Good advice, Deanna! Wigs can be really expensive, and my aunts found them to be hot and itchy, and only seldom wore them. Wishing you the best, Kelly!

  31. Ash says...

    * there’s a difference between a house boat and floating home. The article is a floating home. House boats are boats :).

    • Isabelle says...

      Best luck to you Kelly, sending ♥️

  32. Amy says...

    Another great week of posts. Kelly, I think that you could consider writing and optimism as another one of your strengths and things to love about you. Good luck with your chemo. Keep us posted, if you would like. xxx

  33. Marie says...

    Kelly, So sorry that you have to go through chemo. I have always envied the girls who were good at doing hair. I have a feeling that someone with your talent will find amazing new ways to adorn themselves. I once watched a video of a young lady that had lost her hair due to chemo do amazing things with head scarves…..so many different and chic ways to wear them. I also wonder if you might enjoy dipping your toe into making earrings. Even I have made a few pairs, so it’s not that hard!

  34. mdeck says...

    Best of luck Kelly!

  35. Anna says...

    Hi Jo – because NY Mag/The Cut have an article limit for non-subscribers, would you mind indicating when you link to them? Thanks so much!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      yes! I’ll add right now. thank you!

  36. Priscilla says...

    Kelly-💓

  37. Tania says...

    I know that key lime place in Red Hook! It’s so good. Also: “Stay alive” is the resolution we all need for 2021. Perfect.

  38. Anna Garza says...

    “Have a relaxing weekend.” Oh it must be Friday.
    My quarantine humor. The truth is I don’t always know the day of the week any longer. Thanks for the reminder.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahaha, all the days blur together, that’s for sure!

  39. Charlotte K says...

    My sister and I wore our Black Watch matching LL Bean pajamas on our Christmas Day Zoom to open presents together. She’s 65, I’m 63. It was fun! it was her first ever Xmas alone as her son had left the day before for his 2 year teaching gig in Japan. I suggested we should wear matching jammies like we did when we were kids for our Zoom. Fun to see those PJs featured here, but surprised that Nordstrom is selling LLB product!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that is so cute!!!!

    • K Lee says...

      dang, this makes me wish I had a sister

    • SB says...

      another awesome thing about LLB pjs you ask?? they have matching adult and kiddo ones! and yes – I got my nephew (6) and I (32) matching ones and he thought it was the COOLEST THING to be twins with his Auntie (I was pretty chuffed myself, too :D)

      here’s to meaningful matching pj mornings :) xx

  40. Yes to that NY Times column! I once spend a whole afternoon (while I should have been studying) choosing houses that I would never be able to afford on The Hunt, haha.

    Thanks for another great week of posts!

  41. Caro says...

    Mmmmmm…..toaster strudels

  42. smk says...

    I would not recommend those LL Bean pjs. I have them and the pants are insanely HUGE.

    • Charlotte K says...

      For me that is a feature not a bug! ;-)

    • Ellen says...

      I bought these for myself for the holiday season, and it’s true that the pants are surprisingly big (relative to size), haha. For me, the top fits well though (loose but not swimming in it) so that if I sized down, the top would probably feel too tight. I figured better to have comfy PJs that are on the larger side than to be annoyed that one part is too tight… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

    • Katie says...

      They do run large, but I have two pairs and love them so much. I often take the pants off and sleep in just the top, or else I feel like I get a bit tangled! They’re great for lounging around the house though and are my favorite go-to jammies – just be aware they run large. I also love love love LLBean’s shearling slippers. I spend the better part of my weekends wearing both!

  43. Katie says...

    Omg. I’m literally wearing those black watch flannel pajamas RIGHT NOW! Highly recommend!!!

  44. Agnès says...

    Have a nice week-end, american friends, you have that fantastic poem to handwrite, embroider, paint, chew, sing, memorize, The hill we climb, what a gift to the world !

    • SK says...

      Agnès, I look for your comments and want to thank you. They always make me smile and feel connected to a fellow European as I live in my adopted little country right next to yours. xo

    • Julie says...

      I always look forward to your comments, Agnès — you seem to have a very generous, spirited voice. Brightens my days, just so you know!

    • MH says...

      Me three, Agnès! I always enjoy your observations and voice. All best wishes (to everyone!).

    • Agnès says...

      Oh my gosh. I came here to read the week-end comments after an exhausting and not great day , started to cry with all the comments for Kelly, then couldn t believe kate baer left a comment to offer a book and then i started to hear all the comments with voices in my head and now these so completely unexpected comments for me. After covid we must all meet up because this community is real. Sending a big (teary) hug.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Yes to in real life meetings! Would be a dream. xoxoxoxo

  45. Eloise says...

    I get so excited whenever I realize it is Thursday (which sometimes isn’t till Friday) and there is a new The Hunt!

  46. Cecile says...

    Another wonderful book about a woman and her dog is The Friend by Sigrid Nunez.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you!

    • Julie says...

      Oh, I loved The Friend. Excellent recommendation!

  47. cedar says...

    Speaking of skin blemishes, I’ve had success with virtually unavoidable maskne (hyper hygienic skincare and mask routine, yet still??) by applying a dot of bacitracin on each spot before bed and again in the morning. Obviously, no make-up under a mask. Skin is usually clear again in one day.

  48. KGB says...

    Kelly, your optimism is inspiring. Sending you a virtual hug— you seem wonderful and I’m sorry you have to face cancer, especially so young.

  49. Molly Shea says...

    I”m quarantined this weekend. I will be having a procedure next week. I hope you enjoy your walk and pie.

    • SG says...

      Hi Molly,
      Sending love and light your way. We are all under so much strain and stress, please don’t begrudge others who may be “appear” to be living uncomplicated lives compared to your own- yet no one knows what others are really going through, do they? (I’m a therapist, so I actually do have an inkling of what goes on under the surface of everyday smiles). COJ is simply trying to be a brighter corner of the internet for everyone- yourself included. I hope your procedure goes well and that you test negative after quarantine. *Hugs*

  50. Megan McC says...

    If you are not following Shantira Jackson (from the Amber Ruffin Show) on Twitter and listening to her on Busy Philipps is Doing Her Best, you are missing out! She is thoughtful, insightful, hilarious and her laugh brings me the MOST joy.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you!

  51. calix says...

    The comments for that self-love post were amazing. Also The Hunt is hugely addictive for me and I do not live in NYC , haha, or even want to to be honest. It’s just a fascinating and well-done series that people in any town can relate to.

  52. MK says...

    Joanna, I spend my whole week looking forward to your Friday link lists. I laugh, I tear up, I gawk – I might also have to be talked down from an impulse purchase. I mean, how did I get to 25 without a set of flannel pajamas in my life? Is it even allowed? They are a wonderful signpost in this hazy quarantine life to remind me I got through another week.