Relationships

Together or Apart? When You’re Newly Dating During Quarantine

Dating illustration by Alessandra Olanow

Imagine this: You’re newly dating someone — going out to dinners, flirting over text, wondering if it’s too early to get them a birthday present — when, all of a sudden, the world goes into quarantine. The begged question is extreme: Are you going to be totally apart or never leave each other? (It feels like a Bachelor moment.) What are couples deciding? We talked to four about how it went down…

Amaiha (and Lee)
Dating for six months
Decided not to quarantine together

We’re both single parents, and, before the quarantine, we had just introduced the kids. Now, it was like, what do we do? We’re not at a point yet where we should really cohabitate. The kids are 10 years apart, so I just thought it would be a lot.

Being apart sucks because you want to keep the momentum going. We’ve completely fooled around virtually — and it’s kind of fun. I also happen to be a very corny person, so I’ll make art or send Spotify playlists. Who doesn’t want a love note? Who doesn’t want a song? Who doesn’t want someone to send them a photo of the moon with a note that says, ‘look up’?

This situation has rapidly intensified the ‘I love you’s — when you’re vulnerable, you want someone to care for you and hold your hand, even if you can’t really hold it.

Ryan (and Anna)
Dating for three months
Decided to quarantine together

We’ve been holed up in my apartment. We call it ‘HQ1,’ and her apt is ‘HQ2.’ It’s been like playing house, which is actually a pretty common feature of any new relationship — this period where you nest and lie in bed all day and read together and watch movies together. But now we’re forced into that. I think we’d be doing it anyway but it’s tricky to know, and we both talked about it — are we playing a role here, are we really doing this? What’s going on? And I can’t really say. But it’s been fun. I can be lackadaisical and she Cloroxes the shit out of everything.

For the first few months of dating, we saw each other once a week; now we’re seeing each other every day. It feels like we’ve reached a comfort level you’d usually only reach after a year. She’ll walk around and say, I can’t believe we’re already peeing with the door open!

Alison (and Michael)
Dating for a month
Decided not to quarantine together

I’m social distancing, working from home, going on walks six feet away from people; but his business is still open so he’s not quarantining. So, we can’t see each other. It’s been a lot of FaceTime and texting throughout the day. How many weeks will this be? Will there be months of not seeing each other?

When you’re in a new relationship, you’re usually carefully choosing your words and telling funny childhood stories. Now we get a dose of the mundane mixed with the wild. We’ll have the phone on and talk for an hour and one of us is opening mail. There’s not a purpose other than to spend time together. Then we’ll have deep conversations — like, what are we going to do after all this? — that are usually taboo early in dating. It’s like Love Is Blind. We’re dating in the pods!

Katie (and Sam)
Dating for four months
Decided to quarantine together

We’re staying at his place. At first, we were eating dinner in bed, watching TV in bed… and then you think, oh my gosh, what did I do with my day? So, we developed a routine. We get up at 8 a.m., make coffee, go for a walk, start work, etc. We’ve also gotten into tackling recipes, like pasta carbonara and rosemary pork chops.

It’s weird to think we’ll be living together for the next few weeks, when before we saw each other only on the weekends. But it’s like, pandemic, bring it on. Let’s see what it has to teach us.

Thoughts? Are you newly dating someone? What did you decide to do? It’s such a once-in-a-lifetime situation!

P.S. My sister’s awesome dating tip, and 14 great reader comments on dating.

(Illustration by Alessandra Olanow.)

  1. Megan says...

    I have been hanging out with this guy for two months. We were very casual friends before and didn’t hang out much. I wasn’t expecting or trying for our friendship to increase to something more, but it did. We have been out together multiple times, he’s met some of my friends, he’s asked em to tag along for guy’s night so I could meet his friends, and we’ve had multiple pool days just to hang out together. He talks about things he’s “needs” to cook for me for things we need to do “together.” HE has been the one to ask me about my thoughts on having children & life goals. He ended up getting a promotion and has to move in about two months. He has asked about my past relationships & made a point to ask about my thoughts on long distance relationships. Even with his new place, he talks to me about what it looks like and says that I’ll have to come and visit. He went back home last minute for an event and invited me to hop in and come along with him. He was going to wait until I got off work ,but I couldn’t make it work within a few hours notice. He told me that we would plan another weekend to go back to his hometown together. He went back home for the weekend and I didn’t hear a single thing from him & still haven’t in almost 4 days. Two weeks ago he told me he was “smitten” with me and even sent a song that reminded him of me. He also opened up about his past relationships & how he’s been single for a while and never settles down because his work has him move a lot. (This is when he mentioned my thoughts on long distance). We haven’t had the conversation about if we are officially dating or not, or where in the world he sees us, and & haven’t asked him so I don’t freak him out. I’ve just enjoyed being around him. Soooo What in the world happened? I haven’t heard from him at all for almost 4 days, when we never went longer than a day communicating. What do I do now? I was thinking about asking him where he would like to see things go once he moves, but now I’m scared to mention anything at all.

  2. lily says...

    met this amazing guy, was talking for a few weeks then started seeing each other every few days for another few weeks. he stayed the night at mine, visited me at work, (met my family!) then we went into total lockdown and he moved to europe to get away (he’s not a local and has a dutch passport). we’re still talking quite regularly and i have plans to visit when international borders open but god i miss him, and i’m scared the six or so months apart will irrevocably change things.

  3. Erin says...

    My boyfriend and I hit our 6 month mark of dating when the quarentine happened. We went from seeing eachother basically everyday to nothing. He was never much of a phone user, we’d barely talk ot message on it during the day but we would talk in person non stop. We both are in our mid to late 20s and currently live with our own families who are immune compromised so we didnt have moving in together as an option. Moving into an apartment just because of the pandemic just to be able to see each other just didnt feel right. When I move in with someone I dont want it to be because of pressure from a socially killing disease.

    We live 10 minutes apart and we will social disgrace hang out outside every so often but I know for me it’s not enough. Hes been trying to be more engaging with phone calls or messages which is great..but I still feel like it’s not enough. Like he could do more and we’ve talked about that, but are those things really end the relationship worthy? I dont know. If it wasnt a quarantine these things wouldnt be issues but now its put us in basically a long distance relationship against our will.

    I know there are people out there who have it worse or better than we do in our little situation. We are just one couple out of so many affected like this and it isnt fair to put our families or others at risk just because I want to simply hug my boyfriend. So we havent. It’s going on 3 months now.

    I just… I guess I just needed to vent that. I didnt mean to come off selfish. I hope someone out there can understand. This whole pandemic and the situations its created for us socially is unprecedented, scary and just emotionally charging. I cant wait for it to be over and for everyone to be okay.

    • Erin says...

      *I meant socially distance hang out

  4. Will says...

    I guess no one will see this, so I’m going to just tell my story.

    I met my now ex-girlfriend in November and it was amazing. We were sort of local long distance (2 hours) and we started to stay with each other over the weekend pretty much every week to two weeks. Everything was right, organic assurance, communication, and affection. She was special.

    4 months in and I asked her to be my girlfriend; she said yes and I was ecstatic! We had plans to go to NYC, weddings, and other out of state vacations. Just 1 week in and the quarantine hits hard. Our NYC trip cancelled, and physical distancing meant I couldn’t see her. She also has type 1 diabetes and so the fear was compounded.

    1 month into quarantine (end of March) we had been calling each other every day. It was so great to have that because I adore quality time, but she was starting to wear thin from her remote work, needing time to herself, her family and friends.

    I tried to comfort her and compromise in telling her that it was ok if we didn’t talk every day. We would talk every now and then and have the occasional video chat. During the span of April, she was becoming increasingly exhausted from work and began feeling weak. I tried to give her as much space as she needed, sending her gifts and giving her words of affirmation. I sensed a drop in libido. We were unable to have intimate calls or video due to her living with her family and being on the first floor. She was waiting to move into another part of the house due to incomplete construction.

    I felt a growing distance that bothered me, but I wanted to assure she had space to keep up with her self care. I encouraged date ideas and things that could spice our mundane circumstances. They all fell through.

    I had been reading articles non stop on how to make things easier for us during quarantine and read communication was key. I had the talk about what she felt about us. It quickly turned into a talk about how little time she had for me and how she wanted to be better. She also revealed that she was pretty sure she contracted COVID-19 and was recovering from it. Dealing with thoughts of mortality, work stress, and family priorities left no room for me.

    I was devastated and could only accept her desire to separate. My first thoughts were to let her go, because she made her decision.

    I’m torn between wanting to work things out and letting her go. Why can’t we get through this? She is so special to me and I feel helpless.

    It has been one week since the break up and I wish I had fought for her. She made it clear that she cares deeply for me, yet I don’t understand why we couldn’t have taken steps to talk through it. We had such great momentum until the quarantine sunk in. I feel destroyed.

    I think, maybe she had no energy to remain interested in us. I can’t help but feel she may have just lost interest and couldn’t tell me. I honestly rather have the brutal truth then be told something sugar coated. It would allow me to move on much easier.

    How does love survive quarantine, especially, when your primary love languages are quality time and physical touch? I envy the couple’s who are able to persevere. Good luck to all the lovers out there…

    • Sherry says...

      Hey Will, thank you for sharing your story….I know you mentioned about bringing up the talk about how she felt, but did you express to her how you felt? About her…about the two of you, about your feelings? Did you ask her the following to your statement that you shared on your post? About being brutally honest….Have you called, texted, contacted her in any way since the “breakup”? Curious, when you two had spent nearly every weekend together, were the visits always at your place?

  5. Sherry says...

    New fan of “Cup Of Jo”, which I’ve discovered recently during these unusual times. I can’t believe I’m about to share this…met someone over Bumble on March 26th (I know, a dating app, who would have thought), we connected pretty well within a week, actually connected quite well. We took our conversation off the app to texting within 4 days. We texted daily, spoke on the phone, send pictures of each other, some old and some new. We have shared about our previous marriage, life, interests, food, hiking, etc. This whole quarantine has kinda been a silver lining – really getting to know someone, being vulnerable at times, actually have a conversation…
    As we talk about meeting in-person once the Stay At Home has been lifted, I am not only excited but nervous as well. I’m 52, single mom, 2 daughters, ages 18 & 20, the 18-year-old lives w/me. I hardly dated in the past due to work, placing daughters first and just extremely picky. Now that my girls are young adults, felt what better timing to give the dating app a shot. Wish me luck people…this is my moment of YOLO! ;)

  6. Maria says...

    I’ve met a guy online just before the lockdown and the fact of not being able to meet and have our first date face to face has only increased the curiosity and desire towards each other. Nothing can be certain these days and exactly that is making this relationship’s momentum last longer! We keep each other’s dopamine levels high by sharing stimulating pics of ourselves and cheer up with sweet messages whilst having a glass of wine. I can’t wait to meet him but on the bright side, avoiding physical contact so far has not only given us the right pace to get to know each other but also has increased the chances of building a more direct and sexier relationship. Anyone else experiencing a soothing whilst sexy relationship over apps?

    • Sherry says...

      Wow Maria…I just read your story! We have similar stories!!! I would love to hear what happens after these commercial breaks (meaning once you two have met, lol). Good luck to you! :)

  7. Kate says...

    We’d been spending all our time together (except for the 1 month he was in Dubai and the 10 days I was on a silent meditation course) and I was always staying over at his place (it’s right across the street from my office! Was my original excuse to myself)

    He mentioned moving in together and I said it was something we could begin discussing in May (after 6 months). Well, it was 4 months in March and I officially moved in. Oddly, loving every minute of our time together :)

  8. Lyneth says...

    I’m in a pretty weird situation also..
    I met this guy in january and we’ve been really into each other.. we’re not boyfriend or girlfriend because when we met we just wanted to get to know each other better but this lockdown came and it was also very good.
    Last week his mother caught the Covid19 and understandbly he’s been more quiet and distant.. I’m trying to give him space, like all the space he needs but.. I’m really afraid.. I worry alot about his mother of course, but I’m afraid that this thing we could have might die in between.. And I just feel very selfish sometimes because I don’t know how he is, and I’m just waiting for him to say something..
    Well that felt good. Stay safe guys

  9. Stephanie says...

    I am 54. Met a man on line 2 weeks ago. We are both in the same line of work and have many things in common. So we had a social distancing 1st date walk in the park and sat under a tree maintaining proper distance. We talked there for four hours. Now we want to see each other again and will do the park and a picnic. At my age I really never thought I would meet anyone again. We are considering after this date to have a none distancing one after. He lives alone and doesn’t Work outside of home. I have a 17 year old who self isolates anyway. And we only go to our local groceries about once a week. Am I crazy to want to do this? As it is I have only dated once since my divorce 5 years ago…..and that guy died 3 years ago. I don’t want to miss out on an opportunity for a possible really good relationship.

    • Lyneth says...

      I think that’s just beautiful! Do what you’re heart says but keep in mind the risk always.. just be safe outhere!

    • HPLess Rom antique says...

      Stephanie:
      I am in the same situation with a new romance. We met online and quickly hit it off. Had 3 zoom dates then social distance date in the park yesterday. She is very cautious, going so far as being cautious with her identity online (leave it at that) , which I totally respect because she is a high-value individual. Anyway, here in California our governor just extended the SIP for at least another month and hinted for substantially longer. Damn it!… All of our dates we lose track of time because we can’t stop talking to each other, find each other fascinating, and clearly have a connection getting very vulnerable with our emotions and history early on in the game…. which I here is common with SIP. Its called misatribution of arousal, the present isolation, and loneliness as well as uncertainty and risk of death pushing us more to be vulnerable quicker with those we are establishing new romantic/intimate relationships with. She has 2 sons 18,21 who moved back from college, who she says she cannot risk leaving without a parent if she were to fall ill. She said “I really like you and I am willing to wait it out because I think this relationship is worth it” but that if I need to distance myself and slow things down because we are not going to be together. I am jumping out of my skin to be with her but at the same time struggling with maybe I just feel this way because of this misattribution theory and that I have been so lonely past 2 months having recently ended a 4-year toxic relationship. Rebound… And Limerance, I want to see her and physically be close to her, but I also respect her decision to maintain social distancing with me, so really I am resentful at myself for being self-centered by wanting her to risk it and break the social distancing to be together. So I struggle with the same issue: FOMO of a really healthy relationship. I don’t know the answer. I empathize with your dilemma. Also we have to keep in mind we are in our 50’s so the risks are higher than in the younger population. Que Sera Sera:)

  10. Carmen says...

    My dilema is that Ice been dating this guy for almost two years, I WFH but he is in the medical field so still working, he has his place I have mine with my kids (10 and 8). He is very upset I asked him not to see each other until at least we flatten the line (In case any of us gets sick we at least get help). I cannot afford to get sick as a single mom of two with aging parents and a brother with a disability.

    • Charlie says...

      You made the right choice. You have to protect yourself and your children. I think it’s important to have a partner who can understand that.

  11. Emily says...

    The first day of ‘social distancing’ was the day I got the courage to ask my crush for a drink. We had 3 hours until the pub closed and it was closing time when we both finally kissed each other. Every Friday since, I’ve gone to his to quarantine for the weekend (we’re both NHS clinicians in the same dept and carry the same infection risk).

    We’ve hit the nesting phase veeeery quick – only because we can’t leave the house for dates and are forced to spend the day in bed (we also slept together on the 2nd date). All dating rules are out the window at the moment and neither of us have a clue how to act but I can honestly and selfishly say that despite all the misery in the world at the moment, I’ve never felt happier

  12. April says...

    I’ve been seeing this guy exclusively for about 2 months now. We’re both international students, away from our home countries, living with flatmates in places that are a 40 min walk away from each other. We’re both PhD students so this time of the year is particularly challenging. I think he’s dealing with it way better than I am! He spent the past two weekends at my place and things went pretty well. But in the weeks prior to the lockdown, we had major arguments caused by miscommunication. We have decided that he won’t come to my place next week or next… While having the conversation, in my mind, there was also the possibility for him to move to my place but I guess it’s unrealistic and could even be harmful to both of us. I have noticed he’s not really into texting with me anymore (he was really into it before we started “officially” dating) so being away from him seems like a death sentence to our potential relationship. I didn’t dare to ask if he would be willing to quarantine with me since right now I don’t feel strong enough to deal with rejection. I hope for the best but I’m heartbroken, being kilometers away from friends and family was difficult enough already.

  13. Helen says...

    I’m in a sticky situation too…

    My partner and I have been in a relationship for a year and we are now 1 month into separate self-isolation. We live about 30 minutes from each other and she currently lives with her parents due to college and financial reasons. To make her choice more confusing, her little brother (20 years old) lives alone and has no obligation towards isolating with family and yet she does. I live with our mutual friend but my partner has decided to spend this time apart. What complicates this even more is that I’m going to be moving out of the state for graduate school in August. Despite knowing this, she admitted today that she will not even spend the later part of the this together. Our time together is limited here and I’m trying my best not to resent her for deciding to be quarantined with her family instead of me. Am I just being selfish here?

    • Chelsea Gray says...

      From my 30yo view, respectfully, yes; although this is coming from a person who hasn’t left the house since the quarantine began. I moved back home from out of state to help with my late grandmother. I was working from home, but I hated my job so I just decided to quit because it was mentally draining. I decided to nanny for spare cash, but I’m not financially bound by it. I was also under the impression that I would have a new job by May so I didn’t get any health insurance. I nannied for a family where they both are essential workers, but not in the medical field. I couldn’t risk my health so I had to leave them cold with a long weekends’ notice. I know its not similar, love vs work and all, but I really liked the family and the kids.

      I just know we all have different ways to view life and some of us are much more frightened by this than others. My mom, in my opinion, is so careless and I pray she doesn’t catch it, but she doesn’t live with us and when she drops something off for my brother or aunt I don’t allow her into the house. I love her but I don’t want any of us in the house to catch it. We also use delivery services because I refuse to go out, I don’t know if your partner feels like I do, but I’m sure she definitely feels an alarming and confusing amount of fear that she can’t control and probably doesn’t understand herself.

  14. Sue says...

    My boyfriend and I have been living together since October til last week when he decided to go get his 2 teenage children who have different mother. One mom works at Walmart one at a day care but not everyday now. I’m 63 he’s 50. I told him no to the kids coming here like they normally do and on top of it when he went to his apt he invited his 59 yr old buddy over too. I won’t let him come back here. He’s upset angry hurt pissed off whatever feeling I broke up with him on Saturday cuz I won’t let him come back. Told him 2 weeks today he said he’s done with me. I’m a drama queen. He stopped texting and calling me on Sunday at 1pm until Monday barely texting and not calling me. Now he’s making me make the decision. He’s selfish I know. This isn’t loving somebody it’s controlling. Ya I get it but I love the damn guy. I want him back here with me. I’m afraid if I say not til next week he will just give up on us. Ya I know probably better and showing me his true colors right? God somebody hit me on the head with a 2 x 4 would ya? We both have been healthy and so are the kids and his buddy. We were both sick for 2 weeks last month bad but we did it together and funny thing he cancelled his visitation weekend when we were sick. I am torn.

  15. Janet says...

    To be honest I don’t understand why it has to be all or nothing on the quarantine with partners situation. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for over two years and we are planning to move together in June. That said, currently we each have our own apartments and both need to work from home – which means a lot of virtual meetings and calls for each of us.

    It would be infeasible (or at least very challenging) for us to live together during this as neither of us has two soundproof work areas in our apartments. Our compromise is to stay separate during the week, and then spend the weekend together. My belief is as long as both people are practicing social distancing, it is simply much more practical to remain in our separate spaces until work is done, otherwise there’s no way both of us could effectively do our work.

    I used to see him over the weekends as well as a couple times during the week, so certainly this has reduced our frequency but not significantly. And honestly I would not recommend any new couples to immediately take the course of living together perpetually – that’s a tough adjustment, especially when you don’t yet fully know the other person.

  16. Gina says...

    I met my dream man unexpectedly a few months after I ended a 7 year relationship. We only decided to make things official a week before the quarantine. He’s spending the quarantine with his family away from NYC while I’m here by myself. I have this fear that things will fizzle while we’re apart for weeks, but try to tell myself if that’s the case maybe it wasn’t meant to be. Feels like I’m heartbroken for something that isn’t even quite over yet.

    • MJFDM says...

      I’m in the same boat as you. I officially started dating my dream girl on March 7th. We had a fantastic first date, and we even got to hang out a few times throughout March. She works in the health care field, and she admitted to me that she felt guilty that we were continuing to hang out while we should be social distancing. She didn’t want to be the cause of anyone getting hurt because of our actions. So now we’re having nightly video chats, and I’m horribly afraid that she will lose interest in me because we don’t get to see each other for awhile. I’m sure I’m worrying over nothing, but nobody said relationship anxiety was rationale. :P

  17. Holly says...

    I have been dating this dude for about 3 weeks before quarantine started. It got kinda serious pretty fast because we both agreed to meet eachother’s family’s’ super quick and have been spending a lot of time together, especially because we work at the same place and out job is closed until May. We both agree that we are having a weird honeymoon phase and it’s gone in and out of feeling like love birds.

    But, what is really frustrating is our views of quarantine. I’m ok with visiting his house and that’s about it, only if he has also been safe about social distancing as well. He still wants to go out to friends houses and doing things where as I on the other hand am in tears over my fear and anxiety of catching the virus. If he gets it, I guarantee you he will be fine based off his age and overall health. I will not be fine if I catch it… I have really bad asthma and have been in the hospital over simple colds and I feel like if he had ever seen me sick with a mild virus before, he would understand how bad it would be if I caught the virus.

    I am going to be honest.. up to this point I have been very passive about it all. Now the cases in our city have jumped exponentially and I don’t want to go out anymore. I’m terrified. I want to have a talk to him about this but I don’t want to have a fight about it. I think I’m going to drink wine and just see what happens…

    • Leanne Behrns says...

      I read this article today. This reporter got COVID19 from a small dinner party. https://www.thestar.com/news/gta/2020/04/03/im-a-healthy-millennial-getting-covid-19-was-so-much-worse-than-i-expected.html

      The problem is that no one can guarantee he’ll be fine if he gets it. Young healthy people are maybe less at risk, but they are still at risk. And it’s brutal and unpredictable. Honestly, I think that your differing opinions on this – how much risk you’re willing to accept in your life – is a good thing to tackle, though it may not have come this soon in your relationship. Good luck!

  18. Kyle says...

    I met a woman online and played a game of cat and mouse over online chat, where I ask her to meet or go on a casual date, she disappears, and i giver her some space until i finally reach out again and we talk until the next time I ask her out, Haha. She said she was both worried it wouldn’t go well, and she would be wasting my time, not knowing what she was looking to get out of it. I assured her it wouldn’t be the end of the world if it didn’t go well, and that I have no expectations. We eventually had a lengthy conversation on the phone and I asked her to meet up again for a casual walk along the canal the next day. She agreed, but later cancelled. In context it seemed like we couldn’t find the time between our other plans that day/ maybe she got cold feet again. Soon after came the “lockdown”. She lost her job and has been more or less quarantined/social distancing ever since. We still talk on the phone (for hours) every couple of days and text often. I am still deemed “essential” and still work. It has been great getting to know her during a time when no one has anything new to say because they are home doing nothing all day!

    Now, my dilemma: We have never met! I don’t want these phone conversations to lead me into the “friend zone”. As a man, I can’t tell what a woman is thinking without guessing wildly or speculating based on her body language. Normally, I would call her briefly to set up something face to face. There as so many unique circumstances in our “relationship”. The problem is the more we talk, the more I like her! How does the internet read my situation, and is there any advice to build attraction and keep it during this quarantine!?

    • Leanne says...

      Can you do video chats instead of phone calls?

    • Romantique says...

      This is an easy one Kyle. Don’t chase her, let her come to you. You are unclear of her attraction to you and you are obviously attracted to her. She is already aware of that so she is leading the relationship until you both become equals in it. So no need to keep beating the dead horse of “I’m attracted to you”. It comes off as needy. If she is into you she will reach out, let her chase you, or let her go, don’t chat email unless she initiates, bite your tongue. Chat up some other prospective dates, don’t limit yourself. I have a habit of doing that too I’ll admit. If it was meant to be it will happen. Don’t try to force it. In my experience, I have found that the best and most meaningful relationships are those that come with ease…If you are fighting for attention, you will struggle in your relationship. Also remember, There are 7.5 Billion people on this planet, men and women. – HPless Romantique

  19. Maya says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2 years now. This quarantine has given us a lot of time to talk because usually he would be practicing his spots while I have clubs,But now we have hours to call and text as we are not in quarantine together. I’m not saying talking is a bad thing it’s just that I’m a very dramatic person and so to much talking causes me to think to much and I’m just scared I’m going to scare him away with all my questions and doubts. Does anyone have any advice?

  20. Jo says...

    I have been dating around for several months and went on a first date with someone right before everything shut down where I live and social distancing began. Since then my date and I have just gone on two walks (maintaining social distance to the best of our ability), but the whole time he has been pretty forward about how into me he is. During the past few days, we have started dabbling with sexting – my first foray into the art – and it’s actually super exciting and fun! Would love to hear if others are taking this route.

  21. Hannah says...

    My boyfriend and I had been dating long distance for 4 months when I came down for a visit in mid-March. My company received the mandatory work from home directive that weekend, and we decided I would stay down in DC. At the time, we thought it might be a week, maybe two, but now it’s looking like I will be here indefinitely (I live in NYC, so am not in a hurry to go back). Despite the short duration of our relationship and the distance, we’ve gotten very serious very quickly, and had already had conversations about moving in together a year from now. So, while this is significantly moving up our timeline, it’s really just speeding up the inevitable, and has really reaffirmed our long term commitment to each other (nothing like having heated conversations about the dos and don’ts of social distancing, thinking about financial implications if either of us loses or jobs, or dealing with anxiety around at-risk family members to take your relationship to the next level!). It’s going as well as could possibly be expected given the circumstances, but being together 24/7 is a total 180 from my 10 years of single, roommate-less life! Never has the phrase “let there be space in your togetherness” felt more relevant!

  22. Vanessa says...

    My sweetie and I have been dating 8mo and went our first big trip together earlier this month—overseas for 10 days! we arrived back in the US right in the thick of if (March 11). The trip feels like it was YEARS ago now. His company had implemented WFH March 9; he already worked from home quite a bit but is still adjusting. I, on the other hand, have been furloughed and have alllll the free time in the world, along with a newly-discovered health issue (& waiting for a phone consult from the specialist who is booked, ack). I’d been thinking about asking my BF to move in together later this year, but this situation has really fast-tracked that in a positive way. We grew so close on our vacation and now are even closer, and he’s been such a support for me during this scary time. We introduced his elderly dog and my skittish kitty, and are cohabitating until the crisis lessens. I am so grateful to spend this unique and weird time together, and on a lighter note he’s happy to let me process my feelings while organizing his many poorly-organized closets lol

  23. Nicole says...

    Back in the fall, I was withering away in a new-ish but already bad marriage, trying to ignore the nagging feeling in my gut that said I had made a mistake and should get divorced. Of course, in the context of this internal anguish, I met someone SPECTACULAR, who is so very obviously my person. I loved her so immediately, with all the clarity and “HELL YES”-ness I never felt with my ex. Lucky for me, she felt the same.

    Cut to five months later, and we are both mid-divorce. Before the quarantine news hit, I flew to her hometown to visit her… and then basically got stuck here! It doesn’t make much sense to fly “home” to the apartment I used to share with my ex, and my new partner and I are, frankly, pretty blissful together here. But we still can’t believe we went from illicit tortured feelings to living together in a pandemic in the span of mere months. It’s nuts, but I’m grateful for our insane origin story – and every single day, I wake up to her face and think, “Yep. This is exactly where I’m meant to be.”

  24. E says...

    I’d started talking to a guy on a dating app just as coronavirus reared its head in the US. He’s actually a doctor and is at the front lines of treating patients who are COVID-19 positive; it’s been crazy to hear his stories of the world inside the hospital. We had a FaceTime first date last night, and hearing his voice and laughing with him felt both strange and wonderful at the same time :) I think in the midst of stress and anxiety, a little hope of love is the best thing we can cling to.

  25. RS says...

    Oof. I am having the opposite experience, where my boyfriend of 3 years and I had a big fight right before quarantine, and then had some intense phone conversations and basically were about to meet up for the “should we break up?” talk when the shelter-in-place order came in. So… we are still together kind of, but both know we’re going to break up and basically have, but we don’t want to do it over the phone, so… ugh, it’s a crazy weird limbo place to be in. Thankfully he’s still very supportive and caring and we talk every day. It’s just kind of the world’s worst time to go through a breakup, you know? XD

    • Becca says...

      Just wanted to say I was in a similar situation before the lockdown came into effect a couple of days ago in NZ. It’s sort of resolved now but it was so tough so I feel for you. Hang in there and sending you lots of love xx

  26. GabyB says...

    My boyfriend and I have been together exactly one year. He lives alone and I have roommates so I stay at his place frequently anyways. The week before all of this started I broached the subject of moving in together and he said he was not ready. It was hard but I understand he wants to move slower than I do. Our city went under lockdown so for the past two weeks I have been staying at his apartment and will be here until this is all over. How ironic that immediately after our conversation of not moving in together we are now essentially living together!
    It has been lovely, though. We WFH 8:30-5:30 with some kisses between conference calls. We cook and bake at night, we do workout videos together, we drink wine on a weeknight (why not?). We haven’t argued once; in fact we are grateful to have one another in this time.
    I keep thinking about what this situation would be like if I hadn’t met him, or if we were in the early stages of dating. Interesting to read about other people’s situations. My heart goes out to those in a tough position at home – it won’t be like this forever. I just keep dreaming about when this is over and it will be summertime when everyone is happy. I will never take a crowded patio bar for granted again!

  27. Kelsey says...

    This post really resonated! My boyfriend and I have been dating 7 months and are quarantining together at his place. A month ago he had hardly seen me without makeup or matching underwear…. Haha, let’s just say we’ve achieved a new level of intimacy.

  28. Marie says...

    Would love some advice. I am newly dating someone (2 weeks) but we’ve had an instant and intense connection and have been spending time together most days. I’m in Canada so things are just starting to ramp up here. If we are both self-isolating other than minimal trips to the grocery store, is it ok for him to be coming over to my apartment? Seems like minimal contact but not sure if its ok.

    • Sonya says...

      I’m in a similar boat and would love some advice too! I have been dating my boyfriend for couple of months and have been struggling with what to do. He lives alone and work from home; he hasn’t seen anyone except me in two weeks. I live with a roommate (who works from home) and am currently in online school. It feels way too soon to live with my boyfriend and quarantine together, but like you said, if we’re both making minimal trips to the grocery store and just driving between one another’s apartments, is it OK? So grateful to hear other people are in this tricky situation!
      Oh, and my state just issued a “stay at home order” yesterday. It would be hard to not see each other but at least I have a roommate who is also a good friend. I worry about my boyfriend being completely isolated for weeks, if not months :( I totally support these orders to limit social contact as much as possible- I just think it will be much more difficult for people who live alone vs. with others

    • Julia says...

      I live in NYC and my boyfriend of six months is in law enforcement and out in the field while I’m working from home. I tried to plan out as much as I could but he said it best – it’s hard to know what each day will bring. He drives to my place on Fridays and leaves Sundays and we’re super vigilant on hand washing, not going out unless necessary, etc. We both know it isn’t permanent and better to miss each other a bit than the alternative. You will figure out the best solution for you!

    • Emma says...

      Oh, I’m also in a similar boat! I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost 3 months and we’re both working from home, only going out for grocery store trips once a week, etc. I keep thinking…it it ok if I still go over to his house??? We’re also both very vigilant about hand-washing, changing our outside clothes to inside clothes, but I worry I’m doing the wrong thing…

    • Mary says...

      I think as long as neither of you are seeing other people (or your circle is very limited to one or two low risk contacts), and you’re able to move between each others place in a way that is safe, this seems reasonable.

      For the record, I was newly dating someone for 3 weeks and we moved in together because hes an ER nurse and it just made more sense to minimize movement and risk of exposing others in case we contract it and are asymptomatic.

    • Elise says...

      Everyone draws the line differently. I’m in a similar situation and had dated someone for 2 weeks, instant, intense connection. We’re both dying to see each other again but he’s not willing to risk it until one of use catches it and recovers, even though I would have been willing to risk, say, one date a month if I’m not going out otherwise. I also have a larger circle I still have to be in contact with (nanny and thus her family, and my kids’ father). So at the moment, we’re doing what we can via video dates. And fantasizing lots about what we’re going to do to each other once the self-isolation ends!

  29. Annie says...

    Poll: Do people really pee with the door open when others are around?

    • Dana says...

      Absolutely. Around my husband, best friends, my mother…

    • Kate says...

      Oddly enough, I will pee with my close female friends in the room at a party but have never peed in front of my husband. If that doesn’t say something about the intimacies of female relationships I don’t know what does!

    • noooo

    • Richard says...

      Only with close friends or my girlfriend! We would even pee while another is getting ready in the same bathroom. Not a big deal haha. Friends just wouldn’t look, while my gf and I don’t care if we do.

    • Ser says...

      Never ever

  30. GW says...

    My chronically single friend has been crushing on a colleague since last fall. He was overseas on sabbatical and we thought he would quarantine there, but he surprised her by flying home and texted her from the airport, “Hey, wanna get dinner?” They’ve quarantined together and I’m so happy for them. As I take deep breaths and try to be patient with my three kids, I smile whenever I think of her enjoying the start of a relationship.

    • CandiceZ says...

      This would make an awesome book or movie.

    • Ashley says...

      Sounds like if the Office redid Pam & Jim’s love story in 2020 :)

  31. Nina says...

    4 months ago a friendship of mine turned into more-than-friends-not-quite-a-relationship. Neither of us wanted to be by ourself for weeks on end during lockdown, so we are both staying at my place. So far, so good, but I have a really busy period at work (teleworking) while the friend barely has enough to do to fill a full work day (also teleworking), so we are both expecting some conflicts to arise! I am pretty sure I got the advice to remember the difference between roommate and relationship problems from here, a similar “lockdown problems aren’t necessarily relationship problems” will be important to remember!

  32. Anne says...

    My boyfriend is still working…as in out in the real world. We have curbside dates. At least twice a day, he drives over to my house, parks in front, rolls down the passenger window, and we chat while I sit on on a planter. It’s actually pretty cute.

  33. maria says...

    Thank you for this post!! I’ve been dating someone special for 4 months now, it’s long distance (1500 km apart). Both our countries have banned all travel, there are no flights. We saw each other exactly one day before the suspension of flights, already heard rumours it will be introduced. So I proposed: let’s quarantine together, and saw terror in his eyes. He had to go back home because… he’s married. VIRUS CORONAT OPUS!

    • Elizabeth says...

      Nooooo! I am so sorry ?.

    • B says...

      Ops… Except I’m the married one.

    • Alice says...

      I literally gasped at this. I’m SO sorry Maria, that must have been such a huge shock!

  34. Sam says...

    My sig oth and I have known each other for a year and been long-distance the whole time. We didn’t want to live together until we were married (sort of on principle? I realize this is probably not a common perspective here) but when the pandemic struck, I came to stay with him. I can work remotely right now, and he’s in healthcare, and I worry about him being sick alone (and also about myself being sick alone). But the longer I stay here, the more it kinda feels like moving in. I struggle with feeling like we’re violating our principles. Am I ultimately going to rationalize just moving in together bc “well, we already did it during the pandemic” or something? (Though I’m also afraid to leave because who knows when it would be possible to even come back, and everywhere else I have to stay is either solitary or high-stress…and I feel like a full on snob worrying about principles at a time like this.)

    • Tracy says...

      You’re not a snob. Those are YOUR values! And that’s 100% ok :) these are unprecedented circumstances… I think it’s ok to cut yourself some slack ❤️

    • Julie says...

      Yes, what Tracy said! These are totally bizarre circumstances. If it helps, I also feel strongly about not living with anyone unless I’m married to them, but have been mostly staying at my boyfriend’s place. I’m treating it both as an investigative experience (“So THIS is what it would be like!”) and a temporary treat. I think if you can conceive of sheltering as a relatively short-term adventure and a way to take care of each other in an especially uncertain season, going back to separate residences later may feel wonderful and you’ll have had the best of both worlds. :)

    • Sam says...

      Thanks guys.

    • Elizabeth says...

      I am also in the don’t-live-together-until-marriage camp, but these are strange times!! Finding comfort and strength in each other is important, as are your values. This could be a great time to discuss those things that are important to you too, while you have the quality time together :)

  35. Erica says...

    Ahh i LOVE this and needed it so very much :) I live in NYC but am from LA and at the end of January went on a trip out there to see my family. I met a guy at my fave coffee shop and DMd him–and he wrote back!–we went on two INCREDIBLE dates together; the chemistry and connection truly felt like a movie! and when I came back to life in NYC we started lots of FaceTime dates, texting, and decided to plan a trip together. About a month ago we went on a trip up the central coast (wine country) in CA and it was incredible! I am an introvert through and through so being around anyone 24/7 is hard for me ;) But with him, it was right and easy (he said the same!) good fun, easy to be with and never got on each other’s nerves. All wins! However, after the trip, he told me he couldn’t see things going forward. And the biggest shocker was we broke up the day before NYC started closing down (March 11). It all seems very surreal and sad. On one hand, it feels like we broke up 3000 years ago, which is helping me, and on the other, I’m sad and miss him. We had talked about the next time we would see each other in the near future and I can’t help but think about how great of quarantine buddies we’d be. Time will heal all wounds! Just hard to be in the middle of it without anyone here. Sending hugs to anyone that needs it <3

    • CS says...

      Take good care of yourself. Sending a big hug in your direction, too. Xo

    • Anonymous says...

      I’m in the same situation, had a completely shocking breakup in January, did several weeks of the in-between “having conversations,” and the week before lockdown we ended things officially. Beyond painful and very sad, but it will indeed pass, and in some ways it is comforting to see so many people from all different situations openly sharing their struggles. This isn’t ideal for any of us, and we’ll all get through it. Thinking of you!

    • JS says...

      Sending you hugs! I broke up with someone at the beginning of February and I have to say this quarantine has been SO helpful in moving on from it. I just had a call with my therapist and she asked how I was feeling about him and I had to pause and think for a second, huh when WAS the last time I thought about him?? It was an amazing feeling, and I can’t wait for you to get there! Try to use this quarantine as a time to self-reflect and nurture yourself. And think of all of the amazing opportunities for connecting with new people once we’re back out in the world.

  36. Christy kruzick says...

    I have asthma and adrenal insufficiency, and my doctors put me into quarantine 3 weeks ago because I’m a high risk patient. But my husband is not able to quarantine due to his work, so we’ve had to separate from each other to keep me alive and well. At first it felt easy, we talked and FaceTime’d constantly, but the last couple of days I’ve started to miss him terribly. I miss holding his hand, I miss his hugs, I miss kissing him, I miss the way we used to argue about cleaning the house, or what to watch on Netflix. I miss everything, but I know this separation could save my life, and so we carry on with this strange new reality. The last couple of days, he has driven over to the house, and stands in the backyard about 15 feet away me, sometimes we talk, and sometimes we just look at each other and smile. I am reminded of the Charles Bukowski quote, when I stare at him from a distance, or watch him on a FaceTime call, “I want to be with you. It’s a simple and complicated as that.”

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh that quote is so beautiful. i’m sending you all the love, christy. that sounds really hard.

    • Allie says...

      Ooof. That quote got me. I’m long distance with my boyfriend of 2 years and we aren’t able to be together now either, so I can only imagine what it’s like on a heightened level with your husband. Sending all the love through this hard time as well.

    • Lauren says...

      I will be thinking of you. What a beautiful thought for this challenging moment. I am quarantining with my two kids, separate from my husband who is an ER doctor. It’s strange and difficult and heavy, I just keep thinking how amazing it will feel to find ourselves on the other side. Take care.

  37. Hannah says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 5 months. Before that, we were both in intense toxic relationships, so we’ve been taking things kind of slow. But we both said “I love you” for the first time on March 11th — basically the day before the US exploded haha. We were also about to plan our first trip together and take some time off work, but now I have no idea when that will happen.

    My boyfriend lives about 45 minutes away with his brother and I live alone with my cat. We didn’t see each other for about a week after all this began because we were both kind of freaked out and not sure if we SHOULD be seeing each other. Also we live in Utah and there was a big earthquake last week that scared everyone even more.

    He’s very introverted and deals with his stress by locking himself away to work on his music. That’s been hard — wanting to see him so much because everything is so crazy, but him becoming more introverted to deal with the craziness. We finally decided that we needed to see each other for the sake of our sanity and for the health of our relationship, so we spent 2 amazing days together. We’re both self-quarantining and social distancing, so it seems okay if we only really see each other. I kind of wish we could hunker down together, but we’re just not at that point in our relationship yet. We’re both kind of cautious.

    One silver lining is that this situation has made me love him even more and appreciate the light he brings into my life. I’m definitely grateful for that. If we come out of this thing together, I feel like our relationship will be even stronger.

  38. Lynn says...

    Thank you for posting on this topic! How, when, or even whether to see my guy during shelter-in-place has been a source of anxiety for me. We met in early January and had an amazing, immediate connection. When it became clear that COVID-19 would require big lifestyle changes, it was never a question that we would shelter-in-place in our separate homes, 15 minutes by car apart. We are both twice divorced, and he has one child with each of his two ex’s — and I (by my choice) have not met his kids yet. I do not have kids, but I have a dog ;-) I have been extremely careful about keeping myself healthy and safe: seeing all friends virtually and only going out to food shop and exercise at a distance from other people. He, on the other hand, has more contacts by virtue of shared custody. But other than this, he’s also been very careful about eliminating unnecessary contact with other people.

    I am much more fearful of contracting coronavirus than he is. Not because I have any underlying health compromise (and I’m 48), but rather it’s such an unpredictable disease that could make me very ill AND I do not want to contribute to its spread in my community. Last night on the phone he admitted that he’d be comfortable with a sleepover, whereas I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea right now.

    The last time we saw each other was for a hike last Friday. I find myself exactly equally split between making him the one person I allow myself to be close to, especially during this time where that kind of intimacy can be such a source of comfort, and staying apart for who knows how long…

    What a time we live in.

  39. Anna says...

    My long-term boyfriend and I are currently living in two different countries due to work. Many European countries closed their borders due to the virus, so we are unable to visit each other. It has been two months since we saw each other and it may be months until we meet again, but this tough period is making us more compassionate and loving, I think. It’s the small things, like “sharing” coffee over FaceTime while we each work from home.

  40. Kelly says...

    My boyfriend and I had literally just moved in together (like 4 days prior) to us both getting mandated WFH indefinitely (we work at the same company). It’s been challenging at times, especially the first week when I was obsessed with setting up and unpacking everything so we’d have a clean and organized space to live in, and as a result was a pretty cranky and miserable partner to be around. Our theme for this period now is “grace”- grace with each other and grace with the messes that accumulate in all corners of our tiny apartment. I feel beyond grateful that we’re able to have the opportunity to further strengthen and cultivate our love for each other too.

  41. Mags says...

    Thanks for this post! I have been wondering what this was like for others. I am married with young kids so the quarantine seems so hard (my kids are driving me crazy!!! and I have no idea how I’m supposed to actually work with them around non-stop) but then I sometimes wonder how the quarantine works for others that have less family always around. I imagine that may be harder — deciding if you are going to not see/touch/be within 6 feet of anyone for possible months! Instead I am constantly touched/seen/in too close of quarters in our small apartment with the same (angsty toddler) people all the time. It’s the same experience and yet so different!

  42. Anna says...

    My partner and I had been dating for 2.5 months before quarantine, but we already knew we were “it” for one another after date 3. The pandemic just gave momentum to what was already happening between us. We have moved in with each other and have even set a wedding date for 2021! We couldn’t be happier, Our love is a beautiful thing to come out of all the chaos.

    • Kam says...

      Love this! When you know you KNOW.

  43. E says...

    I’m in a different but similar situation…my partner and I just moved to a new town this fall, and it has just been in the last couple months that I’m starting to feel like I have good friends, a community, a routine. But suddenly we’re back to the way we were six months ago, stuck home together with nowhere to go! All these budding friendships are put on hold – we’re not really close enough to have facetime dinner dates, but I also want to keep the momentum going. Friendships are different from romantic relationships, because you never have a “what are we?” conversation, it just grows naturally and you have to feel it out as you go along. I know there are worse situations to be in – much worse – but my small struggle these days is feeling like I’m going to lose the traction I had gained in my new home.

    • LC says...

      I think it’s important to remember that, while other people certainly have it worse, that doesn’t negate that this is still so hard.

      Could you do FaceTime game night (thinking that may be slightly less intimate/intimidating than a dinner)? There are online versions of things like Scattergories and Codenames, as well as games that are inherently online like Quiplash.

  44. Ashley says...

    Help! My boyfriend and I have been together six months. I suggested we can spend a lot of time quarantined together but he won’t ever leave! I’ve been single for eight years so having someone here 24/7 is way too much. I thought when he’d work, he go into another room and set up but nope, he just sits on the couch. I’d like to smoke a joint in the evenings given that I’m quarantined and he’s against it (only once a week). I like spending time with him but it’s a lot! He has his on place twenty minutes away so there’s no reason he can’t go home.

    • meg says...

      Sweet person – tell him to go home. And it’s your place. You can do what ever you want there, whenever you want. That’s the beauty part about being an adult. xxx.

    • LJ says...

      Girl. Smoke your joint and he can deal. Yeesh.

    • Lorange says...

      Tell him to go home! “Honey, it’s really sweet that you want to spend so much time with me, but I think I still need my own space in order to get work done and for a few nights a week. Can we plan on a romantic dinner on Friday instead?”

      That sounds stressful!

  45. Rachel says...

    Wondering if anyone has advice: my roommate wants to keep going back and forth between her boyfriend’s apartment and ours, rather than picking one place and staying there. He works in a hospital and has multiple roommates himself. I strongly believe that we should be limiting risk as much as possible, and with various circles of roommates and significant others and their roommates and their significant others…it becomes exponentially more risky on a public health level. What should I do? I’ve been staying at my boyfriend’s but would rather be home eventually— ideally would go to my apartment and hunker down there with him. We could also go to his parents’ house, which would probably limit the risk the most since it’s in the suburbs and there is no one going in and out. But do I keep trying to convince my roommate to stop doing what she’s doing, or move forward with Plan B?

    • Rachel Carney says...

      These are such good questions and I don’t have an answer, but just wanted to share that I am dealing with a sort of similar predicament. My boyfriend lives across the street from me with no roommates and has been quarantined aside from grocery store runs. I live with a roommate who is quarantined at our apartment. In the beginning, I was going back and forth but checked in with my roommate to see how he was feeling and he expressed not being super comfortable with me visiting my bf, but also didn’t want to tell me to stop…we decided I would limit my visits and stay mainly at my place but it’s been hard! part of me wants to quarantine with my bf but I also have a cat to take care of at my place…
      I would be open with your roommate about how you’re feeling and hopefully, the two of you can figure it out together. They are also putting themselves at risk, so maybe by framing it that way, they will be more open to discussion? Does anyone have other advice? Is going back and forth totally bad? My thoughts are that limiting exposure as much as possible is the best way to go, but I think we’re all just doing our best to navigate this totally weird time and some back and forths may be riskier than others…. ?

    • Kate says...

      I’m so sorry – by going back and forth your roommate is endangering all of you.

      This article, by an epidemiologist explains why it’s essential that we not “cheat” or rationalize “just once” with social distancing.

      https://medium.com/@jpsmithalt/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

  46. M says...

    I recently met an ER nurse (how convenient) during a period where I thought I would only be home for a few weeks before moving overseas again and wanted to just casually see people. When things started to lockdown, we had to very quickly (aka, after 3 weeks of knowing each other) decide whether we were going to live with each other and only see the other person or not. Given his risk as an ER nurse, I wouldn’t be able to see a single other person if we continued to see each other. It seemed crazy and ridiculous and hilarious, and we decided to just do it. The risk for him and myself is scary, but he brings me such joy in these days of uncertainty and chaos. Who knows how long we’ll be here for, but we’re taking it day by day and enjoying each others company.

  47. Denise says...

    I was literally just thinking about people in this situation! Great timing!

  48. My boyfriend and I only made it on 4 dates before our state (washington) shut down all the restaurants, bars, theaters, etc.
    We arent really “quarantining” together or apart. I am a single mother with a 6 month old, and currently out of work. He is still working M-F. Right now, my son and I stay home during the week, and we will stay home at his place saturday-monday. It’s been interesting, especially with an infant involved. Luckily the 4th date was when he met my child, or else we probably wouldnt of been in this same situation. He cooks alot and so do I. The biggest issue is always being at his place together. I dont feel comfortable yet to play house maker with him and cook and clean in his home, and it feels very weird to be served, I cant say I ever have before. The best part to me is we skipped the “going out fun stage” which obviously is fun but its unrealistic to truly know someone through that stage. Were easily testing how well we do together in real life basis now and so far so good. Were both super affectionate so we are usually cuddled up on couch alot!

  49. Alice says...

    I’ve moved in with my boyfriend for the duration of this! He lived in a lovely two bedroom flat that he owns alone, and I was in a flatshare with housemates who I like, but would probably have fallen out with if we’d all been there together all the time. We’ve been together for over a year now, and we were definitely heading this way anyway, but it’s definitely fast tracked things a bit. But I’ve been DELIGHTED that we’re getting on so well! We’ve got a cute morning routine, where we alternate who brings the other tea in bed, we work from his dining table opposite each other (but we’ve both got big screens so we actually can’t see each other during the day- which helps us not to distract each other!), and we go for evening walks. We’ve not run out of things to talk about, and things feel really happy in our little bubble.
    I’ve not yet asked about what will happen when this is over- maybe we’ll go back to living apart, maybe we won’t. But it’s a lovely, lovely thing to be happening amongst all this sadness and worry!

  50. mary says...

    I know lots of the ladies in here are home alone and maybe even dealing with a recent breakup. But I want to share my story in case it soothes a broken heart or gives hope… my boyfriend and I were two months into our relationship when the country went into lockdown. He immediately bought us two round-trip tickets to his family’s big, ancient house in the countryside where we’re quarantined with his gay dad and dad’s long-term lover. It’s a funny mix. I’m the only one with female body parts in the house. And being around each other all day long, available for cuddles, kisses, hugs, pep talks, and “Gosh, aren’t you handsome/beautiful/ravishing!” has done wonders for our relationship, reinforced what we already knew: That this is “the one”.
    There’s no right timeline. This feels natural, like living with my future husband’s family while the world is dealing with uncertainty. We are so happy, there is lots of sunshine and fresh air, and every day we eat big meals together as a family. But if I wasn’t “locked up” with the guy I adore, I’d be quarantining in my small apartment, turning out elaborate paintings, taking up knitting and papier-mâché, doing lots of yoga, and having long Facetime chats with every single member of my extended family. Happiness is possible in any context.

    Sending a hug to anyone who might need it!

    • jane says...

      Bliss. . .

    • Ellen says...

      I feel like you just gave us the plot line for a movie or BBC program – and I want to watch it!
      Best to you and your lovely quarantine-ees.

  51. Jamie says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 5 months and are “pausing” or whatever New York is calling this together. We didn’t really have a conversation about it, it just felt like the only option. I think we both feel very lucky to be spending this time together and it feels like one of the only bright spots. It’s a moment so filled with the potential for anxiety, but I’m trying to remind myself to appreciate the chance to have lunch together every day, the chance to cook, to cuddle with our (2) dogs, the chance to cuddle with each other…. it’s only day 5, so I’m sure there will be times when we get on each other’s nerves, but for now, it’s good.

  52. I feel like Americans date much slower/more casually than Brits. We tend to date exclusively and move fast. When I met my husband we moved in together after two weeks, which I admit is extreme! But to me 3-4mths is a decent time to be dating before moving in, or at least taking an extended vacation together :)

    • jane says...

      Is that because England is so expensive? or just a cultural norm? Because 3-4mths seems super fast for a radical thing like moving in together! Then again England is perhaps infinitely more culturally homogenous (while being racially diverse) due to being a small island. The US is so much more culturally diverse due to it’s enormous size that it takes much longer to know just who exactly you’re dealing with lol. Surprises abound!

    • Christine says...

      Hi Amy!
      American gal here, who also started living with my partner after two weeks of dating. This tidbit is met with shock from everyone I know, so it must be out of the “American norm”, but it felt right! 3 years and an engagement later, we’re still happy to cohabitate.

    • Christina says...

      I totally agree. Most people I know here (Sweden) either moved in together after less than six months, or broke up :-). I suppose it is different when you are in your forties and/or have children though, but in your twenties we too move a lot faster!

  53. B says...

    I had been dating my boyfriend for about 2 months when the outbreak started to affect my country, which thankfully hasn’t had to go into lock-down. We have been socially isolating since early February mostly because of my anxiety and fears surrounding meeting people during this time. We worked out an arrangement where he spends several nights with me at my family home and the rest at his. There was this particular night where I had a really intense panic attack and he calmly helped me through it from midnight to 3am, helping me check my grip strength and pacing my breathing, even though he had to head to work at 7am. Even though it’s my shortest time in a relationship thus far, I’ve never been more sure that he was the one.

  54. Anonymous says...

    I can imagine it’s hard for early relationships, but my dad is newly (and without warning) single after 50 years. He is still reeling and trying to find his balance on his own. He is quarantined, but before this, eating dinner alone was his daily dread. He was just reaching out and feeling much needed support from friends and family. My heart aches for him now that he cannot fill his days with company and activities he enjoys.

    • jane says...

      Oh wow that would be so tough! Maybe you can do daily video calls for virtual visits – and tell all his friends to do the same? I set up the Signal app for that because it is entirely encrypted for privacy and recommend it highly!

  55. C says...

    My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for 10 months, and we’re social distancing/quarantining separately. I have a roommate, and his sister who lives overseas was marooned here after they started banning travel. It’s so hard, I miss him so much, but I’m so relieved he’s safe and he’s not alone. But this feels like a very serious test, we’re in NYC and it seems ridiculous that we’re in a long distance relationship when we’re only a borough away. I’m secure in that we’re doing the right thing, but I didn’t expect to feel so sad without him.

    • jane says...

      Wondering how people who have been marooned overseas, regardless of relationship status, have been surviving? How are they financing it, where are they staying, how in the world are they doing it?

  56. Martini says...

    Lost my post.

    I’m 70. I have a mastectomy in the morning. I’m a cardiac patient and type 2 diabetic. The list goes on.

    We’re used to being alone and not going out. It’s our way of life. Baking bread and biscuits. Cooking. Tons of movies and books and tv. We’ll be okay, I hope.

    Hang in there, Everyone. Treat others as you’d like to be treated.

    • brittany says...

      Thinking of you this morning, Martini. Sending you love and hugs from Chicago.

    • Eli says...

      All the love and prayers out there for you this morning Martini! I hope that your procedure went well and you are doing okay!

    • Kate says...

      Much love to you, and that the surgery goes smoothly and your healing continues.

  57. Kristen says...

    Way to go Cup of Jo for coming up with relevant and interesting content during this weird and difficult time. I’m sure it isn’t exactly easy, but I can guess that being the empaths you are, you knew not to lead off with shopping and sales. I’m sure others might enjoy looking at new spring dresses but right now I.just.can’t. (But I also understand that those small businesses especially need your dollars right now, so if shopping is your thing, then that’s OK too!). Survival — and helping others if you’re in a position to do so – is the name of the game.

  58. lk says...

    I too am part of a 9/11 family- we had met and gone on 2 dates prior- had one date after and then he proposed….. no one wanted to be alone at the end of the world. It has been a great marriage- we have raised 2 children and 2 dogs…. or maybe they have raised us. I had nothing in common with him other than our desires to do good things for the world- no religion, not upbringing, not education, not friend groups….. It has been a work of magic- so I say take the risk, it is a worthy leap- stay together, be kind, remember how being generous feels great- and it is lovely to hold someone as you fall asleep.

  59. Janie says...

    I happily went off the pill and stopped wearing bras, thinking: Welp! I’m definitely not meeting anyone new soon.

    • Casey says...

      I laugh at myself when I instinctively reach for a bra when I’m getting dressed. Only when I have video calls now! And ONLY soft pants always.

  60. Sarah says...

    I’m dating someone – been a month. We’re both intense and deep quick people. He has two small people and a wife (who knows me). He was so keen for her to meet me, we did dinner at theirs last Saturday night. I met her and the kids in combo.

    We can’t co-habitate, bedrooms, children etc. But we’re not stopping seeing each other – I mean we saw each other upwards of 20 times in a calendar month! But we know a true lockdown might come and we’ll comply. I am currently working (essential, even in full lockdown), he’s between jobs. I remain scared in these times his wife will reverse her decision to open the marriage – but it will mean she won’t see her gf, so… it seems unlikely. But, trying times. He assures me, from his POV, he wants to keep seeing me.

  61. fay says...

    my partner and i have been together for three years. we met in college, broke up, moved cross country to the same state and rekindled, adventured, moved cross country again…and now the pandemic. we’re isolating separately to protect some immune compromised family members. i miss him dearly, but i’ve never felt so sure about us.

  62. Kamina says...

    CoJ could you bring us a post about date night ideas during Covid-19? For couples in different situations e.g. quarantined together and you’re allowed to go into your yard or to the park, quarantined together and you can’t leave the house, quarantined apart so virtual dating only.

    I’ve been trying to think of date night ideas for me and my husband (staying together, still okay to go outside). So far I’ve come up with taking a picnic rug and a laptop to a nearby grassy green area to watch a movie outdoors. Walking around the neighbourhood with hot chocolates really late at night. Ordering in fancy ingredients to cook a meal together and setting the table with lovely linens and candles. Building a fort and making popcorn to watch a movie at home. Giving each other massages and beauty treatments since all the salons and massage places are closed. I’m also keen to figure out how we can climb onto our roof for a view of the city….

    I’d love to hear more ideas from others!

    • Em says...

      An idea I had was to go through the online museum tour together! Maybe on separate laptops but next to each other so you can move/pause at your own pace but still share time looking at the famous works?

      A “chopped dinner” could be fun if you’re a competitive couple – you each get the same 5 base ingredients and you have to make something out of them (like the TV show).

    • Molly says...

      My boyfriend and I have been making fun cocktails based on whatever produce and liquor we have on hand, putting them in jars and taking them on neighborhood walks. (Yes, I know it’s technically illegal, but desperate times!). We’ve also had some dance parties and been taking baths together. Also the fun game of: how many items on our list will the grocery store have in stock today?

    • Claire says...

      Such a good idea! We’ve been focussed on the chore list since there’s more time not while we’re stuck in isolation. Only 3 days to go until we can go for a walk! (Long as they don’t enforce more strict confinement here in Toronto).
      Em has brilliant suggestions – I feel like we forgot about date nights now that we’re stuck together all the time – oops.
      We’ve been cooking lots of complicated and fun recipes! Been trying to organize a funny double date where we cook the same meal separately and then video call in for dinner and the results of who’s looks best haha.

  63. Christine says...

    My boyfriend and I have been together for 18 months. He’s a firefighter. I have three kids who are with me through quarantine and he has one who is with her mom through quarantine. We decided not to see each other until this is done. We are heartbroken. He will be continuously exposed to Covid-19 as a first responder and I need to be able to hold down my job as long as possible and take care of my kids. He also wants me to be there for my parents and his parents in case anything should happen. I’m in grief mode right now with this seeming war-like effort. And it’s so hard to be strong. I think about the women whose husbands went off to war and what they have dealt with day-by-day. At least I know he’s close and we can FaceTime, even go for walks that are 6 feet apart. But we need to be strong. Because he had a civic duty to uphold, along with all the doctors and nurses along the front lines.

    • Rusty says...

      Yes…nithing like going to physical war or leaving your country and family behind.
      Today, someone on a TV show said something about in the war, people had to leave home and country to do the battle…that all we have to do is stay inside and sit on the sofa….can it really be comparable? …Just do it!
      It does my head in that people are so precocious and say “I can’t, it’s so hard”, when really, by comparison, it. Is. Not,

    • Jess says...

      Christine, I’m sorry that the first response to this lacked some empathy. Your post made my heart hurt for you. These are challenging times; war does not have to be the war of films to hurt. Stay strong and we will all come out of this together. Sending love.

  64. Amy says...

    My daughter (16) & her boyfriend presented my husband & I & his parents an eleven slide PowerPoint presentation (complete with footnotes!) making a case for letting them shelter in place together. They made some great points & even enlisted my twelve year old son to both plead their case & offer up his trundle bed. Young love❤️ My heart hurts for them.

    • Nina says...

      oh my goodness. this is both lovely and heartbreaking.

    • Em says...

      This is so sweet. A power point! At sixteen I had never kissed anyone, let alone been in a sufficiently mature relationship to make a powerpoint in support of living together full time!

      So… did they get the green light?! (Something makes me think no… ;))

    • Sequoia says...

      That is the sweetest thing ever! I feel like I’m the only adult who remembers what that felt like. The intensity, the finality of it all. Sigh, my heart hurts for them too! Maybe the could write letters or playlists, something tangible and ephemeral for this period. The romantic in me longs for the memories they’ll make.

    • Cassie says...

      love this! my hs sweetheart have been married 9 years this year – it does happen! :)

    • Hedda says...

      That is one of the sweetest young love stories I’ve heard in these odd times!

    • Kelly says...

      I feel for them! My 17-year-old sister in law lives in a different country from her boyfriend after he moved last summer. Before, they had been visiting one weekend a month. He had to quarantine last month after a kid in his class got COVID-19, and his dad is elderly so he didn’t have anyone looking out for him. I just want to give them both big hugs. I remember the intensity of that age (I was only a year older when I met her brother, my husband!) and it just sucks for all the teens finishing their high school years, not knowing what knew adulthood will look like when this is all over.

    • Mollie Whalen says...

      What was the final answer?? Now I have to know! Sending <3 to her. I would have been devastated to be away from my HS boyfriend!

    • Mel says...

      I’ve thought about this so many times. The toll on young, young love. In high school I would have done the same thing. And in college I would have just moved to MN to be with my boyfriend (now husband) As there is NO way I would have been okay being away from him.

    • Sarah says...

      Young love ?. The most powerful dose you can get. My mom invited my boyfriend to live with us when I was 17 (he had a rough home life). We were mostly good ;). We ended up breaking up (And then he went to live with my aunt and uncle) but almost 25 years later he is still a part of our family.

    • Amy says...

      I don’t know what made me search for this thread today. Maybe starting month six in quarantine.? I am happy to report that this sweet relationship is thriving. No, we did not allow cohabitation. However, his parents & I committed to maintaining a level of quarantine we were all comfortable with (very shut down compared to many here in Austin!) so that these two can visit freely between homes. Will is the only person who has been in our home since March (even our parents go around to the back porch.) He’s a lovely seventeen year old boy & my daughter loves him dearly. We have lots of dinners together, they play tons of games & watch plenty of Netflix. At Will’s house, they do album club with his family & here they swim my younger son. I hope they stay friends forever to be able to reminisce about these bizarre times. They have been such a gift to each other as they navigate a world turned upside down. We loved reading these sweet comments. xx

  65. o says...

    my partner and i have been together for six months. the country we’re in has only really started with major restrictions this week so we haven’t had to make any decisions. i’m not sure what we’ll do. he’s a doctor so he’ll be at the hospital for a zillion hours a week while i’ll be working from home. i absolutely adore him and don’t want our relationship to be indefinitely via zoom ! we can still visit for now (we have relatively low case rate in our state at the moment/they’ve closed the borders), but it’s a hike across town with public transit and when the police start enforcing the restrictions… well, I’m not sure that this counts as “essential.”
    how did you all come to your decision? what are good questions to ask ourselves? each other?

    • Kelly says...

      Plenty of people I know who are married even are quarantining from their spouses in the medical field. It’s just such a risk. My heart hurts for you guys.

      I do have one set of friends that’s put a bin at the doorway for her scrubs and she goes right into a decontamination shower when she gets home. Good luck!

    • Kate says...

      This article, by an epidemiologist explains why it’s essential that we not “cheat” or rationalize “just once.”

      With your partner in a medical field, if the two of you meet you could also become a vector. I’m so sorry.

      https://medium.com/@jpsmithalt/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

  66. Whitney says...

    How many quarantine movies are going to be produced after this is over?!

    • Ellen says...

      Soooooooooo many!

  67. Claire says...

    This has been on my mind a lot lately! My boyfriend and I broke up at the beginning of February after a little over a year together. While we didn’t formally live together, I spent the vast majority of my time at his place and we considered ourselves to be best friends. After about 8 weeks, I’m landing on my feet again, but it goes without saying that I feel incredibly lonely. I’d finally felt like I was open to meeting someone new, but then Seattle came crashing to a halt. It’s been really difficult healing after the end of a serious relationship without having the support of friends. For others in this situation, too, I’m thinking of you.

    • Foundryandforge says...

      Funny enough, when my ex boyfriend broke up with me, he also left me with a bit of advice: “Take on something new where you can track your progress.”

      Social distancing can be so incredibly isolating already. Take care of yourself!

    • Jane says...

      Claire, I’m in the exact same situation. I had been feeling like I was really making progress and was in a better place – and then this all happens. It’s hard to feel like I’m “moving forward” when the entire world has stalled. I’m trying to just take it one day (and often one hour) at a time, but it’s hard. Hang in there – you felt better before and you’ll feel better again, I’m sure of it.

    • Sarah says...

      I ended a 2 year relationship at the end of January. He was incredibly, incredibly nice!! And that masked many things over those two years.

      Interestingly, under the circumstances, one of the reasons I ended it was because I felt that he lacked “adulting” skills (he was in his early 50s, but had the household acumen of a clueless dorm boy).

      If we went anywhere for a weekend, I would have to plan, shop, and cook – because he had never bothered to learn how (on his own, he would simply eat out for every meal). He never bothered to learn how to do a lot of things, that as an adult you need to know how to tackle. Not once, in his home was there ever anything to eat. Which is a choice! But…sometimes you’re going to need to know how to walk through a grocery store and get more than beer.

      Over the two years, on occasion there were times where I had minor emergencies (e.g. emergency major dental surgery) that would suddenly take me out of commission. Being a single parent, I couldn’t drop everything and go to bed! My network of friends and fellow school parents *immediately* knew the things I’d need help with, and stepped in (e.g. kid will need dinner, a ride to school, a packed lunch, a ride to the class party after school, etc.).

      BF was utterly clueless, and here’s the kicker: when he called to ask how I was doing, I texted him: “can’t speak, in bed, it won’t stop bleeding, have to keep spitting blood into a cup.” His reply: “why don’t I come over and drive you to the store so you can get groceries.”

      Honest to god! So I’m bleeding, and he offered to drive me half a mile down a straight road so I could walk through a grocery store, and shop…?

      He had no idea how to triage a situation and “handle” things. Which was something I finally realized: he’s the last person I’d call if there was an emergency. He’d be no help at all, and this is relationship is becoming a tiresome parent-child dynamic.

      And here we are – and it’s a huge emergency. I’m stressed enough handling my child and myself, but I’m glad that I’m not talking him through how to boil pasta over the phone.

  68. Denise Blust says...

    I literally went on a first date the weekend before we shut down. We were both intrigued, and have continued to text. It will be interesting to see what happens!

  69. A says...

    ugh I have major FOMO reading this! I would love to isolate with my boyfriend of four months, but he’s expressed the desire to take things slowly. I can’t imagine a pandemic would change that, so I didn’t even ask.

    That’s alright though! It’s the right thing for our relationship.

    • P says...

      I have major FOMO too! My boyfriend of two years and I briefly considered sheltering-in-place together, but we concluded that it would be impossible for either of us to focus on working from home while staying at the other person’s place. We also both have housemates whom we didn’t want to leave alone. Our stay-at-home order was originally set to last for three weeks, and now that it has been extended indefinitely, part of me regrets our decision, although part of me is also glad I’m not stuck indefinitely in someone else’s apartment! I’m so interested in how different couples are handling this.

  70. Sarah says...

    Is there an article out there of how to co-parent/live in the same house while going through a divorce during a pandemic? Asking for a friend ??‍♀️

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that sounds really hard! i’m curious to hear what readers say…

    • Allana says...

      My ex and I lived together for 3 Months with the kids after our marriage ended, about 2 months after telling the kids. It was rough, but if you can keep it friendly for the kids it pays off long term, I promise!

      Trading off evenings and taking a very long bath, reading alone, etc. when it isn’t your evening to parent is key.

      And finally, therapy. I went for a year and a half after until I didn’t want to do terrible things to him. Now we are close friends. I was able to really do the work to figure out what I want my life to feel like, what my priorities are, and let go of any resentment.

    • CM says...

      My husband and I had started talking about possibly separating, and the experience of continuing to live together has been a mixture of familiar and reassuring mixed with awkwardness and loneliness. I’m not sure what will happen after this is over…

    • R says...

      My husband of 12 years was scheduled to move out right when we needed to shelter in place. Now he is here, all the time and it’s so painful to see other families having dance parties and movie nights on social media when we are having the saddest time.

    • Oh, man, this sounds like so much. I don’t know of such a post, but I just wanted to offer up some internet counselling time, in case you don’t have that kind of support. I’m offering free and PWYC video counselling during the pandemic, and I work a lot in supporting parents, children, and relationships. Anyway, I feel strange posting this here but my heart just leapt into my throat when I saw your post. So, no pressure, just an offer. Plus, I know, privacy – who even has that anymore?!

    • Anita Warnick says...

      I’ve been looking for articles of advice too. We are not divorced but separated for a year. I’m high risk ( immune compromised) passing the kids back and forth with their dad. Anyone he comes in contact with increases my risk of getting infected. We agreed to keep as a family unit, and designated him as the person to go get essentials for both homes. He started dating a woman 2 weeks ago, they’ve known each other one month. He wants to keep seeing her physically- I feel like its too risky. He said he would stop seeing her, then lied and saw her anyway. I don’t know what to do.

    • Casey says...

      This has to be so hard. I’m just about six months past my official divorce but over a year of clearly communicated about the end of our marriage.

      Two suggestions for things to try. (We lived together for almost 9 months after we agreed to divorce). Each of you should find your own space in the house to carve out that’s your “own.” If you are able to communicate, work on developing goals that are based around the kids.

      And two things I would suggested you do not do. Do not engage in divorce detail planning conversations. Let those continue to go through the lawyer. And find someone other than your partner for your emotional support. And I can only imagine how hard the second one would be. Even though I know mine was the right decision, as soon as this hit, I was overwhelmed with feelings and questions wondering why I went through with the divorce because then at least SOMEONE would be around now….

      Best of luck. Divorce is hard without a global pandemic forcing us to quarantine inside our homes.

    • Maryann Moore says...

      Hey Sarah – I didn’t separate from my partner during a pandemic… but there were a few months when we were in the same house post-separation. My only good advice is to take turns being the “parent on duty.” That person does the cooking, child care (good and bad), and household management. It will get you, and your kid(s), used to looking to both parents for guidance, and prevent the type of conflicts that arise from differences in parenting approaches. Also, take long walks.

      Good luck. It’ll all be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.

    • Sarah says...

      Thank you guys ?. I love this sweet little community. I think the hardest part is we have fallen back into our old roles (me the cook, cleaning lady, working the “2nd shift” and him the fun dad. And all of the old wounds are opening up). We have been doing it a year and it’s worked fairly well bc he is an airline pilot and travels 1/2 the month. And when he’s home i usually stay with friends or travel. But his flights so far have been cancelled so he’s just home. Nice to have the extra hands and him not exposing us to germs. But aside from going for runs alone we have been together 24/7. I have my therapy session Monday via Zoom ??

      Love to everyone going through difficult times, especially within their home life ???

    • Rusty says...

      ANITA … You get the kids. He still does the shopping and leaves it at the door. He doesn’t get it both ways – he’s being selfish to the extreme. This is literally about your life!
      I’m also one of the 4% vulnerable and he is endangering you.

  71. Margaret says...

    My husband and I started dating about 6 weeks before 9/11 in NYC. My neighborhood downtown was shut down so I essentially moved in with him unexpectedly. We’ve been together almost 19 years, married for 12, 2 kids, now live in SF and quarantined with our little family. We’ve always said going through that intense time early on really impacted our relationship (for the positive) and how things developed from there. Sending love to everyone whoever you are with or not with at this time.

  72. MJ says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for nine months, and we’re quarantining at his house. We’ve developed a good little routine. I stay at his house and head back to apartment (or as I now call it, “my office”) to work, and then come back over in the evening. My roommate decided to quarantine at her parent’s house, so I am beyond grateful to have my boyfriend (and his housemates!)…I can’t imagine going through this alone.

    Still, we’re young (only 24) and it does feel like our relationship has gotten fast forwarded all of a sudden. I have friends who have been in relationships for years, and still won’t quarantine with their partner, which makes me question if we’re moving too fast for our age? Nonetheless, we’ve made it clear that if one of us needs a night off, we’ll let the other know. But that has yet to happen. Taking it day-by-day and happy to have him by my side!

    • Owl says...

      I married my husband 23 years ago. We dated for 4 months and were engaged for 2. (We had known each other as friends for a period of 8 years prior to that, but lived in different provinces and years would go by without us seeing each other). We’re still a happily married couple! Lol. So, I guess IF it’s the right person, it’ll be fine!

    • Owl says...

      Just to clarify, I don’t mean to undermine the current situation in anyway, or the challenges it must bring to courtship. All I am trying to say is… don’t worry. For some people, dating for years might feel right… but it doesn’t mean relationships that move faster (for whatever reason) can’t work out amazingly well!

    • Kate says...

      I think sometimes being young makes it easier for relationships to move quickly because there are often just not as many variables to adjust within your lives and you are not “set in your ways” so to speak. My husband (of 20 years) and I met when we were 19, and were immediately inseparable. We were engaged within two months. Moving quickly is not inherently wrong or damaging to a relationship as long as you do what feels right to you!

    • Jules says...

      I agree. If things feel right and good then they are right and good. Try not to focus on the bad or expectations because of what others think is right for them. I would rather spend a shelter in place with a new boyfriend and all the fun that brings than a more isolated experience anyday! You’ll get to learn how you feel about each other (maybe a little quicker) and theres nothing wrong with that.

  73. Sarah says...

    I’ve been thinking of this, how hard it might be for a single person to practice social distancing alone. Most people don’t think of single adults as a demographic requiring support and that seems unfair.

    • Noelle says...

      I obviously can’t speak for all single people (and maybe I’m actually the weirdo here!), but I am currently single and am SO GRATEFUL that this means I get to quarantine alone. I know myself, and I know I would be incredibly stressed out and on edge if I had to quarantine with roommates, family, or a partner. It would just be too much for me, and I would quickly lose my mind. I am much better off being in my peaceful apartment by myself and FaceTiming with friends and family.

    • Jenna says...

      I thought this too. All three of my siblings are single and live alone (I am married with 3 kids) and I was so worried for them to be alone during this. They all decided to go quarantine at my parents’ house and now I’m jealous! ? But man I feel for those who don’t have that option.

    • Joanna says...

      I’m in a long distance relationship and not near any family I can bunk with. I’m living alone through this and while I typically love my deeply independent life, I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for a week because I can’t touch anyone. I just want to hold a hand, or fall into a long hug, or simply brush by someone on the street but alas, I can’t.

    • Katie says...

      I think about this a lot. A few of my close friends are single and we’re all 40ish. A couple of them are very social/always out.

      We’ve had virtual happy hours.

      I text.

      I’m also sending care packages from a local store still operating to hopefully brighten their day. That feels like a double win, support a local business and make someone smile.

    • Penny says...

      I’m 25 and quarantining alone. My long-distance boyfriend is stuck where he is, so I can’t see him for the foreseeable future. My roommate moved back in with her parents for the quarantine.

      It’s been both easier and harder than I thought it would be. I haven’t fallen into too many bad habits, and I’m kind of grateful my roommate left because we have a tiny apartment and this way I’m able to fully focus on myself and getting myself through this situation. If she was still here, she would probably stress me out because I don’t think she would be handling it well. And this way I can set up the apartment the way that’s most conducive for me at this time.
      It’s been key for me to go outside every day (while I still can) and also to talk to someone on the phone every day. Otherwise it can be a while without having had human interaction…

      But I really miss physical contact, and sometimes when I skype with friends who live together I’m so envious of them I could cry. I also realized how lonely it is to do everything for myself, all the time. The other day I was super comfortable on the couch, and almost cried because my roommate wasn’t there for me to ask if she could get me a cup of water while she was in the kitchen. In that sense I miss feeling taken care of, and I miss feeling bonded to someone.

  74. H says...

    My 5 month long relationship came to an end just as sheltering in place was beginning. It’s challenging dealing with the loss along with the isolation, unable to do the things I would usually do to pull myself up. Given the magnitude of what is going on in world, I know my own little heartbreak is a tiny drop in the bucket. Fortunately I am able to work from home, so there’s that. Grateful for these online tendrils that keep us all connected, even if in a virtual way.

    • Anja says...

      your heartbreak is just as valid as everyone elses and the crazy/surreal thing is that all the other heartbreaks, the pain, the little losses and the big losses, they are all still happening while in this newly born parallel universe we have to worry about things most of us never had to worry about before. I hope your heart heals and when things have calmed down, I hope you will find someone who is kind and good and makes you laugh. You deserve it.

    • M says...

      Oh I feel you. I broke up from a relationship of six months just the week before my country “shut down”. But it feels almost like a blessing in disguise, because for such a long time prior I had struggled with all the thoughts and processes leading up to the break up; And now, instead of dealing with the “aftermath” of loneliness, grief and possible regrets etc, there is something MUCH BIGGER going on that completely takes away focus from the break up and I find that so relieving. And to have all this time alone also seems to be very healing… Take care, H!

  75. Renee says...

    I’d been dating a guy for six weeks when self isolating started to be encouraged in my city (was that only two weeks ago??). We both live alone but are within biking distance of one another, so we’ve chosen to continue visiting each other (and only each other!) once a week, and talking on the phone every day in between. There’s nothing like living through an incredibly anxious time together to clarify feelings, is there? It’s encouraged us to communicate better, to be more honest about our feelings, to talk more about the future. But usually I’d avoid this at all costs at the beginning of a relationship: isolating myself from friends and family and ONLY seeing my boyfriend! I think things are going faster than they usually would. A lot of my friends are in new relationships right now and are finding that their relationships are getting intense faster than they normally would too! We’ve started calling the phenomenon Love in the Time of Covid-19.

    • Sarah says...

      Thanks for sharing this. I have been seeing someone every week or so since January, and last week, after we’d both been self isolating completely and working from home, I went over to his place for the evening, then returned to full self-isolation. I told a friend (in an email) that I’d seen him, and she gave me a hard time for it, even though both she and her husband are still going into the office, and her kids are still in a day home. It felt really unfair that I, as a single person, was expected to be fully quarantined when many others are not. I understand the importance of flattening the curve, and knew that would be the last time I would have real human contact for weeks if not months, but sometimes I’m not sure others get the double standard that exists for people living alone. I am glad you are able to have that time with your new partner.

  76. Jane says...

    I’ve been seeing someone for about 3 months and while we are super smitten we are definitely not seeing each other until all this is over. I have my kids at least 50% of the time, and he hasn’t met them yet. Also, he has two autoimmune diseases and is a total germaphobe (rightly so), is he is most comfortable just hanging alone right now. It has been a struggle emotionally-we both got laid off last week, and I just want to cry on someone’s shoulder. Alas, we will wait and it will feel oh so good to touch each other again :)

  77. Molly says...

    My boyfriend moved into my house the exact day our city, Los Angeles shut down! LITERALLY THAT SAME DAY he was unloading his desk and bed off a van.

    My boyfriend and I are about to celebrate our one year anniversary. A couple months before all this started, we talked about moving in together–getting our own place or him moving in with me and my roommate while we save money and look for the perfect new home? The process moved slowly until it didn’t.

    What we thought would be a temporary stint of him, me, and my roommate living together has turned into Three’s Company: Quarantine Style. It’s beyond wild to adjust to newly living together while having no routine or outside social life. Date nights are now long walks around the neighborhood with wine or cocktails in hand.

    • Sarah says...

      My boyfriend and I started dating early January. When we heard of the lockdowns in Italy at the end of February, we kinda jokingly said: if it comes to this in Belgium, we’ll go in lockdown together. Only 2 weeks later, it wasn’t a joke anymore, but reality. I brought my laptop and a bag of clothes and toiletries, and here I am, day 12 of our lockdown at his apartment and things are fine. I think the secret is to still do some little things by yourself, like go for a walk or grocery shopping. We cook nice dinners, watch movies and read books. I am so very very grateful to have him by my side in these strange times. I figure: if we can do this together, we can do anything together.

  78. ks says...

    we’ve been together a little over a year but just moved in together recently & this has changed our relationship because i went from traveling most weeks or not at home to being at home together all day. pre-COVID-19 we did weekly date nights of exploring fun things in our city coupled with solo nights as well as girls | boys nights out and i’ve hit that wall of it all looking a little the same. not complaining, just asking for some spice in my life & ideas to help me get there. any advice for dating in an apartment? date nights at home ideas? ie – how to keep the spark when there is 500 square feet between us & all the mystery of the man has gone out the window. xx

    • Maeve says...

      – Look at ‘would you rather’ lists online and read out interesting ones as you go
      – look up silly couple’s yoga poses
      – count something you can see out your window, like tally the different colors of cars, or get to recognize the birds by sight and song
      – Compare vein patterns. See how far you can follow them.
      – draw outlines of states or countries or the whole world, without looking at a map (or with your eyes closed)
      – memorize world capitals
      – pick a dance to learn
      – brainstorm dating profiles for people you both know

  79. Jackie says...

    What a timely thread. I’ve been dating someone for just over a month and we are trying to figure out what is the best thing to do. We aren’t seeing others, only going to the grocery store 1x/week, and yet it feels like we should just be alone in our respective apartments. It’s a scary time for sure.

  80. Allyson says...

    I’m newly dating someone (like 3 dates in newly). Honestly? I don’t know if we’ll make it through this. It feels really hard to pour into a relationship with someone who you can’t see for the foreseeable future. I find myself over-analyzing everything (hello heightened anxiety). It’s hard to tell what is corona-anxiety and this-isnt-working anxiety. And there isn’t that spark or butterflies that you get knowing that you’ll see them for another date soon.

  81. Jenny says...

    My boyfriend of 6 months and I broke up the day before my office closed (March 4th in Seattle). At first, I was extra bummed to be newly alone during social distancing/self isolation/stay at home or whatever you want to call it – BUT I am so so glad I did not have to bunker down with him! We live in tiny apartments in the city (mine is 400 sq ft, no outside space), and I’m working full time. It would’ve been awful! Now I don’t have to share my snacks, can keep whatever schedule I want, and can watch whatever I want :)

  82. Sarah says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 4 months and live in the Twin Cities. About two weeks ago we went to a bustling restaurant for dinner and I was like, “What should we do if we do have to quarantine?” and had a pretty intense, and what seemed liked very hypothetical, discussion about the possibility. The next day we had to enact our plan, and three days later all restaurants were closed! It is such an ever-evolving situation and we are just taking it day by day. The first week we tried to both work from my apartment and spend basically 24 hours a day together, which was great for him because his job is more relaxed and he saw it as hanging out all day but hard for me, because I couldn’t get any work done. This week we have both been working at our respective apartments (he lives with two roommates who have both moved out because they were graduate students) and seeing (only) each other in the evenings. This has really fast tracked our relationship because we are now sharing expenses (groceries, supplies, etc.) and spending so much more time together as we are essentially living together. But there has been really sweet moments too–we are trying to still have special nights like we would before this, just at home! We made a fake restaurant at my apartment last night that served our leftovers as small plates which was a laugh. But, I am trying to just take it day by day and reminding myself that most of the hardships we are having right now are coronavirus/quarantine hardships and not red flags for our future, just to keep anxiety in check and keep our relationship as our safe harbor.

    • S says...

      Fellow Twin Cities reader here. As a front line health care worker I just want to say thank you so much for doing the right thing for our community! You sound like a lovely couple.

  83. Sarah K says...

    I started seeing my guy – Kirk – about two weeks before all the seriousness set in here in my city. He already lives an hour and a half away from me out in the country compared to my city so we were already kind of doing a long distance thing. Now we’re being socially distant while trying to stay connected. That just means a lot of texts and phone calls right now, and maybe soon the occasional Skype chat. I already had told him that I wanted to take things slowly and thankfully he’s on the same page as me, but I can’t help but feel like the gravity of our current world has put a little bit of a nudge on us to be serious and open with our communication and what we want. I’m just glad that I met him at the right time. His optimism and pragmatism is definitely helpful for a worry-wart like me!

  84. Martha says...

    I’ve been talking to a guy for a couple weeks, and we aren’t quarantining together. Having the distance is sort of making me realize that I’m okay with not dating right now – it really adds to my stress level!!!!

  85. A. M. says...

    In 2017 I had known my current guy for about 5 months and we’d been slowly getting to know each other. Then the Saturday morning that Hurricane Harvey hit I was supposed to fly out for a work conference. He texted me that when my flight got cancelled, to bring a bag and my dog over to his house and we spent the next 6 days together. Now, this was not for weeks on end like this quarantine, but I honestly look back at that time together so fondly because we had nowhere to be, no one looking for us, and we really talked and learned about each other in a very concentrated but stress-free way. It’s weird sometimes that my experience of a devasting hurricane that flooded my city was so personally great while so many others’ was awful, but especially right now – i’m a silver linings kind of girl.

  86. K says...

    It’s so interesting to hear how people are handling dating during quarantine. I’m experiencing something quite the opposite to what I had imagined. When discussing where to stay in isolation with my long-term boyfriend, he revealed that he’d actually rather break up. So now I’m navigating the feelings of loneliness and anxiety, that I’m sure so many of us are feeling right now (in relation to what’s going on in the world), in addition to heartbreak and loss. I also started a new job last week, which I’m so grateful for in this current climate but it certainly feels tough trying to form bonds with my new co-workers online, as we’re all working from home. We’ve finally gone into lockdown in the UK and the uncertainty of what lies ahead is scary. I’m trying to stay positive but honestly finding it hard right now. Feeling grateful for this community and the stories it shares, which always remind me of the kindness and good in the world.

    • Kara says...

      Heart break is THE worst. Sending you love and hoping you’ll take time out to google funny TP memes. Hopefully the next guy is “quarantine worthy!” :)

    • Lindsay says...

      Sending love and hugs! We are all here for you.

    • Jill says...

      Urgh, that sounds tough K. Hang in there x

    • M says...

      I’m so sorry K. I know exactly how you feel. Three years ago, my long term boyfriend broke up with me a few days before Trump was inaugurated while I was living in DC. I remember how bleak the world felt, how strange my city felt, and how sad I felt. But time passed, spring came & everything looked up. Thinking of you and sending you all the good vibes. <3

    • Emily says...

      Congratulations on your new job! I remotely started a new job last week too, and I feel you with the mix of gratitude and stress. It’s tough to join an organization when everyone is in a period of transition and uncertainty. Wishing you good luck!

    • val says...

      Hang in there K. I’m sure there are so many people in your same situation right now suffering through some kind of loss, and now faced with this. As cruddy as that is, knowing we’re not alone always makes me feel a little better.

  87. Lucy says...

    It’s a very unique privilege to discover what being retired with someone would like after less than 5 months together. T travels a lot for work so I’m used to seeing him on weekends, maybe once during the week if it works out in our schedules. 3 weeks ago we had a big fight and I thought it was over but he forgave me and we stayed together. 12 days ago when the fight was still pretty fresh we went for out “last supper” out, back when it all felt surreal and no one knew exactly what this social distancing was going to entail, or how quickly the virus would spread. We made the decision to quarantine together, so I brought my dog and a couple of bins of clothes and toiletries to T’s place. We have been cooking lots, going for runs, watching TV, getting high (neither of us had in ages before this), playing Scrabble, doing push ups, and getting to know each other so deeply and intimately. We haven’t had a single fight and have kept very open lines of communication. The greatest joy has been watching Harvey, my cockapoo, and T fall in love with each other. They were friendly before, but multiple times a day T tells Harve, “I don’t know what I’d do without you” and refers to him as “our dog”. I was pretty sure he was the one before, but now we are openly talking about the life we’re going to build together. When this is over the hardest thing will be waiting a socially acceptable amount of time to get married, because the way I see it is if we can make it through this we can make it through anything.

    • Meredith says...

      Forget “socially acceptable amount of time” to get married! If this pandemic proves anything, it is that life is short and the future is uncertain! If you know you know, why wait? (lol speaking as someone who married her husband 11 months to the day after their first Bumble date ;) Don’t put off the first day of the rest of your life just you think other people think you should :)

    • Anon says...

      Listen to Meredith!

  88. Emily says...

    Went on an incredible first date having been chatting for weeks, almost a week to the day before things got really serious here in the UK. So much chemistry and such a solid connection. But I’m probably going to be self isolated for 12 weeks as I have asthma and he’s an essential worker so isn’t even in lockdown! Oh also we live an hour and a half away from each other (hilarious to now think that we thought that would be our main obstacle)! No idea how to navigate this and keep it fun and exciting, whilst also dealing with the anxiety of daily life… let’s just say I’m very grateful that I broke my own rule and kissed on the first date!

  89. Nicole says...

    My boyfriend and I have been dating 6 months. We moved in together (into my dream duplex!) after 4 months. In 6 short months, we’ve had a death in the family, a new job, a move and a pandemic. I mean….

    We’d proactively gone to couples counseling as a stipulation for moving in together and the skills we learned have been so helpful. Some moments have been very sweet and others, not so cute. Sending love to everyone!

  90. M says...

    It’s so helpful to read about all of the different ways we’re experiencing this pandemic- it’s not easy for anyone, and we’re all doing our best to get by.

    I’m wondering if anyone else out there is dealing with a relationship that was already struggling before the coronavirus? We were already so strained and distant and possibly moving towards separation, and now we’re both in the apartment 24/7. We had been leaning on friends and our local community before this, and spending as much time as possible out of the house, away from each other.

    Any advice for people who are now spending more time at home with a partner but wish they could be alone?

    • Karyn says...

      So sorry to hear, M. I was dealing with this during 9/11. A much shorter time period, but it definitely sped up our separation once the city was finding its feet again. We were initially (well, and eternally!) so grateful the other was okay, but the enforced togetherness afterwards was tough. We used the time to start dividing and packing our belongings :/

    • Sarah says...

      That’s not my situation, and it does sound tough. I feel like there are two approaches and maybe you can try a pinch of both. The first would be to identify ways to get space away from each other – like making a sitting room in your bedroom, or scheduling absorbing activities like calls with friends or an online yoga class. And then the second would be to implement couples counseling type advice – even if you don’t want to stay together, small gestures to civil and kind interactions could help a lot. (I’ve learned that these don’t need both people to buy in – sometimes small gestures from one person can shift the dynamic a bit). I hope you find some peace in this.

    • Eloise says...

      You are so not alone. No advice to offer, other than podcasts and headphones, but thought you should know you aren’t alone! Be as kind to yourself/each other as you can. Hang in there.

    • cass says...

      Have you watched Brenee Browns Netflix special called A Call to Courage? My partner and I watched it together and (after 15 years) it changed how we talk to each other, and relate in our most hard and tense moments. It’s not a magic bullet, but it was a helpful and powerful tool in shifting perspective. Of course not every relationship will evolve into a next iteration that feels right to continue, but this weird, hard moment could possibly serve as an inflection point for the relationship? Alternately- make agreements on who uses what space at what times to be able to have some boundaries where you feel like you have a comfortable space. I’ve been spending my time focusing intently on small positive or lovely things- while there is a lot in my life that is not positive or lovely- so every day I take a long long walk and listen to a podcast that isn’t political or scary (Dolly Parton’s America has my attention right now) and I take photos of the gorgeous flowers in my neighborhood and I send them to my friends all over the country to bring them some joy too. I’ve been sending people Virtual Care Packages with fun links, photos, stories, etc. I find when I’m focusing so much on small tasks I stay present and focusing so myopically on fun and good things keeps my head out of the bad and scary. So much heart to you, that sounds challenging.

  91. Bridget says...

    We all need this storyline!!!

  92. Ellie says...

    I have been dating my guy for about 6 months. But we live in DC and his job has a security clearance meaning he can’t work from home if he doesn’t have dedicated private space. And I have a cat that I’m not willing to leave so he would have to come to my place. Plus I have a roommate and he doesn’t… it’s tough. We’re still in each others’ “germ bubble” but not living together. When we go to full lockdown, we’ll probably decide to go “short distance-long distance” relationship :( It’s not great.

  93. Isabelle says...

    Yes! Totally decided to go for it. After 5 months of pretty consistently seeing each other, it just made sense. He is such a creative person and luckily his family lives very close to me, so we have created a little routine as well – cooking mostly at home, while visiting his parents for meals here and there. We’ve found a good routine and it’s made our relationship stronger. Our communication is at an all time high and we’ve taken on some projects together: he’s always helping me improve my studio. Though the space is small, we hung a surfboard with a rack we made from scratch and he helped me put lights over my front patio. We wanted to build a hot tub from scratch but decided it was too much money especially while not being able to work during quarentine, but it’s on the list of projects!

  94. Simona Morachioli says...

    I have been dating for 3 years (!), only seeing each other during the weekends due to my consultancy – nomad life. When the quarantine stroke in Italy, I had to choose what to do and we decided to stay together. I am working long hours from home, sill it is so nice to be together every day. It makes the situation much more positive and enjoyable. we will forever remember that we shared this difficult time, I like this thought as well.

  95. Sadie says...

    I’ve been “talking” to a co-worker and we just mutually agreed we’d like to pursue a relationship that’s more than friends (squee!) when we got a stay at home order. It’s hard to wait to get to the more than friends part and I daydream about what it’d be like, but it’s such a comfort to have the promise of better times on the horizon. We’re talking a lot, watching the same shows to discuss, and making future plans to look forward to. We’ve known each other for nearly 4 years so what’s the harm of a few more weeks or months :)

    • Sara says...

      Keep us posted, Sadie! Can’t wait to hear about your happy ever after. :)

    • kiki says...

      this seriously sounds like the beginning of a movie!! keep us posted for real :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s so exciting, sadie! there are going to be fireworks when you can see each other again :)

  96. Ally says...

    I just started dating my guy 2 and a half weeks ago – literally right before the outbreak in my state. The connection between the two of us was instant, and wonderfully intense! He’s really involved in some R&D for his company in response to the pandemic, so the seriousness of the situation has been palpable from the start. It has made the time we’ve spent together so light, fun, and precious! Now that our city is on full lock down, we are working on figuring out how to keep things progressing while living apart. The situation has certainly sped up some aspects of the relationship, and we’re hoping to have the chance to find out where things could go!

  97. K says...

    On day 12 of self-isolating with my 2 kids (4 and 7) and my girlfriend of 7 months (who lives 2 hours away but is living here as of 12 days ago and working from home). I am also working from home and honestly it’s damn near impossible. My kids aren’t her kids so she doesn’t have to drop everything she’s doing and get a snack (all the snacks). I would not say that it’s helped our relationship…. it’s tough. We talk about trying to be intentional with our time and how to connect but I think kids just add an element that takes any fun romantic stuff out of the equation.

    • California Mom says...

      I’m a single mom and if I was dating a man with kids, I’d be helping out a little bit because I cared and loved him. I’m using my quarantine time to evaluate my life and the people I allow into it. This is a time to come together as a couple… and don’t see your kids as a non romantic issue. Maybe looking at the fact that your lady friend doesn’t have an interest in helping you out with the little ones. That would be romantic if she did.

    • A says...

      Hi K,
      I’m in a similar boat. My girlfriend and I have been dating for two years. I’m a single mom of two teenage boys. She doesn’t have children and is used to a much more self-centered, organized way of life. On top of that, we nearly broke up in the fall, but instead we decided to stay together and “take it slow”. Now we’re in quarantine together with my children, and it ain’t exactly roses and buttercups. We’ll certainly survive living together during this crisis, but this is not quite the “sign” that we’re ready to cohabitate, as
      I’d hoped. I’d love to follow up and see how this turns out for you two. Good luck!

  98. ZM says...

    My boyfriend and I went on a date in early November and by New Years we were introducing each other to our families. We’ve been dating for around 4 months in New York and have probably been seeing each other 5 days out of every week. But! We are both from the West Coast so when the social distancing started we both returned to our respective hometowns in Seattle & Portland to help out our parents. We’ve been carefully isolating with our families but we are dying to see each other. At the same time we don’t want to compromise the rest of our families’ health by introducing one more person into the germ bubble. Facetiming has helped but there have been moments when we both just want someone else to hold on to. Thinking of all the other separated new lil lovebirds out there <3

    • Kate says...

      Thank you for being responsible and not seeing each other right now. My elderly parents live in downtown Seattle, and I live in Portland. “Just once” does expose so many people.

      This is a great article by an epidemiologist on why we have to be steadfast about not “cheating” with social distancing. Not for “just one playdate” or “just one glass of wine with a friend”

      https://medium.com/@jpsmithalt/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

  99. Marie says...

    Been together just over a year and are quarantining together at his place. We decided every evening after work is finished we get 1.5-2 hours of alone time to do whatever we want solo. I’ve been going into his room to read or facetime with a girlfriend – he’ll go on a run or putz around with video games. It’s beneficial for us! At 7 pm I emerge and we are ready for ‘together time’ – dinner, tv/movie, popcorn, before bed. :)

    • Christina says...

      This is so proactive and smart!

  100. Rebekah says...

    Just to be clear, social distancing and quarantine are two different things. From hopkinsmedicine.org
    Social Distancing: Working from home instead of at the office, Closing schools or switching to online classes, Visiting loved ones by electronic devices instead of in person, Cancelling or postponing conferences and large meetings
    Quarantine: Using standard hygiene and washing hands frequently, Not sharing things like towels and utensils, Staying at home
    Not having visitors, Staying at least 6 feet away from other people in your household

    • Christina says...

      Hey Rebekah, thanks for this explanation. I hadn’t heard it before. To be clear though, this article is talking about couples isolating together, staying at one of their homes, not having visitors. So wouldn’t that be quarantining?

    • Anne says...

      To clarify, social distancing is what everyone is asked to do (e.g. stay home except to get groceries). Quarantining is what people who may have been exposed are asked to do (e.g. stay home and don’t even go get groceries).

      I don’t think the difference is that significant except for this pettiest reason: I’m in self-quarantine because I was in France the week before last, but everyone is using the word ‘quarantine’ so casually that it completely dilutes the drama of me ACTUALLY being in quarantine!! My internal attention whore is so disappointed.

      Again, pettiest

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      haha, thank you for clarifying, anne!

    • nadine says...

      Thank you Rebekah for the definitions! I think it’s important to specify the difference. Christina, as far as I understand, when you’re social isolating you still can go get groceries (in Italy they recommend to only go once a week), to the pharmacy, going for a walk alone keeping the right distance (the last one depending on the laws in place in your area). While if you’re in quarantine you need to avoid any interaction and just stay home. So if you need groceries you’ll get them delivered in front of your front step, no groceries trips. I hope this helps!

  101. Britt says...

    Any thoughts on dating and trying to meet new people during this? What are you all doing for quarandates?

    • Kate says...

      Please. Please, please, please don’t go meet people.

      The more that people mix together in person right now the longer this is going to last.

      This is written by an epidemiologist, on why we need to be so vigilant about this now:
      https://medium.com/@jpsmithalt/hold-the-line-17231c48ff17

    • Katie says...

      Kate I could be wrong but I don’t think she is talking about seeing people in person, but about “meeting” people in the broader sense (likely online) and dating when you can’t actually see each other or go out.

      I’m also in the camp of single people who have now been put into an weird apocalyptic dating pool and gotta say, have the same question. Online dating feels futile when you have no idea when you would get to see someone in person.

    • K says...

      Not trying to meet new people right now. Loneliness is tough, but it’s irresponsible to risk additional encounters when we need distance to stop the spread throughout our societies. There’s plenty of time to work on ourselves, so that we can each have better relationships or dates after confinements are lifted.

    • Maddy says...

      I am curious as well, Brittany!

      I’m a singleton on the dating sites right now, and my experience has definitely been interesting so far. I feel like there’s less pressure, if that makes any sense? There’s this sense of straightforwardness that I hope continues after the Coronavirus situation. I can genuinely say I don’t hate it! And talking with new people during this time also takes your mind off of things a little bit, AND tells you who is actually interested beyond just wanting to hook up. LOL

    • Britt says...

      I should have clarified – all virtual meetups. Wouldn’t risk my health or anyone else’s. I meant my question in the context of virtually meeting with other people and trying to get to know them, given that we can’t give each other a date to meet in person and my ideas for virtual dates are rather limited :)

    • Ramya says...

      I met someone (through Tinder) right before the shutdown and we went on one date IRL. We’ve been virtually dating now! Had a fun one last week where we shared playlists in advance, did horoscope readings and played Truth or Dare. It’s fun to get creative, though let’s see how long we can keep this up! Also,this: https://www.wsj.com/articles/coronavirus-makes-dating-a-lot-more-complicated-11584899750

  102. robin says...

    This is really sweet! I met a guy on Hinge just before our town got more serious about distancing measures and we’ve been a few far-apart walks. But there’s been an undercurrent of anxiety that has kind of killed the buzz. I’ve decided to keep swiping and am interested to see how things will progress. Wish us singletons luck, it’s tough in here!

  103. Pen says...

    Not newly dating, but my boyfriend and I had just decided to enter premarital counseling when all this unfolded. We’re still planning on doing so afterward–but we’re pretty sure spending six weeks (or more?) locked in together will be as telling as the counseling!

    • Julie says...

      You can still do your couples counseling via teletherapy! I am a therapist and continue to work with my clients over secure and HIPAA compliant platforms (not a plug just sharing this possibility). It’s a little clunky at first but our rhythm syncs after a few minutes each session and I’m so glad to be able to offer continuity and support to my clients now more than ever.