Have a Lovely (Long) Weekend.

flowers

Happy Valentine’s weekend! What are you up to? I’m going on a dinner date with six-year-old Anton, who mentioned the other day that he wants some one-on-one time. I’ve been looking forward to it so much. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

The best advertisement.

Love this article about our shared workspace. (Come join us, if you’re looking for a spot!)

What? Not everyone has an internal monologue!

These fake excuses for flaking on plans made me laugh.

What a beautiful poem.

$0 trick to make any bottle of wine taste better.

Amaaaazing places to sleep around the world. (New York Times)

Who wants some no-bake lime cheesecake?

Golden retriever doing okay after Westminster loss.

A same height party seems kind of fascinating.

Cannot wait to read this book.

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Lydia on a date night top: “I work in the apparel industry and went to a conference where the speaker said something that really struck me — the U.S. is one of the few places where the social norms dictate we wear a completely different outfit every day. When you think about this, it is a bit bonkers.”

Says Jamie on the anxiety of new parenthood: “I never really had anxious thoughts until I became a mom. For the first 6 months, I woke up every night panicking that I had lost our daughter in our duvet cover…except that she has never slept in our bed.”

(Photo by @yasminemei. Friends Work Here article via Swissmiss.)

Note: If you buy something through our links, we may earn an affiliate commission, at no cost to you. We recommend only products we genuinely like. Thank you so much.

  1. Joanna says...

    The comment from Lydia regarding the social norms of american clothing is so spot on! I remember how baffled I was the first time I went to china and saw people wearing the same outfit multiple days in a row. But then I realised that washer/dryers are not super common in homes so it makes sense!
    Now that I’m pregnant I have one pair of jeans, three pairs of leggings and probably ten tops that I rotate through. I’m totally over buying maternity clothes because it seems so wasteful when I’ll only wear them a few more months, so I’m not buying anymore. This has really hit home the beauty and simplicity of a capsule or minimalist wardrobe.

  2. I hear you, Jamie. I used to check my daughter’s breathing while she slept. I used to be scared if I overslept. Maybe we fear we overslept or something! Those are lovely flowers, Joanna. I hope you had a great dinner with Anton. As Maria said, I would love to know the dressing norms around the world.

  3. Maria says...

    I would love a whole post on the social norms of dressing around the world. Like many other readers, I was really struck by this. I recently bought two pairs of the same black pants because they fit so well and I can just get by on those plus maybe jeans for the work week. I also struggle with shoes. I love how some women have different shoes for different outfits, but I have a lot of trouble finding one pair of dressy shoes or boots to wear for work, much less 3 or 4. This really is eye opening in light of recently wanting to reduce what I own, consume and spend. It seems it would just free up so much head space and actual time not thinking about what to wear.

  4. The Analog House says...

    As a “vertically challenged” person, I don’t even bother trying to talk to people at parties who are a lot taller than I am. If you are 6’4″ forget about it!, unless we are both sitting down. I don’t want to try and yell my words, and have the awkward tip-toe while you bend down moments. I wonder if normal height people ever think this!

    The Analog House

  5. K says...

    I feel immense anxiety trying to figure out whether or not I have an internal monologue. I don’t think I do, but then as soon as it’s suggested I’m like, but what are those giant swathes of thoughts???? Sometimes they’re words, sometimes they’re movies, sometimes they’re just…thoughts??? Arghhhh

    • Katha says...

      Yep. It is so hard. Ever since I read about it I’m trying to figure out how I think. How?! How do you?
      No voice in my head tough…

  6. Sarah says...

    Omg I had the same duvet cover anxiety for the first 2 months of my daughters life!! It was so bizarre– I would actually wake up looking for her in our bed. She had never once been in our bed.

  7. Lauren says...

    I do not have a proper internal monologue (in the sense that I don’t talk to myself), and I’m a writer! I do “write” in my head, especially when I’m running or walking around the city – I never, ever use ear buds, so I have a clear mind for puttering with phrases and ideas I might put into drafts. Flip side: I verbalize the mostly-concept-and-sound-based stuff that flits through my head. This is one of the many reasons I love living with my two cats and working with animals: they don’t speak English anyway, so I feel free to spout conversational and affectionate word salad at them, aloud, as it occurs to me. (A non-infant human, e.g. my husband, subjected to the same nonsense at length would think I’m insane.)

    Possibly related: Since I have no internal voice that will say “Oh, FFS!” or “Thank god that’s finished!” to me, I was DEFINITELY the coworker who sighed audibly and dramatically at my desk all the time when I worked in an office. I owe my cube neighbors some drinks, probably.

  8. As a person with no inner monologue, still anxious af.

  9. I had absolutely no idea that some people are not constantly talking to themselves in their head!! I thought everyone did it, all the time.

  10. Alex Pearl says...

    I am blown away by the internal monologue link. The comments on that article are the most fascinating thing I’ve read in years!

  11. Kristy says...

    I also constantly woke up looking for my baby in bed when I had my first child, despite her never sleeping in the bed. Someone told me that after carrying the baby for 9 months, on a physiological level your body knows that something is missing and somehow translates that to your mind. I found that fascinating.

  12. Carrie says...

    Would’ve loved to see my man Stevie Wonder on that commercial but pretty perfect otherwise :)

  13. Annelies says...

    I live in France and nobody decants here but they do always open the bottle of red in advance to air it… must be something to it

  14. Emma says...

    The inner monologue thing is interesting (and along with the mind-pictures version has been blowing up all over social media for weeks so not exactly news) but geez that article you linked to is obnoxious af – some people don’t think exactly the same way I do and it’s “causing irreversible brain damage”, people looked at me “as if I had schizophrenia” … seriously?! And yes, I get that it’s supposed to be ‘tongue-in-cheek’ or whatever, but it really misses that mark. By several miles. I have an active internal monologue, for the record, as well as the ability to see images in my mind’s eye, and I have zero trouble grasping the fact that some other people do not. I also have zero troble grasping the fact that those people have an equally full and varied inner life to mine.

  15. That same height party is such an unique idea, haha! How could they think about it!

  16. Julia says...

    About inner monologues, I wonder whether this has anything to do with living in a monolingual space? I used to have an inner monologue so defined that it had punctuation. In college, this made trying to become proficient in Spanish quite difficult. Now that I am (many years, study abroad, and a PhD in Spanish later), reading this made me realize that I don’t always have a monologue any more. Sometimes I do, and it’s in English. Sometimes it’s in Spanish. Sometimes it’s not there at all, and I can feel a bit like I’m floating in a space of ideas that’s between language. Do any other bilingual or multilingual people experience thinking in this varied way?

  17. Rebecca says...

    A local Creative Mornings chapter has been a gift to my career in so many ways. So neat to learn that its founder, Tina Roth Eisenberg, also started your co-working space!

  18. Ann says...

    That book that coming out May 26th? I need now!!! It should be titled rather: “How to adult”.

  19. Tash says...

    The best advertisement brought tears to my eyes. To see my people celebrated in all their glory, talent, magic, brilliance, excellence, and beauty- is so affirming. They’re making -not just black history- but world history and I hope that global textbooks shift/evolve to portray our excellence with accuracy and the immaculate details of a history deep seasoned with resilience.

  20. Vicki says...

    Some people don’t have an inner monologue?! This is crazy to me, I haven’t found a non-inner monologue other though – Am I in a thought bubble?

  21. Jessica says...

    I still refuse to believe that so many people DO have a true “internal monologue” about everything. Really?! That sounds so noisy! And there’s so much knowledge of the world that isn’t at all word-based! Do you have to articulate every emotion to yourself before you feel it? Do you say the word “dog” in your head when you see one???
    I have plenty of thoughts – and I write extensively. But the act of writing is the search for the imperfect translation of what actually exists, that which is above and beyond words and actually is. What actually exists is where i live in my mind, and what I notice. That’s also what makes words so fascinating, the texture of “brag” vs. “bluster” is so interesting as you seek to reflect reality.
    Really, the words just come without choosing them? That is bizarre!

    • Sarah says...

      Yes, agreed! I actually wonder if we are all basically thinking in the same way and are simply describing those thought processes in different ways.

    • Katha says...

      This was a really interesting comment, Jessica. Thank you.
      I find it hard to imagine an internal monologue. You just put in in words.

  22. Sasha L says...

    When my children were small, we had a family bed. I always knew exactly where they were in the bed. The baby often making a letter H, lol, with toes in someone’s ribs. I miss those close cozy times so much, and especially that feeling of comfort and safety knowing they were right there. Parents should practice the baby sleep practices that they are most comfortable with, but I wouldn’t have been able to sleep without my babies right next to me (or on me).

    For those interested in several fascinating mammalian phenomena regarding parents and sleeping babies, I suggest Dr James McKenna’s work at the Mother-baby Behavioral Sleep laboratory at Notre Dame. There’s loads of studies and popular articles as well. It’s a well documented phenomena that parents’ sleep changes significantly with an infant in close proximity in ways that are beneficial and protective to the baby. Knowing where baby is, is just one of them. It’s really amazing science.

  23. Amber J says...

    The ‘same height party’ is so bizarre!! Something about me that I never realized is rare, until recently, is that I really do not notice height. I *probably* will if someone is drastically tall or drastically short, but I honestly could not tell you if the rest of the people in the world, including people in my very own life, are tall or short or average or anything, really. Height is just not something I really… see. I wonder what a party like this would do for me 😅

    Anyone else share this weird lack of height awareness?!

    • India Noble says...

      Yes!! I’m pretty short (5′ 1”) so because most people are taller than me I don’t really notice the difference as to how much taller than me they are. I’ll notice if they’re really tall – say 6′ 5″ maybe – or if they’re shorter but other than that I have no idea how tall people are!!

    • Rosa says...

      I do!!! I noticed they my bff
      who I know since childhood, was really short only after we didn’t see each other for 2 years and I came to pick her at the airport and I was like what? You are that short? Like 5’4 and I never had noticed before. And then a friend of my husband’s was gonna date a friend and she asked me to describe him and I did, after the date she asked why I didn’t mentioned he was like over 6′ well I never even think about that detail…so bizarre

    • Katie says...

      I am the same way! I think it’s because I’m 5’6″ so I’ve never really had to think much about my own (very average) height. I really only notice if someone is drastically taller or shorter than me, otherwise I don’t care. My brothers are all very tall and I honestly never really thought about it until other people would point it out. I guess it’s kind of a blessing not to have to worry about it! :)

    • Sandra Horton says...

      Same here on the lack of height awareness! If someone is very tall or short, I may notice it. Usually I only notice when a situation demands it –like a tall person has to duck their head to enter, or a short person has to reach for something- and often I’m surprised by that. I have somewhat the same lack of awareness for body size/shape. I am unable to look at someone and determine if they are of a larger or smaller build than me without a conscious effort to compare.

    • Sara says...

      I do too, Amber! I don’t ever really even notice my own height in relationship to others. I feel like I’m the same height as everyone else, even though I’m only 5’4″.
      I’m always shocked when people refer to me as short.

  24. Per Lydia’s comment on the date night tops- when I was little we lived in Germany for a year and my math teacher wore the same 3 skirts, 1 pair of pants, 3 tops, 3 sweaters and 3 statement necklaces in different variations for the whole school year. It was in no way weird (in that time and place) that she repeated outfits and garments constantly (I think most of the teachers did, but her style was bold and made it noticeable). We went on a field trip at the end of the year and she wore different clothing and was unrecognizable.

    • Vicki says...

      Woe! As a college teacher I’m fascinated by this, I see my students once a week, and I’m always trying to remember what I’ve worn so that I don’t wear the same thing. I kind of wish it I could not think about it.

    • Lily says...

      I was always fascinated by old shows as a kid when they pack up their clothes into a little valise. But it makes so much more sense when you’re only wearing the same 10 pieces + jewelry!

      We don’t really *need* so much of what we own. I’ve been keeping a sheet of all my clothing purchases the last few years, and at least paying attention to my consumption has really helped me slow it down. (Ignore the 20 sweaters…)

  25. Liz says...

    Yes to Jaime! Our 3 month old has never slept in the bed, but our dog does. Something about hearing our baby’s noises and feeling a little puppy body against me is SO disorienting!!

  26. Abbey says...

    This post has two of the most startling realizations of the week. The rest of the world doesn’t switch up their outfits each day?? And some people are not able to have an inner monologue?? My plans for the weekend have just changed to pondering. Pondering only.

    • Christina says...

      I and most people I know wear things two days in a row. Sweaters and trousers/skirts can be worn longer, like for a week, they never go in the laundry after only two days, as socks and t-shirts/blouses do. Underwear is changed every day though :-).

    • Alex Pearl says...

      I agree – I cannot stop thinking about the post about the internal monologue!

  27. Being a very tall woman, I would be very worried about the same height party. I am naturally shy, and being literally above everyone gives me some confidence, I think. Short women impress me, the are so strong and I admire them when I see them, out there, owning their place in the world. Seeing them at my height would be so intimidating! I would feel like these big dogs we are laughing at for being scared of small ones! (sorry for my bad English!)

  28. CS says...

    A Date Night Top comment is vey interesting. Fascinating. I have always joked that I would love it if our work place brought in a uniform policy. I wouldn’t have to spend money or time worrying about what to wear to work, and could leave expressing myself fashion-wise for my private life. The reader comment highlights the fact that the amount of money and energy we put into clothes is unnecessary, and very much imposed by our consumer culture. Xoxo

    • Abbey says...

      I work as a nanny and another nanny I worked with once simply CHOSE TO WEAR SCRUBS every day to work. Self-imposed uniform policy!! I respected that greatly. Kind of brilliant.
      I agree the amount of money and energy we put into clothes is unnecessary, but when I consider the alternative of having restrictions on what I wear each day something in me screams rebellion and I immediately crave to wear the most vivid, distinct, expressive outfit combinations in my closet hahaha :)

  29. Constance says...

    We used to stay at Farm Sanctuary every summer when I was younger- I really recommend it, so many happy memories.

  30. K says...

    Wow! That “How to be a Person” book looks like a winner. I can recall many times in my early adulthood that I thought, “Mom, how did you not teach me that?!” (Looking at you, Unfolded Fitted Sheet).
    Providing this book to my children may get me off the hook when they leave the nest.

  31. Kay says...

    I had absolutely no idea that some people are not constantly talking to themselves in their head!! I thought everyone did it, all the time.

  32. Jorj says...

    Love the poem. With a newborn in our home, I’ve begun writing out some thoughts too.

    FIRST TIME MUM
    Today I cried. As in not once today, not twice today, but today.

    RAIN
    Drip drop drip drop
    Please baby, won’t you stop?
    Your weight bears down on my worn-out wrists
    Please relax your clenched-up fists
    Rain floods and hits the roof
    My brain is mud and I wish I could
    But your eyes are tight, and my chest is too
    As tears drip drop from me and you

    • M says...

      These are so beautiful.

    • K says...

      these are so beautiful! i’m sorry for your pain and happy that you’ve made an outlet of it.

  33. Sam says...

    The internal monologue thing seems similar to when a friend told me she doesn’t have a mind’s eye, so she doesn’t picture people when she thinks about them or visualize what is happening when she reads a book. My mind was blown and sort of still is.

    • Alicia says...

      Yes, my mind was also blown that not everyone visualizes what is happening when reading a book. Still can’t imagine how completely different the experience of reading must be.

  34. Amy says...

    My 8yo made the same request for one-on-one time, and sagely reminded me this morning that “You can say no to people when they ask for help, Mom. Sometimes if you’re not feeling good, it’s better to say no, and people understand that.”

    So I canceled the plans I was reluctantly making for three weekends for now and I’m keeping it free for family-only stuff.

    It’s so hard to know the line between helping others as much as you reasonably can, and protecting yourself and your family from over-extending.

    • Jessica says...

      Is your child baby yoda?? That’s some next level wisdom that I am still learning in my 30s. Well done raising this mindful prodigy.

  35. kai says...

    OMG woke up cradling a pillow, terrified that it was my nebwborn, facedown in my arms, countless times with BOTH new babies for weeks after i got home. didn’t matter that they were always in a bassinette!

  36. That book looks so good! Thanks for the tip, Joanna!

  37. Paige says...

    Wow. That article about inner monologues really made me think… do people who don’t have constant inner monologues have less anxiety? Does their worry look or feel different than mine? Because I literally have to talk to myself like a therapist sometimes (more like a back and forth convo in my head) to get rid of anxious thoughts.

    • Elizabethkatt says...

      No inner monologue here and can assure you, still plenty of anxiety!

    • Lora says...

      My husband and I just spent an hour talking about the inner monologue thing. I definitely do not have one which baffles him. I occasionally “see” words in my brain but more often it’s just thoughts or concepts. However the only times I could think of experiencing something similar to an inner monologue is when I’m feeling anxious or having catastrophic thoughts. And because it’s less common for me, it’s easy to notice it and stop it. So maybe there is less anxiety?

    • Aly says...

      Hi there! I’m one of those people who don’t have an inner monologue most of the time. While I’m not sure what other people without it would say, I definitely have trouble with anxiety and depression. I don’t have a “monologue” as much as just “thoughts”. So, if i’m deciding between what shirt to wear, I’ll mentally envision both future scenarios, and see which like. But I don’t need to hear a single word, just a scene like a movie. Sometimes that movie is so fast it’s in a second- almost automatic. Not having a “monologue” does make therapy harder, because it’s tougher to point to where my thoughts contribute to my problems. I don’t always mentally “say” negative things, but I still think them. Sometimes I wish I had an inner monologue though. Writing is time consuming for me, and I think if I had a pronounced “inner monologue” maybe it wouldn’t be (since I don’t “hear” my own words constantly).

    • Elizabeth R says...

      As a person with no inner monologue, still anxious af.

  38. Marcie says...

    Oh Google – they slay me every time with their ‘remember this day’ and ‘they grow up so fast’ photo notices. The commercials are the same!

  39. Ellie says...

    To Jamie on new parenthood anxiety: my husband and I call the wake-up-in-a-cold-sweat-certain-the-baby-is-in-the-bed “phantom baby”. It happened to us almost every night the first six months of our son’s life. We thought it was over until he learned to walk and I’d wake up certain he crawled out of his crib, opened his door, unlatched his baby gate and fell down the stairs. I’d have to remind myself all of that was impossible before falling back asleep.

    • Colleen S says...

      My younger sister climbed out of her crib when she was about 18 months, came out of her room, and knocked on my door. We lived in a one-story house, but I was surprised to find her at my door when I opened it. But unlatching the baby gate would be a bit of a feat.

  40. Becka says...

    damn you Google, crying at work now

  41. J.M. says...

    At home with a sniffly little one and put this together during the naps! I definitely missed some (they didn’t come up in searches, for whatever reason, or I just missed them in the comments) but I think I got most. I did make an editor’s decision to leave off the 45-minute LCD Soundsystem track, and I didn’t include entire albums.

    CoJ readers love Beyonce and they REALLY love “Don’t Stop Me Now” by Queen. There is some serious genre whiplash on the playlist, but I don’t agree that any of the songs are embarrassing! Just good fun.

    https://open.spotify.com/playlist/28yQahlUyOxGsZZhfFrKaq

    Perhaps ironically though, I did this while listening to a podcast…

    • Lea says...

      Love this and this group of online friends!

    • Jo says...

      This is awesome!! Thank you!

    • Melinda says...

      OMG J.M., THANK YOU!!!

    • Meg says...

      This is fabulous. Thank you so much!

    • Alyssa says...

      This is SO generous! Thank you!

    • China says...

      This is so awesome!!! Can’t wait to listen at the gym this week!

    • Jean says...

      BLESS YOU WITH ALL THE BLESSINGS!!! This was going to be my “job” for this week! You win at COJ. Can someone send this awesome person a t shirt or something? :D <3

    • Lauren E. says...

      This is AMAZING!

    • Robyn says...

      Thank you so, so much for taking the time to do this! I just had an amazing run while listening :)