The Funniest Book of Mom Advice

Ah, this post and these comments. I just buried my mom one week ago after a long and courageous battle (she was 84). she showed me how to live, how to love and how to die. It was a long time coming, and she is now at peace but oh, what I would give to hear one more time:
“Not today Josephine”- no one in my family knows who Josephine is- when asked, she said she didn’t know but its how her mother told her no!
“This too shall pass” was another one of her favorites.
“I have met many people in my life and never did I find one that worry did anything good for”
A few days before she died I asked her what did she most want me to remember, her response was “Be Kind Always”.
My mom and I were never particularly close in my growing up years, but in the end years of her life, we grew so very close and she saw no limitations even though every single day was a struggle. she would tell me things she would like to do before she died and I figured out how to do it. It wasn’t easy, but I would give anything for one more of her wacky requests. On the day she died, I asked her did she need anything, and she said, you have given me everything, what more could I need and she closed her eyes and drew her final breaths shortly thereafter. How to live and how to die, I got it all.
Thanks for giving me the space to share, I am feeling a bit lost these days.

After hearing my aunt tell a very convoluted story about why my cousin was born weighing over 8 pounds but only 7 months after she and my uncle were married my mother said, “The first baby can come at any time, the rest take nine months.” It was a different time, but her sense of humor still makes me laugh to this day.

My best friend’s mother always said, if someone pays you a compliment, smile and say thank you! I love this and share it with my daughter.

She also said before we’d go out, no drinking, no smoking, no funny cigarettes. We didn’t listen ha!

My mother always said, don’t put anything in writing you don’t want me or the police to read.

HAHA! Love the advice- too funny!

I also wrote a book about my mom, but her advice always had more expletives:
https://www.amazon.com/My-ing-Mother-Serena-Robinett/dp/179181381X/ref=tmm_pap_swatch_0?_encoding=UTF8&qid=&sr=

My mom would say to us in the 80’s, ‘never give a man money’ and ‘men only want one thing, don’t give it to them.’ Haha!

“Don’t keep magazines around – they will make you focus on what you don’t have.”
“Clean the house before you leave on a trip – it will feel good to return to a clean house.”
“Wear a comfortable bra.” Finances were very tight, but we *always* had properly fitted bras.
And of course: “Life is not fair”, “I’m your mother; it’s my job” (aka “I’m your mother, not your friend”), and “I don’t care what the other parents say.”

“When your body has curves, you don’t need the tricks that other girls need.” I doubt she even remembers saying it, but we were in a dressing room when I was in college and couldn’t get clothing that looked good on model-thin friends to work for me. It made me really appreciate what I had – curves! curves everywhere! – and she picked out some simple items that really showed them off. The off-cuff remark stayed with me.

On a serious note, it was very important to her (and my dad) that I knew that they’d prefer I cancel a wedding than go through with it with doubts, even it was the day-of. They both brought it up separately and individually from about age 13 onward.

A few goodies from my Mom:
When a conversation became awkward, she says “So, do you think the rain will hurt the rhubarb?” That was our clue to move on to another topic.

When we were trying to make something perfect, she says “It’s not going to the county fair!” In other words, no judging was going to happen.

And one passed down from my Grandma: “If everyone hung their troubles out on the line, you’d rush to grab your own.” Puts things into perspective.

My parents got married within a year of meeting each other I think, which seems very unlike my mom considering how planned and “responsible” she is. When I was a kid, any time my dad would do something annoying or say something weird (like that his hearing aides were picking up a Russian signal or that he lived in the trunk of a tree as a child) my mom would turn to me and say “Do your research,” meaning research the person I marry before I marry them.

When I was upset over a breakup, even though I was making the objectively right choice: “Emotions are not rational. That’s why they are called emotions, not rations.”

“Your deepest cut is your deepest cut”. While a paper cut or some other problem may seem trivial to you, it may be significant to someone else. It’s all relative.

“When you can’t decide what to do, just do SOMETHING”. Helped with my “analysis paralysis” and if it was the wrong choice, I figured it out pretty quickly and…. lo and behold, I survived:)

Loving this thread! Lots I will now bestow on my kiddos!

Thanks!

My mom would say to me “This is not your box to carry.”

As a very sensitive teen, and I would feel very wounded on behalf of a friend. My mom said this to remind me that – while I can keep a friend company during hard times – don’t take on the weight of their problems. They are not mine to carry or to fix.

I am LOVING reading these tips!

Three from my mom (who is such a champion)

1. Always pack an extra pair of underwear when you go on a trip

2. If you wash your dishes with a dishcloth, rinsing it with very cold water after you use it keeps it smelling fresh.

3. “Honestly, no one is thinking about you as much as you think they are.”

I had a very turbulent adolescence and my mom supported me by being invariably affectionate and compassionate. Whenever I was down, and there was nothing she could say to cheer me up, she’d say, “love pill?” And I’d jump up into her arms and wrap my legs around her waist. Somehow this combination of silly and sweet always made me feel a little better. My mom is very strong, even today at 60, and she still offers me her love pills and they still work their magic.

My mother told me, NOBODY cares about your career other than YOU and YOUR MOTHER. Other people are busy worrying about their own careers with THEIR OWN mothers.

Oddly liberating.

“Dull women have immaculate homes.”
She also talked my stressed-out sister into delegating DIY (hollowing out out a bunch of books to create table centerpieces with succulents) the night before her wedding by saying, “Look, I’m stronger than you are, and I can f*ck up my hands.” Very situation-specific, but weirdly applicable across the board: sometimes you’ve got to let the people who love you get dirty on your behalf.

This is not advice but……raise your hand if your Mom said “Don’t make me stop this car!”…..and raise your hand if you have said it to your own kids!

My grandmother always said to my mom (and then my mom would say it to me): “Pretty is as pretty does.”

As a kid I always rolled my eyes at it, but wow, I think of it every day now.

And my nanny: “Cheaters never prosper.”

I had the same reaction then and now.

When we used to disagree about things, my mom would say “Well, that’s just what makes horse races!”

Another thing she would say, if we wanted to go into a store she didn’t want to stop at, “I didn’t lose anything there.” Infuriating!

If kids were running around like crazy at someone’s house or school, my mom would warn us, “no wilding!” Used to drive me nuts, but how much do you want to bet I’ll use it on my own kids?

My favorite Mom saying that my sisters and I love to quote is, “Always wear the proper undergarments.” I consciously think this thought every time I put on an outfit – it reminds me to spend money on proper foundations and to always leave my house in underwear I wouldn’t be embarrassed to be seen in (think an emergency room visit).
My Mom was also big into two things – “Always write a thank you note” (we always received a fresh pack in our Christmas stocking or with birthday gifts) and “make an effort to include others.” The last quote is something I think about all of the time. My Mother was a big champion for the underdog and always encouraged us to reach out to the kid sitting alone at lunch or be inclusive as possible when we hosted birthday parties. If I was limited to birthday party guests, she told me to be conscious of others and to not talk about it in public, so as to not hurt anyone’s feelings. If you’ve ever not been invited to a party that others are talking about in front of you, you know how this makes you feel!

My mom has shared so many bits of wisdom throughout the years. She makes me laugh with so many of her sayings but has advice for any situation. ‘Don’t leave your drink unattended at a party’, ‘Never sit on a public toilet seat’ , ‘If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is’.