Relationships

Do or Don’t: Gaseous Emissions

Do or Don't: Gaseous Emissions

One night, my boyfriend asked me a special question…

“Why don’t you ever fart?”
“What?” I said, slightly taken aback. “Of course I do. I’m a human person.”
“But you don’t do it in front of me,” he said, then added, “It doesn’t make noise.”

What on earth was this?

“I just think it would bring us closer together.”

This was new. After spending my entire dating life trying to control such bodily impulses — don’t order the three-cheese lasagna on an early date, don’t drink another glass of red because it always produces a frog-like gurgle — this person was requesting I (freely, audibly) exercise them?

Then, a few minutes later: “Will you burp, at least?”

I would like to believe that I am a (relatively) mature adult person who accepts that human bodies do weird things. I would also like to believe that I am comfortable with the many angles of my own humanity, including the presence of body hair and the symphonic noises that sometimes arise after a multi-course meal. Still, I’ve watched one too many Esther Perel TED talks where she counsels that in order for your partner to remain desirable, they have to be, at least in a certain sense, “other.” And I’ve been conditioned to think that the sharing of certain bodily functions borders on too familiar — even, and perhaps especially, in the company of one’s partner.

Because it is somehow my job (since I pitched this story, we’ve been calling it “the farticle”), I posed this question to a bunch of friends.

“Gary farts all the time,” said one friend, about her husband of nearly a decade whose name is not actually Gary. “But I still won’t. Of course, sometimes it can’t be helped, but if I sense one is coming, I’ll excuse myself.”

“We’re comfortable with it, but only to a point,” reported another, about his partner. “Sometimes, if we’re watching TV together, he’ll dive across the couch and physically hold my nose shut with his hand until the coast is clear.”

“Personally, I am a huge fan of sleeping with a white noise machine to drown out any sounds that may escape overnight,” offered a third. “I am very much not open with my farting, and appreciate the same discretion in a partner. But if it happens, there is the unspoken rule that one must laugh it off.”

When it comes to the topic of gaseous emissions, I was surprised by how not okay with it everyone — except my boyfriend — seems. Is this just one more hurdle on the road to bodily acceptance? Or does decorum exist for good reason?

Anyway! I’d honestly love to know: Is there a point in a relationship where this becomes acceptable? Or do some people believe that it shouldn’t happen, lest you destroy the mystery between you? Is there a middle ground?

P.S. A secret to a happy marriage and do you pee in front of your significant other?

  1. Rose says...

    My boyfriend established early in our relationship that he would prefer it if we didn’t fart in front of one another. He’s a pretty rugged, easy going guy with a grown kid (he’s seen a lot) so this came as a surprise, but I was on board and feebly agreed. I don’t particularly enjoy farting in front of others, I just know that accidents happen. I learned some time later that one of the first times he fooled around with a girl when he was about 13, they were sitting on the couch and she poked him in the stomach, and he let one rip. He was so embarrassed and traumatized by the whole thing. We’ve been together over a year and he’s only heard me fart once – we were playing a video game and I laugh-farted. I couldn’t stop laughing, but he was horrified! Fortunately, he’s still attracted to me and it didn’t ruin our relationship. But everyone has their reasons for feeling how they do about gas – for my bf it’s connected to a mortifying experience! We’ve got a no poking rule as a result, too : )

  2. Diane Smelser says...

    No, no, no. Don’t fart in front of him! If you do, blame it on the dog. If he farts, just ignore it. I mean, what do you do? Apologize for it? Ladies just don’t fart…. Of course, you know I am kidding. There was a card once where uptight, turn-of-the-century type men were about to get into a fight over a lady. One guy said, “I’m sorry for farting in front of your wife. I didn’t know it was her turn.”

  3. Calliope says...

    Once…or twice…ok many times! I did it while having sex and esp when he is down there doing his nice job! What is this?? Why is this happening?? I feel so embarrassed at the moment but oh so horny that I just say or do nothing.

  4. amy says...

    A friend in middle school said, “better to fart and feel the shame than not fart and feel the pain.” I’ve lived by that mantra my entire life, and even though my boyfriend doesn’t love it when I toot (SBD eek!) we both can giggle about gas.

  5. My partner and I fart and bruo confront of each other (he went first). I think this is fine. It show just how open and free to be yourself you feel around your partner

  6. janine says...

    since I pitched this story, we’ve been calling it “the farticle” – made me laugh out loud.

    I have a lot of digestive issues, which leads me to burp A LOT. Like, way, way more than a normal person. One time, before an appointment with my gastroenterologist, I kept track of how many times I burped a day, and it was… hundreds (it’s better now, but I still burp a lot compared to an average person).

  7. Anna says...

    When I was in high school, my boyfriend’s older sister got married and when after the honeymoon she proudly announced that she had finally farted in front of her new husband, my boyfriend and I just looked at each other and cracked up – I’m pretty sure I farted in front of him on our third date!

  8. Shannon Bell says...

    Oh yeah, total right of passage; once it’s done and everyones comfortable with it, you’ve reached a new level of peace in your partnership.

    Even though I still try not to, but only because mine are “silent but deadly” and when I know one has been dealt the anticipation of when he will smell it KILLS me with the giggles.

    (We’ve been married 5 years).

  9. Becca Lynn says...

    I’ve been seeing this really cute and funny guy for a few months and omg, it happened last night (on Valentine’s Day, omg). We both kind of just kept talking and laughing and didn’t say anything about it. He still left chocolates and the sweetest note so I think it’s all good <3 .

  10. Marie says...

    The first fart is a right of passage in a relationship. A milestone to be celebrated! My husband and I still cry with laughter when recounting the story of the first time I farted in front of him. It was NOT on purpose, it was epic, and I completely failed at covering it up. The fact that he laughed and kept loving me – well, that’s a good man, right there. Many years and two children later, we still laugh and celebrate a “duck quacking,” a “toot,” a “windie,” and the “mysterious clapping.”

  11. Ashleigh says...

    I definitely grew up in a free-for-all fart zone. My dad and brother were always trying to out-do each other and it was quite hilarious (mostly because their laughs were funnier than the fart. That’s the best part, right?).

    Every time we were traveling in a vehicle, my dad would randomly say, “Do y’all smell diesel?” in his best Okie drawl, while we proceeded to inhale the biggest breath we possibly could. Most of the time, it was hilarious. Until he decides to lock the car windows and the fart was the unholy ghost of the Mexican food the night before. It was just a thing we were used to and we all still find it funny. Every. Single. Time. :)

  12. Imme says...

    My boyfriend and I have a rule: a kiss for each fart. Since he’s usually the one farting, I’m mostly the one being kissed. It makes us laugh every time, and for three years now his farts have been easily forgiven (:

  13. Kam says...

    It was a week before I was set to move into a new apartment with my boyfriend. My parents were in town and had met him for the first time a couple weeks before. They were set to return home the next day and we were set to move into our new home together. After months of me trying to be ‘ladylike’ and holding them in, on several occasions even returning to my own apartment after an especially gas-inducing meal (red cabbage wreaks havoc on my system) and him, transversely in awe of how on earth this was possible and why it never happened in front of him, he proclaimed at this last supper to my parents that we simply could not move in together until I farted in front of him. We laughed, said our goodbyes to my parents and went on our way. Walking home via our new street just adjacent to our new apartment, it happened. He jumped up and down and yelled and laughed and grabbed me with a swooping kiss. It set a new, very relaxed precedent for us and my stomach is forever thankful.

  14. megs283 says...

    no time to read the comments :-) I first farted in front of my now-husband after we had been dating for 8 months. It squeaked out. I freaked out, he thought it was hilarious, I BEGGED him to fart in front of me.

    BIGGGG MISTAKEEEEEEE. After that, it was open season. And he stopped opening car doors for me, because apparently the journey behind the car was his secret fart time, and now it no longer needed to be secret!

    Fast-forward 10 years later, and there are no fart secrets. Ideally, I wouldn’t fart in front of him….but I’m not exactly going to get off the couch and move into another room just to avoid it…? And our three-year-old LOVES it when we “toot” – it cracks her up. So that’s fun. :-)

    And…really…you haven’t hit depths of humiliation until you do one of “those” toots in the face of 5 doctors – up close and personal – after you have a baby. I almost died of embarrassment. They almost died of shock and smell. But I live to tell the tale…

  15. CT says...

    I can’t believe so many grown people are so horrified by this! I make it a point to fart relatively early (in the first few months) of a relationship. If you’re having sex with this person and are going to be with them long-term then you don’t want someone that is disgusted by a perfectly normal (and hilarious) bodily function. My partner gives my farts marks out of ten. Hours of fun. If you’re potentially going to push out a baby and grow old and infirm with someone, you need to ensure that they will react with good humour and fun when small things like farts happen. Go for it guys!

    • katie says...

      “Hours of fun.” HAH.

    • Lisa says...

      YAAAAAASSSSS. Could not agree more!
      I like to keep it classy but i’m also human ;)
      x

  16. Shira says...

    When I first started dating my husband, I would turn on the sink in the bathroom just so he wouldn’t hear me pee! Once I had my kids, the farts couldn’t always be held in like before. While hugely embarrassing at first, now I just let them out, and we always laugh about it.

    • Cynthia says...

      So true about after kids! I have no choice- and neither does he, if he’s hanging out with me.

  17. Liz says...

    There are few things that will make my boyfriend and I laugh as much as a loud deadly fart. Like cry laughing at each other. Only in our own home of course. I drew the line at being in the bathroom when the other is pooping. He thinks it is no big deal but I just find it too gross.

  18. Dash says...

    I have always thought farts are hilarious and, in fact, they remain the thing that always makes me laugh. My partner freely farts because he knows I won’t stop laughing for at least five minutes.

  19. Gemma Hayes says...

    I did not and would not fart in front of my boyfriend for the first 5 years. Then I fell pregnant and was too large and tired to keep getting up and going to the bathroom. Lets be honest, he was soon going to see something either horrific or beautiful, but we’d never be the same. Our son is now 8 and I rarely leave to use the bathroom.

  20. I can’t imagine being in a long-term relationship where you have to hide the fact that your body is a body and makes noise and other weird/gross things. I’m not talking about intentionally doing it during dinner or in a disrespectful way (like burping in someone’s face), but if my partner can’t handle a fart, then he’s in for a real surprise during childbirth.

  21. Wendy says...

    My husband and I are extremely comfortable farting in front of each other. Comments are always made after the fact, but there is no shame. We do have a toddler and are trying to make him comfortable with his body but the open-fart policy started long before! We have been together for nearly 20 years so are extremely comfortable with each other…having said that, I was raised in a fart-friendly home, which probably contributes to my lack of discomfort (though, farting in public is obviously discouraged- I am not an animal!).

    • margie says...

      I come from a fart-friendly home, my husband did not. We have been together 23 years, and I think I just heard him start farting maybe 7 years ago, when our son was about 5. They are just too hilarious to stifle! In Hotel Transylvania 3, Mavis farts, and Johnny says, “Aw, that’s a cute toot, honey!” This line gets said AT LEAST 10 times a day, by all 4 of us. Life is short! Laugh at farts!

  22. I know it’s normal and I think it’s funny and my husband and I laugh about it all the time (especially with a toddler and a 6 month old) but I gotta say, I reaaaally don’t wanna smell someone’s farts while I’m enjoying a nice movie or reading in bed. And for GODS SAKE not at the dinner table! Nasty.

    That said, my toddler for some reason has decided that she’ll toot on command when my mom is over and we all find it HILARious that she can just push out a fart every 30 seconds for like ten minutes with a completely deadpan stare. So glad shes my kid.

  23. cindylou says...

    Does anyone here remember the Drew Carey Show? If yes, do you remember the fart episode (1997)? My (now ex) husband and I laughed about that one for days. We were also able to fart in front of each other very early into our relationship. Now that I’m single though, I’m not sure how I’m going to handle that subject if it ever comes up.

  24. Alex says...

    Dunno, i feel some people were raised, like me, to think it’s rude or disrespectful to fart or burp in front of other people. My parents never farted or burped in front of me either. Some call it manners. After being married 22 years, I still can’t get used to my husband farting, but after all these years he’s been doing a good job of “concealing” his farts ha. His family loves to burp out loud during dinner, not only do I lose my appetite but I also think it’s pretty freaking gross and rude. But hey, I realize everyone is different, I happen to not like it.

  25. Logan says...

    10 years in and one of my nicknames is Farty Pants. It can’t be helped, I do it more than him-loud but unscented. I don’t ever burp. We laugh about it and make jokes. I make fun of him whenever it’s his turn. I would rather not but at this point it’s just funny.

  26. A says...

    I don’t think it’s that big of a deal or that it’s tied in anyway to how desirable I am to my boyfriend or vice versa. It’s a normal, bodily function and if it happens we both just laugh about it because farts are funny no matter how old you are.

    • Mirte says...

      This, yes, nothing to add.

    • Kristie says...

      Agreed!

  27. Vera says...

    A year and a half after my husband and I started dating I was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. He was with me through the entire treatment – we were in our respective mid-twenties and early-thirties. The kind of intimacy that came with that kind of struggle and care-taking is something that many couples don’t have to face until much later in life if they’re lucky. The question of whether partners should fart in front of each other cracks me up – he has literally carried me to the bathroom when I couldn’t walk or go by myself. Once you’ve navigated catheters and enemas etc. together, farting isn’t embarrassing in the least. The funny part is the journey of separating your health bodily functions and regular bodily functions like farting from the sexual way to relate to each other’s bodies. I think as long as you and your partner can find a way to do that – to make sure that your sexual selves remain specific for each other – that things like farting in front of each other can just add to intimacy and comfort.

  28. Olivia says...

    First time commenter (…of course it would be about this topic!), longtime reader over here. Growing up with three older brothers, farting was a standard conversation topic around our dinner table. My grandmother lived with us my entire childhood and always said “better out than in…!” when we’d complain that our stomachs were aching from gas pains. And I 100% stand by that, too (within reason, of course). On this subject…the “Harry on the toilet” scene from Dumb & Dumber is hands down a CLASSIC that makes me laugh until I’m crying every time. If farting wasn’t a place of comfort in my marriage (…and I am currently 9 months pregnant and lemme tell ya, this gas needs OUT), then I wouldn’t be with the right person. Call me immature, but not only is farting completely natural, it’s hilarious! All for fart comfort in a relationship over here!

  29. caitlin says...

    I knew my boyfriend was a keeper when he turned to me during an at-home hangout session and said “You can fart in front of me, you know.” Ever since, we both let the farts fly, for better or worse.

  30. Jessica says...

    It seems I may be the minority but I can’t imagine a relationship without being comfortable enough to fart and laugh about farts! If someone was wishing for me to keep them in to keep the magic alive I don’t think I would stay to see how it plays out.

    We actually joke that we became official because my partner’s roommate said “If you fart when she’s in the bed it means she’s your girlfriend” and as they say the rest is history, we’ve been together for 10 years.

  31. Meredith says...

    It is disrespectful and rude to do it intentionally in front of another person. As is belching aloud, chewing with your mouth open, or loudly yawning in public. I have always been disappointed to find out someone finds bathroom humor funny.

    • Jen says...

      Wow lighten up. I fart in front of my boyfriend all the time. It’s a normal bodily function. Nothing to be ashamed about.

    • It’s easier to keep in a burp than a fart. It’s easier to not yawn, too. It’s not disrespectful because it isn’t a choice, generally. Someone who isn’t okay with you being human and healthy is someone who doesn’t respect you.

  32. CW says...

    My boyfriend and I had only been dating a few weeks when I had a job interview on campus that I was really nervous for. He took me to it and while we waited, I leant on his shoulder, but as I moved, I accidentally let out an enormous fart…I was mortified but he found it hilarious, and ever since then, neither of us has cared at all! 13 years later, he’s my husband and we both fart whenever we fancy it!

  33. Maddie says...

    I’m a loud farter and my boyfriend is a silent farter. Three months into our relationship, I told him I needed to fart and he said “you can do it!”, so I did and he grinned and said “whoa, that was a big one.” I always fart in front of him now, which is how I know we’re gonna be together for a while if not forever—I always said I couldn’t be with someone I couldn’t fart in front of!

  34. Emily says...

    I come from a long line of very gassy (and openly so) women. So much so that my great-grandmother Elizabeth’s greatest legacy is the oft-repeated motto: “There’s more room on the outside than on the inside.”

    My sister and I suffered from stomach/bloating issues in high school and college that we both now fully attribute to self-consciously holding in our farts around boys we thought couldn’t handle it.

    Needless to say, the judge of a strong relationship has always been the fart test, and the earlier we can let them fly without anxiety and a stomach ache, the better the man. I’m 4 years married, she’s 3 years into a live-in relationship. Everybody farts. And there is love.

    • “Everybody farts. And there is love.” YES!!!!!

    • Mirte says...

      Reading comments like this I really miss a like-button :’)

  35. Lisa says...

    I try to be open about but also think it can be rude to fart in some situations- grew up with parents that had no boundaries and I still today hate when we are in the couch together and one of them let one rip when I’m sitting next to them. RUDE. I am single now but with my ex I simply would say “excuse me I need to let one go” and step into another room. Didn’t care if he heard, just didn’t want to make him be around it. He did the same. It actually started with him farting so loudly in his sleep that it woke him up, and as I was in the same bed he apologised in the morning. I said it was no big deal, and from that moment on it was no longer awkward. With my friends, we do the same but talk a lot about poop. I mean, there is nothing better than having a good poop in the morning when you wake up. If you’re friend is around she will want to know you had the best feeling just a minute ago. Yes, we are that close.

  36. Nicole says...

    In high school, I was one of those type-A, overachiever kids who was up until 2 AM every night answering every question on every homework assignment. I was thus almost always exhausted during my first period classes, but I never allowed myself to fall asleep during class because I had this irrational fear that I would let one rip in my sleep. And the idea of farting in front of my peers–or worse: my crush–was MORTIFYING. Fast forward to college. I had just started dating my now-husband, and he had to pull an all nighter (because he is NOT one of those type-A, overachiever kids, but instead one of those annoying “I’m so brilliant that I can pull things off at the last minute” kids). I finished whatever it was I was working on that night and conked out on his bed while he continued to work on whatever it was he was doing. When I woke up the next morning, he told me that I had basically been farting all night. While I’m paraphrasing here, he said he was surprised at how loud they were… Now, one would think that I would have been HUMILIATED, but instead I immediately thought it was hilarious. I envisioned the look of shock on his face and thought it was just about the funniest thing that ever happened. Maybe this was due to some sort of subconscious sense of ease or comfort in his presence? (Not the farting, but the lack of mortification when alerted to said farting.) Fast forward ten years later, and I’m still incredibly gassy. I’m also incredibly fortunate to have a partner who willingly omits onions (his favorite vegetable) from every meal he cooks, and who doesn’t make a big deal out of the occasional (but not actually occasional) boomp. On his end (from his end?), I think I’ve only heard the guy fart 3 or 4 times ever. The reason for this is that he trained as an actor and taught himself to fart silently so he could get away with doing it on stage… No, I’m not kidding. I find this hilarious. I love him.

  37. Tess says...

    The first time my husband (then boyfriend) farted in front of me, he said, ‘oh, they must have those barking spiders around here!’ Maybe this is a common joke(?), but it was new to me and made me laugh. To this day we still say ‘oh, barking spider’ if one of us toots.

    • Emma says...

      My mom always blames her toots on barking spiders too! I thought she had made that up…

    • Allison says...

      My dad always says the barking spider thing too!

    • Lena says...

      My husband blames the barking spiders or the ‘damn wood ducks’! To this day, I find it hilarious!

  38. Lindsey says...

    I didn’t fart in front of my husband until we got married. My mom never farted in front of my dad (or me) until they got divorced. That really stuck with me and for some reason I started thinking it must be the key to a happy marriage. So I knew I wanted to fart in front of my husband, but I didn’t want him to know just how deadly my farts were until we had taken vows. He often says I “trapped him.” But we both enjoy our gassy emissions, and agree that people who don’t think farts are funny can’t be trusted.

  39. Abby says...

    The first time I *let one slip* in front of my bf was during a weekend trip visiting his parents in upstate New York. It was winter (snowy, quiet, romantic) and we texted each other from our respective rooms in the middle of the night, planning to meet in the kitchen to have some alone time to chat. As we are smooching goodnight he started tickling me and *it* happened. In recoiling from the tickles my body let one loose, totally betraying me. I was mortified!! We both stared for a second and he started cracking up. Since it had to happen sooner or later, I guess that was a good place to start! But he will never let me live that down.

  40. Laura says...

    I have no idea when this became the norm in my relationship with my now fiance, but we fart in each other’s presence all of the time. When it happens, we always immediately make eye contact and usually laugh or smile at each other, because the we both know who did it! I had never really thought about it until reading this article, but I do appreciate this freedom with my partner. If anyone else is around though, we are definitely more discrete!

  41. Cecilia Camara says...

    My husband told people at his college reunion that living with his wellknownforhisfarts roommate had prepared him to be married to me!! I didn’t know if to laugh or to fart a stinky one on his face as punishment. Also, once you have a vaginal delivery with your husband in the room there is NO WAY this so called “mystery” can be reinstated.

  42. Jess says...

    When I’m pregnant I am basically one giant ball of gas. Unless I was going to rent my own apartment during that time, we just had to learn to live with it. 2 pregnancies later we are doing just fine.

    However, we will never pee or poop with the other person in the bathroom, even though, there is only one in our house. He was showering one time, and I literally drive to the dollar store to go, cause I just couldn’t hold it.

    • Ashley F. says...

      The Dollar Store, so fuuny!

  43. Kiley says...

    When my husband and I first started dating he was extremely conscious of bodily noises, to the point that he’d run the sink while going to the bathroom. I finally broke him of that habit, and we’ve lived in polite understanding of the occasional “emission”, but not openly breaking wind in front of each other…until I got pregnant. I am 9 months and I can not control it! For the most part he’s been understanding, but one night we broke down in a fit of giggles because I just could. not. stop. Now we just call out the dog’s name as if it’s her fault. So much for the honeymoon phase!

  44. Allegra says...

    My best friend and I would ask each other if we could fart in front of our boyfriends; it was a way to gauge how comfortable we felt around them. It’s weird, but it was a good predictor of the longevity of the relationship!

  45. Jess says...

    When I first met my husband I tried to not fart and said I don’t fart. He replied, “I have a mother and a sister, they fart, so I know you do too.” I’m pretty sure he’s regretted saying that. We still laugh over most farts and cry over the particularly stinky ones. It’s part of our relationship and I’m happy it is.

  46. Veronica Aguirre says...

    My 7 year old son high-fives me when I fart. I feel really good about it afterwards.

    • Katherine says...

      This is the best.

    • M says...

      LOVE this! So funny.

  47. My 4 sisters and I use farts as a sign of how deep you are in a relationship. The question we would ask each other if we wanted to know if it was serious was “have farts been broken?”

  48. Jamie says...

    I have earth shatteringly loud & long burps (thanks mom, thanks grandpa) and if you asked my husband what he was most proud of me for…it would be that (don’t mind the two children I grew & birthed from my body). I also grew up with a family that had a deep appreciation for potty humor & it was definitely passed on.

  49. Julieta says...

    You’ve made me feel so gross 😂

  50. Siobhan says...

    When I started dating my boyfriend he asked at what point would it be OK for him to fart in front of me. Coincidentally around the same time I read somewhere (I wish I could remember where) that someone referred to this as “fart blanche” so I told him he could have fart blanche after 6 months of dating. I’ve regretted it ever since – apparently one cannot rescind fart blanche.

  51. Kate says...

    I will only fart outside or in the other room, but apparently a few months ago my partner woke up because I farted in my sleep, and then sleep-giggled. He said it took him several minutes to stop laughing and fall back to sleep.

    Mystery, gone.

  52. Hanna says...

    If I can’t let one rip with you and you with me then obviously you are not for me. The end.

    P.S. For those interested in parenthood: Good luck potty training someone someday if you’re not cool with all things poop.

  53. Jenna says...

    I feel totally comfortable farting in front of my husband, as long as they are the loud and non-smelly kind. But if they are the silent but deadly variety, I try to blame it on the dog. I’m not embarrassed, I’m just afraid it will erode progress on my totally not-crazy goal to always feel like the morally superior one in the relationship ;)

  54. AC says...

    I grab my toddler’s head and fart on it. He announces to the world when he “farted for real.” My partner is still struggling to keep some decorum but it’s a losing battle.
    We have no boundaries in our house.

  55. J says...

    Oh, this really rubs me the wrong way.
    I’m not gonna let the patriarchy hold my farts in.

    • t says...

      ty!! sounds like so much wasted time and energy
      be open about your body/who cares??

    • Sar says...

      To be fair, I don’t think this concept has to be related to patriarchy or gender. I think it’s just personal preference and what you’re comfortable with.

  56. Stephanie says...

    We are farters over here; the problem is that mine always smell worse than my husband’s, which is really unfair.

  57. Louise says...

    I’d been seeing (not really even dating yet) this guy in college for 2 weeks when he invited me to his final performance for an interpretive dance class he was taking at the time. I reluctantly agreed and ending up going by myself. The performance was low key, on a weeknight after dinner and I only recognized a small handful of the students in his class. I sat in the back of the small dance studio (it had only been 2 weeks!) and watched as the other groups performed. Finally it was his turn; he had 3 other students in his group. The end of the dance culminated in (don’t ask why) a human pile on the floor whereby they all laid down on top of each other. At 6 4″, he’d been chosen to be on the bottom. The first 2 people piled on top of him no problem. But when the forth laid down on the pile, someone (him?) let out the loudest fart I’d ever heard in my life. The room erupted, it was him, and despite his best efforts he ended up getting an A- in the class (which he attributes to “the fart”). We laughingly met after the performance and agreed it was fair game to start farting in front of one another from there on out. Soon after I called my best friend and told her I’d found the one. This was a guy I wanted to be with – someone I could be entirely myself with – someone who didn’t take himself too seriously. Eleven years later, my husband still farts just as loud and we’re expecting our first child in September. I couldn’t feel more lucky.

    • Mel says...

      This is adorable.

    • writergal says...

      Love.

    • Bree says...

      Such a great story Louise! I was cry/laughing reading it!

    • megs283 says...

      ok, I can’t stop laughing at this story!!! hahahaha

  58. LOL! OMG! I am so glad to know that I was not the only woman on earth who was confronted with this issue. What is it with men and bodily functions? To appease my then-boyfriend, I actually burped outloud (but not in public) so he would leave me alone about the subject. He was so elated you would have thought his favorite football team had just scored the winning touchdown. MEN!

  59. i have never tooted in front of my husband though he has accidentally done so in front of me, which is not a big to me.

    when we were still dating i had to get a colonoscopy and he was my person who took me and then cared for me after. anyone who has gone through this procedure knows that afterward you are pump full of air and encouraged to get it out. coming out from under anesthesia he was by myself and the nurse was telling me to let loose and in my drowsy state i started crying and said “i can’t! my mysteriousness will fade!”

  60. Anamaria says...

    This conversation was a typical conversation my parents always had with each other. Typical dad, always farted. Typical mom, never. Not even after 25 years together. It became a family joke that my mom just didn’t and was somehow an evolved human or something. Then 10 years ago my dad was diagnosed with a terminal illness. He unfortunately got very ill just one year after his diagnosis and we found ourselves saying goodbye to him over the course of just a few days. Thank goodness his sense of humor was still with him because when we as a family were having a particularly sad day in the hospital with him, he asked my mom, ” Could you please just fart for me? It’s my dying wish.” Then he winked at her. Later that night as I was coming back to his room from a vending machine, I could see my parents bent over in laughter but as soon as my mom saw me, she flushed a little and quieted down. I never asked, but I am 99% positive she did it.

    • Laura C. says...

      Oh my God, this story! Your dad sounds so amazing and funny! So sorry he is gone Ana. Lots of hugs for you and thanks for sharing.

    • Haylee says...

      Love love love this :)

    • Anna says...

      This is completely beautiful. What a love story.

  61. Liz says...

    These comments have me laughing so hard I have tears streaming down my face. Once, early in our relationship, my now husband and I went out for buffalo chicken wings, which apparently gave me such bad gas that it woke him from a sound sleep later that night. I tried to blame it on my dog but he wasn’t having it. There was nothing to hide after that. That may have been the moment I knew it was true love. He can’t accuse me of not warning him about what he was getting into at least.

  62. Rachael says...

    How are so many people against farting??? It brings laughs, it makes you feel better.. I’m obviously not taking about farting around with coworkers or in a restaurant but man.. maybe you guys should try it! ;)

  63. Shelli G. says...

    Been with my husband for almost 7 years, married a little over 1 and we both fart in front of each other and have for a while. His are loud but otherwise harmless, mine are the silent-but-deadly-type, so mine do a lot more damage. I have always refused to be embarrassed by my farts so I always laugh mine off even if they’re terrible. If he is farting a lot, he’ll be jokingly defiant about them. There are plenty of other ways to be mysterious with your significant other besides holding in your farts (which I’ve never been able to do anyways).

  64. Sara G says...

    In high school, my friends and I all had a benchmark for dating, which was – can you talk about poop with them? Not like that’s the only conversation piece, but can you comfortably say “ugh, I just had awful poops” or something like that. If yes, and without any negative attitude from the guy: he’s decent. If no, and especially if they act grossed out about it or specifically say anything about it not being womanly: boy, bye. It’s actually been an interesting indicator that stuck with me into adulthood dating, because to me it is important to be able to at the very least SPEAK about that kind of stuff, if not be able to joke and laugh about it, etc. – I’d never be able to have a partner that I’d have to tiptoe around the subject in front of. My boyfriend and I have been together for five years and have always been cool about it, but we passed a true bowel movement threshold when we both got an awful stomach virus… as we both were hanging out with buckets, disheveled and running to the bathroom every five minutes, my boyfriend looked at me with loving eyes and said “I’ve never felt closer to you.” #truelove – lol.

    • Marti says...

      Yes! I love this. My friends and I always had a similar benchmark and I don’t remember ever coming to a point with my (now) husband when anything felt off-limits or too human. Even though we always spoke openly, we definitely tried to be on our best bodily behavior for the first few years of our relationship and even our first year of marriage… that is, until, we both got food poisoning while traveling. Tiny Icelandic cabin in the middle of nowhere, one bathroom… Oof. It was brutal but a true bonding experience!

  65. Ann says...

    It has always blown my mind when people say they don’t fart/burp in front of their significant other! My family (maybe we’re the weird ones) has never been subtle about that stuff, and is definitely into that low brow humor. My Grandparents got us a fart book for Christmas one year…. ever heard of the ‘the dog did it’ fart? I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost three years. He’s in med school and was the person who was around when I got my first UTI and there couldn’t have been a better person to have had by my side for that. I think the fact that he’s un-phased by “gross” bodily functions has also helped me feel like it’s no big deal! I’m not saying you need to cause a scene anytime you fart, but why be uncomfortable?? He also just went on a road trip with my family to visit extended family and we had bean soup one night… my family was a laughing, farting MESS. Welcome to the fam.

    • Megan says...

      hah, our families sound similar in terms of finding farts hilarious. My husband comes from a family that farts but then pretends nothing happened (WHAT?! How can I ignore that…) so he’s had to adjust to finding all farts and burps laughable and often worth commenting on…

  66. Kate says...

    First, I’m dying at these comments. Second, I’ve always tried to keep my toots to a minimum but I’m pregnant with our first child and one of my biggest and most consistent side effects has been gas! So, for the sake of baby, I say “FARTS AWAAAAY!!!”

  67. Emily says...

    I am so not okay with farting in a relationship. Probably stems from having two brothers who pinned me down and farted on me in my childhood. It takes all the romance away.

    • Blaire says...

      Emily I have two older brothers too. My husband recently had to dispose of a dead mouse. When he got it into the dust pan I screamed “do NOT throw that at me!” And ran away. He was so confused “why would I throw a dead mouse at you???”
      Multiple older brothers leave some strange permanent emotional damage 😂

  68. Katie says...

    My spouse of 15 years always held his gas in. It wasn’t until recently that he started farting in front of me. To be honest, I wish he’d go back to keeping it in. I was alway too shy to fart in front of him (pregnancy changed that). I’m sure he wishes I’d go back to holding my farts in too😉

  69. Karen says...

    Singles wine and cheese tasting = singles fart suppression

  70. Michelle says...

    I have always been gassy. Both of my parents are also gassy so maybe it’s genetic? Either way, I grew up where farting was just something that happened. Dogs would be blamed. Laughs would be had. It wasn’t a big deal. When I met my now husband, we started out as friends and then over a year later we started dating. We were comfortable around each other from the get go. In fact, after the first time we slept together–my husband farted. I looked at him shocked. He looked back at me and shrugged. It’s been game on since that moment. I have never felt like being gassy is something I have to hide since he’s right next to be being just as farty if not more so.

  71. Sarah says...

    I have IBS. And it was like the third or fourth date with my boyfriend. He was going to meet my sister and BIL. While I was waiting for him to show, I started having terrible stomach cramps. I was nervous/excited so I knew what was happening (usually a trigger). We were meeting at a little bar that I had never been in and didn’t know where the restrooms were. But there was a 7-Eleven across the street. I ran over there and did my “duty”, thanking my lucky stars that I made it. I ran back to the bar and ten minutes or so later the boyfriend arrived. Oh my gosh! He looked great and I was already in love with him or so I thought. He met my sister and BIL and then we moved down to the end of the bar, were talking and I must’ve had diarrhea of the mouth because the next thing I knew – I’m telling him the whole story and my IBS issue!! Good grief! What the hell was wrong with me?? But he thought it was cute in a sorta gross way. That was almost 15 years ago and that boyfriend is now my husband.

    • Amy Lee Graham says...

      OH MY GOSH, I loved this story!!! :) I have IBS too, and often on dates, with the anxiety ramping up, and eating rich, restaurant food, I’ve had many uncomfortable experiences!! Some traumatizing! Anyway, my husband is a medical professional, and very matter-of-fact about bodily functions, so thank goodness I can tell him when I need a bathroom NOW. (Well, the panic and terror in my face is a pretty good give-away. haha!) But, while we were dating, I kept leaving the room all the time when we watched movies, and it was hard to make up reasons! (I’d leave to go fart in the bathroom…) haha!

  72. Kathleen says...

    This is such a funny dialogue and I love it. That being said, I haaaaaaate farting. I hate the word, I honestly can barely say it. I think it’s so rude and gross – even though I totally know it’s human and we all do it. I would rather let 100 people watch me give birth than pass gas audibly in front of someone.

    Haha do I need therapy?

    • Trisha says...

      I feel EXACTLY the same way Kathleen. But after reading all these stories, I wish I didnt!

    • Kel says...

      Kathleen, I get it. When I’m alone, fine. But I have a very sensitive sniffer and it is the grossest to be enveloped in someone else’s fumes direct from their organs. Worse than being sneezed on! We are considering getting another dog after ours sadly died a few months ago. But honestly, I don’t think I can handle the dog farts. At least you can teach your kids to step out of the room first!

    • Nicole says...

      Team this.

    • megs283 says...

      have you given birth before? because those 100 people would probably hear you fart, and see you poop, too!

  73. Lisa says...

    This post and comments are hilarious. I am notoriously gassy. My kiddo thinks it’s hilarious and my husband rolls his eyes. I got over farting in front of my husband when I was pregnant – I so relate to the pregnant commenter who said she is surprised she doesn’t fly around like a balloon losing its air. (although, a little off topic, I stopped being so gassy when I lowered my carb intake and upped my fat intake. My husband is very thankful for the decrease in flatulence).

  74. MP says...

    7 months pregnant here, and I can very much relate to this. I’ve heard that you’ve got to leave your dignity at the door while giving birth, and let me just say that throughout this pregnancy between throwing up, being extra gassy, constipated, and all of the extra bodily fluids any sense of demureness has disintegrated.

    • Ashley says...

      8 months pregnant with my 3rd and you are definitely correct. My husband has decided to keep me anyways ;)

    • Rebecca says...

      So true!!

  75. maia says...

    I just met someone I reaaally like, after being single for too long, and I already feel sweet and sour about the fartness freedom of my single life! 😊
    I wondered how chill we could get in the next steps so this article arrives at the perfect timing!