Design

Have a Fun Weekend.

Toby and Anton Halloween

What are you up to this weekend? We’re going to a new-to-us Italian restaurant, hitting up a few playgrounds, and giving the side-eye to daylight savings time. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

How to host a dinner party when you don’t feel like cooking. (Agreed.)

This woman’s story of postpartum depression made me both laugh and cry. “I had a water birth! I had a baby nurse! I had placenta pills! I had a nervous breakdown.”

Wedding comics, haha.

A live stream of a Norwegian train, if you want to chill out your mind for a second.

How pretty is this bedroom?

The lost art of talking on the phone.

Sooooo into these velvet leggings. (These are cool, too.)

Have you tried CBD oil? People are going bananas for it. (NYT)

Two new dads ask themselves: “Call me by what name?

Why you should dress your salad twice.

Plus, a reader comment:

Says Oneida on things that inspire you: “My older daughter is a quiet observer at school. She flies under the radar and never asks to be the center of attention but sometimes worries that she isn’t ‘good’ enough because she doesn’t get as many positive reinforcements as other kids. It breaks my heart to see her little perfectionist heart wonder. Most of the time, she doesn’t care at all that everyone else around her is getting praised and sung about. When her little sister got a student of the month award, she didn’t think the school clapped long enough, so she clapped extra long after everyone finished. It makes me think of the hundreds, maybe thousands of people out there who are maybe not doing anything noteworthy enough for others to crow about, but they are being kind team players and choosing the good of all over their own shining moment. They know celebrating others doesn’t mean you are lesser yourself, and they are quietly going about their days doing the work in front of them and asking for nothing in return. So, if that’s anyone here, I just want to say, I see you and I’m clapping extra long for you.”

(Photo from Cup of Jo’s Instagram. Phone call via Erin.)

  1. Jana says...

    Does anyone know the story with the train video? It says “LIVE” but I’m watching at around 4:30 pm Eastern time, which is 10:30 pm in Norway, and the sun should have set 6 hours ago but the video shows that it’s light out. Just curious!

  2. Hannah says...

    Oneida’s comment really struck close to home. I so appreciate the thought and it was incredibly needed today!

  3. Terese says...

    Oneida’s comment made me cry. Life can be so challenging and I am so grateful for people — both big and small — who make the extra effort to recognize others in acts of everyday generosity. Thank you Oneida!

    Jo, you and your staff have created a lovely community here. On the web, and during these troubled times, it is a bright spot of encouragement, kindness and fun. Thanks to you all too!

  4. Catherine says...

    Stephanie, thank you for your reply about CBD info. I work in medical cannabis in Canada and have to say that there were some inaccuracies about CBD/cannabis in the NYT article (no offence, Alex!). CBD is not inherently flavourless because it is the same cannabis flower that all other cannabinoids come from. You can smoke it or vape it as a dried flower, or you can get distilled oil or tincture. The oil will have a strong cannabis smell and flavour, tinctures I’m not so sure about because they’re not legal in Canada. The thing about cannabis though is the terpenes present in the flowers that provide the “entourage effect” – they are usually removed when distilling oils and tinctures, so you’re only getting part of the effects. The other BIG issue is of regulation of cannabis products – especially CBD products – they are being intentionally misrepresented as containing much more CBD than they really do and there are really not many regulations or checks in place to protect consumers from false advertising. The best you can do is get medical grade products that have official testing in place so you are sure that you are getting what you pay for! Or, go super-duper local and find a producer that you 100% trust to be telling the truth with their products.

    If you’re curious about cannabinoids and the human body (CBD, THC and more – there are 113 known cannabinoids!) I wrote a couple short articles:
    https://cannabissupplyco.ca/cannabinoids-thc-cbd-and-more/
    https://cannabissupplyco.ca/the-endocannabinoid-system-what-is-it/
    https://cannabissupplyco.ca/cannabis-species-the-four-species/

  5. The PPD article is so on point. I’m so happy to see more people sharing their experiences with this because it still seems like a topic that is not as widely reported on. Did you know that a startup is about to release the first ever medication for PPD? (I forget the name!). xx Nadia

    • Amy H says...

      So interested to learn more about a ppd med! Please post if you remember

  6. CaraM says...

    We took the train ride from Oslo to Bergen during our last trip to Scandinavia. It was the highlight of the entire trip. It was hands down the best train ride I’ve ever taken – breathtaking and beautiful. It really defied description.

  7. Alexis says...

    We watched the marathon! It runs right past our block. This year I got to explain to my son that it’s not just a race. People come from all over the world to participate and represent their countries, families, and organizations. We saw blind runners and runners who were missing limbs. We saw the really fast pro runners and then the huge groups of runners in costumes, NYPD and FDNY runners, old runners, young runners. So much fun. I watch it every year and I cry every time.

  8. ashley says...

    As New Yorkers, I always feel disappointed when I don’t see that your family is going to experience the marathon. Whether into running or not, it’s such a great day in NYC that brings out an infectious energy. Truly something to experience and great for kids.

  9. Just have to say that I was a skeptic when it came to the whole CBD oil thing. Then I was in a local health food store and someone was selling it [https://www.ralphsgarden.com/]. I wasn’t going to buy it, but his customers kept flocking around him and telling me how good the salve is. I bought some and it’s the real deal. I get aches and pains in my back and shoulders and the salve really gets rid of them. Plus it smells good.

  10. Lucy says...

    Holy wow, that Norwegian train live stream might be as good as meditation. Favorited.

  11. This PPD article has helped me to further articulate my recent experience with PPD. The falling into a black hole numerous times a day, feeling like I just wasn’t cut out to be a mother as I was doing well at work and falling apart at home, trying to pin my extreme anxiety and feelings of unhappiness on another area of my life. I refused to acknowledge I was suffering as I had weaning depression with my first child and because I weaned incredibly slowly the second time round I felt there was no way I could get it again as I was ‘doing it right this time.’ It has been a painful experience, some days I just wanted to leave and felt I wouldn’t be missed. Thankfully I’m on the other side of it now. I’d advise everyone to get your hormones checked if you are feeling like this, there are many natural herbal remedies to help your body find a balance again postpartum.

  12. Wow, that reader comment from Oneida really hit me in the stomach. So very well summed up and something so relateable for so many. Maybe also a reminder to express love and gratitude to those special people (in your own way—doesn’t need to be a loud proclamation).

  13. Yvonne says...

    Good morning. Happy weekend. Just had to say how much I love your site and how you are a very BIG part of my morning ritual. Thank you for all the great content and sharing your day to days with us. Keep it coming!

  14. Lindsey says...

    Did I spy Alex at The Polo Bar last night? We are visiting NYC and we’re running out of the restaurant on our way to a play, but I felt like I spotted a celebrity! :))

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Yes!! He was there with friends!

  15. K says...

    Oneida, your comment really made me tear up. So beautiful. Your daughter is lucky to have such an awesome mom – and vice versa, of course. I used to be that kid – still kinda am. So, thank you <3

  16. Ashley says...

    Oneida’s comment! What a blessing. Wow. <3

  17. Lisa says...

    The world really needs more people like Oneida’s daughter.

    The PPD article was VERY close to home – also a small age gap (we’d struggled to conceive our first had to do so through IVF, so when I feel pregnant with the second it was a bit “you can fall pregnant just by having sex?!”) and the same thing of depression + anxiety which is a terrible combo when you’re with a baby and a toddler. I’m still coming out of it and have moments where I have to think “do I truly hate my job? Or is this the depression talking?”
    One thing which may have triggered it was going onto the progesterone only pill, and after I was diagnosed by my GP and started the referral process, it was then that my health visitor said it was quite common. So that sucks

  18. CH says...

    Oneida’s beautiful comment put me in mind of George Eliot’s Middlemarch—I think of the last few sentences all of the time: “Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the work is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.”

    • Ellie says...

      Wow. Thank you. I am a high school English teacher who read Middlemarch 40 years ago. It is a dear friend’s favorite book, and you have just convinced me to put it on my reading list for this winter.

  19. Heather says...

    I loved the comment by Oneida! My friend did something I really liked for her daughter who was in a similar situation. Her 1st grade daughter was doing fine in school but wasn’t standing out. My friend noticed and wrote a note about how well her daughter was doing with her reading assignments and how much she was improving and then she left it unsigned and put it in her daughters school folder. Her daughter didn’t know who the note was from – her teacher? Her reading aid? The parent volunteer? But loved that her efforts were noticed and recognized.

    • Anna says...

      Extra long clap for Oneida and for your friend too! I was the little girl that flew under the radar too. I had to move schools in middle school, and I still remember the note my bus driver wrote me on my last day at my old school. Being praised all the time isn’t necessary, nor is always being the star, but it is especially good to share praise for the important things like being nice and respectful :)

  20. Jenny says...

    I have two daughters, the youngest I had on my own two years ago. I came home from the hospital with her when she was one day old and we spent much of the first two weeks just getting acquainted as moms and newborns do. To keep myself grounded, I found the Norwegian train videos and just left them going on the tv. It was just the right peaceful background for establishing the rhythm of those blissful days❤️

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      That’s beautiful, Jenny!

  21. Justine says...

    Oneida…. wow….

  22. Heather says...

    Oneida, I’m about to go run a middle-of-the-pack 5k on my way to a back-of-the-pack half marathon next saturday. Your words and perspective on your daughter are a blessing. Love from all of us quietly putting the work in. We hear your applause.

  23. Janice OKane says...

    The Everynight Salad is going to become my go-to salad – brilliant and sooo simple! Love it!

  24. Stella says...

    We are loving watching the train, it’s weirdly addictive…

  25. Jenny says...

    Inquiring minds want to know: what were Toby and Anton for Halloween?!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      A power ranger and a cowboy! :)

  26. Heather says...

    A funny thing I realized this past year is that Daylight Saving Time is during the summer (March-November) months, not the winter! Winter is Standard Time. I think this is a common misconception, and that many of us associate DST with the dark days of winter. But if it wasn’t for DST, the sun would be setting an hour earlier year round instead of just in the winter! (The time change is tough no matter what, but when I hear people talk about getting rid of DST, I wonder if they actually want the opposite.)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      How fascinating! Never knew this xoxo

    • Helena says...

      I live in Sweden and I definitely would like for DST to become the norm. In Sweden (in the south where I live) in the summer, the sun sets at 10-11 pm at night, so we really don’t need another hour of light in the evening. But, in the winter when the sun sets at 3 pm (yes! And way up north the sun never rises or is up for about an hour only) we REALLY, I mean REALLY, need that extra hour of light in the afternoon. Alas, that’s the time when we set our clocks back an hour. To get more darkness… Every year it bugs the cr*p out of me and I think that every country should set its own time, according to the needs of that specific country. Sweden has a very high suicide rate in the winter, and honestly, it’s not hard to understand why since most of us here go to work in the dark and return home in the dark. If we have a short lunch break we don’t actually see the light at all during the winter months 😓

  27. Joy says...

    Haha – I just bought my first ever velvet leggings AND velour sweatshirt for my bat costume this Halloween, and I can’t get over them. This may be my new uniform forever. My kids are like, “You’re so soooooooooft.”

  28. Laura says...

    Sheish Onieda, that hit me right in the heart. Oh and it occurred to me after reading that article…I think I have PPD. It’s so hard up identify when you are 2 kids deep in craziness and your house is a mess and you are a working mom- whether this is just life now… or whether maybe you’re depressed

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Laura, after having two bouts of deep PPD, I’ve realized: if you have to ask yourself if you are depressed, you are depressed. I hope you’re having in there, it’s so so hard but it WILL pass and it’s NOT your life and you’re not alone. Postpartum.net is a great resource and has lists of therapists around the country xoxoxoxo sending so much love to you mama!!!!

    • Jenny says...

      Laura, I’m sorry you’re feeling this way and I’m with you. I have a 3 year old and 6 month old and it’s so tiring and relentless and crazy (and fun and sweet and lovely, but still, so intense)…and I have recently had the thought of “is this ppd?” It is really hard to know if you just need a break or if it’s something more. Taking your words to heart, Joanna, and from the interview, and am going to try to finally talk to someone about this.

  29. carrie says...

    oh, Oneida’s comment. I feel that so deeply. thank you, thank you for putting words to it.

  30. Aimee says...

    Totally disagree with this thing on the blog of having people over but order fried chicken or deli food. Like no, both are gross. If you want to hang with your friends and don’t want to cook – go to a restaurant. I would be so pissed if I bothered to show up to someone’s house and found some deli food or friend chicken. I’d a) just have wine, and b) eat something healthy on the way home, and c) complain a lot to my husband when I got home. I’d also never go over to their house for dinner again and absolutely never invite that person over either (since they made zero effort when they invited me).

    • Kim says...

      You sound like a real joy.

    • Katie Larissa says...

      The article DOES say: “ Honestly, if your friends show up expecting a side of slow roasted salmon and get upset when they see a paper bucket holding crispy, golden brown legs and thighs…maybe get new friends?”
      :)
      I know as a mom of 3, sometimes I’m too stretched and tired to plan something elaborate, but I want to spend time with loved ones and friends. So I do something simple along the way, and sometimes I do something fancy. Either way, we have a great time fellowshipping!
      (And, if I go to a friend’s house, I love it when they do something easy, because I believe it means they are comfortable with me!)
      Just my 2 cents.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      I so agree, katie! It’s all about having a fun chill night with people you love.

    • Dana says...

      Katie I SO agree. I rarely have people over, because when I do I research the perfect-for-everyone meal and have seasonal and coordinating apps, drinks, and main. I LOVE doing that, but it’s exhausting so I do it infrequently. This week I thought – I just really want to see my friends! I invited people over last minute for Halloween, and just picked up a salad from Costco and ordered pizza. We ate while we listened to a spooky playlist, and then took the kids trick or treating. It felt amazing to let myself off the hook. Dinner parties are fun, but not as important as connecting with people that matter to me. :)

    • Sasha L says...

      1. If the folks that invite you over think fried chicken or Costco pizza is nice, then either they actually think those are nice foods, and even someone who’s picky as hell and a food snob like myself, can appreciate that we have different values and it’s ok. OR their life is hard right now, so all they can manage is fried chicken or take out, but they are desperate enough for friendship and company to invite you over anyways, and hoping just as desperately that you won’t judge.
      2. The only decent and appropriate response in either case is a big “wow! Thank you! I’m so happy to spend time with you!! And this is delicious!” I think if one can’t muster that then maybe they don’t really like the folks who invited them to begin with??

    • t says...

      Hi Aimee, I have friends similar to you. I love and adore them but they would not be willing to eat take out fried chicken for dinner (which BTW seems like the hardest take out item to serve because cold fried chicken is NOT tasty to me).

      If I invited those friends I would certainly give them a heads up ahead of time and say something like “I so want time with you but I am not in the mood to cook so this is what we are having. No hard feelings if you are not up for that.” I have other friends who couldn’t care less what I was serving and whether I worked hard in the kitchen or not (and whether it is healthy or not).

      We all know our friends and what is important to them so I do think a good host can EASILY do take out but target it to their audience. That being said, I don’t think it is zero effort to host even if it is take out. The clean up ahead and after is legit as is spending time and money getting said take out.

      Just FYI for me my big thing when going to someones house for dinner is I want dessert. So many people don’t serve dessert! It can be something simple and store bought (ice cream) but I need to finish my dinner with a bite of something sweet. If you don’t serve dessert I won’t complain and I will certainly come back and invite you over (if the company is pleasant) but rest assured I am bringing dessert next time.

    • Aimee says...

      To clarify, I am not saying I expect a feast at someone’s house when I’m invited over. Something simple is fine, if they decided they don’t want to cook we can do a restaurant and it’s fine. But the I’m having a dinner party and having KFC or deli food, is not a dinner party and not cool. It’s a hey come over and let’s eat take out or do you want to come share my KFC with me party. Those are fine things, but not a dinner party. If you invite some one over for a dinner party, you’ve got to make a little effort even if it’s simple food. Tons of things can be pulled together without much effort ( look at most the recipes on this blog) and it’s that personal touch that counts and makes it a dinner party versus sharing take out.

    • Hayes says...

      This thread just goes to show that we all have different ideas of what a nice night with friends looks like. Personally, I would so much rather go to someone’s house and eat take out than go to a restaurant with a big group of people. #1) I’m not a foodie. I enjoy a good meal, but I can have a glass of wine with my friends and a slice of pizza and be very happy. #2) I don’t always love dinner at a restaurant with a group. You have to sit next to the same two people all night. There is none of that wonderful mixing it up that occurs at someone’s house. And there is nothing better than the homey atmosphere at a, well, home. — This summer I had a group of friends over and bought most of the food at a store that does nicer take-out. But I still had to clean, set the table, buy beer and wine, and light candles. At the end of the meal we cranked the music and people were literally dancing on the table. (Most of us are in our early 60s.) It was deemed by all who were there as “the best night of the summer.” And I suspect it would have had the same result had I ordered pizza.

    • Emily says...

      I am a BIG fan of the dinner party post. We do the same thing pretty frequently. We stop by our local grocery store grab some grilled chicken from the deli, a few chicken tenders for the kids, a bag of salad, some rolls, and some cookies from the bakery for dessert. It feeds an army for less than $35.

      It’s a great go-to when you want to coordinate a last minute picnic at the park, dinner with neighbors, a low key evening with friends, and nights it’s too hot to cook.

      What I also find interesting is my mom is such a skilled cook and entertainer, but I think she over did it with her dinner parties. Everything was so well thought out and planned to the very last detail but in the end I think it intimidated the guests. Sure, they enjoyed themselves, but I wonder if they felt like they wouldn’t be able to reciprocate a similar type of evening in their homes.

      I’ve taken an opposite approach now that I’m an adult and like to keep things warm, welcoming, and low key. I find my social life is much more full than my parents was and I think it is largely because there isn’t so much prep work! No one feels like they need to “put on a show”…. they can simply be themselves.

  31. Alexandra P. says...

    Next on your local Italian restaurants has GOT TO BE Noodle Pudding in Brooklyn Heights if you haven’t been already. Di-vine.

  32. Nicole says...

    Love your Friday links, and always look forward to them. I recall you used to indicate the links that were NYT articles- any chance you could start that again? Between today and the newsletter yesterday, I have used up 2 of my articles and it’s only Nov 2. Thanks:)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Oh yes! Adding right now! Also clear your cache or use an incognito browser window if you want to reset. Thank you!! Xo

    • Sunny says...

      Or you could subscribe. Not to nag, but I combine use my NPR subscription to also get the NYT, and it’s made my life so much easier. And I feel great about supporting good, insightful journalism from two of my favorite sources.

    • Laura says...

      Or support the NYT! The online only subscription is pretty cheap and they run special prices regularly. In the last couple of years we’ve done some budget adjustments to be able to better support high-quality, un-biased journalism. It’s seems more important now than ever before.

    • Nicole says...

      I did subscribe for many, many years to both the Sunday print and digital versions, but I had to quit last month due to financial constraints. After you run out of the trial price, it really starts to add up, and you can’t use promotions again. I welcome any donations toward my media subscription fund (kidding!). Hopefully again soon.

      Joanna, thanks for adding it, and thanks for the tip re: browser/cache.

  33. jeannie says...

    Such a lovely roundup!

  34. Sarah Beth says...

    I loved the story about the lost art of talking on the phone. I remember coming home from school and immediately getting on the phone with my friends– my mom would ask “what can you possibly have to talk about, you were with them all day!” and I remember being so annoyed, bc there was TONS to talk about, mostly all the things we couldn’t say around our teachers and the various classmates we didn’t like that week. Plus, I was a teenager right when cellphones came into every day use. We all had the same nokia phone with 100 precious minutes on it a month– I remember always checking how long we’d been having a conversation, and if you were at 2 min and 1 second, you better talk for another 59 seconds to get your full minute’s worth– we’d “talk to the end of the minute,” then just hang up! like the author, I hate talking on the phone now, but I still basically talk to my best friends all day, thanks to whatsapp and imessage. (also, like the author, we LOVED soap operas, and I had that same big-button phone she described– I knew exactly what it was before I clicked on the link to the picture!)

    • Charlotte K says...

      My best friend and I (in the age of land lines only) talked for HOURS on the phone every single day after school. We had ear cooling breaks, believe it or not. Our phone was a wall phone (dial, of course) in our stairwell, the ONLY phone in our house. I would lie upside down on the stairs, with the phone stuck to my ear. The calls usually ended when one of us got summoned for supper! So much fun, those were the days, though she and I text and email only now. Talking on a cell phone just ain’t the same as a big handset on a coiled cord (beige).

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Ear cooling breaks!!!! <3

  35. Roxy says...

    I recently picked up a CBD bath bomb while visiting my parents in California. I used it a few nights ago, and I have to say, it was the most zen bath experience I’ve ever had! Even the sound of the neighbor’s baby/music/whatsoundslikechainsaws just melted away. I’ve also got a tincture on my bedside table that I’ll drop under my tongue when feeling particularly anxious.

  36. t says...

    Mixing sperm is actually a thing. Although it doesn’t combine the genes of both dads it does allow for a surprise as to who the biological father is.

  37. t says...

    I don’t think there is much difference choosing what your kids will call you whether you are a same sex couple or hetero couple or any other type of parent or label you identify with so I was surprised that it was enough of a topic to make this weeks links. But maybe that was the intent: for it to be relatable to everyone?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      In heterosexual couples, in my experience, the woman is a mix of “mom,” “mommy,” “mama,” Etc, and the man is a mix of “dad,” “daddy,” etc. but with same sex couples i know, each person goes with a more specific moniker (dad + papa; daddy + dodo; etc) so the names are different and less confusing when everyone’s referring to each other. Does that help clarify what the dads were talking about here? Thank tou! Xo

    • t says...

      Interesting. I am one half of a same sex couple and our 6 year olds call us both any variation of mom, mama and mommy and same with most of our same sex couple friends.

      The few couples we know who tried to delineate when the kids were babies gave up because teachers/family/friends/strangers/everyone cant remember who is who. They just say things like “listen to your mommy” or whatever. Which I found pretty comparable to our hetero couple friends who initially said “I want to be called mommy” or “I prefer mom”. It all just happens somewhat organically over time in my experience.

      *big exception (again in my experience) is when one parent is a step parent or doesn’t specifically identify as female or male

    • t says...

      I also want to add that my wife is sensitive to people asking what our kids call her. We had our children together and we selected a donor racially similar to my wife but our kids have my coloring and are not genetically related to my wife. So when people ask what they call her it feels to her like like they are suggesting the kids should call her something other than the standard mom, mama, mommy (whether that is the intention or not).

      Her usual retort is “Do you ask hetero parents the same question?” Just something to think about although I know LOTS of people who are not sensitive to that question.

  38. Emily says...

    Canine CBD has prolonged my old dog’s life by 2 years. Steroids and muscle relaxers did not help her lower back and hip issues, but one day soon after giving her CBD, she was jumping back on the sofa, and her coat is beautiful again. It literally revived my baby girl and kept me from putting her down because she struggled just to walk. She does not look or act like a 14 year old dog. I use a brand called Therabis. It was created by a vet.
    Joanna, I was expecting you to direct everyone to the Harry Stiles interview w/ Timothee Chalamet for I-D Vice article. I love those two soooo much!

  39. Ramona says...

    I like that post about postpartum depression. There’s always that sense of shame in admitting you’re not supermom, and confessing that you’ve had postpartum depression can trigger that. When I had postpartum depression with my first, I thought the same thing the blogger did–it wasn’t so extreme that I was thinking of jumping off a bridge or something, so I probably just had baby blues. I didn’t realize how out of scope my reactions and thinking were until my daughter was 1. With baby #2, I started seeing a therapist while pregnant. And I’m happy to report that it turns out this whole newborn thing is A LOT easier when you don’t have crippling depression!

    Now I always ask my new mom friends about their mental health. I just flat out say, “If you’re secretly thinking you’re not cut out to be a mom, or are wishing you could undo this decision sometimes, that’s not you talking, that’s postpartum depression and you can see a therapist for that.”

    • Sasha L says...

      You should like a really good friends Ramona. We should all be helping the new mamas out there by talking about ppmds. And de-idealizing motherhood. It’s really hard.

  40. t says...

    Old Navy has GREAT velvet skinny jeans.

  41. Holly says...

    My city has a live feed of the city’s outdoor ice skating rink and I often watch it at work in the winter months when I need to relax for a minute. There are usually only one or two people skating there mid-day on a weekday and just watching them skate around and around from above is so peaceful.

    • Colleen S says...

      I love the sound of skates on the ice. If this has sound, I will look into something like this where I live.

  42. Katie says...

    I could have easily been Oneida’s daughter growing up! I still am to some degree, only I’ve learned to speak up and advocate for myself. It’s a daily, albeit necessary struggle.

    I truly appreciate that you recognize this about your daughter and others. As a once shy, still quiet observer who is uncomfortable in the spotlight, I thank you.

    • same here :) i got an award from my home ec teacher in high school and i always remember that she called me a “quiet leader” in the book dedication.

    • same here :) i always remember when my culinary teacher in high school gave me an award and in her dedication note in the book she gave me called me a “quiet leader”

  43. Ashley says...

    Oneida’s daughter is awesome! I wish more girls would stand up and support each other.

    And, I love the colors in the teenager room. I don’t like the furniture, though. For some reason the bed reminded me of a hotel room bed and the nightstands are too retro for me. I have two pre-teen daughters and one teenage daughter. Their rooms match their own styles (which are also not mine), making it much homier to them.

  44. Ashley says...

    Wow, Oneida! What a sweet story. Thank you for sharing.

  45. Cheryl says...

    Couldn’t agree less with the Atlantic writer’s take on Mister Rogers’ suggestion to “look for the helpers” to help cope with the emotional impact of a tragic event like the synagogue massacre. This is advice that can indeed help people of ALL ages, not just preschoolers. An adult can certainly become a helper as well, as the two are not mutually exclusive. Why this “meme” should make any adult feel uncomfortable is a head scratcher.

    Writing from my home near Squirrel Hill in Pittsburgh, the original Mister Rogers neighborhood and the home of Tree of Life synagogue.

    • Dana says...

      Thank you for bringing up the Tree of Life synagogue. I felt somewhat disappointed to see a weekend post titled “have a fun weekend” and no mentioning of this hate crime in any of the links. I know this is a lifestyle blog focusing on the positive. But feel the COJ team has done better job in the past acknowledging similar tragedies.

  46. Bess says...

    I read the article about Mister Rogers’ “look for the helpers” phrase and while I very much agree with most of the author’s sentiments, I do think there is more meaning behind Mister Rogers oft-used words than what was discussed. For me, when tragedy strikes and seems to big to grasp or handle (which is often these days), it’s easy to feel helpless and hopeless. “Look[ing] for the helpers” reminds me of the goodness of humanity, and that we DO have agency. Sometimes I AM the helper, but looking to OTHER helpers is still inspiring and comforting. I’m a teacher, foster-mom, rescue-pet adopter — a helper to many (as we all are in our own unique ways), and looking to other helpers makes me feel less alone, and like together maybe we can figure this shit out!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      “looking to other helpers makes me feel less alone, and like together maybe we can figure this shit out!” = i agree, bess!

  47. Erin says...

    CBD took my anxiety away when 150 mg of Zoloft didn’t make a dent! Life changer!

    • Carrie says...

      I wonder if it’s good for depression also or just anxiety.

    • Jackie Korey says...

      what CBD do you recommend? I got one but don’t love it (aka didn’t think it did anything). thinking maybe I got the wrong one…

    • Erin says...

      I use oil from myamazingcbd.biz

    • Cate says...

      Same here! It’s been a lifesaver too many times to count.

  48. Sarah says...

    Oh goodness. That comment from Oneida just hit a tender spot in my heart. What a perfect thing to send me into the weekend. Thank you!

  49. anne marie says...

    jeez, that mister rogers ‘fetishization’ article is awfully cynical for right now. just because people say ‘look for the helpers’ doesn’t mean they aren’t also helping, or willing to help—there’s no need to turn it into some sort of ‘that’s for KIDS and you’re an ADULT!’ finger-wagging. i understand he’s saying that there are all kinds of different (and potentially destructive) things that different people would constitute as ‘helping,’ but honestly, that article kind of just made me feel crappy about ever feeling like that quote was something to bolster my feelings when shit sucks. well, i never will again i guess, because i’m an adult, and being an adult means not taking comfort in things i learned as a child, apparently. maybe i’m taking it too hard though. interested in what other people think.

    • Cait says...

      I hear you, though I tend to agree a bit with the author. I think part of the problem is that when I first started seeing this quote right after 9/11, it really was for something uniquely overwhelming and distressing. But now it feels like those overwhelming and distressing events are happening weekly all around us and it’s combined with zero meaningful policy changes that would actually help prevent some of those events, and seeing it pop up weekly on my Facebook feed almost feels like we’re cheapening it and making it trite. So maybe we need to combine it with something else – look for the good in the world, but for the love, also stand up and fight like hell against the bad.

  50. Julie B says...

    I was using cbd oil to help bridge the gap with my newly developed RA. It’s been a /really/ hard adjustment mentally and emotionally coming to terms with the diagnosis. While on a trip, I ran out, and my new med was working well enough that I just stopped taking it. Lo and behold, a lot of the emotional upheaval/depression I was feeling was apparently CAUSED by the cbd oil. I know people take it for anxiety and have had wonderful results, and it /did/ help with the pain. But I wish I’d known a lot sooner that it could mess me up so much emotionally!

    • Abby says...

      Julie,

      My very close family member was diagnosed with RA in her forties, which was a traumatic shock, and she has had a lot of success with stopping the progress of the illness through diet. Please reach out if you’d like. RA is so tough, feeling for you!

    • GM says...

      Thank you for sharing this. It seemed odd to me that the NYT article was heavily promoting something that has not been researched thoroughly.

    • Monica says...

      Julie, sending hugs to you! I’m 32 and have had RA since I was 18. I have tried everything under the sun, including CBD oil and it didn’t help me either. It’s such an up and down cycle, hope you find something that can help you for a while! Also, it’s so individual, I have a friend that can completely control with diet – but I tried that for a year with no relief. xoxo

    • Tori says...

      I don’t have rheumatoid arthritis, but I just wanted to chime in that someone I follow on Instagram/blog does, and she has a lot of success with a vegan diet. The handle/blog name is Mama Eats Plants. In case anyone is interested!

    • Sasha L says...

      Julie B, I’m sorry about your RA diagnosis, so hard. My dad has it too, it’s a terrible disease.
      I too tried CBD oil (good stuff from a dispensary) and so desperately wanted it to help me, with any or all of some chronic health problems. I got nada. I also felt worse – sort of high/weird, to the point I could only take before bed, and then I felt headachy/hungoverish in the morning. I felt worse, not better. I know it does help some (many!) and was so hopeful, but it’s not quite the wonder drug that some (especially those selling it via MLM schemes) are making it out to be.

      I hope you do find some relief.

    • Abby says...

      I just wanted to say also, for anyone dealing with RA or other autoimmune disorders, check out the Phoenix Helix blog! phoenixhelix.com

  51. Zima says...

    Oneida’s older daughter, much love from afar. What a beautiful note.

  52. shannon says...

    The velvet joggers = <3 but also, how to wear socks??! Suggestions?

    • Meredith says...

      yes I bought some last winter that are SO comfortable but they have not left the house because I am not sure how to style?

    • Sara says...

      I’m so glad you asked that! I have no answers but I love those joggers but I am not going to be wearing heels with them so i have no idea what shoes would look ok with them, especially for the winter.

    • Rae says...

      I think all joggers look very cute tucked into short booties or with scrunched socks and clogs / clog boots. My friend wears hers with her “cute” sneakers (as opposed to work out sneakers) and they look great but I do think her ankles must be cold with those no-show socks.

  53. Heather says...

    That bedroom for a teenager makes me sad actually! Far too sophisticated, and I think a teen’s bedroom should be the height of PERSONALIZED with tons of posters and pictures!

    • Colleen S. says...

      Thank you!! When I was a teenager, I would have screamed in terror if this was my room. It looks like something my grandma would have liked, and that is no bueno. I liked having the ability to express myself, and wallpaper and shelves with colored pencils is not what I picture teens being into. Heck, I’m 35, and I am not into this.

    • cgw says...

      Ditto ^^^^^!
      -says this mom of a teen (13), and who so thoughtfully decorated the *baby’s* room while anticipating her arrival and realized what a futile endeavor it was when it changed so quickly in a matter of a year or so.

    • Gigi says...

      I agree. The room is beautiful, but it’s hard to believe it’s a room for a teenager. It’s missing the magazine cut-outs, the Xmas lights strung from the ceiling, the photos from the party, the beanbag chair, the art project from 4th grade, the bin of nail polishes, the trophies and medals from any sport/competition, the stack of sketchpads, the shelf of favorite-books-of-all-time, the makeup basket and magnifying mirror, the bin with 4 different pairs of sneakers….essentially all the personalized clutter that makes it a teen’s room.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh but i’m sure the teenager, once she moved in, would plaster up those magazine cut-outs and movie posters, and put nail polish and books everywhere :) this was a designed bedroom for Real Simple as a base room before a teenager moved in. xoxo

    • Abby says...

      Totally agree! And when I read that the designer was inspired by a pre-teen who reads a lot I was like “so where are the book shelves to hold all of those books?!?” and the night stands to either side? I really think this is a lovely bedroom for a grown-up but completely misses the mark with kids/teenagers. Where is the beanbag/sofa/fluffy carpet that friends would sit on when over? Where would all the stuff go that teenagers accumulate?!?
      I do appreciate the tip as to buying furniture that grows or is already suitable for grown-ups! I love every bit that is still in my household and has been with me for 15 years plus.

  54. Gabrielle says...

    Wow, Oneida, thank you. Your comment made me tear up.

    Can we all talk some more about CBD oil?? Everyone is talking about it and I’m intrigued, but also sort of weirded out by it and do not understand where or how to get it.

    • I edit a weed magazine for women, so this is a topic I am fascinated by!

      Instead of the NYT piece, try Dan Nosowitz’s piece on CBD for Vox Goods—it’s definitely a more skeptical take, and offers a more comprehensive introduction while raising some helpful and accurate points: https://www.vox.com/the-goods/2018/11/1/18024806/cbd-oil-vape-hemp

      It’s worth noting that the WHO says that CBD is safe and non-addictive:
      http://www.who.int/features/qa/cannabidiol/en/.

      In the studies we have, CBD is a very promising treatment for a number of conditions (especially epilepsy, and as a potential tool to help with opioid addiction (the Vox article doesn’t mention that, I don’t believe, but that might be the single most transformative use)) and there’s a lot of anecdotal evidence from people who use it for a whole array of things. Still, there just hasn’t been a lot of research in humans; it’s hard to know whether it might help you unless you are willing to try and experiment.

      Complicating things is the fact that if you don’t buy it from a dispensary, it’s hard to be confident you are getting a quality product. Products in dispensaries usually undergo mandated third-party testing, but the supplements in the grocery store don’t.

      As with all things weed, there’s a lot to learn, and in the meantime, we’re all leaning on each others’ stories, and waiting for research to catch up. I’ll be curious to read what other commenters have to say.

    • GM says...

      Stephanie, that Vox article is excellent. Thank you.