Have a Lovely Weekend.

Cherry blossoms by Yossy Arefi

What are you up to this weekend? Toby is having an early birthday party, since he’s turning eight next week. The day he was born still feels like yesterday. We will be having pizza, cake and carousel rides. Hope you have a restful, safe weekend, and here are a few links from around the web…

Most important, we are devastated to hear about today’s Texas school shooting. We upped our monthly donations to Everytown and will be researching more ways to help end gun violence.

The royal wedding means nothing and everything to me.”

The trailer for Tig Notaro’s new Netflix comedy special.

Your pasta can handle more vegetables.

I’ve heard amazing things about this love story, written by a woman on the autism spectrum.

10 tricks to appear smart during meetings.

I swear by this stuff during the warmer months.

How to pack for two weeks in France in a carry-on.

So you want to date a New York museum. Made me laugh.

8 travel editors share the things they only eat on planes.

The wonderful store Misha & Puff is having a big sale. Get an additional 20% off with code CUPOFJO.

Says Tristen on an easy way to make friends: “I feel very un-cool saying this, but some of my lady friends and I accidentally started a Costco club. Basically, time is zero-sum, and we could either hang out or run errands/feed the kids. Costco is amazing, but we live in San Fransisco, so getting there and schlepping your mountain of Costco goods is a whole hot mess, and most people aren’t members. So, we go together and share a membership! It has turned out to be super fun, and the 30 minutes we spend in line fly by when we are laughing together. Plus, what we save on cheese alone has more than covered the cost of membership. True story.”

Says Yvonne on five types of baths: “My granddaughter talked me into letting her take a bath. I watched as she made a ritual of the whole ordeal. She gathered her toys, towel and special soap. I watched her as she climbed into the tub, put her little feet up, leaned back, and started humming to herself as she played with her toys. I asked her what she was doing and she said, ‘I’m taking time out of my busy day to relax. Don’t you relax, Nana?’ And there it was. Life, summed up by a three-year-old.”

(Photo by Yossy Arefi. Meeting tricks via Jocelyn Glei.)

  1. Miranda LC Day says...

    Can I join the CostCoClub? For reals.

  2. Samantha Zutler says...

    I love that article about how to pack for two weeks. I read it though, and couldn’t figure out why all the items were sold out…until I saw the article was from 2014! A more recent article would be great!

  3. ne says...

    The Kiss Quotient <– Oh dear! I am her, or I think I might need to be her… I am not on the spectrum (at least as far as I know), but EVERYTHING else on the blurb is me… except I haven't hired anyone… yet!!

    Hahahaha!! Hey Universe, is it you?

  4. Happy birthday to your “baby”. Ok, maybe not a baby anymore. :)

    This also makes me realize how long I’ve been reading CoJ for (albeit, mostly lurking the website and the comments section for the longest time).

  5. Oh my gosh, Tig’s bit about “googleable questions.” This is my partner! Can’t wait to see her Netflix special.

  6. Going to Costco with my Mum and my sister is totally a bonding experience. We get food to be shared among many, egg each other on to see how many samples we can eat without getting shamed and laugh a lot. I totally get it Tristen.

  7. M says...

    Readers PLEASE share your favorite soap/shampoo/detaggler/cream rinse/ heat protectant. I feel there is some ridiculous code which prevents us from sharing the good stuff with each other… like it is some sort of competition or something… Looking for soap/shower gel that leaves me smelling lovely, rinses clean – so sticky or greasy feel AND the same with hair products. THANK YOU in advance for your recs.
    *** On gun control. PLEASE read this article in the New Yorker and examine your conscience.
    How are we as voters, as citizens, as PARENTS permitting this be a reality in our country????? VOTE. PLEASE VOTE.

    • sasha lindberg says...

      I’m pretty minimal in the personal care department, but here goes: beauty without cruelty shampoo, conditioner and detangler, all natural and no artificial fragrances. And Kirk’s pure Castile bar soap. Really simple, works, cheap. I get both from vitacost online.

  8. Lynda says...

    Since Toby is turning 8 (Happy Big Birthday Toby!!) I was wondering how you dealt with behavioral or disciplinary issues as he was growing up. Toddler issues may be a useful series!

  9. The article on how to appear smart during meetings made me smile. I have this default setting during meetings where I scribble away, occasionally looking up to nod at something someone said. Who knew this could make me appear smart? Funny!

  10. Savannah says...

    I will flip out if they ever stop carrying tomato juice on airlines.

    • I like tomato juice, but I had the guy sitting next to me spill it all over me and him. It smelled (and stained) for the rest of the trip.

  11. R.M. says...

    I AM from Kentucky and that IS pretty much just how I feel about the Met. I’ve loved you so long! Don’t you care about the the way I used to accost strangers on the street to ask them how to find you? How about the long hours I have spent just staring at you or the way I appriciate you for who you are. Now you have become unattainable, someone I can ever really know because I can’t afford to spend time with you.

  12. Laura C. says...

    Oh, for a two weeks trip I couldn’t pack all that stuff. Surely I would be repeating some outfits! But I see the inspiration for this Summer, thanks!

  13. Katha says...

    Here in Germany it is considered bad luck to wish someone a happy birthday before the actual day. So I won’t. But my daughter’s 8th birthday is this weekend, too. So I’ll think of you then ;)

    There is another tpic I’ve been wondering about. I’d love to hear from other readers abou this.
    I read “The royal wedding means nothing and everything to me.” and followed some of the links in the article, including the one in ELLE Magazine in 2015 where Meghan wrote about finding her identity as a mixed race woman. The same question I asked myself when you linked to “An open letter to the guy who didn’t believe my ethnicity even though it was none of his business.”.

    What is this obession with race? Is it about heritage? Is this an US-American thing?
    Dear European readers – do you get asked these question as well? In the same way / intensity?
    Is it because I wouldn’t probably asked most if these questions that I don’t get why people do? It is onvious to me why I never get asked such questions but so very incomprehensible why anyone would.

    • Hey Katha,

      Wanted to answer your question as best as I can based on my own experience. For background, I’m Iranian and African American (look mostly Ethiopian), and grew up in Thailand for primary school, spent 2 years in the states before starting secondary school in Germany (lived in Königstein), and finished my schooling in the US (late highschool, undergrad and grad school).

      Growing up abroad, I never experienced much relating to my race. As a matter of fact, I was very unaware that race was a thing of significance UNTIL I moved to the US (Delaware in 2000) when my mom, brother, and I were refused service at a restaurant and my dad was being tended to (he is iranian but looks white). I also had friends who told me they weren’t allowed to be friends with me because I was mixed and was going to go to hell (we went to a very Christian Pentecostal school as it was the best in our small town).

      I knew my skin was brown. But until then, I didn’t think it meant anything.

      In Germany, it again was a non-issue, much to my relief.

      Today, I live in the South (Atlanta, Ga). There are a lot of Trump supporters and the color of my skin is very significant. It means I get followed in high end stores. It means I need to watch my back because I look foreign. There are so many little things I do subconsciously to protect myself. My boyfriend is Russian and Cameroonian, we are both very educated and have good jobs and drive relatively nice cars (mine is a Tiguan, his is a Land Rover) and I’m almost worried that he’ll get pulled over for whatever reason and questioned about whose car he is driving because it’s too nice… too anything.

      From my international upbringing, i can confidently say that the obsession with race is something I have only experienced living in the US, and I hate it. My boyfriend is a Canadian citizen and I look forward to raising our future children there, not here.

      Hope that provides some perspective.

    • Celeste says...

      I’ll try to answer, I think it is because the us is a melting pot and people are curious. For example, I’ve heard of Taiwanese being called Chinese. We have to get it right.

      There were racism problems in America before but our current president is making it a practice to blurt out really awful stuff. Announcing his candidacy for president by slurring all Mexican culture. It’s a bad step backward for those who follow his lead.

      All the cultures, enjoying food and celebrations, is what makes the us great.

  14. Jeanne says...

    I was devastated after Sandy Hook. We’ve had so many shootings since then that now I’m just numb. Oh another one? Of course. Now I’m just waiting for all the politicians to offer their sincere condolences and their empty thoughts and prayers while they cash their NRA checks. And then I’m waiting for the next wave of people to declare that these children are crisis actors. And then we will wait for the next shooting…and the next…and the next….

    • Abesha1 says...

      We all agree that Thoughts, Prayers, and Anger do nothing if there aren’t actions alongside.
      What’s your suggested course of action?

    • Jeanne says...

      abeshai: I’m realistic in believing that many Americans will not agree to get rid of all guns. However I would like to see the banning of assault rifles and I believe it should be harder to buy firearms. I would like to see laws similar to what Japan requires.

  15. Laura C. says...

    The shooting in Texas got me sad and angry. Praying as always for them and their families.
    I have to say thank you Jo, because as a mom of a 7 years old girl who has Asperger’s, that book seems soooo interesting to me. I hope it will be translated into my first language, of not I will purchase it im English.

  16. Christie says...

    While reading this post it occurred to me, public shootings are so common now that they don’t warrant their own special mentions on blogs. They are included with the funny weekend links about the royal wedding and how to pack for trips to Paris.

    No judgement to CoJ at all (I adore this blog and community), it’s just so sad that things have gotten to this point.

  17. m says...

    On the bath topic… would everyone PLEASE share their favorite bath/shower soap??? I am looking to make me feel refreshed, CLEAN, smell nice and one that rinses clean leaving a lovely scent. PLEASE share other products you have come to love -shampoo, cream rinse, detangled, heat protect, mascara!!! I feel that women never want to share their favs… is there some unspoken law about this? Common response is “just drugstore brand”…
    AGH – I feel forever doomed to the ongoing saga of my soap/shampoo crisis!!! THANKS!

    • Catherine says...

      M, I have curly hair and my salon is making the switch from Paul Mitchell products to Aveda, so I am just now trying out the new products. I just buy Cetaphil bars or Kirkland brand from Costco for my family’s baths and showers.

      But for mascara, my very favorite product that I never see anyone mention is Punker by Ardency Inn (buy it from their website). It is actually a wax that is gentle on your lashes, and I promise they will look lovely once you apply it. I use a brow comb to comb through my lashes and it feels like a little treatment as I apply mascara.

    • A Martin says...

      M – For soap, I buy big pump bottles of shower soap at Home Goods/TJ Maxx. I have found some really good, paraben-free / ph balance soaps there for a fraction of the cost. Regarding hair products, I also have curly hair and I rarely use shampoo. I use the Tea Tree Conditioner from Trader Joe’s (their shampoo is really good too). It is sulfate, paragon and silicone free and I love it. I add a few drops of Cedarwood essential oil (I am trying to grow my hair and Cedarwood promotes healthy hair/scalp and hair growth). I dry my hair with a microfiber turban (also purchased at TJMaxx), scrunch in the SheaMoisture mousse and let it air dry. Regarding mascara, I bought Maybelline Stiletto in very black. It is paraben free, doesn’t flake or run. One product that I bought that I LOVE is Laura Mercier Caviar eyeshadow pencils. OMG! I use just this eyeshadow pencil and mascara and my eyes are done! I don’t use primer or anything (I have super oily lids) and everything stays put. It is not cheap ($29) but totally worth it. I hope this helps! Oh! I also watch a ton of YouTube channels. I have curly/wavy fine hair with low porosity (I did the porosity water test which you can also search in YouTube for more info) so I do a search for YouTubers who have hair like mine and try out their hair routine (then tinker around with what works best for my hair).

  18. gb says...

    I understand the excitement over Meghan Markle marrying Prince Harry. However, Ms. Peoples’ article paints a negative picture of the generation prior to Harry and William. Queen Elizabeth may look and come across as a stodgy royal, but this article sums up her opposition to apartheid in South Africa, opposition to Nelson Mandela’s imprisonment, and her support of racial equality.—-the-queen-and-nelson-mandela

  19. Cindee says...

    Royal Wedding- just a silly question regarding “I understand that she’s marrying into a family with a history of colonialism and oppression.” I thought Britain had started de-colonization prior to any of the current family including Queen Elizabeth. I wasn’t sure what the point was…are they a bad family because of actions by ancestors? Maybe I have my history wrong. Are there many European countries that don’t have a history of colonialism and oppression?

  20. So excited to read that Cut article!! Have a great weekend!

  21. Sarah says...

    Isn’t it fascinating and sad that the types of weapons used are mentioned in the HEADLINE of that NYT article? Maybe it’s because people will look for that information first to find a way to use this incident to further defend their stance on gun control. Oh another AR-15? See how bad they are? Or, oh, see it wasn’t an AR-15, it can be done with anything.

    What a sad, exhausting, endless debate!

  22. Jane says...

    Joanna, I noticed that you share a fair amount of stories involving individuals on the autism spectrum, which is awesome! I encourage you to widen the scope, and share stories from other populations as well.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh yes, we try to share stories about all kinds of people, ethnicities, gender identities, locations, careers, etc! please let me know if there’s a specific population you’d like us to feature. xoxo

  23. Catherine says...

    I love Tig Notaro and my 9-year-old son and I are setting our alarms to watch the wedding tomorrow morning. I even bought scones!

    My heart breaks for Santa Fe High School, which my family and I drive right by every year on our way to Galveston. It breaks for Sutherland Springs, which I passed through a million times as a kid on my way to my grandparents’ farm in south Texas, and it breaks for Austin and Pflugerville, where I live now, less than a mile from the Austin bomber’s house. These things are on the periphery of my life and my young sons’ lives, and it is so exhausting. I’m just tired of being heartbroken.

    As a parent to two boys and a former teacher, I want to encourage other educators and parents to speak up and out for children who show signs of anger or violence, especially boys. Do not be afraid to seek out or ask for help for your own child or someone else’s child.

    My current state leaders do not care about the children of Texas, so it’s going to fall to us as parents and teachers to save them.

  24. Sara C. says...

    I want to join Tristen’s costco club! We have it on the agenda for this weekend, and it’s always the tricky act of (a) go alone and try to brave the madness efficiently, or (b) bring along my husband & three-year-old, which is more fun and way more work. Going with girlfriends sounds like a perfect third option!

  25. Annelise says...

    I just booked a trip to France to visit a friend who moved there recently. I am determined to travel light, so your carry on link couldn’t have come at a better time!

    • Ellen de Vries says...

      I did 6 weeks in Europe last year in carry-on only (admittedly during the summer, but still!). My tip, as OCD as it is, is to weigh EVERYTHING you pack and put it all in a spreadsheet (I use Google Sheets). That way, you can total up the weight and then if you’re over, you can see at a glance how much each item weighs and which items you can afford to leave at home, in order to get that down. I appreciate that it seems really crazy, but the way I see it is that the planning and preparation is all part of the excitement so why not start it early? Happy travels!

  26. t says...

    I am beginning to feel like all these shootings are the result of two things: America’s gun culture and too much media. We are such an overstimulated society with too much excess.

    I used to think gun control was the solution (and still support it) but I think it might only make gun culture worse for a while before things get better. Many people stockpile guns now and collect them not to hunt and protect but because they consider them toys rather than weapons (like one might with technology – I have a macbook pro, an ipad, an iphone and an ipod… why?).

    That combined with the inundation of over the top media and social media makes us a) apathetic, and b) craving attention.

    I am just so sad…

    • Cindee says...

      I agree with your thoughtful comments. I also have been wondering about the bigger picture beyond further gun control and mental health issues. Having raised boys to adulthood I remember the wild ride when the testosterone kicked in. The challenge of immature brains and the power/anger/rage that can come from testosterone. Are we as a society failing our young men? What has been lost that guided young men through the turbulent years in the past? I don’t know.

    • Sarah says...

      So get off the blogs then. And aren’t you reading this on one of your devices? So sick of “media” being blamed…while people are on their media.

      I’m not saying I don’t agree. But the irony is not lost on me.

    • Anna says...

      Hi T– I’m sad too.

      You have an interesting perspective; I agree, gun control is part of the solution, but it gets me even more upset to see everyone making such boldface declarations that move us even farther away to polar opposites. My instinct is also “No guns at all! Save the children!”, but that’s why I’m not in politics. I want my representatives to have more understanding of the reasons why people want and own guns. I want more questions why some people are against mental health and background checks. I want more collaborative efforts from those in congress to see the perspectives of both sides and be willing to do what is good for the most people. I also want adults and school children to make as big a raucous for change this time as they did last time!

      Idk, rant-y. Sorry.

      Also, thank you Jo for being diligent and inspiring us, in a gentle way, to be more involved and active.

    • brianna says...

      I couldn’t agree more, T. I was a junior in high school when Columbine occurred. There was one threat of violence at my school after that, but my friends and I didn’t experience what students today are up against. There was nobody like Emma Gonzales in my class, nobody willing to stand up and fight for our safety. So, while I’m sad and angry that this keeps happening, I am grateful there are people out there working to put a stop to it. I firmly believe we need gun reform in this country. I read an article on Vox that does an excellent job of explaining America’s gun problem: