Design

Have a Fun Weekend.

Before Sunrise

What are you up to this weekend? We’re going to a dinner party tomorrow night, and my friend is making pots de crème for dessert. (Score.) And oh my gosh, thank you so much for the comments this week, especially on money and only children. Really, really insightful. Have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

This 10-minute bare-pantry pasta looks delicious.

What parenting feels like, haha.

How I overcame the stigma of my wheelchair.” (LOVED this.)

This winter sweater has a great 70s vibe.

Humans of New York is in India, and his photos are amazing.

One thing to do when hosting overnight guests.

Digging these $50 work pants.

How I got my attention back. “There is a qualitative and quantitative difference between a day that begins with a little exercise, a book, meditation, a good meal, a thoughtful walk, and the start of a day that begins with a smartphone in bed.”

A woman of color’s experience on online dating apps.

How cute is this bag for new parents?

Wise words.

Plus, two great reader comments:

Says Liz on mini fridge lessons: “Julia Child learned to cook in Paris with an oven the size of an American toaster oven, and look how she turned out! When in doubt, just ask yourself what she’d do.”

Says Andrea on talking about money: “I just wanted to say, if you’re feeling bad that you don’t have it ‘all together,’ just remember that money management is a thing you do, it is not you. You are not a ‘good’ or ‘bad’ person based on your finances. Money is a thing, it has no inherent morality. YOU, however, have infinite worth just because you’re you, and there’s nothing you could ever do that would change that.”

xoxo

(Photo from Before Sunrise.)

  1. Cherlyn says...

    Re: the article/link about the challenges of online dating as a person of color, can I offer one (white) person’s insight? I grew up in Utah, the whitiest whitiest place I know. I was a transplant at an early age from San Diego, where I also only knew white people. It was just the culture of my parents’ socio-economic status, the church I grew up in, and the neighborhood. So from the ages of 7 till I graduated high school, my only experience with people of other races was the one really pretty foreign exchange student from Brazil in my senior year of high school, where I had a locker by her and I was always floored at how beautiful she was and how common I was (side note: yes all the girls hated her; I now realized they were jealous, but srsly, she was gorgeous). I saw people of mixed race ethnicities here and there, the beach in San Diego when I’d visit relatives, theme parks, etc., but just not where I lived in Utah. But here’s the thing: every single person I saw looked like me: Blonde. White. Blue eyes. Just some of us shorter, some of us taller. There’s yearbooks full of us, and let me tell you: it’s pretty easy to get bored with the same old, same old. So when people on dating apps are asking “where are you from?” in reference to ethnicity, from my perspective, it’s because you are beautiful. And different, and — for me, at least — I want to understand who you are and where you’re from so I can bring the best part of myself to show you. Yes, you’re different, but for us, for me?, I’m looking to find a way to separate me from the masses so I stand out. I’m not trying to be insensitive.

    What is a better way when you’re dating or looking at a hook-up with someone to explore that part of your life and who you are? What is the right thing to say? How does that cultural bridge get crossed if no one is bringing it up? Do we risk not asking and then seem insensitive? I’d honestly like to know since if I’m doing business with someone or meeting someone, I’d really like to know what people’s preferences are for this. You’re human, we’re human. I’m seeking answers so I can understand. Isn’t that at least a small part of what life is about?

    And then you can know all about me and I gotta say, the most interesting part of me is that I like Duran Duran and my favorite city in the world is Barcelona.

  2. The sleep training link is everything! It is exactly how I feel about it, sans fears about school shootings or other random tragedies that are a lot worse than losing out on night hours for baby cuddles.

  3. My second favorite movie (after Before Sunset :)

  4. “How I Overcame the Stigma of my Wheelchair” brought tears to my eyes. One line in particular, ” I love being free from the fear of disability” really resonated. I was diagnosed with MS ten years ago, and while I have yet to face any mobility issues, I carry that possibility around with me every day. Reading stories like this remind me to take a breath, live in the moment, and forge ahead despite the unknown. Nobody really knows what’s around the corner, and even when we get knocked down by adversity, there are people like Dani who inspire us to find a new way to rise.

  5. Bridget says...

    I just started my first “big girl” job after graduating college in December. I am kvelling over those work pants. Items like that make dressing for the office a lot less daunting. But one problem… WHEN WILL EVERLANE EVER MAKE TALL PANTS!?! Help a long legged girl out!

  6. Twyla says...

    I recently discovered the breakfast-jackpot when hosting our good friends with three kids. I made one big baking sheet of turkey sausages, one big sheet of tater tots, and a big pan of scrambled eggs. The sausages and tots are so easy to bake, and the scrambled eggs took like, a minute. Everyone was thrilled, I barely broke a sweat and there were no leftovers. *takes a bow*.

  7. Ellen says...

    Oooh the pants. Lovely, and huge props for machine washable, but I cannot be the only person sick to death of having to wear butt floss all the damn time. Let me wear bikini style underwear!

    • Jody says...

      Ellen try “laser cut” underwear. Target has some and my favorites are from Calvin Klein. They helped me retire the floss forever ;)

  8. Mallory Immel says...

    I love the article “How I Got my Attention Back”. In our day in age, disconnecting from the world of social media and technology is almost unheard; however, it might be the key to relief and self care. Disconnection is a path that leads to clarity and a healthy mind.

  9. Kat says...

    Thanks for a wonderful list as always! I recently realized I’m addicted to the internet :\ that article on getting the attention back was so good. An idea for a future post, could we maybe chat about internet/technology rules? Like what do people do to not let it consume their life? I have a love/hate relationship with my phone. I was in the broadcasting industry (a 24/7 field) for six years, I feel like after I left the anxiety to always be available stayed with me. Thanks!

  10. Karen Kirsheman says...

    Oh my heart, that photo from “Before Sunrise” made me go down the Julie Delphy/ Ethan Hawk rabbit hole. Such romanticism & realism rolled up together. Doesn’t everyone want to meet their love on a train or a bookstore in Paris? I love her dancing to Nina Simone at the end of the second movie. And I remember thinking in the third film how much I admired her for looking like what a 40 year old woman actually looks like.

  11. I just love, love, love that movie (the whole trilogy, in fact). It’s my everything. Hope you had a lovely weekend — mine has been occupied, sadly, with packing up to leave Paris after living here for six months. Sigh. Dinner parties sound so much more fun!

  12. Katie Larissa says...

    Joanna, I just finished season 1 of Peaky Blinders per your recommendation and I AM IN LOVE. But also so dang nervous every single episode! Aaah!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      so glad you liked it!!!

  13. Sara says...

    I really promise that I’m not a stalker (so probably says every stalker, right) but I had to leave a comment and tell you this. So, last night I dreamt that you (Joanna) came over to my house with your two boys. Your sons played in our backyard with my two boys (almost 6 and 7) for hours and got along famously. We sat on our patio couch drinking margaritas with salty rims and eating guacamole made from our backyard avocado tree and we talked about being working moms and how hard it was to find comfortable flats. :) If you are ever in So Cal, I now know we would be besties! Hope you are having a great weekend. Sweet Dreams!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      oh my gosh, sara, that is the sweetest comment! i would have LOVED that!!! especially your avocado tree detail :) want to beam myself there right now.

  14. Anne says...

    Those Everlane pants are cute, but has anyone noticed that it’s become impossible to find full length pants these days? All the major stores now mostly sell ankle length as the standard fit in both jeans and pants. I live in New England, and most of the year, that style just won’t cut it. Even with tall boots it feels silly. I certianly don’t see any men out there freezing their ankles off! Can’t we be comfortable and look good? Where can I find a stylish pair of real grown-up woman pants that acutally reach my shoes?

  15. Carrie says...

    Thanks for including the disability article! I saw lots of parallels with my journey of going blind in my twenties and overcoming the stigma of using a white cane and then getting a guide dog. I’m also deaf but was born that way so I’ve never had an issue with my hearing aids.

    Also love Before Sunrise, I need to rewatch that!

  16. Clare says...

    Oof. That New Yorker cartoon was funny, but admittedly fed into my anxiety right now. Living in DC, with this administration, I have lots of fears of something happening and not getting to hold my babies when it does. (I work 5 blocks from the Capitol building.)

  17. Lizzie says...

    Love Andrea’s comment! Being rich doesn’t make you good, and being poor doesn’t make you bad. Something we should remind ourselves more often <3

  18. Laura C. says...

    What a strong person. That story about overcoming not just the stigma of the wheelchair, but accepting it, that makes me think. Thanks for these links and stories.
    I’m trying not to cry for Andrea’s comment because as a person who has been really hit by the global crisis and has been jobless for a very long time, I have sometimes to remind myself that I am not my lack of money. Thank you.

  19. I love Andrea’s quote on money. It’s so true, and whenever I remember to think that way, it helps so much. Still, it seems one can keep uncovering layers of money shame for a long time…Shame runs deep in most of us, for one reason or another. We need continuous reminders full of wisdom like Andrea shared.

    Also true: I have often noticed the best food comes from the smallest kitchens. Many of my favorite cooks work in very humble kitchens, and I also know many people with fancy kitchens who never cook at all. It seems to be quite the paradox.

  20. Marissa says...

    Thanks for sharing the article about Dani! She’s too cool! I work with students with a variety of physical and special needs and reading about her quest for independence, life on her own terms, and advocacy work was inspirational in thinking about them and also on a personal level.

  21. Thanks for the work pants suggestion! Just bought some and can’t wait to try them! Happy weekend!

    • Siri says...

      They do look cute. But hard to imagine on a 5ft.6″ size 8 body when, “Philippine is 5’10”, wearing a size 2″ :/

    • Susan S. says...

      Hey Siri!
      If you look at the Ochre color it shows a model wearing a size 10. She is def taller, so they’d be longer on you, but it kinda gives you an idea of how they look on a non-rail-thin body type.

  22. sasha says...

    A dairy free, smaller batch chocolate pots de creme recipe, that I’ve made dozens of times and it’s so easy and fool proof and amazingly delicious.

    Earl grey pots de creme

    http://gourmandeinthekitchen.com/earl-grey-chocolate-pots-de-creme-recipe/

    I’ve made it with peppermint tea (switch the tea bags and hold the citrus) & with cinnamon (cinnamon tea instead + orange peel).

    • Emily says...

      I’m so glad you shared this Sasha!

  23. Katie says...

    Looking forward to reading these links, but the picture from Before Sunrise sure made me smile. What a great start to the weekend!

    • ??✨??

  24. Madi says...

    When I read the article about attention, I couldn’t help but think about how we incorporate this sort of conversation into parenting. I’m expecting my first in March & one of my biggest concerns is how to shape her relationship with technology. I’d love to see a post about that!

  25. Jaclyn Farabaugh says...

    I am in awe of Dani!

  26. Great links! That ManRepeller article was so moving.

  27. C says...

    Really appreciated the article by the wheelchair user and would love to see this topic explored more here on CoJ! Have a great weekend xx

  28. Lia says...

    Hahaha on parenting sleep! That’s been me every.single.night this past week, at least I know I’m not the only one!

  29. Jen says...

    Um. Just choking back tears over Andrea’s comment.

  30. Carlyn says...

    Thank you so, so, SO much for including the Manrepeller wheelchair article. I can’t tell you how much it means to me to see someone who looks like me reflected in your site and community, which I love so much. I’d also love to see a fashion post by someone with a disability (or sign me up…)!

  31. Sara says...

    That New Yorker cartoon! My LIFE. 100%.

    It’s finny, it’s true, and even brought a dang tear to my eye.

  32. Katherine says...

    Andrea, you are a mystic, what a beautiful thing to say! How soothing it was to read your comment; I very much appreciate your wisdom and needed this reminder to be gentle and patient with myself.

    Thank you, CoJ, for featuring her and for today’s treasure trove of links, everything you picked is just perfect!

    • Mary says...

      I was a Peace Corps volunteer in Mali, and all of us follow everyday Africa! We are all in love, and it is a great reminder that every minute in Africa, a minute passes! Sometimes it is just another majestic place and not the downtrodden third world country it can be portrayed to be. Also, the quality of the photography is AH-MAZING.

    • Jenna says...

      Seconded, especially since my brother and his family live in Mozambique.

  33. Diana McNeill says...

    I read Andrea’s comment in the money thread yesterday and it really stuck with me–I’m so glad you shared it and that it resonated with other people too!

  34. Ally says...

    Dani’s perspective about her injury and wheelchair – such an inspirational read! My aunt became a quadriplegic in her 20’s and went on to become one of Australia’s most visible campaigners for people in wheelchairs. Sadly she passed away last year – she would have loved reading this and knowing that inspirational people like Dani are living joyful lives and continuing the good fight!

  35. Michelle says...

    Man that article about Dani was so good! My daughter was born with some physical differences that definitely forced me to confront the disability biases I didn’t know I had. It was hard to look at those things in my own heart, and even harder to see people looking at my daughter with that look in their eyes. Thanks for sharing!
    Also, the thing I always do for guests is put a laundry basket in their room! Drives me crazy to be on a trip, folding up my dirty laundry every day (or making a mountain in the corner).

  36. TjP says...

    The article about dealing with a life in wheelchair was everything. I was diagnosed with MS last year and although I have no idea if that is my fate, this perspective sure made things feel…like stuff that just happens versus all the scary unknown I let fester in the wee hours.

  37. madeleine says...

    WOW. That interview with the woman in a wheelchair *dramatically* shifted my perception of disability in more ways than one. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. Definitely a must-read! Thanks for the link!

    • Anna says...

      About six years ago I was hit by a car and unable to walk for a year. I remember being so incredibly angry and depressed and in so much pain and sensitive to other people’s reactions – truly the worst period of my life and so so much harder than what I ever could have imagined. So I can’t imagine what it took for her to gather the willpower to take control of her life, especially knowing it was permanent, and the obstacles (financial and emotional and physical and everything else) ahead of her. I loved reading that she is getting married and also about how social media has helped create and empower a community! And it opened my eyes about the presumptions I hold about people in wheelchairs myself (e.g., her comment about how no-one ever asks her to mind their children). So inspiring and touching. Thank you for posting this link Cup of Jo!

  38. linda says...

    oh these everlane ankle work pants are SO cute! love them!! thanks for another great rec! do you have them and know how they run size-wise?

  39. MM says...

    Oh I LOVE before sunrise (and the 2 following movies)

  40. Laura says...

    I LOVED that article “How I overcame the stigma of my wheelchair”. When the little girl told her she was lucky to have a spinal cord injury and she asked “So that means you got to dance?” just broke me open. Those 7 words changed my perspective on my able-bodied privilege.

    • Katie says...

      I mean instantly brought tears to my eyes, thanks for linking to such a great article CofJ!

  41. Cait says...

    Andrea should get like a comment of the year award for that. I know it’s only January, but that is some pretty profound and helpful advice. I suspect that the reason many people avoid discussing money is the profound sense of shame and feeling like a “bad person” that comes from not being in a financially secure place.

    • sasha says...

      I second that. Thank you for the compassion words of wisdom Andrea. Something we all need to hear.

  42. ks says...

    ANDREA! What a sooth saying gold! Thank you. I needed that.