Design

Have a Great Weekend.

Have a Great Weekend

What are you up to this weekend? We’re taking it super easy. We might see a movie, and I’m also taking a barre class with a friend (it’s my first one in aaaaages, wish me luck!). Also, thank you so much for your heartwarming comments on this post. They meant a lot to us. Hope you have a relaxing one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Love this photo.

Why dressing sloppily at the gym helps my self-esteem.”

A year of Google searches.

The cast of the Crown vs. real-life royals. (They really nailed it!)

Everyone is making these chocolate chunk shortbread cookies.

The most beautiful letter from a mother to her stillborn baby. (Here’s the first essay she wrote for Cup of Jo.)

These Would You Rather questions make me laugh.

I was racially profiled in my own driveway.”

Kicking off the new year with vitamins based on this fun little quiz.

The coziest drink to sip while watching TV. “It’s like a hug… You’re certainly not going to reply to an email after you’ve drunk this.”

My new favorite hair product. #magic

Plus, two reader comments:

Says Courtney on a random wardrobe trick: “For boots, I use leather furniture wipes (like the ones to use on a couch or a chair). They’re super quick and easy! And since I have to clean my boots so often this time of year, I’m all for quick and easy.”

Says Moira on my sister’s happy news: “One of my favorite quotes about grief is from Khalil Gibran’s The Prophet, where he wrote ‘The deeper that sorrow carves into your being… the more joy you can contain.'”

Have a good one. xoxo

(Photo by The American Edit. Google searches via Ashley.)

  1. Andie says...

    Ugh, stay away from care/of vitamins. Their website makes all sorts of claims about their testing and transparency with customers, but after I couldn’t find any published test results regarding quality on their website I went through a looooong email chain with them, eventually speaking with their CEO. The message I got was first that it was expensive to publish test results (this was probably a lie, it doesn’t cost much to link to a pdf), then that the results are too complicated for most people to understand, and eventually that they would share the results with me after a phone call with the CEO, Craig.

  2. Rachel says...

    Sitting at my desk trying to not cry at Kate’s letter to Paul (and her original essay). So beautifully written, so vivid and poetic – I can feel her longing, and also her love through her words. Stories like this hit me such much harder since I became a mama. Happy belated birthday Paul. xXx

  3. That furniture wipe tip is exactly what I needed! Ugh so easy and I even have some!

  4. minority annoyances says...

    I’m thrilled that you included Doug Glanville’s racial profiling piece BUT that article is going on 4 years old now. Been there, read that. It’s still relevant but I think Cup of Jo fans deserve social political links as fresh as their cookie recipe & wardrobe links. Or at the very least mention that it’s something we may have missed in the past.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i hadn’t actually realized it was four years old! it was on the front of the atlantic homepage. thanks for the head’s up! we stive to include fresh, new links every week on all topics, especially politics/social issues. thank you!

    • minority annoyances says...

      :) much appreciated!

  5. Jen B says...

    I just bought the Living Proof 5-1. Thanks so much for the post…I love it!!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      so glad, jen!

  6. Alyssa says...

    Love the blog and I always love these Happy Friday posts. Would you consider adding a warning when you link to the New York Times? I adore the Times but I don’t have a subscription, so I like to choose carefully before clicking on an article. Thanks for reading!

    • Lisa says...

      *just a note to add to above: it’s not recommended for pregnant or lactating women.

  7. Sam S. says...

    Has anyone had experience with the Care Of vitamin service? I’m interested but would love to hear if anyone at Cup of Jo or readers have tried it.

  8. Annalisa says...

    Sometimes I read CupofJo essays at work and cry, and wipe my face on my sleeve and get makeup all over the cuff and say, “fuck”. It’s mostly always the best part of my day. Thank you, friend.

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      thank you so much, annalisa. that means everything to us!

  9. Guylaine says...

    Happy New Year to everyone at Cup of Jo! Here are a couple of ideas/topics that I would love to see…

    -How to switch from brown/dyed hair to confident yet youthful looking grey. I’m 42 years old and I have to dye my roots every 3 weeks…How can I gradually make the transition?

    Another topic would be a round up of comfy but stylish pants/trousers for everyday wear. Year after year, I buy jeans thinking ‘these will be the ones I want to wear everyday’. I’ve tried from cheap old Navy to pricy brands like Citizen, Joe’s, Hudson… in all styles too. No matter what it seems my expiration for wearing jeans is about 4 hours and then I can hardly wait to strip them off. I live in dresses in the summer but I’m thinking of getting rid of all my jeans and finding casual trousers as my uniform. I don’t want to be in sweat pants every day but maybe you have suggestions and inspiration on the topic?

    Thanks again for all your posts!
    Guylaine

  10. Jess says...

    That “a year of google searches” video really set me off. Google included a few posts from the #metoo movement in it – and f*** no, that is not your marketing ploy.
    And especially not Google, of all places. Remember that Google engineer who wrote a memo about why women are, by their nature, inferior engineers and how Google should stop their diversity programs? Yeah. That person was quickly fired, but I think it really speaks to a corporate culture if an engineer feels comfortable at work expressing these views. So google, kindly f off with co-opting that movement for your financial gain. Go make some real changes to your corporate policy, not a PR video.

  11. Nicki Wolfe says...

    One more question about the Living Proof styling creme- have you ever used it while air-drying your hair instead of blow-drying? I nearly always air-dry because my hair is fine, dry, and damage-prone. It’s so difficult to find a good styling creme that doesn’t leave my hair crunchy and lifeless!

    • Hey Nicki!

      I have fine dry hair as well. The best two products I’ve ever found for mine are: Garnier Fructis’ Styling Milk – for when it’s damp and needs moisture and a little structure and TIGI’s After Party for when it’s dry and needs smoothing that won’t make it limp (this stuff is amazing for smoothing ends and taming flyaways weightlessly). Also olive oil for the ends before you shampoo is a life saver in these winter months! From one fine-haired-sister to another!

    • Kirsten says...

      I got a sample of it at Sephora a while back. I also have fine hair and while I can confirm that while it does ah-mazing things to my hair when I blow dry, the effect isn’t the same if I air dry. I also found that even with blow-drying, after a few days of regular use it seemed to leave some build-up in my hair that really weighed it down. If you find any hot leads on a styling creme that works for us fine-haired ladies, I’d love to know! As of now I’m back to my previous regimen of putting some argan oil on the tips post-shower, which definitely makes it soft but isn’t exactly a volume-booster.

    • Alli says...

      I have really fine hair and swear by Malin + Goetz Sage Styling Cream. I use a pea-sized amount in wet hair, and it works whether I air-dry or blow-dry.

      https://www.malinandgoetz.com/sage-styling-cream

      I also have used the Perfect Hair Day, and agree that while it works well with a blow dry, it just doesn’t seem as magical when I air dry! But… you can get a sample size and try it out for yourself. Living Proof often offers promo samples!

  12. C says...

    Thanks for the piece by Doug Glanville. A very frustrating but important read!

    It reminded me of an episode of Brooklyn Nine-Nine (Season 4, Episode 16: “Moo Moo”) where Terry is stopped and detained by a fellow police officer whilst retrieving his daughter’s cow blankie in his own neighborhood, outside his own house. It’s a really silly, fun show but they also do a great job of tackling real issues like racial profiling, homophobia, and, most recently, a character’s bisexuality and coming out. The writers of the show said they try to portray their characters as good people and good cops, but that it was really important for them to talk about the issue of racial profiling by police. In the episode, Amy and Jake have to explain to Terry’s young daughters why their father was stopped by the police, if it was because he’s black, and what that means for them. Terry struggles with the decision to file a report and risk the future of his career or stay quiet and let the injustice go unpunished. There are a lot of racial power dynamics at play and it adds another level of meaning that the character of Terry is played by Terry Crews who recently spoke out against an abuser that, because of power dynamics, he previously felt unable to expose.

    Would definitely recommend this episode (and this show as a whole) to anyone looking for a socially conscious and hilarious show to watch! Might also be a good episode to show an older child to help explain the complexities of racial profiling and that there are both good and bad cops.

  13. oh that quote from Moira was beautiful.

  14. Michelle says...

    I just bought the living proof perfect hair day too!!! Used it for the first time today…..❤️

  15. AB says...

    So, the first week of 2018 is coming to a close and I’m not feeling like myself. I am realizing 2018 might be just like 2017 – sure, it will have moments of of excitement, adventure and fun that I create for myself, but will also be filled with worry about our country and our president’s idiotic agenda and hateful, bigoted words & actions, boredom in the day-to-day monotony of my job, struggle with balancing my desire to be fit and confident in my body with the joy that I find in wining & dining, and my perpetual hidden anxiety that I have about money. I’m usually a more optimistic person than this, but man… 2018 has me down.

    • Laura C. says...

      Dear AB,
      I’ve been struggling with bad times and anxiety issues for the last few years. I have stumbled in some TED Talks videos and I don’t know whether those videos or maybe something else have made “click” in my mind, but I feel better. I try to not to get down by external things or thoughts. I try to smile more. Your body is right as mine is. You have a job, I’m jobless sonce ages. I am sure this year will be a good year for both of us.
      And about your president… Well, take it as the joke he is. It won’t last forever. Give yourself and 2018 a chance to be wonderful! Hugs to you sis!

  16. angela says...

    ‘The deeper that sorrow carves into your being… the more joy you can contain… maybe it’s a translation thing (german) but I don’t get it. For me it’s the opposite, the more sorrow you got (mourning) the more it’s almost impossible to feel joy… My sister’s boy (5 years old) died all of a sudden two years ago… but joyful moments are now so rare… she will never feel the same joy in life she says…she will never be the same again…
    … beautiful that your sister found joy again!

    • Valeria says...

      Angela, what a tragedy you and your family have been through… Loosing a son is unbearable to think, I can’t even imagine what does it means to face it. I wish all of you, and expecially your sister, to find peace in your heart and all the love and joy you deserve .

  17. brittany says...

    I’ve read your blog for 9 years, since I was a freshman in college, and read every Friday roundup. Seriously. I love them! Would you consider linking to smile.amazon.com which automatically donates 0.5% of your purchase to the charity of your choice? It’s exactly the same, but I just went to order The Prophet, and ‘smile’ makes me feel a little better about all the Prime purchases.

  18. Rachel says...

    Tumeric milk is so cozy and there are lots of additional health benefits. I was disappointed that Aimee Farrell’s NYT article didn’t provide any history or background. It is a traditional drink from southeast Asia, that is now being Instagrammed and credited to (largely white) fashion editors and bloggers. Tara O’Brady of Seven Spoons wrote about this issue last year in The Globe & Mail: https://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/food-and-wine/food-trends/same-drink-different-table-the-so-called-discovery-of-haldi-doodh-in-the-west/article33849363/.

    From Tara’s article: “When my relatives make golden milk, it is charming but largely dismissed, or reduced to exoticism, complete with sitar soundtrack. When GOOP’s beauty director makes it, it’s heralded as revolutionary…South Asians are wholly scrubbed from the narrative as our culinary heritage is claimed and rebranded for popular consumption. It’s not culinary fusion or evolution, but the repackaging of unique traditions…It’s an expectation that proves that while you and I may be sipping the same drink, we’re not at the same table.”

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      Thank you so much, Rachel. Really appreciate your posting this. Going to read more now.

    • Maia says...

      Thank you for this comment. I am from India and have always been amused by the Western world’s appropriation of turmeric milk and coconut oil. But this specific post that was shared left me feeling frustrated, because there were zero references to the history of the drink. You have articulated beautifully, what I wished to state.

    • Jess. says...

      I feel like I’ve recently read an article that made similar points about bubble tea, which was also thought-provoking.

  19. Joanna P says...

    Thank you for posting the piece on racial profiling.

    • Cynthia says...

      I was outraged while reading the racial profiling piece by Doug Glanville and admire his rational method to get to an understanding of the situation. His concerns about his children and interaction with police are real. Readers should also note the response of the West Hartford police chief. The link is embedded in Glanville’s essay, which is important to help clarify the situation. The officer involved should definitely get a lesson in protocol. Perhaps a lesson for us is to recognize how biased and wrong our assumptions can be.

  20. Lindsay says...

    Definitely make the chocolate chunk shortbread cookies. We’ve been enjoying them at our house all week. Nothing like a slice n’ bake roll of cookies hanging around in the fridge.

  21. Hey! I saw on Twitter that Ashley has a romance novel book club. I was thinking it would be awesome if y’all featured the awesome sisters who run The Ripped Bodice in LA and their cute dog. They published the diversity in romance report you may have seen in the NYT, and hang out with great authors like Alisha Rai and Rebekah Weatherspoon. Romance is the most consumed genre, but there’s still some stigma around public consumption of it that I think CoJ readers would have good thoughts on.

    My new year’s resolution is to be unapologetic about my romance consumption.

    • Also, representation on romance is so important! I love romances with real characters. This past 3 months I have read over 50 romances for a diversity in romance review I’m writing for a friend’s magazine. I found wonderful books with disabled, neuro-atypical, PoC, queer and trans characters, as well as sexual assault survivors, plus sized women and men, and more. I definitely love the idea of a happily ever after for everyone.

  22. you really should publish a book with all the beautiful and intelligent conversations you’ve started with your brilliant readers! ps. have read your blog from almost the beginning and it’s a safe space i have come to cherish, so thank you!

  23. Lisa says...

    Ah, the letter to little Paul… This mama of a baby in the middle who I never truly met is bawling. There is so much love for these little ones.

  24. ECH says...

    I think about Kate and her sweet baby boy all the time. Thanks for sharing her most recent essay. Happy 5th birthday, Paul! XO

  25. Ace says...

    Has any one tired the espresso/chocolate chip sable from Dorie Greenspan’s Cookie cookbook. So simple, sooo delicious! (Btw her other cookie recipes are just as mouthwatering!)

    Hearting the essay on I was racially profiled while shoveling my own driveway…

  26. That quote from Khalil Gibran is one of my favorites, too! It helped me so much after my father died. Also, thanks for the sweet letter to the stillborn baby–so sad and perfect.

  27. Catherine says...

    oh, OH. As much as I love the rest of these links (and some are powerful) I need to share my first experience with chunky chocolate shortbread cookies. I worked at this local cafe and they ordered all their baked goods in. They had these shortbread beauties and each had an entire Toblerone triangle (from the big bars!) in the middle. I can still close my eyes and remember every bit of ’em. The crunchy, stick-in-your-teeth texture of the Toblerone mixed with the buttery-soft, melt-in-your-mouth shortbread blew my mind.

    I’ve never attempted to make them, but I would imagine you’d need to make the dough, wrap up a triangle in a ball and then freeze them before baking them, to avoid melting that choco centre.

  28. A question from a total hair dummy: what does the Perfect Hair Day product do exactly? I like magical all-in-one products, but the description leaves me wondering! :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      good question! i put it on my wet hair before i blow it dry, and it makes my hair have more volume than ever. the combo of living proof volume shampoo and this little guy makes my hair so much bouncier. otherwise i can have really flat hair and i’ve struggled with that for years.

    • Kaitlin says...

      It’s amazing! I’ve been using it for a year or two. In addition to the bounce, I find it extends my shampoo so I don’t have to wash it every day, which is particularly nice for me–someone with dry-skin and scalp tendencies. (Shower caps rule!) I have longish, straight, super thick hair for reference.

  29. Gabby says...

    How do you like to use the perfect hair day? I’ve had it for a while but can’t quite seem to get it to work with my thick, wavy/curly hair. Any tips are appreciated!

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      i like putting it on before blow drying my hair and then it just looks so much fuller, silkier and better. but i have thin straight hair! anyone else with curly hair try it? xo

  30. Erin says...

    Cried at the google video, Kate’s essay and the racial profiling piece. This may be your best round up yet.

  31. t says...

    Oh, Kate’s love letter to Paul broke my heart wide open. Happy belated birthday Paul.

    Also, Joanna have you seen Get Out? I am surprised that we (like I have a say in the discussion topics on your blog) haven’t discussed it yet. I just saw it a couple weeks ago and I am still thinking about it.

    • Katie Larissa says...

      Literally just watched this tonight, T. It freaked me.the.heck out. And I said to my husband that, B horror movie tropes aside, it hits the nail on the head for how a ton of white people (who definitely wouldn’t claim to be racists) talk to/communicate with people of color.
      On another note, the scene from the beginning, where the [white] cop asks for the [black] guy’s license even though he wasn’t driving, and his [white] girlfriend got defensive… we’re obvioulsy meant to take it as a racist action on the part of the cop, but a few weeks ago my husband and I were in the exact same type of accident with a deer, and I was asked for my license even though I wasn’t driving. (I’m Caucasian.) Anyway, just an incidental example that I think sometimes we jump to point out racism when it isn’t necessarily there.

    • t says...

      @Katie, I can’t stop thinking about the whole movie. About this idea that white people tend to covet/own/want Black people’s bodies for their own benefit.

      Regarding that first scene maybe it wasn’t a commentary on a racist officer but rather the white girlfriend coming to her black boyfriend’s aid?

      I don’t know but it made me realize that when I was looking for a sperm donor or my children (same sex couple) I wanted to use sperm from a mixed or black man because I am so fair and I constantly sunburn and wrinkle and have sun spots in my eyes and I thought how wonderful it would be for my children not to battle that issue as much (I KNOW people of color get sunburns but trust me- I can’t be out in the sun for 5 mins with sunscreen on if I am not wearing protective clothing and a hat). I also thought how great it would be to have beautiful little black babies. At the time I didn’t think much of this desire but when I saw Get Out I thought holy shit – I am just like these people bidding on a black person’s body.

      Racism and cultural appropriation and stigmas and cultural segregation and humanity is so complex and so pervasive. Anyway, I can’t stop thinking about this movie.

  32. Claire says...

    I heard this stunningly beautiful poem used in the series Godless, and it came to mind when I read about your sister’s and John’s journey. The poet is Yehuda HaLevi, a Spanish Jewish physician, philosopher and poet who lived ca. 1075-1141. I had never heard of him before, but this poem is now one of my all time favorites.

    Tis a fearful thing
    to love what death can touch.

    A fearful thing
    to love, to hope, to dream, to be –
    to be,
    And oh, to lose.

    A thing for fools, this,
    And a holy thing,
    a holy thing
    to love.

    For your life has lived in me,
    your laugh once lifted me,
    your word was gift to me.

    To remember this brings painful joy.

    ‘Tis a human thing, love,
    a holy thing, to love
    what death has touched.”

    ― Yehuda HaLevi

    • Madi says...

      Thank you so much for sharing this, Claire! I love it.

  33. Emily says...

    Love that last quote by Khalil Gibran. Of course am thrilled for your sister and John also. <3

    Have a lovely weekend! (and stay warm!)

  34. Jenny says...

    I love this quote from the article on not wearing chic workout clothes: “I gradually replaced them with looser, softer things that gave my body permission to move freely, to expand and contract and stretch and take up space. The extra room extended to my mind as well — room to enjoy the experience of being active without unwelcome thoughts competing for attention. Those thoughts aren’t gone entirely, but they are noticeably quieter.”

    This has actually become by motto for dressing myself in general over the past year or so. It began when a birth control pill (that I have since stopped taking) caused my boobs to swell several sizes and become incredibly painful. I could no longer stand to wear bras. I felt like I was squeezed inside a sausage casing and was acutely aware of how much pain I was in. So after oh-so-much searching, I found a soft cotton bralette from Gap. I was self conscious at first because I no longer had the molded cups for protection. The true size and shape of my breasts was now visible for the first time since I had entered puberty. But after a little while, it felt so freeing! I was comfortable! Summers were more breathable! I’ve since done the same thing with pants – ditching my skin tight skinny jeans that I had to unbutton if I was bloated or had gained a pound, and embracing black leggings with long comfy tunic tops and slouchy sweaters. Here’s to feeling your best – whatever that means for you!

    • Amy says...

      I mostly switched to bralettes this year and I totally get what you mean – on days when I feel I need “armour”, I notice I reach for a typical molded t-shirt bra. But on the other days – soft lace bralettes it is!! My husband loves them, as a bonus ;) Also, my goal is to dress like Judi Dench as I age (loose classy tunics and pants, hello!)

  35. Amy says...

    Thank you for sharing these links – I look forward to them all week! Kate’s essay. So powerful. I remember reading her first essay and having it stay with me for days. I didn’t deliver a stillborn baby but I did lose an unborn one that I think about all the time (A boy. He would have been 24 years old now. What would he have been like?). Her newest essay will stay with me again; it is so powerful. All of those unanswered questions…

  36. Katherine says...

    The Google video made me cry – so much beauty and hope in the midst of a hard year. Thank you for sharing!

  37. Rosie says...

    Those “Would You Rather” questions remind me of a game I discovered at my local art gallery (they have a bunch dotted around on different tables that you can sit at and play). It’s called Dilemmarama and has hilarious “would your rather” style questions, but you HAVE TO choose an answer. Like would you rather sweat olive oil for the rest of your life or sit on the lap of a stranger every time you ride the train? I played it with a mum friend while our little ones explored the kids space and we couldn’t stop laughing!

    • Vicki says...

      Sweat olive oil, for sure!