Kelsey Miller is the author of the witty and inspiring memoir Big Girl: How I Gave Up Dieting and Got a Life and a writer for Refinery29, where she launched The Anti-Diet Project. “I’m so damn lucky to get to be one of the people who writes about body issues,” she said. “One day, when all these problems are solved, I won’t write about it anymore!” Here, Kelsey shares five outfits she wore in a week…
Coat: Eloquii. Dress: TheMogan. Tights: American Apparel. Boots: Everlane.
“This outfit looks pulled together but you feel like you’re in full-body sweats. I want to buy this dress in every single color. The boots are shockingly comfortable. And then THE COAT. That’s the coat I’ve been looking for from the very first time I watched Love Story at age 18. And here it is. I couldn’t be happier. You can just move in and live inside that coat, and yet it looks so chic. I wore this to work and then had dinner with my grandfather that night. It’s a work-to-grandfather outfit.”
Shirt: Eloquii. Leggings: 90 Degree by Reflex. Socks: similar.
“I work from home a lot, and for a long time I wore exclusively yoga pants and old T-shirts. But I realized that nicer clothes made me feel better. It was a form of self respect. I was actually sitting down to work, versus transitioning from pajamas to a slightly upgraded version of pajamas. There was once a tweet from Elizabeth Gilbert that was like, hey listen, put on a bra even if you work from home, even if you’re a guy!”
“For my nails, I wanted an ombre look, so I just picked five different orangey pinks at the salon.”
T-shirt: The Wing. Jeans: Eloquii, similar. Gold bracelet: similar.
This T-shirt is from The Wing, the women-only co-working space. When I was working exclusively from home, my only social interaction was going to the gym or grocery store at the end of the day. But the Wing has a truly engaged community. Also, I’m wearing a bracelet that I had engraved to say, ‘Do it anyway.’ I have no problem embracing the hokeyness of that! That phrase had come up in therapy a few years ago — I’m a big second guesser and deal with OCD, which has made it challenging to move forward in life and take big steps. So, that attitude has gotten me, through — to feel the fear and do it anyway. For a lot of us, that fear is never going away, you just have to bring it with you everywhere you go.”
Sweater: vintage, similar. Dress: Forever 21, similar. Tights: American Apparel. Boots: vintage, similar. Tote: Madewell. Engagement ring: Mociun.
“This dress makes me feel like Lisa Loeb or a Lisa Loeb fan. The boots are so old that I almost throw them out every single year; but they zip over my calves and when you’re a large calved girl, this is rare. Plus, old can be good. The more beat up and crappy this tote gets, the more people ask about it. I don’t do shapewear, like Spanx, but I wear these great shorts from Thigh Society. They prevent thigh chafe and lines. I even wore them under my wedding dress.”
“My husband is a great go-to, if I need a second opinion. He’s a modern fancy gentlemen. This is a man who doesn’t travel with fewer than five pocket squares. One of his style icons is Menswear Dog. He would like to look like Menswear Dog all the time.”
Sweater dress: Mordenmiss. Tights: American Apparel, similar. Boots: vintage, similar. Earrings: Stephanie von Tesmar. Wooden Heart Necklace: Hey Gorgeous, similar. Purse: Red Pearl.
“I never want to chose clothing based on hiding my body. When I first learned the phrase ‘visible belly line’ from Gabi Fresh on Instagram, I decided to pull together a shoot at Refinery29. We chose clothes that highlighted my belly line and then walked around downtown Manhattan. I freaked out for the first few minutes, but there’s only so long your brain will panic before it’s like, ok, well, I’m tired of that. I did the same thing when I wore a bikini for the first time; and when I wore clothes that showed my back. If you have the opportunity to wear something that scares you, take it. You’ll at least come out with the realization that you don’t need to be afraid of getting dressed. There’s nothing that you’re not allowed to wear, really and truly.”
Thank you so much, Kelsey!
P.S. More women share their outfits, including a scientist and two awesome podcasters.
(Photos by Christine Han for Cup of Jo. Interview by Joanna Goddard.)
How refreshing to see this blog. It gives me hope☺
The ombre nails!!!!! Why has no one thought of that before? It’s so stylish.
Freakin love. Thanks for sharing.
So lovely-such comfort, optimism and beauty!
Love Kelsey’s style, particularly her use of colours! She looks put-together without being matchy-matchy!
Thank you so much for having someone with ocd, who is also a happy, succesful, awesome person. And the fact that they struggle to also find boots that fit… well it all felt like a love letter just to me!
:)
Cool woman, great outfits especially the first one, love those colors together. I work in a shop and help women select clothing, it can be devastating what some say about themselves, truly heartbreaking. We need stories and photos that show us that there is something inherently beautiful about us that no one can take a way. Clothing is a way to accentuate and celebrate our unique expression of that inherent beauty.
That ombre nail idea is GENIUS!
Yay loved this one. Totally noticing the increase in body inclusivity on Cup of Jo and I am so here for it!
I thought the same! Love it :)
Yes, same! I have been reading Cup of Jo for… well, I lost count, perhaps a decade? Can that be right?! And the whole time there has been a part of me who felt apart from the content and the community. It’s the way that I feel apart from many feminine-focused things because society tells me that as a fat woman, I am not supposed to fully be out in the world until I become an “after” picture. Those old lies used as a net to hold women down have been breaking open lately and Cup of Jo is one of the places that’s opening up to me as a result. Thank you, Joanna and team, for working to be inclusive of folks of different races, sexual orientations, sizes, gender identities, and ages. THANK YOU for letting me feel like I belong here. It doesn’t go unnoticed and it’s more consequential than you can imagine.
I love her! I want her to be my BFF! (Well, second BFF because my BFF really is the cats pajamas!) And the visible belly link kinda rocked my world. I’d never really considered living in a peaceful coexistence with my belly, but damn if she doesn’t make a beautiful argument to give it a try!
I Love this! Thank you! Just what I needed!
I love the diversity of this series – and I mean that in so many ways, like how Kelsey includes a t-shirt and jeans look. But my favorite is the top outfit. I may buy the dress. ( :
“He’s a modern fancy gentleman.” Yes! This simultaneously made my heart melt and want to say – get it, girl!!
Love!! I just finished Kelsey’s book and it’s awesome. Three cheers for intuitive eating and loving our bodies!
This was so good. Love all of it and her personality!
Intuitive eating is the freest I have ever felt with feeling that life is for ME!! I can feel that same joy and energy from Kelsey. What richness. If Cup of Jo or any other readers want more resources I can heartily recommend Rachel Cole who does lovely deep feminist healing work on body and freedom and eating with pleasure and savoring life. thank you so much Joanna and cup of jo team, this post is one of my most favorites you’ve done. You guys are living out what you value and helping us do the same <3.
I love the peach dress and boots-looks…super cute.
Ok, now that I see this gorgeous girl I am going to get out my pencil skirts and tight dresses and not fret over bikinis any more. I am petite and thin, but have always had a little bit of a belly. I would really like a flatter belly, but until that happens I have seen that a little bit should be no big deal. Now, if only I could have (or fake!) that confidence….
I don’t mean to be patronizing so I hope this advice doesn’t sound this way, Rosabella, but I want to encourage you to look at pictures of women who are the shape that you are now, instead of the shape that you want to be, and see if perhaps you can find kindness in yourself for them (and by extension, yourself). It’s a wonderful feeling to find that you don’t need to think of yourself as a before picture and accept the shape your body wants — which is to say, needs — to be when you eat intuitively and only move in the ways that feel good to you, not as punishment. You’re valuable no matter how flat your tummy is!
Shout out to Katie Sturino (@the12ishstyle) who designed that coat!!!! I LOVE her body positivity and she’s definitely worth an Instagram follow. All my favorite internet things in one place today! What a dream :)
my two favorite looks were the sweater dress and the ‘command respect’ photo. you look Amazing in those jeans, particularly because of the hip detail! i’d have thought it wouldn’t work, but it totally enhances your figure in the best way. even though i was born with a stick figure (and chastised for it all my life), i really love the way curves are finally being embraced – thank your work in this area! it applies to all figure types, imo.
I gave my husband a wallet for Christmas a few years back with ‘do it anyway’ engraved in the leather. There is a beautiful poem that Mother Theresa wrote with the same title. I just reread and it brought tears to the eyes of this freshly post partum mama. Love your style Kelsey!
She looks so cool! This post actually had clothes that I would normally wear but more put together and fun. Cute stuff!
stunning! Your confidence is enviable and your laid back comfy yet pulled together style is fantastic!!
Love the last outfit the most – beautiful colours! And those earrings!
I agree AND disagree.
Sometimes body positive posts seem to promote settling for your circumstances and not having the motivation to improve.
But sometimes it is accepting what you’ve got to work with and just being your best self. Ya dig? So if you’re prone to health problems, keep an eye on them. Take care of yourself. But working towards having abs is essentially futile.
It’s not futile, it just helps to have a trainer or focused gym sessions. It is totally do-able!
@Sam I have a naturally athletic build and always see results relatively quickly. But different people have different body types and what takes one person 3 weeks to achieve at the gym might not be possible for another. Not everyone is the same; that’s what makes life so great!
A great read is the book “Health at Every Size”. Weight is not necessarily an indicator of good or bad health. And genuine health issues are often ignored by doctors if you’re overweight. I had a doctor who refused to treat my borderline thyroid issue because I “just need to lose weight”. Found another doctor who did treat it and guess what? I lost weight and my depression lifted within 2 months of being on medication. Weight is not a catch-all health problem/solution.
I would offer that body positive posts are all about the ability to improve, but the improvement they promote is your own mindset. The notion that everyone should always being trying to be thinner leaves lots of women trapped in cycles of self loathing and terribly disordered eating. Instead of spending everyday planning to lose the weight and berating yourself for failure, spend each day loving yourself, and trying to live your life fully, get out there and do the things you love (which for many fat women includes being active and exercising every day!)
I love her style and her attitude. Thank you so much for showcasing a body I can relate to :)
she’s so great <3
That striped shirt with buttons! Impeccable (where do you get your bras?). It’s hard to find a shirt that’s tailored enough to feel sexy and put-together, but thick and modest enough in the chest area (for busty girls) to feel like you’re not going to pop a button while talking to someone in the hallway.
I love Kelsey’s style and attitude! Would also love to see the COJ team feature more content on Intuitive Eating and Body Positivity. So many women struggle to maintain a healthy relationship with food and weight; it’d be nice to see some of the positive messages from the anti-diet movement highlighted ?
that’s a great idea, natalia!
I just looked up the sweater dress she was rocking because it looks so good on her even though it’s probably not for my body type. Also love the trim on her dress shirt. It’s the little details :)
Wonderful style! That last look has got rethinking my tendency to go simple with earrings. Cupofjo rocks!!!
She looks terrific in every outfit- what great style! This and the other posts have reminded me how much I enjoy vintage pieces. Her weathered boots and bag look great! I say keep them until they fall apart.
In tears at my desk, finally a post that celebrates and normalizes a body that isn’t a size 0, and the comment section is just as joyful as she appears in the feature. You have built the best community, Joanna.
“For a lot of us, that fear is never going away, you just have to bring it with you everywhere you go.”
That hit me so hard. Such a great profile! Thanks, Kelsey and CoJ!
Yes to Love Story!!! It remains a constant in my fashion inspiration.
La classe, tout simplement!
Kelsey is so beautiful! Thanks so much for this post. Reading about her personal journey to self-love is so uplifting!
I loved everything about her attitude towards life and getting dressed!
This is so embarrassing to admit, but I left a fairly nasty comment on a R29 piece Kelsey had written years ago…I think it was a negative article about Gwyneth. Anyway. I quickly regretted it, posted an apology and got the NICEST and most sincere note back from Kelsey. Ever since then I’ve been a complete and total Kelsey Miller fan. She is pretty much the best of the Internet & I get SO excited when I see her achieving victory after victory & I’m thrilled to see her featured here. Kelsey, keep rocking.
She just seems like a really neat person, wish she was my friend. Lots of good nuggets for thought.
This is the most relatable week of outfits yet for me! Thank you! Love her style and attitude and that peach dress, sweater, boots combo is just so pretty. Coj, you folks are just the best.
Love everything about this – the first and last outfits are ON POINT (the others also – but those two had me drooling) and her writing style is fantastic. Thanks for sharing!!
Cackling over parts (I mean, work-to-grandfather outfits and her husband wanting to dress like the menswear dog?! I’m dying!) and tearing up over other parts. Great post!
I am LOVING this style week, Kelsey is gorgeous and her book has been on my to-read list for awhile. Joanna I am so grateful and impressed with the way you continue to feature diverse women. Bringing on Ashley, this week of outfits, and in the style inspo posts adding in some plus size options… my heart can’t take it. I have been a reader for years and have always loved following the motherhood posts and the style posts but they were only aspirational and not as relatable. Seeing these gorgeous women in all shapes and sizes has really helped me connect more with your content. Keep up this amazing work! xoxo
I think all of the above is so awesome for women of all sizes. I’m not plus size, but deal with body issues, and ideas about what’s ok that have been stuck with me since childhood. Seeing beautiful diversity here is helping me question my stupid old thoughts about bodies and helping me be more compassionate, and that’s where i want to go. Coj is helping me do better, thank you.
I love “do it anyway.” I have anxiety, and when it gets bad, I do carry around the fear like she describes – there’s so much strength and courage in pushing through that fear and getting things done in spite of it.
I loved this! Approachable and cute. I work from home everyday. Immediately after reading this, I went and changed from my pajamas (and no bra) into real clothes and feel a million times better!
I have a request for a week of outfits post. Abby from shotsnaps.blogspot.com occasionally does a frugal fancypants post and it’s the best. Garage sale stuff she makes look awesome!
Love her style. I want to wear every one of these outfits. Thanks for the inspiration!
That sweater dress is the CUTEST!
I love her style! I need to find my style. I own my baby pooch (I’m 64, no matter how many crunches I do, I will always have a baby pooch)!
Me too! 44 3/4 here, and my belly is going exactly no where. I’m becoming ok with it. I think every time we love ourselves as we are, in spite of our culture telling us we are only lovable if we are physically perfect, it’s a radical act of feminism and it opens our hearts to the beauty and truth in others as well.
I love all her outfits. I don’t think I have particularly large calves, but many tall boots are so tight through the calves. I have a pair of Frye boots(got a great deal) I’ve had for years and the more worn they become, the more comfortable they are. I wore spanx for my youngest daughter’s wedding, and I couldn’t wait to get them off! I am glad you are showing women of all sizes and shapes.
Such a great breath of fresh air….beauty is in everyone. Love her example and hope that one day people of all sizes will be judged for their hearts and their spirits. Great styling and advice for all of us. ..
She’s lovely. Not just about what she talks about but her lovely voice in the writing. Talk about making me feel ok today with my big post baby pooch. More writing from Kelsey indeed :)