How to Be a Great Houseguest, and Other Reader Questions

Thank you for sharing the post. For the karaoke night question, one of my favorite song in karaoke is Lady Gaga’s Bad Romance, always makes my friends dance and sing a long.
I also don’t know what to talk to kids, it’s easy for me to talk with my little cousins, but my friend’s children, it’s a bit harder, the tips is nice idea to start. Thank you for sharing.

A couple of dos and don’ts for houseguests:

DO:
– bring flowers or wine
– ask to help set dinner table
– wash dirty dishes
– strip bed when leaving

DONT:
– take pictures of the house to put on Facebook, or show their friends who you don’t know
– offer to empty dishwasher and either asking where EVERY item goes, or randomly assign items where you think they belong
– follow the host like a shadow, asking a billion questions
– leave dishes in the sink

I find for karaoke that any song that you loved in your teens is generally a crowd pleaser. I may or may not have recently belted out an ENTIRE Hanson song a few months a go (after many drinks) and people went nuts for it. So, do what you love…or secretly love…drunk :)

We had my mother-in-law and father-in-law stay with us for two weeks this summer. We’ve had them stay that long before without incident, but this might have been the last time they stay in the house (eeek). So, here’s a list of things NOT to do as a houseguest:
– Scrub down the kitchen cabinets
– Offer to touch up paint on cabinets where it has chipped off.
– When nicely told no, find the paint anyways and do it.
– Go through the fridge and throw out any expired condiments or food
– After being told (nicely and repeatedly) that we don’t want them cleaning the house, to then proceed to clean out and reorganize a storage room. The room that is the basement equivalent of the junk drawer.
– When you clog the toilet (old house, old toilet, old pipes), berate your host for not being responsible and ignoring this plumbing issue.
– Then, when you are told that you have crossed a line, proceed to mope for the rest of the trip.

re: houseguests—We live in a small apartment with a child, without a lot of extra stuff. We have a busy life since our child is young and we both work. Our best houseguests understand this, and keep their belongings in their room and not all over the place. They ask about longer bathroom use since we only have one. They make their own plans, but check in with us to see if we’re interested, relieving us from having to plan an entire weekend for our guests. They offer to buy a lunch or dinner and bring wine. And most importantly, they make sure to try to connect with our child. This all may sound anal and inflexible, but if houseguests make sure to do the above, we aren’t exhausted when they leave, and we’re more likely to invite them back because it was a pleasure. And some of our favoritest houseguests of all time stay in a hotel after the first or second night because they know our apartment is just too small and they’d be staying too many nights in a row. Amen to them.

Best conversation starter for kids who are still learning to talk (ages 1-2.5): Show me your owwie! They are strangely obsessed with their bumps and scrapes and love to show them off, even when the scrape is 2 weeks old and all that remains is a faint shadow.

This is also an especially great distraction tactic when they’re having a meltdown.

My husband and I have a lot of houseguests, so I have a list of tips for guests:
1. Check in about shower schedules and bathroom use, especially in the morning.
2. Offer to buy or cook dinner. It doesn’t have to be fancy, a bag of tacos will suffice, but it’s a really sweet gesture.
3. Offer to walk the dog. It’s so nice!
4. Let your hosts know your general schedule, and make sure they know when you’re there. I learned this one secondhand, from a friend who didn’t alert her hosts that she was present, and wound up hearing a savage and deeply personal marital spat. Yikes.
5. Try not to keep a radically different sleep schedule from the rest of the house. Sometimes it’s unavoidable, but it stinks to have to tiptoe around the apartment for a guest who sleeps until 2pm.
6. Don’t leave a mess. It seems obvious, but I have found used coffee cups, tissues, and wet towels in the guest room after someone departed. Don’t be that guy!

On Burgers
Just go to Umami Burger and order the Throwback with Sweet Potato Fries. Won’t regret it! <3

Just wanted to come back here and share: last night I went to meet my friend’s new boyfriend and his two kids, 5 and 2. I decided to employ the advice above…and neither of the kids knew when their birthday was! Hahaha. I decided to not even take it to the cake level. Ironically, they both wanted to tell me about school/daycare and what they loved there. I just thought it was so funny. The 5 year old even said, when I asked her birthday, “I never remember. Daddy is aaaaalways having to remind me.” We just hung glow-in-the-dark stars on her ceiling instead.

For the woman who’s nervous around kids, here’s another tip: avoid talking in a baby voice. As someone who is also very uncomfortable around young people and babies, I notice that I get nervous and go right into a pandering, high-pitched voice — whether they’re two or 12. I’ve gotten some incredulous stares over the years (from the kids) so I’ve learned to talk to them like adults. They seem to like it a lot more :)

Kids LOVE would you rather questions. The sillier the better. If they’re older, throw in something just borderline gross. Like… “Would you rather ride a giant tiger who tooted as loud as a truck, or drive a car that pooped chicken nuggets?” This kind of kid humor has never failed to get even the sternest child to crack a smile.

Oh, and thanks everybody for your advice on being a house-guest. Next month I’ll be flying to my dear Scotland to visit one of my dearest friends. Last year, she and her husband hosted me three nights, and they took me to an incredible, amazing and unforgettable weekend trip. They paid for EVERYTHING. I felt overwhelmed, they earn well and they know that I am jobless now, but really they paid for EVERYTHING, from the train tickets to the hotel and meals and drinks! Only the last day, the breakfast was on me! Scottish people are very generous. I took with me some gifts for them and their toddler. Now my friend has a baby girl too, and I would like to help her with chores, kids, leaving the home for a while, but I’m not sure how to do it. Do I plan for a tour of the museums or do I wait for her suggestions?
Let me say, last year was absolutely perfect.

Maybe it’s the fact that I have two boys, but I generally start conversations with children I haven’t met before with ‘I sense that you have a superpower – do you feel like telling me what that is?’ While I I usually get ‘I can see in the dark’ or ‘I can say the alphabet backwards’, a 6 year-old once delighted in telling me that he can fart the national anthem. That’s the joy of chatting smallies – the complete lack of filter.

We frequently have friends and family to stay. Here’s something I’ve noticed that goes a long way to not wearing out one’s welcome. Some of our guests take care to not leave their stuff around the house. It makes a difference! I am currently hosting other guests who leave their laptops/devices in our kitchen/dining room/living room… I think a guest should take their cue from the hosts – if an area is clutter free, don’t leave your stuff around.
Another huge thing that we appreciate from our guests is a contribution to meals – buying ingredients, or, taking turns to cook.
One of nicest gestures of appreciation was when guests thoughtfully replenished everyday household items that they had used – they stocked us up on laundry detergent etc – as well as giving us lovely gifts.

One thing I always try to do when talking with kids (including my 3-year-old) is literally getting down on their level. First thing I do is squat down so my eyes look into theirs. I’ve found kids to respond well to this — they’re being looked down at by adults all day, so it must be nice to feel like an equal. :)