Have a Great Weekend.

Seconding your second point. I’m in a monogamous marriage, but reading all the comments below from people who think all marriages need to look like theirs made me a little sad. I think it’s wonderful that humans are unique and diverse and have different wants and needs, and the idea that someone who is not me should have to have a relationship that looks like mine (whether that be regarding gender, number of partners, living situation, children, etc.) is ridiculous to me. I love hearing about people who have lives that are different from my own and would really enjoy a post on open marriages here.

Yes, I’d love this! I’m also in a semi-open / monogamish marriage and sometimes I feel like I’m stuck in a bubble. It has been largely wonderful for my husband and I, both individually and for our relationship. But sometimes it’s a tough conversation to navigate with friends who are less open to understanding how anything but “normal marriage” could even possibly work. There are a lot of people to whom I don’t or can’t reveal that part of our life, which me feel like I’m forced to keep a secret. I’m glad to see non-traditional marriages and relationships being brought up more often, though I think we’re a long way off from open marriages being normalized. Thanks for posting the link and for being up for the possibility of a more in-depth post! (and I’d be happy to participate!)

Thank. You! I couldn’t agree more with your comment. The whole time I was reading the article it just made me depressed that people seem to be completely losing the idea of what marriage is supposed to be about.

Agreed.

I completely agree with you, Lindsay. An open marriage doesn’t seem to me a marriage at all.

I didn’t have quite that reaction, maybe because her affair happened after her diagnosis, it seems harder to judge her. Truly, I don’t care what other people do in their marriages. But, for me, this kind of marriage is incomprehensible. The times when things were really hard, sleeping with someone else would not have fixed that. It would hurt my husband immeasurably. Who has that kind of time and energy anyways? One man is plenty for me lol. The people I’ve known with open marriages are either divorced, or just plain unhappy. The comment in the story about how when you have two kids, you don’t love the first less….It’s just not the same at all.

I agree with you. I couldn’t keep reading after about halfway through…it just made me so sad. You put into words what I was feeling but wasn’t sure how to express. I still believe marriage is a sacred and exclusive commitment, otherwise it’s meaningless.

Hi. I’m in an open marriage. He’s my partner in life. We adore each other. We tell each other everything. We work well together. We’re looking forward to starting a family. We have sex. We go on dates together. We also date and have sex with other people. And it’s added so much more to our marriage than I thought it could.

I wasn’t a huge fan of this article. So many articles about open marriages start from some sort of problem or feature a couple that chooses non-monogamy after an affair or because of deep unhappiness. My husband and I decided to open our relationship when we were engaged and long distance for a year. We closed our relationship after I moved to be with him and during our first year of marriage. Now we’re open again and both dating women.

I don’t think there is one model or definition of marriage. It has changed over time. It looks different in different cultures. If you prefer a monogamous marriage, that’s great. But my relationship is still a marriage. We bicker about cleaning the house, we do our budget together, we trade off which family we visit at the holidays, we make plans for the future. Our marriage is intimate, trusting, supportive, and loving and it works for us.

For such an open-minded community, it is interesting to find such fast judgements on open marriage here. Keep in mind, if you are not religious, sex can definitely just be a wonderful, pleasurable experience and doesn’t need to have anything to do with your commitment to your spouse and the life you’ve built together. If the only thing defining your marriage is that you and your partner only have sex with each other, well THAT seems to me, a very empty marriage.
Communication and talking about needs and desires brought me and my partner closer than ever, at the same time that it made us realize an open relationship could be fun. The idea was not born out of problems, but from us exploring and being curious and having really fun, intimate conversations about our thoughts and feelings. We tell each other much more than many of my friends share with their partners, because there are no ‘taboo’ topics in my relationship. We still have boundaries, but they are boundaries that WE set and continuously decide on together – they are not boundaries that society has defined.
For those of you in monogamous relationships asking about jealousy, a good place to start: are you jealous because you feel threatened and your relationship is on shaky ground? Probably not time for an open relationship. Or are you jealous because society tells you that you should be enough sexually for your partner for eternity, even though you feel totally secure in your partners love and commitment? This might just mean that you avoid people who tell you that your partner doesn’t love you if they agree to this – this is often an insecure projection.
These conversations have brought me closer to my partner, making me even more secure in our partnership. However, an open relationship will not help a failing relationship. It should not be an excuse to play the field and leave your partner when you find a better fit.

Hey Paula! Thanks for your kind words. Jealousy and trust are two things I think about a lot. I think what has helped me the most with jealousy is to recognize that I will feel this way from time to time and that talking through it with friends or with my partner will help me manage it. He and I are on the same team, and if one of us is feeling jealous that means we need to talk about what might be causing it and what we can do to support each other and our relationship. I have to echo a lot of what anonymous just said too – having these very intimate and frank conversations about jealousy and insecurity with my husband has brought us closer and strengthened our partnership.