Design

Have a Lovely (Long) Weekend.

Yossy Arefi

What are you up to this weekend? My mom is in town, and tonight we’re making tacos. It has been really nice having her here, and it always makes me wish we lived closer. Tomorrow Alex and I are stealing away to Miami for two nights, and I’m packing this book, which I heard is totally gripping. Hope you have a good one, and here are a few fun links from around the web…

Quick dinner: Dirty rice.

These Valentine’s Day word problems made me laugh walking down the street.

RBG’s marriage advice sounds about right.

What NOT to eat at Trader Joe’s.

A mistake is just a moment in time.

Universal Standard has such lovely dresses.

What black parents tell their kids about the police. Worth watching.

Really digging this Korean beauty pop-up shop. (Would you try these guys?!)

What adulting looks like.

Wow, are these really cupcakes?

Such a pretty sweater.

Bravo to Tinybop for making amazing (and free!) classroom posters, available to teachers all over the internet.

Plus, two great reader comments…

Says Colleen on nine gold necklaces: “My best friend bought one of these for all her bridesmaids and had them engraved with a special nickname individual to each of us. Mine says ‘Smokeshow’ and I love it.”

Says Sandra on conversations with a three-year-old: “My daughter is seven and non-verbal. She can entertain her whole family with a sigh at just the right moment. She can express so much with a smile, a giggle, a skeptical look. There’s a language beyond words and even though she does not speak, I often feel like I hear her. This is true for her older brother, as well. He is nine and when we recently picked him up from school, he turned to her and said: ‘Did you have a good day?’ She smiled. ‘I know’, he said. ‘I missed you, too.’ ”

(Photo by Yossy Arefi. Tinybop and adulting via Swissmiss. Mistake via Jocelyn Glei. Parents video via Kottke. Cupcakes via Ashley.)

  1. Michele says...

    Thank you for including video about what black parents tell their children about police. Absolutely heartbreaking. And so very important to know. I cried and cried….

  2. Kate says...

    Thank you so much for sharing the classroom poster! I teach special education and shared the poster with friends/coworkers. It has (unsurprisingly) caused controversy in our small-town, midwestern school. I will continue to spread an inclusive, accepting, and loving message to my students even if it isn’t through the beautiful poster you shared.

  3. Patty says...

    Take a back up book.
    Couldn’t fall in love with any of the characters on that book.
    On the other hand, Have a wonderful trip!

  4. margie says...

    Sandra’s comment on her daughter and son- it is only 9 am here and I am already crying, dang it! The love between siblings is so sweet. It sounds like this family is lucky to have both of these kids!

  5. M says...

    Thank you for engaging in BLM and POC issues when you could easily pretend it’s not “relevant” to your blog.
    <3

  6. Laura C. says...

    Oh, Sandra’s comment. It makes me thinks of my friend’s child, who is four years old and non verbal too (he’s autistic) and he is so, so, so sweet. I am always hugging and kissing him and last week when I saw them, I hugged him and he was about to say my name. Sandra, your children are really wonderful.
    Korean cosmetics saved my skin’s life when I started to use their BB creams instead of foundations and I always get compliments about my skin.

  7. yael steren says...

    Hope you’re having an amazing time in Miami, though you picked a weekend when the weather was gorgeous here in NYC! Somehow, without fail, every year after NYFW ends, the weather goes from freezing to warm!! It’s making me so excited for spring and summer!!! xx yael

    http://www.yaelsteren.com/blog/

  8. Oh my gosh, I loved Sandra’s comment. (Insert 3 emoji hearts)

  9. thank you THANK YOU for starting to feature clothing for women of many different sizes! I’ve noticed and I appreciate it so much. I’ve already placed an order from Universal Standard, who I didn’t know about before you linked to their beautiful clothing. Please keep it up!

  10. shelley says...

    uhm that reader comment from Sandra made me instantly cry at my desk. SO SWEET.

  11. The book looks absolutely interesting, so much so that I purchased it from kindle immediately (knowing that I still have a few more books to go through)… Dirty rice looks wonderfully simple, just what I need after work.

  12. Love that story about the Navajo blankets and intentionally leaving flaws in. Martha Graham made a similar comment about that when she said “You see, when weaving a blanket, an Indian woman leaves a flaw in the weaving of that blanket to let the soul out.” A dancer friend of mine gave me a framed print of that quote at a time in my life when I was not in a very good place, partly because I was fixated on the flaws I saw in myself and finding it hard to believe I was anything beyond them. I don’t know if he realized just how much I needed to hear it, but this quote reminded me that mistakes are human, and while we strive to avoid them or (to amend them), our value isn’t directly tied to perfection. In fact, flaws make us relatable to others, they teach us lessons, they make things more interesting, and well, sometimes they’re just unavoidable. Thinking about flaws as an accepted and even celebrated feature of a beautiful blanket helped me get myself to a much healthier place, as I started striving to just be “good,” as opposed to perfect, and that mindset has kept me going ever since. I’m sure my friend has long forgotten about that gift, but I keep it right next to my alarm clock, where I can see it every day.

    • I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing. ❤

    • Susana says...

      Dwelling with the guilt and the “I should have” and “I souldn’t have” of a broken relationship for the past 6 years, I totally relate to the Navajo blankets explanation on flaws…I need to be reminded of this everyday in order not to feel a flaw myself.

      Thank you for sharing…it’s much easier when you find people who feel the same as you do.

  13. It sounds like you will be having a lovely weekend with your mom. Reading this makes me long for mother daughter moments with my little girl who lives in New England. This weekend I will be spending it catching up with friends.

  14. Erin says...

    Thanks for including universal standard – I want everything!

  15. Katie says...

    That video about black parents and the police was so hard to watch. I can’t imagine living in such fear.

  16. The advice from RBG is pretty spot on! Also, can someone please send me those cupcakes?! So cool!

    xo, Sofia
    http://www.thecozie.co

  17. Leah says...

    The Valentine’s words cracked me up!

  18. Sandra says...

    Thank you all so much for your lovely replies to the story about my children! All these comments made my day. I am flying solo this weekend, as my husband is out of town, the house is a mess and it is raining outside – so thank you for this pick-me-up!
    As some of you have asked about more on this: I wrote a book about the first three years with my daughter. If you like (and speak German), you can check it out here:

    https://www.amazon.de/Lotta-Wundertüte-Unser-Bobbycar-Rollstuhl-ebook/dp/B00CW44G2U/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1487412836&sr=1-1&keywords=lotta+wundertüte

    Or find you at your local bookstore of course. Joanna, if you like I would be very happy to share more on the blog, but it would also be really interesting to read stories / essays of other moms (and dads) with special needs kids out there.

    To everyone out there, with kids or not, special needs or not – have a good weekend!

    • Em says...

      Sandra, I don’t speak German and live in Australia but I want to read more. Any recommendations? Thank you for such a tender snippet from your life.
      Emma

  19. Songbird says...

    Thank you for posting the link to Universal Standard dresses. Much appreciated.

  20. June2 says...

    gonna send the black parent/child video link to my local police department with a nice letter inviting them to watch and share it with other departments…hope they watch it!

    • Sara says...

      great idea – i’m going to do this, too!

  21. Kristy says...

    he turned to her and said: ‘Did you have a good day?’ She smiled. ‘I know’, he said. ‘I missed you, too.’ ”

    This just kills me. I would consider submitting it to nanoism

    • Carly says...

      Crying.

  22. Sasha says...

    Sandra, give your kids a big hug from me. <3

    I care for two one year olds. One usually wakes from her nap before the other, and when I tell her I'm heading upstairs to bring her friend back down from her nap, she does a little dance and waits by the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. When they see each other, they both wave hands, smile and generally start exuding a ton of love. Without any words, so clear that they love and miss each other. It's the best.

  23. Sasha says...

    Thank you for the dirty rice reminder. We make it vegan…rice, cumin, chili powder, onions, peppers, garlic, fresh tomatoes, black beans, canned corn, lime juice, green onions and roasted nuts (pine nuts if you’re fancy! Walnuts if you’re on a budget). So good and warming on a winter night.

    • Carrie says...

      That sounds amazing!

  24. Sasha says...

    Because many commented on understanding white privilege and the experiences of people of color, I’d like to share this article about the gigantic disparity between white and people of color’s infant mortality rates in America. It’s absolutely heart breaking. https://www.thenation.com/article/whats-killing-americas-black-infants/

  25. Ashley S. says...

    I knew before I clicked on the first link that the book would be The Husband’s Wife. That book is everywhere!! I may be in the minority but it was one of my least favorite books I’ve ever read. If it isn’t your favorite either, try Big Little Lies by Lianne Moriarty. I’m a librarian..trust me ;) haha

  26. Emily says...

    What beautiful children, Sandra. That story is so touching. Thank you.

  27. Alison says...

    Hah, my kids ADORE the Trader Joe’s PB&J Bars, so much so that when we find them in stock we buy about six or so boxes of them at a time. Sadly for us I think they’re phasing them out.

  28. Abesha1 says...

    The black parents video… seriously? Yes, we talk to our black and brown kids, tell them what and what not to do, what they might encounter. But that video is ridiculous.

    I’m a little surprised Cup of Jo is promoting that kind of fear- and hate- mongering.

  29. oh my heart…the tiny bop posters…and the non-verbal sister…thank you!

  30. Linda says...

    Thank you for sharing the video about the black parents/police… it was so good and important, both in seeing how people feel being profiled as well as teaching respect. It was very well done. I grew up seeing things from both sides. My father was an officer for over 30 years. He was disrespected, shot at, and once a criminal even showed up at my family home after he was released from jail. I married into a family of a different ethnicity. My brother-in-law would get so angry because he would often get profiled and pulled over for “no reason,” other than maybe his age and the color of his skin. One day my worlds collided when I was in a car with my BIL, and he was pulled over by an officer friend of my dad. My normally calm BIL suddenly had rage, a bad attitude, and spoke with disrespect. The normally calm friend of my dad responded with a bad attitude and disrespect, too. The tension just escalated when it didn’t have to. I have conversations with my kids like the parents in these videos. I tell them to look people right in the eye, to be respectful, to consider how the other person might be feeling, to honor those in authority, to be kind, and to follow the laws of our country. So far this has served them very well.

    • t says...

      Linda what wonderful perspective. It is hard for me to fully wrap my head around what is going on with the police and POC.

      I (a white person from a middle class neighborhood) was always taught to respect the police, listen to them and acknowledge them. When I moved to bed-stuy, brooklyn I was so surprised at how little respect officers received. It blew my mind. But as I looked closer I recognized it as a cycle – the officers didn’t offer respect either and that also blew my mind.

      We need to somehow respect one another. I know that is hard to do when POC regularly experience police discrimination (not sure that I could be as gracious as those featured in the video) and the police need to show respect EVEN IF THEY AREN’T RECEIVING IT. My god, they are officers – they should be completely held accountable for ONLY exhibiting grace. they cannot become jaded which appears to be what is happening. They need to have compassion that people are products of their circumstance.

      My wife is a light skinned POC (from Brooklyn) and when she was pulled over in la jolla, CA she immediately became disrespectful to the officer who in turn was disrespectful right back. She felt she was pulled over just because of her skin color but in my mind she shouldn’t speak to an officer like that. And he CERTAINLY shouldn’t have responded in an escalated manner.

      There is always gray area but I do know that these kids should not have to fear for their safety or the safety of their friends and family at the hands of the police. that is absolutely unacceptable and heartbreaking.

    • Teri says...

      The most important thing to tell our kids when dealing with the police (and anyone else), is ; “this is a person that has been trained and vetted by the government to keep order and decide whether or not to punish people. Do NOT make them angry.” As far as expecting these often high school educated people to be “nothing but full of grace”?
      I can’t expect that from highly educated teachers- or let’s face it, even the clergy.
      I think a little more compassion for the fallible nature of humanity is in order.

    • Linda says...

      Thanks for you thoughtful responses, T and Teri. I agree… more respect and compassion would be great things. I think society as a whole would benefit in every area.

    • Kelly says...

      This notion that being kind and compassionate to avoid abusive behavior by the police is problematic. It ignores the systemic issues around bias, profiling, sentencing discrepancies and a host of other civil rights issues BUILT INTO the fabric of our “justice system.” Smiling is not enough to protect you from being killed.

  31. Robyn says...

    Sandra’s comment might be the best thing I’ve read all week. And I’ve read so many things this week.

  32. I haven’t heard of that book, but now I’m intrigued! Also, that reader comment about her nonverbal daughter is the sweetest thing.
    Wishing I had a 3-day weekend, but our company doesn’t like to give us holidays, apparently. -__-
    http://www.wonderlandsam.com

  33. Katie says...

    Never trust a Yankee (mama says that’s anyone north of I-10) to make dirty rice. If you’re that desperate for it, go to Popeyes

  34. Natalie says...

    Oh my god. That comment at the end from Sandra about her kids and their verbal/non-verbal conversation?? Tears. What a beautiful vignette to share. Thank you!

  35. Carmen B says...

    Oh, Sandra’s kids sound so sweet. Thanks for sharing her comment.

  36. Katie says...

    What a sweet content from Sandra. Thank you for sharing it in this post.

  37. Txell says...

    I notice every time you recommend a book the link takes us to Amazon. You could link them to local bookstores, that would be great! My favourite one in NY is Community Bookstore, in Brooklyn! And Strand Book Store!

    Sandra’s comment was wonderful, it brought me to tears!

    Have a nice weekend!

    • Claire says...

      Agreed. I’d love to see you supporting a local business. Powell’s has an extensive online collection.

    • sunflower says...

      Or, if sticking with Amazon, to an Amazon Smile account that supports a non-profit!

  38. Christine says...

    Oh Sandra’s children are so sweet! Reading that comment made me so teary-eyed from just beauty of children and also how much we can communicate non-verbally. Oftentimes, words aren’t needed to express love.

    Also, I have tried the pore removing strips! Your nose is left feeling so soft and silky…didn’t realize mine weren’t!

  39. MA says...

    Oh my, Sandra’s comments brought tears to my eyes, not because her daughter is non-verbal, but the special communication that can happen between family members. I see it with my own kids and with my husband. That comment is a true valentine. :)

  40. Anna says...

    Sandra’s comment warmed my heart. Her son seems like the sweetest little person in the world!

  41. Laura says...

    Regarding Sandra’s comment:

    No I’m not crying you’re crying

    • LOL :) Same!!!

  42. kate says...

    So funny that the Thai veggie burgers are my FAVORITE thing at TJ’s! Add a little guilt free chunky guac and voila that’s my lunch several times a week! But yes, oh man, that sushi is truly awful.

  43. Erin says...

    Thank you for including Sandra’s comments, Joanna. I can’t say how nice it is to see special needs families incorporated into a mainstream (non special needs specific) blog! My son is also nonverbal and can light up a room with a sudden smile or sly laugh. He’s quite the character. ;)

    • Meghan says...

      <3

  44. Meghan says...

    Was so thankful for Sandra’s comment when she replied to me – still thinking about it days later <3 I'm happy you shared it.

    • Sandra says...

      Hi Meghan, have been thinking a lot about your post, too. You sound like a great mother!

    • Meghan says...

      You do too, Sandra! <3

  45. Denise says...

    Sandra’s comment made me tear up!

  46. erin says...

    ah yes trader joe sushi is the WORST.

  47. Heather says...

    Sandra, your comment melted me. Literally.. I felt my entire body melt and my cheeks flush. I think that watching your children communicate must be one of the most beautiful sights!

  48. Is it worse that the writer of the Trader Joe’s article is now my new favorite person for using an America’s Next Top Model reference in the description of the sushi, or that I can remember the season (cycle!) from which Tyra’s quote originated AND GIRL to whom is was directed?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      hahahahah

    • vero says...

      Girl, I didn’t even realize that was an obscure reference at this point! Amen, Tyra.

      Kudos to you and Anna Goldfarb for being part of my pop world. Hello from far away.

  49. Ines says...

    I’m crying at work after seeing the video about black parents. It’s so depressing and dehumanizing the ways that POC (and especially darker skinned POC and black POC) have to muddle through the world sometimes.
    I’m a white-passing latina and though I have encountered prejudice and aggression once people “figure out” I’m not white, I’ve never experienced discrimination directly and exclusively because of my appearance. If the (minor bad) experiences I’ve had have already made me nervous in certain situations, I can’t help but feel for those who constantly are on high alert.

    Incredibly touching, and thank you for posting. Would love for that video to get its own discussion and post. <3

  50. Bridgette says...

    Hi Joanna! I am headed to Miami in a few weeks. Recommendations? Never been! :)

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      how fun! we love staying at the standard miami, but even if you’re not staying there, you can go eat at their restaurant and (i think) use the GORGEOUS pool. they have a great greek salad with tofu. i haven’t eaten at that many restaurants in miami, but maybe i’ll have some tips after this weekend :)

      question for the group: do any other ladies have miami tips? :)

    • Aimee says...

      News Cafe in South Beach has a ceviche that shows up in my dreams- haha. It’s AMAZING! Plus, that’s a great spot for people-watching… it was one of Versace’s favorite spots (he was shot coming home from there).

  51. Diana says...

    Wow, really interested in the non-verbal child’s communication. Wonder if you could follow up with that reader and do an essay feature?

    • Joanna Goddard says...

      that’s a great idea! my friend, who i actually just had breakfast with this morning, has a non-verbal child as well. it would be a great post topic. xoxo

    • Meghan says...

      Would also love to read something on your blog regarding this!

  52. Colleen says...

    Sounds like a perfect weekend. You are so lucky your mom is in your life, you have a three day weekend, and you get to go away for a little bit!

  53. Lauren says...

    Those cupcake bouquets are bananas! Such a fun idea for showers etc. Will definitely be bookmarking that website.

    Sandra’s comment was so wonderful – thank you for sharing :)

    Enjoy Miami!

  54. Jill says...

    Sandra’s son’s comment…oh sweet sibling connections!

  55. Devin says...

    Is someone cutting onions over here? That comment from Sandra has clouded up my vision! So sweet.

    • I think the onion cutting thing is happening near my computer too…

    • Jessica says...

      Same here . . . involuntary sob.

  56. Lydia says...

    i’m a white 40 year old female and i say that to preface i know i have privilege. i am aware of my privilege as a white female, but i had no idea the extent of that privilege until i watched the video of black parents telling their kids how to handle the police. i can’t stop weeping. it’s so unbelievably unfair. i have never even thought to have this conversation with my three children, which tells me that my privilege is deeper than i could have ever imagined. i am so so sorry. i wish i had the words to express better my sorrow that people have to have this conversation with their young children. that you can walk around kind and loving and caring and not angry and resentful and full of hate…im
    in awe of you.

    • Kirsten says...

      “That you can walk around kind and loving and caring and not angry and resentful and full of hate…I’m in awe of you.”

      I could not agree more with that sentiment. Even though I was well aware of the fact that black families have to have this conversation, man…watching the pain and fear and confusion and tears on the faces of those kids broke my heart into even smaller pieces today.

  57. Shelby says...

    LOVE your reader’s comment about her child’s non-verbal communication. I’m a pediatric speech pathologist and it’s always nice to see stories about funny things children “say” with non-verbal ways of communicating. We don’t get to see those as much! xx

  58. Sarah Kang says...

    your children sound wonderful, sandra.

    and those cupcakes are phenomenal!