Toby Nostalgia

Our second baby is due in less than two weeks, but…

…I have a feeling he or she will arrive any day now. I feel so…ripe. :) Who knows? We will see! Every time I feel a kick or even hunger pang, I jump and wonder if labor is starting.

But I have a motherhood question. As the baby’s arrival gets closer, I’ve been having such crazy pangs of love for Toby, more than ever. I’m already so nostalgic for all our one-on-one time. The other evening, I was putting him to bed and telling him how much I loved him, and I was wearing a new pink lipstick that he had helped me choose that day at the drugstore, and he suddenly clasped my face with both of his chubby hands and said, “Mama, your lips are beautiful.” I almost burst into tears! Then I put him into his crib and he was lying there with his pillow pet, and we sang “You Are My Sunshine” in unison, and he looked so sweet and earnest in the moonlight that I almost burst into tears again.

Honestly, before I had a child, I thought it was a little weird when people said they were “in love” with their children. I would think, ‘Well, you LOVE them, but you’re not IN love with them.’ But now I understand. I am head-over-heels madly and crazily in love with this little boy.

I’m a big worrier by nature, but I really hope that Toby’s okay during the chaos of the new baby and still knows how adored he is. I really don’t want to lose our special connection. Do you have any advice about how to make the transition go smoothly? And please tell me these emotions are normal. :) xo

P.S. Who gets the best kisses? Toby in conversation, and some past great tips about how to prepare your older child for a new baby.

(Photo of Toby by Julia Robbs)

  1. This may or may not fit in with your situation, but my coworker (a guy) recently got back from paternity leave for 3 months after having his second kid, and he said that the best part of the leave time wasn’t just getting to be there with the new baby but was that he could spend a lot of time with his older kid and make him feel special so that he wouldn’t resent his new sister. And now the older one loves being a big brother!

  2. Someone told me that the more kids you have your love doesn’t divide, it multiplies. They were right! I have three kids now and there is so much more love to go around:).

  3. I’m the oldest, and my parents told me their secret to making me feel equally loved:

    When I first came to the hospital after my sister was born, they made sure that my mom wasn’t holding her when I entered the room. That way, her arms were free to welcome, hug, and kiss me. Then we met my sister together.

    I guess it worked :)

  4. We also got Ivan a little gift and said that it was from his little brother Emerson. We gave it to Ivan when he came to meet him at the hospital. To this day he asks for the “toy that Emerson got him”

  5. My boys are 3 and 1. I had the same fears and worries that I would be losing that special bond with my Ivan when his little brother would be born. We still have that bond and I have it with Emerson too. Ivan was head over heels in love with his little brother from the moment they met at the hospital and now it’s an amazing relationship to watch. Ivan acts as my helper. We get that special alone time when Emerson goes down an hour earlier at night, when Emerson is napping a little longer, when we run errands just the 2 of us when Daddy is home with Emerson. The same is true for my time with Emerson…early in the morning before his brother wakes up, those middle of the night feedings that will last for a while, etc. . . It all balances out. Think of that amazing love you have for Toby and then multiply it by 2. A–maz–ing, tiring, happy, emotional times ahead.

  6. I had my son when I was really, really young. I wen through undergrad with him, and he was 5 when I had baby number two (now in grad school. Oh yeah, I can plan ’em.) Now, “Dandelion is 2.5 years and SONshine is almost 8, and I still feel that way. Going from 1 to 2 is hard, I think, because you don’t want to lose the connection with the older babe, but you’re so eager for the new babe. So here’s my advice: Enjoy these last days as a one child family. Kiss Toby every single day for you AND for him, give him a gift From the new babe (we did ours in the hospital) so he understands everyone is part of this family, and don’t forget that you’re a good momma. Not exactly cutting edge advice, but motherhood isn’t black-and-white. Break a leg!