Do You Get Jealous?

I suffer from this as well. It came to a head when I was missing my partner dearly one night and decided to look at some old Facebook photos of him before he met me. Mistake. I ended up finding photos of him and his ex. I thought it wouldn’t bother me because I know he is deeply in love with me, but it still did. I worked up the nerve to talk to him about it and explain that the photos upset me because they made me feel less special. When I spoke to him, he was so reassuring and kind. He even deleted the old photos to make me feel better. The best part was the following day when he told me that I should never feel less special because he genuinely never felt what he feels for me about anyone else. “Backwards jealously” has the potential to really harm relationships, so I am very glad that I addressed the issue with him rather than letting the jealous thoughts stew in my mind only to resurface and cause a fight later. Also, my wonderful partner was very kind and understanding. Despite the fact that the past does not matter to him, he recognized that it matters to me, so he reassured me and affirmed how much I mean to him. I love him.

Ah this is great! I came across this post when I really wanted someone to tell me that it is okay to feel this way. A couple of days back my husband told me that he had crush on a girl ( this is probably 8 years back) he was working with. When I asked him what about her – he said she was really really pretty and that he was crazy about her but nothing happened! And I was like – OK! When we were dating he would tell me that I am really pretty and that I’m the prettiest girl that he has ever been with. I use to like how he use to compliment me and he still does sometimes. But, at that moment when he was telling me about that girl – I felt the need to hear this compliment! It is so weird and a little crazy! I felt competitive in a way. I cant understand if it okay to feel this way!

I want to thank DR. ekumabor for what he has done for me in my life, After my lover left me without notice i was so frustrated and confused i never knew what to do until i told my friend, After she told me the great deeds of DR.ekumabor on how people talk good about him on radio stations and internet so she gave me the contact. I email dr.ekumaborspellhome@gmail.com and told him how my lover left me for over 3years,He told me just to be happy that i will have him back to my arms that’s its only a matter of time,i was like is this real mean while i had fate in DR ekumabor that he would bring back my lover,amazingly to my surprise after 3days i got a call from my husband who has left me for over 3years begging me for forgiveness,Which i did,And now we are together and he love’s me more than anything on this earth. Please you can contact him for help on this email address; dr.ekumaborspellhome@gmail.com

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Jo this is such a relief. I am guilty of backwards jealousy. It seems like no one talks about it and so when it happens to me I think I’m insane and no one else goes through this so maybe we’re unhealthy and not a good match or I’m too insecure. Only with my current boyfriend have I found the strength and willingness to zoom out and see that moving backwards is ridiculous, I have a past too and ultimately we love each other. I have gained so much power over my reckless emotions and its a combo of what we have (our love & a gnarly connection) and my own personal experience with how ugly jealousy can be and just how useless it is. This strength came with the right person too. The funniest thing is when I do get this way I wonder if you and Alex ever have these kind of problems because reading your blog over the years, the life you guys have together I’d love to one day have with my love. So this really is comforting. As always Jo you always find new ways to AMAZE me by reading my mind eventually with one of your posts. Thank you!

This is SO perfect! Mine would read, “Ryan’s ex-girlfriend, Lucy, was a painter who moved to New York with her twin sister, after attending RISD” 1. Lucy was supposed to be MY baby name. now it’s out the window. At least we had a boy instead. 2. We live in Colorado, and although beautiful, it doesn’t quite have the mystique of NYC. and 3. Didn’t EVERY girl (or was it just me?) dream of having a twin sister? You’re one of the luck ones, Joanna! (and her name’s Lucy too, right?!) and 4. I thought RISD was so, so, so cool even before I knew about Ryan’s Lucy. Damn backwards jealousy! so Funny. Thanks for sharing this.

Haha definitely suffer from it..but it doesn’t help that they have a son together, so she’s Always there in the background. I brought it up a lot when I had our first son together, and had to make myself stop bringing up their parenting or etc.

I suffer from that definetly! I feel stupid sometimes and mostly insecure. But I try to think that we are married, together, with one little boy and another one in the way…My hubby had a lot of women, many available to kill his lonelyness (and one fiancee to some point) before me. So the backwards jealousy for me is hard thing…*sigh*….

I do this all the time with boyfriends. I don’t ask questions but they’ll eventually come up as what they’ll figure is a harmless part of their past and life. Although I have been with some really lame dudes that actually weren’t totally over their ex-girlfriends (bad, bad, bad), and seeing pictures of how pretty they are/were makes me insane.

Anyway listen to the song Other People’s Tongues by Dan Emery Mystery Band, on this topic.

I feel exactly the same way Jo. Except I do not ask questions…not that I don’t want to occasionally, but I opt for the preventative approach…aware that the outcome is almost always inevitably going to make be feel bummy so no-go. He’s got you babe…that is all that matters now and you’ve got nothing but forward. Beautiful.

I can’t wait to read the book. I’m curious about the small town near Lake Superior reference…that is my neck of the woods!:)

xo dina

last weekend my boyfriend went back to his home town for an engagement party and i stayed behind because of work. i dont normally get jealous but i knew his ex girlfriend would be there and that night i had an awful dream that he cheated on me with her and i woke up so upset and all alone. luckily it didnt take long for me to snap out of it and one phone call set my mind at ease.

Well now that I know that there’s an official term, I don’t feel so bad.

When I am being sensible I think that yes we ended up together so that’s good. When I am not being sensible I wonder what their sex life was like. My husband thankfully stays quite close-lipped about it because I might be devastated temporarily if he told me something I didn’t want to hear.

Absolutely yes. Isn’t it bizarre? Like, your SO and his ex broke up for a reason, but the fact that they were ever together just inexplicably sucks.

I’m terrible at curling my hair. Just TERRIBLE. My fiance tells me that he prefers my hair straight and doesn’t like curled hair (on anyone, including me) because it looks fake – only naturally curly hair looks okay. The majority of his exes had naturally curly hair. So of course, this bothers me to no end.

I make the same mistake as you and I ask questions about them, and he loves opening up about them and talking about his fond and not-so-fond memories but not in a nostalgic way. I always regret it, but I’m so curious about what he was like before I met him.

Discovered this book through a new blog friend while we were walking through Notting Hill. Great book and an even greater post.

The concept that anybody has an ex makes me so sad. You meet someone and have special moments together….and then never see or speak to each other again in life. Sometimes even hate each other or treat each other cruelly. If his exes mean nothing to him now because he is with you…you being prettier, smarter, funnier, better in bed…then if you two were to break up; you would mean nothing compared to his new woman just like all the other exes. It makes me sad. It’s a cycle of leaving a trail of people behind you. All those moments meant nothing all along. He calls you ‘babe’? He called them all that. He buys you ice cream? That’s probably his formula. I mean what’s the point?

I don´t have that problem. I am the first one for my boyfriend of six years and he is my first and only one too.

This is very interesting post. In my case, it is not a backwards jealousy, but me who is always jealous over his female friends. I went crazy when he hang out with his female friends and didn’t contact me. I always thought negative. Last Wednesday night, it happened again and I couldn’t control my self when he said he wanted to visit his female friend. I was so angry like a monster. He was tired with it and he wanted to break up. Then I felt like I was shut down and couldn’t do anything. I don’t want to break up but he was serious about it. So now, he left me, he didn’t want to talk to me and he didn’t reply my message. I feel like my life is over and regret it so much. Wish I could go back to the past and fix it.

So, jealousy will only distroy both of you. You better control your self and trust him. Jealousy is only your fear speaking.

If you have any inspiring quote or story that can help me to survive please send it to my email puputnopitasari@gmail.com

This book looks amazing. I guess the only think we have to think in the end is that those prior relationships ended!! Interesting post for sure.

My boyfriend’s Italian, and once I saw a video on his photo camera (I was just innocently watching back his pics when I bumped into it) in which he says his ex: che ce? It means something like what’s up, what is it. So every time my boyfriend says me che ce I’m like don’t tell me this, I know you used to say it to Monica. He finds it funny (luckily) and says he cannot really avoid saying it since it is a very common, everyday phrase. :)

Not an issue for us…we were both virgins and also had not dated anyonebefore marriage. The no sex before marriage thing, while dismissed by many, actually keeps surprising us with its benefits anf gave more strength to our bond. Scoff all u want modern society, biblical ethics rules

I guess I’m a weird person…because… I’ve asked my boyfriend about his exes (there have only been a few) several times. He was my first kiss, but I asked him about his first kiss, and it’s never like a negative thing, the “scandalousness” is kind of a turn-on, and he always assures me that I’m, like, way better than those other girls, haha! Another thing that should be really awkward but isn’t, is that his other super-serious relationship…well, that girl is now one of my best friends! People always think it must be weird since they can’t just hang out, but it’s really not! She and I get along super well. I’ve never been jealous. It’s much more of a, “Ha, I have him NOW, I win,” kind of feeling… Strange? He doesn’t like to hear about MY ex, though, I don’t think.

Lydia
lupinelydia.blogspot.com

Guilty. My most significant ex boyfriend ended an engagement not long before he and I met. I was consumed with curiosity about things like what she was like and why it didn’t work out. I couldn’t understand how he could be serious enough to propose but not marry.

Eventually he got me to meet her (!!). It was after we had been dating on and off for a while and he sprang it on me. I was furious but couldn’t get out of it. She was nice to me BUT brought him a present she had been hanging onto for a past birthday.

Shockingly we did keep dating for quite some time after that…

I’m so guilty of this but luckily it’s faded away as I’ve grown older and am now settled. When I was younger I was the little red devil of jealousy though! It’s dangerous how we women can instigate fights by asking questions about the past, that shouldn’t bother us in the present, but somehow do. I totally sympathize with getting pissed off about ex-girlfriends and not knowing if they were “better” or “prettier”.

I am guilty of this. For me, I think it’s partly due to the fact that I had never had a boyfriend before, but he’s had 2 or 3 girlfriends in the past, and although we’re much serious than he was with any of them, I still think about them too much! And I know what you mean – you think you want to know and then you regret ever asking!

Joanna, I think I read somewhere that your Alex was married before the two of you got married- and knowing that made me feel a certain affinity with you… I’m in the same situation, and as much as he assures me that his first marriage (of less than a year) was “a mistake” when he was “young and stupid”, sometimes I can’t help but be bothered by the very idea of it. How could he ever love someone else enough to MARRY her? Shouldn’t that have been reserved only for me? In this crazy, non-nuclear, world of rampant divorce… I guess this is just one of the things we have to accept. Such an un-romantic concept! It does take a little wind out my sails. I’d be so interested to know your thoughts on this. xo

I also admit that I can be extremely jealous. Not just back wards jealousy of his ex, who’s parent live directly behind us, but also of silly things like the app Chive. Ugh. Does this ever pass?

I really don’t like knowing anything about my husband’s past. He was married before, so I’m wife number 2. Since he has two children (very young) with his ex, I have the pleasure of seeing her very often. It doesn’t bother me talking with her (we get along great) because I can’t possibly picture the two of them together, but at the same time, it’s like she was his before I was and I just don’t like it. I get insecure about it sometimes, too. Totally crazy? Yes, but at least I know there are other women who feel the same!

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